For 95 Points Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they de­

c ided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to [ell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very Rat

ri re and they needed a bit more rime to smdy. 11)(' professor wid them that they could have another day to srudy. That

evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they wefe sure thar they knew JUSt abom everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to tWO diffcrenr parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the fim question.

"For 5 points, explain the (omelUS of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.

Then, the test continued ... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."

·You have reached our 24·hOUr ~mergency Support I.ine.

OUr office hours are from -"' . - . 9;00 AM t o 5;00 PM. .• •

Legal Advice A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Having not seen each other for some

time they struck up a conversation. It was difficult to follow as they were con­

stantly interrupted by people describing their a ilment.~ and asking the doctor

for free medical advice.

After an hour of t.his, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, ~\Xt'hat do you

do to Stop people from asking yOll for legal advice when you're our of che office?"

"I give it to them;' replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, bur agreed it was worth a try. 111e next day, still

feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills, then he went to place

{hem in che mailbox. Picking up his maiI6rs{, he found a bill from the lawyer

and peace of mind to post his bills.

145 KingSt West Il rockvillc ON

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Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925·0129

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

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Quality Refurbished Computers at Amazing Prices !!!

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Accident or 111iracle?

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-aIds) went on a trip for the < weekend with fr iends. They left early Friday mom ing and the boys U were left alone al home. ~

Thai evening the younger boy made the suggestion thaI they take b their dad 's car and go to the disco. The 16 year·old boy could drive a bit U but was too scared. After some nagg ing he gave in and off they went to V}

enjoy the evening. 62 When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they

not iced a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantica lly they phoned thei r friends to fi nd a panelbeater/spraypa inter to fix their dad 's car.

Fina lly they fou nd one and the car was fixed properly. They parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

The ir parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anyth ing about the accident. The father went to get someth ing from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened ! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

2

8 14 5

6

4

1 7

6

7 9

5 8

Sad Facts

Michael Jordan makes more money from

N ike annually than all of the Nike facrary

workers in Malaysia combined.

7

5

2

1

8 5

3

6 4

9

C Canadian Facts C :5 1987

'" Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson setS a new world record (Aug. 30) for

the I OO-metre dash. - . >-l o c: 1988 ;:t::I . Ben Johnson sets a world record and wins the gold medal at the Seoul

Z Olympics in Korea (Sept. 24). Testing positive for steroids. he is

~ stripped of his medal twO days tatcr.

1989

~ . Free Trade goes into effect.

Heather Erxleben becomes C anada's first acknowledged female combat

soldier. t:1:l •

'" ->-l . tTl One-dollar bills are replaced by rhe one-dollar coin, popularly called the

"Ioonie."

~ ::: n Cl c: 'T1 'T1

;;i Z

~ .., ~

\V'hat do YOll call a big fish who makes you an offer YOll can't refuse?

'" 111(' Codfudlcr!

Science Experiments

Making a present for someone, experimenting at home or JUSt want to

relax in a hot bath? Try making your own bath salt !

)011 will need:

• I cup of washing soda

• A plastic bag

• A rolling pin

'" n . A bowl

~ ;l n ;»

• A spoon for stirring

• Essential oil

• Food coloring

Try It!

•• >. I&----~.-

1. Take rhe cup of wash ing soda and pm it into a plastic bag. Crush the Itunps

with a rolling pin or similar object.

2. Empty the bag into a bowl and stir in 5 or 6 drops of your f.1.Vorite essential

oil such as rosemary, lavender or mint.

3. Stir in a few drops of food coloring uIHil the mix-rure is evenly colored.

4. PLU the mixture into clean dry containers and enjoy as you please. What is

rhe science co it?

Bath Salts are typically made from Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate), table

salt (sodium chloride) or washing soda (sodhull carbonate).1he chemical

make up of the mixture makes it easy to form a lather. Bath salts afe said to

improve cleaning and deliver an appealing fragrance when bathing.

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TUNINGS, Sales, Restorations &

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Early Spring Special!

Exhaust

Struts

Save 25% OFF

Bra kes/Bearings

Transmission Service

HWY 29 Auto Service #30 12 Hwy 29, Brockville, On 613-342-5249

COMPETITION ROOFING AND RENOVATIONS

"Over 20 years experience"

613-348-3993 New Installation or Re-shingle

General Repairs and Renovations Satisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured

PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. KOE 1 PO

New & Old - DrywalifWood Dowdall, Owner

.... 3l Cou ntry Gi rI Co kes i '" ~ It the Perfect Wedding Day Starts Here" I

. $ As Seen On Slice TV's 'Cake HillA:

rAil Totial{ Abod Ordu{"s The fJj ,"i"9 ettke Of qolU Prealll! Fru CoMQitdlon!!

