issue 19, july
TRANSCRIPT
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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NEWSCEO AND OWNER
Daniel KennedyEDITOR-IN-CHIEF AND MANAGING EDITOR
Students wanted with experienceCOPY EDITORS
Rachael M, Kevin LMore wanted
SECTION EDITORSStudents wanted with experience
ARTCOVER ART
Matthew Kennard, Tynan ConroyGRAPHICS & LAYOUT
Sam BairPHOTOGRAPHERS
Lukas Chavez, Jamie, Ian K, Amy Vilona,
ADVERTISING/SALESADVERTISING ACCOUNT EXECUTIVESWanted with experience
MARKETINGMARKETING TEAM
WantedEVENTS DIRECTOR
WantedGREEK, STUDENT GROUPS, BAR LIAISON
WantedSOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTORS
Josh Siegal, Blair Larkins
ONLINE
SENIOR WEB PRODUCERWanted
CIRCULATIONCIRCULATION TEAM
Wanted. Double up your Boulder routes for 2x pay.Must be currently contracted by a local publication.
GET INVOLVED(720) 979 6955. We are all students to write
columns or report news. We take the news andpartying very seriously in our ofce.
CONTACTDaniel Kennedy(720) 979-6955
ADVERTISING(720) [email protected]
Read every issue onlinewww.TheBoulderToday.com
Boulder Today
COVERThe cover wasmade by Tynan, aCU student and atalented graphicdesigner.
MORE NEWS. MORE PARTY. MORE PHOTOS
Boulde r Today is printed 10 times a year. We aim to become the premierpublication for University of Colorado at Boulder students. Look for us at 500
high trafc student locations all over Boulder.
CONTINUED STORIES
Daniel Kennedy, Boulder Colorado 80305. 720.979.6955
INSIDENICK GOES CAVING
IN COLORADO
BPrinted by
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
Shes a little Feisty
CONTINUED
group to carry it. In someo the small passage waysthere are many places orthe straps to get caught.
Now riddeno the cumbersome beersatchel you are ree to dothe maximum amount oexploring. Tese caveshave a ew larger rooms,and many decent sized
niches. In the larger andmore easily accessiblerooms its not uncom-
mon to see cigarette buttsand beer cans. Tose arele by careless groups omostly men, rom SchoolO Mines, or shame I say.I you should so choose toenjoy a ew vices while inthe caves, its reallynot much o a hassleto bring a plasticbag or throwing
trash away. Somemore permanentmarks le in the caves
are the grati on the wallTeres a bunch o talent-less scribbles on the wallsnot actual expressive art.Orange arrows will leadyou to the correct routethroughout a good portion
o the caves. Poortalentless gration buildings isan eyesore but on
the mountain itsslapping Mother
Nature in the ace. MotherNature will own you i shehas to, possibly in the ormo a rattlesnake that ischilling in a crevice whenyou bust into its cave.
I you decideto investigate one o thecracks in the wall, its bestto take someone with youthough, just in case youget stuck, although un-likely, its better to be sae.A solo explorer had to callrescue a ew months ago!
You dont want to end uphaving James Franco playyou in 127 hours 2. Know-ing that you wont comeout o this spelunkingadventure minus an arm,explore away, and see whatyou nd.
Surrounded by toweringmountains and thousands otrees, the estival grounds atShadows Ranch in George-town, Colorado, provided theultimate space or three nightso outrageous, sleepless party-ing in the woods. Every detailo the venue was planned toperectionrom the colorul
bridge linking the two stagesacross the river to the domeslled with Zen meditationareas, original paintings, andhair-eathering/live airbrush-ingthe creators o SonicBloom truly went above andbeyond in creating the perectenvironment to escape rea lity.
veniently he was ocusedon his nervously accidpenis).Sometime later, I stumbledback to his room and drankthe rest o the wine whilestanding in his doorrame.I held my cell phone in
one hand and the bottle inthe other, squinting at himslant eyed and naked. Aera ponderous gaze, I pointedat him with the bottle, leeye hal closed or ocusand slurred, My riendsle some brownies in the
CONTINUED
No more bad sex
ages the Redbox industry. Cable sucks,there is nothing on V. Everyone shouldhook it up with Netix or Redbox at thispoint. On top o all these awesome op-tions, Netix is now providing a 1 monthree subscription to their services. Come
on, give your cable box a vacation thismonth and hit up Netix or some instantentertainment and hop on the great-est invention or lazy and penny-savingmovie lovers.
