WRITING THE PERSONAL RESPONSE

STEPS FOR SUCCESS

JUNE 2012 The interplay between how individuals perceive themselves and are perceived by others

OverviewThe Personal Response to Texts assignment is the first of two different writing tasks on the diploma exam.

You are provided with a number of texts, usually consisting of a poem, an image, and a selection of prose writing. All three texts relate to a specific theme.

The thematic question for the assignment asks you to connect one (or more) of the texts to your personal knowledge/experience in answering the question.

The assignment is assessed out of 10 marks: on “Ideas & Impressions” and its “Presentation”.

Late for the Doubleheader, 1970 (by Tim Bowling)

My older brother’s hair hung long and ragged as a crow’s wing. He climbed the hundred-foot fir tree in the vacant lot in his powder blue, striped Ladner Fishermen fastball uniform until eventually I couldn’t see his cleats against the sun.

He climbed out of the goodness of his heart (our mother would have said, our grandmother) to rescue a starling that had somehow snagged itself on a piece of net twine and dangled off a bough, swinging like a burning censer in the wind. It cried and cried. The tomcats shook like kids under a pinata.

I stood by the trunk, squinting. My brother, the dark angel in pastels, disappeared, lost as one of Franklin’s men1 in the rigging. He climbed out of the goodness of his heart and left me down here with the years and the tiny black shadow of the starling searching over the burnt grass like a hand on the bedcovers for a pack of smokes in the dark for another hand, for love.

My brother always climbs out of his heart. But it’s the starling’s shadow I wear in the world, and cry, though my hand that summer day reached out and found the blood of my kind in the glove.

1 Franklin’s men—a reference to Franklin’s lost expedition, a doomed Arctic exploration voyage.

ASSIGNMENT 1: PERSONAL RESPONSE TO TEXTS

You have been provided with three texts on pages 1 to 4. In Tim Bowling’s poem “Late for the Doubleheader, 1970” the speaker contrasts his own nature with that of his brother. The excerpt by Margaret Sweatman is narrated by Helen’s mother, who explains why Helen received an education alongside new immigrants to Canada. In Lorenzo Plus by Richard Maury, two individuals face each other.

The Assignment

What do these texts suggest to you about the interplay between how individuals perceive themselves and are perceived by others? Support your idea(s) with reference to one or more of the texts presented and to your previous knowledge and/ or experience.

In your writing, you must

• use a prose form

• connect one or more of the prompting texts provided in this examination to the topic and to your own ideas and impressions

Read the question and highlight key words. Define them and find synonyms

Read the texts in the exam carefully, keeping the question in mind. Highlight any interesting quotations/ideas as you read.

Limit the exam question by posing your own related questions. Apply these questions to both the text and yourself/character

Generate a thesis/controlling idea by answering the question

ATTACKING THE QUESTION

The Assignment

What do these texts suggest to you about the interplay between how individuals perceive themselves and are perceived by others? Support your idea(s) with reference to one or more of the texts presented and to your previous knowledge and/ or experience.

The way two or more things have an effect/impact on each other

To understand, discern, recognize, become

conscious of…

To perceive is to become aware of

something through the senses

STEP #1: IDENTIFY & DEFINE KEY WORDS

STEP #2: FOCUS QUESTIONS

INTERPLAY

How individuals perceive themselves

How individuals are perceived by others

‣ How do I perceive myself?

dedicated father passionate teacher well read storyteller young at heart good moral person lousy short game!

‣ How do others perceive me?

dedicated father strict / controlling / taskmaster well read storyteller old! good, moral person hits the ball long in golf

Whyisthereadifferencehere?Howdoesadifferentperceptionaffectme?

PERSONAL

WhileImayperceivemyselfinoneway,Imaybeunderstoodinaverydifferentwaybyothers.Yettheseoutsideperceptionsmight

notunderstandthefulltruth;conversely,ImaynotfullyappreciatehowIrepresentmyselftotheworld.

Theseoutsideperceptionsmightworktoreinforceexistingtraits;ofcoursetheymightalsoprovokeandchallenge

metochange.

