assessing pupils’ progress in english at key stage 3...

Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Standards File Pupil 20 Writing

Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Standards FilePupil 20 Writing

First published in 2008 Ref: 00705-2008BKT-EN

Disclaimer

The Department for Children, Schools and Families wishes to make it clear that the Department and its agents accept no responsibility for the actual content of any materials suggested as information sources in this publication, whether these are in the form of printed publications or on a website.

In these materials icons, logos, software products and websites are used for contextual and practical reasons. Their use should not be interpreted as an endorsement of particular companies or their products.

The websites referred to in these materials existed at the time of going to print.

Please check all website references carefully to see if they have changed and substitute other references where appropriate.

HER

TFO

RD O

FFSE

T LT

D 1

2-20

08

1The National Strategies | Secondary Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Pupil 20 Writing

© Crown copyright 2008 00705-2008BKT-EN

Pupil 20 – Year 9 – Secure level 7

Writing

Collection of pupil’s work

Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3

Note to accompany Key Stage 3 English Standards Files

This is one of a series of materials known as the Standards Files which has been revised for publication in 2008.

The Standards Files for reading and writing are a central part of the APP (Assessing Pupils’ Progress) approach. Their main purpose is to exemplify standards by giving guidance on accurate assessments and acting as a resource and reference point for teachers. Each Standards File includes:

examples of pupils’ ongoing classroom work, which have been assessed to exemplify the •APP approach and show national standards;

commentary on the evidence at assessment focus (AF) level, which leads to a summative judgement •on the pupil’s work;

the assessment guidelines sheet that records both a profile of attainment across the AFs and a •National Curriculum level for the attainment target.

Key changes that have been made to the revised Standards Files are:

The incorporation of AF7 for reading;•The use of three sub-levels: low, secure and high.•

21 Standards Files for reading and writing in Key Stage 3 are available covering National Curriculum levels 3–8.

More information about the Standards Files and their use may be found in the Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Teachers’ handbook (Ref: 00643-2008BKT-EN).

2 The National Strategies | Secondary Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Pupil 20 Writing

00705-2008BKT-EN © Crown copyright 2008

Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’Task 1

Dramatic short opening sentence effectively engaging the reader’s attention (AF5/6 L7 b1)

A Brother’s Murder

Her eyes were the thing that killed me. Those beautiful, deep blue eyes, which sparkled with joy each day, were gone. Instead they stare with horror, �xated horror, bloodshot and still. She was dead. But I did not know why.

Of course I saw the blood on her neck, and the knife lying on the �oor of the hut. I had already covered my two sons with the blanket which was my bed. They had had the world of opportunity, and it had been destroyed for no earthly reason. I did not know if the tears in my eyes were of smouldering anger, or sheer helplessness. I could not think. All I knew was that I was alone. Completely alone.

I kept it quiet. I could not let anyone, save one man. His name was Jacav, I had known him since we were boys. But even then I could not tell him the whole truth. He was the Chief’s youngest son, and this matter was of such importance that it would be surely to be told to his father. But of my own personal feelings, he was an extremely loyal man.

I had told him my wife – my beautiful wife – was going to die, and I told him my sons – my little boys – had ran o� in shock of it. But above all else, I told him what I wanted to do. He nodded his head as though it was of little consequence, but I saw in his eyes the same sadness, the same cold, icy feeling that crept over me when I had walked into the hut that very morning.

I walked back through the town, oblivious to the people passing me. So much, even, that I cut my foot, even through my skin boots, on a knife which stuck out of the ground, I knitted my brow. Who would drop a knife in the middle if a busy path? I limped to a ditch on the right of the lane and sat down on the muddy grass, �inching. The pain was excruciating. Blood ran down my �ngers as I tried to wind the remains of my boot around my foot so I could walk again. Suddenly, a tall �gure came into view. It was Movaf, my brother.

His eyes sparkled madly as he talked to me. At the end of every sentence he smirked and expressed a full set of crooked black teeth. As black as his heart.

“Sorry,” he sneered, lifting the knife from the path and wiping my blood on his white shirt before returning it to his belt, “must have slipped.” Beads of sweat broke on my forehead, and my foot started to throb painfully. He knelt down, curled his upper lip and said with a hiss, “How’s Sera?” I felt my eyes water. I gulped. My eyes rested again on my blood on his shirt.

Variety of sentence forms crafted to support the overall development of the narrative (AF5/6 L7 b2), despite some rare blemishes in the control of syntax

Accurate sentence forms, with some variety in the use of first person constructions, continue to be deployed imaginatively to achieve purpose and effect, well supported by a range of punctuation used for clarity and emphasis (AF5/6 L7 b1)

Short sentences deployed for effect (AF5/6 L7 b1)

Sentence of some individual merit, using range of clauses and repetition, with significant implications in terms of development of the text/ending (AF5/6 L7 b2)

Vocabulary imaginatively matched to purpose (AF7 L7 b1) and used for rhetorical effect - repetition of ‘black’



Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’ (continued)Task 1 (continued)

“Fine – she’s – she’s �ne. And the children – they’re �ne too. Thank you.” Movaf rose up to his full height, gave a snide look and set o� down the track.