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Its the beginning o July and youvebeen clicking your remote all sum-mer over Jersey Shore, ESPN, Jack-ass and the rest o the hundreds ocommercia lized .V. shows. Do youremember anything youve watched?
Do you realize youve spent at least $20per month or censored, cheap televi-sion or hours o your lie and you cantremember anything except time beingpassed? Step up your entertainment ac-
tor and take a gander at the better way tospend your television hour. Netix, youreon. Check out the hundreds o moviesand television shows, no commercials,on demand, to your computer or gamesystem or $8 a month. And might Isay, Netix has good taste in V. Tismultimillion dollar company, ounded
by Mitch Lowe, ofers a V-goers dreamo unlimited watch time. Pete Delippo,Senior, claims, Netix is the best invest-ment Ive ever made. Tey seriously havethe greatest selection o movies or $8 amonth on my Xbox. It sounds like a col-lege students paradise to instant access toevery genre o movie and V show. NanoLowe, Senior at CU and Mitch Lowes son,is an advocate or Netix (as his atherinvented the idea) but also highly encour-
Buffalo Talk
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
Cut the CableNetix is better alternativeBY JO MARIE K-DStudent at the raddest college: CU
CONTINUED INSIDE
From
The
Publisher
OUR GOAL ISTO BECOME thepremier publicationfor the students. Weare a highly targetedpublication for CUstudents with uniqueeditorial content.
We decided tocombine the best ofthe Colorado Daily(the news) andthe Rooster (thepartying) to makeBoulder Today.
GREETINGSSTUDENTS,It is about that timeof month for a newBoulder Today. Theteam has been workinghard all summer. Newcolumns this issueinclude Frat Raiderswhere you have toguess the frat roomfrom the photo. I canalmost smell the old
beer (tasty) and oldsocks (not so tasty)from looking at thephotos.
CU is nally goingto have a magazinefor the students.Advertisers andstudents (me included)agree it is about timefor something excitingfor us to read in class.Especially those hour
long lectures that seem
to never end.This is the last issuebefore August, whenI expand to 7,000copies and launch theSeptember/Back toSchool issue on August20th.
Keep an eye out forthe new advertisingdirector around Boulder.You will recognizehim by his sharp suit,
extensive knowledge ofBoulder print advertising(over 12 years) and hisenthusiasm for BoulderToday.
Best,Daniel KennedyCEO and Owner
Its about timeFOR A MAGAZINE TO READ IN
THOSE LONG, LONG LECTURES
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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GOINGUP US6, WESromgolden,
you will want to pull overaer going through the rsttunnel and going around thebend. Tere will be a pullof on the right side o theroad; you will want to parkyour mode o transportationthere. You have made it to
the beginning o an exciting
adventure into the worldbelow the earth.
Once you park,the beginning o the adven-ture starts at a trail on thewest end o the pull of thatheads up the mountain. Temain trail has many lesstravelled paths steamingout rom it, and a numbero them that you ollowwill take you to one o sev-eral entrances, about 150
above. Te short but gruel-
ing climb up a number orocks and more orks in thepath may warrant a smokebreak i you have anyone inyour group partakes. Aer
a short break continuingeast up the mountain willeventually take to you onethe entrances. From theremake sure you have a head-lamp and jeans on, glovesarent a bad idea either. Iyou brought a cooler tohold tasty beverages or aback pack now would bethe time to try and trick themost gullible person in your
COOL SHIT N STUFF
Shes a little festyGoing Down on Mother NatureBY NICOLAS PATRICK, CU SOPHMORE
Cool Shit n Stuff
Stalk Me on Facebook! Or
E-mail Nicolas.Patrick@
Colorado.edu
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
CONTINUED INSIDE
PHOTOSBYAMYVILONA,CUSTUDENT
PartyAnimal
DRINKSAT
CATACOMBS
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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July 2011COMING
Music, Sports, and lots of summer fun!
