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Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey:
Dealing With Difficult Customers
Developing Professionals Lori E. Miller, President
330 Pleasant View Drive, Lancaster, NY 14086 (716) 681-9988
www.developingprofessionals.com
52ND
Annual
NYSAPLS
Conference
January 19, 2011
Participant Workbook
Page 1 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Introducing Your Trainer
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Lori E. Miller is owner of Developing Professionals, a company that provides training, consulting, and coaching services to organizations in Leadership, Organizational and Professional Development. She has conducted hundreds of seminars and workshops both locally and nationally for corporations, non-profit groups and professional associations. She has a M.S. in Organizational Communication and Development from Canisius College, and a M.A. in Student Personnel Administration, and B.A. in Journalism from Buffalo State College.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 2
Dealing with Difficult Customers
What is Conflict & Responses
Workplace Conflict: Guided Note-taking
Fill in the appropriate terms.
Conflict is the difference between the way things ______________________
and the way we want them to ______________________________________.
We experience conflict when our concerns are ________________________.
You respond by taking a position of how much control you need and how
important the ____________________________________________ is to you.
Workshop Agenda
1. What is Conflict & Responses
2. Communication Techniques
3. Five Techniques for Success
Definition of Conflict:
An antagonistic state or action involving
divergent ideas, interests of persons. A mental
struggle resulting from incompatible or
opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or
internal demands.
Page 3 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Group Exercise: Conflict with Customers
Answer and discuss the following questions
What are examples of conflicts you have experienced with customers in the
field?
Identify some principal causes of these conflicts that you have been
involved with or exposed to?
What are the reasons you find conflicts difficult to resolve?
In what ways will learning to resolve conflict benefit you?
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 4
Principles Causes of Conflict
Four Main Sources of Conflict: Guided Note-taking
Fill in the appropriate terms.
Roles
Roles imply a ___________________________________________
and level of responsibility. The power based on our hierarchy can
cause imbalances especially if individuals abuse that power and
don’t use it appropriately.
Emotions
We all have ____________________________________________.
Once one of these triggers is activated – emotions take over.
Conflict can be caused by emotions that are stimulated by
relationships. Relationships create expectations.
Information
Clear, concise and correct information plays an important role in
effective _______________________________________________.
If there is incorrect or not enough information, conflict can
occur.
Values
Values _____________________________________ our decisions
and how we choose to live our lives. If individuals have different
value systems, conflict inevitable will occur.
Misunderstandings
Personality clashes
Lack of cooperation
Frustration and irritability
Substandard performance
Differences over work method
Responsibility issues
Authority issues
Value and goal differences
Non-compliance with rules and policies
Competition for limited resources
Page 5 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Skills That Make a Difference
It is important from time to time to review the skills that contribute to successful
conflict resolution. This exercise will give you an opportunity to rate yourself on
those skills.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high) in each of these skills:
______ To be open to differences
______ To treat people as individuals
______ To look at whether expectations are real
______ To be aware of stereotypes
______ To check assumptions about other people or groups
______ To accept ambiguity
______ To be comfortable communicating with people different than you
______ To be nonjudgmental
______ To exhibit empathy
______ To listen and observe
Total Score___________
If your total is close to 50, you are probably communicating well when dealing
with conflicts on a variety of issues. If your total is less than 40, you have some
work to do to improve your skills.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 6
Conflict Situation Guided Note-taking
Fill in the appropriate terms.
In a conflict situation, we need to see:
Where we have _______________________
Where we can make a
____________________________________
Where we can impact the
____________________________________
Raven’s Basis of Power
Write in Raven’s Five Bases of Power.
“The way you
see the problem
is the problem.”
Page 7 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Three Potential Initial Responses to Conflict
Match the term with its correct definition.
A. Fight
Avoid conflict
Resist or putting off a situation
Taking a “why me” position
B. Flee
Determine what action needs to
be taken to be most effective
Consider all aspects of the
situation
C. Flow
Have a win/lose approach
Become defensive
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 8
The Full Deck Analysis
Provides a time out.
Helps you gain perspective.
Helps you choose the best strategy of collaboration.
My Facts
My Feelings
Your Facts
Your Feelings
Page 9 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Full Deck Analysis Exercise
Think of a customer conflict you are currently having or one in the past that was
not resolved appropriately. Using the Full Deck Analysis, evaluate the situation.
My Facts:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Your Facts:
1.
2.
3.
4.
My Feelings:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Your Feelings:
1.
2.
3.
4.
What did you discover?
What will you do differently in the future using this information?
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 10
Communication Technique
The Communication Model: Guided Note-taking
Sender: person who is ______________________________________ the message.
Receiver: the intended person or ______________________________________who
is to _______________________________________________________ the message.
