scientific writing, hrp 214 recap from last time (quick quiz):

Scientific Writing, HRP 214

Recap from last time (quick quiz):


A. "Data doesn't lie, but in raw form, it often doesn't speak clearly, either."

B. "Data don't lie, but in raw form, they often don't speak clearly, either."


A. "Data doesn't lie, but in raw form, it often doesn't speak clearly, either."

B. "Data don't lie, but in raw form, they often don't speak clearly, either."

(Choice A was the tag line on the webpage of a math software company!)


A. The war profoundly affected her views.

B. The war profoundly effected her views.


A. The war profoundly A. The war profoundly affectedaffected her her views.views.

B. The war profoundly effected her views.


A. The affects of the war were devastating.

B. The effects of the war were devastating.


A. The affects of the war were devastating.

B. B. The effectsThe effects of the war were devastating. of the war were devastating.


A. The psychiatrist found the patient’s effect worrisome.

B. The psychiatrist found the patient’s affect worrisome.


A. The psychiatrist found the patient’s effect worrisome.

B. The psychiatrist found the patient’s B. The psychiatrist found the patient’s affectaffect worrisome. worrisome.


A. She resolved to affect a change in the healthcare system.

B. She resolved to effect a change in the healthcare system.


A. She resolved to affect a change in the healthcare system.

B. She resolved to B. She resolved to effecteffect a change in the a change in the healthcare system.healthcare system.


A. The negotiators effected an agreement.

B. The negotiators affected an agreement.


A. The negotiators A. The negotiators effectedeffected an agreement. an agreement.

B. The negotiators affected an agreement.


A. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her personal effects were stolen.

B. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her personal affects were stolen.


A. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her A. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her personal personal effectseffects were stolen. were stolen.

B. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her personal affects were stolen.


A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.

B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.


A. The bacteria A. The bacteria thatthat I was trying to grow died. I was trying to grow died.

B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.


A. There is limited data.

B. There are limited data.


A. There is limited data.

B. There B. There areare limited data. limited data.


A. The car, which I didn’t particularly like, finally died.

B. The car, that I didn’t particularly like, finally died.


A. The carA. The car, which, which I didn’t particularly like I didn’t particularly like,, finally died.finally died.

B. The car, that I didn’t particularly like, finally died.


A. He owed over $1000 to the doctor.

B. He owed more than $1000 to the doctor.


A. He owed over $1000 to the doctor.

B. He owed B. He owed more thanmore than $1000 to the doctor. $1000 to the doctor.


A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared with her shoes.

B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared to her shoes.


A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared withcompared with her shoes. her shoes.

B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much compared to her shoes.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

HOMEWORK ANSWERS

Many possibilities, of course! Here are my suggestions..


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

1. The terms genetic predisposition and susceptibility are not entirely satisfactory terms because they are not independent concepts, but we use the terms to distinguish the extent of increased risk that arise from the inherited genetic alterations, calling very high individual risk, predisposition, and lower risk, susceptibility.

What were your rewrites?


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

My rewrite: We call inherited genetic alterations

‘genetic predisposition’ if they confer a very high risk of disease and ‘genetic susceptibility’ if they confer a lower risk.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

2. Certain etiologic factors might be more likely to lead to certain types of molecular changes, so defining tumors based on molecular changes might lead to formation of more etiologically homogeneous subsets of tumors than are apparent solely through histologic categories.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

My rewrite:

Tumors caused by a particular environmental or genetic factor undergo predictable molecular changes; thus, classifying tumors by molecular rather than histologic changes may give more etiologically homogenous subsets.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

3. It is interesting to note that the new organism is green in color, round in shape, 5x10 mm in size, and active with respect to motility.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

My rewrite:

The new organism is green, round, 5x10 mm long, and mobile.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

4.In view of the fact that solar energy is not yet fully developed at the present time, we will have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into the next century.


HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

My rewrite:

Because solar energy is underdeveloped, we will have to use fossil fuels into the next century.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214HOMEWORK:

1. Adjacent to near 2. Assuming that if 3. Big in size big 4. Clearly evident evident **5. Demonstrate show 6. Doctorate degree doctorate


7. Disseminate send out, distribute 8. Endeavor (verb) try 9. Evaluate test 10. Finalize finish 11. Facility office, plant **12. Have an effect on affect


**13. Has no lacks 14. New development development **15. In order to to 16. It is probable that probably 17. Terminate end 18. Total number number **19. Utilize use 20. With regard to about, regarding

Scientific Writing, HRP 214WARM-UP:

On a scrap of paper, revise…

Clinically and pathologically, a focal neurologic deficit may be considered a stroke if that deficit is thought to be caused by a local disturbance affecting the cerebral circulation.

A stroke is a focal neurologic deficit caused by a local disturbance in cerebral circulation.


Lecture Two: News Writing

News writing…

News-writing is the art of maximizing information and minimizing words; it’s the barest-bones form of writing. The fundamentals of good writing can be learned by dissecting news articles.


When you write news, you are trying to inform your reader in the quickest, most interesting way possible.


What scientific writers can learn from journalists…

1. That a clear, succinct, informative writing style is best and…

2. That holding your reader’s attention matters!



We were introduced to many of these principles last time.


Writing in news style:

Just the facts, Ma’am.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Some principles of news writing…1. Don’t use a complicated word when a simple one will

do.2. Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.3. Don’t cram too much into one sentence.

• Avoid redundancy and repetition.

4. Use active verbs and follow the usual conversational flow of words

5. Use facts, not opinion.6. Be specific.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Some principles of news writing…

1. Don’t use a complicated word when a simple one will do.

see last week’s lesson.• Did anyone count average number of letters

per word in the newspaper?

This is a single sentence…

Because septin filaments mark the site for cytokinesis, and because there is a specific cell cycle checkpoint that monitors the state of septin filament assembly, that we also discovered such knowledge may allow, ultimately, the development of therapeutic agents and clinically valuable strategies, on the one hand, to impose a permanent checkpoint arrest as a means of halting the growth of malignant cells in various cancers, including breast cancer, and, on the other, to overcome such checkpoints to re-activate proliferation of quiescent differentiated cells (for example, to stimulate multiplication of the residual beta-cells in patients suffering from Type 1 diabetes as a means to repopulate the pancreatic islets with insulin-producing cells).


2. Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.


Avoid clichés like the plague…


Euphemismsaccept the resignation of economically disadvantaged limited success pre-owned underachiever expirecollateral damage


“Collateral damage is one of those antiseptic sounding euphemisms that are sometimes more chilling than plain language, so hard do they labor to conceal their human meaning.”--Hendrik Hertzberg in the New Yorker


3. Don’t cram too much into one sentence. • Avoid redundancy and repetition.


• Did anyone count average words per sentence in the newspaper?

• Average number of sentences per paragraph?

• How do you think it compares to a scientific article?

Scientific Writing, HRP 214In news writing, all needless words are eliminated.

For example, “that” and “on” are often eliminated:

• The meeting happened on Monday.• The meeting happened Monday.

• They agreed that it was true.• They agreed it was true.


Avoid using two or more words that mean the same thing (redundancy).

The hero begins to behave strangely and in odd ways following his tryst with a witch he meets secretly at midnight.The hero begins to behave strangely following his tryst with a witch he meets secretly at midnight.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Do not repeat a word unless you need it again for clarity or emphasis (i.e., avoid repetition)

When he was a student, his favorite classes were the classes that gave no homework.When he was a student, his favorite classes were those that gave no homework.When he was a student, his favorite classes gave no homework.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Caveat: Keep your sentences short but not too short that

they are choppy.

Example: (from Successful Science Writing)Two canine cadaveers with orthopedic abnormalities were identified. The first dog had an unusual deformity. It was secondary to premature closure of the distal ulnar physis. The second dog had a hypertrophic nonunion of the femur. The radius and femur of both dogs were harvested. They were cleaned of soft tissue.

**News writers use the dash, semicolon, and colon to merge choppy sentences together (we’ll learn how craft deft sentences with these tools next time).


4. Use active verbs and follow the usual conversational flow of words

Write with nouns and verbs


Recall from last time…

“Subject verb object”

“Subject verb object”

“Subject verb X”


KEY LESSON OF NEWS WRITING:

The active voice vs. the passive voice.

