make your writing stand out
TRANSCRIPT
Make Your Writing Stand Out
September 16, 2017
Getting to Know You: The Purpose of Each College Application Essay
Rebecca [email protected]
The Role of Essays
Getting to know you,Getting to know all about you.
Essays Are One Piece of The Applicant’s Quilt
Test Scores
Grades
Rigor of Coursework
ActivitiesRec Letters
Unique passions and potential
Demonstrated Interest
Colleges Are Not Looking For…
University of California
One application• What do you want UC to know about you?
Here’s your chance to tell us in your own words.
• Directions• You will have 8 questions to choose from. You
must respond to only 4 of the 8 questions.• Each response is limited to a maximum of 350
words.• Which questions you choose to answer is
entirely up to you: But you should select questions that are most relevant to your experience and that best reflect your individual circumstances.
• Keep in mind• All questions are equal: All are given equal
consideration in the application review process, which means there is no advantage or disadvantage to choosing certain questions over others.
• There is no right or wrong way to answer these questions: It’s about getting to know your personality, background, interests and achievements in your own unique voice.
2017-2018 Prompts
1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
8. What is the one thing that you think sets you apart from other candidates applying to the University of California?
Sample Responses• 1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped
resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time. • 345
For my senior year, I was elected as a Prefect to Brentwood School and later chosen by the administration and head of school to be a co-Head Prefect (the highest student leadership position at the school). My duties as a Head Prefect have involved leading the school with a variety of speeches throughout the year, including speaking at opening day ceremony, leading high school assemblies, serving on Honor Board (our school’s disciplinary board), planning events throughout the year, and meeting with the head of school to discuss school issues. It has been an honor to serve as Head Prefect this year which has been a dream of mine since 7th grade, and I feel that I have positively influenced the school in many ways.
A main goal of the mine this year has been to build up unity within the high school. To improve school spirit, I brought the House Cup back to the high school (an idea that has not been implemented in a few years). The House Cup is a competition between grades where students earn points for their perspective grades by attending different school events. The winning grade each month celebrates with the House Cup trophy in their possession while also receiving different prizes throughout the year. So far, the House Cup has not only increased attendance at sports and art events but has also been very successful in increasing school spirit and enhancing unity.
As head-prefect, I have also represented my school in the community. I was recently asked by the head of school to represent the student body during a public hearing regarding Brentwood’s construction plans. In front of an audience of a few hundred people, I defended Brentwood in front of two public officials. While advocating for my school, I experienced firsthand why I want to major in political science while also serving in student government. I am thoroughly excited to continue to lead my school the rest of senior year.
Sample Responses5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement? • 345
When I was 14-years-old, my dad was diagnosed with severe depression and became suicidal. Within the space of two months, my entire life changed. Soon after the diagnosis while my father was in and out of programs, our family had to move out of our house, and my parents separated. During this time, all I could think about was the memories I had with my dad like the Dodger games he used to take me to and his unique laugh when I would tell him a joke. It shocked me to think that my then five-year-old brother Joey would not have these same memories that I had. Rather than letting my dad’s illness affect my aspirations in life, I believe that my dad’s illness allowed me to fully mature as a person.
With my father no longer able to support the family, my mom began work, and I took on a bigger responsibility as an older brother. For a while, I tried to replicate my dad’s persona to my brother so he would get the same amazing experience that I had with my dad growing up. However, it was quite difficult as Joey did not understand why his dad could not be with him anymore. My approach shifted during the summer of 10th grade when I became a counselor at Camp Harmony, a non-profit that sends underprivileged kids to camp. I realized that just as it was unsuccessful for me to act like a father to Joey, the kids at camp did not want me to be a fatherly figure to them. However, they needed a brother, and I knew I could be that.
After camp, I started to be a better role model to my brother which helped him understand our situation much better. I have returned to Camp Harmony two more summers and serve on their teen board. While I would do anything to have my dad back as he once was, I believe that in overcoming his absence, I became a stronger person for my family and community.
Sample Responses6. Describe your favorite academic subject and explain how it has influenced you. • 348
My interest in economics started in middle school when I started reading the economy section of the New York Times: I loved learning about start-up companies that became highly successful through great leadership. The articles pushed my fascination with the US economy and prompted me to take AP Microeconomics and AP Macroeconomics during junior year and to attend a summer business program.
I thoroughly enjoyed taking both classes, as the material made me really think about the world I live in and how wealth is shared. Thinking about the economy as a whole allows me to understand politics even more, as I am now able to understand how economics and politics are inter-connected.
