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MONKEY MIND

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FOREWORD

Australian nurse Bronnie Ware knows a thing or

two about regrets.

Bronnie spent years in palliative care, working

with elderly patients who were often living out

their last days. Witnessing these ordinary people

face their own mortality was difficult, but what

was even more challenging was hearing, when

asked what they regretted most about their lives,

the same handful of woes time and time again.

And the number one regret? The one thing that

most of these people were still, after 40, 50, or

60 years, struggling to come to grips with?

Having the courage to live a life true to

themselves, and not the life others

expected of them.

This regret was expressed by dozens of Bronnie’s

patients. But the saddest part of all? The

difference between living a life true to yourself

and passing with a conscience free

FOREWORD CONTINUED

from regret, and the person sitting on their

deathbed, crippled with anguish, is actually not

that big.

In fact, it typically comes down to just minor,

cumulative adjustments made over the course of

a lifetime. Sounds pretty easy, right? Right. But

in order to make these changes, you first need to

understand the barriers that stand in your way.

What follows are 9 of those barriers which we,

among many others, believe to be crucial to

obliterate if you want to realise your dreams. You

will find that many of history’s famous and elite

have broken through these very same barriers

in order to achieve great success in their lives.

If you can address them honestly, and take the

daily actions necessary to reduce the role they

play in your life, you will quickly and naturally

find yourself on the path to pursuing your truest

dreams.

And that’s no lie, gimmick, or marketing BS—its

pure tried and tested reality which can drastically

change your life for the better.

Until we lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves.

— HENRY MILLER

When asked to say our dreams out loud, many of us quickly

realise we don’t actually know what it is that we really want.

On the one hand, this could be because what we think we

want is actually what someone else wants for us. Or on the

other, it may be because desiring something is actually more

enjoyable than having or experiencing it.

Fantasy often trumps reality because well, let’s face it, there

are no strings attached in fantasy. And it’s for this reason

it’s usually better for such fantasies to stay inside your head,

where they can’t be tainted or deflated by the harsh reality of

the outside world.

What goes on in the mind can be hugely detrimental to

realising long term goals. But, if properly controlled, can

provide us with an easy route to actualising our desires.

What it all comes down to is an issue of clarity; many of us run

“”

1. DREAMS ARE NOT MEANT FOR REALITY

into trouble even when trying to define what our passions and

aspirations are.

Think about it. What has consumed your mind for the

past decade? What do you find yourself thinking about or

pondering over while daydreaming at work? For most people,

if you dig down deep enough, you will find the same common

themes.

For instance, take someone who has the life you think you

want, and look at them under a magnifying glass. What do

they have that you find so attractive? Is it their success?

Money? Women? Power? Whatever it is, it will be bringing

them problems in some shape of form.

If you can figure out what these problems are, and more

importantly how severe they are, then you can better

understand, in the cold light of day, if it truely is something

you want. If you are ready and willing to accept these

complications, then, and only then, you will be able to say

with honesty that you know what your true dreams are.

Action Step & Further Reading:

Read the article ‘Why Some Dreams Should Not Be Pursued’

& the book ‘The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes

Everything’ by Sir Ken Robinson.

1. DREAMS ARE NOT MEANT FOR REALITY (cont)

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

— JIM ROHN

You may already be familiar with this quote, or the idea

behind it, but have you made a concerted effort to act on it?

It can be difficult to accept that the people in our lives, people

who we love and are care deeply about, may be a barrier

between us and our dreams. What if your partner is one such

person? Should you spend less time with them? Or even break

up? What if it’s a childhood friend you’ve known for as long as

you can remember?

The truth is, if you want to reach bold new heights, you need

to take action and make those hard decisions. And that means

picking and choosing who to surround yourself with. You

can live with one or two people who aren’t helping you move

towards you goals, but you’ll need the other three or four to

make up for it by being highly motivated and supportive. The

unfortunate reality is that if you don’t have any immediate

positive influences in your life, you will devolve, stagnate, or at

the very least move a lot slower than you would be otherwise.

“”

2. BEING SURROUNDED BY THE WRONG PEOPLE

We’re social creatures. Our brain takes how others behave

as a cue for how we should act ourselves. If the five people

closest to us aren’t chasing anything, then chasing our dreams

can feel like a lost cause. Conversely, if the people around us

are also making ground, then pursuing your goals can feel

natural and all-encompassing, with doors and opportunities

opening up everywhere around you.

