BURT: “Do you promise to let our daughter be fat or

skinny or any weight at all? Because we want her to be

happy, no matter what. Being obsessed with weight

is just too cliché for our daughter.”

VERONA: “Yes, I do. Do you promise, when she talks, you'll listen? Like, really

listen, especially when she's scared? And that her fights

will be your fights?”

BURT: “I do. And do you promise that if I die some embarrassing and boring

death that you're gonna tell our daughter that her father

was killed by Russian soldiers in this intense

hand-to-hand combat in an attempt to save the lives of 850 Chechnyan orphans?”

VERONA: “I do. Chechnyan orphans. I do. I do.”

WHY DON’T WE SEE THESE COUPLES ON TV?

OR IN MOST MOVIES?

OR EVEN IN MANY BOOKS?

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY ARE RARE.

AS RARE IN REAL LIFE

AS THEY ARE

IN WORKS OF FICTION.

AND THIS ISN’T AT ALL GOING TO BE A

“MAN, JOHN KRASINSKI IS SUCH A DREAMBOAT;

I WISH HE WAS MY BF!”

BECAUSE THAT’S JUST TOO CLICHÉ,

FOR THIS DAUGHTER.

IT IS

HOWEVER

A LAMENT

OF SORTS.

THE IMAGES THAT WE SEE

OF LOVE

AND LONG-TERM COMPANIONSHIP

ARE RIFE

WITH ALL KINDS OF

CRAZYCRAZYCRAZYCRAZY

CRAZY.

AND WE ARE TAUGHT THAT

LOVE IS

HOLDING A BOOMBOX BLASTING PETER GABRIEL

OVER YOUR HEAD

OR BONING WHOOPI GOLDBERG

BECAUSE THE GHOST OF

PATRICK SWAYZE

IS INSIDE OF HER…

!!!

SEE?

ALL KINDS OF CRAY-ZAY.

AND EVEN WHEN I KNOW BETTER,

BECAUSE I HAD THE WARMESTGENTLEST

MOST BEAUTIFUL EXAMPLE

OF LOVE

AND LONG-TERM COMPANIONSHIP

IN THE HOMES IN WHICH I GREW UP,

I AM ALSO REMINDED

ON THE DAILY

THAT LOVE IS

WITH THE FOCUS

SO LARGELY

ON ALL OF THE

CRAZY

AS IF THE CRAZY

WAS PROOF

OF REAL LOVE.

WHERE ARE THE MAYA RUDOLPH WOMEN THAT KNOW

WHO THEY ARE AND WON’T MARRY JOHN KRASINSKI WHEN HE’S HAVING A CRAZY SPELL BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT

SHE BELIEVES?

OR THE JOHN KRASINSKI MEN THAT GO DOWN ON THEIR GIRLFRIENDS ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN THEY TASTE

DIFFERENT?

OR THE MAYA RUDOLPH WOMEN THAT ARE MATURE

ENOUGH NOT TO JUDGE THEIR PARTNERS WHEN THEY CODE-

SWITCH WHILE TALKING TO THEIR BOSS?

OR THE JOHN KRASINSKI MEN THAT WILL CALL THEIR

PARTNERS CUNTSUCKERS LOUDLY

ON A CROWDED TRAIN?

(TO GET THE BABY’S HEART RATE UP, DUH…IT’S REALLY A

SWEET SCENE.)

OR THE COUPLES THAT HAVE MUCH MORE TO THEM

THAN THE LOVE THEY’RE IN.

SEE?

ALL KINDS OF CRAZY.

AND I’M NOT TRYING TO DENY THAT THE CRAZY EXISTS,

BECAUSE IT SURELY HAS ITS PLACE

IN LOVE

AND LONG-TERM COMPANIONSHIPS

BUT MY FRUSTRATION LIES IN THE FACT THAT WE FOCUS SO MUCH ON THESE EMOTIONAL

HIGHS AND LOWS, WITH IMAGES OF THE CRAZY

BOMBARDING OUR EYES AND HEADS AND HEARTS,

THAT WE FORGET THAT WHEN WE ARE IN LOVE

REAL LOVE,

WE FEEL ENOUGH SECURITY IN OURSELVES AND OUR

PARTNERS

THAT WE DON’T NEED TO FOCUS

ON THE LOVE THAT WE ARE IN,

JUST AS WHEN WE ARE IN GOOD HEALTH

WE DON’T NEED TO FOCUS SO MUCH ON

BREATHING IN

BREATHING OUT

BECAUSE IT IS NATURAL, SECOND-NATURE,

A PART OF US.

AND THOUGH BREATHING IS VITAL,

WHEN WE ARE IN GOOD HEALTH,

WE FOCUS ON OTHER THINGSAND WE CAN DO THOSE

THINGS BETTER,

BECAUSE WE AREN’T PREOCCUPIED WITH

OUR BREATHING.

AND MAYBE IF WE SHIFTED OUR FOCUS

IN OUR WORKS OF FICTION

OUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS

WOULD BE LESS

CLICHÉ.