mediation, conflict resolution & effective communication
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MEDIATION, CONFLICT RESOLUTION & EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION
WHAT IS CONFLICT?
The Nature of Conflict• Conflict is an inevitable part of life. • Conflict signals a need for change. • Conflict can result in a learning
experience. • Conflict can be positive and productive.
If people express their feelings and needs in a positive and constructive way it reduces anxiety and prevents the escalation of conflict.
• Conflict can lead to positive growth in
working and personal relationships.
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The Third Side
• Fight• Flight/Freeze• The Third Side
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Conflict Resolution Styles
Every person has their own style or way of handling themselves in a conflict. Some use a variety of styles while others depend solely on one.
There are five distinct conflict resolution
styles: Avoidance (turtle) “Not now, maybe
later” It is easier to withdraw than to face difficult issues.
Accommodation (teddy bear). “Let’s
try it your way”. Values relationships over goals and will give up on goals in order to be liked.
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Conflict Resolution Styles Compromise (fox) “Let's make a
deal” Looks for a solution where each gives up something
Problem Solving (owl) “Let's work it
out together”. Values both goals and relationships
Problem solving process is the only
conflict resolution style that allows for the potential of a win-win outcome.
Confrontation (shark) “Hit head on” Tries to overpower opponents. Goals are important, relationships aren’t. 7
GETTING TO YES• Separate the People from the
Problems• Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated
Agreement)• Focus on interests, not positions
or values• Explore options for mutual gain• Use objective criteria
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Win-Win Outcomes
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Conflict Ladder• Needs/interests
• Positions
• Values
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Positional Negotiation1. Assumes you know all the relevant
information
2. Goal is to convince the other side that your point of view makes the most sense
3. Tactics focus on “dividing the pie” or win/lose concessions
4. Compromise or concessionsstrain the working relationship
5. ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement) is minimized
Interest Based Negotiation
1. Avoids repetition or escalation of conflict2. Builds partnerships and community3. Increases commitment to action plans4. Creates transparency about decision making5. Clarifies shared and divergent interests6. Flexible and creative agreements7. Focuses time & energy on substance and positive outcomes8. Leads to durable agreements
Examples of Needs/Interests• Autonomy/ Freedom• Respect/ Fairness• Trust/ Reassurance• Equality/ Justice• Being heard/
Appreciation• Predictability/
Consistency• Acknowledgement/
Recognition
• Understanding/ Clarity• Growth/ Healing• Safety/ Shelter• Self worth/ Respect• Honesty/ Authenticity• Independence/ Choice• Support/ Cooperation• Friendship/ Sharing• Community/ Family
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The TruthAbsolute truth often does not
existTruth is often not the most important factor in a disputeFact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the partiesFact-finding raises the risk of
compromising the mediator’s neutralityMediators are not trained for fact- finding
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Start an information sharing conversation
1. “Unpack” a position: describe the meaning and why it is important to a person or organization
2. Clarify interests; acknowledge both shared and competing interests
3. Practice listening and conflict management skills
4. Use open-ended questions
Building Agreements1. Generate options based on
individual and joint interests
2. Evaluate options by setting priorities among interests
3. Use reality checks to test agreements
4. Consider “experiments” to test tentative agreements
5. Write detailed agreements and action plans
Managing Dirty TricksCreate ground rulesIgnore or call out bad behaviorName it: “I’m not sure that
yelling is really going to get us anywhere”
Ask what’s going on: “You seem really upset. How come?”
Reflect and diffuse strong emotion
Use repetition or silence Reinforce positive behavior Go to the balcony Try a different tool End the relationship
Listening Skills
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Absolute truth often does not existTruth is often not the most important factor in a disputeFact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the partiesFact-finding raises the risk of compromising the mediator’s neutralityMediators are not trained for fact-finding
The Truth
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3 LEVELS OF LISTENING
•Facts (what)
•Needs (why)
•Emotions (how)
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Eight Ways We Don’t Listen • Mind Reader
Thinking “what is the person really thinking or feeling?” • Rehearser - “Here’s what I’ll say next.” • Filterer - Selective listening • Dreamer - Drifting off • Identifier
Referring everything to your own experience • Derailer
Changes the subject quickly • Sparrer
Belittle or discount • Placater
Agree with everything to be nice or to avoid conflict Source: The Writing Lab, Purdue University Press
MEHRABIAN’S RULE
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Breaker Switches/Hot Buttons
• Things that drive you crazy• Types of people for whom you have
limited tolerance• Character traits that cause you to
lose patience
Managing Hot Buttons/Breaker Switches
• Self-awareness• Go to the balcony• Count• Breathe• Silence• I’m outta here!• Others?
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Conflict Management Toolbox
1. Listen Actively
2. Reframe/restate/
3. Reflect emotions
4. Intervene as little as possible, but as much as is necessary
5. Use of Silence
6. Look for apologies
7. Look for areas of agreement 33
Conflict Management Toolbox 7. Reality Testing/BATNA 8. Brainstorming 9. Find the Interests Underlying
the Positions 10. Caucusing/Shuttle Diplomacy 11. Use Objective measuring tools 12. Be Future-Oriented
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QUESTIONING TECHNIQUES
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Closed-ended Questions
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Open-ended Questions
USE OF SILENCE
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REFLECTING EMOTIONS
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Reality TestingTell me what that will look like?
How will that work?
What happens if we are not able to reach an agreement in mediation?
Have you gotten any legal or other professional advice?
People Mediation!A Recent study by the Center for Conflict Resolution showed the characteristics of mediation most favored by participants are:
• Ability to use their own vocabulary;• Having enough time to tell their
story;• Being listened to;• Feeing empowered to generate and
craft options and solutions41
What is NYSAMP?
The New York State AgriculturalMediation Program is one of 35 programs around the country, funded by the United States Department of Agri-culture, that provide conflict Management services for cases Involving agricultural producers.
In NYS, the funds are administered by the NYS Unified Court System and the NYS Dispute Resolution Association. Services are offered in all 62 counties of the state.
COMMUNITY DIALOGUE ON CHALLENGING ISSUES
We can help you host productive, respectful conversations on challenging issues facing your community Dialogue and discourse; not argument and debate
Sample Principles and Ground Rules for Community Conversations
Everyone is encouraged to participate.
No one or two individuals dominate.
All the major choices or positions on the issue are considered.
We remember that conversation is the natural way humans think together.
Seek to understand rather than persuade
We listen to each other.
Speak from the heart.
Be brief
One person talks at a time. Don’t cut people off.
We expect it to be messy at times.
4 Pine West Plaza; Suite 411; Albany, NY 12205Peter Glassman -- Statewide Director of the NYS Agricultural
Mediation Programpeter@nysdra.org
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