Family Times Wellington, Winter 2012
Post on 21-Feb-2016
DESCRIPTIONFamily TImes Wellington, Winter 2012
A news magazine and online resource for families www.familytimes.co.nz Find us on Facebook
Wellington, St James Theatre211 Augustwww.ticketek.co.nz
Winter issue 2012 WELLINGTONIS
Doing the best you canShould kids be pushed to be the best or to have fun?
Getting the best out of boys
Handy hints for parenting sons..................................................
2012 Olympic Games!NZ Olympians talk about what
it takes to get to the top..................................................
Win Win Win Competitions
inside this issue
Features4 How to say no You dont always have to say yes5 Getting the best out of boys Handy hints for parenting sons from education consultant Joseph Driessen.6 Doing the best you can Should kids be pushed to be the best or to have fun?8 The importance of breakfast Create healthy habits with a delicious and healthy start to the day.9 Keeping kids energy levels constant Simple food combinations can prolong energy and keep kids brains eager to learn.
10 Kids taking more responsibility Doing chores teaches lifelong habits.11 Baby & Toddler Winter home heating tips to keep baby safe and warm.17 Game on Online billing and kids how to prevent costly downloads.18 2012 OIympic Games We speak with Sophie Pascoe, Tim Carswell and Barbara Kendall about how to get to the top.20 The vege patch New Zealand Gardener of the Year Alan Jones discusses the benefits of having a worm farm, and how to make one.
Comment12 Kids View We ask children if they do things to be the best or for fun.
Resource information10 Parenting Classes 14 Calendar of events 15 Entertainment 15 Winter activities 21 Marketplace 21 School Term Dates
About UsPublisher Robyn Willis
Design & ProductionMoody Shokry
Advert ProductionTarget Press Production Office
Assistant EditorRachel Taniwha
Website EditorFiona Smith
Contributing WritersAlan Jones, Eva Maria, Maureen Chrisp
Tracey - Ann Abery, Crissi Blair,Leigh Elder,Wayne Webb, Joseph Driessen,
Advertising SalesCaren Constable, Shona Robb,Nicky Barnett, Jane Hunter, Tina Barriball,
Katrina WrightOffice Manager
Raelyn HayOffice Assistant
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Nobody dreams of growing up and being average. At least not anybody I know.
But in a society that applauds achievement rather than effort, I have to wonder if our measure of success has become just a little tainted. Is every little ripper rugby player only a hero if he grows up to be an All Black? Is every book-weary student only as good as her last class-topping test?
I hear you all gasping a resounding and shocked no!
Yet, thats the message we get so many times from society. We heap accolades on people who reach their goals of fame or fortune, but forget or even ridicule - those who may have tried equally as hard and failed.
So, in the quest to ensure their children keep mediocrity at bay, some parents push their kids to extremes. Busy time tables, high pressure, rewards for achievement. Some may try to live vicariously through their children, and others may subscribe to Amy Chuas Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother philosophy of not accepting anything less than the best from their children.
On the other hand, do overly libertarian parents disadvantage their children by not instilling a need to succeed? A focus on fun is great to a point, but how effective is it when kids grow up and embark on their corporate ladder climb? I recently read this in a newsletter printed out for teenage school kids:
Your school may be outcome-based, but life isnt. In some schools, youre given as many tries as you want to get the answer right. Standards are set low enough so everyone can meet them. This, of course, bears no
resemblance to anything in real life - as you will soon find out.
I agree completely.
So, is there a happy equilibrium? This edition Family Times assistant editor Rachel Taniwha talks with the experts about the effects that both these parenting strategies have on children, and how to best put your kids on the path to success in life. Check out our main feature on doing the best you can for some great insight into raising healthy and thriving kids.
Also in this issue, John Cowan from The Parenting Place looks at how to encourage responsibility in kids and what discipline is really about. Of course we also have all our regular features, competitions and giveaways, so start turning the pages and most of all:
From the editorStop, pause and think before responding, giving you time and space to consider your response. If youd like more time before answering, say youll need to get back to them at an agreed time.
Remember less is more respond with a succinct statement, then stop talking. Were often uncomfortable with silence and its common to feel the need to fill silence with explanations justifying our decisions. Offer an explanation only if necessary.
If you are worried about hurting someones feelings or letting them down, say no with empathy and understanding, acknowledging your regret at being unable to say yes this time. Let them down gently, but remain firm in your decision.
If someone wont take no for an answer or pressures you to change your decision, use the broken record technique. This simply involves repeating your statement or response until the other person accepts your decision.
If they persist, try distracting them by changing the topic of conversation. Ask open questions, turning the focus back on them or perhaps end the conversation by saying you have to go.
If speaking on the telephone, try holding your hand up when saying no. This action is a powerful visual aid. It helps you feel strong and assertive, even though you may feel nervous or anxious on the inside.
