By Rebecca (Cordeiro) BentingHUM-172

Coping with Life & Death

DEATH & DYING

Death is the end of life as we know it. It is the permanent termination of the biological functions that sustain a living organism.

Phenomena which commonly bring about death include old age, predation, malnutrition, disease, and accidents or trauma resulting in terminal injury.

What is death?

Grief is the normal emotional response to losing someone or something important.

The most common type of loss is the death of a loved one, including a grandparent, parent, sibling, relative, or even a family pet. Families often have rituals and customs designed to help and support those dealing with the loss, like funerals or friends bringing food.

There are other types of loss that are not as clear or concrete, however. Examples include the loss of a job, one’s sense of safety, or even good health. Adults and children often feel a sense of loss after a divorce, a natural disaster, or other traumatic event. Many feel loss when they move away from family and friends or when a military member deploys.

Grief & Loss

Everyone experiences grief differently. This list contains some of the most common ways people feel.

Children must also deal with a disruption to their routines and the unavailability of family members, who are also dealing with their own grief and may not be as emotionally or physically available.

To Adults:

Shock, numbness, emptiness Anger Sadness Crying Guilt Changes in sleep Strange dreams or nightmares Changes in appetite Lack of motivation Absent-mindedness Desire to be alone

To Children:

Anger Sadness Frequent crying Denial Avoidance Confusion Changes in sleep Changes in appetite Strange dreams or nightmares Physical complaints Regression Clinginess Guilt Irritability Temper tantrums Acting out Refusing to go to school Social withdrawal

How does grief feel?

• Children tend to react differently to loss than adults. They may show more behavioral and physical signs of grief.

• Preschool children do not tend to fully understand the nature of death and may believe that their loved one will come back.

• Young children frequently engage in "magical thinking", meaning that they believe they have more power than they do; they may believe that they caused the loss by something they did or thought. (For example, a child may believe that by wishing someone was dead, she is responsible for that person’s death.)

• It is also common for children to believe that their loved one has returned in the form of a ghost or spirit, or is still alive somewhere.

Grief in children:

Kübler-Ross model"Kübler-Ross Model." Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Web. 02 May. 2012.<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model>.

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as The Five Stages of Grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

Included in her book was the Model of Coping with Dying, which she based on research and interviews with more than 500 dying patients. It describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people cope and deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness or experience a catastrophic loss. In addition to this, her book brought mainstream awareness to the sensitivity required for better treatment of individuals who are dealing with a fatal disease or illness.

Kübler-Ross added that it's important to note that these stages are not meant to be complete or chronological. Not everyone who experiences a life-threatening or life-altering event feels all five of the responses nor will everyone who does experience them do so in the order in which they are written. Reactions to illness, death, and loss are as unique as the person experiencing them.

Not everyone goes through all of the steps or goes through them in a linear fashion. Some steps may be bypassed entirely, others may be experienced in a different order, some may be re-experienced again and again and some may get stuck in one.

The Five Stages of Grief

o Denial

o Anger

o Bargaining

o Depression

o Acceptance

The first stage of grief is denial.

It is really the first of our reactions to any form of sudden loss. Depending on the relationship we share to the subject of our loss, the more our lives may be uprooted or altered.

It’s very common for people simply to try and initially deny the event to subconsciously avoid sadness or the thought of pending mental struggles.

People in denial often withdraw from their normal social behavior and become isolated. Denial has no set time frame or may never be felt at all but it is considered the first stage of grief.

Denial

The second stage of grief is Anger.

People that are grieving often become upset with the person or situation which put them in their grief state. After all, their life could now be in complete disarray. The path of least resistance is anger as opposed to facing the consequences of a loss head on.

In the case of death, the anger is often focused toward the deceased for leaving that person behind and unable to cope. Other times people become angry at themselves if they feel they could have done something more to stop the loss from happening.

Anger

The third stage of grief is bargaining.

This is when those who are grieving are reaching out to the universe to make the pain go away. It’s actually very normal and a sign that they are beginning to comprehend their situation.

People will often try to make a deal with god and promise to do anything if the pain will be taken away.

Bargaining

The fourth stage of grief is Depression.

Contrary to popular belief depression is something that may take some time to develop. We often think we are depressed when a grief event first occurs but there is usually a lot of shock and other emotions present before any real depression sets in.

The signs of depression due to grief usually appear when a sense of finality is realized. This is not to be confused with clinical depression which may be chronic. Depression due to grief is technically episodic even though it may last for a lengthy period of time.

Depression

The fifth stage of grief is acceptance.

This is the point where the person experiencing grief is no longer looking backward to try and recover the life they once had with the deceased or other cause of their grief episode.

It is not to say that they no longer feel the vast array of emotions brought on by their grief, but they are ready to embrace the idea that they are at a new jumping off point in there lives, or at least understand that there is a new beginning on the horizon.

Acceptance

Acceptance should not be confused with healing or recovering from the loss because that would put an enormous amount of pressure on people experiencing grief.

Acceptance is really the beginning of the real healing process. It is the point where recovery becomes about the person left behind and not about the person being mourned.

Emotions can be overwhelming in the midst of grief , so much so that just getting through each day is difficult. During this time it's important to remember that there are no guidelines for the recovery process. People heal in their own time and in their own way.

Getting through the grieving process

Don't be in a hurry to get through the grieving process. Allow yourself to do what you feel you need to do from day to day.

Know that it is not a betrayal to the memory of your loved one to begin the healing process.

Honor your loved one by talking about his or her life and sharing what you will miss the most.

Ask yourself what the deceased would want you to do.

Find a meaning and a purpose for being here.

1) Loss of appetite2) Excessive fatigue and sleep3) Increased physical weakness4) Mental confusion or disorientation 5) Labored breathing6) Social withdrawal7) Changes in urination8) Swelling in the feet and ankles9) Coolness in the tips of the fingers and toes10) Mottled veins

10 signs death is near:

Sources

"Grieving and Healing - 5 Steps to Help You Through the Grieving Process." Senior Living

Older Adult Lifestyle Advice & Information. Web. 30 April. 2012. <http://seniorliving.about.com/od/lifetransitionsaging/a/grieving.htm>.

"Kübler-Ross Model." Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Web. 02 May. 2012. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model>.

Axelrod, Julie. "The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central." Psych Central Trusted Mental Health, Depression, Bipolar, ADHD and Psychology Information . Web. April. 2011. <http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/>.

"Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement." Helpguide.org: Expert, Ad free

Articles Help Empower You with Knowledge, Support & Hope. Web. 30 April. 2012. <http://helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm>.

"Stages." Stages of Grief. Web. 03 May. 2011. <http://www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stages.htm>.

"How to Get through the Grieving Process | EHow.com." EHow | How to Videos, Articles & More

Discover the Expert in You. | EHow.com. Web. 24 April. 2012. <http://www.ehow.com/how_2162735_through-grieving-process.html>.