crescent magazine april 2010

crescent

In the Know:Helping students understand the activity fee

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April 2010 n uecrescentmagazine.com

University of Evansville

magazine

College Culture Upfront

THE DOMINO EFFECT

Convenience vs. Conservation

Taking a look at UE from a new perspective

DIFFERENT NOT DISABLED

Feel Like Giving?We Do!

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INSIDE 3 The Cubicle 4 Liberal Conscience

5 Spotlight6 In the Know

8 Through the Lens 10 Snapshot

12 Environment 16 Disabilities

20 Sexplanation22 Off the Wall

How to...24 Wildcard

24 Janky vs. Juicy26 Health & Fitness

27 Beauty & Fashion28 Cheap Dates

29 Crossword30 Eats & Sidedish

31 Nightlife32 Schitzengiggles

APRIL 2010contents uecrescentmagazine.com

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Different not Disabled

Students with disabilities are battling obstacles that

can easily go unnoticed

Books, Brains & A Bit of LuckLearn what it takes to be one of UE’s brightest

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“I would like to take all the credit for my

grades, but I really just have a good memory.”

—Justin Moore, page 10

SpotlightSenior Keegan Dennis

pitches his thoughts about John Mayer,

Frosties and one-uppers

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15The Domino EffectDiscover easy ways to take care of Mother Earth

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24 Puff Puff Pass Learn about Evansville’s smoking hot hookah lounge

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2 Crescent Magazine l April 2010

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3April 2010 l Crescent Magazine

EDITORIALWriting Director: Peter Hanscom

Writing Editor: Lauren OliverDepartments Editor: Josh Fletcher

Assignment Editor: Jennifer StinnettColumnists: Regan Campbell, Monica Krause

Contributing Writers: Michael Cowl, Brennan Girdler, Kent Johnson, Mindy Kurtz, Megan Merley, Heather Powell, Amanda Squire, Kate Wood

CREATIVECreative Director: Sylvia Seib

Assistant Creative Director: Jamie WillhelmPhoto Editor: Alaina Neal

Designers: Jennifer McKee, Jessica Siddens Illustrator: Courtney Hostetler

Contributing Photographer: Sunny Johnson

EDITINGEditing Director: Allison Butler

Web Content Editor: Kristin BenzingerCopy Editor: Lacey Conley

WEB SITE DESIGN & PRODUCTIONWeb Director: James Will

Web Designer: Suzy Maiers

MARKETING & SALESMarketing Director: Chase Schletzer

Advertising Sales Manager: Chris WatkinsAdvertising Design Manager: Melissa Weisman

Advertising Designers: Tiffany Conroy, Sarah Powell, Amanda Topper

HOW TO CONTACT US:Address: 1800 Lincoln Avenue, Evansville, Ind. 47722

Phone: (812) 488–2846FAX: (812) 488–2224

E-mail: [email protected] & Sales: (812) 488–2221 and 488–2223

Advertising E-mail: [email protected]: Mar-Kel Quick Print, Newburgh, Ind.

crescentMAGAZINE

CRESCENT MAGAZINE is UE’s student magazine. It is written, edited and

designed by students, and distributed seven times during the academic year.

The magazine is funded through advertising revenue and a subscription

fee paid on behalf of students by SGA. Circulation is 1,750. © 2010 Student

Publications, University of Evansville.

Editorial Policy. Commentary expressed in unsigned editorial pieces

represent a consensus opinion of Crescent Magazine’s Editorial Board. All other

columns, articles and advertising are not necessarily the opinion of the Editorial

Board or other members of the magazine’s staff.

Letter Submissions. E-mail your letters to crescentmagazine@evansville.

edu and write “letter” in the subject line. Crescent Magazine welcomes letters

from members of the UE community, but material the Editorial Board regards

as libelous, malicious and/or obscene will not be published. Letters should not

exceed 400 words. For verification, letters must include the author’s name, year

in school or title and e-mail address. Crescent Magazine will not print anonymous

letters or those letters that cannot be verified. Letters may be edited for length,

style, grammar and spelling. They may also appear on uecrescentmagazine.com.

{ }SMOKING.

Everyone knows nicotine is highly addictive and that the multiple carcin-ogens found in cigarette smoke can lead to numerous health problems and diseases. But smoking is not illegal in the United States, so if you decide to smoke, that is your choice.

Many places — bars, restaurants, stadiums and workplaces among them — have either volunteered or been forced in recent years to become smoke free. UE is not a smoke-free campus, and we are not recommending that it become one. But to keep smokers and nonsmokers happy, it seems a few changes need to occur.

UE policy states that smokers on campus must be at least 10 feet away from buildings when smoking. Truthfully, if this rule were enforced, almost every smoker on campus would be in violation.

Smokers, especially when the weather is inclement, smoke where it’s most comfortable and convenient. This tends to be right outside the doors to campus buildings, where overhangs shield smokers from the elements. En-trances such as those to Ridgway Center and the School of Business Admin-istration near Sampson Hall cater to smokers because they offer a modicum of shelter when the weather turns nasty.

Doorways also happen to be where most ashtrays are located. Again, this is understandable, but it also seems to be a contradiction to the policy estab-lished by UE. If it is rainy and cold, and an entrance to a building offers pro-tection along with an ashtray, can you blame smokers for taking advantage of them?

Unfortunately, all those entryways where most smokers linger are the same entryways nonsmokers use. But it is unfair to place all the blame on smokers. Granted, smokers make the decision to smoke, but if UE’s policy was written to keep smokers away from building entrances, why haven’t ar-eas been created where there is some comfort and convenience for those who choose to smoke? If you were a smoker and saw a location that was covered, close to a doorway and accompanied by an ashtray, wouldn’t you smoke there?

While there are some placed in spots away from building entrances, ash-trays are typically located by entryways to prevent smokers from tossing cig-arette butts on the ground. That makes perfect sense. But if smokers are in essence being directed to doorways, how can they be at fault? Keeping ash-trays at building entrances is necessary. If they aren’t there, littering will un-doubtedly become a problem. But without designated covered areas for smokers — those places on campus where smokers can get away from the rain, wind and snow — and find an ashtray — the others will be used.

It seems that as long as UE continues to allow smoking on campus, it needs to find a solution to the problem. Many dislike smoking because it smells bad. Others may be concerned about being exposed to secondhand smoke, although it’s unlikely any student is going to become seriously ill af-ter walking past a group of smokers on his or her way into a building. But the policy states people have the right to smoke if they follow the rules.

Constructing sheltered smoking areas, away from building entrances, would be a win-win situation for everyone. This way, smokers would still have the freedom to smoke and be protected from the elements, and every-one else wouldn’t be forced as they enter buildings to encounter the odor and smoke emitted from cigarettes.

As long as smoking is permitted on campus, UE needs to find a compro-mise that works for smokers and nonsmokers alike. n


n Monica Krause, a senior inter-national studies major from Fort Wayne, offers her perspective on is-sues facing stu-dents today.

The antiquated “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy discriminates against our honorable men and women serving in the military

liberal conscience

It’s not 1993 anymore. As one of his first acts in office, President Bill Clin-ton enacted the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy prohibiting gays and les-bians from openly serving in the

military. At the time, it was a compromise with those who did not want the gay, les-bian, bisexual and transgendered commu-nity in the military at all, but no such com-promise is needed any longer.

After portraying himself as a leader in the fight for equality, President Barack Obama has lost much of the support from the GLBT community for not tackling is-sues like DADT soon enough. Now, more than a year after taking office, he has final-ly made repealing DADT a part of his agen-da. As usual, it has been met with strong opposition, but the arguments in favor of its repeal are much stronger than those in favor of keeping the policy.

If we were to allow our military to be open, we would be like Australia, Israel, Great Britain and Canada — all of whom allow their service members to be open about their sexual orientations and suffer no adverse effects on enrollment or reten-tion as a result.

Our military would also reflect other governmental institutions like the CIA, FBI and the Department of Defense who do not discriminate based on sexual orientation. Not even the defense contractors fighting our wars exclude homosexuals.

Conversely, if we were to keep up the status quo, we would continue to lose valu-able members of our military. According to a recent article in The Guardian, there have been more than 13,000 people dis-charged due to DADT to date. And accord-ing to the Service Members Legal Defense Network web site, this includes 59 Arabic translators in the last five years.

We are involved in two wars in Arab countries; and with recruitment num-bers down, our military desperately needs these individuals.

We would also be ignoring the sage ad-vice of our top military commanders. Ob-viously our commander in chief supports DADT’s repeal, but so does Gen. Colin Powell; Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff; Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and even former Vice Presi-dent Dick Cheney.

Also, we should not forget the majori-ty of Americans (57 percent, according to an article on the Politico web site) recently said they support DADT’s repeal.

Two-thirds say the current policy is dis-crimination. An overwhelming 82 percent say that the military should not pursue dis-ciplinary action against open gays, lesbians and bisexuals.

Some people would rather think about the military as a whole and disregard the individuals serving in it. This is completely against our country’s founding principles — liberty, equality and the unalienable rights of the individual. But if we must look at the effects of DADT’s repeal on the military, it is hard to find serious problems.

Some argue that it will damage disci-pline, morale and unit cohesion. I don’t re-ally understand how admitting that you’re gay will damage your discipline or respect for authority. I doubt any gays or lesbians will refuse to do pushups on account of their orientation, or talk back to their supe-riors who may be straight.

As for morale, I think some problems could arise simply because the military is made up of many diverse individuals. Of course you’ll find some people who op-pose homosexuality for religious or oth-er reasons, but that is no reason to contin-ue the policy.

They need to accept new ideas and change just as society has done for various groups of people, whether it be for women, African-Americans or immigrants.

Finally, unit cohesion is of supreme im-portance to the military. They fight for our country and for each other. But this sense

of unity comes from liv-ing together, training together and putting their lives in each oth-er’s hands. Sexual ori-entation does not nulli-fy or change that bond of brotherhood.

In fact, I find it horrible that people will accuse members of our military of be-ing hateful bigots who cannot serve along-side GLBTs. It is disrespectful and ignorant. Such assumptions should not be made of anyone. Our military has gone through tough changes like this before. President Harry Truman racially integrated the mili-tary in 1948, which was a full six years be-fore public schools were desegregated as a result of Brown v. the Board of Education. It was not an easy or quick process, but it was groundbreaking and effective.

