coaching skills intro for ministry leaders
TRANSCRIPT
Coaching is harder than it looks, and easier than you think!
Tom Wymore
Coaching Definition
Coaching is a relationship based process that uses a set of listening-centered skills to draw out God's best in people by raising their sense of expectation, increasing their awareness of what's really happening and building their sense of responsibility.
Coach: Mentor, Sponsor or Counselor?
Understanding the difference enables us to be intentional about Coaching
• “A Mentor goes before and pours in” • Mentoring requires expertise in the area being
mentored
• “A Coach stands beside and draws out” • Coaching requires Coaching skills but not
expertise
• “A Sponsor stands behind and puts forward”• A Sponsor creates opportunity and challenges
initiative
How is Coaching different from counseling?
• Mainly in its orientation. Coaching is primarily oriented towards…
• Future rather than the Past
• Strengths rather than Weaknesses
• Potential rather than just Problems
Coaching works when…
• A coachable challenge exists
• A coach is as committed to the process as they are to the person
• A coachee is as committed to the process as they are to the result
Essential Coaching Skills
Skill #1
The first “skill” to keep in mind is Coaching’s goal, which is to build three things…
Expectation
Awareness
Responsibility
Skill # 2
• The second skill is to choose a model, pattern, process or cycle to guide your interaction (we have a long list of models. All contain a few essentials)
• G.R.O.W• 5 R’s• Kolb’s experiential learning model• O.S.K.A.R• A.R.R.O.W.• A.C.H.I.E.V.E
O.S.K.A.R.solution focused coaching
Outcome
Scaling
Know-how & Resources
Affirm & Action
Review
ARROW
• The next coaching model is known as the coaching ARROW as discussed by Matt Somers. The coaching ARROW is defined as:
• Aims• Reality • Reflection• Options’• Way forward
A.C.H.I.E.V.E.
• the ACHIEVE model of Dembkowski and Eldridge.
• Assess current situation• Creative brainstorming of alternatives to
current situation• Hone goals• Initiate options• Evaluate options• Valid action program design• Encourage momentum
Coaching Process
Review
Relate
Reflect Refocus
Resource
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3
Coaching Appointment
Clarify Action Steps
Celebrate and Evaluate
Listen and Ask Questions
CrystallizeKey Issues
What skills are needed to build:
Expectation
Awareness
Responsibility
Listening skills
• “I know that you think you understand what you heard me say, but I’m not sure you realize that what I said was not what I meant.”
-- Unknown
Listening is supported by two other primary skills…
• Asking Questions, and
• Giving Feedback
Core of the Coaching process
Ask,
Feedback,
Listen,
Feedback,
Ask,
Listen,
Feedback, etc.
“There are two aspects of listening in coaching. One is attention, or awareness. It is the receiving of information through what we hear with our ears, of course, but it is also listening with all the senses and with our intuition.
The second aspect is what we do with our listening. We call this the impact of our listening—specifically the impact of the coach’s listening on the client. As an experienced coach, you need to be conscious not only of your listening, but of the impact you have when you act on your listening.”
CO-ACTIVE COACHING, pp. 32 & 33
Use Discovery Listening!
• Summarize periodically – Without interpreting – Without evaluating
• Invite to say more– “What else?”– “Tell me more.”
• Unpack fully before giving your input
Effective Questions
1. are easy to understand2. can be answered briefly3. require thought [don’t be afraid of
silence]4. encourage disclosure5. are open-ended [ i.e., they don’t allow for
one-word answers ]6. flow out of the Coachee’s previous
statements7. “What” and “How” questions are to be
preferred over “Why” questions
Providing clear& frequent feedback
1. Restate “What I think I hear you saying is…” 2. Clarify “Here’s what I am hearing… Is that
correct?”3. Get a larger perspective “Let’s step back from
this and look at it from farther away.”4. Illustrate “This sounds like you are…”5. Acknowledge “You certainly took a big risk”6. Summarize “Let me recap what I have heard so
far.”
