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Colleen Beasley

Ms. Hensley

English 102

6 December 2013

Effects of Children's Gender in Marital Instability

In today's society, divorce has become such a regular occurrence, it seems as though dis-

cussions of the topic have been recycled and lost their stimulating edge. Divorce has trans-

formed from a rare occurrence to a first option when there’s difficulty in a marriage. The ending

of a marriage wreaks havoc upon family and is especially difficult for children. Research and

evidence provides mixed results of how divorce can lead to mental, and sometimes physical,

damage amongst the children involved. However, it is possible that children may increase the

risk of marital instability. This may appear shocking, considering children may factor as an

equivalently detrimental cause to marital instability compared to stress overload, differentiating

views, and poor communication. And yet, it is plausible that children might play an impacting

role during a couple's wavering relationship. The question then arises; does the gender of a child

affect the instability of a marriage, which could possibly even lead to divorce? Various theories

support the suppositions that daughters contribute more to marital destruction than sons, and

there is evidential data that defends this statement.

Many components, such as financial strain, political or religious differences, miscommu-

nications, and inequality in marriage or parenting roles affect a divorce, but the effect of children

on a marriage must also be taken into account. Studies have shown evidence from former cases

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which physical abuse may result from the tedious process of divorce. However, the emotional

damage of a divorce can prove to be equally harmful, leaving some children depressed, anxious,

or having trouble developing trust within a relationship. Many people know the harmful impact

of a divorce, and most attempt to prevent the situation. However, parents may not know that the

gender of their child might present more factors that contribute towards divorce. The question

remains, are daughters or sons more detrimental, or equally detrimental, to the bond of a mar-

riage?

The question will be explored by examining several aspects. First, details of failing mar-

riages will be provided as a possible explanation for divorces. Various studies and records will

be viewed as evidence supporting the theory that sons are preferred, and how high risk of divorce

is associated with daughters. Theories and explanation will be derived from an international

composition of information rather than one specific country. The traditional history of son pref-

erence will be discussed, specifically highlighted in rural towns of China where the favoritism

for sons has been a large part of the culture. Other contradictory explanations will provide a new

perspective on the topic. Additional factors will be mentioned as they may provide extra empha-

sis on the different hypotheses. Furthermore, the main importance behind this issue will be con-

cluded by discussing the variety of ways to avoid divorce through family counseling.

As the famous nursery rhyme goes, “Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything

nice. Boys are made of snips and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails.” Could this be metaphorically

accurate? Although girls may be made of sugar and spice, they could actually cause more harm

than boys in a deteriorating marriage. Using statistics and additional evidence, many studies

have tested and compared results which claim sons are less likely to cause parental separation in

a family. Such studies suggest the level of happiness parents experience in the United States in-

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creases with sons; more couples have accredited their strong, happy marriage due to their son.

Several polls in the United States between 1941 and 2003 surveyed parents finding consistent

feedback of parents claiming if they could keep one child, they would rather it be their son rather

than their daughter. Data from additional countries also point to the same results; a 1997 Inter-

national Gallup poll confirmed 13 out of 16 countries surveyed favored sons over daughters

(Leigh 353). Facts derived from the United States census have shown more divorces occur when

daughters are in the family when compared to sons (Leonghardt). Of course, the divorces could

have been affected from an assortment of factors, but the same observation has been consistent

throughout the world. Reports are being recorded on an international level, in which multiple

countries are reaching the same conclusion. The number of girls in a family increases the risk for

divorce. This gap is wide in Mexico and Colombia, and it continues to escalate in Kenya. In

Vietnam, marriages with girl children are 25 percent more likely to fail than if the children were

boys (Overington 10). An Australian article also cited that “[i]n the USA, parents with daughters

are more likely to divorce if they are married at the time of the birth and less likely to marry if

they are unmarried at the time of the birth.” (Leigh 351). Also, an article revealed how “di-

vorced women with girls are substantially less likely to remarry than divorced women with

boys.” This emphasizes how daughters make remarriage more challenging on their mother.

