grab the world by the lapels. life’s a bitch. you’ve got ...€¦ · thing you want and have...

21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life.No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.” - Maya Angelou


First and foremost: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for down-loading this e-book and taking the time from your busy life to read it. It is my true desire that you take it and love yourself a little more. xo.

Self love: Have you ever sat down to think about and take inventory of how you feel about yourself? Is it on your “to-do” list? Do you smile at yourself in the mirror on a daily basis and give yourself a flirty wink and tell yourself you are badass?

Let me tell you something I know for sure:

Self-love is the number one thing you need in order to have every-thing you want and have the most kick-ass life you can imagine.

It’s not rocket science. It’s not just for the pretty, privileged people. It’s free and anyone can have it.

And it’s a choice.

Now, I’ve talked to a lot of successful people. I have many friends that are living the life of their freakin’ dreams. And I spit-swear to you, that every single one of them has one thing in common:

They love themselves totally and unconditionally.

I was skeptical too. Being a people-pleasin’, perfection-hustlin’, over-achievin’ kinda girl….there isn’t too much room or time or feeling or deserving to have self love.

And the argument I had was, “ Oh my gawd. Self love is just for hippies or super conceited jerks. How weird.”

Good excuse, right?

I put myself into a nice little box and conformed to what I thought I “should” do, who I thought I “should” be, but had a nagging and sinking feeling about my future. I reeked of insecurity and didn’t even really know it. Yet.


Any of this sound familiar?

If so, congratulations. No, really. The amazing news is that now you know. A lot of people live their entire lives this way and either don’t give a shit to try and change or are too afraid.

I’ve come up with 21 pieces of advice/ponderments (I just made that word up) for you to think about to help you bust out of your confined box and live your authentic, true badass self. Because she IS in there, waiting to come out.

Although I love huggin’ trees just as much as the next girl, I encourage you to print this out if you like the workbook aspect of this book. I offer a couple questions after each tip/tool to help you dig deeper. To me, if there’s no work involved, it’s just words on a page.

Enjoy, and keep kickin’ ass…….

*Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist or any other “ist” in that fam-ily. Who I am is a remarkable and confident woman who has been through hell and back. I’ve found my life purpose and that’s to help other women figure out how to live their own best life for themselves. What I’ve come to realize is that loving yourself is the first and most important step. The following are steps and lessons that I have taken. Self-love and acceptance are some-thing I constantly have to practice in order to live my own kick-ass life.


My StorySo, I may not be the type of person you think of when you imagine some-one with low self-esteem, major insecurities, and even poor body image. I had a great childhood, grew up in Suburbia, USA, and was adored by my parents. At 17, I started a relationship with the “boy next door” and we married 10 years later. Two years after we married, he had an affair with our neighbor and got her pregnant, just as we were planning to try to conceive our first child.

Talk about getting kicked in the balls.

At that point I was 30 years old, alone for the very first time ever and scared shitless. The depression from my traumatic divorce led me down the path of disordered eating and exercise. Way down. I I starved and exercised myself down to nothing and thought, “This is it! This is hap-piness! I’ll find the man I always wanted and all my dreams will come true!”

Not so much.

So, there I was divorced, living in a van down by the river ... just kidding. But, in all seriousness, I was divorced, depressed, starving, self-loathing and just plain miserable. I was even more miserable and angry because I had become very thin and found that wasn’t the answer to all my problems. (Wasn’t I promised by our culture and mass media that thin was the answer to everything?)

I then attracted the worst possible relationship I could find and stayed in it even though I knew deep down this new guy wasn’t right for me. It was easier to do that than to face my own problems. I was coping the only way I knew how. I mean, no one teaches you the rule of how to cope when you’re dealt the husband-cheats-on-you-and-gets-your-neigh-bor-pregnant card.

At one point I was several months into this new relationship I knew was dysfunctional. Dysfunctional is actually putting it nice. This guy was con-ning me out of money, lying to me every day, cheating on me and manip-ulating me. I was sitting at a stoplight in my car when reality struck me. I realized I was in a terrible situation and needed to get out, to face myself and my life. I literally said out loud, “What am I doing?”


Think I went home to break up with my boyfriend? Nope. I stuck it out a few more months, but then finally when it couldn’t get any worse, I got out.

For the very first time I was forced to actually be with myself. Who was I? What did I want for myself? And by god, why did I not like myself? I had never not been in a relationship in my adult life. Since I was 15 years old I had looked to men to esteem me. However I was seen by them was how I saw myself. Alone for the first time, I was ready to figure it out. Whatever “it” was, I had no idea, but I knew I was scared, clueless about life and who I was, and had no idea where to begin. Life gave me a second chance and I wasn’t about to play small anymore. So, I read everything I could, talked to everyone I could about it, and basically flew by the seat of my pants through the healing process. And now that I’m on the other side, I want to help you get there too.