I could not help but notice his hand waver towards his belt again as he looked at me.

And then I understood. Movaf had always been jealous of me. Everything I had – my wife, my children, my happiness – he had lost. But now it seemed like the blood in my veins were ebbing away like the sea, creeping up the shore just to retreat again, Every time I tried to clear my mind of the spots of hatred, and anger, and confusion, I was washed away by another savage thought sneaking up on me. I had loved Movaf, loved him not just as a brother, but as my best friend – and now that face that once laughed and listened I mirth was that of a corpse. His sunken eyes seldom woke from their immortal dull stare, and his lips never smiled. I knew he had killed my family. And he had killed them out of jealousy. It was strange to think that our brotherhood could be completely ruined by the hand which once helped me recover from many falls.

***

The stars were veiled that night. I could feel a thick blanket of silence coating the land before me like the ever nearing sunrise I would never see. The moon did not set sail that night and she not do so again. As I looked over Tolla from the boggy, swampy hillock, I smiled weakly. Small pinpricks of �relight would be the stars tonight. It all seemed so friendly, so warm and so harmless, but I knew in my heart there was no other place that possessed more malice.

I came to the foot of the great oak tree, standing like a watchman to the town below it. I looked up and saw the plaited skin noose that hung from the branch above me. I thanked Jacav for the world – he had done what was asked of him. I was naked. I wanted to die as I had been born, with exception for my cap and my belt, which were both presents from my beloved Sera. Sera…

I climbed up to the branch where the noose hung. I sat on another bough, the noose around my neck. I tightened it and swallowed hard. This was it.

I imagined those beautiful eyes shining like stars in front of me, those alluring, bewitching eyes that I longed to gaze in once more. I was going to see them again. I was to see her again.

I jumped.

Range of vocabulary varied and ambitious (AF7 L7 b2) with correct spelling throughout (AF8 L7 b1)

A range of features – embedded phrases/clauses, antithesis, repetition, punctuation – used to craft sentences of individual merit that contribute to the development of the text (AF5/6 L7 b2)



Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2

In the first paragraph, the opening dramatic short sentence engages the reader’s attention and is followed by a variety of short sentences that control information flow and help to position the reader (AF3 L7 b2) in terms of narrative development and the repeated references to the eyes create a ‘chain’ that supports cohesion (AF4 L6 b2).

Paragraphs 2, 3 and 4 maintain a well-judged and distinctive narrative voice (AF1/2 L7 b2), continuing to convey information succinctly while managing its flow to the reader (AF3 L7 b2).

The length of paragraphs 4, 5 and 6 show how the use of paragraphing is integral to meaning and purpose (AF4 L7 b1) with the endings to paragraphs 5 and 6 deliberately shaped for different effects (AF4 L7 b2).

In paragraphs 7 and 8, narrative development is supported by the use of dialogue - another successfully adapted convention effectively deployed for purpose and effect (AF1/2 L7 b1).

Paragraph 9 is deliberately short for emphasis (AF4 L7 b2) and to set up the disclosures in paragraph 10 that bring an end to this section - a flow of information that rapidly increases to reveal those aspects of plot and character that have been managed thus far through hints and allusions (AF3 L7 b1).

The final section deploys paragraphs of varied length and complexity to match narrative pace (AF4 L7 b1), gradually bringing the reader to a full understanding of the situation (AF3 L7 b2). The first person ‘voice’ and perspective are sustained until the end (AF1/2 L7 b2).

Summary comment

Throughout this well-paced narrative, at whole text, paragraph and sentence level, aspects of the level 7 criteria are confidently fulfilled. A range of sentences structures, accurately punctuated (AFs 5/6), deliver a well-shaped and managed flow of information to the reader (AF3) to achieve purpose and effect. Individual paragraphs are carefully crafted for impact (AF4). All these features contribute to the imaginative and successful adaptation of form and style (AFs 1/2) that engages and sustains the reader’s interest. The choice of vocabulary is consistently ambitious and imaginative (AF7 L7) and there is correct spelling throughout (AF8 L7).



Newspaper report: ‘Danish Discovery Shocks All’Task 2

Danish Discovery Shocks AllScientists and police alike had an astonishing experience in Denmark last week as they found a 2000 year old corpse seemingly hidden in a peat bog last week, write Ruth Long.The corpse has been hailed ‘The Tollund Man’ since it was found last Thursday, in the small Village of Tollund by local labourers digging for earth. Two brothers, Viggo and Emil Hoejgaard unearthed this magnificent historical body by accident in a peat bog at around 10 o’clock on Thursday night last week. The bog is on top of a hill slightly over-looking the town, with nothing but a few trees standing from the ground. But is soon became a place for curios-ity. “It was like something from a horror story,” explained Viggo Hoejgaard, 34, “We saw the body, and it looked so lifelike and well preserved that we thought this person was a victim of a recent murder. Of course, we phoned the police at once.” However, police had heard the description of the body and thought to bring some scientists down from a local university, as another Iron-Age body had been found not far away from this location. As soon as the scientists arrived, rumours were confirmed that the body of an Iron Age man, who had been extremely well-preserved.

