Rainbow

Getting to know you

There are many layers of communication in a conversation.

There is a conversation we see and hear.

There is a parallel conversation on a deeper level that contains ideas of self-concept, culture and values.

Five Basic Elements

Initiation

Preview

Point

Feedback

Closing

The Parallel Conversation

Culture

Status

Value judgments

Prejudice

Initiation

Can be non-verbal. Cordelia indicated her openness to a conversation by first sharing her textbook with Buffy.

Verbal initiation can be as simple as introducing yourself, as Cordelia did after the bell rang.

Polite-social touch often includes a handshake or kiss on the cheek.

Preview

The preview is an indication of what the conversation will be about.

Cordelia asks Buffy if she just moved from Los Angeles. This opening statement indicates that the conversation will be a getting to know one another session.

Self-disclosure

Point

What is the main point of the conversation?

For Cordelia, it is to introduce herself to the new girl and learn a bit more about her.

Buffy is also looking to make new friends and find out where the library is located.

Cordelia gives Buffy a quick quiz

Feedback

The feedback stage is a brief summary of the conversation

After testing Buffy on her coolness factor, Cordelia again reinforces the importance that Buffy steer clear of the losers after the incident at the water fountain with Willow.

Buffy's feedback is primarily non-verbal, with nods or smiles indicating that she heard what Cordelia said.

Conclusion

Wrapping up the conversation

Cordelia indicates that she will see Buffy later in gym and also invites her out to the Bronze.

Cordelia states that she is looking forward to learning all about Buffy when they meet again.

The Parallel Conversation

Culture

Status

Value judgments

Prejudice

Culture

Cordelia's quiz about popular symbols is a way of determining if she and Buffy share a similar culture.

Status

Status is your position or social rank in relation to others.

Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are.

Cordelia's self-concept is as a popular, cool kid.

Cordelia is testing Buffy during the conversation to see if Buffy's status should be cool or loser.

Value Judgments

Cordelia assumes similarity with Buffy based on the answers to the pop culture quiz.

Cordelia believes herself to be a cool kid, so if Buffy looks and acts like a cool kid, then they must share the same values.

Buffy's non-verbal communication indicates otherwise, as seen when Buffy looks concerned that Willow appeared hurt and confused by the incident at the water fountain.

Prejudice

Prejudice is a negative preconceived opinion that guides social behavior.

Cordelia mentions the losers several times.

Willow is considered to be part of a different culture, and judged negatively for it.

Final Thoughts

Communication is made up of many layers

We sometimes communicate our values, beliefs and culture without ever saying a single word.

Assuming similarity based on just one or two shared traits will rarely mean those people will also share the same value set.

Your next new friend might be somebody totally unexpected, so keep an open mind!