mcguffys news prescott 05 23
DESCRIPTION
Mcguffys News PrescottTRANSCRIPT
5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
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AcceptingNew PatientsSedationDentistry
“where the customer walks all over them”Flooring Sales ● Professional Installation ● Complete Home Restoration
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Now they need you to help them make the right decision
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“Remember it is your choice where to bringyour vehicle for repair in case of an accident”
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Christie Aluminum Products
Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874
Al Stuart2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON.
613-925-3147
Heating & Cooling Systemssince 1904
www.stuartheating.com
StuartHeating & Cooling
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New Air conditioning!
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MUSIC LESSONS
DRUMS-GUITAR-BASS-PIANO-VOCAL
23 Perth StBrockville, ON613-498-3453
Don’t
Go On Stage
Wi thout Us!
Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com
McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer
613-925-5560
Great Pricing & Deals!
Get Dad a New Boatfor Father’s Day!
VOL.
5
Issu
e 23 Prescott
Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca
Gift Certi�cates
For All Occasions
Call AboutOur Girls Night In
or Birthday Packages
Robin’s 911 Esthetics
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Robin ShireMaster Medical Esthetician
613-803-4811
Manicures ~ Pedicures ~ Polish ChangeBody Waxing ~ Facials ~ Massage
Eyelash & Eyebrows Tinting
✓ ✓ ✓ ✓✓
Robin’s 911 EsthEticstania’s haiR at homEmayfiEld REtiREmEnt homEyouR family dollaR WinE Kitz
Sitting Next To A Parrot
Necessary Operationa surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. after studying the
x-rays and the charts, he turned to the man and said, “could you pay for an operation if i told you it was necessary?”
The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, “Would you find one necessary if i told you i couldn’t pay for it?”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Funny SignsIn A Comic Book Store
Very Funny, Scotty Now Beam Up My Clothes
nurse: doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named brown. doctor: What does he call his other eye?
silly
Q
uote If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
~ Judith Manners
Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one’s being. ~ Donald Curtis
Stress is an ignorant state. it believes that everything is an emergency. noth-ing is that important. ~ Natalie Goldberg
Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. ~ Robert J. Sawyer
It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I pay very little regard to what any young person says on the subject of mar-riage. if they profess a disinclination for it, i only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. ~ Jane Austen
DescriptiveThe dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
electric fan set on medium.
on reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. he asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "and get me a juice ugly lady!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another juice you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "i've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or i'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging down-wards the parrot turns to him and says "for someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
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HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?
Email the [email protected]
BESTPRICEALWAYS
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Open Daily11AM - 2AM
Varies Sunday
& Mondays
Live BandsSports on
the Big Screen
Check out our upcoming Entertainment Schedule
*All Persons subject to a $4.00 cover charge
Bigscreen ~ Billiards ~ Touch Tune Juke Box
186 king ST. West Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 0174
(must be age of majority)
June 9 Whiskey Rock
June 16 Abandon Eden
613 - 498 - 23954014 Hwy 29, Brockville, ON
(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)
Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm
Gift Certi�catesMake Great
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(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine
(see store for details)
Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!
Call Jon to Advertise
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♪ Music Notes ♫
Qui
ck
Rid
dle
• time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing
• time is what keeps everything from happening at once
• to be loved, be lovable
• to be old and wise you must first be young and stupid
• to err is human; to forgive is not company Policy
• turn signals: not just for smart people anymore
• unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button
• Want to be somebody? don’t drive after drinking
Bumper Snickers
Starting to Forget?
True Meaning of Adoption
soon after her brother was born, little sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. but she showed no signs of jealousy. she treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it. Elated, she went into the baby's room and shut the door, but it opened a crack — enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "baby, tell me what God feels like. i'm starting to forget."
teacher cindy moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. one little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other fam-
ily members. one child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "i know all about adoptions because i was adopted."
"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "it means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
in a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?
Their breath!