1
COLORADOROCKIES
COORS FIELDJULY 18 JULY 20@ 6:40PM
GLOBAL DANCEFESTIVAL
RED ROCKSAMPHITHEATER
JULY 14 JULY 16@ 5:00PM
Global Dance Festival re-turns to Red Rocks for theninth annual show! The
largest music festival in theRocky Mountains has a
stacked lineup this year, andwill not disappoint. Benny
Benassi, Skrillex, Dada Life,Major Lazer, & Big Gigantic
are among the many setsplanned for this 3 day event.
2
If youre looking toescape Boulder for theweekend, head out toDenver for a Rockiesgame. The Rockies arelooking to close the gapon the rst place Giantsthis weekend with ahome stand against theAtlanta Braves. Withtickets starting at only $4,youll have plenty left tospend on booze!
PEARL STREETRUNNERSCONOR ONEILLS
JULY 13TH & 20TH @ 6:15PM
2
Every Wednesday the Pearl StreetRunners hold a 5k race beginning atConor ONeills. Get your cardio infor the day/week/summer and thenhead back to the bar. After the race,enjoy $1 off all beers, and free food,compliments of Conor ONeills.
BY KEVIN LESHT, [email protected]
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
IMMORTAL INK1325 BROADWAY SUITE 218 BOULDER CO 80302 720-338-6668
LongtimeUniversityo ColoradoLaw SchoolDean David
Getches, who hadstepped down on June30 in order to return tothe schools aculty, diedtoday. He was 68.
Getches joined theaculty o Colorado Law
in 1979 as a nationally
renowned expert innatural resources andIndian law issues. Hewrote several books onwater law, natural re-sources law and Indianrights issues and hiswork has appeared innumerous publications.
On behal o theentire University oColorado community,
I wish to express my
deepest and hearteltcondolences to the am-ily and riends o DavidGetches, said Chancel-lor Phil DiSteano. Da-
vid provided exception-al leadership as dean othe Law School or closeto a decade and had anoutstanding career as ascholar and teacher. Hewill be greatly missed as
a riend and a colleague.
BUFF BRIEFSJULY 2011
CU MOURNS LOSS OF
FORMER CU LAW DEAN
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
Student Coupons
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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Zachs Discount eCig
Supply
Zach Miller(720) 215-0981
Boulder Colorado
BRING COUPON FOR 10% OFF
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Crepes to GoOn the Hill
7.7.11MichaelR.
Top ShelfAlternativesDispensary
Jack Flash inyour stash, boutto make it ash
Top Shelf Alternatives is one of
the top 5 dispensaries to go to
in the Boulder area. Its locateddowntown at 1327 Spruce onthe top oor o the buildingit occupies. Its quaint wait-ing rooms are decorated withwide screen televisions and by
what seemed to be a gay inte-rior designer that knew whathe/she was doing. Tey havevery consistent quality budsthroughout their menu alongwith a very nice selection okie or great prices. But letstalk about their Jack Flash.
Jack FlashStrain- Hybrid: 60% Indica /40% SativaGenetics- Jack Herer x SuperSkunk
Jack Flashs nugs have slim,narrow leaves that are charac-teristic o Sativa plants but thebuds themselves are rounderand look thicker and kushy intexture.
SUPERB HERB BLURB
Dispensary reviews every issue
FRESH BUD
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
9/18
Tellusthelocationeveryissueon
FacebookorTwitter.Prizescoming
soon.PHotoshotbyDesmondDa-
vis.