“I think everyone was surprised,” said Professor P.V Glob, from nearby Aarhus University, “It is a magnificent unexpected find. He is probably one of the most well-preserved Iron-Age persons ever discov-ered.” As you look down at ‘the Tollund Man’ you notice the expression on his face. It is one of peace, and sleep. However, as you look more carefully at the man, you find a more grisly and gruesome explanation to why he was there. A noose is tied around his neck. And the most obvious question that is being asked is, “How did he get here?” and “Why was he here?” It is very hard to find proof of how and why the Tollund man was there, but many Scientists have their theories. Many believe that the man was a rich or religious man who was ritually sacrificed, and scientific evidence gives the description of his last meal was a soup, full of seeds and plants. This probably considered wealthy food at this time, and so it could prove the above theory, However, others believe he was ritually sacrificed, but he was simply a criminal who was hanged and buried in the peat bog. The age of the Tollund Man’s age is estimated to be around forty years, his body

height a mere one hundred and sixty centimeters, which is Rather small, even for a man in his time. He was so well-preserved that his hair could be seen underneath a leather cap that he wore, as well as a leather belt around his waist. You can even see short stubble on his upper lip, chin and cheeks. This archaeological find was simply luck, but it caused great excitement from all over the world. The Tollund Man is definitely one of the most fascinating pieces of Iron-Age history in the world. If you require more information, Professor P.V. Glob has recorded his report of the Tollund Man in his book called The Bog People.

Key information is conveyed succinctly through the use of sentence forms deploying embedded phrases and clauses effectively for purpose and impact (AF5 L7 b1)

Syntax and a range of punctuation are consistently accurate in a variety of sentence forms (AF6 L6 b1)

Vocabulary chosen for its appropriateness to purpose and audience (AF7 L6 b1)

Correct spelling throughout, including ambitious and complex words (AF8 L7 b1)



Newspaper report: ‘Danish Discovery Shocks All’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2

The introductory/subheading/first paragraph immediately establishes a sense of purpose and audience at an appropriate level of formality for a newspaper report (AF1/2 L7 b3), despite the slight blemish of the repetition of ‘last week’.

Material in paragraphs 2 and 3 is clearly controlled and sequenced to sustain the reader‘s interest (AF3 L6 b1) and structured into paragraphs that support meaning and purpose (AF4 L6 b1). Information is imparted clearly and precisely in an authoritative tone, establishing and sustaining a clear perspective throughout the report (AF1/2 L7 b2).

Throughout paragraphs 4, 5, 6 and 7, a range of conventions appropriate to purpose and form such as eyewitness comment and ‘expert’ opinion, are well controlled (AF1/2 L7 b1). These devices skilfully manage the information flow (AF3 L7 b2) and so pace the reader through the material (AF3 L7 b1). Within these paragraphs, cohesive devices – ‘Of course…’; ‘As soon as…’; ‘In fact…’; ‘However…’ – contribute to emphasis and effect (AF4 L6 b2).

There is a repetition error in the link between paragraphs 7 and 8, but the last two paragraphs maintain the clearly established viewpoint (AF1/2 L7 b2) and paragraph 9 draws together the threads of a range of information in an effective conclusion (AF3 L7 b1).

Summary comment

Throughout this report, information is organised and presented clearly at whole text (AFs 1/2), paragraph (AFs 3/4) and sentence (AFs 5/6), in ways that are appropriate to form, purpose and audience, securely fulfilling the level 6 criteria. The handling of the conventions of the newspaper report (AFs 1/2), the establishment of a consistent point of view (AF1/2) and the control of the flow of information to pace the reader (AF3) are all particularly skilfully managed, thereby addressing aspects of the level 7 criteria. These strengths are supported by a range of vocabulary that is consistently appropriate (AF7) and correct spelling throughout (AF8).



Literary essay: SkelligTask 3

Variety of sentence types deployed to achieve purpose (AFs 5/6 L7 b1)

Accurate syntax and full range of punctuation (AF6 L6 b1)

Embedded clauses and punctuation employed to craft a sentence of some individual merit within the development of the argument/text (AFs 5/6 L7 b2)

Vocabulary well-matched to purpose (AF7 L7 b1) and judiciously chosen (AF7 L7 b2)

Analyse the character of Skellig. What do we learn about him in thenovel Skellig by David Almond? Refer closely to the novel in your answer.