Now, I don’t expect you to have the same story I did. Maybe you had a hard childhood, maybe you were or are currently in an abusive relationship, maybe you’ve struggled with an eating disorder. It could be a whole mishmash of “stuff.” The bottom line is, if you are struggling with self-love, self-esteem and/or body image, it is robbing you of your best life. And let’s face it: Life’s too short for it to not kick-ass.* Right?

Okay, let’s get started.


Tips & Tools for Kick-Ass Life Shift your mindset. Tell yourself this is the most magnificent life has ever been. Even if you do live in a van down by the river. You might have to fake it ’til you make it, but start. Now. Tell yourself this is not only the greatest time in your life, but YOU are the best you’ve ever been. Note: This is a work in progress. You can’t just think it and say, “Phew! That was easy!” You have to say it aloud, write it down yourself, make it a daily practice. When you fall out of the habit, just notice and start over.

What totally rocks in your life right now? (Even if it’s only one thing.)

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What is something you don’t like in your life, but that you can change your attitude about?

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Open your eyes. If you’re not facing the reality of what is really going on in your life, take a moment to truly listen and see. Without judgment. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, admit what’s happening around you. Quiet the voices that tell you whose fault it is, make excuses, or whatever your nay-saying voice tells you. Perhaps you are a fierce perfection-ist, have disordered eating, or are suffering from depression. Or maybe you’re in a bad marriage or relationship.

By not admitting to what’s really happening, what is the price you are paying for staying in denial?

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What are you really afraid of facing?

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If you live in the land of victimhood feeling sorry for yourself, pack your bags and move out. Loving yourself is not about having a pity party. It wears on you (not to mention the people around you), breeds onto itself, and will give you more of the same. Sure, it’s okay to feel sad, or frustrated, or whatever feelings you need to feel about your current circumstances, but if you’re setting up residency there, see Step #1.

What are you getting out of being addicted to suffering?

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Who do you need to be in order to stop blaming everyone else for your unhappy circumstances?

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Forgive yourself for any past mistakes you may have made. You can-not truly love yourself if you are still beating yourself up for mistakes you made in the past. Maybe you have mommy guilt over something, maybe you abused your body somehow, or maybe you did something that was less than honorable just last week. To stop judging yourself over the past? You are human. Sometimes in the “Human-ness” of us all, there is some “Human-mess.” We all have it. Remember: We all cope the best way we know how, at that time, with the tools we have. Learn from it and move on.

What would happen if you allowed yourself to move away from the past mistake?

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What would it take to forgive yourself? What if you just made the decision?

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If you need it, get some therapy. If you have deep scars from child-hood, get therapy. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, anything that consumes your life and makes life hard to live every day, get therapy. If you’re in therapy and you don’t like your therapist, fire him or her and find a new one. Use resources available to you. Do the homework they give you. Showing up at your appointments isn’t a magic trick that’s go-ing to heal you. YOU are.

What do you have to lose by trying to find a great therapist?

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What do I want to get out of therapy?

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Take inventory of toxic people in your life. You know who they are. The person who consistently shows up in your life and sucks the energy out of you. Who isn’t reciprocal in what you give to them. Or, that person in your life that is just an asshole. And yes, it might be a family member. You are an adult. You CAN make the decision to have them in your life or not. This might not be an easy one, trust me, I know, but I cannot em-phasize enough how important it is to surround yourself with people who make you shine for who you are inside your heart and soul.

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Who do you need to distance yourself from in order to break free from their dysfunction?

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What would be better in your life if you eradicated this person(s)?

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If you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, take responsibility for it. If you’re in a relationship where the other person treats you like crap, remember: You’re the one who is sticking around for the crap, deep down knowing it isn’t going to get better. And yes, I get it that both outcomes of this situation are crappy. One; you stay and continue to get more of the same in your relationship. Two, you leave and are unsure if you made the right decision, deal with the pain of the break-up and loneliness.

Are you hanging onto the “if only...” notion? If you’re in love with “if only,” that person isn’t going to show up to give you the love and respect you truly deserve. Yes, you!

What are you holding onto by staying in this relationship? What is it cost-ing you?

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In 5 years, if you are still in this relationship and things are exactly the same (or worse), what are you going to wish you had done, now?

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Ask for support. Why is it that some women have such a hard time asking for help? Do they feel judged? Less than perfect? Like a failure? Perhaps. Try making a list of all the people you can think of who love and care about you. You may need to narrow it down to people you know will be there for you. Make a list with a big marker and put it somewhere you will see it, like by your computer or fridge. When you are feeling crappy, call or email one or all of those people and specifically tell them you need (fill in the blank). Not everyone may respond. But, at least you had the courage to ask. That, in itself, is courageous and admirable.

What is holding you back from asking for support?

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Who can you call this week and ask for support?