But repealing DADT won’t be as difficult as integrating the military. The public sup-ports the repeal, so the military will not be forging new ground or changing social structures.

This time, it is lagging behind the rest of the country, particularly younger gen-erations who are infinitely more accepting of homosexuality than older generations. Perhaps not by coincidence, our military is overwhelmingly full of these teenagers and 20-somethings, who have probably got-ten along with gays and lesbians their en-tire lives.

The Seven Army Core Values are loyal-ty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, in-tegrity and personal courage. These char-acteristics are what our armed services are about, and they have nothing to do with sexuality.

I do not want a military defending my life, while simultaneously not allowing its own people to live freely. The members of our military deserve our utmost honor; we cannot allow them to be disrespected due to sexual orientation. n

Military strength


KEEGAN DENNISby Lauren Oliver

Defying the odds comes naturally to this daredevil

sports

Spotlight on:

When he’s not on the pitcher’s mound for the Aces, senior Keegan Dennis can be found playing his guitar. Since trans-ferring to UE, this writing major from Car-mi, Ill., has shared his love of the written word, music and Frosties with friends and teammates.

Crescent Magazine: Have you always played baseball?

Dennis: I played foot-ball, basketball, base-ball and track. Base-ball was my least favorite, but it pays the bills for a 6-foot-2-inch white guy. I went

to John A. Logan College first, but I had different opportunities here.

CM: Do you want to play professional baseball after college?

KD: It would have to depend on the offer. I’m one of the rare guys who say it’s not my life. There are too many other things I want to do.

CM: Do you have any pre-game rituals?

KD: I have to do things the same way every time before I go to the mound, and when we go on road trips, I rearrange things in the hotel rooms that we might or

might not need.CM: What about with the team?

KD: Every Sunday night after home games, we have a bon-

fire at my house.CM: Why writing?KD: I’ve always

been a good bullshitter. I was English education for a while, but I like how deep down you can

go in literature classes. Some people think you’re

limited with writing, but you’re really not.CM: What’s your stress

reliever?KD: Playing music. I’m not

a guitarist, but I play the guitar. Having my guitar in hand means I’m not pressed to do be doing something else.

CM: Who’s your favorite artist?KD: John Mayer. He writes

lyrics where you know what he means, but you could never have said it like that. Especially as a fellow songwriter, I feel inferior.

CM: Do you name your guitars?

KD: I haven’t named them because I would change it every three weeks, and that

wouldn’t be fair to the guitars. So for now, they’re just Black and Tan.

CM: Who inspires you?KD: I’m lucky enough that my two

best friends are my mom and dad. My dad is batshit crazy. He’s so fun, and I know I’m going to be just like him.

CM: What’s your biggest vice?KD: Wendy’s Frosties, second only to

Hacienda’s Mudslide. No matter what I’m doing, the guys I live with know going to get Frosties is a big deal.

CM: Do you have any nicknames?KD: Dr. Denny. It’s totally cheesy and

the worst nickname, but it caught on. (My friends) said, “Wow, that’s really stupid.” So, they started using it.

CM: What’s your best childhood memory?

KD: My best friend growing up and I used to walk all over my town trying to look cool. We had a Jay and Silent Bob relationship, but I talked way too much, so it was more just Jay and Bob.

CM: Do you have any pet peeves?KD: When someone tells a story, and

the other person just tries to one-up him.CM: Do you have any regrets thus far

in your life?KD: I came to Evansville just coming

off of an injury, and I thought I really had to prove myself. I regret trying too hard to impress too many people when I didn’t have to.

CM: Is there anything else readers need to know?

KD: I talk too much. I love to play music. I try to be the entertainer and the daredevil. I like to be individualistic. I don’t know why I try to stick out, but I’m scared of being a robot. My ways are the ones I have to live with. I love to defy what everyone thinks about me. I like to do things most people wouldn’t have the courage to do and show them those things can be done. There’s where you made your mistake: asking me questions and letting me talk. n

6 Crescent Magazine ● April 2010

Smooth Moves — Showing off their steps as they represent African nations, sophomores Emmanuel Omere and Ibukunluwa Araoye along with Ajan-wachuku Okiki dance to the beat of the music. (Photo: Alaina Neal)

Strutting It — Showing off the tradi-tional dress of South Korea, intensive English student Helen Eo bows to the audience during the fashion show. (Photo: Alaina Neal)

7April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

through the lens

They Are On Tonight — Being onstage isn’t easy, but freshman Hilda Torres and David Sena, who graduated in December, know how to make jaws drop as they perform “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira. (Photo: Michael Phillips)

International Banquet & Variety Show

February 27, Eykamp Hall


E veryone believes it costs an arm and a leg to attend UE, and with the price of tuition, room and board so high, it’s easy to just gri-

mace and pretend you don’t see the over-all sticker price.

For those willing to look closely, there are actually some smaller fees tucked away that often go unnoticed. One of those is the student activity fee, which every full-time student pays. For the 2009-10 school year, the activity fee was $326, and it buys you more than just one of those stickers you place on the back of your student ID card.

“People would be surprised to see the whole budget; to see how much they don’t take part in,” SGA President Joe Brown said.

All the money collected from the stu-dent activity fee is channeled into one ac-count, and from there, it is divided among specific areas. What most students don’t know is where the money goes. Here is the dollar breakdown and the recipients of funding.

• • •

$5.50THEATRE DEPARTMENT

A small fraction of the overall fee goes to the Theatre Department to help supple-ment the free tickets every full-time stu-dent is eligible to receive to attend produc-tions. Considering tickets cost more than $10 each, $5.50 for a season of entertain-ment is a bargain.

“Where else can you go do something for $5.50?” staff accountant Barbara Lutter-man said. “It’s cheaper than a movie.”

$26RIDGWAY CENTER

The newest addition to the student activi-ty fee. Since students enjoy the benefits of the center, a portion of the fee goes direct-ly to help cover the debt from the building of the center, Lutterman said.

$51ATHLETICS DEPARTMENT

To help defray costs, $51 of your student activity fee goes to athletics. While ticket

prices per event vary, all students can get a free ticket to any UE athletic event.

$100SPECIAL ACTIVITY FEE

This amount covers the widest array of ac-tivities and services, and while SGA ap-proves this part of the budget, SGA does not then control how each organization al-locates its money. For example, groups such as Leadership Academy and Black Student Union are each given a small amount they may use however they like.

The largest portion of the special fee — $125,000 — goes to the Fitness Center. This sum is used to pay the interest and princi-ple of the debt that was accrued to build the center.

Another $19,000 covers the cost of the various programs and equipment used by students who utilize the center. This also covers paying instructors and the insur-ance premiums required to offer programs.

The Crescent Magazine subscription fee is also included. While most of its fund-ing comes from advertising sales, about $18,000 is paid by SGA to the magazine on behalf of students to help cover costs. As with subscription fees for any publication, it does not cover all operating costs.

This fee also helps to finance the Stu-dent Development Fund. SDF uses its funds to help organizations that petition for funds. All groups are allowed to petition for money each semester.

Other, smaller portions of the fee go to-ward things such as Homecoming, Musi-cal Madness, the Labor Day Picnic and any event not specifically affiliated with an or-ganization. Additionally, the fee pays for OrgSync, which costs about $3,000 a year.

Interestingly enough, this fee also serves to cover the cost of the stickers we stick on the back of our IDs, coming in at about $800 a year.

$143.50 SUPPORT OF STUDENT

ORGANIZATIONS & PROGRAMSSGA and Student Congress directly super-vise the largest portion of the fee. The SGA

president approves the budget annually, and if certain organizations wish to redis-tribute funds or increase the amount allot-ted to them, they must petition the Finance and Budget committee to do so.

For example, SAB applies for a budget annually. It receives a certain amount of funding, but Brown said in addition to an overall amount, it must itemize each line-item and have it approved by Congress. SAB’s budget covers all its events, includ-ing Sunset Concert. Thus, if SAB wanted to increase the amount of money budgeted to Sunset Concert, then members would have to get that approved before the new budget was finalized.

Another portion of the fee goes to the LinC, which received about $61,000 this year and earmarked about $45,000 to print-ing. It pays for every full-time student to re-ceive a copy of the yearbook, with grad-uating seniors receiving theirs in the mail every fall. Regardless as to whether stu-dents pick up their individual copies or not, they have still paid for it.

Another recipient is Intramurals. Its budget covers such things as the cost of paying referees, updating equipment and buying those championship T-shirts every-one covets so much. In all, about $45,000 went to the IM program.

Other organizations benefitting from these specific funds are RSA, Freshman Council, SGA and Congress.

• • •RESERVES

Brown said any funds not spent during the year are transferred to reserves. This money is then made available to organiza-tions through SGA. But if too much money builds up in the account, then it is taxable.

SGA tries to avoid this, and occasional-ly must make large purchases to keep the reserves from overinflating. This was the case a few years ago when SGA donated a large sum of money to help build the foun-tain located in Ridgway. Brown said it is better for students to use the money than have too much go into the reserves.

“I’m much more inclined to see stu-dents use the funds as they are budgeted,” he said. n

Crunching the numbers to see just what your student activity fee buys you

Bought and paid for by Kristin Benzinger & Jennifer Stinnett

in the know


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99% of UE students would intervene in some way if they became concerned about a friend’sDRINKING.

Fall 2007 Social Norms Survey Brought to YOU by UE Health Education


snapshot

As a top student in the School of Business Administration and one of the smartest at UE — with a GPA that’s almost flaw-

less — senior Justin Moore remains hum-ble despite his many accomplishments.

“Character makes him stand out,” said Peter Rosen, assistant professor of manage-ment information systems. “His personal ethics are stronger than any other student I’ve seen since I’ve been at UE.”

Rosen, who has been teaching for 10 years, confidently ranks Moore in his top five most intelligent students. No matter the subject, he said Moore soars to the top.

“He knows just about everything about everything,” junior Brade Wade claims.

