Showing Not Telling

By Mrs. Milis

“Get out of here,” Marco protested.

Marco protested, “Get out of here.”

Please take Cornell Notes on this PowerPoint! The major subjects you will learn in this

PowerPoint deal with strategies for showing the reader the story instead of telling the reader the story.

For example:

Telling: The girls were excited. Showing: Giggles and screams filled the

arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.

Example 2: http://www.writedesignonline.com/assignments/shownottell.html

Telling: The room was vacant.

Showing: The door opened with a resounding echo that seemed to fill the house. Cob webs once attached flowed freely in the air as the open door brought light to a well worn floor. The light gave notice to the peeling paint on the walls and to the silhouettes once covered by pictures. The new air gave life to a stuffiness that entrapped the room. Faded and torn white sheets covered once new furniture now drowning in dust.

Using Figurative Language Telling: The girl is in

love.

Showing:She's so happy, this girl,she's sending out sparks like a brush fire,so lit with lifeher eyes could beam airplanes through fog,so warm with his lovingwe could blacken our toaston her forehead.

Yet Another Example Telling: The coffee was enjoyable. Showing: She cradled the mug in both hands

and leaned her head over it in the rising steam. Pursing her lips, she blew softly over the clouded surface and let her eyelids drop. Her shoulders rose slightly as she breathed in, and she hummed with her head low. I lifted the tiny porcelain pitcher and poured a brief rotating arch of white into the black depths of my own cup. She opened her eyes, and we looked at each other across the table without speaking.

You try…

I am nervous. It was a day unlike any other day. The sunset was surreal. The story hit a nerve. The pizza was delicious. He is angry. The morning was beautiful.

Writer use the following techniques to Show Not Tell.

Dialogue Figurative Language Sensory Language Snapshot Thoughtshot: Flashforward,

Flashback, Brain Argument Exploding the Moment

Using Dialogue to Show Not Tell: http://teenwriting.about.com/cs/dialogue/ht/DialogueWork.htm Look at pink sheet during explanation.

Rules for Writing Quotations Correctly1. Every time the speaker changes in the

conversation, you begin a new paragraph (even if it is just one word)

2. Use quotation marks only around the character’s exact words.

3. The first word in the quote is always capitalized.4. Always separate the speaker from the quote

with punctuation (commas, end punctuation)5. Punctuation marks go inside the quotation

marks

TIE Strategy: the speaker may be placed at the beginning, middle, or end of the quotation.

TIE: Tag on, Introduce with, Embed Tag on—place speaker at the end Introduce—place speaker at the

beginning Embed—place speaker in the

middle of the quote

Here is How TIE Looks

Tag: “Knock it off!” yelled Pedro.

Introduce: She warned, “Do it now or you’ll regret it.”

Embed: “Do it now,” she warned, “or you’ll regret it.”

Correctly punctuate and capitalize the following sentences using dialogue. Follow the Rules!1. Bill told me not to go in there

Sarah recalled.2. Lisa asked since when do you

listen to anything Bill ever says?3. Lisa Sarah replied Bill’s not so

bad once you get to know him.4. You’ve got that right Bill said as

he peered over their shoulders.

http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/dialogue.shtml

Snapshot: http://www.discover-writing.com/feb99.html

Slow Motion Moments.   When do they use slow motion in a movie?  The good bits, the dramatic parts , the moments where something is at  stake.  It’s the same way in writing.

Use your lens to zoom in with sights, sounds, smells, tastes.

A snapshot is a specific description of an important physical detail in the story that enables readers to see a picture of it in their minds and experience it through writing

A Snapshot: Description (how many senses described) Telling: The coffee was enjoyable. Showing: She cradled the mug in both hands

and leaned her head over it in the rising steam. Pursing her lips, she blew softly over the clouded surface and let her eyelids drop. Her shoulders rose slightly as she breathed in, and she hummed with her head low. I lifted the tiny porcelain pitcher and poured a brief rotating arch of white into the black depths of my own cup. She opened her eyes, and we looked at each other across the table without speaking.

(Brain Argument) They'll never know if I don't tell them. Why do I always feel like I have to honest with them? Susan Brown isn't with her parents and they never find out. Not like those TV shows where the parents always find out in the end.

(Snapshot) Sarah stood by the front door, her hair blown in all directions. She could still hear the faint sound of Spike's Harley hitting third gear as he hit Main Street. She opened the door and sneaked into the hallway. Her feet sank in to the carpet.

(Thoughtshot) Oh my gosh! It's late. I knew we should have left earlier. If I could just get to my room, I could tell them I was in bed already.

(Dialogue) "Sarah, is that you?" (Dialogue) "Yes, Mom." (Snapshot) Sarah held her hands behind her

back and shifted side to side on her feet. (Dialogue) "Honey, what happened to your hair?

Was there a hurricane?"

(Dialogue) "Oh, Mom, you know how kids are. They kept

all the windows open." (Snapshot) Sarah pulled her hair together in

a ponytail and let it fall over her back. (Dialogue) “Tell me about the dance. You were with

Spike, weren't you?" (Thoughtshot) Sarah felt as if the floor was moving

like a ship caught in an ocean swell. I will tell her, she thought. I always tell her.

(Dialogue) "What a ridiculous thing to say!“

(Snapshot) Mom walked to the cupboard and took out a bottle of aspirin.

Thoughtshot:

Thoughtshots are another way to include detail in your writing.  A thoughtshot allows the writer to pause and reflect on a particular event or a detail by:Flashforward: the character anticipates what consequences might

occur if he or she acts in a certain way

Flashback: the character thinks about how something happening at the moment relates to events in his or her past. This is also used to develop a character.

Brain Argument: the character debates whether you should do one thing or another and consider the pros and cons of both courses of action.

Thoughtshot

Unpacking even just a few things in her brown suitcase, always seemeda waste of time to Gilly. She never knew if she'd be in a place long enough to make it worth the bother. And yet it was something to fill the time.