Believe us, we know it’s tough, but try and find likeminded

people in your area. Go to meet ups and make an extra effort

to ensure you have those people in your life. If you’re in a

small town and there’s no one chasing the same goals as you,

look to the web to build relationships; Twitter and Reddit

are great places to find people interested in every niche

imaginable.


Find a subreddit you are interested in and start engaging in

the conversation. It only takes a few comments here and there

to make you feel part of something much larger, and much

more meaningful. Read: ‘Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets

to Success, One Relationship at a Time’ by Keith Ferrazzi.

2. BEING SURROUNDED BY THE WRONG PEOPLE (cont)

Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality.

Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected.

— ROMAN PAYNE

There is a reason that people from all over the world move to

places like New York, Tokyo, and San Francisco. This is largely

related to the previous point about being around the right

people–but it’s also about the ethos and culture of a place.

When the standards of a city are high, and the pace is quick,

you draw energy from that and adapt you behaviour to suit.

The right city will provide you with wider opportunities, a

more diverse group of people to network with, and many

lesser but just as important benefits such as better access to

public transport, libraries, good food, nightlive etc.

Think of success as an ecosystem. If you’re unhappy and

under-stimulated in your current environment, do you think

it’s going to make it easier for you to progress and grow, or

make it that little bit harder to get where you want to be?

Many people think that negative motivation—in this case the

way in which they don’t like their living situation—may inspire

“”

3. LIVING/WORKING IN THE WRONG ENVIRONMENT

them to hustle their way out. But the reality is, it’s much more

likely to suck energy from you and scatter your path with

unnecessary obstacles and hurdles that you have to waste

energy on.

Being healthy and happy is fundamental to your progress.

And as our willpower is limited, it only makes sense that we

should stockpile as much energy as possible to use in the

right areas. It might seem pretty straightforward, but actually

making the move is a huge decision for most people. You

may be leaving behind family and friends and other social

structures that make your life comfortable–this is why it’s vital

to know first that you are chasing your true dream, and not

some grandiose fantasy.


Write the name of your city at the top of a piece of paper and

make a list of all its pros and cons in relation to reaching to

your goals. A mountain of cons and very few pros? Maybe it’s

time to think about moving!

Read: ‘The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life

to the Next Level’ by Gay Hendricks PhD.

3. LIVING/WORKING IN THE WRONG ENVIRONMENT (cont)

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

— E.E. CUMMINGS

Sometimes, no matter how badly we want to achieve our

goals, the cold hard truth is that we just aren’t yet ready to.

Essentially, we haven’t grown into the person we need to be in

order to pursue, and ultimately achieve them.

Most of us like to think about successful people as having

some inherent quality of success, and this is of course

perpetuated by the media and marketers in their bid to

commoditise successful people as brands. You’ve probably

heard the story of how Michael Jordan was cut from his high

school basketball team, but it’s a great example that shows

not just talents, but more importantly work ethic, is honed

over years and years of practice. Michael Jordan was born

with a brain like everyone else’s, but it was rewired with

basketball as its main focus only through failures and years of

training.

In order to become the person you need to be to take on

whatever challenges face you, you need to develop the

“”

4. NOT BEING READY TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE

characteristics of that person. The most powerful of which, is

willpower. Fortunately, willpower is just like a muscle that can

be strengthened through consistent training.


Watch the Vice documentary on Wim Hof ‘Inside the

Superhuman World of the Iceman’ and take a vow of cold

shower therapy for the next 30 days. If this is too much, start

with taking cold showers only when you need to cool down,

and build up from there.

Read: ‘Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength’

by Roy Baumeister.

4. NOT BEING READY TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE (cont)

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

— THOMAS A. EDISON

All of us take failure personally at some point or other.

Unfortunately, if you want to realise your dreams, this is one

habit you will have to rid yourself of for good.

You need to learn how to accept failure, use it to your

advantage, and always come away from it a stronger and

wiser person.

A large part of this comes down to developing the self-

confidence to believe that short term setbacks aren’t

detrimental in the wider context of your goals.