And senior Melissa Heckner said Moore is always willing to lend a helping hand. She said a number of his classmates fre-quently contact him for help on assign-ments. Despite this, Moore is not your typi-cal know-it-all.

“I would like to take all the credit for my grades, but I really just have a good memory,” he explained.

Not one to simply sit around and do nothing, Moore is a true go-getter. Wade emphasized that failure is not a word in Moore’s vocabulary.

The North Manchester native surpass-es academic expectations without breaking a sweat. Bored with his homework, he de-cided to throw a certification exam — one highly recognized throughout the financial world — into the mix.

Most students dreaded taking the ACT or SAT in more ways than one. But testing challenges apparently don’t stop Moore.

Since he has always been interested in learning new things, the chartered finan-cial analyst exam, a self-study, graduate school-level program for those in or pursu-

ing an investment career, was a challenge he was willing to take. It is also a three-part test that must be taken over three years.

With a triple concentration in finance, management and management information systems, Moore is far from taking the easy route. While maintaining a heavy course load, he somehow remains heavily in-volved in organizations.

As a Moore Hall resident assistant and president of SAB, Moore is also a member of Mortar Board, National Society of Colle-giate Scholars, Phi Kappa Phi, Beta Gamma Sigma and Best Buddies.

With his main focus on SAB, his contri-butions this year have redefined the pro-gram. Like many other organizations, SAB has been through its ups and downs.

“Justin takes it very personally when people put it down,” said Rachel Carpen-ter, assistant dean of students and advis-er to SAB.

Moore has focused on the results of the student interest survey to make sure that SAB activities that were wanted were made available to students. He has also put a face to SAB by representing the organization at Greek philanthropies — not to mention publicizing SAB’s mascot, Gary the Gorilla.

Moore is also working hard to recruit for next year because so many SAB mem-bers are graduating in May. Moore said to be a member of SAB, you really have to love UE, making it clear he would do any-thing for UE. With the average attendance up at SAB events, he said he is proud of the progress the organization has made.

“He is an all around champion for the organization,” Carpenter said.

Moore interned last summer at one of the world’s best investment-banking firms, the name of which he cannot disclose be-

cause of a confidentiality agreement with the company. Moore was only the second student in UE history to receive the intern-ship. He worked in New York City last sum-mer for 10 weeks with other interns from across the world.

“I felt more prepared than others,” he said. “But it was still the most challenging thing ever.”

The challenge paid off. He ended up being hired back once he graduates in May. Moore believes you can study finance your entire life and continually learn something new.

“It wasn’t always my dream job,” he admitted, “but accomplishment-wise, this is what college is all about.”

Even though Moore has every right to be arrogant, he remains grounded in his beliefs and values. And his contributions have not gone unnoticed — he has helped UE and students to strive for more. n

When you are involved in so much, it’s hard to stay on top of it all. But these challenges are no match for one of UE’s brightest.

by Amanda Squire

Books,Brains& a bit of luck

1. Actuallyreadthetextbook.

2. Don’texpecttheprofessorto teacheverything.3.Doworkonyourownoutsideof classtomakeyourselffamiliarwith thematerialsoyou’renotwasting yourtime—orothers—inclass.4. Participate.Askquestionsin classaboutthingsyoudon’tunder stand.5. Clarificationisnecessarytobea goodstudent.

Mr.Moore’s Academic Tips

11 Crescent Magazine l April 2010Photo by Alaina Neal


environment

An environmentalist’s got to do what an environmentalist’s got to do. And sometimes that means taking desperate measures. Respect for the

Earth can take many forms, and swiping an abandoned recycling bin, left unattended and empty by a neighbor, was just one of the many ways senior Alicia Ritzenthaler has shown her passion.

“I don’t want them to take it back,” she admitted. The important thing is that Rit-zenthaler is passionate about preserving the planet, and that kind of passion needs to catch on with others before it is too late. We only have one Earth, and it is every-one’s job to take care of it.

For some, environmental responsibili-ty is an obsession, for others, a nuisance. Most people are aware of common ways to help the environment: by recycling plastic, paper, glass and aluminum. But there are other things in need of conservation. Wa-ter, a precious commodity in many parts of the country where waterways are few, tops the list.

“Fifty years from now when California’s population is three times bigger, the water supply won’t keep up, and they will dam more rivers and destroy habtats,” said ju-nior Jordon Lachowecki, a double ma-jor in environmen-tal science and chemistry.

And even though the source of wa-ter isn’t a major concern in Evansville, conserving the life-essential liquid is tan-tamount to making sure there is plenty around for generations to come — and at a reasonable cost.

In addition to being a dedicated recy-cler, Ritzenthaler, also an environmental science major, wants to make sure clean water is available to everyone.

“I’m more interested in access to clean water and air and how it affects the low-er class,” she said. “They are affected first. If you’re going to want clean water and air, you’re going to want to care. If you don’t, then you probably care about money, and you will want to keep costs down.”

But Ritzenthaler’s enthusiasm, as well as others’, often goes unnoticed in the U.S., as most Americans take clean water for granted. At UE alone, almost 4,000,000 gal-lons of water were used in 2009.

But excess water usage can be con-trolled and reduced. Simple acts such as flushing the toilet one less time per day can save about 4.5 gallons of water. That’s equal to the total amount an average per-son living in Africa uses daily for drinking, cooking, bathing and cleaning, according

to Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas Kostigen in

“The Green Book.”

“We’re a society that really likes con-venience, and sometimes it’s a little incon-venient to conserve things,” said Arlen Kaufman, associate professor of chemistry.

And a few helpful changes are hardly devastating. To help cut down on water use, people can opt for shorter showers, do laundry less frequently, turn off the faucet while brushing their teeth, shave in the shower and simply cut down on the number of dishes used when eating in the dining hall.

By using fewer dishes or going without a tray, students reduce the number of dishes being washed, which in turn saves water and power used by dishwashers.

“If we do one thing for the environ-ment so we can feel good about ourselves, but we continue to live our lifestyles, then that isn’t doing a good thing,” said Wes Mil-ner, associate professor of political sci-ence, who incorporates information about environmental issues into the courses he teaches.

Lachowecki, who proudly calls him-self a tree hugger, believes that while many people feel they are doing their best to help the environment, they don’t really see the big picture.

“We don’t care until we’re in the shit-ter,” he said. “It’s probably going to take 20 Katrinas for people to realize the climate is changing.”

The celebration of Earth Day on April 22 marks its 40th anniversary, but its mis-

sion of conservation calls for daily activities. When

TheDOMINO

EFFECTUnderstanding the importance of being enviromentally aware, one student at a time

by Kristin Benzinger



the holiday was conceived

in 1970, it was meant to encourage people to ac-knowledge environmen-

tal issues. The Earth Day Network web site explained that, at the time, “‘Environment’ was a word that ap-

peared more often in spelling bees than on the evening news.”

Lachowecki said he never really cared much about Earth Day. “In the past, no,” he said. “But as I learn more about envi-ronmental issues, I care more.”

He is not alone. And at UE, some are taking this interest to a new level. Bill Hem-minger, professor of English, dedicates time to the land so people will have health-ier food to eat. “I want to be active in the food I eat,” he said.

Hemminger started a community gar-den, located near the Lambda Chi Alpha house and North Hall, in 2009. The garden gives students the chance to know where their food is coming from and what is going into growing it.

“Good, physical labor, doing a good thing, creating something that you and someone else can eat,” he said. “It’s win, win, win.”

Sodexo is just one of the beneficiaries of the garden, and this semester, Brian Ern-sting, associate professor of biology, teach-es Biology 399, “Garden Service Learn-ing,” a course where students participate in the planting, maintenance and harvest-ing of the garden. The 10 students enrolled tend the garden throughout the semester and are encouraged to continue work dur-ing the summer.

“It’s not going to have a huge environ-mental impact right now,” he said. “The main idea is to try to get people to be able to connect with each other, with gardens and with this idea that you can grow your own food.”

Another noteworthy environmen-tal concern is the maintenance of clean, breathable air. With its industrial base and growing population, even Evansville has had trouble with its air quality, dating back

many years and continuing today.Senior Amanda Bellian, also an envi-

ronmental science major, said people need to think about the choices they make that harm air quality, and how those choices af-fect essentially every living thing on the planet.

“There’s a lot go-ing on with pollu-tion,” she said. “Not only hurting us, but other organisms. It’s happening, and peo-ple really need to open their eyes.”

Ways of combating air pollution include those things we know to do but just nev-er seem to keep up with, such as avoiding drive-thrus, walking or riding a bike ver-sus driving, carpooling when possible, lim-iting the amount of time you let your vehi-cle idle and shopping online versus going to stores.

Certain measures have been taken on campus to help the environment, espe-cially given the building of Ridgway Cen-ter and the renovations to Koch Center and the School of Business Administration. But still, it’s important to continue to move for-ward with conservation efforts.

While UE has placed more than 200 re-cycling bins around campus, many people don’t believe that is enough. Some apart-ment buildings and fraternity houses don’t even have bins.

Lucas Brandt, Risk and Environmen-tal Management manager, said bins were removed from fraternities after members abused them. He explained that there aren’t more bins around campus because they’re expensive — each costs $25 — and also because many consider the bins un-

sightly. While the bins are made accessi-ble, he said they are kept out of sight.

As a result, many are disappointed with the quality of recycling services. While there may be bins in most locations, some are difficult to find. Lachowecki said he

once searched all of SOBA for a place to dispose of a soda can. Although there is, in fact, a bin in SOBA, he was unable to locate one in the building and instead carried the can with him to Koch.

“Recycling here is appalling,” he said.Even worse, what some people forget is

that recycling bins are for recyclables — not trash. Brandt said people routinely fill bins with trash instead of recyclable materials. With just three work-studies to do the recy-cling pick up, Brandt said his department simply does not have the time to separate the trash from the recyclables. So instead of being able to salvage the recyclables, it all becomes trash.

Kaufman said he’s frustrated when he



environment

Take shorter showers. 10 gallons of water can be saved by cutting two minutes off your shower.

Open your blinds during the day. Natural light is your friend, and it can help lower heating costs.

Unplug electronics you aren’t using. Even if they aren’t turned on, they’re still using electricity.

