ps training6 managing emotions

Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

Managing EmotionsManaging Emotions


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects Think of a recent conflict in which you felt Think of a recent conflict in which you felt

intense emotion.intense emotion.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects Now think about what part of your body Now think about what part of your body

you experienced them with. These may you experienced them with. These may included things such as:included things such as:

Butterflies and churning in the stomach.Butterflies and churning in the stomach. Stiffness or tight muscles and even Stiffness or tight muscles and even

tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or chest.chest.

Possibly even a headache.Possibly even a headache.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects Emotions effect the progress and outcome Emotions effect the progress and outcome

of a conflict such as:of a conflict such as: It may impede it by causing attention to It may impede it by causing attention to

shift from the issue to the emotion.shift from the issue to the emotion. It inhibits listening and expression of It inhibits listening and expression of

concerns.concerns. It can lead to suppression and avoidance It can lead to suppression and avoidance

of the issue because it is to uncomfortable.of the issue because it is to uncomfortable.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects When emotions become overwhelming, When emotions become overwhelming,

you may face:you may face: Emotions taking over the situation.Emotions taking over the situation. It may result in screaming, crying, physical It may result in screaming, crying, physical

and/or verbal abuse.and/or verbal abuse. There may be complete avoidance of the There may be complete avoidance of the

issue due to fear of repeating the scene.issue due to fear of repeating the scene.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their Effects There are some emotions that are more There are some emotions that are more

significant than others in regard to conflict. significant than others in regard to conflict. These are:These are:

AngerAnger ResentmentResentment HurtHurt GuiltGuilt RegretRegret FearFear



AngerAnger When appropriately expressed, anger can be a When appropriately expressed, anger can be a

fire for change. When it is misdirected or fire for change. When it is misdirected or inappropriately expressed it can be inappropriately expressed it can be destructivedestructive..

Recognizing and accepting our own anger will Recognizing and accepting our own anger will provide the driving force for change.provide the driving force for change.

Offloading it onto others, gives away our power Offloading it onto others, gives away our power an often leaves us stuck with the problem.an often leaves us stuck with the problem.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their EffectsResentmentResentment

This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel.blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel.

It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self maintain a position of being right, superior or self righteous.righteous.

It is often easier to feel resentment rather than It is often easier to feel resentment rather than take responsibility for other feelings, or for take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation.changing the situation.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their EffectsHurtHurt

Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering.Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering.

The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation of conflict. of conflict.

Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt. may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their EffectsGuiltGuilt

Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us.gnaw away at us.

It can be very productive when we allow It can be very productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by seeking to understand its source.seeking to understand its source.

It is then that we can move on to resolve it, It is then that we can move on to resolve it, either by refraining from the action that produced either by refraining from the action that produced it or maybe finding a different behavior.it or maybe finding a different behavior.


Identifying Motions and their EffectsIdentifying Motions and their EffectsRegretRegret

Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding regret.regret.

We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and sorrow under anger and resentment.sorrow under anger and resentment.

Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret.of regret.

It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfilled potential of a situation.unfilled potential of a situation.

It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if only’s” and reach a place of acceptance.only’s” and reach a place of acceptance.



FearFear We often experience this when we feel out We often experience this when we feel out

of control of a situation.of control of a situation. Fear arises from our interpretation of what Fear arises from our interpretation of what

the outcome will be: Physical or emotional the outcome will be: Physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way.or our circumstances in some way.



FearFear FFantasyantasy EExperienced xperienced AAs s RRealityeality

OrOr



FearFear FFalsealse EEvidence vidence AAppearing ppearing RRealeal



FearFear By separating the interpretation from the By separating the interpretation from the

reality and becoming centered within reality and becoming centered within ourselves; it will allow us to choose an ourselves; it will allow us to choose an appropriate action.appropriate action.


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions There are two categories when we look at There are two categories when we look at

techniques for expressing or dealing with techniques for expressing or dealing with our emotions:our emotions:


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Short Term – Useful when we are unable Short Term – Useful when we are unable

to deal with the emotion at the time, such to deal with the emotion at the time, such as in a meeting, or at a social function or as in a meeting, or at a social function or other setting where it is inappropriate.other setting where it is inappropriate.

OrOr


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Long Term – Those techniques which we Long Term – Those techniques which we

build into our daily lives to release tension.build into our daily lives to release tension.


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Some examples of short term techniques are:Some examples of short term techniques are: Taking deep breathsTaking deep breaths Taking time outTaking time out DoodlingDoodling Stamping your feetStamping your feet Snapping a pencilSnapping a pencil Having a cup of tea Having a cup of tea


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Some examples of long term techniques are:Some examples of long term techniques are: ExercisingExercising TalkingTalking ListeningListening MeditatingMeditating CuddlingCuddling Keeping a journalKeeping a journal


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions It is always important to deal with our It is always important to deal with our

emotions in some way as they are emotions in some way as they are recognized. Failure to respond in an recognized. Failure to respond in an appropriate manner can result in:appropriate manner can result in:


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Poor HealthPoor Health StressStress WithdrawalWithdrawal ExplosionExplosion Diminished capacity to experience Diminished capacity to experience

pleasure and happiness.pleasure and happiness.


