DR RÓISÍN JOYCECLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

EVIDENCE-BASED THERAPY CENTRE

19T HAPRIL 2016

Managing Emotions The Compassionate Way

Content

The reason for the presentation Survey results – areas of need What is compassion and why do we need it NB A taster – can take months/years in therapy

A 6 step model for managing emotions:1. Acknowledge 2. Label 3. Identify the function 4. Normalise5. Apply Compassion6. Take steps to alleviate the distress

Putting it all together – an experiential exercise Questions/comments

Getting the most from the session

Take a mindful moment to remember why you are here today.

Let other distractions go, you an deal with them later.

Consider easy examples to begin with, until your skills are more refined.

What is Compassion?

Compassion is defined as sensitivity to distress or suffering in the self or others combined with a commitment to alleviate the distress or suffering (Dalai Lama).

NB -Being sensitive to your own or another’s distress without the commitment to alleviate it is not compassion and can actually increase distress/suffering.

Developing our compassionate mind involves two main elements working together

ENGAGEMENT/APPROACHING DIFFICULTIES: - Learning to become sensitive to the things causing difficulty or pain Turning towards these difficulties rather than away (engagement

not avoidance) Learning that we can tolerate distress Understanding the nature and causes of our distress in a non-

judgemental and accepting way

ALLEVIATING/PREVENTING DISTRESS: Working to alleviate distress with kindness and compassion Having a genuine wish for things to be better Understanding kindness and care as courage (not signs of

weakness) * Developing a motivation to be helpful to ourselves and others

Why do we need compassion?

Life can be hard!!!Compassion begins with acknowledging the reality of our lives.

Our lives are limited. We are destined to get older and die. We often suffer illnesses and tragedies. Our lives are influenced by the lottery of our genetic

make-up and chance events (which we do not choose). Our life is full of change and loss.

NB We are designed for survival, not for happiness *

Why do we need compassion?

We are all in THE FLOW OF LIFEWe just ‘find ourselves here’ We didn’t chose to be born, didn’t choose the

genes that made us We didn’t choose our emotionsWe didn’t chose our basic temperamentsWe didn’t choose our body and how it works We didn’t choose our basic human desires and

needsWe didn’t choose the time in history we were born

Compassionate insight

Life is hard! We all find ourselves in the flow of life and are doing our best to cope!

The research on Compassion

NB Studies demonstrate that people who are most compassionate towards others often lack self-compassion. versus

Why is Self-Compassion so important?

Research demonstrates that self-compassion:Reduces self-criticism, an important predictor of anxiety

and depression (Blatt, 1995).Is linked to less anxiety and depression (MacBeth &

Gumley, 2012 meta-analysis).Significantly reduces rumination (Neff 2003).Mitigates the effect of negative life events on emotional

functioning in general (Leary et al 2007).Lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol (Rockcliff,

Gilbert, McEwan, Lightman and Glover, 2008).Increased heart-rate variability, which is associated with a

greater ability to self-soothe when stressed (Porges, 2007).

Before we start managing emotions

SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Take a minuteStep backBecome the observer of your thoughts,

emotions, action urges

Step 1 – ACKNOWLEDGE the emotion“There is something going on here”

Questions:How do we know an emotion is present?

Where do our emotions sit?

Is it important to distinguish between the emotions?

How can we distinguish the different emotions, e.g. how does anger differ to anxiety?

Step 1 -ACKNOWLEDGING the emotion

How can we do it?

BECOMING MORE AWARE

Practicing mindfulness Checking in with ourselves regularly Being a good friend to ourselves

”How are you?” “What do you think about that?” “How does that make you feel?”

Step 2 – LABEL the emotion“I feel ….”

Question: What are the main emotions?

1. Anxiety 2. Anger 3. Sadness4. Joy 5. Love 6. Guilt and shame

NB If you can’t access the name, you can identify it as a moment of suffering

Step 3 – IDENTIFY THE FUNCTION“My emotion is telling me…”

Why do we have emotions?

1. Emotions communicate to and influence others (even if we don’t intend them to)

1. We are hard-wired to attend to emotions and will priortise the facial expressions over what is said)

2. Emotions organise and motivate action

Exercise

Consider each of the 6 emotions.

1. What is each one trying to communicate with us?

2. What is the call to action?

Step 3 – IDENTIFY THE FUNCTION “My emotion is communicating…”

Emotion name Communicating Behavioural urgesFear/anxiety The presence of a

threatTo run away from the threat, flight

Anger The presence of a threat, the violation of a need

To fight the threat

Sadness The presence of a loss – real or imagined

To re-engage with life

Joy That you like this To do more of thisLove That you enjoy being

with this personTo spend more time with this person

Guilt That you have done something wrong

To make a repair for the transgression

Shame That you have done something wrong

To hide away

COMPASSIONATE INSIGHT!

Pain and emotion have evolved to protect us, to alert us to take action, yet they can both be difficult to manage!

Step 4 – NORMALISE the emotion“Anyone in my situation would feel this way.”

Question:How would you treat a friend who was

distressed? Would you isolate them, make them feel like an alien?

How is this different to how we treat ourselves?

The importance of feeling united in humanity when distressed

Common humanity

Common Humanity

“The sense of common humanity central to self-compassion involves recognizing that everyone fails, makes mistakes, and gets it wrong sometimes. We do not always get what we want and are often disappointed – either in ourselves or in our life circumstances. This is part of the human experience, a basic fact of life shared with everyone else on the planet. We are not alone in our imperfection. Rather, our imperfections are what make us card-carrying members of the human race. Often, however, we feel isolated and cut off from others when considering our struggles and failures, irrationally feeling that it’s only “ME” who is having such a hard time of it. We think that somehow we are abnormal, that something has gone wrong, and we forget that falling flat on our face now and then actually is normal. This sort of tunnel vision makes us feel alone and isolated, making our suffering even worse (Neff, 2011). With self-compassion, however, we take the stance of a compassionate “other” toward ourselves, allowing us to take a broader perspective on our selves and our lives. By remembering the shared human experience, we feel less isolated when we are in pain. For this reason, self- compassion is quite distinct from self-pity. Self -pity is a “woe is me” attitude in which people become immersed in their own problems and forget that others have similar problems. Self- compassion recognizes that we all suffer, and therefore fosters a connected mindset that is inclusive of others”. (Kristina Neff)

Step 5 – Access COMPASSION for the distress“

Exercise

Take a moment to recall a time you were happy with the support you offered a friend who was distressed.

How did you feel towards them?How were you thinking about them?What did you do?Can you access these feelings of kindness and

support for yourself in your moment of distress?

Step 6 – ALLEVIATE THE SUFFERING

No right or wrong answer!!!!The intention to act in your own and others best interestsWise choices stay the same despite your emotionsCan be active or passiveConsider the medium and long-term consequences

of your planConsider the unintended consequences of your planAsk “How can I show myself kindness in this

moment of distress?”

Putting it all together - exercise

Slow down!

1. Acknowledge the presence of the emotion2. Label the emotion (can be a moment of suffering)3. Identify the function of the emotion4. Normalise your experience5. Access Compassion for your experience of suffering6. Committing to alleviate the suffering

Recommended reading & resources

BooksThe Compassionate Mind (Paul Gilbert)Living with an Open Heart (Russell Kolt &

Thubten Chodron)The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

(Christopher Germer)Websiteswww.compasionatemind.co.ukwww.self-compassion.org

Final thought

Exercise