power tool: rosie kropp arrogance vs. humility

© Copyright 2012 Rosie Kropp – Arrogance vs Humility – Power Tool

Power Tool Assessment Name: Rosie Kropp Date: 25th July 2012 Student ID Email: [email protected] Complete your Power Tool in the space below and then email as an attachment to [email protected]


Power tool: Arrogance vs Humility By: Rosie Kropp

Introduction On a daily basis we constantly interact with other people, some of who we know very well and some that we do not know at all -‐ or only know on a very shallow level -‐ like the cashier in our grocery, the bus driver or the mail man. How we interact with other people -‐ our attitude, body language, behaviour and words -‐ will reflect and trigger a reaction in the other person as well as in our selves. The way we are perceived will create a memory that stays in the other persons mind and as the story goes: first impression lasts. Sometimes we find that we act in a way that is not aligned with our values and perception of ourselves. This can cause negative feelings in others and us. Reflection on our actions is important in order to understand our selves. Understanding whom I am and how I want to be perceived is important for personal development. If I know this, I can then align my behaviour, attitude and actions to my ideal image of myself. Arrogance and humility are two powerful behaviours that can trigger a cascade of emotions in people and it is important to find a good balance as well as when to behave in what way. Both behaviours can be efficient in different situations as long as you are true to yourself and your purpose. Understanding and controlling those emotions is a way of understanding people and values. Frank Lloyd Wright once said: “Early in my career I had to choose between an honest arrogance and a hypercritical humility. I deliberately choose an honest arrogance, and I've never been sorry.”


Reading What is arrogance? “Arrogance is in everything I do. It is in my gestures, the harshness of my voice, in the glow of my gaze, in my sinewy, tormented face.” - Coco Chanel Arrogance is often explained as an offensive display of superiority or selfimportance, a kind of overbearing pride. 1) Being arrogant means having or displaying a sense of overbearing self-‐worth or self-‐importance. It can also be seen as marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one's superiority toward others: an arrogant contempt for the weak.2)

Self-‐confidence or pride can sometimes be mistaken for arrogance, especially in some cultures where “the law of jante” exists. This can be explained as a pattern of group behaviour towards individuals within Scandinavian communities, which negatively portrays and criticises individual success and achievement as unworthy and inappropriate. 3) In those countries mentioning your individual success is perceived as “bragging” and showing arrogance, no matter of who you are and what your intent is. In other cultures, such as the US, you are taught from an early age to show self-‐confidence and talk about your achievements. That is seen as something positive and people encourage each other towards success.

Self-‐confidence is a fantastic asset, same as with intelligence, but it has to be used with discretion and tact. If you try to impress people on how self-‐confident or intelligent you are it will likely be seen as arrogance. However, if you use those great gifts to inspire people around you, it will be perceived as something positive.

It is worth looking at some distinctions on confidence vs. arrogance. Both involve believing in one’s abilities but they often stem from two different roots. Arrogance is often underplayed by insecurity and an arrogant person tends to be arrogant to compensate for areas of weakness that distress the individual. A confident person finds the root of their confidence in self-‐acceptance and accepts their weaknesses or faults, even though they may not like them. These are key points when understanding confidence vs. arrogance. 4)

In arrogance, natural self-‐confidence goes wrong or is perceived in the wrong way. Arrogant people tend to not see any weakness in themselves but can always find flaws in others. Arrogance attempts to fill our inner emptiness with ego rather than allowing that emptiness to blossom into humility. If we can allow ourselves to be at the same level of importance as others: not higher, despite our gifts, and not lower, despite our defects — just ordinary – it will be the antidote to arrogance and its second greatest fear: to be an ordinary person. 5)


What is humility? “A great man is always willing to be little.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson Humility is the quality of being modest and respectful. 6) It means, to show respect and deference toward other people, thinking and behaving in a way that treats all people the same that no one is more important than you, and no one is less important. It also means to have a modest and unassuming in attitude and behaviour and feeling. 7)

Humility means that the person doesn't consider himself superior or inferior. He doesn't need the attention of others to make him feel good about himself. He does something without even taking credit for it. He keeps an open-‐mind because he knows that he doesn't know it all. He knows how to be in other people's shoes. He remains the same and treats everyone the same whether they are an emperor or a beggar. He understands suffering. Money and power are not considered as success but rather to feel bliss is the real success. He knows that everybody wants to love and be loved. Being humble is being modest. You're not arrogant or prideful. You're humble. 8)

"The humility of a warrior is not the humility of the beggar. The warrior lowers his head to no one, but at the same time, he doesn’t permit anyone to lower his head to him. The beggar, on the other hand, falls to his knees at the drop of a hat and scrapes the floor to anyone he deems to be higher; but at the same time, he demands that someone lower than him scrape the floor for him." -‐ Carlos Castaneda

A humble person lives a selfless life while learning about other people and how to meet their needs in all ways. This means intellectually, spiritually, philosophically, and even materially. A humble person leads by example and has absence of pride.

Humility is about controlling how you think about yourself and others. If you think negatively about others, in any way, it shows you consider yourself above them. If you think positively about anyone in any way, it shows you consider yourself below him or her. To be humble you need to truly think of all as being one and the same.