Those who have succeeded at this have realised two very

powerful things:

1. Failure is inevitable and happens to everybody

2. Failuredoesn’tdefinethemashumanbeings

Remember, your ideas and career choices are not going to

“”

5. REJECTION RAISES YOUR DEFENSES

please everybody—and that’s completely ok. If you just take a

step back and view the bigger picture, you will see that every

failure, no matter how big or small, is an opportunity–in fact a

shortcut—to immense growth.

Failure spurs growth as it often occurs when you are outside

your comfort zone, in what we call the ‘stretch zone’. Being

too far outside of your comfort zone is of high risk and high

stress, and therefore unsustainable in the long run. The stretch

zone is an area in which you experience just enough stress

to challenge yourself, but not too much to burn out too

quickly. When failure hits you hard, or you find yourself being

successful at everything you do, think about which zone you

are operating in.


Look back over the times you have failed and write down how

they have helped you get to where you are. Also, aim to get

into your stretch zone at least once a day. Need some help

getting started? Instead of just smiling at that person you find

attractive, give them your phone number. Or, take a hint from

the Yes Man and whenever you find yourself on the fence of a

decision, say yes!

Read: ‘Six Pillars of Self-esteem’ by Nathaniel Branden

5. REJECTION RAISES YOUR DEFENSES (cont)

The only thing standing between you and your goal, is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself

as to why you can’t achieve it. — JORDAN BELFORT

You will find negative self-talk as a contributing cause to the

majority of personal issues people face. Depression, anxiety,

low self-esteem, self-defeating behaviour—these all stem

from, and are exacerbated by, negative self-talk. When you

haven’t even convinced the voice in your head you’re going to

succeed, how are you going to convince other people?

Silencing your inner critic can be hard, especially if you’re

tired, run down, or not used to receiving positive feedback.

The way to overcome it is to reframe it.

So on the other side of the coin you have positive self-talk—a

powerful tool if used to its fullest potential. Don Miguel Ruiz

calls this “using words impeccably”. What he means by this

is to choose the language that empowers you as the lead

character in your story, as opposed to spewing destructive

self-judgements that drain you, and place you at the bottom

of the ladder, where you are ever more susceptible to

negativity and feelings of rejection.

“”

6. BEING BOUND BY LIMITS SET BY YOURSELF

So, just think happy thoughts right? One important thing to

note is that researchers have found forcing yourself to think

positively when negative thoughts come to mind, can actually

be counterproductive. You end up feeling worse than you

would have, for one because the thoughts aren’t authentic,

and two because you are just pushing the real problem aside.

What you should do is think neutral thoughts and gradually

transition into positive ones. If you’re in the middle of a task

and thinking “I can’t do this” try reframing it to “This is really

difficult, but not impossible”. Soon it will lead to “If this wasn’t

reallydifficult,itwouldn’tbeworthdoing”.


Writing a daily journal is a great way to grab ahold of and

understand the thoughts floating round in your head. Just

by putting a few down on paper at the end of each day, you

can begin to pick up on irrational behaviour and unhinge

destructive patterns. Start by asking yourself, how could

today have been better?

Read: ‘The Hero’s Journey’ by Joseph Campbell.

6. BEING BOUND BY LIMITS SET BY YOURSELF (cont)

When one is trying to do something beyond his known powers, it is useless to seek the

approval of his friends.— HENRY MILLER

You trust too much.

We all do. We’re too trusting of our families; our friends;

mainstream media and institutions. Unless you are one of the

fortunate ones and only have amazing people around you,

constantly pushing you in the right direction, this dynamic will

never result in you pursuing your dreams. The truth is, most

people in your life don’t want you to succeed.

But that doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It’s just that success

is reserved for only a small percentage of us. Unfortunately a

by-product of achieving such success is feelings of jealousy

and distancing from others, particularly those close to you.

This could also appear in the form of ‘fear’ or ‘worry’ that you’ll

get hurt in the process (a common one we hear from parents

and grandparents).

We understand that it’s difficult to back yourself up and let go

of the opinions of family and friends; they’ve supported us for

so many years, and will only continue to do so. But your

“”

7. NOT VALUING YOUR OWN OPINION ENOUGH

dreams are just that, they’re yours, and you need to chase

them regardless of what anyone else says or thinks about it.