Daughters not only create a higher risk of martial separation, but they also make it increasingly

difficult for a second marriage (Overington 10). In addition, a study was conducted in India

which explored the favoritism of sons and their decreased risk for divorce. Statistics from

116,498 former married mothers formed data for the 1992-1993 and the 1998-1999 Indian Na-

tional Health Survey provided evidence to support the claim that “having at least one son is asso-

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ciated with a significantly lower risk for divorce or separation,” and once again proved there is a

reduced risk of sons in a marriage that is struggling (Bose).

Another study was conducted by Gordon Dahl (Overington 10), which concluded couples

with a girl are five percent more likely to result in divorce than if they had a son. This statistic

continued to increase as the number of daughters increased: a couple with two daughters is eight

percent more likely to end in divorce than with two boys, and the percent increases to 13 percent

when the number of children increases to three. The risk of divorce is correlated to the number

of daughters within a family. Although the statistics do not appear to be significant, they could

mean the difference between marriage and divorce, between physical or emotional damage and

living a normal life. These statistics were based on 6 million mothers, derived from the United

States census dating back 60 years ago, therefore leaving very little room for a miscalculation.

"We don’t know," Dahl claims. "All we can say is that couples with girls get di-

vorced more often than couples with boys. We also know that couples who have all boys

have the lowest rate of divorce, and that couples with all girls have the highest rate of di-

vorce. And we know that couples who have girls, and then go on to have a boy, have a

lower rate of divorce than couples who have only girls. We have some ideas why this

might be, but we can’t know for sure" (Overington 10).

Dahl’s theory: there is an old tradition of desiring a male heir – someone who will carry on the

family name. This theory suggests that fathers spend more time with their son, resulting in a

more developed and stronger bond. Data derived from a Current Population Survey conducted by

researchers in June of 1980 attributed the fact that daughter cause more divorces due to the

“higher involvement of fathers in raising a son, which in turn promotes marital stability” (Diek-

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mann and Schmidheiny 651). But perhaps this is rather contradicting, because the same argu-

ment could be made with the relationship of a mother and daughter. However, there are argu-

ments stating that women with daughters may leave the marriage to protect the daughter from

their perceived image of a bad father (Overington). This is a reasonable argument based on the

outcome of an investigation which indicated “that residential fathers may have meaningful im-

pact on young children’s competence with peers” and the duty of a mother would be to protect

her child from the bad influences of the father (Meece).

The relationship of the father to the son must be examined, for there are many theories

that highlight the father’s role as a necessary element towards a healthy marriage. Fathers more

prominently are involved in family activities as a figure of guidance towards young boys. “In

general, men’s preference for sons is stronger than women’s preference for sons” (Leigh 353).

That being said, based on the father’s active role in a family, the mother’s ideology of divorce

will vary. Researchers completed a model which studied the difference a father’s involvement

influenced a mothers view on possible marital separation. The evidence proved the gender of a

child alters the father’s role, which is related to the amount of father participation in the family,

and proceeded to influence the mother’s perception of divorce. In short, the more a father en-

gages in his family, the less the chance for divorce. And, because men engage less with their

daughters, there is a higher risk for parental separation, relative to sons. A reliable source shared

how “Fathers in families with boys were more engaged with their children, which was associated

with mothers perceiving less disadvantage in the marital relationship and a lower likelihood of

separation.” Through this statement, the point conveyed the father as an important influence to

their sons, thus postulating a stronger relationship between paternal participation (Katzev,

Warner, and Acock 89). “For boys, fathers are the most powerful models and transmitters of

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cultural norms of male behavior,” and fathers are the prominent male figure to raise them (Weins

16).

This then produces the question: why are fathers more engaged in activity with a son

compared to a daughter? Could this be due to the age-old preference for sons than daughters?