Practise saying no at home or in front of a mirror.
Use visual reminders and positive affirmations, such as I say no without guilt
or explanation or I have strong boundaries between work and family life. Write these down and display in your diary, personal organiser, calendar or fridge.
Remember its okay to say no. If helpful, write down and acknowledge any feelings of guilt, then take action, let them go and move on.
When making a decision, trust your intuition and common sense.
By Karyn RileyKaryn Riley is a Christchurch-based womens wellbeing specialist and author of How to Keep the YOU in Mum, inspirational speaker, writer and mother of two. For more information visit www.rileylife.co.nz.
How to say No without guilt or explanation
I t is worthwhile however to reflect about what research has to tell us about effective parenting for boys. Being authoritativeAn authoritative parent is one who provides
clear positive leadership and who commands respect from their son.
Authoritative parenting involves setting clear goals for your family; involving your children and listening to their point of view, providing help and guidance so that the children can meet their obligations, and loving them not as a friend but as a parent.
Boys thrive when they feel their parents are positive leaders who help them and guide them but expect them to be accountable. Authoritative parental leadership promotes loyalty and cooperation in boys.Providing structureMany boys thrive when they live in a
structured household. This means the household is well organised and predictable, with clear routines and rules that all members abide by. Basically its running a tight ship while still allowing the children freedom within structure. Boys thrive when they know what to expect and where they stand. It gives a strong sense of security, which makes them cooperative. Staying calm and using
fewer wordsBoys have just as many emotions as girls,
but they process them in a different way.
They are more inclined to want to take action rather than to speak and they prefer to go away and think about something rather than engage in a big verbal battle about it. When parents use emotions and words to try and prevail upon their sons often their boys shut down or their aggression is activated. Instead, parents should stay very calm and use brief language and allow their sons time and space to process the message.Using consequences for
accountabilityBoys need to learn to become accountable
for their actions and they need to be taught to keep their word and agreements and to follow the rules of the household. When they try and test the boundaries and prevail against the parent they should be held to account with consequences rather than words and emotions. Boys respect fairness but despise adults who do not follow through.Channelling physical energy
and risk takingMany boys have very physical energy levels
as well as the need to take risks, and the traditional way to channel this energy is through sport, outdoor adventures and the martial arts. Some parents have lost sight of this, and allow their son to become addicted to computer games instead. These parents need to realise that for many boys activities like play-wrestling, games and sport are essential ingredients for growing up into fine young men.
Providing male role modelsMany boys live in a very unbalanced and
unnatural world without the guidance and example of adult men. Men do things differently and have a different take on life, and boys desperately need their guidance, love and support. When this is lacking, many boys become highly insecure, oppositional and frantically macho. These boys need male mentors, and the best parents go out of their way to provide for this. They enlist the help of the boys father, grandfathers and uncles. They enrol boys into sports with male coaches. They tell stories about male heroes and make boys feel good about being a man. Boys with male role models become centred and secure.Linking school with the
world of work Part of the unnatural environment of many
boys is that they dont see adult men working. Boys are surrounded by working women both at home and at school, but deep down they are
searching for their own place in society. Many boys rebel against school because they
do not see the link between school and the work they will do is adult men. Wise parents go out of their way to explain to their sons how school might lead into possible areas of work, and take their son to building sites, universities, workshops and polytechnics to show them the pathways that are available to them. Once boys see the learning pathway, they feel school is relevant and their resistance to school disappears.
We all want to be the best parents we can be. For many of us, however it pays to think more deeply about what kind of parents our children actually need us to be. This applies very much to boys who live in a modern society that does not cater for many of their deepest needs and who need parents who will provide a more balanced environment for them.By Joseph Driessen, education consultant
Driessen speaks to parent and teacher groups about boys education. Email email@example.com.
Getting the best out of boysAll of us as parents do our very best to be the best parent we
can be, and most of us do a pretty good job.
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I ts often the result of many hours of hard work, dedication and encouragement from their parents.
But what about the children who do not win or get the top marks in school? Perhaps they tried just as hard, and their parents are just as proud.
The question is, should results be measured in terms of a grade, a win or loss, or by whether children are having fun? Should parents applaud their childrens efforts no matter how well they perform or push their children hard to excel and to be the best at what they do?
Were well aware of the pressure to excel in sport as New Zealanders. Take the All Blacks for example: they won the Rugby World Cup, but the public pressure to succeed was so intense that there was even a Facebook page dedicated to a riot on the streets if they lost.
What message does this give children? Is it that losing is to be avoided at all costs, or else they face losing the love of their parents - or on a larger scale - the wrath of a nation? On the other hand though, if children arent encouraged to try to be the best, does it result in an underachiever, someone who never really gets ahead in life?
Sport NZ community sport and recreation general manager John Reid sa...