Rebellion is useful. In fact, almost every extremely successful

individual has a healthy distrust of the mainstream. This is

because the mainstream is built to create middle managers

and corporate foot soldiers, and that’s not always a bad

thing—but that’s not you, or anyone else who hopes to

achieve greatness in their lives.

Richard Branson, Kurt Kobain, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey;

before these people were successful they were just another

young person following a path that society implicitly told

them wasn’t the right one. And the one thing they all had in

common: they trusted in their own opinions more than they

trusted in that of others.


Think of someone in your life who loves you but isn’t

supportive of your dream. Write down 3-5 reasons why

they might have this opinion in spite of things associated

with yourself. Are they from a different generation? Do they

understand exactly what you want to do? Are they projecting

their own fears onto your life? Read: ‘The Millionaire Fastlane’

by MJ DeMarco

7. NOT VALUING YOUR OWN OPINION ENOUGH (cont)

Many a false step has been made by standing still.

— CHINESE PROVERB

People talk about procrastination like it’s a complex puzzle to

solve. But the movers and shakers of this world seem to have

it cracked. In reality it’s simple. Procrastination is the natural

result of lacking a sense of urgency.

So learning how to cultivate this urgency is then key to

getting stuff done. You need to understand that you may

not have the chance in 5 or 10 years—or the mysterious

‘someday’—to chase your dreams. They need to be chased

now. Full stop.

In life doors close. Dreams fade. Things change. People die.

That’s just how it works.

Whilst you can have a sudden influx of urgency when you are

forced to act by circumstance, for example if someone close

to you perishes, what you need is the ability to conjure that

feeling in normal, everyday life.

You can achieve this by doing two things:

“”

8. SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF URGENCY

1. Using the power of the mind to vividly envision

yourself completing the task at hand, and enjoying all the

rewards that come with it.

2. Setting the stakes high and amplifying the fear of not

getting whatever it is done. See its completion as a part of

who you are; something you can’t live without and which you

need in order to survive on this planet.

With the constant use of visualisation—of both extreme

positives and negatives—you will soon find yourself on a path

to exponential growth, trodden only by the world’s top 1% of

performers.

Action Step & Further Reading

Take a few moments to visualise what life will be life with your

new success. What will be different? How will you feel? Don’t

skimp on the details—the more vivid the better. Once you are

happy with the vision, make it real with a notepad and pen,

and come back to it on the mornings you need that little extra

push.

Read: ‘The War of Art’ by Steven Pressfield

8. SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF URGENCY (cont)

Success is never as interesting as struggle.

— WILLA CATHER

In today’s society, the media often completely distort the truth

about success.

That is: Success is not the achievement of thousands of small

steps, but one large one. Hollywood movies depict incredibly

successful people with 2 minute montages, The Eye of The

Tiger playing in the background, and a final glorious scene

with trumpets playing and everything going according to plan.

The reality is almost never like this—it’s actually quite boring.

Of course wins are always great, but what should really be

enjoyable is the work. You need to love the journey ahead, not

just the idea of getting to the finish line. By this point I’m sure

you’ll have started to notice a few overlaps:

• If you only love the idea of the goal and not the

journey, it’s probably not something you truly want.

• If you’re not doing something you truly want, you will

no doubt lack the willpower to see it through.

“”

9. GLORIFYING THE WINS, NOT THE WORK

• If you don’t have the willpower, you’re probably taking

failure personally, putting yourself down with negative self-

talk, or not cultivating enough urgency (or all three).

• If you are taking failure personally, putting yourself

down with negative self-talk, or not cultivating enough

urgency, you are likely not telling yourself the right story.

• If you’re not telling yourself the right story…

The list goes on. Chasing your dreams is a matter of gradually

taking down all of these barriers, one by one. It only takes

that little bit of momentum from your first incremental

improvement, to drive you down a direct path towards

realising your truest dreams, and living a life you truly love.


This step is similar to that of number 6, but best done in

the mornings: Gratitude journaling. Used by the likes of Tim

Ferriss, this technique is about asking yourself the simple

question: What am I greatful for today? It brings focus to the

little things, rather than always looking ahead to the large,

intangible goals way in the distance.

Read: ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle

9. GLORIFYING THE WINS, NOT THE WORK (cont)

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man.