Open your window in-stead of cranking up the air conditioning.

Print on both sides. When you have to print that 50-page JSTOR article, you can save a lot of paper by using both sides.

Recycle your old print cartridges.

Buy a reusable water bottle. Don’t use five plastic water bottles in one day, even if you’re recycling them.

Recycle. It sounds redundant, but people still aren’t doing it.

Walk or bike instead of driving. If you need to run to CVS, try walking; it’s only 2.4 miles from campus.

sees white paper thrown in a trash can that’s located right next to a recycling bin, and he believes everyone

needs to make more of an effort to properly dispose of things.

“I don’t know how we got in this mind-set that we can throw things away and put things in landfills forever,” he said. “It’s ei-ther ignorance or laziness.”

Most people may not be aware of just how much waste is generated by UE annual-

ly. About 500 tons — a million pounds — of gar-bage was disposed of last year. What was recy-

cled was only about 8 percent of that which was thrown away, coming in at about 41 tons.

In an effort to help students be better recy-clers, Residence Life has included a living green section as part of its web site. Visit residencelife.evansville.edu/livinggreen.htm.

Dollars also play a big role in how dedicated we are to conserving, since everyone at UE incurs these costs. Lar-ry Horn, Facilities Management and Planning director, said UE used about

13.7 million kilowatt-hours of energy in 2009, adding up to about $1.34 million. UE also spent a little more than $600,000 on natural gas, which is mainly used in science labs and for the boilers.

“We want to do the right thing as long as it doesn’t cost us anything or cause us inconvenience, but there are enormous costs of making poor environmental choices,” Milner said. “If those costs were taken into consideration, then society would change its behavior.”

Admittedly, helping the environment does take time. It isn’t easy work, and taking up a cause is not always convenient. But by making a conscious effort every day to think about what’s best for the planet, it will become easier.

“We need to change the mindset of wanting and needing lots of stuff to be happy,” Kaufman said. “The biggest thing a student can do is just be aware of the environment and covering environmental footprints.” n

— Information contributed by Kate Wood

Illustrations by Courtney Hostetler



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CAMPUS CENSUSApril 5, 6 & 7

Census data affects university tuition grant and loan programs.

SAE, SIG EP AND LAMBDA CHI: Check with your president during Census dates.

VILLAGES, FIJI, PHI TAU AND TKE: Come to Residence Life between 9 a.m. –4 p.m. during Census dates. Evening meeting times and locations will be e-mailed and posted in Village display cases and laundry rooms.

RESIDENCE HALLS: Fliers and e-mails will announce Census meetings in the halls during Census dates.


disabilities awareness

Though some students struggle

with daily routines, living differently does not mean

you are different

by Brennan Girdler

M ost students don’t have to give a sec-ond thought about missing class because yellow caution tape or low-hanging tree branches may be blocking their way. But for students who are disabled in some way, any obstacle could be troubling.

There are more than 60 students on campus with disabilities that actively use services or accommo-dations provided by UE. These students range from those with mild learning impairments to severe phys-ical disabilities, and several fall under more than one category.

Many able students can’t understand missing class during a light snow fall because of wheel-chair difficulties or not being able to locate friends at lunch because they’re blind. Yet these are the harsh realities that some stu-dents routinely face.

“It’s something you have to deal with on an everyday basis,” senior Shiloh Ditzer said.

Born with cerebral palsy, Ditzer is confined to his powered wheelchair whenever he is

Not DisabledDifferen

t

outside of his residence hall. Handling his meal tray and opening doors present major challenges.

“It’s hard to drive up, unlock the door, hold it and drive around again,” he said. “It’s tricky, especially with rain and an um-brella.”

What often seem like simple tasks must be approached in a different way when you’re impaired. Imagine trying to locate an accessible bathroom or not being able to speak a foreign language because you don’t know what it sounds like.

Sophomore Amanda Topper has bilater-al hearing loss of about 80 percent in both ears. By sitting in the front of the room in

her classes, she can see and hear what professors are saying. Topper also

uses an FM-system that allows her to comfortably hear the speaker

wearing the accompaning mi-crophone.

“I’m two years be-hind everyone else

in language,” she said. “That’s to-

tally differ-ent from

everyone else. But I feel accepted here.”

Many disabled stu-dents use gadgets to help them along. UE’s Disability Services, a component of Counsel-ing Services, puts much of its time into converting textbooks into MP3s.

Audio files are then used by students who may have trouble turning pag-

es, can’t see the text or have difficul-ty processing information in book form.

In fact, there are service solutions for just about everything.

Some students count on vibrating alarm clocks for their wake-up calls; others have flashing lights that notify them when guests knock on their doors.

Notetaking is another popular service of-

fered. Designated students take notes on carbonless paper for students who can’t write, pay attention or hear what their pro-fessors are saying.

For students who are legally blind or have impaired vision, notetakers type their own notes and place them online, as stu-dents with such vi-sion disabilities of-ten have screen readers, which read e-mails and notes aloud.

But it’s not always easy to identify stu-dents with disabilities. Ronda Stone, Dis-ability Services coordinator, said there are many students who are able to hide their disabilities, especially those with learning disabilities.

Of the 60 or so students with disabilities, 21 have attention deficit hyperactive disor-der — also referred by its former diagnosis, ADD or attention deficit disorder — a biolog-ical, brain-based condition that is charac-terized by poor attention and distractibility

and/or hyperactive and impulsive behaviors.

“For me, it’s moderately se-

vere — it de-pends on who you

ask,” senior Ja-mie McKenzie-

Smith said about her ADHD. “On tests, I get ex-

tended time.”While some students decide

against the use of campus accom-modations, there are others who Stone

would like to see better embrace their life-styles.

“They may be worried about being ac-cepted and think that they won’t be liked as much because of their disability,” she sug-gested.

Freshman Jourdan Wilson has cerebral palsy. He can’t walk and also has impaired vision. But he said at UE, students and pro-fessors treat him like everyone else.

“Everyone is very open and considerate of my disability,” he said. “And because of my verbal skills, I can tell them what’s going on with me.”

Being part of the UE social network doesn’t seem to be a problem for many

of those with disabilities. Freshman Hannah Griffin joined Zeta Tau Alpha despite her os-teogenesis imperfecta, or in her words, a

brittle bone disease.“I don’t think I’m

any different,” she said. “I’ve never let anyone treat me any differently.”

In terms of col-lege life, McKen-zie-Smith doesn’t

notice a difference. She’s adapted to her life-style and has never seen things from the other side.

“I guess I just do things differently,” she said. “They’re not learning disabilities, but learning differences.”

The trouble may be that students are un-able to relate. While some are still unaware of the challenges of their peers, Disability Services’ primary concern is education and awareness.

“It’s a lack of knowledge,” Stone said. “Once you know the rules, you can be more prepared and less awkward around these students.”

She said it would be a good experience for someone who is able bodied to sit in a manual wheelchair and try to open a door. But plugging your ears or blindfolding your-self for a day wouldn’t nearly reproduce what impaired students have encountered their entire lives.

Most students with disabilities agree sim-ple gestures make the difference. If you’re talking to a student who is deaf — speak di-rectly to them. Often they can read lips, and if there is an interpreter, it’s best to pretend he or she is not there.

Also, it’s best to sit level to or stand at a distance from someone in a wheelchair so he or she don’t have to strain to make eye contact with you.

“Students should really just act normal,” junior Kayla Ryan said about interacting with blind students such as herself. “Just say ‘hi’ and ‘it’s such-and-such’ if I don’t recog-nize your voice.”



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disabilities awareness

Common courtesies like holding open a door take

little effort for most people, but for a student who is disabled, this small act of kindness is appreciated. Unfortunately, be-ing rude takes as little effort as being nice.

“If I really, really need help I’ll ask — maybe don’t assume,” Griffin said.

It is important we recognize that these students are no different than the rest. When applying to UE, all students are judged on the same academic standards and face all the same school and life expe-riences.

“We’re just as capable and qualified as anyone else,” said senior Reed Wilkerson, who has dyslexia. “We just need a little more help sometimes.”

He said it takes him extra time to do any sort of reading or writing.

“We have to put forward an extra effort and have more initiative,” Wilkerson said. “People need to be more patient.”

And the partnership between UE and

its students is crafted in a way as to keep students with disabilities on a level playing field with everyone else. While much of Krannert and Olmsted halls and the base-ment of Neu Chapel remain inaccessible for physically impaired students, other as-pects of campus are more than adequate.

Stone said she works directly with Res-idence Life to ensure that students with physical limitations have the proper bath-room and residence hall accommodations.

“I knew when deciding to come to UE, my dorm room was a big deal,” Griffin said.

“They worked hard to get me everything I needed.”

Faculty and administrators are also more than willing to accommodate the needs of students who are disabled, and Stone works hard to ensure that these stu-dents are treated the same as others. After all, it’s the differences that make these stu-dents unique, not the disabilities.

“People are shy because on the exteri-or we may seem different,” Ryan said, “but I’m just as crazy as any other college stu-dent.” n


SAB Open Mic night 9:30 p.m. April 7 Ridgway Rec Lounge

SAB MOvie: “the LOveLy BOneS”

9:30 pm April 8 Eykamp 251

SAB MOvie: “the princeSS And the FrOg”

9:30 p.m. April 15 Eykamp 251

cOFFee hOuSe perFOrMAnce By eden'S edge 8:45 p.m. April 21

Rademacher’s Cafe in Ridgway

SAB MOvie: “SherLOck hOLMeS”

9:30 p.m. April 22 Eykamp 251

cLASSic MOvie night: “BreAkFASt At tiFFAny'S”

7 p.m. April 27, Eykamp 253

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SunSet cOncert 5 p.m. April 16

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sexplanation

While some believe sex is strictly for procreation and a man’s pleasure, others use sex to stimulate their bodies and discover a fantasyland of passion and fun

Explorationby Josh Fletcher

Sex is a part of life that many people are afraid to explore. But for those who are willing, there’s more to be realized

than just the traditional missionary posi-tion. The journey to fi nd new positions is an extravagant adventure strong-ly encouraged by sex therapists for all people at some point in time.