Thephotosareusuallytaken
ono
rnearcampus
GuessTheLocation
Frat RaidersSORORITY ANDDORM RAIDERSCOMING SOON
Guess the houseJuly 2011
HINT:THE SIDES OF THIS HOUSE
ARE COVERED IN IVY
This room nicknamed TheCave is a messy hangout spot
for this preppy frat boy. Hiscloset is lled with ironed buttondowns and y kicks. Althougha large bong sits right nextto the bed, the refrigerator iscompletely empty of munchiefood. The movies Dazed andConfused andAdventureland,sitting on the table next to theempty beer cans show this fratboy knows how to have a goodtime.
Let me know if you want your room to be inthe next issue. I snap photos of a new frathouse every issue. By Taylor Myers
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
I snapphotos of
a new roomevery issue.Guess which
frat housethis is
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PHOTO
SBYAMYVILONA,CUBOULDER
TooCoolForSchool
FOOD FOR UNDER $4.
FRIDAYNIGHT
ESCAPADESAccording to an urban
legend Catacombs servesmore PBR then any bar in
America
MIX IT UP A BIT BY TAKING A walk down
to Pearl Street or this weeks happy hourspecials. Tese cheap eats are one o thebest-kept secrets in Boulder. From around 3to 6pm happy hour is a great way to pay lowcash or a high class meal. Happy hour issimply the best or taking a date to a cheapmeal at a our-star restaurant. Tis weeksgreat deals or less than $4 are to be oundat the Med.
Te Med ofers a delicious array o happyhour specials or less than $4 guaranteed tomake an excellent afordable date. Easy onyour wallet and easy extra points at a great
restaurant with drink deals and a gorgeous
staf i I may say so,what could be better?For over seventeenyears, this locallyowned restaurant hasbeen ofering a deli-
cious selection o Ital-ian, Spanish, French,and Greek cuisine.
Te Meds eclectic menu includes deli-cious tapas, resh salads and seaood, paella,pastas, grilled and organic specialties, woodoven pizzas and house made desserts. TeMed has over orty wines by the glass andlively Happy Hour everyday rom 3:00 to6:30, located on the west side o Boulder,
just of the Pearl St. Mall between 9th &11th st. at 1002 Walnut.
I decided to stop by yesterday to grab an
Old Fashioned (a cocktail made by mud-dling dissolved sugar with bitters thenadding alcohol, such as whiskey with a twisto citrus rind) and to check out one o myavorite happy hour spots. Te mussels, hotolives, pinchon moruno (Chicken and lambskewers) and my avorite cocktail were theperect combination or the evening.
Te girl I took out to dine with was verypleased with her meal as well and thoughwe ended up paying a bit extra or drinksaer happy hour was over, it was all wellworth our while.
Happy HourSpecialsAre you tired of eating the
same old stuff on the Hill?BY CHRIS SHIELDS
Whats happening
Boulder?
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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This is something I wish Iknew about when I enrolledat CU, not when I was enter-ing into my senior year. TeIS website has an interac-tive map showing all the
computer labs on campus. Not only dothey show where they are, but also whatkind o operating system these computersare running on. During my college careerthere has been many a time when I neededto work on a computer but a lab was ull or
a building was closed.For that kind o situa-tion, this map will is alie-saver.
But it is also littlemisleading. At rst itseems like CU ofers abounty o computer ac-cess or its students, but some labs (i nota lot) are open to the average student. Forexample, the Dal Ward computer lab is,ocially, only accessible to members othe athletic department (student-athletes,tutors, sports-med intern, etc) and thesame is true or the lab in the ALASbuilding and or the the Armory wherethe Journalism School is housed. I amsure that there are more labs on campuswith such restrictions.
None the less, this is one o the bestkept secrets or navigating through thelabyrinth. Heres the link: http://webdata.colorado.edu/labs/map/
SecretComputer
Labs On campus and where
to fnd themBY STEPHEN KASICA
[email protected] SENIOR
Campus Labyrinth
COMPUTERLABS
At rst itseems like CUoffers a bounty
of computeraccess for its
students
THE
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
MAP OF CU COMPUTER LABS
Why the F#@%??