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions When a person suppresses (does not When a person suppresses (does not

express) emotions properly it will express) emotions properly it will eventually build to an explosive state.eventually build to an explosive state.

Suppression Explosion


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Explosion is usually unproductive and Explosion is usually unproductive and

often misdirected. often misdirected.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions A small incident can often be a trigger for A small incident can often be a trigger for

discharging suppressed feelings. discharging suppressed feelings.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions We may dump these feelings We may dump these feelings

inappropriately, for example, on a shop inappropriately, for example, on a shop assistant processing a sale more slowly assistant processing a sale more slowly than we would like. than we would like.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Some of the reasons we may not be able Some of the reasons we may not be able

to express emotions properly could be:to express emotions properly could be: Cultural expectationsCultural expectations Family BackgroundFamily Background Workplace and social decorumWorkplace and social decorum Self imageSelf image


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions There is an alternative to this scenario There is an alternative to this scenario

however:however:

Containment Expression


Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions In Suppressing our feelings we: In Suppressing our feelings we:



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions May feel tense, and stressful.May feel tense, and stressful. may avoid dealing with the conflict.may avoid dealing with the conflict. May be fearful of the emotion and try to May be fearful of the emotion and try to

sidestep it. sidestep it.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand:Containment on the other hand: Is releasing some tension through Is releasing some tension through

acknowledging the feeling and putting it on acknowledging the feeling and putting it on hold temporarily.hold temporarily.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand:Containment on the other hand: Is breathing deeplyIs breathing deeply



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand:Containment on the other hand: Leads to confidence to deal with conflict, Leads to confidence to deal with conflict,

less stress, empowerment and better less stress, empowerment and better health.health.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions Containment on the other hand:Containment on the other hand: Is holding the emotion, feeling it and Is holding the emotion, feeling it and

choosing not to make it public.choosing not to make it public.



Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions On the end result side, Exploding:On the end result side, Exploding: Feels like losing control.Feels like losing control.




Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions On the end result side, Exploding:On the end result side, Exploding: May result in residual tension from guilt.May result in residual tension from guilt.




Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as:We can then view expression as: A letting go, a release of stored tension.A letting go, a release of stored tension.




Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as:We can then view expression as: Leading to feelings of relief and Leading to feelings of relief and

completion.completion.




Expressing Our EmotionsExpressing Our Emotions We can then view expression as:We can then view expression as: Finally, it is a component of the Finally, it is a component of the

constructive resolution of conflict.constructive resolution of conflict.




Handling Difficult Emotions in OthersHandling Difficult Emotions in Others When confronted by a person with difficult When confronted by a person with difficult

emotions you should try:emotions you should try: Managing your own reaction, by not Managing your own reaction, by not

becoming inflamed, defensive, etc.becoming inflamed, defensive, etc. Making “I” statementsMaking “I” statements Focusing on the issue not the person.Focusing on the issue not the person.


Handling Difficult Emotions in OthersHandling Difficult Emotions in Others When confronted by a person with difficult When confronted by a person with difficult

emotions you should try:emotions you should try: Asking open-ended, clarifying questions.Asking open-ended, clarifying questions. Negotiating a solution that takes account Negotiating a solution that takes account

of both of both your needs and theirsyour needs and theirs.. Expressing support and reassurance.Expressing support and reassurance.


ConclusionConclusion We experience emotions in our bodies and We experience emotions in our bodies and

in our minds, so we need to deal with them in our minds, so we need to deal with them in a variety of ways.in a variety of ways.

We need to accept our emotions, not deny We need to accept our emotions, not deny or indulge them. We just need to know or indulge them. We just need to know that they exist and to use them to build that they exist and to use them to build richer relationships.richer relationships.


ConclusionConclusion We need ways of safely releasing and We need ways of safely releasing and

appropriately expressing our emotions for appropriately expressing our emotions for our well being and the well being of our our well being and the well being of our relationships.relationships.


ConclusionConclusion We need to practice ways of handling We need to practice ways of handling

difficult emotions in others by:difficult emotions in others by: Active listeningActive listening Giving support and reassuranceGiving support and reassurance Redirecting statements that create or Redirecting statements that create or

inflame conflict, towards positive inflame conflict, towards positive possibilities in the situation.possibilities in the situation.

CreditCredit

We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this materials used in the creation of this presentation.presentation.

Conflict Resolution NetworkConflict Resolution Network

PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: Email: [email protected]@crnhq.orgWebsite: Website: www.crnhq.orgwww.crnhq.org

CreditCredit This course was created by AMFA Local This course was created by AMFA Local

11 to assist in the education of its 11 to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee Professional Standards Committee members.members.

Permission to use this material is Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local.granted to any AMFA Local.

This course was created using This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all providing credit remains intact on all modules.modules.

ps training6 managing emotions

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