Refining Listening Skills
Keys to Listening Well…
1. Be Self-Aware
2. Be Self-Monitoring
3. Don’t answer your own questions!
4. Watch out for tendencies to tell stories
Refining Listening SkillsMore Principles for Good Listening…1. Believe in the power of listening2. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted3. Avoid passing judgment on what you are
hearing4. Demonstrate focus via eye contact and your
body language5. Encourage the one speaking to keep saying
more6. Feedback and questions both support and
grow out of the coach’s careful listening!7. Don’t be thinking of solutions or suggestions
while they are talking
Skill # 3
Three Levels of Listening1. Internal Listening• Listening to the words instead of the
other person with the focus on what it means to me
• Assessments, judgments, discernment and analysis are going on in my head
• The impact is on me – my own thinking and clarity. I am wondering what to say next. This does not lead to insights about the other person
Skill # 3
Three Levels of Listening• Focused Listening• Listening for understanding – what is
behind the words (values, qualities)• Attention is with the other person – being
more open and intuitive• Acting like a mirror – being reflective
about what is seen and heard
Skill # 3
Three Levels of Listening
1. Expansive Listening
• Being fully present and feeling free to explore possibilities
• Listening with all my senses
• Noticing whatever wants to be noticed and offering it to the other person without attachment
Think about it!!!
Identify 3 ways you are “listening challenged” - write them down
What solutions could you use to address your listening challenges?
Share your “listening challenges” and solutions with a partner.
Refining Question-Asking Skills
• What constitutes a good question? • Which of these would be good Coaching
questions? Why?
1. “Why are you not watching the ball?”
2. “Are you watching the ball?”
3. “Which way is the ball spinning as it comes toward you?”
4. “How high is it…as it crosses the net?”
Good Questions Will Help…
1. Bring Clarity
2. Expand Horizons
3. Explore Viewpoints and Options
4. Increase Awareness
5. Focus Priorities
6. Promote Action
Some Helpful Hints
• resist the temptation to fix things• Ask them to restate your comments
to help ensure understanding• Avoid leading questions • Don’t be thinking of the next
question while they are talking — this means you’re not listening!
• Try “Curious Questions”
INFORMATION GATHERING
CURIOUS
What topics will you include in the report?
What will finishing the report give you?
How much exercise do you need each week?
What would “being fit” look like for you?
What are the training options available?
What do you want to know that you don’t know today?
Use Curious Questions
The Purpose of Good Questions
Good questions raise awareness– Awareness is knowing what is happening
around you– Self-awareness is knowing what you are
experiencing.
Good questions result in people taking responsibility– Responsibility is ownership of the experience– Responsibility is ownership of the learning
Structuring Good Questions
• The wording of the question determines the wording of the answer.– The actual framing of a question
demands a coaches time, energy, and careful preplanning.
Structuring Good Questions
• The question must be designed with the other person in mind.– People tend to ask questions as if they
were to answer them themselves.– Remember that the language, the word
choice, and the direction of thought are for the sake of the one who must answer.
Characteristics of Good Questions
• PERSONAL
• CONSTRUCTIVE
• SINGLE-SPECIFIC
• SELECTIVE
• CLEAR AND BRIEF
• CONCRETE
Characteristics of Good Questions
• PERSONAL: Pronouns such as "you," "our," or "we" would be used.
• The pronouns used in the question will assist a person in taking responsibility.
Characteristics of Good Questions
• CONSTRUCTIVE: A question that elicits a positive, creative response. – A question, which asks for the "most
important improvement," is worth much more than one which asks for "our biggest weakness."
Characteristics of Good Questions
• SINGLE-SPECIFIC: Avoid any questions that split the focus of attention. Keep the sentences clear and to the point.
Characteristics of Good Questions
• SELECTIVE: Words like "one" and "best" and "most important" will help a person dip into his/her storehouse of information and come up with his/her best.
Characteristics of Good Questions
• CLEAR AND BRIEF: Few people have the ability to hear a complex question, translate it into their own thinking and hold it in their memories.
• When complexity overwhelms them, they tend to give up, or become confused or frustrated.
• A clear, concise question in the ‘language’ of the listener is the key link to a clear and concise answer.
Characteristics of Good Questions
• CONCRETE: – ask concrete operational questions
(think about a grade five student)– Use care when asking questions
requiring abstract thought– avoid hypothetical questions
• Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers
Feedback is Crucial
1. Positive
2. Accurate
3. Clear and Continuing
4. Positive
THE ULTIMATE COACHING VERSE
• My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” JAMES 1.9 [NLT]
Coaching Process
Review
Relate
Reflect Refocus
Resource
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3
Relate
• Establish coaching relationship and overall agenda.
• Key Ideas:– Trust– Clear purpose
• “How can I help you?”