Channel: how ________________________________________________ gets from
sender to receiver.
Sources: ideas that are ______________________________________________ via
verbal or non-verbal messages.
The Communication Cycle
Fill in the blank boxes to complete the Communication Cycle.
Sender Receiver
Page 11 Dealing with Difficult Customers
The Artist and the Communicator
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 12
Direct Communication Exercise
Review the following explanation of each step.
STEP 1: Describe to the other disputant his or her specific behavior that is getting
in the way of your ability to resolve the conflict. This will help you and the party
involved stay focused.
Approach: Keep your message focused on the behavior, not the personality.
Remember that your goal is to communicate a way of correcting a situation that is
interfering with the dialogue. Example: “When you yell at me….”
STEP 2: Express your feelings and reactions about the other person’s behavior.
Talking about how you feel gives the other person information about how his or her
behavior is impacting you.
Approach: Speak using “I” rather than generalizing; use “I feel…” rather than
“everyone feels.” Example: “I feel attacked…”
STEP 3: Suggest an alternate behavior. The benefit is that this provides specific
information on what you need from the other person.
Approach: First ask specifically what you want the other person to do. Be sure that
it’s doable. Give suggestions, requesting rather than commanding. Example:
“Please try to speak to me rather than yell at me.”
STEP 4: Outline the positive results and offer support; review the situation. This
will provide an opportunity to make sure that the other person understands what is
expected from the new behavior, and also feels encouraged.
Approach: Revisit the points discussed, focusing on the importance of the change in
behavior. Be positive about the outcome.
Page 13 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Now, think of a past experience where you were engaged in conflict with a
customer and answer the following:
1. What was the behavior? Describe it.
2. Describe your feelings when the behavior occurred. How did you react?
3. What would you like to see changed? What alternative behavior could you
suggest?
4. How could you end on a positive note?
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 14
Effective Listening Self-Assessment Not Usually Sometimes Always
My mind is completely absorbed by what they are saying
and it seldom wanders when I speak with others.
I hold my comments until the other person is finished
speaking.
I allow distractions like ringing telephones, busy street
traffic, or other conversations in a room distract my
attention from what someone is saying to me.
I tend to acknowledge what is being said with statements
such as “I understand” and “I see.”
I encourage the conversation and ensure that it will be a
two-way flow of communication by asking open-ended
questions.
I demonstrate to others that I am listening by confirming
that I understand what they are saying.
I judge and respond to only the value of what is being said
rather than the way and manner in which a person says it.
When I am talking with others, I read their body language,
as well as listen to their words, to fully interpret what
they are telling me
When talking with others, I try to read what’s going on
behind their spoken words by asking myself what they
might be feeling, why they are saying what they are
saying, and what is implied by what they say.
Whenever I talk with others, I either take mental or
written notes of the major idea, the key points, and the
supporting points and/or reasons
Page 15 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Components of Active Listening
Identify in the second column the letter of the correct definition for each.
A. Concentrate
Gather information about your
speaker through questions and
statements.
B. Acknowledge
Dealing successfully with highly
charged messages in a thoughtful
manner.
C. Research Observe nonverbal messages and
body language of speaker.
D. Emotional
Control
Organize the information you get
through listening, observing, and
note-taking.
E. Sensing Focus your attention on the
speaker and only the speaker.
F. Structure Demonstrate interest and
attention.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 16
Verbal Encouragers
Identify some phrases and verbal encouragers you can use to let the other person
know you are listening and understand their point of view.
Page 17 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Escalate Vs. Acknowledge
The following is a list of typical remarks heard in a conflict situation. Mark “E”
for those that lead to escalation or “A” for those that acknowledge the other
party’ s position. (See the first two lines for examples.)
__E__ Why didn’t you listen?
__A__ That must have been hard for you.
_____ It’s interesting that…
_____ You ought to apologize to her for…
_____ In other words…
_____ I think you’re hiding something.
_____ If you really felt that way, you would have…
_____ So you think that…
_____ Your main concern is…
_____ If I were you…
_____ You are angry because…
_____ You’re just trying to get out of it.
_____ You say that this issue is important to you.
_____ You feel frustrated that the machine is not working.
_____ Your office supplies are the most expensive in the department.
_____ You see yourself as a very dedicated employee.
_____ You’re so late, I don’t think you’ll ever get it done.
_____ You’re always disrupting the meeting.
_____ It’s upsetting that your overtime is interfering with your family life.
_____ It will never work.
_____ You are wondering if this problem can be solved.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 18
Clarifying Fact Vs. Opinion
Place the letter F in front of the sentences you see as statements of Fact and
place the letter O in front of the sentences you see as Opinions.
1. ___ You spend too much time doing the job.
2. ___ When I showed up yesterday, no one was home.
3. ___ You're too impatient.