There has been a lifelong tradition of fathers showing favoritism to sons, often producing multi-

ple girls in order to eventually obtain a son. Sons were able to help their father with manual la-

bor, and contribute to the income of the family; whereas, the expectations for girls was little to

none. In today’s society, the father in a typical family passes his knowledge and interests on

down to his son, such as sports teams and “manly advice”. Because the father is of the opposite

gender than his daughter, he does not know or understand some of the struggles the girl is experi-

encing. This may appear to weaken the bond between father and daughter, as the father may feel

helpless in assisting his daughter.

In addition to multiple studies and reports, different factors may present supporting evi-

dence to the theory of gender influence in a divorce. Boys and girls are complex, and their ac-

tions, behavior, and attitude contribute to stress level and impact their parents differently based

on their gender. One factor that alters the stability in a marriage is cost efficiency. Money, when

mismanaged, can be a very serious issue, and can lead to strain on the proper way to keep it

maintained. According to Andrew Leigh, his research has lead him to the analysis of the differ-

ential cost hypothesis. Based on his findings, he discovered that this hypothesis highlights the

difference between costs from the opposing sexes. The United States of America and Australia

both present justification that confirms girls are more expensive than boys (Leigh 355). Each

family has different needs, but girls generally purchase necessary feminine hygiene products

which are costs related to needs that are exclusive to girls. In addition, extra costs of medication

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such as birth control and pain medication for abdominal cramps put girls at a natural disadvan-

tage for higher expenses. While males only need to purchase undergarments for the bottom

torso, women need both the chest coverage of bras in addition to undergarments. Society has

also declared the trend of make-up a social norm and it has become the common practice of pur-

chasing and applying make-up or nail polish in an attempt to enhance one’s beauty. In the past,

it was traditionally the girls’ parents who were expected to cover most, if not all, the expenses

for a wedding. However, in America, boys suffer from the generalization of their sex when it

comes to insurance. Many insurance policies are gender bias and charge boys more for cover-

age. For example, when attaining car insurance, males pay more because they are statically more

probable to drive hazardously as compared to females. In addition, males are suspected not to

live as long as females, and therefore must pay more money for health insurance costs. And yet,

because many boys do not usually attain insurance until they are old enough to move out of the

house, away from the care and protection of their parents, the extra costs of boys insurance may

not affect the parents of sons as much as the compounding expenses it requires to raise a daugh-

ter.

Another disadvantage of having girls is the threat of dealing with teenage pregnancy.

Having a child is a huge responsibility, and one should be prepared for it rather than “having an

accident”. Many teenagers who do not use the proper steps to use contraception while having

sexual intercourse will often suffer the consequences of becoming fertile. For some happy

teenage couples, this could be viewed as a blessing. However, most teenage pregnancies are un-

intentional, and can lead to a variety of issues. Commitment from both parents of the unborn

child is essential. Girls are, in most cases, left to look after the baby. It is the father’s decision to

choose to stay and support the mother or not. Only two out of ten males marry the mother of

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their child, while the other eight either remain with the mother but choose not to marry or they

simply desert the mother and leave her on her own with the child (“Know the Facts”). In this

case, the teenage mother needs the support of her friends and family. Because the father is not

carrying the child, he has the possibility to leave on his own and still manage to become success-

ful, leaving the mother and her family to the responsibility of raising the baby. A parent’s reac-

tion to teen pregnancy may be compiled of a wide variety of emotions. Some parents may be

calm, collected, and even welcoming to the new child that will be brought into their life, making

them a grandparent. Others may be sad or depressed, often blaming themselves from their

child’s mistake. In the most harmful cases, parents eject the daughter, or son, from the house-

hold, banishing them or ostracizing them from the family. The daughter, because she is the one

carrying the child, is often blamed for the accidental pregnancy. “Too often, society blames only

the girl for getting pregnant,” said UNFPA Executive Director Babatunde Osotimehin (“Mother-

hood in Childhood”). Because the daughter is carrying the child, she is often blamed for the lack

of responsibility. The parent of the daughter must cope with all of the pregnant symptoms such

as mood swings and medical examinations. This effect can lead to financial strain and heated

disagreements on how to handle the situation. The parents are held accountable for their child’s

actions, which can label a family in a harmful, negative way. The heavy burden of raising a

grandchild, mixed with the financial stress, guilt or anger, all while continuing to guide a

teenager through adulthood creates stress within the family and increases the strain within a mar-

riage.

