November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 12:04 PM

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A big welcome to theNovember issue of TheCosta Link…Have you noticed it’s get-

ting darker much earlier now? It seems that the weather knows that the clockshave gone back and now it’s got a bit colder, it really feels like winter is on its

way! One of the things I miss about living in The UK that I miss is bonfire night,all wrapped up, eating jacket potatoes in front of a bonfire and watching the fire-

works. So I hope you will join me by having a Jacket potato on the fifth!!Speaking of winter, I know you will hate me for saying it, but Christmas will be here

before you know it, so if you need to boost your business for the festive period, give us ashout, we have some great deals on advertising for the winter and with the coverage and popular-ity that we have, what would be the point of advertising anywhere else?I would also like to say congratulations to Christine Edmonds, who won the meal for two atSantiago’s In Alhaurin, I hope she and her guest enjoyed their dinner, and I shall announce the win-ner of last month’s Party Party competition here next month.Remember to remember on the 11th and wear your poppy with pride!

Contact Us

Call: 951 216 131 or 663 061 669

Email: [email protected]

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Deadline Date: 18th of each month

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KIDS STUFF

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THE JOKES PAGE

6 to advertise in costa link magazine please call 663 061 669

Nearly Christmas...

No part of this publication, including layout, graphic design or pictures may be copied,SCANNED, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. Costa Link Magazine acceptsno responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information

provided by our contributors. All rights reserved © 2012.

Everyone Loves the Costa Link!

costa link magazinewill no longer accept advertising from the following

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76Puzzles


It’s all about the shopping... A woman was in town on a shop-ping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shopand a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had justbeen reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doc-tor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident andwas in critical condition and in the ICU.The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was andthat she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised shewas leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She

decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. Sheended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of cof-

fee and a beautiful slice complimentary cake from the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in thecorridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You wentahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!

While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishingin the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead andfinished, because it will be more thanlikely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. Andyou'll now be his full time carer!'

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.The female doctor then chuckled and said,'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. What'd you buy?'

8

AA WW oo mm aa nn ’’ ss WW oo rr ll dd


10

hhooTT ggooSSSS!!The X FACToR 2012... Ella Henderson is having it tough on X Factor:The 16 year old singer might be bookies favourite to win the ITV show inDecember and it’s been reported that if she makes it to the final she’ll even get thechance to perform with legendary singer Beyonce , but while she loves the expe-rience and the opportunities that have been presented, the teenage performer isalso struggling with homesickness.Are you an Ella fan? Who do you think will win this years X Factor?

Let us know why not leave a comment on our facebook page…www.facebook.com/costalinkmagazine

STRiCTly Come DAnCing 2012... Well since Strictly hit our screens in September it’sbeen ups (in the form of Victoria Pendletons skirt) and all downs for Halls & Balls….. Tess Dalyhas admitted that she just can’t keep her eyes off some of the contestants on Strictly ComeDancing this year. We have found ourselves ogling Louis Smith, James Jordan and the lovely

Artem week in, week out on the BBC series to date but it seems that married starTess has more of an eye for the ladies. In an interview with The Daily Star Dalyclaimed that bosses had landed their ‘fittest lineup’ to date for the 2012 series,adding: Robin Windsor has admitted that he is finding it hard to keep up with thebig ball of energy that is Lisa Riley. Many viewers were shocked by Lisa’s danceskills and underestimated her. Robin, Lisa’s partner said, “She is killing me!”Yesterday I was lying asleep on the floor, because she had exhausted me andLisa was going “let’s go again!”. I was like “I need ten minutes.”‘ Bookies haveslashed her odds for winning and it seems to be a fair bet that she will makethe final at least. Do you think Lisa can win Strictly Come Dancing? Texan

model Jerry Hall left the competition last month, and it seems that she was sofurious at being voted off, she threw a “strop” backstage. Con’t on page 12...


12

HHOOtt ggOOSSSS!!CONtINUED StrICtly COmE DaNCINg 2012... The Sun reports that Jerry “stormed off”into her dressing room and refused to give any interviews to the press. Meanwhile, Denise VanOuten has revealed that her two year old daughter Betsy is less than impressed with her mum’sparticipation on the show, and would rather watch Peppa Pig! Denise if course still very much a

favourite to win the show. Who’s your fave at the moment?

I’m a CElEbrIty 2012 ... is about to explode back onto our TV screens. X Factor is wonderful and we love watching the singing hopefuls each week-end and Strictly is a delight….who doesn’t love watching James Jordan andArtem in those tight trousers on a Saturday night? But for us, nothing canquite beat the sight of a so called celebrity gagging on a piece of kangaroopenis, or a camel’s testicle, or an elephant’s boob (we don’t know if thateven exists, but if it does, we want to see Simon Cowell eating one!).We know that you reality TV fans love your annual jungle adventure asmuch as we do, so we’ve taken some time out of our hectically busy

schedule and interrupted our TV critiquing and reviewing (ie we turnedEastenders off for ten minutes) and put together a list of all the stars rumoured to be head-

ing into jungle camp next month and details of the tasks and twists that we know about so far.So far the celebrities linked to the show are: Trinny and Susannah |TOWIE’s Maria Fowler|Coronation Street actress Helen Flanagan | Eastenders star Ricky Groves | Singer GraceJones | Kate Middleton’s cousin Katrina Darling | Comedian Brian Conley | Author and MPLouise Mensch | Olympic swimmer Rebecca Adlington | Medal-winning cyclist Bradley Wiggins& Darts player Eric Bristow. It is claimed that bosses have spent a whopping £60,000 on ratsand cockroaches for the series and are planning a challenge named Midnight Express. In thisone campmate will find themselves locked into a a dark carriage, which will be full of all sorts offrightening delights... So excited!


14

It was a slow night down at the Cock & Trumpet only four customersin the bar. At eight thirty sharp Paddy O'Brien came in and ordered apint of Guinness and a doubly Irish whiskey and went to sit in a cornerof the lounge. On his fourth trip to the bar, another customer enteredthe bar, "Evening All" he called in a heavy Dublin accent.

"Are you from Dublin?" asked Paddy. "Why yes I am" replied the newcomer.

"Would you take a drink with a fellow Dubliner?" enquired Paddy. "Why that'svery civil of you sir, I'll have a Guinness""What part of Dublin do you come from?" asked Paddy. "Up by St Stephen's Green" was thereply "Why that's remarkable" said Paddy, "I'm from that part of town too. Have another pint""What school did you go to" asked Paddy . "St Mary the Blessed Virgin and Holy Mother ofJesus Christ"

"Holy Mother of God! I went to the same school" replied Paddy. " Have another pint my friend""What years were you there and who was your teacher?" asked Paddy. "Oh I was there from1956 until 1960 and I was in Miss O'Farrell's class"

"Jesus Christ!!" exclaimed Paddy me too. " Landlord fill these glasses up again would you?"The door opened and another thirsty customer entered the pub, " Evening George. How'rethings going? Much happening tonight"George the Landlord replied, "Nothing much Bill. The O'Brien twins are in again and hammered

as usual"

COCK & T R U MPE

TCOCK & T R U MPE

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A Tale from the Cock & Trumpet


18

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1) Rick Stein’s cookeryprogrammes usually revolvearound which type of food?

