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Eileen Gunn - No Place to Raise Kids_files/sbmural.jpgEileen Gunn - No Place to Raise Kids_files/sffeet.jpgEileen Gunn - No Place to Raise Kids_files/3gunn.jpgEileen Gunn - No Place to Raise Kids.htmNo Place to Raise Kids

by Eileen Gunn

Story Copyright (C) 2007, Eileen Gunn.

Images Copyright (C) 2007, Rudy Rucker.

500 Words.

This is no place to raise kids, Jim thought,looking around at smooth canvas rocks and pathetic plastic trees. Butfor people like us, in love and on the run, with babies on the way,theres no good place and no good time.

Theyd managed to conceal their affair fromprying eyes, even on the mercilessly public stage that was theEnterprise. If, as he expected, Uhura knew, she had kept their secret.But, with the twins gestation so near, there was nothing to do butjump ship, taking with them only the few props they could grab from thescience officers kip and, at the last minute, McCoys black bag. Jimknew there was nothing in it but modernist pepper mills and hand-carvedpieces of styrofoam packing material, but it would have to do in apinch. Those weird bits of styrofoam had saved his own life in thepast.

He looked over at Spock, who was sitting propped up against one of the fake rocks, breathing in short pants. ( In short pants, he thought. Who writes this crap? They should read their damned scripts out loud.)

Push, he said. Shouldnt you push?

Or should you not push? What did he know of these things? Where was Computer? Computer would know. Computer was on the ship.

We should have used a glass tank, he thought. ButSpock had wanted the human experience of giving birth, and, of course,hed had the knowledge and skill to make the necessary modifications.And now Spock was bringing forth his children in sorrow, the curse ofEve, one hundred percent human.

Hes so stoic, Jim thought. So stoic, sobrilliantand so beautiful, really. Will he continue to be this lovelyto me when the makeup wears off and the rubber ears crumble? Or will wesink into boring domesticity, raising tribbles, perhaps, for HarryMudd? Centuries from now, a minute or two at warp speeds, theEnterprise will discover us gone. Will they return to this godforsakenlocation to look for us, and find us dead, our starving descendantswelcoming them as saviors? Or will they find a prosperous community,happily into syndication, repeating itself season after season? Thanksto relativity and the power of television, the crew of the Enterprisewill remain young while we breed, age, and die.

He could call Scottie with the flick of a switch,and Scottie would beam them up. Jim considered the idea. A few specialeffects, and he and Spock, in the throes of childbirth, wouldrematerialize on the deck of the Enterprise. Then the show would cutfor a commercial, and the kids would generate plot complicationshappily ever after.

Thats not real life, Jim thought. Thats not what its all about.

He could hear Spock thrashing against the canvas rock. He was yelling Grab the baby! Turn its head! This was real life.

About the Author

Photo of Eileen Gunn by Leslie Howle

Eileen Gunn is a short story writer, author of the collection Stable Strategies and Others(Tachyon, 2004). She received the Nebula award in 2005 for Best ShortStory, and her work has been nominated for the Hugo, Nebula, WorldFantasy, and Philip K. Dick awards, and short-listed for the Tiptreeaward. Since 1988, she has served on the board of directors of the Clarion West Writers Workshop. She is the editor and publisher of the Infinite Matrix webzine, which refuses to die, despite the fact that she's been clubbing it like a baby seal for the past two years.

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