men against violence a non-profit men’s program committed to helping men age 16 and older stop...
TRANSCRIPT
MMen en AAgainst gainst VViolenceiolence
A non-profit men’s program A non-profit men’s program committed to committed to
helping men age 16 and older helping men age 16 and older stop violence stop violence
to themselves, their intimate to themselves, their intimate partners, their partners, their
families and their communities.families and their communities.
HistoryHistory
The MAV program uses the The MAV program uses the Manalive curriculum originally Manalive curriculum originally designed in 1980. Today the designed in 1980. Today the program has expanded to the program has expanded to the communities of communities of San FranciscoSan Francisco, , MarinMarin, , SacramentoSacramento, , PlacerPlacer, and , and Nevada countiesNevada counties. The Manalive . The Manalive model is used in model is used in San Quentin San Quentin State PrisonState Prison, as well as the , as well as the Marin, San Francisco and Marin, San Francisco and Sacramento county jailsSacramento county jails..
Penal CodePenal Code
The Manalive curriculum was The Manalive curriculum was used as the used as the
model for model for State Assembly Bill State Assembly Bill 226226 which which
defined the parameters for all defined the parameters for all batterer’s batterer’s
intervention programs (BIP) intervention programs (BIP) statewide. statewide.
SolutionSolution
We provide a structured We provide a structured environment where men can re-environment where men can re-educate themselves to live a non educate themselves to live a non violent life.violent life.
Awareness + Action = ChangeAwareness + Action = Change
A 52 Week A 52 Week Three Stage ProgramThree Stage Program
First StageFirst StageStopping Stopping MyMy Violence To Violence To MyMy Partner Partner
Second Stage Second Stage Coming Back to Your Authentic SelfComing Back to Your Authentic Self
Third StageThird StageCreating a Fulfillment PlanCreating a Fulfillment Plan
First StageFirst Stage
Stopping Stopping MyMy Violence Violence
To To MyMy Partner Partner
AccountabilityAccountability
It’s the first step to stop your It’s the first step to stop your
violence, and the first violence, and the first agreement agreement
we ask the men to make:we ask the men to make:
““I agree that I am violent to I agree that I am violent to myself and others.”myself and others.”
Types of Violence Types of Violence
EmotionalEmotional (Space, Time, Energy, Material)(Space, Time, Energy, Material)
VerbalVerbal(Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten)(Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten)
PhysicalPhysical(To / Around)(To / Around)
SexualSexual
Legal System Legal System TransformationTransformation
New Policies Being Enforced New Policies Being Enforced Towards Domestic ViolenceTowards Domestic Violence
Zero ToleranceZero Tolerance
Pro ArrestPro Arrest
Dominant AggressorDominant Aggressor
Off the FocusOff the Focus
DenialDenial
BlameBlame
MinimizeMinimize
ColludeCollude
Impact of Domestic Impact of Domestic ViolenceViolence
PartnerPartner
ChildrenChildren
Family/CommunityFamily/Community
SelfSelf
Gender Based Gender Based
AnalysisAnalysis
Patriarchal, Cultural and Patriarchal, Cultural and Conditioning Conditioning
““Men are superior over others, Men are superior over others, including other men.”including other men.”
Why I Become Why I Become Violent?Violent?
Enforcing the Male Role Belief Enforcing the Male Role Belief System of Being Superior Over My System of Being Superior Over My
PartnerPartner
* Remove the Mystery of Your * Remove the Mystery of Your ViolenceViolence* Violence is a Method I Use to Make * Violence is a Method I Use to Make Me Feel Me Feel Like a “Real Man”Like a “Real Man”* A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” * A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” Needs Needs FulfilledFulfilled
The Male Role Belief The Male Role Belief SystemSystem
Training BeliefsTraining Beliefs
Get love and respect if Get love and respect if we stay in our box.we stay in our box.
Get love and respect if Get love and respect if we make sure she stays we make sure she stays in her box.in her box.
FeelActCommunicateThinkSexFeelActCommunicateThinkSex
The Male Role Belief The Male Role Belief SystemSystem
My RoleMy RoleActing the part of a Real Acting the part of a Real ManManBeing who I have been Being who I have been trained to betrained to beTrainingTrainingConscious / UnconsciousConscious / UnconsciousI am SuperiorI am SuperiorShe Holds Up Your BoxShe Holds Up Your BoxHer job is to make me feel Her job is to make me feel like the man I have to be.like the man I have to be.
FeelActCommunicateThinkSexFeelActCommunicateThinkSex
Fatal PerilFatal Peril
Deadly Fear of Image DyingDeadly Fear of Image DyingFalse AlarmFalse AlarmBody SignsBody Signs
TenseTenseTightnessTightness
ContractionContractionHead Tapes Head Tapes
StoryStoryFeelingsFeelings
Fatal PerilFatal Peril
Use of ViolenceUse of ViolenceForce partner back in the boxForce partner back in the box
SubtleSubtleEscalateEscalate
IntimidateIntimidateCoerceCoerceAbuseAbuse
New Coping SkillsNew Coping Skills
Learning New Actions and Communication Learning New Actions and Communication Skills That Takes Us Out Of The Box To Skills That Takes Us Out Of The Box To
Connect SafelyConnect Safely
My PartnerMy Partner
Nurturing MyselfNurturing Myself
Taking Care of My NeedsTaking Care of My Needs
All In A Peaceful Way!All In A Peaceful Way!