2) What is the fifth book ofthe Old Testament?

3) Which 80’s TV detectiveseries was set on

the island of Jersey?4) Name the 1980’s hit sung by Tina Turner

and Rod Stewart?5) Which type of monkeys lives on the island

of Gibraltar?6) In which county is the port of Felixstowe?

7) Who played Rick Blaine in the filmCasablanca?

8) Who were the runners up in the Euro 2012?9) In heraldry, what does ‘Argent’ mean?

10) What does the chemical symbol ‘U’ represent?

11) In which country is Mandalay (as in thesong – road to Mandalay)?

12) Which BBC Radio station (1, 2, 3, 4 or 5)is broadcast solely on medium wave?

13) In which country was former motor racingdriver Ayrton Senna born?

14) How many feet are there in a nautical mile?

15) Which TV show usedto give away cabbages asthe booby prize?16) What is the currency of

Pakistan?17) Which member of The Royal

Family won a medal at the London2012 Olympics?18) A lift used for food in a restaurant is knownas what kind of waiter?19) What colour are the triple word scoresquares in the game of Scrabble?20) In which month is VE Day?21) In Billiards, how many points are scored fora cannon?22) Libra is the starsign that covers which 2months of the year?23 ) Where is Parkhurst prison?24) In which country was George Best born?25) Ronan Keating headed up which band?26) What is the study of handwriting known as?27) Which wooden puppet did Carlo Collodiwrite about?28) What do the initials ISBN stand for?29) What is a natterjack?30) Who lives in a Manse?

Answers on page 96

TTRRIIVVIIAA QQUUIIZZ


20

….Meaning a play on words to the rest of us

• A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

• A backward poet writes inverse.

• She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

• If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

• You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

• In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.

• Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN downunder.

for all you lexiophiles


22

• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France wouldresult in Linoleum Blown apart.

• Every calendar's days are numbered.

• A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

• A plateau is a high form of flattery.

• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was small medium at large.

• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

• When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

• Acupuncture is a jab well done.

• He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

• Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

for all you lexiophilescon’t


24

THE CApTAIN & THE CAMELA Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost.

On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out backof the enlisted mens barracks.

He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men havenatural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand itany more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camelinto the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to havevigorous sex with the camel.

As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, andwas buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Isthat how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just useit to ride into town."


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28

Bra sizes explained… Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F arethe letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn’tfigure out what the letters stood for.

It is about time you became informed:

A: Almost Boobs, B: Barely there, C: Can’t Complain!,

D: Damn!, DD: Double damn!

E: Enormous!, F: Fake.

Things not to say during childbirth… • Do you think the baby will come before Match of the Day starts?

• If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing football.

• When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

• That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

• You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

• Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there.

AA MMaann ’’ssWWoorrlldd

* See pic A: The advantages of a big chested lady can be many –To shield from rain (cough, cough)! Can also work in opposite asshade from sun, for human man or for beer / lager…


30

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problemssubmitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

• Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. Engineer:Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

• Pilot: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Engineer: Auto-land notinstalled on this aircraft.

• Pilot: Something loose in cockpit Engineer: Something tightened in cockpit.

• Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineer: Live bugs on back-order.

• Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineer: Cannotreproduce problem on ground.

• Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineer: Evidence removed.

• Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineer: DME volume set to more believable level.

• Pilot: IFF inoperative. Engineer: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

• Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineer: Suspect you're right.

• Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineer: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

• Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineer: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

•Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on somethingwith a hammer. Engineer: Took hammer away from midget.

GROUND CONTROL TO...


Did you know...!Last year there were over 200 accidents, some fatal here in

Spain, that a dog loose in the car was a major contributing factor in the accident!

So the Spanish police have proactively issuing heavy fines to dog owners that allowtheir dogs in their cars without any form on restriction although restrainers that clip tothe dogs harness then into the seat belt are a good thing for some it should be said thatthe police still have finned owners because the dog is sitting on a seat.As it stands the only guaranteed way for drivers/dog owners to not be fined is to installa cage / crate in their car.

Cages/ travel crates nowadays come in a vast array of shapes and sizes for estate orhatchbacks but remember to always secure the cage to the anchor points in your carand if you are using a collapsible cage make sure that you strengthen it with goodstrong cable ties.

We transport pets through Europe on a regular basis; providing a compartment for petsis not only a legal requirement for us but it also ensures pets are totally free to movearound, feel safe & secure without feeling bound & attached.

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WHAT IS LYMPH NETWORK SPAIN?

Lymph Network Spain is a physiotherapy clinic specialising in the treat-

ment of lymphoedema.

WHAT IS LYMPHOEDEMA?

In simple terms lymphoedema is a chronic swelling. It most frequently occurs in

the arms and legs but can occur in the head, neck and genitals. Lymphoedema can be

divided into two types Primary and Secondary. Primary lymphoedema there is congenital malformation of the

lymphatic system. Secondary lymphoedema the cause is usually known e.g. Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI),

cancer, trauma or infection.

In medical terms lymphoedema results from a ‘mechanical failure of the lymphatic system’.

WHAT IS THE LYMPHATIC SYSTEM?

The lymphatic system is an extensive network of vessels and nodes and organs throughout the body. It trans-

ports fluid called lymph. Lymph contains fluid from the body’s tissues, fat cells, protein and foreign substances

e.g. bacteria and toxins. The constant formation and movement of this lymph keeps the human body in a state

of equilibrium.

In an intact lymphatic system the ability to transport lymph fluid is greater than the amount of lymph fluid pres-

ent therefore the state of equilibrium is maintained. In a poorly formed or damaged lymphatic system the equi-

librium is interrupted. The amount of lymph fluid present exceeds the transport capacity resulting in swelling -

lymphoedema.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF LYMPHOEDEMA

• Slow, progressive onset of swelling

• Swelling typically starts at the distal part of a limb e.g. hand or foot

• Swelling that is easily indented

• Swelling that does not respond to elevation, cold therapy or medication

• Rarely painful

• Heavy, uncomfortable

• Skin changes may occur

• Infection of the skin (Cellulitis)

WHO IS AT RISK?

• Family history of lymphoedema or unexplained swelling

• Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI) as a result of Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT)

• History of varicose vein stripping

• History of treatment for Cancer – lymph node dissection and/or radiotherapy

(If you have had treatment for cancer and have not received any information on how to reduce your risk of devel-

oping lymphoedema it is strongly recommended that you have a one off appointment for all the relevant advice

and education)

WHAT CAN LYMPH NETWORK SPAIN DO TO HELP YOU?

If you have already had a diagnosis of lymphoedema, are concerned that you may have it, or worried that you

may develop it Lymph Network Spain can help you. A thorough assessment will be carried out, all the necessary

advice and education will be given and if necessary treatment carried out.