I also enjoy thinking about the microeconomy and how small businesses operate on a daily basis. As a class, we took field trips to witness how small businesses demonstrate these theories. During my favorite trip to the Hollywood Farmers Market, I enjoyed speaking with the stand owners. While they did not know the technical economic vocabulary, they had a keen sense of the microeconomic theories. For example, I noticed that the avocado stand changed its prices the second week I visited due to a high demand the prior week.
Connecting economic theories to reality fascinates me, and I now apply theories to everyday life. For example, I now constantly weigh the opportunity costs of two situations before making a final decision. My passion translated into academic success: I earned a 5 on each AP and received the class honors award for my excellent work and leadership skills.
I especially loved the problem-solving aspects of the content which I experienced directly when I attended the 2015 Wharton Sports Business Academy. At this four-week summer program, I learned about the economic business side of sports while competing in a business plan competition. Using economic theories in our business plan, my team won the competition. I served as our presenter and lead the group throughout the program. After this program and taking the classes last year, I definitely want to continue studying economics in college.
Sample Responses 7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? • 345
Throughout my years at Brentwood, I have focused my efforts on empowering my school community through leadership roles. For six years, I have been a student ambassador, helping prospective parents and students learn Brentwood’s amazing programs, while also serving as a role-model to the new students. This year I am one of the presidents of the student ambassador program.
For the past two years, I have also been involved in Brentwood’s peer tutoring program, and several times a week, I help students on challenging assignments. Not only have I been a tutor to many of these students, but I have also been a student mentor. Many students have come to me for guidance with different social issues. I believe this program has really helped students thrive at Brentwood, and it has been a privilege to be a part of it.
In addition to marketing, tutoring, and mentoring, I have helped shape Brentwood by participating in formal leadership opportunities. I have been a student council member all six years from Vice President in 7th grade to Co-President of the middle school and culminating with co-Head Prefect of Brentwood. Serving and now leading student council enables me to help make Brentwood a better place.
This past year I became a mentor to our fledgling middle school student council. I attended student council meetings and helped plan different events. In late spring when the middle school was planning its annual field day, I discovered that the middle school still uses my master logistics document for field day that I created when I was in middle school. This made me proud that I was still contributing to the success of field day three years later.
My contributions to Brentwood through my leadership have allowed me to help many people at my school. I feel a huge sense of debt to my school, which when my financial situation changed in 9th grade, funded my education for the past three years. As a leader, I believe in giving back to the community for which I have the utmost appreciation and respect.
2017-2018 EOP Questions
Answers to the following questions will help us determine your motivation and preparation to undertake college work. Please answer as precisely and honestly as possible. Use complete sentences and avoid responses such as “yes” or “no.”• List any volunteer, extracurricular activities, or work experience in which
you are or have been involved in the past two years. • Why would you like to attend college? Discuss your career and personal
goals. Are there any particular circumstances, school experiences, or persons that influenced your preparation or motivation to attend college (e.g., cultural/financial background, family, teachers, schools you attended)? Please explain.
• Briefly discuss your academic background. Did you utilize any additional support at your high school, such as tutoring? Do your grades in high school and/or college reflect your academic ability or potential? 4
• Briefly describe your family’s economic background. Include information about your financial challenges.
• Please tell us more about yourself. Is there any additional information you would like EOP to consider in determining your admission to the program?
The Common Application
Current CA 2017-2018 Prompts
• 1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
• 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
• 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
• 4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
• 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
• 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
• 7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.
Sample EssaySeemingly a harmless, mundane choice yet embroidered with great importance, I put on a cardinal red tie that reminds me of the strength and passion that I will need. Choosing the color of my tie is the first of many decisions that I will make today.
My second decision focuses on the order in which I will drop off my siblings before school. Another seemingly small choice turns into a noteworthy one, determined by which sibling needs me more at the time. I choose to drop off my 15-year-old sister Lily first, which means more quality car-time with my 8-year-old brother Joey, who is having a rough morning. As I drop him at his elementary school, he turns back, saying, “That was fun. Just the two of us!” I know I have made a good choice.
I pull into my school, and instantly I feel a jolt; all my hard work will come down to a single moment. As I walk onto campus, I see students looking at posters on the walls, then to me, putting the two pictures together. I look at the red tie I wore for the posters, again reminding me of my goals.
After Calculus, I anxiously walk to the gym and sit down by my name tag. I look at the audience, then at my opponents, and realize that the prefect (student body presidential) elections have officially begun. After my opponents present their respective platforms, I confidently get up to read my speech. The words flow seamlessly from line to line, illuminating my past accomplishments while describing me as a person. Then I get to the line that halts me from continuing: “I have overcome many challenges in my life.”