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4
Relate: establish coaching relationship and agenda
• How are you doing?
• Where are you now?
• How can I be praying for you?
• What do you want to address?
• How can we work together?
Reflect
• Discover and explore key issues
• Key Ideas:– Interrogate reality
• Identify the “big rocks”
• “What needs to be addressed?”
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4
Reflect:discover and explore key issues
• What can we celebrate?
• What’s really important?
• What obstacles are you facing?
• Where do you want to go?
• How committed are you?
Refocus
• Determine priorities and action steps
• Key Ideas:– Bifocal vision– Action planning
• “What will you do?”
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4
Refocus: determine priorities and action steps
• What do you want to accomplish?• What are possible ways to get there?• Which path will you choose?• What will you do?
- who, what, where, when, how
• How will you measure your progress?
Resource
• Provide support and encouragement
• Key Ideas:– What do you have?– What do you need?
• “How can you move forward?”
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4
Resource: provide support and encouragement
• What resources do you already have to accomplish your goals?- people, finances, knowledge, etc.
• What resources will you need?
• What resources are missing?
• Where will you find resources you need?
• What can I do to support you?
Review
• Evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans
• Key Ideas:– Look back on progress– Learn from experience– Determine what’s next
• “What can we celebrate?"
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 4
Review: evaluate, celebrate, and revise plans
• What's working?
• What’s not working (or didn’t work)?
• What are you learning?
• What needs to change?
• What further training would be helpful?
• What's next in our coaching relationship?
RELATE
Unit 1 (30 minutes)
Page 7
Coaching 101 Handbook
• Summarize periodically – Without interpreting – Without evaluating
• Invite to say more– “What else?”– “Tell me more.”
• Unpack fully before giving your input
Use Discovery Listening!
Coaching 101 Handbook – Page 6 (blank page)
Key Actions: RELATE
• Coaching relationship and process defined.• Compatibility of coach and leader assessed.• Rapport and mutual respect established.• Trusting relationship begun.• Coaching agenda and guidelines
determined.
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 13
Evaluation
• What appeared to be happening with each person during the conversation?
• What was the dynamic of energy?
• How did the body language change?
• How did questions work to uncover deeper reflection?
REFLECT
Unit 2 (60 minutes)
Page 21
Coaching 101 Handbook
Key Actions: REFLECT
• Deeper understanding of key issues gained.
• Issues sorted by importance/urgency.
• Priority issues identified and agreed upon.
• Commitment to address issues obtained.
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 25
Reflect Tools
• What God Has Called You To Do• Priority Clarification• Balancing Personal Roles and Priorities • Ministry Evaluation• Understanding Key Issues
Coaching 101 Handbook – Pages 26-31
REFOCUS
Unit 3 (40 minutes)
page 35 in the
Coaching 101 Handbook
Coaching 101 Handbook
The key to increasing coaching effectiveness…
…is preparation before the session!
Key Actions: REFOCUS
• Vision clarified• Possible solutions brainstormed• Decisions made according to priorities.• Commitment to action confirmed• Change dynamics considered• Action steps determined and timeline
developed• Accountability structure agreed upon
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 41
Think about it…
• Who do you want to invest in?
• How can you prioritize coaching in your schedule?
• What will you stop doing to free up time and energy to focus?
RESOURCE and REVIEW
Unit 4 (75 minutes)
Resource - Page 49
Review -
Coaching 101 Handbook
Abundance or scarcity?
• God provides all that we need to do what God has called us to do.
• Our mindset is very important – abundance mentality vs. scarcity mentality
• Perspective: If God wants you to do something, then God has already provided what you need to get started.
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 48
Key Actions: RESOURCE
• Existing resources assessed• All resource needs brainstormed• New resource(s) identified to accomplish
goals• Where and how to find new resources
determined• Role of coach clarified and confirmed
(pg.54)
REVIEW
Page 59
Coaching 101 Handbook
Key Actions: REVIEW
• Action plan and process evaluated
• Progress celebrated
• Learning maximized
• Midcourse corrections made
• New projects identified
• Coaching relationship evaluated
• Pray together – provide spiritual encouragement and prayer
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 65
Coaching Process
Review
Relate
Reflect Refocus
Resource
Coaching 101 Handbook - Page 3
Coaching Appointment
Clarify Action Steps
Celebrate and Evaluate
Listen and Ask Questions
CrystallizeKey Issues