Phil McGraw, known to most as TV personality Dr. Phil, is a clinical psy-chologist and believes partners should be creative in their sex lives and that they should not feel ashamed to ex-plore each other’s fantasies. So, curb your enthusiasm and act on curiosity; you never know what you might like if you don’t try it.

But, while sex is a natural part of life, it is not to be taken lightly; we’re in no way advocating fl ippant sexu-al activity. Although many students cur-rently choose to abstain from sex, they are welcome to archive these bedroom tricks for later use.

Have fun, be safe and remember — sex is not the enemy. ■

The Queen of Diamonds

Lesbians, this one is for you. If sex toys and erotic acts are your thing, let the Queen sparkle you into oblivion. Both women lie on their backs and intertwine their legs in a scissoring motion. The use of toys or hands will surely impress because, as we all know, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

CliffhangerFor those of you who are down for a thrill, the Cliffhanger

promises to send you and your partner right over the edge. First, the penetrating partner (in this example, a man) sits on the edge of a couch, bed or other sturdy piece of furniture. Receiving partner, straddle your man, lock your arms with his and lie back over his legs. If you’re feeling daring, reach back and rest your hands on the ground. The Cliffhanger is an adrenaline rush that ends in ecstasy.

The Spelling BeeThis position will leave you positively tongue-tied. For a really

great update on a classic move, try adding sound to your oral positions. The vibration of your lips on your partner’s genitals will leave them speechless. There is absolutely no wrong sound to make, and your partner will not buzz you off the stage for misspellings. If you don’t know what to say, try asking to use a word in a sentence — over and over and over.

Reverse CowboyGay men, grab your best cowboy hat and

rowdy up for this brokeback of a good time. With one partner lying on his back, the next cowboy needs to saddle up, facing his boots. Hopefully, he can last longer than eight seconds, else he might wind up practicing the lone ranger.

Praying Mantis This predatory position is to be worshipped.

Instead of kneeling like most positions, try squatting and resting your hands near your partners knees. Receiving partner, you’re in control, so make your partner beg for mercy, like any “preying” mantis would do.

Did You Know?• 18–29 year olds have sex an average of

112 times per year. • Kinsey Confi dential, a web site sponsored

by the renowned Kinsey Institute, provides blogs, podcasts and other information about sex, love and relationships for college-aged adults. Visit the site at kinseyconfi dential.org.


Ticking Bomb With a sturdy chair

and ample space, the Ticking Bomb can blow your mind. Ladies, have your man sit on a chair and straddle him. With your feet on the ground and your knees at a 90-degree angle, bounce and play, reminding your man who is in control.

Iron LotusThis tangled love trap is feared

by many, and resultantly, enjoyed by few. Men, kneel on the floor. Women, wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Enjoy the intimate face-to-face contact as your bodies press against one another’s skin. The Iron Lotus is one flower that will never die.

Standing Ovation Great sex

scenes in movies involve intimacy, strength and deep connections. The Standing Ovation is sure to be just that — an award-winning performance. Men, sweep your lady off her feet, wrap her legs around your waist and gently press her back against the wall. As the temperature rises, so will your performance. Critics worldwide agree that this position is award-worthy.

No stick figures were harmed in the making of these demonstrations. Condoms required.



DRINK OF TH

EMONTH

off the wall

CAMPUS COMMENT:

What’s your least favorite word and why?

>>

Being Chased — Safety and Security will chase you out of Koch Center in the event there is another bomb threat.

Failing a Test — You have failed your housing inspection and now Brian Conner, assistant director of Residence Life, is out to get you.

Being Naked in Public — You better watch out at Bike Race. This might actually happen to you.

Falling/Drowning — You will trip and fall face fi rst into the Ridgway Center fountain.

Flying — You will turn into Harry Potter.

Teeth Falling Out — You are going to hit someone with a golf cart tomorrow.

With Bike Race sneaking up on us, it’s prime time for the only thing we know everyone will be drink-ing. Local scientists disclose that this concoction can be easily created by mixing two parts hydrogen with one part oxygen in a tall glass. If you want to

keep things steamy, try boiling on a hot plate or a stove. For a frozen version,

fi ll an ice cube tray and leave in the freezer overnight. Can be served

straight up or on the rocks.

Water

“Duodenum. It was in an episode of “Family Guy” and everyone in high

school overused it after that.”

SAM RODRIGUEZ[ freshman ]

“Delicate. I just don’t like saying it.”

CHELSEA WOODS[ freshman ]

“Large. Large, barge. It’s just that –arge sound.”

MELISSA RONDON[ freshman ]

“Scythe. I had a lisp as a child and couldn’t say it properly.”

STEPHANIE SHELDON[ senior ]

“Ain’t. That’s just wrong.”

SUSAN ELLIOTT[ senior ]

“Exactly. It has my name in it and I always turn to see who’s saying it.”

ZACH KANET[ junior ]

“Raunchy. It just sounds gross.”

TIFFANY ABOUFARISS[ junior ]

DREAMInterpretations

If you’ve ever had one of these common dreams, here’s what it could mean for your future

“Who brings their bumedinger to class?”

WORD OF THE MONTH...

bumedinger


Ways to Pull a Prank

435

1212

tomorrow.

WORD STREET ONTHE

Bike Race will be held in its new location — the Front Oval…

5AND A

half

”“

Who hasn’t wished they were Jim from “The Offi ce” so they could stupefy their own personal Dwight with an ingenious prank? Well, we don’t see why April Fool’s can’t last all month long. Bring back those middle school days of TPing your friends and neighbors and putting “Kick Me” signs on

the backs of your classmates. Trick your roommate, family members, co-workers and friends with these funny, harmless

pranks. Just don’t blame us when they retaliate.

• Replace your roommate’s cologne or perfume with vinegar: They’ll smell like fi sh and chips.

• Fill a friend’s room with cups of water: For an added twist, staple them together.

• Scrape out the cream fi lling in Oreos and replace with toothpaste: It’s a new fl avor of Oreo: mint chocolate.

• Dye non-hard boiled eggs and give them to your friends: Watch in delight as they cover themselves in yolk.

• Create a personal ad listing for a friend on Craigslist: Even better if they have a fetish. Be sure to add their cell phone number and a picture as well.

• If all else fails, call in a bomb threat: Just make sure you let us know fi rst so we can claim our $1,000 reward and stop these shenanigans.

“I’m having oral and visual hallucinations. The funny thing is I used to pay for those.”

— Rob Griffi th, associate professor of English

Q: What do you call a raincoat that doesn’t belong to you? A: Nacho poncho

1

Q: What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair? A: A honeycomb

2

Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? A: A poul-tree

3

Q: Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop? A: To get the scoop

4

Q: Why did the Dalmatian need glasses? A: He was seeing spots.

5

Q: What do you call it when one cat sues another cat? A: A clawsuit

6

Q: What did the fi nger say to the glove? A: I’m in glove with you

7

Q: Why don’t lobsters share?A: They’re shellfi sh

8

jokesFUNNY BUNNY

favoriteOur


wildcard

W ith a longstanding Easter history, modern secular celebrations and events often eclipse religious tradition. Peep tossing, egg coloring, rabbits and confectionary assortments have taken over and have

literally become a commercial enterprise.

by Josh Fletcher & Lauren Oliver

What do April Fish, broomsticks and jousting have in common?

Easter, of course.

EASTERAROUND THEWORLD

FRANCERather than search for

the Easter bunny, children in France eagerly await the “April Fish” so they can spend the day sticking paper fi sh to the backs of adults.

POLAND To symbolize ancient purifi cation rituals,

boys spend Easter wandering the streets sprinkling water or perfume on girls. While they’re out, the women of the house bake bread, but the men steer clear, because their help will cause their mustaches to gray and the dough to fail.

GREECE During the last two weeks of

the Greek Carnival season, or Apokreas, it is customary to dress in costumes and throw confetti, while hitting fellow townspeople with squeaky plastic clubs.

AUSTRALIASince rabbits are seen as crop-damaging

nuisances to farmers, the traditional Easter Bunny has been replaced with the native Easter Bilby, a rodent with long ears and nose, put in place by the Anti-Rabbit Research Foundation.

FINLAND Easter here has

a Halloween feel. Children with soot on their faces carry twigs and broomsticks around the neighborhood asking for coins in an effort to ward off witches from fl ying around during Easter weekend.

While the precise history of the Easter Bunny is unknown, the BBC has its own theories. It suggests that the famed fl oppy ball of fur may have started out as a hare, but since rabbits are more common in most countries, the switch seemed appropriate.

Have you ever wondered why the Easter Bunny carries around eggs? As it so happens, eggs are symbols of fertility and new life. Regardless of its origins, most people enjoy the edible eggs and fun that is associated with the Easter Bunny.

EASTER

What is your best Easter memory?

“Last year, me and my mom gave up candy for Lent. Then we pigged out on junk food and went into a sugar coma.”

MAGGIE DENEWETH (freshman)

“I hate Peeps, so my brother and I would have a Peep dodgeball contest.”

STEVE MATTHEWS (senior)

[ ]What is the best gift the Easter

Bunny ever brought you?

“He doesn’t bring us anything spectacular; maybe eggs.” JOANNA CALAHAN (freshman)

“I got a Razor Scooter one year.” JESS KOHN (freshman)

[ ] What are your plans for this Easter?

“I have a wonderful semi-farcical religious activity planned.”

CAMI BENFORD-MILLER (sophomore)

“An Easter Jell-O shot hunt.” RYAN EBERSOLE (senior)

[ ]


JANKY: Wearing leggings as pants — Trust us, these are not flatter-ing, and it looks like you forgot to put on pants.

JUICY: Wearing leggings as leg-gings — Under a dress or tunic, these are both cute and functional.

• • •JANKY: Eye tattoos — Do you

want to look like you just escaped from prison?

JUICY: Col-ored contacts — Remake yourself for the day without permanent results. Just leave the offbeat colors and cat eyes at home.

• • •JANKY: Girdles — They’re

tight, old-fashioned and just plain uncomfortable.

JUICY: Spanx — Lose a few pounds and work your favorite little black dress without even stepping foot in the gym.