We’ll see this again and again and again…


Recall from last time: In passive-voice sentences, the subject is acted

upon; the subject doesn’t act. Passive verb = a form of the verb “to be” +

the past participle of the main verb The main verb must be a transitive verb (that

is, take an object).


In the passive voice,

“The agent is AWOL” –Sin and Syntax

e.g. “Mistakes were made.”

Nobody is responsible.

vs. The President made mistakes…


How do you recognize the passive voice?

Object-Verb-Subject

OR just…

Object-Verb The agent is truly AWOL!


Examples…

Passive:

My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.

Active:I will always remember my first visit to Boston.

Object

SubjectVerb


To turn the passive voice back to the active voice:

Ask: "Who does what to whom?"


Examples…

Passive:

The prognosis is largely determined by the extent of the injury.

Object

VerbSubject

Active: The extent of injury determines the prognosis.


Examples…

Passive:

The behavior of the mutant mice was researched in many studies.

Object

Active: Many studies researched the behavior of the

mutant mice.

Verb

Subject

Scientific Writing, HRP 214It was found that 1+1 does not equal 2.

The agent found that 1+1 does not equal 2.It was concluded that the data were bogus.

The agent concluded that the data were bogus.It is believed that the data had been falsified.

The agent believed that the data had been falsified.A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee that the

study be halted.The DSMB committee recommended that the study be halted.

As is shown in Table 3…Table 3 shows…


MYTH: The passive voice is more objective.

It’s not more objective, just more vague.

Active=claiming responsibility

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Passive:

To study DNA repair mechanics, this study on hamster cell DNA was carried out.

More objective? No! More confusing!

Active:

To study DNA repair mechanics, we carried out this study on hamster cell DNA.*


Passive:

Major differences in the reaction times of the two study subjects were found.

Active:

We found major differences in the reaction times of the two study subjects.


Passive:

Migraine was defined as a headache that lasts for more than 1 hour.

Active:

We defined migraine as a headache that lasts for more than 1 hour.


The Active Voice is

direct, vigorous, natural, and informative.


A note about breaking the rules…

Most writing rules are guidelines, not laws, and can be broken when the occasion calls for it.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214For example, sometimes it is appropriate to use the

passive voice.

• When the action of the sentence is more important than who did it (e.g., materials and methods)

Three liters of fluid is filtered through porous glass beads. • To emphasize someone or something other than the

agent that performed the actionThe Obamas were honored at the banquet.

• When the subject is unknown“The professor was assaulted in the hallways”– they do not know the perpetrator of this heinous crime.


STRONG VERBS carry the main idea of the sentence and sweep the reader along

Put your sentences on a “to be” diet…

Is are was were be been am…


There are many ways in which we can arrange the Petri dishes.We can arrange the Petri dishes many ways.

There was a long line of bacteria on the plate.Bacteria lined the plate.


Again, this doesn’t mean never use “to be”—it has a distinct purpose in the English language…

Just use it purposefully and sparingly.

“The logic was perverse.” “..and a few months later the Spanish

Empire was gone.”


And…

5. Use facts, not opinion.

6. Be specific.

(applies equally well to scientific writing)


Watch out for loaded words (which suggest an opinion):savage, primitive, conniving, lazy, superstitious, wily, crafty, docile, backward, bitter, pompous, working class, communist, eco-freak, others?…


Be specific…

Police arrested Willie Deeds, an elderly man, after he used a note to rob the bank earlier this year.

Police arrested Willie Deeds, 72, after he used a note to rob the bank in January.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Take out a scrap of paper and

make this sentence more newsworthy…

President Hennessy remarked that housing opportunities that are attractively priced for students are being researched by the university currently.


How about…

President Hennessy said that the university is seeking affordable student housing.


What scientific writers should learn from journalists


2. That holding your reader’s attention matters.


From: “The joys and pains of writing,” Le Bon Journal…

“My professor friend told me that in his academic world, “publish or perish” is really true. He doesn’t care if nobody reads it or understands it as long as it’s published.”