I stop. How can I possibly continue my speech with all the weight of those words? Just a few years earlier, my dad was diagnosed with a major depressive disorder and became suicidal. Of course, I have good memories of my dad - Dodger games together, his coaching my Little League teams, his animated laugh when I told a joke - but his life had been reduced to a windowless hospital room.
The words also return me to the moment my parents announced that they were divorcing and that my mom, brother, sister and I had to move out of our house. It reminds me of telling my brother and sister that “everything is going to be okay,” even though I was not sure this would be true. With my dad unable to support or even be with our family any longer, my mom began working, allowing me to see her incredible strength in keeping the family together. By default, I became the father figure in the family, a responsibility for which I was not prepared.
I pause for a moment, look down at my red tie, and rediscover the courage to read the rest of the sentence: “…but these challenges have shaped me into the person that I am today.” Reflecting on my past, I realize that I could have collapsed like my dad, but instead I have persevered and come out a stronger person and a rock for my family who needs me. Despite the difficulty of balancing my school and family life with the responsibility that I seek to take on, I know I want to give back to the school that has stayed by my side through my difficult times.
I am now an even better version of myself. Proud of my renewed sense of purpose: to lead at school, to help out my community, and to never give up even when challenges arise, I finish my speech to roaring applause.
Each College’s Additional Essays Differ
USC
USC=Common App + 2 Additional Short Essays
• 1. 250 word max. Pick one.
• USC believes that one learns best when interacting with people of different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives. Tell us about a time you were exposed to a new idea or when your beliefs were challenged by another point of view.
• Describe something outside of your intended academic focus about which you are interested in learning.
• What is something about yourself that is essential to understanding you?
Sample
When asked constantly why I do so much civic leadership at Brentwood, I always answer because I want to give back to the community that has done so much for me. I feel a huge sense of debt to my school, which when my financial situation changed in 9th grade, funded my education for the past three years. As a leader, I believe in giving back to the community for which I have the utmost appreciation and respect.
As head-prefect, I am focusing on building up unity within the high school. To improve school spirit, I brought the House Cup back to the high school . This is a competition between grades where students earn points for their perspective grades by attending different school events. The winning grade each month celebrates with the House Cup trophy in their possession while also receiving different prizes throughout the year. So far, the House Cup has not only increased attendance at sports and art events but has also been very successful in increasing school spirit and enhancing unity.
As head-prefect, I have also represented my school in the community. I was recently asked by the head of school to represent the student body during a public hearing regarding Brentwood’s construction plans. In front of an audience of a few hundred people, I defended Brentwood in front of two public officials. I am thoroughly excited to continue to lead my school the rest of senior year.
USC 2nd Supplement
2. Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit) (Required. 250 word max, Paste in)
Sample After extensive research and conversations with former alumni, I know firsthand how the University of Southern California will sate my academic and intellectual hunger. Economics and Political Science are two areas that I desire to study in college, and USC offers a great combination of these passions.
While taking AP Microeconomics and AP Macroeconomics junior year, I learned that thinking about the economy allows one to understand politics even more. Knowing that Economics and Politics are two studies so rich in connection to each other, I was excited to discover that USC’s Political Economy program not only combines two of my current passions but also allows me the opportunity to integrate ethics and logic.
Along with the standard economic and political science courses available, two Political Economy courses really stand out. The Political Economy of Institutions class will combine my two passions right away, as I have always been interested in the role the government plays in the economy. Another course that grabs my attention is the Law, Politics, and Public Policy class. As a civic leader, I want to better understand the process of decision-making in making laws. This class would allow me to explore how laws are made by researching and analyzing different moral theories. The Political Economy major at USC would allow me to explore the intersections with the economy and political theory and thus I am honored to submit my application.
Essays=Opportunity
• Share
•Reflect
• Stand Out
College Perspectives• How we see the role of the
essay in holistic review
• The process must start with personal reflection
• Authenticity is crucial…in the essay as well as the application
• Our specific questions and what we hope to see
• Important points to always keep in mind
Before All Essays: Strategic Planning
Organization Matters
Before Common App Long Essay: Brainstorming Strategies
Before School Specific Essays
Through: Guided Questions
Through: Revising and Revising
Beyond: Completing The Puzzle
Contact Dr. Joseph
• @getmetocollege
• All College Application Essays
• www.allcollegeessays.org