• • •JANKY: Styrofoam — It

sounds awful when rubbed together and it ruins the environment big time.

JUICY: Biodegradable cardboard — Anything that can — and should — be re-cycled is OK by us.

• • •JANKY: Cubed ice —

It’s way too big and hard to munch on without causing a ruckus.

JUICY: Crushed ice — Don’t lie; the ice is half the fun in a Sonic limeade.

• • •JANKY: Classes on the Monday

following Easter — What’s the point in going home for the weekend if you have to spend Easter Sunday driving back to school?

JUICY: Having Friday through Mon-day off — Everyone else is doing it. Why shouldn’t we?

When thinking of Easter, who could forget those friendly, yellow, marshmallow Peeps? But while these may be the classic color, yellow chicks aren’t the only form of Peeps. Tulip Peeps come in yellow and chicks also come in pink, lavender, blue, green and orange (as well as a sugar-free yellow version). For those who prefer bunnies, options include yellow, pink, lavender, blue and green, or — if you’re feeling adventurous — chocolate-flavored mousse. Also, according to marshmallowpeeps.com, Peeps can serve a higher purpose than their initial gooey, sugary goodness.

Make simple shapes on your eggs with crayons before put-ting them in the dye. The wax from the crayons will resist the dye, leaving festive artwork.

Wrapping your eggs in rubber bands in a variety of de-signs before dying is another way to create an array of crisscross lines and stripes.

After dying, adorn your eggs with sequins, glitter, beads or buttons to liven up your basket.

Use a Q-tip and some acrylic paint to add shapes or words to dyed or un-dyed eggs, or dip a small, shaped sponge into paint and simply press onto the egg.

Recreate your family tree by drawing faces on eggs with colored permanent markers, adding yarn or fabric strips for hair.

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Buying the prepackaged egg dying kit isn’t the only way to decorate your eggs, according to amazingmoms.com. To create your own dye, combine one-half tablespoon of food coloring with two teaspoons vinegar in a big enough cup to fit the eggs and fill the cup to the halfway point with water. For darker shades, leave the egg in the dye a little longer. For a few more creative ideas, check out these

PEEPSICLES — Skewer your favorite Peeps, dip them in chocolate or cover them with nuts and freeze for an interesting new take on dessert.

PEEP FONDUE — If you’re looking for a classier approach to your marshmal-lows, try using skewers to dip them in melted white, dark or milk chocolate.

PEEP S’MORES — For a festive twist on the bonfire treat, replace the regular white marsh-mallow with a colorful Peep in between choc-olate and two graham crackers.

PEEP JOUSTING — Maybe you love Peeps but can’t handle ingesting all that sugar. All you need here are two Peeps, tooth-picks and a microwave. Insert toothpicks in the front of each Peep — like a lance — and place them in the microwave facing each other. Watch them expand as they heat up until one Peep’s lance wins the joust.

DecoratingUNC NVENTIONAL Egg


Making the mostof your z’s

health & fitness

With tests, classes, papers, work and social obligations to deal with, sleep often becomes the last priority. Here’s the skin-ny on what’s keeping students

awake, some common sleep disorders and a few tips on how to make the best of your time in dreamland — and even spend more time there every night.

WIDE AWAKEWith so much to do and so little time, col-lege life can be overwhelming. Many stu-dents stay up too late, and sometimes it’s not just work that keeps them burning the midnight oil.

Sleeplessness can be caused by health problems, but it can also be brought on by the challenges of student life. Common sleep-stealing issues are depression, anxi-ety and stress.

“I have horrible sleeping habits,” se-nior Chelsea Blackburn said. “The doc-tor told me mine were probably stress-induced. No one wants to be my friend when I don’t sleep.”

Blackburn isn’t alone. Health Center director Becky Ziliak, R.N., said sleep is-

sues are one of students’ most common complaints and can really influence a per-son’s physical and mental state.

“Sometimes they’re so tired they want to cry,” she said. “It can really affect a person’s coping skills and make things seem a lot harder than they are.”

Experts agree the problem with col-lege students is that they don’t make sleep a priority.

“As a realist, there are certain nights you’re not going to get to bed on time, but sleeping in isn’t helpful, either,” said Dr. David Cocanower of Evansville’s Sleep Medicine Associates. Instead, he recommends a 20-minute nap.

SLEEP DISORDERS“A lot of students may have adjustment in-somnia, where they have trouble adjust-ing to sleeping in dorms because people have different schedules,” said Dr. Arthur Bentsen of Deaconess Hospital’s Sleep Center.

Most of us know when we are not get-ting enough sleep, but some students don’t even realize they have a problem, and that can be dangerous. Over time,

sleeplessness can affect your daily perfor-mance at work and school and can even affect your health. People who don’t sleep well are more likely to have serious de-pression and develop obesity, heart dis-ease and diabetes in their later years.

Insomnia is fairly common among peo-ple of all ages. It’s more prevalent among women than men and can be triggered by stress. It can be short-term or long-term, but either way, it disrupts sleep pat-terns and leaves a person feeling restless at night and fatigued during the day.

Bentsen said it’s important to practice good sleep hygiene; prepare yourself for bed with a relaxing bedtime routine. Pre-vent insomnia by creating a safe, comfort-able sleeping environment.

Nightmares are another common sleep issue in young adults. Sometimes, dreams are so vivid they can cause you to wake up abruptly and disrupt your sleep cycle.

Chronic nightmares are prevalent among people who have high stress-lev-els, eat fatty meals before bed or drink al-cohol. If your dreams are persistent and disruptive, consider practicing stress relief techniques or seeing a therapist. n

Late-night gabfests, studying until the wee hours and going to bed at 3 when you have an 8 a.m. class…

it’s all part of college, right?

1. Avoid caffeine or heavy, fatty foods before bedtime.

2. Set yourself a regular schedule.

3. Limit naptime. “When you sleep too much during the day, it actually detracts from the amount you will sleep that night,” Cocanower said.

4. Relax.

5. Exercise regularly, even if it’s only

for a few minutes per day, and be sure to do so at least three hours before bed.

6. Don’t stress out if you can’t sleep. “If you’re awake for more than 15 minutes, try getting up and doing something quiet, like light reading or knitting,” Ziliak recommended.

7. Seek help. If you really can’t sleep, don’t be afraid to go to the Health Center or ask your doctor for help.

to get the MOST from your Z’s

7 WAYS

by Megan Merley

27February 2010 ● Crescent Magazine 27April 2010 ● Crescent Magazine

this season, walking to class doesn’t have to be a slouched-over trudge through the puddles and mud. With the right rain accessories, you can make it a

stylish sashay down the catwalk. New boot and umbrella trends are

popping up all over the place. While you can expect to see a few patterns such as nautical, fl oral and plaid, this year’s styles feature solid colors: violet, turquoise, pastel blue and peach.

Whatever the color or convention of

cut, fabulous street fads are fi nding their way into raingear trends, and fashionable umbrellas are becoming functional.

TRENCH COAT COUTUREInside a mall or favorite department store, students may forget the rain they face when heading back to campus. Make a point to pick up a raincoat next time you go hunting for that spring wardrobe.

This season, when shopping for fashionable new fl ood wear, be daring — shoot for a trench coat. Bright color trench coats are hot on the runway and will be just as scintillating in the hallway.

Trench coats stop about knee length, just long enough to shield your outfi t from the rain without being over the top. Choose the right coat for your personal style from a number of available colors. You can pick one up at Old Navy for around $30 to $40.

UNDER THE UMBRELLASIn the middle of a downpour, there are few alternatives to devastating a perfect hairdo. Wearing a rain hat or pulling your hair up can save you from the inevitable frizz, but why rough up your coiffure?

A better option is to invest in the popu-

lar new bubble or birdcage umbrella.“Nothing makes more of a statement

than a super-rad rain defl ector,” said Robyn Currie of trendhunter.com. “Count me in for one of the birdcage umbrellas.”

Denise Maddison, a Dillard’s sales asso-ciate, agreed with Currie. “Dome umbrel-las will defi nitely be in,” she said. “People want an umbrella that’s going to be huge and protect them from the sun and rain.”

Swing by Eastland Mall and snag one of these umbrellas from Macy’s for just $22. The department store offers the umbrella

in both clear plastic and multi-colored polka dots.

If the plastic dome top of a bubble umbrella sounds more like something out of a science fi ction novel than straight from Vogue, you’re not out of luck.

Miniature umbrellas are also available. Sold in solid, bright colors, these practical models come with a cloth carrier at Target for around $10.

Junior Blair Busbee makes good use of her umbrella.

“Since rainy days are typically gloomy, you want bright colors and fl oral prints to brighten your day,” she said. “I love fl oral prints; they are in style for just about everything right now.”

SHOWER SHOESAnd what could be more signature of an April wardrobe than a hot pair of rain boots? In a rainy city, they are an edgy essential for outdoor travel. But while there are many women’s styles to choose from, the men’s departments always tend to lack imagination.

And the desire for

men’s gear is out there. Junior Tyler Simpson has long been on the hunt for some trendy shower shoes.

“I’ve always wanted a nice pair of guy’s rain boots,” he said. “But they’re always crappy.”

Fortunately, there is a new shoe making a splash this season. Tretorn has come out with a rain shoe that resembles the popular Chuck Taylor shoe collection but has no shoelaces and is made of rubber. Don’t feel left out ladies, there’s a new style in for you as well: high-heeled and

wedged rain boots are available at Target and Eastland Mall.

According to trendhunt-er.com, tattoo-styled rain boots are going to be big. Their online gallery indi-cates that high-heeled and tattoo-print rain boots will be two ma-jor must-haves for the wet — and even dry — days this month. ■

fashion & beauty

by Kent Johnson

Notorious for its rainy season, Evansville can be a soggy place. Luckily, April showers are bringing

fl oral prints to foreshadow May’s fl owers.

n’Wet

Styled


cheap dates

W ith spring fever finally kicking in, no one wants to stay in a residence hall room cooped up all day. It’s time for shorts, flip-flops

and warm weather. If you want to relax somewhere other

than the Front Oval or Ridgway’s East Ter-race, discover an outdoor adventure avail-able 365 days a year. Let your animal in-stincts lead you to Mesker Park Zoo and Botanical Garden.