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Put out in the world what you want to get back. Like attracts like. What you feel, say and do needs to be in alignment with what you want and desire in this life. If you are constantly in negative self-talk, convinced you’re a loser, envious of other people and hating that you’re single, guess what? You’re going to keep getting more of that, sister. You have to be willing to not only change the conversation in your head, but what you say out loud to others and about yourself. If the committed energy you have is negative and NOT what you really want, again, you’ll continue to get more of that. Shift your thoughts. Commit to what you really want and set your thoughts, beliefs and feelings in alignment with that.

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Think about what you really, truly desire. How are your thoughts and feel-ings in alignment with this?

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What is one minor tweak you can make in your thinking to get more aligned?

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Kick your gremlin’s ass. We all have one. The voice that doubts us, tells us we “can’t,” compares us to others, convinces us we aren’t good enough or worthy enough. Mine still pipes up every once in a while too! First thing to do is just know it’s there. Just telling yourself you know that voice is speaking to you may be the first step you need. Many people live most or all of their lives listening to this voice as truth (which the gremlin voice always presents itself as). Become mindful of it and ask yourself what just happened to have let your gremlin get so loud.

Gremlin managing is so important to me because I’ve experienced huge changes in my life and seen changes in the lives of my clients. I’ve creat-ed an entire e-book and workbook for it, along with an at-home e-course. Click here for more information.

What does your gremlin sabotage in your life? _________________________________________________________

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What are your main gremlin triggers?

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http://yourkickasslife.com/gremlin-products


Practice being “good enough.” When you start to get all hot and both-ered about needing to be the absolute best at something, remind your-self that at the end of your life, you won’t give a shit. I’m not saying you should become a slacker. Striving for excellence is one thing —in fact it’s great to strive for excellence in what you do. But when it robs you of what’s truly important, loosen up on the reins a little. You are good enough, just by being you.

What does “good enough” mean to you? (Watch out for gremlins here!)

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What can you do today to remind yourself that you are good enough?

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Notice how often you play the comparison game. Notice I didn’t say, “Stop playing the comparison game.” We all play it to some extent; I think it’s in our nature as human beings. I’m sure cave people used to envy each other’s caves and compare who had more hair on their backs (eww). But, the first step is just to notice it. With anything in your life, whether it’s something tangible or how you feel about a part of your body, whenever you feel that you need or want something, ask yourself what triggered it, and what the true reason is. Does your true self need it or is it your gremlin telling you something false?

What’s the biggest thing you compare yourself around? Other women? Co-workers? Your partner’s ex’s?

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What could you do this week to help minimize the amount of comparing you do?

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Perfectionism is paralyzing. It will sabotage you for life. No one has all the answers. No one has it all figured out. No one. You are not perfect, and trying to fake it will only tear you down and beat you up. Mistakes and failures are awesome because we can learn from them to become our true self. No one ever became his or her most true, beautiful, authentic self without failing many times. We all have to be willing to look crazy sometimes in order to get what we want.

What are you being robbed of by always wanting everything to be per-fect? _________________________________________________________

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What are you getting out of trying to be perfect?

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Trust yourself. Even if you’re the type person who doesn’t trust other people. Even if you’ve made bad decisions in the past. No one can do this work for you but you. Just reading this e-book isn’t going to magically grant you self-love and change your life for you. I’ll say it again: Trust yourself. Trust any positive thoughts you have about yourself. Your intu-ition is always speaking to you in some way. It takes practice to get quiet and listen. Start now.

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When has your intuition spoken to you where you didn’t listen? What happened?

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What is my intuition trying to tell you perhaps about a situation you are in right now? _________________________________________________________

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Notice if you esteem yourself through someone else’s eyes. I used to do this. I never learned about loving myself, I just expected it from my boyfriends. And when they didn’t, my whole world fell apart. When we were happy, I was ecstatic, when we weren’t, I felt crappy about myself, even hated myself. I needed to learn to love myself unconditionally, even when my boyfriend didn’t. I desperately felt that I needed to be loved in order to love myself. If you feel this way too, I have news for you: First, if your boyfriend is a piece of shit to you, leave him. Second, you deserve love first and foremost from yourself. The end.

Do you esteem yourself, or do you make it someone else’s responsibility?

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In your relationships, do you love yourself first and know that you would be okay and lovable with or without that person?

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Surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you. Like attracts like. If you choose to only surround yourself with badass people, guess what happens? You will become and remain your true, badass self. And a funny thing might happen when you start to accept and be true to yourself. You might lose some friends. If you do, I can assure you they weren’t holding your heart like they should have. But, the other relation-ships that are truly worthwhile will grow, and you’ll attract the most awe-some people you could ever ask for. It’s not magic. It’s just life.

Who are the people who truly love and care about you and who have your best intentions at heart?

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Who are the people that aren’t serving you? What can you do about it?