— MARK TWAIN“

”The above quote suggests that a biography can never capture

the essence of its’ subject. But what Twain is getting at with

his metaphor is important to us. Biographies are but the

clothes of men, but what reading them does is allow us to try

those clothes on. If only briefly.

To stretch the metaphor further, sometimes the clothes

won’t fit, and sometimes they will perfectly. A biography can

be the flint that causes a spark of inspiration and sets off a

chain of events, or the roadmap which helps steer you in the

right direction when making a difficult decision. But what

they’ll always be, is the ultimate resource for expanding your

worldview.

Understanding that other people have come before you and

done incredible things is vital in allowing your mind to accept

your dreams as a possibility—or even fact.


Look at the best sellng biographies on Amazon and get one!

Read: ‘The Life and Times of Nikola Tesla’ by Marc Seifer

BONUS #1: NOT LEARNING ABOUT THE LIVES OF OTHERS

Your first ritual that you do during the day is the highest leveraged ritual, by far, because it has

the effect of setting your mind, and setting the context, for the rest of your day.

— EBAN PAGAN

“”Almost every single successful person who has followed their

dreams agrees on one thing.

The first 2 hours of the morning can be instrumental in setting

the tone for the rest of the day. This may seem trivial, but it’s

really not. When you work day in and day out, the morning

routine has a cumulative effect on your productivity that can

literally mean the difference between success and failure.

In order to establish a good one, it’s likely you’ll have to wake

up earlier than you’re used to, and get shot of some old habits.

Though it’s completely down to your own preference, many

successful people suggest that their perfect morning routine

occurs between 6am and 8am, and consists of exercise,

breakfast, showering, and meditation.


Look back at those days when everything seemed to fall in

place, and take note of how you started the day. Read: ‘The

Miracle Morning’ by Hal Elrod

BONUS #2: HAVING A POOR MORNING ROUTINE

(Because we’re feeling generous and really appreciate you

subscribing, here are a bonus selection of our favourite

quotes. If you enjoyed this book, follow us on twitter @

MonkeyMindHQ)

Sometimes sticking to these rules is tough. We’ve compiled a

list of quotes by incredible people, who were all at some point,

just like me and you. These people overcame the challenges

in front of them and rose above their situation. Here are their

golden nuggets of advice that we use to keep us on track and

focused, and get us through those especially long days.

Tip: We like to keep a few quotes saved as rotating wallpapers

on our laptops so we are constantly reminded of them a

couple of times every day.

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but

that it is too low and we reach it .— MICHAELANGELO

“”

BONUS #3 21 TRULY LIFE CHANGING QUOTES

The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.

— HELEN KELLER“

”Anyone who lives within their means

suffers from a lack of imagination.— OSCAR WILDE

“”

The biggest challenge you have is to challenge your own self-doubt and your laziness. It is your self-doubt and your laziness that define and limit who you are. If you want

to change what you are you must take on your self-doubt and your laziness.

— ROBERT KIYOSAKI

“”

He who fears he will suffer, alreadysuffers because he fears.

— MICHEL DE MONTAIGE

“”

BONUS #3 LIFE CHANGING QUOTES (cont)

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose

one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

— VIKTOR FRANKL

“” When given the choice, most people

will choose unhappiness over uncertainty. — TIM FERRIS

“”

I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I cannot accept not trying.

— MICHAEL JORDAN“

” Passion is the bridge between goals

and accomplishment. — JIM ROHN

“”


In every success story, you will find someone who has made a

courageous decision.— PETER F. DRUCKER

“”

You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.

— SENECA“

” The neutralizer to fear

is self-belief.— MARK BOURIS

“”

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

— CHRISTOPHER MORLEY“

”


You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage work ethic.

— STEPHEN C. HOGAN“

” Put your heart, mind, intellect and

soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

— SWAMI SIVANANDA

“”

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.

— GEORGE ELIOT“

” Live deliberately.

— SCOTT HARRIS“”


The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

— LAO TZU

“”

If you hear a voice within you saying ‘you are not a painter’ then by all means paint

and that voice will be silenced.— VINCENT VAN GOGH

“”

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to

its old dimensions. — OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

“”

Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

— WINSTON CHURCHILL“

”


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“”

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