STEP #3: ANNOTATING TEXT “LORENZO PLUS” by Richard Maury

‣ Key Details:

What is literally depicted within the image?

Focal point(s)?

Colour, shape, line, lighting, depth of field?

Theme concerning topic?

STEP #2: FOCUS QUESTIONS

INTERPLAY

How individuals perceive themselves

How individuals are perceived by others

‣ How does “Lorenzo” perceive himself?

Artist Rebel Someone trying to chart his own course Misunderstood Driven

‣ How is he perceived by his father?

Lazy Impractical dreamer Unfocused Throwing his life away

Whyisthereadifferencehere?Howdoesadifferentperceptionaffecthim?

“LORENZO PLUS” by Richard Maury

STEP #3: ANNOTATING TEXT

‣ Literal:

“LORENZO PLUS” by Richard Maury

‣ Key Details:

The painting depicts a young man who appears to be engaged in a heated conversation with an older man (his father?). The boy’s long hair, open and untucked shirt suggest a kind of artist. He has pen in hand, easel to his right. The mirror in front of the desk presents the exasperated father-figure, his posture indicating he is upset.

The coffee cup, trash bin filled with drafts of writing, clothing and style of boy suggest he is more of an artist; perceives himself as such, with a dream to follow

The mirror represents the outside perceptions affecting the boy; perhaps as reflections, they don’t always represent an accurate portrayal of what someone is thinking or feeling.

The boy seems caged in by expectations (the perceptions of authority figures in his life), symbolically represented with checkerboard floor and the cubicle-like space he sits within.

Light and dark imagery: boy’s white shirt contrasted with darkness of other man.

STEP #4: CONTROLLING IDEA LORENZO PLUS

A person’s perception of himself can be radically affected by an outsider’s interpretation of that same person, especially since so many of us fall prey to living up to other’s expectations.

In Richard Maury’s picture entitled “Lorenzo Plus” he uses the implied conflict between father and son to illustrate how an authority figure’s perceptions can provoke an individual to an even deeper appreciation of his own dream/ideals.

STEP #4: CONTROLLING IDEA “LORENZO PLUS” by Richard Maury

A person’s perception of himself can be radically affected by an outsider’s interpretation of that same person, especially since so many of us fall prey to living up to other’s expectations. In Tim Bowling’s “Late for the Doubleheader, 1970” the speaker (a younger brother) reveals his own negative appreciation for himself and how that sense of inferiority has been reinforced by the way people compared him to his brother.

TOPIC

PERSONAL

What approach should I take?

CREATIVE ANALYTICAL

HYBRID?

Tips & Tricks for Scoring Well

Ideas & Impression Presentation

Ideas & Impression

• DidIreallyanswertheexamquestion?

Hint:Withinyourresponse,setupacontextthatconnectsto“WHAT”yourtopicisabout,thenexplore“WHY”thistopicissoimportant.

Bycontinuingtofocusonthe“WHY”youwill>indyoucanstretchordinaryideasintoveryinterestingterritory.BesuretocontinuallyworkintheKEYWORDSofthequestion!

Ideas & Impression

• Isyourresponsecliche?Predictable?Flat?

Hint:Clichepaperssoundlikethis:

“Somethingsinlifearecertain.Somethingsareuncertain.Makingtherightchoiceindealingwithuncertaintyisalldependentuponthesituationandtheperson.”

Takeariskandmakeastand!Saysomethingto“wow”yourreader!Pushtheenvelopeandreachforthat“AHA!”moment.

Why?

Ideas & Impression• Isyourresponsecliche?Predictable?Flat?

“Thefuturewillalwaysbesomewhatunpredictableandbearanelementofrisk.Forthosewhocanusetheirimaginationsandopenthemselvestoaspiritofadventure,theuncertaintycanactuallybecomeapowerfulmotivatorandinspireapersontoaccomplishgreatthings.”

Ideas & Impression

• Isyourresponsecliche?Predictable?Flat?

Hint:Clichepaperssoundlikethis:

“Someforceswillencouragepeopletoact;somewillinhibitthataction.Italldependsupontheperson.

Takeariskandmakeastand!Saysomethingto“wow”yourreader!Pushtheenvelopeandreachforthat“AHA!”moment.