Located at 1545 Mesker Park Drive, admission is just $8.50 per person, so it won’t break the bank, and the zoo is open daily from 9 a.m. until 5 p.m., with admittance ending at 4 p.m. With its

friendly atmosphere and varied exhibits, the zoo is sure to be a hit — a

great place to share with friends and family, or a

nontraditional spot for a date.

Marketing di-rector Charlotte Roesner agreed that Mesker is a great date loca-

tion for couples.“You can stroll

around the zoo to-gether,” she said. “And we have [more than] 700 an-

imals to see.”Many stu-

dents agree. If you’re looking for

some uncon-ventional fun with that special some-one, Mesker has a lot to offer.

“I love animals, so it’d be fun to go see them,” se-nior Amanda

Cunningham said. “Plus, you’re getting out and doing something in-stead of going to a movie.”

And simply walking around the park isn’t the only thing to do. The zoo surrounds a beautiful lake, where you and your date could rent a paddleboat at Port Victoria for between $2 and $8 for 30 minutes.

You and your date could also sit together on one of the benches nearby, but be aware you may be joined by one of the local peacocks or geese.

For an extra cost, you could even ride the tram. Tickets — which cost $2 — are good for the entire day, and you can catch a ride at any of one of three stopping spots throughout the zoo.

Another site to check out is the Noctur-nal section. This room in the Kley Building is dark and full of cute nighttime animals, including a Brush-Tailed Rat Kangaroo, Sand Cat and Egyptian Fruit Bat.

Freshman Chloe Johnson, an exchange student from England and a volunteer at the zoo, said another premier exhibit is the Aviary.

With its flower-lined walls and free-fly-ing South American species of birds, it’s sure to make for an interesting experiene as well as a romantic outing. Or you could visit the Discovery Center for a peek at the colorful Hyacinth Macaws, the largest type of macaws in the world.

Aside from traditional animals, Mesker offers its guests a unique must-see: Amazo-nia. The newest exhibit — added in 2008 — cost $15 million to build, Roesner said.

Unlike the other, old-er exhibits, Am-azonia takes

by Heather Powell

Take your

date for a walk on the

wild side.

Literally.

Exotic ESCAPE



crescent crossword

2010 Santori Publishing

ACROSS1 BritishVirginIslands(abbr.)4 Viking8 Externalcovering12 Belongingto(suf.)13 End(pref.)14 Mississippibridge15 Compassdirection16 Maenad18 Broadstructuralbasin20 Waternymph21 Abdominal(abbr.)23 Stairpost27 Spainishinstrument32 Annoy33 Insect34 Misrepresent36 You(German)37 Hindumonth39 Femalenoble41 Bird43 EuropeanEconomicCommunity(abbr.)44 Trespassforgame48 Gamin51 Puce(2words)55 Shoesize56 “UncleRemus”rabbit57 SeventhincarnationofVishnu58 Cathode-raytube(abbr.)59 Convey60 Black61 Kilometersperhour(abbr.)

DOWN1 Conquer2 Anatomicalduct3 Limp4 Off-trackbetting(abbr.)5 Compact6 Razor-billedauk7 Centralpoints8 Dive9 John,Gaelic10 Bannedpesticide

11 Compassdirection17 Chinese,dynasty19 Dancecompany(abbr.)22 Cotillionattendee24 Jab25 AncientGreekcity26 Dregs27 Heddlesofaloom28 Handle29 Beak30 Guido’snote(2words)31 Shootingmatch35 Equalopportunityemployer(abbr.)38 Householdlinen40 Nat’lEndowmentfortheArts(abbr.)42 Chin.Pan45 Rhinetributary46 Crustacean47 Blood(pref.)49 Amer.Assn.ofRetiredPersons(abbr.)50 Englishspa51 Abate52 Yorkshireriver53 Racethemotor54 Israelitetribe

ANSWERSyou inside the many lay-ers of the jungle canopy

with displays ranging from a squirrel monkey to a sloth. At the base

of the exhibit are two female jaguar cubs and their mother.And if you’re looking for diversity, the

zoo offers a wide range of wildlife.“The whole zoo has a global theme,” Johnson

said. “There’s an African section with zebras; a North American section with wolves, eagles and prairie dogs; and an Australian section with wallabies.”

Among the 700 residents is a special hippo named Donna. Johnson said she is the oldest hippo in the entire world.

“She is 58 years old,” she said. “She has outlived her husband, her children and her grandchildren.”

Roesner said the zoo has another renovation due to open this summer. The Kley Building will welcome “Armored and Dangerous” — featuring animals that use armor and other defenses to protect themselves from prey.

Another coming attraction is the Kaziranga Rhino Reserve, home to an Indian Rhino, a species estimat-ed to have a population of only about 2,400 today.

So, if you and your significant other are in Evans-ville for the summer, be sure to make these rounds.

“There’s a lot to see,” Johnson said. “You need more than one day.”

With plenty exhibits and outdoor activities for multiple visits, Mesker Zoo makes planning that sec-ond date a snap. n


Rise & Shine, Anytime

Day or night, this diner stays open longer than any Taco Bell drive-thru

by Mindy Kurtz

eats

T he typical midnight munchies

— everybody gets them, and it seems

there aren’t many places in town that keep hours late enough to sat-isfy them. But there is one “open” sign that stays lit until the bulb burns out: First Ave-nue Diner.

Where many other restaurants stop serving breakfast after 10 a.m., First Ave-nue Diner, located off the Lloyd Express-way at 520. N. First St., offers breakfast all day — along with everything thing else on the menu.

Whether it’s a mountain of fried mush-rooms at 8 a.m. or a stack of pancakes for dinner, nothing is too early or too late for this diner. But, the around-the-clock access isn’t the only thing that keeps people com-ing back to First Avenue. It’s also the din-er’s signature home-style taste.

“The onion rings are amazing,” senior Andrea Offdenkamp said. “They’re just right and aren’t loaded with salt like the ones I’m used to eating.”

For lunch, First Avenue offers an array of sandwiches, such as chicken salad and B.L.T. with egg and cheese. Another favor-ite, the breaded Texas tenderloin is a meal in itself. The diner also offers different sal-ads and desserts, such as slices of coconut cake and ice cream.

“I love it,” sophomore Mike Koletsos said. “They put a lot of bacon on my B.L.T. with egg and cheese. Most places seem to skip out on that type of thing.”

Still, in line with the old adage, break-fast is the most important meal of the day at First Avenue. Owner Pam McCall finds this especially true. “Our breakfast is what everyone comes for,” she said. “Biscuits and gravy is especially popular.”

Also available are a variety of other breakfast entrees, including eggs, french toast and waffles. Customers may choose

The INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES has long been a student hot-spot for those who long for breakfast throughout the day and night. With prices for their famous pancakes starting at $4.99, IHOP is the place to chow down on all your favorite flavors of hot cakes and waffles. Stop by anytime; they’re open 24 hours a day. • 601 N. Burkhardt Road

BOB EVANS, known for its home-style food, is an-other outlet for stuffing your face at a decent price. With a full break-fast menu and sandwich-es ranging from $6–$12, Bob’s is the place to dine out without spending too much. Bob’s is open from 6 a.m.–9 p.m. Sunday–Thursday and 6 a.m.–10 p.m. Friday and Sat-urday. • 1125 N. Green River Road

DENNY’S is the place for breakfast variety. For those who want to fill up their tummies with-out emptying their wal-lets, take a swing at the Grand Slam for only $5.99, which includes four items from a list that includes two bacon strips, two eggs, hash browns, two pancakes and two sausage links. Denny’s is open 24 hours. • 351 N. Green River Road

(or time) you want itway

from sides such as oatmeal, hash browns and bacon.

First Avenue’s selections are only made better by its affordable prices. Most entrees are under $7, and nothing costs more than $15. “Everything I’ve always gotten there is worth the price you pay,” Offdenkamp said. “It’s well worth the trip.”

And the dining experience offered by First Avenue is hardly limited to the meal. From the outside, this tiny eatery may look like nothing special, but for those willing to venture in, it is a homey hangout for hun-gry customers. “It’s very hole-in-the-wall and quaint,” Koletsos said.

With a waffle house-style bar in the front, a limited number of tables and a hot griddle where you can watch the cook make your meal, this diner combines the easygoing, home-style eats with the fast pace of clinking spatulas and sizzling stovetops. “It reminds me of Arnold’s, the restaurant off of Happy Days,” Offdenkamp said. “It’s a real mom-and-pop place.”

First Avenue has actually been around Evansville for years, starting out with

the name Steak & Eggs. McCall’s mother owned it for 10 years before it was passed down to McCall and renamed.

“We like to keep everything here in the same tradition that Steak & Eggs had,” Mc-Call said. “From the menu to the curtains, we haven’t changed a thing.”

To some, First Avenue is like a modern version of “Cheers.” The food’s great, the workers are lively and everybody knows your name. “It’s like clockwork here,” Mc-Call explained. “We know what time cer-tain customers come in, what they order and how long it takes to make it.”

Regulars stopping in to talk about their day and enjoying their usual cup of cof-fee make the experience even more en-joyable. “We have our regulars who have been coming here for years,” McCall said. “They’re one of the best parts about work-ing here.”

Tasty food, a homey atmosphere and a whopping 24 hours to enjoy them. These things have created a recipe for success, and hopefully more than enough to keep this diner at work far into the future. n


nightlife

D espite the fact that it has been around for thousands of years, pa-trons ranging from students to grandparents now have the oppor-

tunity to partake in the ancient tradition of smoking hookah, and co-owner Moham-med Metoui has the pictures to prove it.

Lined outside for hours, people pa-tiently wait to enter and experience Evans-ville’s only Mediterranean-themed hoo-kah bar, Charazad Hookah Lounge, 519 N. Green River Road.

“I don’t know what’s with this place,” Metoui said. “It makes people love each other. I don’t know if it’s in the tobacco or what. The guys shake my hand, and the women hug me. I love it.”

Metoui decided early on to limit the number of people in the lounge to main-tain a truly relaxing and enjoyable atmo-sphere.