The treatment available is Complex Decongestive Therapy (CDT). This consists of Manual Lymphatic Drainage,

Compression Therapy, Skin care and Exercise. Kinesio taping is also available.

Kirsty Cooke is a Preferred Partner of “medilink” and is a qualified Lymphoedema Specialist. Formore information on Kirsty or any of our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on 952 93 38 76

MMeeddiiccaall TTiippssLymph Network Spain


Are you fed up with trying to locate good, reliable and accurate information,unsure who to turn to when it comesto health and health related issueshere on the Costa del Sol...

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The Xanit & The Hospiten Estepona are now covered by Sanitas

Whether you require a worldwide policy, or healthcare for Spain only, Sanitas have the solution

Promotion: From 1 to 4 months freeDepending on number of insured persons.

All waiting times except childbirth to be waived.


WHY ARE ATHLETES WEARINGCOLOURED TAPE?

WHAT IS KINESIO TAPE...In the Euro 2012 Championship, Italian striker Mario Balotelli wassporting three tramlines of blue sticky tape on his back. And atWimbledon, Serbian tennis player Novak Djokovic has had hiselbow patched up with the same stuff. So what's behind this latest

sporting fad? The Japanese makers of Kinesio tape say it gives players an edge by mending injuries. Kinesio Taping gives support andstability to your joints and muscles without affecting circulation and range of motion. It is also used for Preventive Maintenance,Edema, and to treat pain.Kinesio Taping is a technique based on the body's own natural healing process. This Kinesio Taping exhibits its efficacy through theactivation of neurological and circulatory systems. This method basically stems from the science of Kinesiology, hence the name"Kinesio". Muscles are not only attributed to the movements of the body but also control the circulation of venous and lymph flows,body temperature, etc. Therefore, the failure of the muscles to function properly induces various kinds of symptoms.Consequently, so much attention was given to the importance of muscle function that the idea of treating the muscles in order to acti-vate the body's own healing process came about. Using an elastic tape, it was discovered that muscles and other tissues could behelped by outside assistance. Employment of Kinesio Taping creates a totally new approach to treating nerves, muscles, and organs.The first application of Kinesio Taping was for a patient with articular disorders.For the first 10 years, orthopedists, chiropractors, acupuncturists and other medical practitioners were the main users of KinesioTaping. Soon thereafter, Kinesio Taping was used by the Japanese Olympic volleyball players and word quickly spread to other ath-letes. Today, Kinesio Taping is used by medical practitioners and athletes around the world.The Kinesio Taping Method is applied overmuscles to reduce pain and inflammation, relax overused tired muscles, and to support muscles in movement on a 24hr/day basis.It is non-restrictive type of taping which allows for full range of motion. In contrast, traditional sports' taping is wrapped around a jointstrictly for stabilization and support during a sporting event obstructing the flow of bodily fluids as an UNDESIRABLE side-effect.Kinesio Tape is used for anything from headaches to foot problems and everything in between. Examples include: muscular facilita-tion or inhibition in pediatric patients, carpal tunnel syndrome, lower back strain/pain (subluxations, herniated disc), knee conditions,shoulder conditions, hamstring, groin injury, rotator cuff injury, whiplash, tennis elbow, plantar fasciitis, patella tracking, pre and postsurgical edema, ankle sprains, athletic preventative injury method, and as a support method.

If you would like to know more about Kinesio Tape and how it can help you please call me on: 606 867 821 / 952 937 301

Health & Well Being

38


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A Penguin walks into a bar: Penguin walks into ashop and asks the assistant: 'Do you have any

grapes?' 'No,' he replies. The same thing happensthe next day and on the third day the assistant

replies: 'No, and if you come in asking for grapesagain I will nail your flippers to the floor!' Next day the

penguin walks in and asks: 'Got any nails?' 'No,' replies the assistant. 'Got any grapes?' the penguin asks.

ANALYSE THAT: My therapist says I have a preoccupation withvengeance. We'll see about that.

The Parisian arT Thief: Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and outpast security, he was captured only streets away when his Eco car ran out of gas. Whenasked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, hereplied; (brace yourself, this is really bad.) “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the VanGogh.” (Told you!)

Bobby V’s Ms.Smith: Finding one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, theSunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I madeugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied,“Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

HA, HA, HE, HE...


44

Jennifer Brown, aged 62, a grandmother was thrilledto win second prize in a baking contest until shefound that her cake was the only entry. She was

awarded second place for her Victoria Sponge in thecompetition, reports the Mirror. She was intrigued to

find out which cake had beaten her to the top spot andit was then that she discovered the truth.

Organisers had spotted her sponge had rack marks from where it had been inthe oven and decided it wasn’t up to the standards demanded for first place.But grandmother-of-four Jennifer said she was not browned off and chuckled, “Imust admit I have never heard of coming second in a one horse race before.When a friend of mine told me I had come second I was quite pleased, both forgetting a prize and also because I just assumed they must have had moreentries. The cake hadn't been judged good enough to win the contest, but it wassoon polished off and there were certainly no complaints.”

Jennifer, who had entered the competition organised for her village carnival inWimblington, Cambridgeshire, added, “Although I have never heard of anythinglike this before I certainly didn’t take offence. I had a good laugh with theorganiser about it. It certainly won’t put me off baking cakes.”

A ONE CAKE RACE...

Tel: 952 839 074 Email: [email protected]

Citibox Elviria: Avda. DE LAS CUMBRES s/n, ELVIRIA 29604

citibox TM&

Why do you need a UK address? For all sorts of reasons. Sensitive documents like bank statements or credit cards; internet shopping at ASDA, Sainsbury’s, Argos or hundreds of UK stores; many eBay sellers only deliver to the UK; magazine subscriptions are far cheaper in the UK; Driving Licenses; Family presents and communication; Businesses who need a UK address; Many UK items (car parts etc.) are much cheaper; other things are not comparable in Spain like toasters and irons - so many reasons.....

Christmas is

Coming

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46

• Can you cry under water?

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

• Why do you have to "put your two cents in".... but it's only a "penny foryour thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

• What disease did cured ham actually have?

• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea a to putwheels on luggage?

• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

• If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Some thoughts . . .


48

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659

CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticedthe man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediatelymoved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a

grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amusedwhen on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she com-

plained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 yearsold) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn'thelp but notice her condition.

She sat under a sweets sign that said: "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said: "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling",and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick",and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

Australian Court Docket 12659


52

If the top of the range Ferrari or Rolls Royce notunique enough for you, speak to the manufactur-er and see what they can do for you, if yourpockets are deep enough!

McLaren Special Operations presented a breath-taking one-off supercar in August. Called the X-1, it has been created for an anonymous carenthusiast. It shares the same the majormechanical components as the 12C, includingthe twin-turbo 625BHP engine, and design inspi-ration came from Facel Vega, ChryslerD'Elegance Ghia, a Buick Electra, a Citroën SM.There were various examples of architecture -including the Guggenheim museums in NewYork and Bilbao - plus a Jaeger LeCoultre artdeco clock, an Airstream trailer, a Thomas MannMontblanc pen, a grand piano - and anaubergine.