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Graat people. great products, grllat pnces'

Lawn & Garden Ba1ttelry

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Canadian Hearing Society Free home or office visits • improve communication

• improve safety in your home • ossisrive listening devices · hearing aid batteries

Please (all us to find out more about our programs and services Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209 ,.,

A Orvisi l usal!i8Wiliiam SUNIl, Suil~ 205 • CHSISCO \.Wtood Wry Brockville, Ontario K6V OA7 .:..'";:-...=::';'.::.

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Tank Of" Fish

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says,

"Hey ! You know how to drive this?"

Descriptive

TIle thunder was ominous sounding, much [ike the sound of a thin sheet

of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

A Fresh Perspective

Five Truths of Accountab ility

I've been speaking on or writing aboU( PERSONAL AC ­

COUNTABILITY since 1 995-and I've come to believe there are five trmhs that are self-evident:

I. Everybody wams everybody else to practice personal accoulU­

ability. Enough said.

2. Individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac­

countability / responsibil i ty / ownership:

Example: 1f1 earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when

the real esrate marker was peaking, bur bought a half million dollar home-and then lost that home-it was due co "predatory lending."

Bur if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth

and comes back broke, we think. "\Xlow. "[hat was really stupid. \Xlhat

a foolish thing for him to do!" Somet imes, we need to say that to

ourselves, and then ask TIle ~esrion Behind the ~esrion (QBQ), "\Xlhat can I learn from this experience?"

3. I am more eR-ective in all roles-father. mother. professional.

spouse, friend, volunteer-when I practice personal accountability.

4. Life is more enjoyable- downright more fun! - when I walk on

the High Road ofllersonal Accountability, 5, It's simply the "right thing co do," TIlt' wrong things to do are

blame, whine, POilU fingers, play victim, become entitled-and expect

others co bail me our of Illy bad choices.

Now, if you don't agree with these five ideas-that's JUSt fine . Bur

that's the way I see it.

John G, Miller Author of ... 'QBQ! The !2!lestion Behind tile Q!tes­tion'" 'Flipping the Switch ... UnLeash the Powero!Personal Accountabil­

ity; 'Outstanding! 47 Uodys to Make Your OrgtlniZiltion Exceptiontll',

http://www.qbq.com/ Denver. Colorado, USA 303-286-9900

John@QBQ,colll

SAM'S BRASS RACKS

live Entertainment - Billiards - Darts - Shuffleboard Big Screen - NHL Package - NFL - Nascar Sundays

Monday's - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm -12pm

Sam's May & June Line-Up:

, , , , , • , ,

May 11 Backla,h June 1 Blues Highway : June Z Relay far Life f May 1 Z Blues Daddy Hp.

May 18 The JourneyMen

MayZS Loaded6String

Charity Event ' pm ~ (PDoVDarWGalllff/KarilOkl/Primj

June 8 Journey Men June 9 GenlKJ-l

Canada - What's IYeird?

Canadians consume more macaroni and cheese than

any other nation on earth.

There are no snakes, skunks or poison ivy on the

island ofNewfOlUldland

There haven' t been any mail deliveries in Canada on

Saturdays for 35 years.

QAndA

Q: How do crazy people go through the fo rest?

A: They rake the psycho path.

What do you call four bull fighters in qUicksand?

~1.tro sinko.

\Xfllar do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

\Vhat do you call a charismatic at an auction?

Broke.

Where docs the one legged waitress work?

The lhop

Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event

in McGuffy" News!

Word Ads Starting at S15_%s, (50 Word> orL~»

School Smarts

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.

Billy: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!

Celebrity Quotes

TIlere's been nothing but discipline, discipline, discipline all my life.

~ Ce/ine Dion

Fresh Fish

Across 4. Holy __

6. Hungry predator fish

7. Common edible

sunfish

8. Small minnow fish

10. Small freshwater pike

12. Large marine

SpOrt fish

13. Small Fish

14. Freshwater game

fish

15. A dupcid

Down

I. Small salmon like fish

2. Large-headed catfish

3. Crowded into cans

5. Cod-like marine food

9. "Finnan haddie" fish

11. Small sunfish

Chak out our new 1l1CGUifj's News Uebsite!!

Attention Readers! Now even more fWl, McGuify's News has now

websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrock­

ville.ca or \V\vw.mcgufFysnewsprescott.ca and view our virmal paper and

also check our JOKE OF TH E DAY! (You can even submit a joke-dean of

course!) Or see our VIDEO OFTH E WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE

MOST COMPREH ENS IVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN T H E AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/

organizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY P H OTO GA LL ERY

(You can send in your own pictures of events/ pets/cars/ boats/ children/

awards/ school/funny photos/ garden / fishing! etc. Anything you want to

send to share with readers/and the community. \Ve will also have Sudoku

and Crosswords YOll can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it Out today and share with friends and family that McG ufFy's

News is now on-line in your area! !!