♪ The cd was developed by Philips and sony in 1980.
♪ 40 billion songs are downloaded illegally every year, that’s some 90% of all music downloads.
♪ The music industry generates about $4 billion in online music but loses about $40 billion to illegal downloads.
♪ top-selling albums used to reach sales of 20 million copies before the ad- vent of online piracy – by 2009 it had dropped to about 5 million.
♪ The number of recorded cds and blank cds sold were about equal.
♪ about one-third of recorded cds ever sold were pirated.
Le Theif
Marketing Gone Awry
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the louvre. however, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
“i had no monet to buy degas to make the Van Gogh.”
Real Ads The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise 1. no matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent. 2. for sale—eight puppies from a German shepherd and an alaskan hussy. 3. Great dames for sale. 4. have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Qui
ck
Quo
te A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~ Ruth Bell Graham
The coca-cola name in china was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “bite the Wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect.
coke then researched 40,000 char-acters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “happi-ness in the mouth.”
Good Question• Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if
chocolate comes from cocoabeans, and all beans are a vegetable?
• if you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
• how come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
• do you wake up or open your eyes first?• did noah have woodpeckers on the ark? if he
did, where did he keep them?• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book
publishers aren’t afraid to have a chapter 11?
• how do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Senior’s Discounts
Free
Estimates
New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]
HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249
Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service
Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF
We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!
SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays A
GE
OF
MAJORITY
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s June Line-Up:
June 9 Cancer Society Summer
June 8 Journey MenJune 9 Generation ZX (3-7)
Fiesta $5 7pm Fundraiser for relay for life - DJ
June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 29 Full Circle
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!
Advertise YourNon-Pro�t Community Event
in McGu�y’s News!
+ HST00
Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)
Call Jon613-342-0428Today!
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured
Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable
1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]
DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT
Check out our new McGuffy’s News Website!!attention Readers! now even more fun, mcGuffy’s news has now
websites in brockville and Prescott. you can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrock-ville.ca or www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JoKE of thE day! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our VidEo of thE WEEK! or chEcK out thE most comPREhEnsiVE community EVEnts calEndaR in thE aREa (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our community Photo GallERy (you can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have sudoku and crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!
check it out today and share with friends and family that mcGuffy’s news is now on-line in your area!!!
Look Back In Time
Bizarre Real Life Animal Laws
Sage AdviceQ: Why do hummingbirds hum? a: because they don’t know the words.
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
a: if they dropped them, they’d break.
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? a: because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? a: a walkie-talkie, of course.
Questions & Answers
1. over in berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.
2. horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of tahoe city, california.
3. in Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of seattle must be wearing a cowbell.
4. in burns, oregon, horses are al-lowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.
5. you can’t blow your nose in public places in leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.
CRO
SS
WO
RD
camp
Ever Wonder?• if a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights
crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
• if a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
• if a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• if a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
a woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. she was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
“Go to the marketplace,” he said, “and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road.” although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, “now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me.”
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. after searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. “you see,” said the old sage, “it’s easy to drop them, but it’s impossible to get them back. so it is with gossip. it doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong.”
19951. oJ simpson is found innocent, october 4 (he
was later found liable in a second trial).
2. Quebec, a province in canada with majority french speaking citizens, defeats a referendum on Quebec independence by less than 1 %
3. first planet outside our solar system found.
4. march 31, 1995. The singer selena Quintanilla Perez was murdered in corpus christi, texas by her fan club President yolanda saldivar.
5. august 24 microsoft released its much antici-pated Windows 95. millions of dollars were spent on ad compaigns by microsoft and retail stores. this release sealed the deal in america becoming digitized.
I Have Learned...
i’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, i’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me. ~ Age 15
Q &
a
Across4. buddy5. advisor8. Earned awards11. Rustic dwelling13. sailing a crude raft
14. light narrow boat15. bunch, clusterDown1. descriptive name2. brief note home3. fun activity
4. angling6. large, friendly fire7. Roasting dutch oven9. frolicking in water10. makes by hand12. bsa or Gsa unit
Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00
or1 year supply $199.00Acuve advance plus
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What We Sell!
Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws
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For Early Spring Tune Up
109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734
“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
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- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
Denture Specialist
Auto Parts
King Edward Auto Parts LTD
Ralph MurphyOwner
476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002
Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1
$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange
Special offer!
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)
613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]
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ViSalus Independent Distributor
LOSE WEIGHTSAVE MONEY
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Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915
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(613) 342-0428
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
Weddings & AnniversariesProms & GraduationsBirths & Baby ShowersBirthdays & House Parties
Party Sense "Be Di�erent! - WOW THEM WITH BALLOONS!"
Marj Kemp�er Certified Balloon Artist
[email protected] www.decoratewithballoons.com
Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes
Bon VoyageCorporate Parties & Events
613-340-8781
Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell) A Fresh Perspective
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-
ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900
Five Truths of Accountability
i've been speaking on or writing about PERsonal account-ability since 1995—and i've come to believe there are five truths that are self-evident:
1. Everybody wants everybody else to practice personal accountability. Enough said.
2. individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac-countability/responsibility/ownership:
Example: if i earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar home—and then lost that home—it was due to "predatory lending." but if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What a foolish thing for him to do!" sometimes, we need to say that to ourselves, and then ask The Question behind the Question (QbQ), "What can i learn from this experience?"
3. i am more effective in all roles—father, mother, professional, spouse, friend, volunteer—when i practice personal accountability.
4. life is more enjoyable—downright more fun!—when i walk on the high Road of Personal accountability.
5. it's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled—and expect others to bail me out of my bad choices.
now, if you don't agree with these five ideas—that's just fine. but that's the way i see it.
sudoku solution crossword solution
Marveling At The Moonon June 16, 1963, colonel-Engineer Valentina Vladimirovna tereshkova was a soviet cosmonaut and the first woman in space. sally Ride, astronaut from the united states, became the first american woman in space in 1983.
neil armstrong, astronaut for the united states, became the first person to walk on the moon. his moon walk took place on July 20, 1969. he trav-eled to the moon aboard apollo 11.
sergei Kirkalyov, cosmonaut from the soviet union, has spent the most time in space. he was aboard the space station for 2 years and 73 days.
Census CorundumThe Problem:
a census taker approaches a house and asks the woman who answers the door, ”how many children do you have, and what are their ages?”
Woman: “i have three children, the product of their ages are 36, the sum of their ages are equal to the address of the house next door.”
The census taker walks next door, comes back and says, “i need more information.” The woman replies, “i have to go, my oldest child is sleeping upstairs.”
census taker: “Thank you, i now have everything i need.” What are the ages of each of the three children?
The Solution:The reason the census taker could not figure out the children’s ages is be-
cause, even with knowing the number on the house next door, there were still two possibilities. The only way that the product could be 36 and still leave two possibilities is if the sum equals 13. These possibilities being 9, 2 and 2 or 6, 6 and 1.
When the home owner stated that her “oldest” child is sleeping she was giving the census taker the fact that there is an “oldest.” The children’s ages are therefore 9,2 and 2.
Very Punnya man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “my dog’s cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him? “ “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” so he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. finally, he says “i’m sorry, but i'm going to have to put him down.”
“What? because he’s cross-eyed?” wails the owner. “no, because he’s really heavy!”
Celebrity Quotes
“i’m not in competition with anybody but my-self. my goal is to beat my last performance.
~ celine dion
5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
DP@ 555 King St. W., Prescott ON613-925-2887 www.dentistryatprescott.ca
AcceptingNew PatientsSedationDentistry
“where the customer walks all over them”Flooring Sales ● Professional Installation ● Complete Home Restoration
FREE in Home Consultation
613-925-14502850 Edward St. N Prescott, Ontario
Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129
24/7 Service
Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.