Eric Clapton is such a huge fan of the Ferrari 512Berlinetta Boxer, he asked Ferrari to make a one-off tribute to the car called the SP12 EC.Essentially a heavily re-worked 458 Italia itreportedly cost nearly 4 million Euros to build. Itcontains several visual cues that evoke the orig-inal including two-tone paint, a wire-frame grilleand silver vents on the front hood.

Porsche created this car in 1983 for MansourOjjeh, the CEO of TAG Group, when TAG-Porsche made engines for McLaren cars inFormula 1. They modified a 911 Turbo to look likeone of their famous 935 "slant nose" racing carsand upgraded the engine to make more than 400horsepower. Porsche also loaded the car downwith luxury features like a high-end stereo.

The Sultan of Brunei has thousands of carsmany being designed and built specially for him,one of the most interesting is this Rolls RoyceDC Coupe built in 1996. He also has a fleet ofboth Bentley turbo R shooting breaks andFerrari 456 shooting brakes.

Bentley are on the verge of Launching the EXP-9-F and they say it is the first ever Bentley SUV– they must have forgotten about the sevenSUVs they built for The Sultan in 1994 called theDominator…………..

WHEN THE BEST ISN’TENOUGH...


54

• If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

• Why is "bra" singular and "knickers" plural?

• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horriblecrisp, which no decent human being would eat?

• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

• When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you arestopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

• If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a holein a boat?

• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotchwhen they ask where the bathroom is?

• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

• What do you call male ballerinas?

Some thoughts . . .con’ t


Marble FloorPolishingPhone Paul: 654 589 218

Free advice on how to care for your floors at

www.marblefloor.info

Before After

56

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME ANDMUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell.

Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.

He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you . . .you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

OAP Dating...


58

• Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

• If Wyle E. Coyote had e enough money to buy all those ACME products, why didn't he just buy dinner?

• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

• Is Disney World the only company operated by a mouse?

• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

• Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoidwhen it's in your bottom?

• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets annoyed, but when you takehim for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Some thoughts . . .con’ t

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November 1st : Tres Divos return for a fantasticnight of Opera and classical music @ Mijas Playa.

November 7th & 15th : Arran Harding sings andentertains you music to suit all @ Mijas Playa.November 8th : Vikki Reid will sing a wide range ofmusic to suit everyone @ Mijas Playa.

November 22nd : RAT PACK live from Las Vegas Trio@ Mijas Playa.

YOUR NIGHTLY ENTERTAINMENT @ Mijas Playa:Mondays: Frankie Valentine, Sings Swing - Tuesdays: Steve

Summers from the 60s to Michael Buble - Wednesdays: Changes weeklyThursdays: Cabaret Evening Entertainment changes weekly - Fridays: Piano Man, David Mairsfrom Rock n Roll to Love Songs - Saturdays: David Mairs and Peter Brooks Rock n Roll to LoveSongs - Sunday day: Frankie Valentine Sings Swing - Sunday evenings: Peter Brooks entertainswith Soul, Motown and Swing. Mijas Playa Restaurant, paseo Maritmo, La Cala De Mijas(0034) 952 493 749Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitableforages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.infoEvery Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pmfor coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all agestogether. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771Every Tuesday: Mum & Baby Pilates class at 11am at the San Roque International Nursery,Sotogrande with stimulating toys, ball pool and much more. www.pilatesparati.es Every Wednesday: Mums and Tots group in Coin will meet every Wednesday 9.30am-11.30amat Educanima Ball Park (opposite Mercadona). Play facilities for the kids and cafe for the parents. All welcome from any area and €1.50 per hour with monitors. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, CalahondaEvery Saturday: Costa All Stars Cheerleader classes now running Coin at Aqua Gym in LaTrocha. All ages in one class from 10.30am-12pm. Call Vanessa on 677 493 280.Every Saturday: The Wildside Forest School for Kids held every Saturday. 10am-12pm for aged 4-7 years and 1-3pm for 7-10 year olds. Two hour classes for children in nature. Tree rubbings,building a camp, safety, insects etc. See www.wildsidesurvivaleurope.com for info. Every Sunday: At the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm FAMA have a car boot sale.Every Sunday: There is a market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina (Puerto Deportivo deMarbella) on the Teresa Zabell Pier from 12:00-18:00Every Sunday: Santiago Restaurant Alhaurin el Grande - Traditional Sunday Lunch.Every Sunday: Barbeque night at Riviera Grand Palms Cyber Cafe, from 6pm, Families wel-come, loads of home cooked food from 7€, Calle Sirocco 370 Phase 7 Urb. Riveria del Sol, fol-low the signs from the lady in the bath, booking advised Tel 952 932 112.Las Casitas: Entertainment: Sunday: David Mairs - Keyboard/Guitar/ Vocals - Tuesday: SeanMuray - Irish Guitar Vocals - Wednesday: Franki B - (Heatwave) Soul Motown - Friday: Karaoke -Sunday Lunch: 1:00pm - 10:30pm.

If you have an event, fundraiser or anything else please let us know…

email: [email protected] or phone 951 216 131

WWhhaatt’’ss OOnnGuide

60


62

Castle Green Consultants S.L. are a claims and wealth management company based in Riviera del sol. We are next door to opencor just off the N340 with ample free parking in front of the office. One of the areas we specialise in is claiming compensation for our clients for their mis-sold UK mortgages. This has nothing to do with PPI (although we can also do those claims) it is solely linked to your mortgage.

If you have taken out a mortgage or re-mortgage in the UK after 1998 you could be due £000’s in compensation. This is because in October 1998 the sale of mortgages in the UK became regulated for the very first time but a lot of financial institutions, financial advisers and brokers continued to sell mortgages as they had done previously therefore breaking many of the new rules.

Most people believe that this will not apply to them but don’t be so certain. Ask yourself the following questions. Did you arrange your mortgage through a finan-cial adviser or broker? Was it an interest only mortgage? Was it with a sub-prime lender(not a high street lender)? Was it a council right to buy property? Did the mortgage go beyond your planned retirement date? Were you receiving state benefits at the time? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you could be owed £000’s. It will only take about 30 minutes to get the process started. Call Castle green Consultants on 952932 563 today.

Call us on 952 932 563

todaywww.castlegreenconsultants.com

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On a weekly basis, stories are appearing that there is a very real problem with our pensions. “The Telegraph” reports that due to falling investment returns and annuity rates, many are delaying their retirement as they simply can’t afford to stop working. “The Express” is even more chilling in its reporting, stating that millions face a retirement of poverty as annuity rates were cut 24 times this summer alone. The question you must ask is what can be done about it?

There is good news! As a British or Irish citizen now living in Spain, you can take a simple action to rectify your situation, which unfortunately your friends at home cannot. By transferring your pension to an overseas pension, fully approved by the UK and Irish governments, then you can start to take far more control of your future. Not only will you be able to take a larger tax free lump sum on retirement and receive your income gross of tax but you will also be able to choose how your money is invested – and therefore see better returns. If your pension pot can grow at just a few per cent more per year as a result of your investment choices, then this translates to a far higher income in retirement.