Skellig is the most detailed and imaginative character in ‘Skellig’. The first time that readers have a description of him is in the second paragraph of the novel. This first commentary of Skellig is vague, but it is very intriguing. Skellig is expressed as: ‘filthy, pale and dried out … I thought he was dead.’ This is a very negative and unpleasant sketch of Skellig, and it seems he resembles death from this quotation. It also implies that the contrast of Skellig’s character: ‘pale’ and ‘filthy’ nearly opposites, pale being connected with white, and filthy being so with black, or brown. The phrase ‘dried out’ suggests something like a wilting flower, which once was blooming and full of life, and now drying up and dying. As the novel goes on, Almond repeats certain phrases outlining Skellig’s appearance. One of these is: ‘He laughed, but he didn’t smile.’ This signifies a bitter resentment from Skellig, that he is very pessimistic, and in a way, turning his back on the world. On the other hand, towards the end of the novel, Skellig is introduced as a warmer, angelic character. This is somewhat referred to in Mina’s words: ‘You’re beautiful.’ This illustrates the fact that although Skellig maybe covered with dust, or have crooked, cracked wings, that he is a beautiful being, an extraordinary being, who is majestic and marvelous in his own way. The last description of Skellig is ‘a tender white smile on his white face’. This reinforces that Skellig has never lost the pale face that he had at the start of the novel, but he longer has a filthy face: it has been replaced with a smile, that would not even be guessed could be possible when the readers first meet Skellig. At the beginning of the novel, Skellig is very cynical and melancholy. He seems to posses no desire to live and be well, but to do nothing, sit and stay where he is, and gradually die. An example of this is when Mira and Michael come to Skellig in the garage, and Michael is trying to persuade him to move. He says: ‘”…It’s like he’s waiting here to die. I don’t know what to do.”’ Skellig responds, saying, “Do nothing.” This shows that Skellig does not seem to care about himself, and all he wants to do is die. He feels like this because he feels disgust in himself, he hates himself for who he is and what he is. As the novel proceeds, Michael and Mina start to build up his confidence, and when he agrees to let them move him from the garage into the abandoned house, Mina discovers his wings. While she is doing this, Skellig ‘hung his head towards the floor.’ He is ashamed of his wings. However, at the end of the novel, Skellig is no longer ashamed of himself. Almond never describes Skellig as an ugly, bitter character anymore, but a loving and tender being. Skellig’s relationship with Michael is probably the most important friendship in the novel. In the opening few chapters, Skellig seems grudging and irked, and ignores Michael’s offers to help. In response to one offer Michael gives, he says: ‘”Nothing. Go away.”’ This suggests he is reluctant to talk to Michael, and his tone implies he is annoyed and does not require Michael’s help. Skellig also rejects Michael’s words in a very quick and abrupt way, signifying that Skellig wants to be left alone as quickly as possible, and bluntly and rudely not accepting Michael’s help. Towards the end of the novel, however, Skellig’s relationship with Michael is warmer and positive. Skellig seems to help and be helped by Michael with a



Literary essay: Skellig (continued)Task 3 (continued)

Range of features employed to shape sentences that contribute to the overall development of the text (AFs 5/6 L7 b2)

friendly attitude. An example of this is when Skellig says, “Pair of angels… That’s what you are,”’ this implies that Skellig is grateful for what Michael (and Mina) have done. His tone suggests he is more of a loving, friend-like character compared to the bitter, pessimistic character he is at the beginning of the novel. Skellig’s relationship with Mina is parallel to his relationship with Michael, but with a few differences. I think Skellig has similarities with Mina. For example, Skellig resembles that of an outcast, rejected from the world. Mina is an outcast in many different themes: she is home educated and therefore has no real friends except Michael, and she has a dull outlook on normal life of people, like Skellig. However, she is cleverer than Michael, and does have a part to play in transporting Skellig in safety out of the garage: infact, the place that they keep him (the abandoned house) is Mina’s, so she is vitally important. Skellig is very reluctant to let anyone see him when Michael suggests bringing Mina along to meet him. His response is: ‘“Damn kids… Bring the street… Bring the whole damn town.”’ This signifies that Skellig doesn’t want Michael to bring anyone to meet him, especially anyone clever, because they may discover his wings. It also suggests if Michael should bring one person to see him, Michael might as well bring ‘the whole damn town.’ However, as the novel proceeds, Skellig warms to Mina and I think Mina weakens his will to stay in the garage, because she has a slight idea of what he is and where he came from. On several occasions, Mina refers to Skellig as ‘extraordinary’ and ‘beautiful’. Mina sees though his dirty dace and pessimistic thoughts, and I think she see something angelic, like an angel. In the last meeting between Skellig, Michael and Mina, Skellig says: ‘“But I’m getting strong, thanks to the angels and the owls.”’. Skellig is implying that when he says ‘the angels’ he is referring to Michael and Mina. This meeting is after the incident when Michael and Mina were lifted off the floor of the house, and Michael say ‘ghostly wings at Mina’s back’. This is why I think Skellig is talking about them when he says ‘angels’. Skellig’s connection with Michael’s sister helps with the development in his and Michael’s friendship. At the start of the novel, Michael is jealous of his sister, because his parents neglect him and turn their attention on the baby. However, as the baby begins to get ill, Michael becomes anxious and concerned about his little sister, and at the end of the novel, faints because he cannot feel the baby’s heart beating inside his own. When Almond describes the baby, her face was ‘dead white and he hair was dead black.’ The repetition of ‘dead’ in this sentence implies that the baby looks ill, and she may die. This description of the baby is somewhat similar to Skellig’s own appearance in the garage. Skellig also has a pale face and ‘his black hair was a tangle of knots.’ When Michael asks Skellig to think about his sister, Skellig replies, ‘“Yes Blinking yes.”’ This does suggest that Skellig is irritated by this request, even though he is agreed to do it. However, when Michael turns to go, he says ‘“Yes… Yes I will.”’ Which shows a more confident and positive reply from Skellig. Michael’s mother also has a dream/vision of Skellig holding the baby, which she tells Michael and her husband. She then knew ‘it was going to be alright.’ This resembles Skellig as something like an angel, giving life to baby and faith to all who love her. When Skellig is about to leave, Michael confronts Skellig about his meeting with Michael’s sister. Skellig now warms to his sister. Saying: ‘“That one’s glittering with life… It was her that gave the strength to me.”’ This signifies that it is because of Michael’s sister, Michael and Mina that Skellig has become