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Boldly stand up for what you believe in even if it’s unpopular. I don’t care if you are passionate about something that everyone else thinks is weird (and if they do, they just don’t understand it). It’s not your job to convince everyone to think like you, it’s your job to do what makes you feel good.

What do you believe in? What makes your heart sing and can make you jump on a soapbox and preach it?

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What are you doing about it?

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If you think it’s about your weight, or your size, or even food, think again. If you’re not happy being overweight, or even 5 pounds heavier than you think you need to be, you aren’t going to be truly happy as a skinny person either. Sure, you might feel better about the way you look, but what’s really going on inside your heart? That, my friend, won’t lie to you. You heart will whisper to you if you’re really unhappy. Don’t ignore it.

What is truly going on? What are you hiding from?

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Never, ever, ever apologize for who you are. NEVER! You were born with a unique and distinct personality. It was tailored just for you. It’s uncomfortable and difficult to try to change and morph into something we’re not. Whether you think you should be different, or someone else says so, you are you. And it’s your birthright to embrace it.

If you’ve been hiding your uniqueness, what is the voice in your head making up about it?

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How could you fully embrace your uniqueness?

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Remember it’s all a work in progress. You may will have setbacks. And it’s frustrating, especially when you’re doing work on yourself, feeling great and suddenly something derails you you weren’t expecting. It’s not about doing the work and suddenly saying, “TA DA! I’m fixed!” It’s about doing the work, learning from it, moving forward, noticing setbacks, and learning some more. No one is immune from setbacks.

How can you go easy on yourself when you have a setback?

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What if you could make up a manta or saying that is personal for you, when you have a setback? (Example: Oops. I did it again. So what? Move on.)

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Remember: It IS possible. What if, WHAT IF you could feel totally kick-ass-awesome about yourself? If you don’t, I invite you to ask yourself to say, “What if I could love myself completely for one minute?” Start there. And see what happens. And if it doesn’t work at that moment, try again!

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Why I Know You Can Do ItA lot of people ask me how I did it. How did I get from point A (being in a hole full of crap to dig out of) to point B (a happy, fulfilled life)?. I’m also asked how I stay so positive. It’s actually pretty simple, and it’s not a secret, so I’ll just tell you.

First of all, I’m really no different from your average woman. I’ve strug-gled with divorced parents, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and dysfunc-tional relationships just like the next girl. And there was a time I could not see a point where my life would get better.

But, I made a choice. Yes, a choice. I chose to make my life better. And let me tell ya, I got scared when it started to change. I saw that first little glimmer of who I really was and I freaked. I was alone. Single. My grem-lin got very loud and uncomfortable, urging me to stay small and hide.

Once again I chose to move forward. Sometimes it was three steps forward and two steps back. I gained a little momentum. I learned a little more. I began living my life according to my values. I slowly started to care less about what other people thought of me, and care more about taking care of my soul.

And that, my friend, opened up a part of my heart that I didn’t know existed.

The bottom line is that I make a choice every day to be who I am. I’m no better than you, reading these words. I have no special powers. I have no free pass to the “awesomeness club.” I choose it for myself. I choose happy.

What do you want to choose?


How I Can Help YouPlease email [email protected] to receive an application for 1:1 coaching.

I offer individual 1:1 coaching for aspiring badass women (or, even if you are already one, let’s talk). As well as coach mentoring for new coaches.

I also have several products that may help you. Head over to the kick-ass shop to browse.

And if you’d like to know more about me, what I’m about and how I got my coaching superpowers, click here.

mailto:[email protected]

http://yourkickasslife.com/coaching/coaching-packages/individual-coaching

http://yourkickasslife.com/coach-mentoring

http://yourkickasslife.com/shop

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With a full heart I hope that you learned something about yourself as well as hopefully can implement some changes and/or growth.

This e-book isn’t by any means the “be-all end-all” to having a perfect life, but a brief overview of the biggest destroyers of confidence, self-esteem, self-love and acceptance. Hopefully the insight and questions asked after each tip can help you evaluate where you are and make steps to improve your life.

If you’d like more support in your quest for your kick-ass life, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d love to hear how I can help you have a kick-ass life.

xo,Andrea

*A note about “kick-ass”. I use this term in the most compassionate way possible. Personally, I had to quit sitting around wishing things were different. I had to kick my own ass to get out of where I was to get to where I am now. Everyone has their own way of ass kicking. Find yours and love yourself along the way.


If you’d like to pass this e-book along to a friend, feel free, but please tell them where you got it. Please don’t use this e-book and pass it off as your own. That’s a bad and illegal habit called plagiarism. If you’re going to have a bad habit, pick your nose instead. At least it doesn’t piss anyone else off. TY.

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grab the world by the lapels. life’s a bitch. you’ve got ...€¦ · thing you want and have...

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