The larger pot alone should be enough to convince you to act and transfer your fund. In addition however, you can see the balance of your fund transferred to your loved ones at death, which often isn’t the case with UK and Irish pensions. This can also be done tax efficiently, depending on the funds you have chosen. All in all, the argument for transfer is overwhelming. In fact, the opportunity to do so is one of the very real benefits of having an ex-pat life.

The final and concluding point is that this transfer if done through ABD World Group is absolutely free – we will even give you an IPad for using our service!

For those of you who may be suffering financially during these difficult economic times, ABD World Group can help release funds from your pension. Up to 89% of your pension pot can be released to you if you need help with your business or due to redundancy. The details of this plan are in the advertisement on the facing page.

It is time to act to secure your future. Whether you require a release of funds or a simple transfer to a better pension product, please contact ABD World Group by phone at 952 768 316 or by e-mail at [email protected]


63

When it comes to heating, the company on

the coast to contact is: EnviroCare covering the

whole coast. Suppliers of quality heating and

cooling products since 1996, at competitive prices. Their engineers are compliant with the latest F

registration certification, and are fully trained.

Now is swimming pool heat pump season: make full use of your pool, or maximising rental

potential with a heated pool. Pool covers, rollers, and filtration systems can be supplied too.

October - is the time when guttering becomes very popular, minimising the water damage on

properties, helping to keep paintwork in great condition avoiding damp inside the property.

Air Conditioning, gives heating, cooling and dehumidifying in one slim-line unit. The inverter

models offer the latest technology, with low consumption. Instant heating, room by room. Or full

property climatisation with the ducted systems.

Ask about the range of Spanish basket gas fires, installed to the latest Spanish gas regulations.

Central heating gives wonderful background warmth. With a boiler and radiators, these

installations, planned by technical engineers to give optimum output and high performance.

Solar water heating, free hot water!

Servicing and repairs are a large part of the work carried out at

EnviroCare. All products carry a long guarantee, but they continually

repair makes and models fitted by other companies. And when any

machines are serviced regularly, the fact is, they become more

economical to operate, and have a longer life expectancy.

Envirocare: 00 34 952 663 141 or 00 34 670 409 759

[email protected]

SOSSOS

ecurityf

pain24 HOUR

LOCKSMITHS


66

During the service, the vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers,which had been answered.

A lady stood up and came forward.She said, "I have a reason to thank the Lord."

"Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle accidentand his scrotum was completely crushed."

"The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as theyimagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every movecaused him terrible pain.""We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.""They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum andwrap wire around it to hold it in place."Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imaginedthe horrible surgery performed on Jim.She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time,his scrotum should recover completely."All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyoneelse had anything to say.A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.He said, "I'm Jim and I would like to tell my beautiful blonde wife, the word is 'sternum."

Crushed sCrotum...

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A LAWYER HIS BROTHER & A LION: A lawyerand his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped

out in front of them and started snarling. The brothersaid “What should we do?” The lawyer said “I’m gonna run

for it.” The brother said “You can’t outrun a mountain lion!”The lawyer said “I don’t have to outrun him... I only have to out-

run You.”

How was I born?: A schoolboy was assigned an essay on childbirth and asked hisparents "how was I born?" "Well son..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the storkbrought you to us." "OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" heasked. Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?"he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by nowstarting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handedin his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "Thisreport has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." POOR GEORGE: A fellow comes home after golf one Sunday afternoon, falls asleep on thecouch, and doesn’t wake up until about 9 pm. His wife asks why he is so tired. “Well, Youremember George, my golfing buddy? He died today, on the fourth green.” “That’s terrible, itmust have been awful” she says. “It was,” he says, “For the next 14 holes it was drive, dragGeorge, chip, drag George, putt, drag George...”

HA, HA, HE, HE...


---

Central number for Fire,

Police & Ambulance 112

National Police 091

Local Police 092

Guardia Civil 062

dica

Emergency061

Ambulance Marbella

902 505 061

Ambulance Coin952 453 267

Marbella952 769 946

Coin

952 452 767

San Pedro952 787 700

Emergency number080

Marbella952 774 349

Estepona952 804 483Fuengirola952 461 046

British 952 352 300

Ireland 952 475 108

Denmark 952 226 373

Sweden 952 604 383

Germany 952 212 442

France 952 226 590

U.S.A 952 474 891

Marbella 952 771 442

Coin 952 822 818

Estepona 952 822 818

Fuengirola 952 467 457

San Pedro 952 785 252

Bus Stations

Marbella952 764 400

Coin952 450 366


Estepona

952 800249

For a list of complete timeswww.andalucia.com/travel/bus

Train Timetables902 240 202

Airports

Malaga952 048 844

Gibraltar956 773 026

Marbella952 761 100


La Cala de Mijas952 493 208

Fuengirola952 589 300

Estepona952 801 100

Monday - Marbella (fairground

site on east side)

Tuesday - Fuengirola (fair-

ground near Los Boliches)

Wednesday - Estepona (Avda.

Juan Carlos)

La Cala - Feria ground

Thursday - San Pedro

(Recinto Ferial)

Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama)

Friday - Alhaurin el Grande

(Bar Aquamania)

Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano

Pineda)

La Cala - Feria ground.

Sunday - Puerto Estepona

(Marina)

All the Cinemas listed below

show films in English as well

as Spanish. Call first to check

what is showing that week.

Marbella:Cinesur Plaza del Mar952 766 941

La Cañada902 333 231

Puerto Banus:Gran Marbella952 810 077

Coin:La Trocha951 315 039

FuengirolaCinesur Miramar902 221 622

24 hour chemist

Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz

Km 194. Marbella.

Tel: 952 83 25 89

Marbella Taxis952 774 488

Mijas Costa Taxis952 476 593

November 1st: All Saints day(Todos los Santos)

November 25th: ThanksGiving

November 30th: St. Andrew'sDay (Scotland only) - nationalcelebration of Scottish identityand culture

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 66970

ocal Info

Emergency Numbers

Medical

Health Centres

Fire Brigade

Consulates

Transport

Tourist Information

Town Halls

Markets Diary Dates

Cinemas

Chemists

Taxis


72

On November the 5th, people across the United Kingdom will become pyromaniacsfor the evening, lighting bonfires and setting off fireworks. This annual tradition is away of remembering the events of November 5th 1605 when a plot to blow up theHouses of Parliament, killing all inside it including the King, was foiled. One of themost famous conspirators of what became known as the Gunpowder Plot was GuyFawkes. Here are five fascinating facts we bet you didn’t know about him…

FACT ONE Guy Fawkes, or Guido Fawkes as he also liked to be known, was born on April13th 1570 in Stonegate in York. He was educated at St. Peter's School in York.

FACT TWO Guy Fawkes was an experienced soldier. Although he didn't fight for his country, he fought for the Spanishagainst the Dutch in the Netherlands. This is where he gained experience with explosives, and also where he decidedto call himself Guido, probably because it sounded Spanish.