As a student, do youever wonder why....
BY LAURA MCGOWAN
From June 24-26, 2011,thousands o music loversrom across the countrygathered together to enjoyan enchanting 96 hours omusic in just 68 hours atSonic Bloom Music Fes-tival.
Perorming on two separatestages, over 50 musical art-ists including Eoto, ipper,MartyParty, Heyoka, Zilla,Random Rab, Jansten, An-en-Nae, and Vibesquad,set the mood or an endlessweekend o entertainment.Alongside the immense
musical talent, 78 live actso perorming and visualartists thrilled the audiencewith re-spinning, Ariel
dancing, live painting, and
even held workshops (yoga,poi classes) or those whowanted to take a more ac-tive role in the un.
7|4|11: Georgetown, CO
STUDENT NEWS RANDOM CAMPUS IN CLASS
Welcome to the Magic: Sonic
Bloom Music Festival 2011
thousands of mu-
sic lovers fromacross the country
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
CONTINUED INSIDE
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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We l c o m eto a notesand com-m e n tc o l u m n
in its 12th year, penned
by CU Associate AthleticDirector David Plati, whois nishing his 27th year asthe Bufaloes director osports inormation.
Plati-udes No. 92 Only a couple o Bufswho have worn 92 haveattained all-league status:both All-Big 8: Laval Shortand Shannon Clavelle, twoo the best down linemenin CU history) Not sureabout most o you, but my
lie seems okay despite
what LeBron James tweet-ed to the world (that all ous would go back to ourboring lives with our ev-eryday problems i we wererooting against him). Um,
LeBron, remember thatline by Nick Nolte in BlueChips that 900 millionChinese dont care? Andas a PR guy, thanks or theexample o what not to doand say or my playersHave you checked out edMillers Pac-12 Blog onESPN.com? Might be thebest o all their blogsIcheck it several times aday.-Courtesy o Dave andwww.cubufs.com
And a personal note,I have nally recoveredfrom the self-inictedwound I suffered from jamming an ice pick inmy ear after listening toChristina Aguilera hackup the national anthemat the Super Bowl. -Dave
Plati-Tudes Looks Back At
Big 12, Forward To Pac-12
LOOKING BACK
AT THE BIG 12
FROM THE CU SPORTS ROOM
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
A chemical smell caused the brie evacua-tion o the south wing o the University oColorado Boulders Engineering Center atabout 10 a.m. today.
Tere was no explosion, injuries ordamage, according to Brandon Boger,associate director o CU-B oulders Envi-ronmental Health and Saety department.About 100 students were let back into the
building at about 10:50 a.m.
A student researcher was using a sul-phur-based chemical within a glove box,a contained box in which experiments areconducted, when some o the umes evap-orated into the lab, Boger said. Because thechemical, thiol, smells like natural gas, are alarm was then pulled as is standardprocedure in any suspected chemical spill.Te leak did not cause any hazardous con-
ditions within the lab. -CU Boulder
Have youchecked outTed MillersPac-12 Blog onESPN.com?
7.1.11From the news room
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
vChemical smell causes brief evacuation ofsouth wing of CU Engineering Center
JimmySmith
http://extra
s.mnginteractive.com/
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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Being pursuedby a virgin isa righteningprospect. Per-sonally, I view
sleeping with the chasteto be similar to openinga jar o picklesits eithertoo easy and not worth re-membering or requires anembarrassing amount oefort (ie running it underhot water, putting on rub-ber gloves, hitting the top
with blunt objectsetc).I recently had the mis-adventure o attracting atwenty one year old male
virgin. At the time, I wasonly mildly interested inhim but as a bit o a lush,Im easily lured anywherewith ree booze. On theevening in question I hadingested three ourths o abottle o wine at his placeand ound mysel scant-ily clothed and happily
intoxicated. O course, Iwas banking on explo-sive, ullling sex beorethe words, Im a virgin,escaped his mouth. In my
mind there were three op-tions. A.) Love the virgintenderly like a real man,B.) Drunkenly escape, orC.) Dial a riend.