4. ___ The work that you did was great.
5. ___ The conditions you requested were approved.
6. ___ It's not fair that you always get the easier assignments at this company.
When you have completed the above exercise, rewrite those sentences that you
identified as opinions on the lines below, putting them in the form of factual
statements.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Identifying Real Issues
Jot down some responses to “Uncovering the Hidden Agenda”.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Page 19 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Non-judgmental Exercise
In each of the situations below, pretend you are the recipient of a complaint.
Decide initially what the complainer’s interest really is. Then think of a response
that recognizes the complainer’s interest and initiates a discussion, thereby
avoiding an argument.
“I had to show the engineer how to fix it, but he took all the credit himself.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________
“Debbie always chit chats too much. I can never get anything done.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________
“Mike always leaves his equipment in a mess.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________
“This is my property and you can’t make me take down my shed.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________
“Mark always comes to me for help, but then he cuts me off in the parking lot and laughs at me.” Interest: ________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 20
Building Rapport: The Non-verbal Component
Identify all of the body language and paralanguage traits you need to be aware of
when communicating with another person.
Keep in mind
Sometimes it isn’t just what you say, but the way that
you say something that makes the most difference. Your
ability to be in command with both your language and
your paralanguage is significant to your effectiveness in
communicating with others.
Body Language Paralanguage
Page 21 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Voice Tone: Guided Note-taking
Complete each definition. Vocal cues that you should be aware of include:
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 22
Body Language
In your teams, come up with some factors to consider for each.
Posture ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Eye contact ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Facial expressions ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Hand gestures ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Space ______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Page 23 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Five Techniques for Success
1. “I” vs. YOU Language
2. Anticipation
3. Self-Interest
4. Limit-Setting
5. Consequences
“I” vs. “You” Review: Guided Note-taking
Fill in the appropriate terms.
Communicate _____________________________________________________
___________________________________________Your Statements with “I”
Use “I” statements when expressing your ______________________________
Turning “You” Statements into “I” Statements
“You were wrong.”
_____________________________________________________________________.
“You made a mistake.”
_____________________________________________________________________.
“Your idea will never work.”
_____________________________________________________________________.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 24
Creating Anticipatory Statements
You can use this technique to gain cooperation, influence others, win respect, or overcome stereotypes others may have about you. Fill in the appropriate terms.
_________________________________________________________ reactions
______________________________________ reactions into your statements
“I understand it will be an inconvenience for you when we are
working in your backyard.”
“I realize that you don’t have to allow us on your property but
it will be a big help to your community if you do.”
Self-Interest: Guided Note-taking
By keeping other people’s self-interest in mind, you’re much more likely to gain
their cooperation and support. Fill in the appropriate terms.
Determine your ___________________________ areas of self-interest.
Incorporate those __________________________________* of self-interest
into your statements to them.
Identify some of the self-interests of the customers you deal with.
Page 25 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Limit-Setting: Guided Note-taking
In Limit-Setting, you define the parameters of a relationship or situation so that
expectations are clear to all. Fill in the appropriate terms.
Communicate ____________________________________ by letting others
know what you will or won’t do.
Be careful not to communicate in a non-assertive, ______________________
manner.
Clarify ________________________________________________________ by
establishing agreements, and setting specific dates, times and expectations
for how work is to be completed.
Creating Limit-Setting Statements
Rewrite each of the following statements so that they include a limit.
I don’t think I’ll have much time to help you.
It’s not a good idea to be late.
I was expecting to be paid more.
Our production people need more time.
It may be difficult to get both of these projects done when you want them.
Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 26
Consequences
The definition of consequence is an action or sanction that states to the other
person the likely outcome of continuing a problematic behavior. Fill in the
appropriate terms.
State before severe _______________________________ become necessary.
State in a _________________________________________________ manner.
Make sure that you have ____________________________________ power to
back up whatever you state as a consequence.
Remember that consequences must be ________________________________
and that follow through is essential.
Ethical Dilemma Checklist
– Is it illegal?
– Does it meet my ethical standards?
– Does it comply with my company standards?
– Does it comply with Land Surveying Practice
Guidelines?
– Will it compromise safety and quality standards?
– If I perform this act, will I feel bad afterwards?
– Would I do it if someone I respect was watching
me?
– How would I feel if my actions appeared in the
media?
– If I know it is wrong – don’t do it!
– If I am not sure – ask. Keep asking until I get an
answer.
Page 27 Dealing with Difficult Customers
Quote of the Moment
I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be
done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe-That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the
ones to help you get back up.
I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't
give me the right to be cruel.
I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and
what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but
we are responsible for who we become.
I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life
forever.
I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally
different.
I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even
know you.
I believe-That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I believe- That you should share this message with all of the people that you believe in.