Literary essay: Skellig (continued)Task 3 (continued)

stronger, and maybe become what he used to be. Skellig’s first meeting with the aspect of Michael’s, in comparison is totally different: ‘“Babies! Spittle, muck, spew and tears!”’ Skellig’s love and care is confirmed for Joy, when he leaves three feathers, two for Michael and Mina, and one for Michael’s sister, the one that gave life to him. At the beginning of the novel, when Ernie dies, I think Skellig was meant to look after him, because Ernie didn’t have anyone to care for him, and because he was ill. I think Skellig comes to those that need him most, and then afterwards, goes off to another person that needs help. Ernie needs company, but I don’t think Skellig gave him that (Skellig’s does not have a high opinion of Ernie anyway), so he became pessimistic, and then Michael found him, which to Skellig, was not coincidence. Michael needs hope and strength, the baby needs life, and Michael’s mother needs faith that the baby will survive. After the baby survives, Skellig moves on. When Michael asks where, Skellig replies: ‘“Somewhere.”’ I don’t think Skellig knows where he’s going, but he will be going to someone who needs him, just like Ernie and Michael did. I think Skellig flew from place to place, because, of course, he has wings, so he could probably fly with them to somewhere where people needed him. Skellig is indeed an intriguing and ‘extraordinary’ being. I think he is a mixture of both something human and immortal. I think most of him is an angel, because he has wings, and he gives faith and life to people. There is also a link of evolution and bird references in the novel to Skellig: when Michael and Mina carry him to the abandoned house, he is very light, and Mina explains this is to do with pneumanisation, and it is a natural aspect of birds. Maybe Skellig himself doesn’t know what or who he is, because when Michael asks him, he responds: ‘He shrugged again. “Something… Something like you, something like a beast, something like a bird, something like an angel. Something like that.”’ I think he is a rejected angel at the start for not looking after Ernie, but eventually, with the help of Michael and Mina, discovers his strength and recovers. In the novel, I think Skellig plays an important role, both helping Michael find and keep faith in saving his sister, who Michael was definitely against at the start of the novel, and finding faith in himself as well. Skellig, in the end, is a loving, friendly, warm character, who recovers himself, and the thoughts of others. He is very strong, although at the start of the novel he could not see it himself, and was irritable and easily insulted.

Range of complex sentence forms, with embedded phrases and clauses that support succinct explanation, crafted for purpose and overall effect (AFs 5/6 L7 b1/2)

Correct spelling including complex words (AF8 L7 b1)



Literary essay: ‘Skellig’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2

The opening paragraph gives an overview of the character Skellig to establish purpose and context (AF3 L7 b1) with a range of cohesive devices - repetition of ‘first’; pronouns – ‘This…’ / ‘It…’; ‘As the novel goes on…’; ‘On the other hand…’ – to contribute to emphasis and clarity (AF4 L6 b2).

Paragraph openings – ‘At the beginning of the novel…’; ‘Skellig’s relationship with Mina…‘; ‘Skellig’s connection with Michael’s sister…’ – are consistently used to position the reader and manage the flow of information (AF3 L7 b2). In paragraph 2, vocabulary choices – ‘An example of this…’; ‘However, at the end of the novel…’ – contribute to an appropriate level of formality that establishes and sustains a consistent point of view (AF1/2 L7 b2/3).