TVhat are You Chasing?

Ever hear about the greyhound races? lllOse dogs afC fast! lhey run so

fast because they're chasing a mechanical rabbit that they never quite catch.

A friend mid me chat one day on a racetrack in Florida an inreresting thing

happened: the rabbit broke so the dogs caught it!

You would think rhe dogs would be happy to finally catch the rabbit afTer

all those races in which they couldn't quite get a bite Ollt of him . But actu­

ally when they caught the mechanical rabbit, they didn't know what to do!

l hey became confused and depressed-they lost their purpose. In fact, I was

mid they never recovered and were ruined as race dogs. (Maybe it's because

:5 mechanical rabbits don't taste very good!)

~ Made me wonder what kind of things I am chaSing in my life. If 1 catch [hem

~ will they be worth it? Or will I look back and shake my head in disbelief? g Something to think about. What are You ChaSing?

::0 Z Funny Signs

~ Observed at the Car dealership .. .

~ tl' en -..., In

~ ~ () Cl c:: .,., .,., ;;1 Z

~ >-;j

1:; en ()

~ " ()

>-

The belt way to get back 011 your leet? mill a car paymellt.

May is Speech and H earing Awareness Month

Almost 25% of adult Canadians report some degree of hearing loss

while over 50% of Canadians over the age of 65 have a hearing loss. TIle

Hearing Care Counseling program at The Canadian Hearing Society

(C HS) provides counseling, education, and support services to hard of

hearing adults ages 55+. their f.·un ily. and caregivers. lllfough office or

home visits, we provide support in understanding hearing loss, managing

difficult listening situations, and improving communication . We ofTer

a wide variety of communication devices such as amplified telephones,

TV listening devices, and alerting systems so you can live safely and

independently in your home. Services for younger adults aged 16 - 54

and memal health services are also available.

Mlly is Speech and Hearing Awareness month . - a great tmJe to con/ac/w!

""=- For more information please call 6 13-498-

3933 (T T Y: 1 -877-8 17-8209), visit us at

68 William Street (2nd floor, Centre Pointe

Plaza, Brock"Ville), or email usatinfo@chs.ca.

Our website is www.chs.ca

Sue Baker. Program Assistant and

Angela PagnielJo-,\·lantle. Hearing

Care Counsdlor. (right ro lefr)

United Way l Mds " G ..... ville ---

Cd! (613) 342-0428 10 b'll'c'yollr bllSincss./elllllred here!

\lO~.~~ ~\'

~e: Independent Carefree Retirement Living Bon Len Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting w;;11 h nE'~!:. shopping, medical care & entertainment.

Features & Benefits Stunning 1 & 1 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk·in tubs .~'"'"' ... • Small pets welcome • Protected by se!Ulity entrance • All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social aClivities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances • Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss Andmurhmore! e~

~~l"U~

903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341 -11 95 www.bonlenlace.com

Quotations

Q!'ota/iom: Prosperity

Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have

than having what you want. '" Albert f: Geoffrey

True p rosperity is the result of well-placed confidence

in ourselves and our fellow man. '" Benjamin Burt

Prosperity in the fo rm of wealth works exactly the

same as e\'erything e1sc. You will see it coming into

your life when you are unattached to needing ie .

'" Uilyne Dyer

All prosperity begins in the mind and is dependent

only upon the full use of our creative imagination.

'" Ruth Ross

Open Daily llAM ·2AM

Varies Sunday

& Mondays

Live Bands Sports on

the Big Screen

Check out our upcommg Entertainment Schedule

-All PefSOns subject to a $4.00 (OVf'r charge

May12 Posse (9:30·2am)

May 19 Blues Daddy (9:30-2am)

June 2 Little California (9:30-2am) ~ .f

Bigscreen ... Billiards ... Touch Tune Juke Box

FREE EMPLOYMENT SERVICES AVAILABLE IN GRENVILLE COUNTY

South Grenville E.R.C 191 King Street East Prescott, ON KOE lTO

613-925-0222 or ' -800-925-0222

North Grenville E.R.C. 125 Prescott Street

Kemptvllle, ON KOG1JO 613-258-6576 or '-800-214-7066

EMPLOYMENT ~ www.cseconsulting.com ONTARIO

Interesting Facts

1. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

2. Apples, nor caffeine, are more efficient at waking YOll lip in the

morning.

3. The p lastic things on the end of shoelaces arc called aglets.

4 . The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

5. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. ( rumor)

6. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like be ing

seen wearing them in p ub lic.

7. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Beauty Of A Homan

The beamy of a woman

isn't in the dothes she wears,

The figure that

she carries,

or rhe way she

combs her hair.

The beauty of a

woman

must be seen from

in her eyes;

Because mat's the

doorway to her

heart, the place

where love resides.

Sudoku Solution

z C 6 9 8 l , • 9 , C 6 < l

8 < l , Z • C

C , 9 Z < 8 6

< 6 8 l , 9 , l , Z , C 6 < 9 Z C < , , 8 , 8 , 6 l Z 9

6 l < 8 9 C Z

• < Z 8

9 6

l , C Z

8 9

6 l

< C , ,

The beauty of a woman

isn't in a facial mole;

Bur t rue beauty

in a woman,

is refleered by

her soul.

It's the caring

that she cares

to give,

the passion

that she shows;

And the beauty

of a woman

with passing years only grows.

Crossword Solution

IllmDI:JI:IDm

~IlIB. mDmmD

_ B ... ... mlllOlll1ll

III III III 1:1 III III III ilDIlIDElElDm I:IElIlIIlIIlI m

o 0 iliIDIllDlililll ElllIllImlil 0 III III iI iI III CI ilDIlIDElElllIm

iii m iii

Lawn Mower ForEar/y ~,,~ . Spring Tune Up

SMALL Equipment

Sale & Service

ON

,?affliCtj '!) oetM Dollar Score wlch a Difference·'

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!

Cards· Gifts· Party Time· Toys ·Crafts ~ Scrapbooking Supplies' Used Books '?i1t4

t?9 . Cuswm Gift l3askecs Seats· . Candles __

tJi.,u. Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant

Churchill RD ON 613 . 925 · 1734

HELPING PEOPLE BECOME FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

Daniel G Roddick Finan(ial Advi5Qr 111 KingSTW Prescott, ON KOE 110 613-925-0779

EdwardJones

www.edwardjones.com i I

I. Party Sense ~ "Be Different! · WOWTHEM WITH BALLOONS!" • ~' ••

;, ir!

i

613·340·8781 ~:§1l:::~t~ rna rj@decoratewithballoons.com www.decoratewithballoons.com

heather chapman

CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT

Canadian and US tax

Individual and Corporate

Account ing SelVices

613-246-9850 hchapman@xplornet.com

Heather Chapman, B Comm, C A , CPA

Services _. "",. J.r~'ii"'=-=

Airport Shutt le

Tel: 613-345·491S www.cwaylimo,(om I Ontario·

Unlocks BmlS

nil Change luel Delivery

613-498·1436 - 613·802·0281 WWW.cwlilIWlng.Clm

"Remember it is your choice where to bring your vehicle for repair in case of an accident"

303 Edward St., Prescott, ONT 613-925+2410 (Fax)

0733420428

ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP

•

(f~y~"{~ Single vislon eyewear

lenses & frames $129.00

'" 1 year suppy $199.00 AClJve advance plus

(free trial fitting included)

51 King SI. Wes\. Srockville, ON (613) 498-2200 Fall (613) 498-2205

~ Pete's Music Exchange Sales - Renta ls - Repairs

MUSIC LESSONS

DHUMS-GUlTt\H-Bt\SS-PIt\NO-VOCt\L

po~'t

Go O~ ~t~~~ UJL#tott W>' 23 Perth St

Brockville, ON 613-498-3453

"Parents and Children"

Making the decision ro have a child-it 's momemous. It is [0 decide forever ro

have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone

Mother is the name for God in the lips and heans of lit de children. ~ Wi/­

limn Makepeace Thackery

And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more ofren than not anony­

mously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of rhe Rower they themselves

never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could nor plainly read. ~ Alice Walker

Most children suffer toO much mother and toO little father.

~ Gloria Stein em

[f God wanted me ro touch my roes, He would

have pm them on my knees.

Statistics

You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.

""' D'lVid Lloyd George

8 Foot Alligator

Croiky ! See Ya Larer Alligaror! It is bad enough to have a mouse scamper­

ing around the house bur imagine hearing a noise, then [liming on rhe light

to find an eight foot alligator in your kitchen! That's what happened to 69

year old Sandra Frosti of Tampa Florida.

The burgling gator pushed its way through a screen porch door probably

in search offood, walked through the house until it was discovered by Frosti

in rhe kitchen. Luckily, neither one was hurt.

5 ads you should check. out in this issue! ./ Grenville Floor & Renovation .; Wine Kitz Customer Appreciation Sale

./ Edward Jones - Daniel G. Roddick Financial Advisor

./ CarQuest Lawn & Garden BaNery Special Offer!

.; Boneyard-Cash for Scrap Cars/Farm Machinery/etc!