Family Times Wellington, Winter 2012
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DESCRIPTIONFamily TImes Wellington, Winter 2012
A news magazine and online resource for families www.familytimes.co.nz Find us on Facebook
Wellington, St James Theatre211 Augustwww.ticketek.co.nz
Winter issue 2012 WELLINGTONIS
Doing the best you canShould kids be pushed to be the best or to have fun?
Getting the best out of boys
Handy hints for parenting sons..................................................
2012 Olympic Games!NZ Olympians talk about what
it takes to get to the top..................................................
Win Win Win Competitions
inside this issue
Features4 How to say no You dont always have to say yes5 Getting the best out of boys Handy hints for parenting sons from education consultant Joseph Driessen.6 Doing the best you can Should kids be pushed to be the best or to have fun?8 The importance of breakfast Create healthy habits with a delicious and healthy start to the day.9 Keeping kids energy levels constant Simple food combinations can prolong energy and keep kids brains eager to learn.
10 Kids taking more responsibility Doing chores teaches lifelong habits.11 Baby & Toddler Winter home heating tips to keep baby safe and warm.17 Game on Online billing and kids how to prevent costly downloads.18 2012 OIympic Games We speak with Sophie Pascoe, Tim Carswell and Barbara Kendall about how to get to the top.20 The vege patch New Zealand Gardener of the Year Alan Jones discusses the benefits of having a worm farm, and how to make one.
Comment12 Kids View We ask children if they do things to be the best or for fun.
Resource information10 Parenting Classes 14 Calendar of events 15 Entertainment 15 Winter activities 21 Marketplace 21 School Term Dates
About UsPublisher Robyn Willis
Design & ProductionMoody Shokry
Advert ProductionTarget Press Production Office
Assistant EditorRachel Taniwha
Website EditorFiona Smith
Contributing WritersAlan Jones, Eva Maria, Maureen Chrisp
Tracey - Ann Abery, Crissi Blair,Leigh Elder,Wayne Webb, Joseph Driessen,
Advertising SalesCaren Constable, Shona Robb,Nicky Barnett, Jane Hunter, Tina Barriball,
Katrina WrightOffice Manager
Raelyn HayOffice Assistant
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Nobody dreams of growing up and being average. At least not anybody I know.
But in a society that applauds achievement rather than effort, I have to wonder if our measure of success has become just a little tainted. Is every little ripper rugby player only a hero if he grows up to be an All Black? Is every book-weary student only as good as her last class-topping test?
I hear you all gasping a resounding and shocked no!
Yet, thats the message we get so many times from society. We heap accolades on people who reach their goals of fame or fortune, but forget or even ridicule - those who may have tried equally as hard and failed.
So, in the quest to ensure their children keep mediocrity at bay, some parents push their kids to extremes. Busy time tables, high pressure, rewards for achievement. Some may try to live vicariously through their children, and others may subscribe to Amy Chuas Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother philosophy of not accepting anything less than the best from their children.
On the other hand, do overly libertarian parents disadvantage their children by not instilling a need to succeed? A focus on fun is great to a point, but how effective is it when kids grow up and embark on their corporate ladder climb? I recently read this in a newsletter printed out for teenage school kids:
Your school may be outcome-based, but life isnt. In some schools, youre given as many tries as you want to get the answer right. Standards are set low enough so everyone can meet them. This, of course, bears no
resemblance to anything in real life - as you will soon find out.
I agree completely.
So, is there a happy equilibrium? This edition Family Times assistant editor Rachel Taniwha talks with the experts about the effects that both these parenting strategies have on children, and how to best put your kids on the path to success in life. Check out our main feature on doing the best you can for some great insight into raising healthy and thriving kids.
Also in this issue, John Cowan from The Parenting Place looks at how to encourage responsibility in kids and what discipline is really about. Of course we also have all our regular features, competitions and giveaways, so start turning the pages and most of all:
From the editorStop, pause and think before responding, giving you time and space to consider your response. If youd like more time before answering, say youll need to get back to them at an agreed time.
Remember less is more respond with a succinct statement, then stop talking. Were often uncomfortable with silence and its common to feel the need to fill silence with explanations justifying our decisions. Offer an explanation only if necessary.
If you are worried about hurting someones feelings or letting them down, say no with empathy and understanding, acknowledging your regret at being unable to say yes this time. Let them down gently, but remain firm in your decision.
If someone wont take no for an answer or pressures you to change your decision, use the broken record technique. This simply involves repeating your statement or response until the other person accepts your decision.
If they persist, try distracting them by changing the topic of conversation. Ask open questions, turning the focus back on them or perhaps end the conversation by saying you have to go.
If speaking on the telephone, try holding your hand up when saying no. This action is a powerful visual aid. It helps you feel strong and assertive, even though you may feel nervous or anxious on the inside.
Practise saying no at home or in front of a mirror.
Use visual reminders and positive affirmations, such as I say no without guilt
or explanation or I have strong boundaries between work and family life. Write these down and display in your diary, personal organiser, calendar or fridge.
Remember its okay to say no. If helpful, write down and acknowledge any feelings of guilt, then take action, let them go and move on.
When making a decision, trust your intuition and common sense.
By Karyn RileyKaryn Riley is a Christchurch-based womens wellbeing specialist and author of How to Keep the YOU in Mum, inspirational speaker, writer and mother of two. For more information visit www.rileylife.co.nz.
How to say No without guilt or explanation
I t is worthwhile however to reflect about what research has to tell us about effective parenting for boys. Being authoritativeAn authoritative parent is one who provides
clear positive leadership and who commands respect from their son.
Authoritative parenting involves setting clear goals for your family; involving your children and listening to their point of view, providing help and guidance so that the children can meet their obligations, and loving them not as a friend but as a parent.
Boys thrive when they feel their parents are positive leaders who help them and guide them but expect them to be accountable. Authoritative parental leadership promotes loyalty and cooperation in boys.Providing structureMany boys thrive when they live in a
structured household. This means the household is well organised and predictable, with clear routines and rules that all members abide by. Basically its running a tight ship while still allowing the children freedom within structure. Boys thrive when they know what to expect and where they stand. It gives a strong sense of security, which makes them cooperative. Staying calm and usin