Why?

Ideas & Impression• Isyourresponsecliche?Predictable?Flat?

“Thewaysinwhichweactarealwaysmotivatedbysomething,andifwearewillingtolookdeepwithinourselves,oftenthoseforcesrelatetoourdesireforloveandrespectofothers.”

Ideas & Impression

• Doyouhaveenoughdetail?

Hint:Pro>icientpapersareFLUSHwithdetail;ExcellentpapersfocusonspeciTic,aptlychosendetails,oftenliteraryinnature.

Youarelookingforquotations/details/excerptsfromthetexttopurposelyweaveintoyourownpiece.WhichofthosedetailsBESTconnectstotheideasyouareattemptingtodevelop?Cutthosepartsthatdon’tdevelopideas.

Ideas & Impression

• Doyouhaveenoughdetail?

Hint:Pro>icientpapersareFLUSHwithdetail;ExcellentpapersfocusonspeciTic,aptlychosendetails,oftenliteraryinnature.

- Speci>icquotations-Useofcolour/line/- Images&symbolsfocalpoint/DOF- Keycon>licts- Motifs(repeatedpatterns)- Title

Presentation• DoIwritelikeapoet?

Hint:Thebestwriterscrafttheirlanguage.Theypurposelychoosewordsandsentencestructuresthatconveytheirthoughtsandfeelingsinapowerfulway.Theyunderstandclicheistheenemyofvoice.

Tryincorporatingimagery,metaphor,simile,allusion,personiTication,alliteration,rhetoricalquestions,repetition,short/staccatosentences

Presentation• DoIwritelikeapoet?

Hint:Thebestwriterscrafttheirlanguage.Theypurposelychoosewordsandsentencestructuresthatconveytheirthoughtsandfeelingsinapowerfulway.Theyunderstandclicheistheenemyofvoice.

“BrunofeelsbadaboutGertrude.Hewantstosaveherfromthehospital.Heismotivatedbyhissadfeelings.

Presentation• DoIwritelikeapoet?

Hint:Thebestwriterscrafttheirlanguage.Theypurposelychoosewordsandsentencestructuresthatconveytheirthoughtsandfeelingsinapowerfulway.Theyunderstandclicheistheenemyofvoice.

“Brunoiscompelledtosavehisgrandmotherfromreturningtothehorrorsoftheasylumbecauseofhissenseofkinshipwiththewoman,aconnectionthatopensupapowerfulsenseofempathy.”

Presentation

• DoIwritelikeapoet?

Hint:Rememberthatclicheistheenemyofvoice.GeorgeOrwelloncewarnedwriterstoneveruse>iguresofspeechtheymayhavealreadyseeninprint.Beoriginal!

E.g.-Hewasdeadasadoornail.-Johnnywaslikeakidinacandystore.-Billylearnedanimportantlessonthatday:thereareplentyof>ishinthesea.

Presentation

• DoIwritelikeapoet?

Hint:Rememberthatclicheistheenemyofvoice.GeorgeOrwelloncewarnedwriterstoneveruse>iguresofspeechtheymayhavealreadyseeninprint.Beoriginal!

E.g.Bendinghiseartothewindinthatdeepanddarknight,theboylistenedtothewhisperingsofsilence,fornosupernaturalvoicewastheretoinstructhimonwhattodo.Hewouldhavetotrustinhimselfandcarveouthisownpassage.Hecouldonlynodhisheadinacknowledgmentofthehumantruththatpeopleareofteninhibitedbytheirrelianceonotherstoact.

Presentation

• Ismyvoicedistinctandbelievable?

Hint:Whetheryouarewritingcreativelyanddevelopinganactualcharacter,orevenpersonally/analyticallyanddevelopinganarrator,yourvoicemustbebelievable.FocusontryingtoBESTCAPTURETHETONEofthesespeakersinyourlanguagechoices.

Presentation

• Ismyvoicedistinctandbelievable?

Itwasthe>irstdayofsummer.Iwokeupandcouldhearthebirdssinging.Thesmellofmom’spancakes>loateduptomyroom.Ifeltreallyhappy.