Reflection

In today’s society it is sometimes hard to focus on humility due to the constant encouragement of competition and individuality. However, confidence without


competence is a dangerous combination, which can lead to arrogance and therefore self-‐comparison, is key to measure true personal progress. Confidence in combination with humility will give the balance leading to more positive perception.

The last year’s global crisis has seen a rise in unemployment, bankruptcy and civil unrest. Each day in the media, it seems that somewhere, some corporate executive is under fire for unethical or even criminal wrongdoing. We have experienced unprecedented greed and arrogance from a group of people that behaves like they are above the law. This is due to failure of corporate and society control mechanisms as well as a lack of ethics and morale among both leaders and followers. Often it is explained with arrogance and lack of humility, but is it really that easy?

At the moment there is a movement in the world that insists arrogance, greed and selfishness don't have to be the hallmarks of business. It's a model of business management that's catching on with corporations today, called servant leadership. 9)

Servant leadership is based on humility. It means killing the egotistical, self-‐centred person inside all of us who wants to be comforted, petted and admired. 10) Humility is the heart of a leader and leading with humility is seen as the opposite of leading with pride and arrogance. 11) The question is, can humility be good for business and for the individual?

Servant leadership is said to bring many benefits which is why a humble approach in life serves not only others but also oneself. Some of the worlds most respected and admired leaders – Nelson Mandela, Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King and Mother Theresa – all share a strong sense of humility and ethics where they have dedicated themselves to improve the world. They are seen as the good forces of the world, but why are not all leaders acting in this way if this is the right leadership model? It is important to be aware that the road to righteousness and arrogance is a parallel road that can intersect each other several times throughout a person's life. It’s often hard to recognize one road from another. What makes them different is the road to righteousness is paved with the love of humanity. The road to arrogance is paved with the love of self. 12) Although some businesses may not have realised it yet, social media and increasing transparency are already opening up organisations. Leaders can push their businesses to take advantage of this, but they will only reap rewards – in the form of more effective workplaces and more satisfied customers – if they have the humility to talk less and listen more. Humility is not about abasement: it is about knowing your strengths and weaknesses, involving others and accepting that you may not always have the best solutions. Leaders can still exercise influence and judgement, but the decision-‐making process becomes more collective. 13)

However, there are still many situations in personal and corporate life where we can see arrogance winning over humility. Why is it like that? Can arrogance be a good


thing if you want to be successful and not be perceived as weak? Many women in corporate life can bear witness that lack of arrogance is sometimes closing doors for them while their male colleagues use a certain amount of arrogance to get higher on the ranks. That does not necessarily mean that the men are better than the women, it only means that in some circles, arrogance is seen as positive and equals self-‐confidence. Thinking back to Coco Chanel’s quote above, she used arrogance in order to succeed in a very competitive environment.

When it comes to humility, it is not that easy or obvious to tell who shows true humility and when thinking honestly of what about humility really means, one realize that there are very few true humble people out there. Maybe because it is so difficult to sacrifice yourself to serve others, as it often means doing things that does not automatically gain yourself?

Today’s world is a tough place and one needs a certain amount of self-‐confidence to survive. To talk about your achievements and be proud of them should not automatically have to be seen as bragging and arrogance. At the same time humility is important for us to live better lives and improve the lives of others. They both serve each other and we need to create a good balance and understand the impact they have on others.

Coaching application

As a coach you can help your client by bringing awareness about what arrogance, confidence and humility is and the effect it has on others and the society. You can discuss how the client sees him/herself and how their ideal image would be.

What does arrogance and humility means for you?

How do you see yourself in terms of those behaviours?

Why do you think that self-‐confidence and pride is often misinterpreted as arrogance?

What makes you feel confident about yourself? How do you express that to others?

What could be the advantage and disadvantage of showing humility towards others?

Think of a situation where you acted in an arrogant way – with or without purpose -‐ and the result it had upon yourself and the other person/persons. What was the result of the situation? What would have been the outcome if you had shown humility instead?


As self-‐confidence and self-‐promotion is needed in often needed to succeed in today's highly competitive world -‐ how can you achieve this with a humble approach?

What is your view of servant, humble leadership? How could it improve your life?

List 5 situations where you have spoken or acted arrogant and shift your perspective into humility. What difference would it make? References and sources:

1. Dictionary.com 2. Wikipedia: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_arrogant_mean#ixzz1wLCOiKBz 3. The Law of Jante from Wikipedia 4. Confidence: www.communicationconfidence.com/confidence-‐vs-‐arrogance.html 5. Inner Frontier: cultivating spiritual presence 6. Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humility 7. Wiki Answers, http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_humility 8. Yahoo answers, 9. Can humility, faith be good for business? By Stone Phillips, NBC News 10. “Humility, the core of Servant Leadership”, Harry Joiner 11. “Humility, the heart of a leader” Katherine A. Patterson, PhD. School of Global

Leadership and Entrepreneurship 12. Quotes for the Journey, Shannon L. Alder 13. Nicholas Ind, “Humble Leaders”

power tool: rosie kropp arrogance vs. humility

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