Paragraphs 3, 4 and 5 have a similar structure – ‘relationship with Michael’ / ‘relationship with Mina’ / ‘connection with Michael’s sister’– that is integral to meaning and purpose (AF4 L7 b1) in its support for the development of the writer’s line of argument. Paragraph 4 also gives evidence of the successful adaptation of the conventions of a literary essay – for example, comment supported by quotation; references to features drawn from across the text – to clarify and emphasise points (AFs 1/2 L7 b1).

Despite some lack of clarity in the concluding two sentences, the final paragraph overall provides a well-judged, summative point of view that has been sustained throughout (AFs 1/2 L7 b2) and an effective ending by drawing together key aspects of the line of thought that has been developed (AF3 L7 b1).

Summary comment

The main purpose of this essay is to convey a considered personal response to a novel and so its success as a piece of writing is particularly closely related to its effectiveness in addressing that intention. Choice of vocabulary (AF7) is well matched to purpose and contributes to the establishment of an appropriate level of formality and consistent perspective (AFs 1/2). The use of a range of complex sentences with embedded phrases and clauses provides clarity and succinct explanations that support a precise line of argument (AFs 5/6). Material is organised into a sequence of well-structured and developed paragraphs (AF4) that are effectively managed to control the flow of comment and to shape the development of the overall point of view (AF3). Spelling is correct throughout (AF8).

Assessment summaryEach of these three responses is an extensive piece of work in itself and covers a different set of the triplets of writing purposes. For each piece, there is a clear sense of purpose and audience, with material shaped and managed to address those requirements in terms of form, tone and style (AFs 1/2), even in the newspaper report which in other respects is the least well managed of the three. For these assessment focuses, and also for AF3 where the organisation and pacing of information is controlled and shaped to accommodate the needs of the reader, the level 7 criteria are securely and consistently fulfilled. In the newspaper report, paragraphs (AF4) are competently built around key points, developing these and linking information to support meaning and purpose in ways that fulfil the level 6 criteria. However, in the discussion of ’Skellig’, paragraphs are used to control a wider range of information and present this in ways that effectively take account of the needs of the reader; and in ‘A Brother’s Murder’, they are imaginatively crafted in ways that contribute to narrative tension. Hence, there is evidence of some fulfilment of the level 7 criteria. At sentence level, a variety of sentence forms, supported by accurate syntax and punctuation (AFs 5/6), is used to engage and sustain the reader’s interest in the narrative and to convey ideas precisely and succinctly in the ‘Skellig’ essay. There is consistent evidence of the use of a range of embedded phrases and clauses and control of complex verb forms throughout, and, additionally, in ‘A Brother’s Murder’, repetition and antithesis give balance in the construction of sentences that have merit in themselves as well as in terms of their contribution to the overall text - again satisfying the level 7 criteria. All the responses benefit from a wide range of judiciously chosen vocabulary (AF7) and accurate spelling (AF8). The level 7 criteria for all the AFs are met fully and consistently across a range of writing and so the overall judgement for this collection is secure level 7.



Wri

ting

ass

essm

ent g

uide

lines

: lev

els 6

and

7

Nam

e……

……

PUPI

L 20

……

……

…Y9

……

……

……

……

……

……

AF5

– v

ary

sent

ence

s fo

r cla

rity

, pur

pose

an

d ef

fect

AF6

– w

rite

wit

h te

chni

cal a

ccur

acy

of

synt

ax a

nd p

unct

uati

on

in p

hras

es, c

laus

es a

nd

sent

ence

s

AF3

– o

rgan

ise

and

pres

ent

who

le te

xts e

ffec

tive

ly,

sequ

enci

ng a

nd

stru

ctur

ing

info

rmat

ion,

id

eas a

nd e

vent

s

AF4

– c

onst

ruct

pa

ragr

aphs

and

use

co

hesi

on w

ithi

n an

d be

twee

n pa

ragr

aphs

AF1

– w

rite

im

agin

ativ

e,

inte

rest

ing

and

thou

ghtf

ul te

xts

AF2

– p

rodu

ce

text

s whi

ch a

re

appr

opri

ate

to ta

sk,

read

er a

nd p

urpo

se

AF7

– s

elec

t ap

prop

riat

e an

d ef

fect

ive

voca

bula

ry

AF8

– u

se c

orre

ct s

pelli

ng

Leve

l 7Ac

ross

a ra

nge

of w

ritin

gva

riety

of s

ente

nce

type

s dep

loye

d ju

dici

ousl

y • ac

ross

the

text

to a

chie

ve p

urpo

se a

nd o

vera

ll ef

fect

, with

rare

loss

of c

ontr

ola

rang

e of

feat

ures

em

ploy

ed to

shap

e/cr

aft

• sent

ence

s tha

t hav

e in

divi

dual

mer

it an

d co

ntrib

ute

to o

vera

ll de

velo

pmen

t of t

he te

xt,

e.g.