3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.
Call the plumbing & water experts today!
PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS· FLEET TRUCKS· PAINT PROTECTION· HEAVY EQUIPMENT· SOLVENT PRINTING· VEHICLE STRIPES· REAL ESTATE SIGNS· ILLUMINATED SIGNS
613-802-5497
PROFESSIONAL SIGNS
SPECIALIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS
Check us out at : www.tntdynamitesigns.com
C-Way TowingUnlocksBoosts
Tire ChangeFuel Delivery
613-498-7436 ~ 613-802-0287www.cwaytowing.com
248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784
www.chartwellreit.ca
MAYFIELDRETIREMENT RESIDENCE
Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car
Now they need you to help them make the right decision
RIVERSIDE BODY SHOPRIVERSIDE BODY SHOPRepairs To All Makes
FREE ESTIMATES
RIVERSIDE BODY SHOP
“Remember it is your choice where to bringyour vehicle for repair in case of an accident”
303 Edward St., Prescott, ONT613-925-2410 (Fax)
613-925-1591
Christie Aluminum Products
Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!
900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874
Al Stuart2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON.
613-925-3147
Heating & Cooling Systemssince 1904
www.stuartheating.com
StuartHeating & Cooling
Get up to $200
In rebates on
New Air conditioning!
Summer
is coming!
Call us to
day
For Air C
onditioning Maintenance!
Pete’s Music ExchangeSales - Rentals - Repairs
MUSIC LESSONS
DRUMS-GUITAR-BASS-PIANO-VOCAL
23 Perth StBrockville, ON613-498-3453
Don’t
Go On Stage
Wi thout Us!
Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com
McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer
613-925-5560
Great Pricing & Deals!
Get Dad a New Boatfor Father’s Day!
VOL.
5
Issu
e 23 Prescott
Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca
Gift Certi�cates
For All Occasions
Call AboutOur Girls Night In
or Birthday Packages
Robin’s 911 Esthetics
Like Us On Facebook
Robin ShireMaster Medical Esthetician
613-803-4811
Manicures ~ Pedicures ~ Polish ChangeBody Waxing ~ Facials ~ Massage
Eyelash & Eyebrows Tinting
✓ ✓ ✓ ✓✓
Robin’s 911 EsthEticstania’s haiR at homEmayfiEld REtiREmEnt homEyouR family dollaR WinE Kitz
Sitting Next To A Parrot
Necessary Operationa surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. after studying the
x-rays and the charts, he turned to the man and said, “could you pay for an operation if i told you it was necessary?”
The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, “Would you find one necessary if i told you i couldn’t pay for it?”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Funny SignsIn A Comic Book Store
Very Funny, Scotty Now Beam Up My Clothes
nurse: doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named brown. doctor: What does he call his other eye?
silly
Q
uote If you can't be kind, at least be vague.
~ Judith Manners
Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one’s being. ~ Donald Curtis
Stress is an ignorant state. it believes that everything is an emergency. noth-ing is that important. ~ Natalie Goldberg
Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. ~ Robert J. Sawyer
It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I pay very little regard to what any young person says on the subject of mar-riage. if they profess a disinclination for it, i only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. ~ Jane Austen
DescriptiveThe dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
electric fan set on medium.
on reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. he asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "and get me a juice ugly lady!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "and get me another juice you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another a juice for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "i've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or i'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging down-wards the parrot turns to him and says "for someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"
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*All Persons subject to a $4.00 cover charge
Bigscreen ~ Billiards ~ Touch Tune Juke Box
186 king ST. West Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 0174
(must be age of majority)
June 9 Whiskey Rock
June 16 Abandon Eden
613 - 498 - 23954014 Hwy 29, Brockville, ON
(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)
Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm
Gift Certi�catesMake Great
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(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine
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♪ Music Notes ♫
Qui
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Rid
dle
• time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing
• time is what keeps everything from happening at once
• to be loved, be lovable
• to be old and wise you must first be young and stupid
• to err is human; to forgive is not company Policy
• turn signals: not just for smart people anymore
• unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button
• Want to be somebody? don’t drive after drinking
Bumper Snickers
Starting to Forget?