There’s a hint of truth here, n’est-ce pas?


News writers follow these tactics…

1. Tell a story2. Put things into context

e.g., numerical, historical3. Focus on people 4. Ask: Would my grandmother care?


These tactics might also improve scientific writing:

Can we tell it more like a story? Can we add a bit of history? Can we emphasize the most

important aspects up high and add details later?


An aside (=broadening our horizons + prep for the homework…)

Some additional things you’d learn if you were taking a news writing class…


What makes stories newsworthy (developing “news judgment”)?

Impacts lots of people Breaking news Timeliness Prominence Proximity Conflict Trends (“3 things make a trend”) Humor/Surprise


Inverted pyramid style

Place the most important facts at the beginning and work "down" from there. The rest of the article explains and expands on the beginning.

A good approach is to assume that the story might be cut off at any point due to space limits. Does the story work if we only include the first two paragraphs? If not, re-arrange it so that it does.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Inverted pyramid style

Crucial Information

Recall: The Five "W"s and the "H" Who? What? Where? When? Why?

How?Any good news story provides answers to each of these questions.



News stories follows a basic formula (just as scientific journal articles do)…

Headline Lead Nut Graf First quote (3-6 paragraphs down)—brings in the human

element More details and more quotes (inverted pyramid style) Kicker


Headline


Lead


The lead (also spelled “lede”); The first ‘graf’ Grabs the reader’s attention. Imparts the heart of the matter (simple and focused).

Guidelines… 1-2 sentences. Aim for <35 words. Use the main verb to carry the main news, and use action verbs. Give complementary, but different information than the headline. Provide some, but not necessarily all, of the 5 W’s and 1 H.


Beware of these no/no’s… Leave out names that mean nothing to the reader Never start with a quote unless it’s the President or

the Pope speaking (or it’s as evocative as “Craig Venter is an asshole.…”)

Never “fool” your reader (i.e., start with something that you’re later going to retract or contradict).


Example:

From: “Hormone replacement therapy takes new body blow” (SJ Merc News)

The latest knock against hormone replacement therapy barely reverberated because it broke just before the war in Iraq blasted everything else off the front page.

25 words; 1 sentenceWhat? Another knock for HRTWhen? Clever—just before the Iraq war startedLove the active verbs!

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Example:From: “Hard Times Find Replica of White House

for Sale” (Atlanta Journal)The replica of George W. Bush’s desk still sits in

the Oval Office beneath the Iranian and American flags. The seal of the president of the United States still adorns the floor mats across the hall from the zebra-skin rug. And the porch overlooking the 75-car parking lot is still called the Truman Balcony.

•3 sentences (somewhat long for a lede).•Intriguing/surprising•Draws you in


Nut Graf


The nut graf.

Shortly after the lead paragraph, the so-called ‘nut graf’ flushes out the story: the 5 W’s and the H.

Occasionally, the nut graf is hidden–contained within the lead or strewn throughout several paragraphs. But usually, it’s identifiable.


Nut graf example:From: “Hormone replacement therapy takes new

body blow”

Graf 3: The latest results to be gleaned from the Women’s Health Initiative study, which will be published in the May 8 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, focused on postmenopausal women who took hormones even though they didn’t have severe symptoms. Overall, they reported no difference in quality of life from those who took placebos. They didn’t feel sexier, their memories were no better and they didn’t experience more mental clarity.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214From: “Hard Times Find Replica of

White House for Sale” Graf 3: For the last seven years, almost as long as President Bush

has been in Washington, Mr. Milani, an Iranian-American home developer, has lived in a scaled-down version of the presidential mansion in Atlanta. A private Xanadu for Mr. Milani, a headache for neighbors and a destination for camera-wielding gawkers, the 16,500-square-foot home has become a kooky symbol of this boom-boom city’s ever-growing residential skyline.

But now, like the current occupant of the real White House, Mr. Milani is planning to leave his home.

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Quotes (unfortunately, not a part of most scientific writing)

The fun part of news writing! The interview doesn’t involve any ‘writing’ on your part—just eliciting good quotes and strategic placement.

