HOW TO RAISE KIDS WHO SHARE

YOUR VALUESA guide to telling honest stories about

your worst mistakes, biggest wins, and all the lessons in between

If you want to influence someone to embrace a particular value

in their daily lives, tell them a compelling story.

—Annette Simmons

As parents, we cannot protect our kids from heartbreak and disappointment But we can

tell stories that prepare them to

MEET THE CHALLENGES

OF THE WORLD.

We cannot solve our kids’ problems, as much as we’d like to. But we can

TELL STORIES that inspire them to work hard

and make better choices.

We cannot force our kids to adopt our values. But we can tell stories that

INSPIRE THEMto act with fairness and integrity,

even when it is very tempting not to.

The problem is, most people don’t know how to tell stories that kids will actually listen to and learn from.

Most parents deliver a lecture and think they’re telling a story. But they’re not. So the lesson falls flat.

This is a problem, but fortunately, it’s a problem with a simple solution.

LEARN HOW TO TELL BETTER STORIES

Once you understand the basic elements, it’s simpler than you might think.

It’s also very exciting — and deeply rewarding.

BUT BEFORE YOU TELL STORIES ABOUT

YOUR VALUES, YOU HAVE TO KNOW

WHAT THEY ARE.

When a research team at Duke University decided to study values, this is what they found:

If you follow someone around for three weeks, closely tracking their behaviour, you will see their values clearly.

Your values are not what you “say” you care about. Your values are what you actually do. (Behaviour. Choices. Actions. Not words.)

YOU CAN’T TEACH A VALUE THAT

YOU ARE NOT LIVING.

Kids are incredibly gifted at sniffing out fraudulence and hypocrisy. If you are trying to teach a value that you’re not living,

your kids will be able to tell.

Imagine that a secret camera crew is following you around for 24 hours without your knowledge. Based on what they observe

as you go about your daily business,

WHICH VALUESwould they see you living most often?

THESE ARE YOUR CORE VALUES RIGHT NOW.

If you want to tell stories that your kids will remember —

STORIES THAT WILL INFLUENCE THEIR

DECISIONSstart by telling stories that express your core values.

What if there are certain values that you are not currently living...

but that you really want to be living? Can you teach those values

to your kids, somehow?

If “Patience” is a value you want to be living, for example, but you’re not a particularly patient person, then you need

to re-architect your life so that you can become a more patient person. Once you’re a few steps down the path, then you can tell stories

about what you’ve learned so far, what you’re still struggling with, and what you’re going to do next.

GREAT STORIES SHARE FOUR THINGS

IN COMMON.(This is it: the master formula.)

Every great story ever told features someone in trouble. Someone facing a challenge, a predicament, a real sticky situation.

You have to tell your kids stories about the things that went wrong for you, and how you overcame those challenges,

even if the challenge is something as small as being late for a meeting.

CHALLENGE

We’re bombarded by so much input every second that we literally can only process so much, and most of our attention goes

to the things that are out of the ordinary.

Your story will captivate and influence your kids if you include a part where you did something they wouldn’t expect of you.

This “element of surprise” can be something as minor as ditching school to go to the beach when you were a teenager, to something

as major as betraying a beloved friend.

SURPRISE

NO EMOTION? BORING STORY.This doesn’t mean that you need to break down bawling

and sobbing every time you tell a story to your kids. It means that you have to become an emotional archeologist: mining through

past experiences and then describing, honestly and openly, how it felt back then, at that time, in the midst of that challenge.

EMOTION

Imagery is what makes a story stick. Without the right detail, a story is heard once and then quickly dissipates. If you want your kids

to remember your stories and the lessons embedded in them, add as much interesting visual detail as you can.

DETAIL

BRING YOUR WORK HOME WITH YOU.

Nobody wants to be labeled a

“WORKAHOLIC.” But there is a big difference between bringing your “workload”

home with you — your documents, your spreadsheets, your lengthy phone calls — and bringing your “work” home with you

— as in, your passion, your excitement, your ideas, your projects, your cause.

The next time you sit down to have a meal after work with your family, ask: “What was the toughest thing you had

to deal with today and what did you learn?” Then share a story of your own. Use this story as an opportunity to

INSTILL ONE OF YOUR CORE VALUES.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW ALL THE FACTS.

JUST THE TRUTH.

Always remember when telling stories to your children that “getting it right” has very little to do with “getting the facts down.”

“Getting it right” means tapping into the emotional core of the story and then sharing your feelings,

as you recall them, honestly and vulnerably.

PERFECTION IS BORING. SHOW YOUR FLAWS.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case,

you fail by default. — J.K. Rowling

When you show your kids your flaws, you are giving them a

TREMENDOUS GIFT:

The gift of knowing that failure is a natural part of life. The gift of knowing that you are not perfect,

yet still worthy of admiration and respect.

Not because you always did everything “right.” But because you have slipped, fallen, and still have the

GRIT TO GET BACK UP AND FIGHT.

STAND IN YOUR VALUES AND DRAW OUT NEW

STORIES EVERY DAY.

Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, the youngest female billionaire in the US, is often asked: “To what do you credit your success?”

She says that all throughout her childhood, her father posed the same question to his family around the dinner table,

time and time again: “What have you failed at this week?”

If Sara had no failures to report, her father would give her a disappointed look. No failure meant she hadn’t

really been trying to challenge herself.

AND THAT...WAS THE REAL FAILURE.

This is a prime example of how you can use a recurring family experience — like dinner time, driving to ballet class,

bedtime, bath time, or a special experience like a vacation, or holiday gathering — as an opportunity to reinforce core values,

over and over, but in new and fresh ways.

Try it yourself. Create a new family ritual. This can be centered around a daily question that your kids come to expect and enjoy.

“What is one way you helped another person today?”

It can be a recurring story-game around the Sunday night dinner table.

“WHAT HAVE YOU FAILED AT THIS

WEEK?”

Or, if you’re traveling, far away from your kids, try doing a nightly bedtime text (“Tell me about the toughest

moment of your day. What did you do?

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?)

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

By creating daily or weekly

STORYTELLING RITUALS

storytelling will become a part of your life — an automatic habit, rather than something you have to “think” about or “remember” to do.

Don’t give your kids the sanitized “résumé” version of your life.Don’t give them lectures or preach lessons that you are not living.

That’s not interesting, helpful, or satisfying.That won’t help to instill your core values.

Instead, give your kids honest,

EMOTIONAL STORIESabout your worst mistakes, your biggest wins,

and all the lessons in between. Show them who you are, how you got here, and what you stand for. Show them where

you are still struggling and striving to improve, too.

MIS-TAKE

This is how you will raise kids who share your values, who root for you, and who are equipped

to meet the world’s challenges

AND SUCCEED.

GIVE YOUR KIDS YOUR BEST STORIES.

They will be forever grateful to you.

THANK YOU. BE WELL + TELL GOOD STORIES.

SO, ER, WHERE ARE THE STORIES? It’s not lost on us that we’ve been talking about stories —

but haven’t yet shared any!

We’re about half-way through production on an eBook that’s rich with stories and illustrative examples about telling great stories.

Sign up here to be the first to receive your free What We Stand For eBook and guide.

ECHO IS A STORYTELLING AGENCYWe make books, videos and digital stories for companies

who need to engage customers and employees, and for individuals who want to leave a legacy.