Te obvious answerin my drunken haze wasC. I blurted out some-thing about having topee; pawed or my phoneand staggered out (con-
Sometime later, Istumbled back tohis room and drankthe rest of the winewhile standing in hisdoorframe
NO BAD SEX
BY M. IM ASOPHOMORE
Spare Yourself Bad Sex at CU
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
CONTINUED INSIDE
ManiaRED ROCKS
FOX & BOULDER THEATER
Music
Glitch Mob, Lotus and Mimosa hosted anelectronic blowout last Saturday at Red Rocks.
BARS
ABSINTHE HOUSE
BY CHRISTOPHER RUDNICK
Hey guys, I will becovering the music scene
in Boulder every issue.Be sure to catch my
articles so you stay up
DJ or Bust?
Dont Forget
to Check out GlobalDance Festival,July 14-16.
Whenever I think Mimosa, I imagine grimy trip hoppy dubstep that makes thecrowd go nuts. However, there was not much to see or hear in this performance. TigranMkhitaryans show was disappointing with a small side of musical monotony. Comingfrom a previous fan, Mimosas live DJ skills have much room for improvement and orpossibly more of a rhythmic sound to his new material. Maybe it was the speakers or theacoustic setting of Red Rocks but his sounds were very hard to distinguish.
Lotus jammed the stadium withan even more visually stunningnight show than their last.
Downsizing to the elite four, Mike Rempel and the rest of the gang from Lo-tus jammed the stadium with an even more visually stunning light show than their last.When the sun had set and the crowd was good and pumped, the anticipated headliner,Glitch Mob, took the stage with style. Smoke, deep purple lights and haunting musicplayed while the hooded band members made way to their almost spaceship like podi-ums. Playing late into the night, The Glitch Mob ended with a four song encore packedwith girls hanging from sheets, lights and a bass heavy remix of the White Stripes.
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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HOW
TOQUENCH
YOURSUMMER THIRST
HOW TO QUENCH THE PARCHEDSEASON IN BOULDER. BY LAURENJONES,COLUMNIST IN THE BUFF,
EMAIL ME AT [email protected]
V
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
The Rooster hasshut down for the
summer, but worrynot, Boulder Todayhas your back! Thisweek, the staff ven-tured out to Half FastSubs where we hadan awesome time.
Each weekend
(Thursday, Friday,and Saturday) HalfFast offers half off allfood and drink after11:45pm. The dealserves as the perfectstart to any weekend
night. Grab yourfavorite sandwich, and
head out to the patio.While plotting out yournight, and enjoyingthe summer, makesure to try a StrongIsland, or a Hurricane.Theyll get you ready
1/2 off Food & Drink OFF ALL DRINK AND FOOD. THURSDAY, FRIDAY, ANDSATURDAY AFTER 11:45PM AT HALF FAST SUBS
HALF FAST SUBS
Half Fast regularlyfeatures live music,and you might justnd yourself staying
until close. Whetheryoure stopping by tograb a meal, or stay-ing for the night, thedeal does not disap-point.
1/2
off
x
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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Its the hump month osummer, and things arerunning steadily. Teexcitement o summersreedom has long sinceed and the anticipa-tion o the all semesteris settling in. In short,here are simple ways tokeep your summer reshand avoid the humpmonth boredom
Grab a Buff Buddy
Whether you two aregetting reaky in thesheets or sharing dirtysecrets over a cup o co-ee, you will be relievedto nd that when youhave a special someoneto share your time with,lie is just that muchmore thrilling. It can be
a love interest, a goodriend, or a no stringsattached kind o deal,but we all know that twois always better than one(and sometimes three isbetter than two).Find a Purpose
Get a job or volunteer.With this is mind, nda job that you have ageneral interest in. Te
experience you will at-tain just rom going outand trying somethingnew will at least giveyou a better sense oyour interests. I.E. Iyou dont like pickingup dog poop now, thenyou will never like pick-ing up dog poop, and
thereore, should neverbe a proessional poop-er-scooper. Yes, you get
--LAUREN JONES
Deadmau5-ABoulder Favorite
Grabbing food in the
summer time is always
a good idea
SHOULDNEVER BE APROFESSIONALPOOPER-SCOOPER.