Recently, Benjamin L. Hankin, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the University

of South Carolina, Columbia shared how girls "are experiencing more interpersonal stress, and

when they experience more of the stress, they exhibit more depressive symptoms than boys do,"

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which can lead to medication, therapy, and the complex process of coping with the symptoms

(Doheny). Anything that affects a child, or what a child may cause, has an effect on the relation-

ship of a marriage. Parents are charged with the care of their children, and they must struggle

through their children's anxiety as a role of parenting. Still, the burden may cause strenuous atti-

tudes between spouses and could develop an argument as strain takes its toll. In this sense,

daughter are not only stressing themselves out, but they are always placing it on other family

members, especially the undirected effects towards the parents. Boys do not stress out as much

because they are able to cope with pressure in an easier manner. Hankin explained, "If there is a

romantic fight between a boy and a girl, on average, a girl will respond with more depression. A

boy will go distract himself" (Doheny). Based on his explanation, the boys cope with stress

through sports or other activities that keep their mind off of the issue. Girls often need counsel-

ing, whether it is talking with a friend or seeking refuge in the feedback from their parents.

These conclusions cannot be directed towards all families, but on average they are accurately

recorded.

Although many studies have statistically provided evidence how sons are less likely to

cause marital instability within a marriage, other factors may sway the perception of a child. Ed-

ucation may, in fact, highlight the advantages of girls when contributing to the divorce decision

between a couple. “Today, it seems that girls are winning the academic race and the gender gap”

and girls proceed to pave the path in academics (Wiens 11). The new gender gap refers to the

difference between performances of the opposite sex within academic settings. Before women

gained equal rights, they were not viewed as intelligent or possessing the capability of being

prestigious in the classroom. However, the modern era has changed the view of women and so-

ciety has raised expectations. Higher expectations combined with the state of welfare have

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raised hope in women in education, and caused an increase in educational achievements (Marks

93). It is now reported that there is “rapidly surfacing evidence that girls are outperforming boys

on almost every measure of academic success” (Wiens 11). Girls’ high academic performance

contributes less to issues in school, and avoids the need for parents to worry about the complica-

tions of getting their child to complete their schoolwork. Therefore, boys are more detrimental

to their parents’ marriage, and education proves to reduce the risk of girls causing divorce.

Another benefit for girls is the common adoption rates of daughters from orphanages in

the United States. Although it is not stated whether or not more girls currently reside in orphan-

ages than boys, there has been data that appears to show the adoption of girls far exceeds the

numbers of boys. The amount of requested girls in United States orphanages tallied in between

70 and 90 percent, unlike for the boys who had a mere ten to 30 percent. In 1998, 2000, and

2001, all United States Foster Care Services reported the same ratio of 48 percent of girls and 52

percent of boys waiting in orphanages for adoption. For those years, this data confirms how

even though there were more boys than girls awaiting adoption; girls were still the preferred gen-

der. Also from the United States Foster Care Services between the years 1971 and 2001, the av-

erage percent of girls adopted came in at a total of 64 percent and the boys followed with only 36

percent. These ratios are only applicable to the United States and have not been updated re-

cently, but there is no hiding the main objective of these statistics; girls are more preferred in

adoptions rather than boys. How does this affect martial instability? Considering more families

desire girls during the adoption process, it can be concluded that girls do not cause as much

strain on a marriage as they were thought to believe (“Gender Preference in the United States”).