em

bedd

ed p

hras

es a

nd cl

ause

s tha

t sup

port

su

ccin

ct e

xpla

natio

n; se

cure

cont

rol o

f com

plex

ve

rb fo

rms;

antit

hesis

, rep

etiti

on o

r bal

ance

in

sent

ence

stru

ctur

e

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•inf

orm

atio

n, id

eas a

nd

even

ts sk

illfu

lly m

anag

ed

and

shap

ed to

ach

ieve

in

tend

ed p

urpo

se a

nd

effe

ct, e

.g. in

trodu

ctio

n an

d de

velo

pmen

t of c

hara

cter

, pl

ot, e

vent

, or t

he te

rms o

f an

arg

umen

t, ar

e pac

ed

acro

ss th

e tex

t•a

var

iety

of d

evic

es

posit

ion

the

read

er, e

.g.

skilf

ul co

ntro

l of i

nfor

mat

ion

flow

to re

ader

; tea

sing

the

read

er b

y dra

win

g at

tent

ion

to h

ow th

e nar

rativ

e or

argu

men

t is b

eing

han

dled

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•par

agra

phin

g ac

ross

th

e te

xt is

inte

gral

to

mea

ning

and

pur

pose

, e.

g. p

arag

raph

leng

th

and

com

plex

ity va

ried

to

mat

ch n

arra

tive p

ace o

r de

velo

pmen

t of a

rgum

ent;

varie

d de

vice

s to

link o

r ju

xtap

ose p

arag

raph

s; pa

ragr

aph

stru

ctur

e re

peat

ed fo

r effe

ct•i

ndiv

idua

l par

agra

phs

shap

ed o

r cra

fted

for

imag

inat

ive

or rh

etor

ical

ef

fect

, e.g

. last

sent

ence

ec

hoin

g th

e firs

t; le

ngth

y sin

gle s

ente

nce

para

grap

h to

conv

ey in

ner

mon

olog

ue

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•im

agin

ativ

e an

d ge

nera

lly su

cces

sful

ad

apta

tion

of w

ide

rang

e of

form

s and

co

nven

tions

to su

it va

riety

of p

urpo

ses

and

audi

ence

s, e.

g. d

elib

erat

e ref

eren

ce to

ot

her t

exts

or t

extu

al co

nven

tions

for e

ffect

or

em

phas

is•w

ell j

udge

d, d

istin

ctiv

e in

divi

dual

voi

ce o

r po

int o

f vie

w e

stab

lishe

d an

d su

stai

ned

thro

ugho

ut, e

.g. c

onsis

tent

han

dlin

g of

na

rrato

r’s p

erso

na in

fict

ion;

wel

l con

trol

led

use o

f orig

inal

turn

s of p

hras

e in

form

al

disc

ursiv

e writ

ing

•gen

eral

ly su

cces

sful

and

con

sist

ent c

ontr

ol

of a

ppro

pria

te le

vel o

f for

mal

ity a

nd

varie

d ra

nge

of st

ylis

tic d

evic

es to

ach

ieve

in

tend

ed e

ffec

t, e.

g. va

ryin

g th

e lev

el o

f fo

rmal

ity w

ithin

a p

iece

for e

ffect

; dire

ct

addr

ess t

o th

e rea

der o

r tak

ing

the r

eade

r int

o th

eir c

onfid

ence

Acr

oss a

rang

e of

w

ritin

gvo

cabu

lary

• co

nsis

tent

ly,

ofte

n im

agin

ativ

ely,

w

ell m

atch

ed

to p

urpo

se

and

audi

ence

rang

e of

• vo

cabu

lary

ge

nera

lly

varie

d an

d am

bitio

us,

ofte

n ju

dici

ousl

y ch

osen

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

corr

ect s

pelli

ng

•th

roug

hout

Leve

l 6Ac

ross

a ra

nge

of

writ

ing

con

trol

led

use

of

• a va

riety

of s

impl

e an

d co

mpl

ex

sent

ence

s to

achi

eve

purp

ose

and

cont

ribut

e to

ov

eral

l effe

ctco

nfid

ent u

se o

f a

• rang

e of

sent

ence

fe

atur

es to

cla

rify

or e

mph

asise

m

eani

ng, e

.g.

front

ed a

dver

bial

s (‘R

eluc

tant

ly, h

e…’,

‘Fiv

e day

s lat

er,

it…’),

com

plex

nou

n or

pre

posit

iona

l ph

rase

s

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•syn

tax

and

full

rang

e of

pun

ctua

tion

are

cons

iste

ntly

acc

urat

e in

a v

arie

ty o

f sen

tenc

e st

ruct

ures

, with

oc

casi

onal

err

ors i

n am

bitio

us st

ruct

ures

, e.

g. o

nly o

ccas

iona

l co

mm

a sp

lices

, som

e us

e of s

emic

olon

s, no

t al

way

s acc

urat

e

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•mat

eria

l is c

lear

ly

cont

rolle

d an

d se

quen

ced,

taki

ng

acco

unt o

f the

read

er’s

likel

y re

actio

n, e

.g.