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.comBoulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
A trip off the beaten path in Colorados most offbeat town.
Despite what experience dictates, there is a lot more to Boulder than boozing,outdoor activities and lighting aming bags of dog poo on President Bensonsdoormat. Boulder is home to an amazing array of interests, which in turnspawn some amazingly odd happenings. For example, weve only just startedto hit our summer stride and have already hosted a tree rave (see: Gemini),a juggling festival and God knows how many LARP battles. But these eventsare just a sampling of the obscure gatherings our town has to offer. Problemis, unless youre a level 50 battle-jester with a penchant for party drugs (I canonly assume one would follow the other), odds are you wont so much as hearabout these fascinating little goings on, let alone nd out what theyre all about.
Thats where I come in. As Boulder Todays Obscurnalist, Ill be checking outthe outliers. Ill write about what its like to, say, glitter dance a Ke$ha show,spend a day on Pearl with the silver man or tie one on with Ralphie after a win.
But really, I want to know what you want to read about. Thats why Ill be takingsuggestions for anything you think would be hilarious/strange/foolish enoughto take on via email at [email protected]. Just try to keep it legal. Asneat as it would be to referee a monkey knife ght, I promised myself I aintgoin back to jail for nobody.
But otherwise, lets get weird.
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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Diary
A big
middlefngerWe attend the coolest school on
both sides o the Mississippi,and we know how to party
BY RAY CHILEN
Tell me if you like [email protected]
ID LIKE O RAISE A NICE, longmiddle nger to the U.S. legal system.With all the crap going on with theCasey Anthony trial these days, I canthelp but wonder what the system is really
useul or anymore. Here in Boulder kidshave MIPs coming out their ears, andyou cant smoke a joint without havingto duck out when a cop rolls by. Mean-while, crazy people are drowning theirdaughters, not reporting them missing,and still getting of as innocent. WF.And in other news, I have been told thatthere are more U.S. citizens behind barsthan in school. Wow. Great job U.S. legalsystem, you guys rock!
CU
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
Summer in Boulder with the friends. Always fun
Boulder Todaywww.TheBoulderToday.com
get the idea.Get Buff
Colorado prides itsel on being thettest state, and us Coloradans maycontribute part o this honor to theact that we have some o the mostbeautiul weather worldwide. Teresno better time to run, hike, swim, orplay a pick up game o ootball thannow. ake advantage o the beautiul
outdoors and the limitless possibilitiesto buf up and run around town halnaked. Aer all, its hot enough.Indulge
is the season! For every tear-jerking,bone-crushing, ego-bruising activitythat takes up a part o your day, sup-plement it with a complete whim osomething splendid. Maintaining thecrucial balance between discipline andcraziness will help to preserve yoursanity. So go ahead, splurge on a wild
night to see your avorite band at RedRocks aer a rough workweek.Explore
Tink o the saying Another One Bitesthe Dust. Although not contextual itis still relevant. When your job doesntwork out or you eel that a herd o bu-aloes just plowed over your parade,it may be an advantage disguised asa jinx. Summer is prime exploration
time to try another job more in tunewith your passions, to take the camp-ing trip with your buds, or to read upon the Boulder oday and nd outwhats going down on the Hill or Cam-pus. Sometimes major setbacks arethe only cues or better replacements.
It would not be lecturing, but inspir-ing to say that we could all use a littlemore exploration, in all its wondrousorms.
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8/6/2019 Issue 19, July
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2011
mre new
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We feel the 31,000 CU students
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