The gender preference within families may appear to be irrelevant; however, there are

many issues that are associated with the discovery of a child’s gender. As it was explained in the

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article "Son Preference and Household Income in Rural China", different households in China

were evaluated to gather information to determine if there was a difference of income among

families with sons or daughters. As a result, it was determined the families which contained sons

raised the income levels exceeding the families with daughters. On average, there was a raise in

income of families with three or more children when the last child was a son. In addition, there

are fewer single-child, daughter only families compared to sons. The unequal balance is shown

to cause a wide gender gap in the population of China, which could socioeconomically affect

certain countries, especially China. Many other Asian countries, as well as other rural and some

underdeveloped countries, are experiencing the same phenomenon. For China, the reasoning has

mainly been due to the ancient Chinese tradition of preferring sons over daughters. The tradi-

tions of male inheritance may continue to affect the desire for a son. “Mothers’ favoring of their

sons is likely to reflect the greater support in old age that they expect from their sons than from

their daughters” (Knight, Shi, and Quheng 1788). More expectations have been placed on the

son, as they are the ones to attend the needs of their parents during retirement and old age. The

daughter is viewed as the one to marry into another family. Therefore, parents place greater em-

phasis on obtaining a son. The desire for a son may have consequences, with the assistance of

the developed machinery that allows a couple to view the sex of their child through ultrasound

technology. Once discovering the sex of the unborn child, the fetus may be removed in the sur-

gical procedure leading to infanticide. “Parents have had to accept the gender of their only child.

Parents with a daughter may well have been relatively unhappy, but they have had limited scope

to remedy their perceived ill-fortune” (Knight, Shi, and Quheng 1786). Sadly, one of the only

ways to resolve this “problem” is to commit legalized murder through an abortion. The article

states that the ultrasound technology is used to “identify the sex of unborn children and the abor-

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tion of girls, or unequal child care causing higher infant and child morality of girls” (Knight, Shi,

and Quheng 1790). China is not the only country to perform abortions and end the lives of un-

born, unwanted children. Abortion is a widely controversial topic, in which everyone forms their

own conclusion. However, is it humane or moral to sacrifice a child’s life, simply because the

sex of the child was not the preferred gender?

Many Asian countries are associated with gender preference, and are exposed to abortion

because of it. And yet, there has been data that has provided the opposite view within the United

States. Approximately 77 percent of all abortions in America proceed during week ten of the

fertility process. This is important because the gender during this week of the pregnancy is un-

recognizable, and there is no possible solution to discover the true gender of the unborn fetus.

During the following two weeks, weeks 11 and 12, the amount of abortions reduced down to 12

percent. During this time, it is nearly impossible to know the gender of a child, but occasionally

the gender may be discovered. Week 13 through week 15 decreased to six percent and fell to

four percent during weeks 16 through 20. Typically, it is not until week 20 when an ultrasound

is performed and the gender of a child may be discovered. Only one percent of all abortions in

the United States ensue after week 20. Plausibly, only five percent of abortions in the United

States occur due to the knowledge of the sex of a child. Although the abortion issue is less of a

risk due to the preference of a specific gender of a child, the ability of a specific gender of a child

may still yet cause strain within a marriage that could inevitably lead to separation. The website

did not fail to mention the gender of aborted fetuses was higher with girls than boys. The

amount of girl fetuses aborted was at 42 percent where the boys was a smaller 25 percent. This

was an average for abortions recorded worldwide, mainly from Asia, rather than from the United

States alone (“Gender Preference in the United States”).