True Meaning of Adoption
soon after her brother was born, little sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. but she showed no signs of jealousy. she treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it. Elated, she went into the baby's room and shut the door, but it opened a crack — enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "baby, tell me what God feels like. i'm starting to forget."
teacher cindy moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. one little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other fam-
ily members. one child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, "i know all about adoptions because i was adopted."
"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child. "it means," said Jocelynn, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
in a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?
Their breath!
♪ The cd was developed by Philips and sony in 1980.
♪ 40 billion songs are downloaded illegally every year, that’s some 90% of all music downloads.
♪ The music industry generates about $4 billion in online music but loses about $40 billion to illegal downloads.
♪ top-selling albums used to reach sales of 20 million copies before the ad- vent of online piracy – by 2009 it had dropped to about 5 million.
♪ The number of recorded cds and blank cds sold were about equal.
♪ about one-third of recorded cds ever sold were pirated.
Le Theif
Marketing Gone Awry
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the louvre. however, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
“i had no monet to buy degas to make the Van Gogh.”
Real Ads The Following Are Real Ads ~ Classified And Otherwise 1. no matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent. 2. for sale—eight puppies from a German shepherd and an alaskan hussy. 3. Great dames for sale. 4. have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Qui
ck
Quo
te A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~ Ruth Bell Graham
The coca-cola name in china was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “bite the Wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect.
coke then researched 40,000 char-acters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “happi-ness in the mouth.”
Good Question• Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if
chocolate comes from cocoabeans, and all beans are a vegetable?
• if you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
• how come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
• do you wake up or open your eyes first?• did noah have woodpeckers on the ark? if he
did, where did he keep them?• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book
publishers aren’t afraid to have a chapter 11?
• how do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Senior’s Discounts
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New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]
HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249
Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service
Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF
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SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS
Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboardBig Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays A
GE
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MAJORITY
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s June Line-Up:
June 9 Cancer Society Summer
June 8 Journey MenJune 9 Generation ZX (3-7)
Fiesta $5 7pm Fundraiser for relay for life - DJ
June 15 Little CaliforniaJune 22 Gypsy MoonJune 29 Full Circle
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Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured
Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable
1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]
DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT
Check out our new McGuffy’s News Website!!attention Readers! now even more fun, mcGuffy’s news has now
websites in brockville and Prescott. you can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrock-ville.ca or www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JoKE of thE day! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our VidEo of thE WEEK! or chEcK out thE most comPREhEnsiVE community EVEnts calEndaR in thE aREa (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our community Photo GallERy (you can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photos/ garden/fishing/ etc. anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have sudoku and crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!
check it out today and share with friends and family that mcGuffy’s news is now on-line in your area!!!
Look Back In Time
Bizarre Real Life Animal Laws
Sage AdviceQ: Why do hummingbirds hum? a: because they don’t know the words.
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
a: if they dropped them, they’d break.
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? a: because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? a: a walkie-talkie, of course.
Questions & Answers
1. over in berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a “bright” red taillight securely attached to its rump.
2. horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of tahoe city, california.
3. in Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of seattle must be wearing a cowbell.
4. in burns, oregon, horses are al-lowed in the town’s taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter.
5. you can’t blow your nose in public places in leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.
CRO
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camp
Ever Wonder?• if a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights
crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
• if a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
• if a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• if a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
a woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. she was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
“Go to the marketplace,” he said, “and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road.” although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, “now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me.”
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. after searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. “you see,” said the old sage, “it’s easy to drop them, but it’s impossible to get them back. so it is with gossip. it doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong.”
19951. oJ simpson is found innocent, october 4 (he
was later found liable in a second trial).