para

grap

hs o

f diff

erin

g le

ngth

s, us

e of f

lash

back

in

nar

rativ

e, a

ntic

ipat

ing

read

er’s

ques

tions

a ra

nge

of fe

atur

es c

lear

ly

• sign

al o

vera

ll di

rect

ion

of

the

text

for t

he re

ader

, e.g

. op

enin

g pa

ragr

aphs

that

in

trod

uce t

hem

es cl

early

, pa

ragr

aph

mar

kers

, link

s be

twee

n pa

ragr

aphs

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

cons

truc

tion

of

• para

grap

hs c

lear

ly

supp

orts

mea

ning

and

pu

rpos

e, e

.g. p

arag

raph

to

pic s

igna

lled

and

then

de

velo

ped,

with

hold

ing

of in

form

atio

n fo

r effe

ct,

them

atic

link

s bet

wee

n pa

ragr

aphs

with

in p

arag

raph

s,

• cohe

sive

dev

ices

co

ntrib

ute

to e

mph

asis

an

d ef

fect

, e.g

. adv

erbi

als

as se

nten

ce st

arte

rs

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

imag

inat

ive

trea

tmen

t of a

ppro

pria

te

• mat

eria

ls, f

amili

arity

with

con

vent

ions

of

a va

riety

of f

orm

s, ad

aptin

g th

em w

hen

need

ed to

suit

purp

ose

and

audi

ence

, no

t alw

ays s

ucce

ssfu

lly, e

.g. d

elib

erat

e use

of

inap

prop

riate

regi

ster

for h

umou

r, cl

ear

emph

asis

on n

arra

tion

rath

er th

an p

lot

conv

inci

ng, i

ndiv

idua

l voi

ce o

r poi

nt o

f • vi

ew e

stab

lishe

d an

d m

ostly

sust

aine

d th

roug

hout

, e.g

. aut

horit

ativ

e exp

ert v

iew

, co

nvin

cing

char

acte

risat

ion,

ado

ptin

g a

role

leve

l of f

orm

ality

use

d fo

r pur

pose

and

• au

dien

ce g

ener

ally

app

ropr

iate

and

a ra

nge

of st

ylis

tic d

evic

es u

sed

to a

chie

ve e

ffect

, no

t alw

ays s

ucce

ssfu

lly, e

.g. c

ontro

lled

info

rmal

ity, g

ener

alisa

tions

or s

hifts

bet

wee

n co

nver

satio

nal s

tyle

and

mor

e lite

rary

la

ngua

ge

Acro

ss a

rang

e of

w

ritin

gvo

cabu

lary

• ch

osen

ge

nera

lly

appr

opria

te to

pu

rpos

e an

d au

dien

ce

rang

e of

• vo

cabu

lary

ge

nera

lly

varie

d an

d of

ten

ambi

tious

, ev

en th

ough

ch

oice

s not

al

way

s apt

Acr

oss a

rang

e of

writ

ing

•gen

eral

ly c

orre

ct sp

ellin

g th

roug

hout

, inc

ludi

ng so

me

ambi

tious

, unc

omm

on

- wor

dsw

ords

with

com

plex

- so

und/

sym

bol

rela

tions

hips

wor

ds w

ith u

nstr

esse

d - sy

llabl

esm

ulti-

lett

er v

owel

and

- co

nson

ant s

ymbo

lslik

ely

erro

rs:

• -o

ccas

iona

lly in

co

mpl

ex w

ords

such

as

outr

ageo

us, e

xagg

erat

ed,

anno

unci

ng, p

aral

lel

BL

IE

Ke

y:

BL

-Bel

ow L

evel

IE

-Insu

ffic

ient

Evi

denc

e

Ove

rall

asse

ssm

ent (

tick

one

box

only

)H

igh

7

S

ecur

e 7

Low

7

Hig

h 6

Sec

ure

6

Low

6

This publication is printedon 80% recycled paper

When you have finished withthis publication please recycle it

80%

Audience: Secondary English subject leaders Date of issue: 12-2008 Ref: 00705-2008BKT-EN

Copies of this publication may be available from: www.teachernet.gov.uk/publications

You can download this publication and obtain further information at: www.standards.dcsf.gov.uk

Copies of this publication may be available from: DCSF Publications PO Box 5050 Sherwood Park Annesley Nottingham NG15 ODJ Tel 0845 60 222 60 Fax 0845 60 333 60 Textphone 0845 60 555 60 email: [email protected]

© Crown copyright 2008 Published by the Department for Children, Schools and Families

Extracts from this document may be reproduced for non-commercial research, education or training purposes on the condition that the source is acknowledged as Crown copyright, the publication title is specified, it is reproduced accurately and not used in a misleading context.

The permission to reproduce Crown copyright protected material does not extend to any material in this publication which is identified as being the copyright of a third party.

For any other use please contact [email protected] www.opsi.gov.uk/click-use/index.htm

assessing pupils’ progress in english at key stage 3...

Documents