Presentation

• Ismyvoicedistinctandbelievable?

Asmyeyesopenedtothedawnofthatfatefulmorning,Irememberthewaythelightseemedtobendandslantthroughmyopenwindow—almostasifadirectorhadstagedasceneforaplaybypositioningalightrightovertophiscentralcharacters.Icouldn’tplaceitatthetime,butIhadthefeelingthatsomethingimportant—somethinglife-altering—wasgoingtohappen.

Presentation

• Theendisthebeginning;thebeginningistheend!

Hint:Whenyouare>inishedadraft,gobacktotheopeningparagraph(s)andensureyouaredoingsomethingthatengagesyourreaderinthesubjectofyourdiscussion.Theleadiscritical!

Inlikemanner,dothesamefortheending.Areyougettingbacktothetopic?Areyouleavingyourreaderwithaprofound>inalthoughtorquestion?

Presentation

• WHATABOUTTHETITLE?

Hint:Yourtitlecanbeaclevermeansof>irstengagingyourreader.Itcanalsoworkto“tieup”yourcomposition—evensurprisingthereaderuponreachingtheend.Workyourtitlecarefully!Tonothaveatitleistrulyamissedopportunitytoin>luenceyourmarkfor“Presentation”.

E.g.OFPEACHES,LADDERSANDANORCHARD:ANANALYSISOFMOTIVATINGFORCESINTHELEAVING

Presentation

• Theendisthebeginning;thebeginningistheend!

Hint:Lastly,ensureyoumakeeffectivetransitionsthroughoutyourcomposition.ThisincludesWITHINparagraphs(e.g.Next,furthermore,conversely,etc.)andINBETWEENparagraphs.

Thesetransitionsreallyhelpunifyyourpaper.

TP-CASTT- Title - Paraphrase literal experience - Connotations - Attitude (Tone) - Shift in tone - Title (Revisited) - Theme

TITLE: References two brothers, late for a baseball game back in 1970.

What is the significance of being

“late”? What happened that so affected the way

the speaker perceives himself?

PARAPHRASE: The older brother is compelled to rescue a starling (small bird) that had become caught in a piece of netting in a tall fir tree. This act saves the bird, for already the cats have gathered below. The speaker (younger brother) observes the event below, pondering the significance of his brother’s courageous act—and his own understanding/perception of himself.

CONNOTATION:

- Repeated references to glorious nature of brother; images of his hair hanging long “as a crow’s wing”, and “the goodness of his heart”, and being a “dark angel”

- The speaker feels the weight of the “tiny black shadow of the starling”

What does this image mean? What

does it suggest about how he viewed

himself?

ATTITUDE: The speaker (younger brother) seems to feel a sense of inferiority with his older brother.

He acknowledges that others (such as his mother and grandmother) perceive the brother as a kind of heroic figure—similar to that of Franklin’s men.

Yet the speaker feels a sense of frustration; he sees himself as one lesser in status, thus wearing “the starling’s shadow”.

Interesting that the speaker perceives how others always seem to “see” and

understand his brother

SHIFT: The younger brother’s perceptions remain consistent throughout the narration of the event—except that he identifies that it was THIS event, in 1970, that clarified to him his understanding of himself. There is something ambiguous with what ultimately happened? Did the brother fall? Did the speaker “step up” and become a courageous person like his brother? Did he change in the way he perceived himself?

What happened here? Did the

speaker change in his perception of

himself?

THEME: The poem acknowledges how one’s perception of himself is inexorably connected to the way a person compares himself with others.

In this case, the speaker is caught, like the starling, comparing himself to an idealized vision of his older brother—a boy who resembles a kind of selfless saviour figure. As a consequence, the speaker has often felt like he was somehow inferior.

Yet the strange ending of the poem helps to suggest that the younger brother actually changed in his understanding of himself through the incident; that he may, in fact, have “saved” his brother when he fell from the tree.

Interesting that the speaker perceives how others always seem to “see” and

understand his brother

What happened here? Did the

speaker change in his perception of

himself?

TITLE: The incident before the baseball game marked a kind of epiphany for the speaker in the understanding of himself and his brother.