“There’s a chill, family-like atmo-sphere,” senior Kyle Affoon said. “Every-one welcomes you, even if it’s your first time.”

Metoui and his business partner Khaled Elkhal, on the other hand, are not so mysti-fied as to the origin of Charazad’s positive energy. They insist it is their attention to customers that really makes the difference.

“Management really cares about its cli-entele,” junior Nick Wenz said. “Moham-med will come out and actually talk with you. It’s refreshing. He really wants you to enjoy yourself and takes people’s input seriously; it’s not just for show.”

Metoui has traveled the

globe, visiting the best lounges in order to bring pieces of them back to Evansville. This way, people get the true feel of a tra-ditional hookah lounge. Metoui has since provided customers with a four-hose hoo-kah — or water pipe —and has also perfect-ed an authentic taste, using only the best ingredients for his teas and coffee.

“It’s something completely different and new,” Affoon said. “The lounge is a nice place to chill. The ambiance and friendli-ness, of both the workers and people who go, is what makes it first-rate.”

Charazad is decorated in an authen-tic Tunisian theme. Adorned with pictures and tapestries, low comfortable seating and even professionally trained belly danc-ers, Charazad’s exotic environment allows customers to check reality at the door.

“People do things here you normal-ly wouldn’t do awake,” Metoui said. “For example, when we celebrate a birthday, men will stand up and begin to belly dance with a server. They walk in and get lost in the experience. People forget they are in Evansville until they walk out that door.”

And Charazad is a place where peo-ple can forget their worries. It provides a chance for a cross-cultural experience dif-ferent than anything else in town.

Despite being a hookah lounge, those not interested in smoking can indulge in gyro sandwiches, desserts and a plethora of non-alcoholic beverages. Charazad also sells hookahs, high brand tobacco, shi-sha, charcoal and hookah accessories.

“I love the bubbles,” sophomore Chelsey Tompkins said. “Friends and I have sat around for an hour or so just do-ing bubbles; it was so much fun. I like let-ting them pop on my hand so smoke goes everywhere.”

The lounge has become an addiction for some of its clientele. Metouri explained how some people would spend hours there and leave only to come back later — something he is particularly excited about.

“It’s a good place to go hang out with friends,” Wenz said. “We just sit in a circle around the hookah spending hours talking about who knows what. It’s relaxing. The great thing is I’ve been with people who don’t smoke but enjoy coming for the at-mosphere and conversations.”

There’s a possibility more Charazad lounges will be opening in the future. De-spite its relative lack of advertising, the lounge has become amazingly popular.

“Instead of spending money on adver-tising, we took that money and spent it on the lounge itself,” Metoui said. “Fortunate-ly, our attempts are being recognized. And, who knows, we may open more locations down the road. But for now, we are trying to enjoy it as much as we can.”

Whether you are looking to spend a night sampling the different flavors or just need to kick back and relax, Charazad is the place to be. With its welcoming atmo-sphere, Evansville’s hookah bar is guaran-teed to please.

Charazad is open from 6 p.m.–12 a.m. Sunday–Thursday, and from 6 p.m.–2 a.m. Friday and Saturday. n

Immerse yourself in the culture and tradition of hookah

by Michael

Cowl


n Regan Campbell, a junior creative writing major from Vincennes, closes each issue with his special brand of humor on life’s lighter moments.

n

schitzengiggles

jurassic FARM

People in our age group are on the fringes of becoming responsi-ble, informed, working-class citi-zens and are therefore expected to watch current world events and

issues with a permanent glaze of outrage. If we do not, we are, by default, unmotivated and useless.

In my recent daily life, perhaps by co-incidence, I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz over the use of genetically modified ingre-dients that have been slipped into our food without the knowledge and consent of the American people.

The horror stories are numerous and appalling — told by the people who have been fed by these faceless organizations that manufacture food with the help of Vic-tor Frankenstein’s cookbook. It doesn’t seem a very kind way to return the favor.

When I think of the people behind these chicken death camps, where the chickens are bred in test tubes and made to run around a tiny pen until they die of dehydration, I imagine the system with a Michael Crichton aesthetic.

I see a small, portly man with a white beard and expensive hat smile and wave his arm over the luscious fields of excre-ment, as I keep daring him to say, “Spared no expense.”

However appropriate my image may be is irrelevant. The point is the same. These people are the enemy, and they’re going to kill us all — with food.

I have horror stories. A muscular, un-dead hamburger has never tried to punch me in the face, but I have seen things you couldn’t dream of. My understanding of the fast-food debate is that one need not do much digging to experience true terror. Just go to McDonald’s when somebody’s having a bad day.

Years ago, my small, meth-funded town was invaded by this very corporation. They were hot-ticket items, those greasy burgers, just like the ones they had in the big city.

But the time came when the paradigm was shifted — the time when I, as a young lad, was given a healthy helping of reality. My mom took me through the drive-thru one day, and as the staff of our local estab-

lishment often gave the impression that they were, in fact, born moments ago, I lift-ed the bun to see if I received what I had ordered.

I scrutinized everything carefully: the location of ketchup and mustard, the fre-quency of tiny onion cubes and the ab-sence of pickles. Everything seemed in order, but there was something wrong with the picture, something that didn’t leap out at me.

I looked again, carefully, and I found it — a spiral in-laid in the design — a pattern that could not have formed out of mere chaos. Indeed, it had not. It was a hair, long, dark and coiled, placed with great deliberation in a slow spiral that started on the outside and culminated in the middle.

Naturally, I screamed, “I did not ask for this!” and pinched the hair and extracted it. Everything was fine after that.

Despite that occurrence, I persisted, praying for the mercy of recycled employ-ees with the passing days. Years went on that way, and on another particular trip through the drive-thru, I met with fate once more. As I happily devoured my double cheeseburger, which I had taken to order-ing “plain,” I began to taste a subtle hint of pennies in my mouth.

That, of course, would be the taste of copper, which I knew by then was the taste of blood as well.

My old habit returned. I inquisitively turned the burger around and saw that the back end was, medically, a piece severed from a living cow. It was cold, raw, bleed-ing meat that had lost its shape and solid state and dripped off the edge of the bun.

Someone had forgotten to thoroughly cook this one; so needless to say, I did not eat that half of it.

I could go on and on with stories like these, about the countless times I’d swal-lowed something too hard or too metallic.

I could talk about the Taco Bell down the road that was said to have once substi-tuted dog feces for ground beef or the Piz-

za Hut in the same town that mysteriously could no longer make pizzas one evening. Recently, there was the Wendy’s back home that served me a Baconator with no bacon on it.

Horrific? Infuriating? Yes. Delicious? Usually, and when so — abundantly. It’s

a fair trade to me. Thanks to Hen-ry Ford, we know the true meaning of convenience, but we can’t expect every hand to keep the chain of pro-duction moving in a perfect line.

These executive tycoons are monsters — there’s no way around that. But they’ve given us some-thing that no one in their right mind would give up. Of course, I was raised with the belief that if you get to eat food every day, you’re pret-ty damned lucky. So, my stance is skewed.

But the activists won’t stop, which says a lot for people with no

protein in their systems. We are to assume that every big corporation doesn’t care about quality in the face of quantity, that eventually the cybernetic chickens will rise up against us, that “life will find a way” and erase us from the planet.

But these people are missing the point. This stuff is great. We’re all fed. We have di-abetes, but we’re not dead — yet.

The foundation of science is made up of those “ah-ha” moments, like when you force a frog to give birth to a Tyrannosau-rus Rex. Then follows the recognition and the grants, and then you realize you made a damned Tyrannosaur, and it’s going to kill you.

Science only has the ability to create monsters, it seems, and ever since the in-vention of the fanny pack and Rascal scoot-er, it’s hard to disagree.

Every advancement works the same way, for better or worse. Computers, clon-ing and global warming could be the end of us yet, but all I need is a double cheese-burger to stop thinking about it.

Thus, I choose to ignore the likely and imminent danger. I know the great food T-Rex will find me on the toilet someday, low in fiber and high in cholesterol, but in the mean time, I’m hungry. n

Pick up your FREE copy of the 2008–09 LinC

before you leave for summer break!

It’s awesome! Eligible students are those who were full time for the 2008–09 academic year.

Saturday, April 24 UEAAA Reunion 2010 Gala Dinner & Social “HONORING OUR OWN: UE AFRICAN AMERICAN ALUMNI” Speaker: the Honorable David A. Shaheed `76 7:00 – 9:00 p.m.Casino Aztar Hotel Banquet Room • Cost: $35/person and $60/couple UE Students are free with early registration. (Limited student tickets are available). • Dinner will be followed by entertainment by the Chuck Johnson `80 Quintet. D.J. “Tight Mike” will provide dance music from 10:30 p.m. to midnight. • Register by 4/16/10.

R E A S U ERT

D I OT R A T I

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For more information about the reunion, go to ueaaa.evansville.edu or call the Office of Alumni and Parent Relations at x2586.

Join us in Honoring Our Own: UE AFRICAN AMERICAN ALUMNI Friday, April 23 Monte Skelton KICKS OFF THE REUNION WEEKEND Tour and Reception 7:00 – 9:00 p.m.Evansville African American Museum 579 S. Garvin St. (at Lincoln Avenue) • Entertainment by Monte and Skelton’s Montourage • Food provided by B.J.’s Catering • UEAAA and students are welcome! • Cost: $5 per person

Saturday, April 24 The Annual UEAAA Luncheon 11:30 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.Eykamp Hall, Ridgway University Center • Cost: Alumni with one guest and UE students with ID, free. All others $10. • BSU students to re-enact the MLK Day skit and the UE Step Team will perform. • Register by 4/22/10.

Sunday, April 25 REUNION WEEKEND CONCLUDES WITH A SPECIAL African American Worship Service Featuring: Rev. David Williams, Jr. `77 and UE Chaplain the Rev. Dr. Tamara Gieselman `95 10:00 –11:30 a.m. Neu Chapel • Everyone is invited!

Rev. David Williams, Jr.`77 is senior pastor of the Abyssinian Christian Church, Fort Collins, Colorado

University of Evansville Alumni Association • www.evansville.edu/alumni

crescent magazine april 2010

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