Tools for Building Tools for Building IntimacyIntimacy
The 4 A’sThe 4 A’s
AttentionAttention
AcceptanceAcceptance
AppreciationAppreciation
AffectionAffection
Tools for Building Tools for Building IntimacyIntimacy
QTIP = Quit Taking It PersonallyQTIP = Quit Taking It Personally
What others say is a projection of their own What others say is a projection of their own reality.reality.
Based on their past experiences, their Based on their past experiences, their interpretation of now or their imagined interpretation of now or their imagined
future.future.
When you are immune to your “MRBS” When you are immune to your “MRBS” trainingtraining
you won’t be the victim of needless you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.suffering.
Peace MakerPeace Maker
No matter what she does… No matter how No matter what she does… No matter how she does itshe does it
No matter what she says… No matter how No matter what she says… No matter how she says itshe says it
No matter what she thinks… No matter No matter what she thinks… No matter what I thinkwhat I think
No matter what she feels... No matter No matter what she feels... No matter what I feelwhat I feel
It’s up to me to create peace ...It’s up to me to create peace ...
Peace Maker Peace Maker (cont.)(cont.)
It’s up to me to create peace ...It’s up to me to create peace ...
In my heart, with my partner, and in my In my heart, with my partner, and in my homehome
No matter whatNo matter what
I will shift my energy, relax my body, I will shift my energy, relax my body, replace my thoughts, and connect safely.replace my thoughts, and connect safely.
Stage 2Stage 2
Don’t Forget Stage 1Don’t Forget Stage 1
Come Back to Your Authentic Come Back to Your Authentic SelfSelf
Your Shift Occurs Your Shift Occurs When You Learn…When You Learn…
How To Be Authentically Human In How To Be Authentically Human In Seeing Her and Seeing YourselfSeeing Her and Seeing Yourself
As EQUALAs EQUALAs VALUABLEAs VALUABLEAs POWERFULAs POWERFUL
To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, Blame, Judgment, and VictimBlame, Judgment, and Victim
The Shift of The Shift of PerceptionPerception
My Perspective Changes…My Perspective Changes… to one of equalityto one of equality
Perspective Changes… Perspective Changes… Changes my storyChanges my story
Different Perspective… Different Perspective… Creates a different meCreates a different me
The Shift of The Shift of Perception Perception (con’t)(con’t)
My Partner Is Free To Pursue In My Partner Is Free To Pursue In the Style and Timing of Her the Style and Timing of Her
ChoosingChoosing
Her LIFEHer LIFEHer LIBERTYHer LIBERTY
Her HAPPINESSHer HAPPINESSHer SAFETYHer SAFETY
Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)
Soften YourselfSoften Yourself
Relax Your BodyRelax Your Body
Replace Your Hit-Man’s StoryReplace Your Hit-Man’s Story
Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)
Stop – Look – Listen… From your Stop – Look – Listen… From your heartheart
Declare and Respect BoundariesDeclare and Respect Boundaries
Conscious Breath, Conscious Conscious Breath, Conscious ChoiceChoice
Blow out the candles / Smell the Blow out the candles / Smell the rosesroses
Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)
Identify Feelings Under AngerIdentify Feelings Under Anger
FearFearSadnessSadness
PainPain
Express SafelyExpress Safely
Style and Timing Is Style and Timing Is CriticalCritical
Authentic SelfAuthentic Self- Sincere and Honest- Sincere and Honest- Gentle- Gentle- Adaptable- Adaptable- Patient- Patient- Ability to stand under your own and - Ability to stand under your own and other’s other’s experiences with empathy and experiences with empathy and compassion to compassion to connect safelyconnect safely
Choose Skills that Choose Skills that Work for any SituationWork for any Situation
CompassionCompassion
EmpathyEmpathy
LoveLove
RespectRespect
Stage 3Stage 3
Create a Self Fulfillment PlanCreate a Self Fulfillment Plan
&&
Restore IntimacyRestore Intimacy
Rescue TriangleRescue TriangleCo-DependencyCo-Dependency
RescueRescue
VictimVictim
PerpetratorPerpetrator
Creating FulfillmentCreating Fulfillment
Without depending on others…Without depending on others…
Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.
Tools for Restoring Tools for Restoring IntimacyIntimacy
Create Balance Through: Create Balance Through: Exercise, Diet, Sleep, Positive Exercise, Diet, Sleep, Positive
Thinking and SpiritualityThinking and Spirituality
12 Step Programs, Support 12 Step Programs, Support Groups, Parenting Classes, Self-Groups, Parenting Classes, Self-
Help Classes and Community Help Classes and Community ServiceService
Tools for Creating a Tools for Creating a Self Fulfillment PlanSelf Fulfillment Plan
FascinationFascinationWhen I Can Choose Fascination In Every SituationWhen I Can Choose Fascination In Every Situation
NegotiateNegotiateWhen I Can Negotiate Safely With My PartnerWhen I Can Negotiate Safely With My Partner
CollaborateCollaborateWhen I Can Collaborate As An EqualWhen I Can Collaborate As An Equal
ManifestationManifestationWhen I can allow our efforts to Manifest freelyWhen I can allow our efforts to Manifest freely
CelebrateCelebrateWhen I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of UsWhen I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of Us