2. Quebec, a province in canada with majority french speaking citizens, defeats a referendum on Quebec independence by less than 1 %
3. first planet outside our solar system found.
4. march 31, 1995. The singer selena Quintanilla Perez was murdered in corpus christi, texas by her fan club President yolanda saldivar.
5. august 24 microsoft released its much antici-pated Windows 95. millions of dollars were spent on ad compaigns by microsoft and retail stores. this release sealed the deal in america becoming digitized.
I Have Learned...
i’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, i’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me. ~ Age 15
Q &
a
Across4. buddy5. advisor8. Earned awards11. Rustic dwelling13. sailing a crude raft
14. light narrow boat15. bunch, clusterDown1. descriptive name2. brief note home3. fun activity
4. angling6. large, friendly fire7. Roasting dutch oven9. frolicking in water10. makes by hand12. bsa or Gsa unit
Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00
or1 year supply $199.00Acuve advance plus
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This double size adis available foryour business!
WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists
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We Service
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Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws
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For Early Spring Tune Up
109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734
“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
ByChris
- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
Denture Specialist
Auto Parts
King Edward Auto Parts LTD
Ralph MurphyOwner
476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002
Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1
$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange
Special offer!
Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication
• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209
Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
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Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes
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Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell) A Fresh Perspective
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques-tion®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountabil-
ity’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, usa 303-286-9900
Five Truths of Accountability
i've been speaking on or writing about PERsonal account-ability since 1995—and i've come to believe there are five truths that are self-evident:
1. Everybody wants everybody else to practice personal accountability. Enough said.
2. individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac-countability/responsibility/ownership:
Example: if i earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar home—and then lost that home—it was due to "predatory lending." but if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What a foolish thing for him to do!" sometimes, we need to say that to ourselves, and then ask The Question behind the Question (QbQ), "What can i learn from this experience?"
3. i am more effective in all roles—father, mother, professional, spouse, friend, volunteer—when i practice personal accountability.
4. life is more enjoyable—downright more fun!—when i walk on the high Road of Personal accountability.
5. it's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled—and expect others to bail me out of my bad choices.
now, if you don't agree with these five ideas—that's just fine. but that's the way i see it.
sudoku solution crossword solution
Marveling At The Moonon June 16, 1963, colonel-Engineer Valentina Vladimirovna tereshkova was a soviet cosmonaut and the first woman in space. sally Ride, astronaut from the united states, became the first american woman in space in 1983.
neil armstrong, astronaut for the united states, became the first person to walk on the moon. his moon walk took place on July 20, 1969. he trav-eled to the moon aboard apollo 11.
sergei Kirkalyov, cosmonaut from the soviet union, has spent the most time in space. he was aboard the space station for 2 years and 73 days.
Census CorundumThe Problem:
a census taker approaches a house and asks the woman who answers the door, ”how many children do you have, and what are their ages?”
Woman: “i have three children, the product of their ages are 36, the sum of their ages are equal to the address of the house next door.”
The census taker walks next door, comes back and says, “i need more information.” The woman replies, “i have to go, my oldest child is sleeping upstairs.”
census taker: “Thank you, i now have everything i need.” What are the ages of each of the three children?
The Solution:The reason the census taker could not figure out the children’s ages is be-
cause, even with knowing the number on the house next door, there were still two possibilities. The only way that the product could be 36 and still leave two possibilities is if the sum equals 13. These possibilities being 9, 2 and 2 or 6, 6 and 1.
When the home owner stated that her “oldest” child is sleeping she was giving the census taker the fact that there is an “oldest.” The children’s ages are therefore 9,2 and 2.
Very Punnya man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “my dog’s cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him? “ “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” so he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. finally, he says “i’m sorry, but i'm going to have to put him down.”
“What? because he’s cross-eyed?” wails the owner. “no, because he’s really heavy!”
Celebrity Quotes
“i’m not in competition with anybody but my-self. my goal is to beat my last performance.
~ celine dion