FACT THREE Although Guy Fawkes wasn't the main conspirator in the Gunpowder Plot, he probably had one ofthe most important roles. A cellar below the Houses of Parliament was rented by the members of the plot which wasfilled with 36 barrels of gunpowder. There was enough gunpowder that it would have completely destroyed the build-ing and caused damage to buildings within a one mile radius of it. Guy Fawkes was in charge of guarding the gunpow-der, and, if he hadn't have been caught, would have been the person that lit it. It is claimed that, although there wasenough gunpowder to cause quite considerable damage, the gunpowder had actually "decayed" and, if it had beenlit, would not have exploded!

FACT FOUR During his involvement in the Gunpowder Plot, Fawkes called himself John Johnson and when he wasarrested and asked to give his name, this is the name he gave.

FACT FIVE An uninhabited island to the north of Santa Cruz Island in the Galapagos Islands is named Isla Guy Fawkes,or Guy Fawkes Island. Who knows why? Maybe he planned to escape there?

Strange but true...


MANUFACTURERS OF PVC & ALUMINIUM WINDOWS & DOORSAWNINGS, BLINDS, INSECT SCREENS, SECURITY GLASS ROOF PANELS

GARAGE DOORS, GLASS CONSERVATORIESPlease give us the opportunity to save you money on your next project, let us give you a FREE quote

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Telephone & Fax 952 805 267 Mobile 600 082 [email protected] - www.tecnoaluminio.com

SHOWROOM - Nueva Estebbuna, C/Monterosso, 82 Estepona (In front of the Wednesday Market in Estepona)

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74

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

Gemini

Taurus

Aries, this November is an important gear-shifting phase, you’ll probably feel a little tentative orself-protective at times as you intuitively gauge where your priorities lie and how best to move forwards.

The Lunar eclipse in Gemini on the 28th may have you learning something new or seeing a change in yourdaily life. From the 22nd lucky Venus will help you out materially in major or minor ways. Any negotiationsor one-to-one work will go well, and, some of you will shift into more commitment in a material or emo-tional sense, depending what you want. From the 22nd you’ll be in a less emotional, in a much more out-going mood and ready to checkout fresh possibilities and launch into new things. The end of the monthcould bring a flurry of invitations meaning you meet new people, if you are single you may be involved

in a hot new romance by January 2013…

SSTTAARR SSIIGGNNSSA look at what's in store for you during November.....

Taurus, this month, it’s not a time to be going it alone, so try and get the best out of partnershipsand co-operative alliances. You and someone could be hitting it off, bonding, negotiating a deal, forming

a united front or maybe it’s another type of alliance! Basically you cannot go forward as successfully on yourown. Love relationships and friendships will receive a boost this month your feelings may deepen this willbring intimacy. The Solar eclipse on the 13th brings a new beginning to close relationships meaning you tak-ing the initiative or being content to compromise. From the 22nd Venus is in her favourite place. You and aspecial someone could be bonding you will benefit from their presence, practical contribution or loving atten-tion. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th brings material issues to mind: finances, property or possessions need

to be integrated or put on a new footing.

Gemini, there’s a practical feel to this month and the physical aspects of life on earth will be high-lighted. It might mean dealing with more chores or niggly details, or, this may be the moment to get to

grips with health issues (yours or another’s) maybe a better diet and exercise regime. The Solar eclipse onthe 13th and the Lunar eclipse in your own sign on the 28th signals new beginnings for you personally andprofessionally over the following month. Communications – personal or professional, in close interactionsand collaborations are highlighted and you’ll probably be playing with ideas this month. Venus’s positionuntil the 22nd can mean more connection with young people, pets or partners and for some, it may meansharing admiring glances with another. Socialising may bring a romantic encounter if you are unattached,

if you are in a relationship why not treat the one you love to a night out on the town….

Pisces, this month, the Sun has entered a more adventurous, expansive area, which tends to raisethe spirits and helps you see outside of the box. Some of you may have itchy feet, and with increased

opportunities to escape the daily grind this is a good time to get out and about more. The Solar eclipse onthe 13th is in a good angle to your Sun sign and signals change happening through this area of your Solarchart over the months to come. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th offers the chance to rebalance your familycommitments and your worldly obligations over the coming month. Until the 22nd Venus could manifestas an influence, which helps you out materially to some degree. It’s probably a more financially or materi-ally brighter time, it’s also a good time to collaborate and pool resources. From the 22nd you will be tak-

ing your worldly responsibilities more seriously.

Aquarius, this month, you will probably be more conscious of your overall direction and howit may be affected by circumstances, other people and actions you are taking right now. For some reason

you may be more aware of your reputation or image, and how well you project yourself or package some-thing. You’ll be keener to make the right impression in certain situations and come across well in the eyes ofothers as you may feel a bit under the spotlight at times. It might mean you are dealing more with official-dom or bureaucracy. The Solar eclipse on the 13th opens the way to change and improve in this area overthe coming months. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th signals a fresh start. Long-distance relationships, publica-tions or education could encourage an area of interest, a relationship, or benefit you materially at this time.

Capricorn, as November kicks off it’s brings a busy and progressive phase when friendships, newcontacts or more involvement within a community or a group of kindred spirits is highlighted. This is peri-

od when you can further things which have been on the back burner for a long time. The Solar eclipse onthe 13th brings new beginnings. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means the green light for improvements relat-ed to daily duties, work and health matters. From the 17th Mars enters your sign, which means your ener-gy and decisiveness begin to increase. It also starts to increase activity around you. Vitality begins to improveand, whether you like it or not you now know what the objectives are and what you have to do aboutthem. Until the 22nd Venus is at the top of your Solar chart. Authority figures, parents or guardians will

tend to see you in a good light and there could be an ally to help you with your goals.


Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

A look at what's in store for you during November.....

Cancer, for much of this month there’s a brighter more spontaneous vibration around. This couldmanifest itself as an opportunity to do the kinds of things you enjoy, or things, which let you shine in your

own unique way. It could even put you at the centre of attention at times, so all eyes on you Cancer! Morecontact with children or animals is likely for some of you and for others; there could be more romance. TheSolar eclipse on the 13th is in a great angle to your Sun sign and means new beginnings affecting this creativearea over subsequent months. Get the ball rolling with things that (you hope) let you express the real you! The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means you may be doing more supportive work or tucking yourself awayand getting on with things in a private bubble over the 4 weeks following the Lunar eclipse.

Leo, the focus this month will be with family matters or social relationships. In some respectsyour gaze will tend to be more inwards and you may be pondering things and feeling things more deeply.

For some of you, links with the past may be felt in the present. The Solar eclipse on the 13th highlights changeover several months to come, meaning the chance to make a fresh start. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th couldbring new beginnings connected to friends and socializing lucky you Leo. From the 22nd Venus beams afriendly sociable light into the root of your chart. It could be a good time to benefit through a property dealyou will also do well when negotiating, buying/selling/promoting etc you’ll be very persuasive and Venushere can bring ‘grace, flow and fluency’ to your thinking and speaking. You will find joy getting more access

to the beauties of nature, decorating a space or digging a garden.