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There has been a large gathering of evidence supporting the gender of a child does, in

fact, affect the outcome of a marriage. And yet, many collections of data appear to counter the

previous postulated theories. Due to the accumulation of data from five Australian censuses, a

trend discovered “parents with two children of the same sex are 1.7 percentage points less likely

to be married than parents with a boy and a girl” (Leigh 359). This statement is inconsistent with

the theories that examine preference of sons over daughters. Contrary to other theories, the facts

shown from the censuses point to the conclusion that parents in Australia could be equally at risk

for separation with an equal gender mix of children as a son or daughter separately. In this out-

look, the mixed-gender preference of children truly could affect the relationship outcome of a

marriage. It was also mentioned in the article how it is plausible for parents to be apprehensive

because of the sex combination of their kids. Similar to the other arguments, if a couple prefers a

child of a specific gender, and discovers through an ultrasound that the sex was not what they

hoped for, the outcome could be just as disastrous to a marriage, either ending through divorce or

managed through an abortion (Leigh 357). Conversely, it was reported as a key finding on a reli-

able article how “mixed-gender families divorce less often than families with only girls” (Over-

ington 10). Not only does this examination counter the previous theory of how mixed-gender

children in families can be the cause of most divorces, but it also proves that girls indeed place

the highest risk of insecurity within marriages. It is overall better to have children of mixed-gen-

der or all sons; either way, having all daughters seem to place the highest risk of divorce upon

marriages.

The topic raises a moral question of how adopting out a daughter may seem repulsive to

some cultures, but it may be a factor to try to lower the rate of divorces. The thought of aban-

doning a young girl due to her sex, which she had no control over, could either be frowned upon

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or could be said that it is advantageous where marital dynamics are concerned. After all, daugh-

ters appear to cause most divorces within a marriage, so could the riddance of them in the house-

hold prove to be beneficial for the culture? Although this question is beyond the scope if this pa-

per, the topic may prove well to be evaluated in further research.

There are countless other factors that might influence a gender bias, and therefore create

additional pressure on a marriage because of children's sex. Such possibilities may include

sports, extracurricular activities, health influences, and other additional expenses. Divorce is

mainly attributed to the faults caused by the difference in the way each spouse views situations.

Marriage itself is hard, but becoming a parent is even more strenuous. On top of a marriage, par-

ents need to be responsible for another human being. The combination of the two may seem al-

most impossible to manage, and divorce is initiated. However, based on the research, studies,

data, and other examinations collected and analyzed, the gender of a child affects the instability

of a marriage. Many results returned the same conclusion that parents who have sons are at less

risk for divorce, as compared to the parents with daughters. There was contradicting evidence

that did not support this theory. Girls have a higher level of academic achievement than boys,

and the adoption rates of girls exceeds the amount of boys in orphanages throughout the United

States. Nevertheless, the data does not lie. Although researchers cannot attribute one specific

reason, they are able to determine that boys do not contribute as much toward marital instability

than girls. This is accredited to countless censuses, polls of preferential treatment between chil-

dren, the risk factor girls bring for teenage pregnancy, and the higher cost of raising a daughter.

In addition, it is easier for daughters to become anxious and develop depression, which can also

inflict agitation on the parents. The topic of how the gender of a child affects a marriage relates

to many issues the world continues to encounter. The preference of children created an unequal

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balance in the population of gender levels in certain countries around the world. The population

difference could possibly lead to a large gap of inequality between the sexes. Also, the more di-

vorces that occur, the higher the number of children are relocated to an orphanage. Divorces not

only break apart a marriage, but the bond of a family as a whole. They cause emotional and

sometimes physical damage to children, and it could establish bad examples of role models for

the children to respect. Perhaps, instead of separating when life becomes hard and situations are

challenging, spouses need to work together as a parental unit and cope with the stresses of their

life, which may be immensely caused by their children. Parents need to teach good habits to

children early and be prepared for the difficult job of raising a child. If stress levels rise and the

children place a great hazard on a failing marriage, family counseling may help guide the

spouses together. Sons are the best gender of child for a stable marriage, followed by families

with mixed-gender children. Lastly, all girl children cause the most severe risk for contributing

instability in a marriage and increasing the likelihood of marital separation. This is not to say that

there will be exceptions. Due to the compound information from multiple different studies,

along with additional influences, it is logical to conclude the theory that daughters are the main

cause of instability within a marriage, and when compared to sons, increase the likelihood of di-

vorce.