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Dealing with anger

By JOHN HATCHERContributing Writer

The sixth commandment is simpleenough, “You shall not murder”(Exodus 20:13). This commandmentdoes not reference war or capitalpunishment. It refers to a personal actof brutality. No one has the right totake the law into his own hands. Noone person has the right to depriveanother of his life. Of course, extenuating circumstances often changethe penalty for committing murder, i.e., self-defense.

Most of us can live out all our days without violating the sixthcommandment. Or, can we? Think of the Ten Commandments as anoutline of life, the way we should live our lives. When Jesus camepreaching, he filled in the outline, making it clear and plain the kind oflives we should live.

Jesus felt the Sixth Commandment needed some filling in. So, whilepreaching the greatest sermon ever preached, The Sermon on theMount, Jesus made reference to the old law against murder. He thenclarified it when he pointed out that anger was brought into suspicionby the commandment against murder. Where does murder begin?

The Message Bible paraphrases Matthew 5:21f: “You’re familiar withthe command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I am telling you thatanyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty ofmurder.”

Anger is serious business. It’s the root of murder. Everyone gets angrymany times in one’s life. It’s a natural emotional response to certaincircumstances and people in life. The Bible counsels each of us, “Donot let the sun go down on your anger.” If the Bible counsels us onwhat to do with anger, then it is assumed that God made us ascreatures that get angry. Someone who does not get angry at somepoint in his life is not real.

While in a pastoral care course in seminary, I picked up on a quickiehandle to anger. First, we must “name” the anger. I served on staffwith a minister who typically was very calm about most situations.But, as the staff took a seminar on relationships, I discovered that hiscode word for anger was the word “concerned.” When he said he was“concerned” about a matter, he was really saying he was angry abouta matter. Code words aside, we must name it when we are angry.Many marriages would be strengthened if one spouse could say to theother, “I am angry with you.”

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The next step in the quickie guide is claiming your anger. Name it.Now, claim it. It’s your anger and nobody else’s. You have to get to theplace where you realize that you are the one with the problem. Othersmay be completely unaware of your anger. So, after you name it, claimit. Once you claim your anger, then you can go about doing somethingwith it.

Next, after naming and claiming it, aim it. Where is your angerdirected? No one can be angry just at the world. Anger is usuallydirected at three targets: yourself, someone else, or God. Anger can’tbe directed to something inanimate. A chair has never ticked anyoneoff. Falling over the chair, however, can create an instant case of angerat your clumsy self.

As one of God’s representatives, I can tell you that it’s okay to beangry with God. He’s a big boy and can handle it. In fact, angerdirected at God can be considered an expression of faith. If you areangry with God, tell him and tell him why. He may shed some light onyour confusion.

If you are angry at someone else, tell him or her. No one can get itright unless they know they had it wrong in the first place. If you areangry with yourself because of some stupid thing you did, get honestwith yourself.

So, you have named it, claimed it, and aimed it. The next step in ourquickie plan is most crucial: you have to decide whether you are goingto flame it or tame it. To flame it, you get out your blow torch andburn everyone in sight. You kick the cat. You pop off to your boss.You have a few choice signals as you drive home from work on aclogged interstate. Of course, flaming your anger only makes mattersworse.

To tame your anger, you make conscious decisions about how to besthandle your problem. It may call for you to explain to someone thereason you are upset. It may be that you need to apologize sincerelyfor an inappropriate behavior. Taming anger prevents the sun fromgoing down on your anger. You tame it and put it to bed properly.

So you thought you had come clean of any culpability of the SixthCommandment? But what about that temper and that attendant anger?How many hours is left before the sun does down?

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