Virgo, this month, the Sun is in a sociable mood until the 22nd and you could be busy connect-ing with faces and places, corresponding, gathering/sharing information and probably running around

more and more. The Solar eclipse on the 13th means a fresh start with communications or creative self-expres-sion. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a clear path to push forward with your aims and ambitions. Untilthe 22nd Venus is in a materialistic area, which is about money and property, among other things. Overall,it means you can do well if you play your cards right and even better if you know how to manifest whatyou want. Venus tends to ease things materially and gives access to the path towards money or other good-ies! Teamwork could result in better health, an ego-boost, and a fatter piggy-bank – or both!

Scorpio, this is a powerful month for you with the Sun in your sign until the 22nd also the Solareclipse on the 13th. The eclipse signals something big with a chance to make a new start related to your

personal life and professional aims and ambitions. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a new cycle con-nected to who shares your personal life or whomever you rely upon for assets or financial security. You maybe watching the piggy bank, but you also may be striving to manifest whatever would be best for yourselfor others. Buying/selling, renting/leasing may also be on your mind. This would be a good moment to cap-italize on assets or to maximize your natural gifts. Venus is in the background until 22nd. You are more like-ly to have to do things on behalf of others at this time or you have to socialise when you really aren’t in

the mood.

Sagittarius, until the 22nd of November energies pull you towards things going on behind thescenes in your private life – perhaps to do with the past or maybe something you are working on right at

this moment. The Solar eclipse on the 13th signals a new beginning. Listen to your dreams, imagination andspiritual guidance to lead the way. Until the 22nd friends and acquaintances are supporting you as you moveforwards with something you have hoped for, maybe for a long time. Fresh associations, networking, groupgatherings or team efforts benefit from Venus’s sociable, helpful mood. From the 22nd Venus is in a morebackground area. You are more likely to have to do things on behalf of others you have to socialise whenyou really aren’t in the mood. Make the most of the positions you are thrown into, it may be that lady

luck is popping her head up to bring you very favorable chance meeting.

Libra, this month, finances, goods, property or anything, which affects your material security or phys-ical wellbeing, is likely to have your attention. You may be considering financial priorities, and casting around

for ways to stretch what you have or make more from it. Maybe some project or chore is on-going, develop-ing, but it needs your continued practical, nurturing attention to succeed. This may also be a good moment foryou to consider how to make the most of the patch of earth which is you Libra! The Solar eclipse on the 13th willbring new beginnings over the next few months. The Lunar eclipse on the 28th means a fresh start related tohigher education, publication or foreign connections. Fortunately for you, the planet of love, material success andphysical balance, Venus, is in your sign until the 22nd and there could be treats in the pipeline - You will be more

welcoming and attractive, good news for business as well as your personal life.


The Lost Man...A man gets off the bus looking for an address andapproaches a couple walking in the same direction fordirections. The woman says they're going that way and takehim. Along the way the man asks if they're related. Thewoman grins and says, "We're not strangers. This man'smother is my mother's mother-in-law." The man is confusedbut doesn't say anything. When he gets back home he tellshis wife about the conversation and she can't figure it outeither. They decide to ask their lawyer and he eventuallyworks it out with pen and paper. How are the couplerelated?

76

Brain Teaser

Say What You See...

Across:

1 Consternation (6)

4 Announce (8)

10 Clams, crabs and lobsters

for example (9)

11 Labor organization (5)

12 Lubricated (5)

13 Exciting (9)

14 Cold-blooded (7)

16 Make a melodic noise (4)

19 Skim or dart (4)

21 An ancient Egyptian

musical instrument (7)

24 Lip service (9)

25 Rot (5)

26 Enlist (5)

27 Naivete (9)

28 Hold spellbound (8)

29 Came up (6)

Puzzle It OutSolutionsSolutions

on page 92on page 92

Crossword

Down:

1 Dictatorial (8)

2 Sneaky (8)

3 Afflicted (5)

5 Engages for work again (7)

6 Matings (9)

7 Proofs of innocence (6)

8 Be in charge of (6)

9 Nipped (6)

15 Elemental (9)

17 Diagrammed outlines (8)

18 The highest heaven (8)

20 Of little importance (7)

21 Expression (6)

22 Cheddar or gouda, for

example (6)

23 Any incorporeal

supernatural being (6)

25 Furnishings of a room (5)

Sudoku

JACK GRA 12”VE


FFIINNAANNCCIIAALLEconomic & Currency News...

78

TThhee EEuurroo CCrriissiiss AA nneeww ssoouurrccee ooff bbaaiilloouutt ffuunnddss

The European Stability Mechanism formally superseded the euro zone’s temporary rescue fund the EuropeanFinancial Stability Facility in October. In September, the euro zone was hugely relieved when the German con-stitutional court turned down pleas to block the ESM. Yet there was little fanfare about the launch of the ESM.As he arrived, Olli Rehn, the European Commissioner in charge of the euro, could summon no more enthusi-asm than to say: “I am less pessimistic for the moment for the euro zone than in the spring.”

As so often in the course of the euro’s crisis, removing one obstacle only reveals the other blockages that liebeyond. Yet nobody is quite sure of the real power of the ESM, or of how and when it will be called into action.Klaus Regling, the new head of the ESM, said a final decision had yet been taken on whether the ESM could,like the older EFSF, leverage its lending capacity by means such as providing partial insurance against lossesfor those buying the bonds of vulnerable countries (one option being examined to help Spain while preservingfunds for other uses).

More seriously, Germany, Finland and the Netherlands are resisting the idea that the ESM could be useddirectly to recapitalise troubled banks in Spain and Ireland, thereby lifting the debt burden on their govern-ments. For now, the ESM will probably start lending money to the Spanish government in November so that itcan recapitalise banks on its own tab. The euro zone has already agreed to lend Spain up to €100 billion, butSpain now reckons it will need only about €40 billion of public money to fix its banking sector, or about 4% ofSpanish GDP.

Funded by paid-in capital rather than sovereign guarantees from states with a mixture of credit ratings, theESM is supposed to provide a more powerful tool than the EFSF. Its decision-making system is also meant tobe more flexible, permitting action to be taken in an emergency with 85% of votes cast (ie, only Germany,France and Italy could block a decision). The EFSF will continue lending to existing programme countries—Greece, Ireland and Portugal—and will run alongside the ESM while the new fund’s capital is built up to its fulllending capacity of €500 billion in 2014

Written by our financial expert James Alexander.If you would like fully regulated independent financial advice please contact us:

[email protected] or on 951 216 131 .


AAnnootthheerr bbaannkk!!!!!!Well the wheels are in motion to establish a new bank that will monitor and regulate all Euro zone banks,including banks in the UK, this in theory will stop the EU falling into the same crisis as it is now!!! All thiswill be in place by 2015, due to this news the Euro zone seems to have gone a little quite. Spain maybe ask-ing for a bailout on November, however this bailout will not come with further austerity as it did with Greece,who are now imploding as a nation. Madrid has played a very clever game, however Andalucía as a regionneeds a few billion to keep it going, even with this news the Euro has held its own against the USD and thepound.