Quotes• Give a human dimension to the story• Provide evidence• Provide opinion• Provide color and flavor• Flush out the main idea• Move the story along• Make the story more readable


Example, first quote:“HRT takes new body blow”…

5th graf: “Women think as they get menopause, they’ll get old, ugly, useless, and crazy,” Grady told me on the phone. “They think if they take hormones, it’ll all be OK. Then they attribute all the good feelings they have to hormone therapy.”

Note the vivid, but loaded, words.

Note SVO attribution.


“Hard Times Find Replica of White House for Sale” 5th graf: “I still do not want to sell,” he

said. “But I will.”

Examples, first quote:


Attribution“Blah, blah, blah, blah,” Professor Smith said.

NOT: “Blah, blah, blah, blah,” said Professor Smith.

SV!

Unless: “Blah, blah, blah, blah,” said Professor Smith, the really boring professor that we all had to take English from (long attribution—sounds awkward to say Prof. Smith, the really boring professor that we all had to take English from, said!).


Attribution

Prefer “said” to most other possibilities, such as “noted” and “remarked,” which have particular connotations…

Noted implies that whatever the person’s statement was fact.


The kicker!

• The ending.• Leaves the reader feeling satisfied.• Often circles back to the lead.• A quote is often very effective.


Kicker

“HRT takes new body blow”That doesn’t mean that every woman who feels more vital after taking hormones should conclude it’s all in her head. But if you’re only as young as you feel, there’s a good chance that has nothing to do with the pill.


“Hard Times Find Replica of White House for Sale”

When asked where he will live next, Mr. Milani said he did not know. But he proposed, half-seriously, “I may build the Congress building across the street.”

Kicker


Easy to remember guide for structuring a news story (“the 5 S’s”)…

So come on in. So what? So, so… So, therefore. So long.


And finally…

This week’s top 5 countdown:


1. Fewer vs. less

Fewer goes with a countable number Less goes with a mass quantity

I’m trying to eat fewer calories. I’m trying to eat fewer grams of fat.BUT… I’m trying to eat less fat.“Use less if there’s no ‘S’”


2. She and I OR She and me?

Use XX and I for the subject of the sentence (“nominative case”)You and I went to the park.

But use XX and me for the object of a verb or preposition (“objective case”)Just between you and me, I think that this professor is boring.

Trick: If you’d use “him” or “her” instead of “he” or “she” then use “me” instead of “I.”


3. Who vs. whom

Same idea who is the subject and whom is the objectAgain, if you’d use him or her, use whom.

Who is it? She called to Beth, who (she believed) was nearby. [To] whom did you mean to call? The message was meant for whom?


3. Who vs. whom

“Then he’ll buy a plane ticket to Baghdad, to visit his mother and his sisters and his eighteen-year-old girlfriend, whom he has never seen, except in the picture that his mother sent when she selected the girl for him.”

‘he has never seen her.’‘ ‘he has never seen whom.’


4. It’s vs. its

It’s is the contraction of “it is.”It’s true.

Its is possessive.The car stopped working after its battery died.

If you can substitute “it is” or “tis”use it’s.‘Tis true.


5. As vs. like

Use “as” to introduce clauses (compare action)We spent the evening as (we did) in the old days.We wrote down every step, as good scientists should.

Use “like” (sparingly—more formal to use “similar to”) to compare nouns and pronounsOK: Her cat is like a dog.

More formal: Her cat is similar to a dog.

BUT…Her cat acts as a dog would.

Note: “Her cat acts similar to a dog” does not work. Therefore, don’t use ‘like’!

Scientific Writing, HRP 214A useful note…

As Stanford students, you have online access to the archives of New Yorker, NY Times, Boston Globe, and many others through Lexis-Nexis

http://www-sul.stanford.edu/ ejournals

http://www-sul.stanford.edu/



Scientific Writing, HRP 214Homework…

Assignments for next time:•Read:

•Read chapters 5-8 of Sin and Syntax (pp. 88-128)

•News Article assignment

Scientific Writing, HRP 214Preview to next time…

• For next time…

• We begin our systematic review of the basics of writing.

Words sentences paragraphs

“punctuation and parallelism”

scientific writing, hrp 214 recap from last time (quick quiz):

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