Spain is cutting more jobs in the public sector, will there be anyone left working?Or perhaps every month will now be like August!!

To maximise the exchange on your funds and put more money intoyour pocket not the banks, speak with the experts Moneycorp andsee how they can help you. Moneycorp are now based in La Calaand welcome clients to their new office.

To find out how Moneycorp can help you when transferring fundsoverseas contact them on 034 952 587 657 or [email protected]

Please mention Costalink Magazine when contacting Moneycorp.

80


82

A woman was depressed at the fact shehad not had a date, nor any sex for quite

some time. Afraid she might have something wrong, she decided to employthe medical expertise of a sex therapist.Her personal physician recommended Dr

Chung, a well-known Chinese sex therapist.So she went to see him. On entering the

examination room, Dr Chung took one lookat her and said, "Hokay, take off aw your

crows."She quickly disrobed and stoodnaked before him. "Now," said Dr Chung,"get dow on your knees and craw reery

reery fass away from me to other side ofroom.Having done that Dr Chung said,

"Hokay, turn row and craw reery fass backto me." Once again, she obliged. Dr Chung

slowly shook his head and said,"Hokay, your probrem vaywe, vaywe bad,you got Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I

ever see, that why you have no dates, thatwhy you no get sex."Confused the woman

asked, "What is Ed Zachary Disease?"Dr Chung replied, "It when your face rook

Ed Zachary rike your @rse!"

I rang up Telephonica and said:

"I want to report a nuisance caller."

The operator said: "Not you again."

Four surgeons were taking a coffee breakand were discussing their work. The firstsaid, “I think accountants are the easiestto operate on. You open them up andeverything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are theeasiest to operate on. You open them upand everything inside is in alphabeticalorder.” The third said, “I like to operateon electricians. You open them up andeverything inside is colour-coded.” Thefourth one said, “I like to operate onMP’s. They’re heartless spineless, gutless,and their heads and their ass are interchangeable.”

I went to the doctor the other day andsaid: "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite.

TThheeJJookkeessppaaggee

Ms Pear &

Ms Strawberry

fled they just

weren’t in the

mood for

getting

fruity...


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84

KIDS STUFF


BBAARR && RREESSTTAAUURRAANNTT

Guide.....

86


Thai pumpkin soup Easy - Serves 6 Make the most of autumn's harvest with this warming, seasonal soup

Ingredients: • 1.5kg pumpkin or squash, peeled & chopped• 4 tsp sunflower oil• 1 onion , sliced• 1 tbsp grated ginger• 1 lemongrass , bashed a little• 3-4 tbsp Thai red curry paste• 400ml can coconut milk• 850ml vegetable stock• Lime juice and sugar, for seasoning• 1 red chilli , sliced, to serve (optional)

Method: 1. Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Toss the pumpkin or squash in a roasting tin with half theoil and seasoning, then roast for 30 mins until golden and tender.2. Meanwhile, put the remaining oil in a pan with the onion, ginger and lemongrass. Gently cookfor 8-10 mins until softened. Stir in the curry paste for 1 min, followed by the roasted pumpkin,all but 3 tbsp of the coconut milk and the stock. Bring to a simmer, cook for 5 mins, then fishout the lemongrass. Cool for a few mins, then whizz until smooth with a hand blender, or in alarge blender in batches. Return to the pan to heat through, seasoning with salt, pepper, limejuice and sugar, if it needs it. Serve drizzled with the remaining coconut milk and scattered withchilli, if you like.


INDIA LUCIAIndian Cuisine in Andalucia

Good Quality, Great ValueCalle Jerez Urb. Torrenueva

Tel: 951 40 76 95

INDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAINDIA LUCIAIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in AndaluciaIndian Cuisine in Andalucia

orrenueCalle Jerez Urb. TCalle Jerez Urb. Torrenue

, Great VGood QualityGood Quality, Great V

el: 951 40 76 95TTel: 951 40 76 95vaorrenue

alue, Great V, Great Value

el: 951 40 76 95

TraditionalChineseFood.Takeawaymenu.

special lunch menu only €6.95.

Open12.00-16.00and18.30-24.00everyday.

RivieraCommercial.Tel:952931737

GoldenSun

TraditionalItalianfood&grill.Freshpasta,

woodburningpizzaoven,Openeveryday

12-11.RivieraCommercial,Tel:952934496

MamaNostra

Alllivesportsandpremiereleaguefootball.SixTV’sandbigscreen.Fullmenu,Sundayroastandhomemadetapas.Largesunterrace.Open10am-

late,sevendaysaweek.UpstairsLosJarales,Calahonda

HarrysSportsBar

90

AAddvveerrttiissee

YYoouurr

BBaarr oorr

RReessttaauurraannttCall: 951 216 131


November 2012 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 10/24/12 9:34 AM

93


96

PPuuzzzzlleeIItt OOuutt SSoolluuttiioonnssFFrroomm PPaaggeess 1188 && 7766

Crossword Solution

teleweb – “Pay as you go” internetTeleweb Internet & Telephone, has been

providing wireless internet services since

2003, and in that time, has seen consistent

growth and added new exciting services to

its well established high speed 5GHz wire-

less internet service.

FLEXIBILITY: Because you do not need a

land line, you can have internet on a “Pay as

you go” system. There are flexible solutions

ranging from 1 hour to a permanent connec-

tion for someone who lives

here full time.

Do you have a wireless

internet system that you

are not happy with?

Teleweb will convert you

over to their service at no

cost. What have you got to

lose?

HAVE A UK No IN SPAIN!Teleweb offers a telephone

system (without the need

for a landline) with calls

from 1.8c per minute. It is just like a

Telefonica landline without the wires. No

need to have your computer on to make and

receive calls. Choose a telephone number

from your home country or just elect to have

a Malaga number. This system will work

anywhere in the world with the same low call

costs, you just need an internet connection.

For more information on any of the above,

please call Teleweb on 952 833 300 or

Email: info@teleweb-marbella.

teleweb internet & telephone just got better!

Just Say What You SeeJack in the box

One foot in the grave

Brain TeaserThe couple is either a man and his daughter

or an uncle and his niece.

Trivia Quiz Answers1) Fish 2) Deuteronomy

3) Bergerac

4) It Takes Two (baby)

5) Barbary 6) Suffolk

7) Humphrey Bogart

8) Italy 9) Silver

10) Uranium

11) Myanmar (Burma)

12) 5 13) Brazil

14) 6080 15) Crackerjack

16) Rupee

17) Zara Phillips

18) Dumb 19) Red

20) May

21) 2 22) September / October

23) Isle of Wight

24) Northern Ireland 25) Boyzone

26) Calligraphy (Graphology)

27) Pinocchio

28) International Standard Book Number

29) Toad 30) Vicar


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