face lyb asbton harris - new museum digital archive · 2017. 7. 20. · face lyb asbton harris...

FaCe Lyb Asbton HarrisBroadway\?'indow The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York January 15-April 11,7993

Doorknob, Venice, Italy Photograph by Lyle Ashton Han'is, 1992"Mama, see the Negro! I'm frightened!"-Franz Fanon, Black Skins, lVbite Masks

Excerpt fromThe Secret Life of a Snou Queen

I long for the relationship we used to have.Isn't it funny and paradoxical the relationship Ihave with myself now? All this investigating, allthis theory, all this investment in how often oth-ers will perceive my work. At what point will Ibe able to produce work for me? At what pointwill I get over the fear of acknowledging myown needs? How long will I continue to play thegames of mastery of the false selP lVhen will theperformance end? I long for that. They accusedme of narcissism, solipsism, exhibitionism. Onetold me he could not understand my workbecause he did not grow up in a Black commlrnity. !tre1l fuck, neither did I. Another, aninstrlrctor, frankly asked what could I expect ofhim since he was jr.rst a middle-class straightwhite guy from Santa Montca. I am the "multi,cultural" character personified. I guess what Ifear will be exposed is that I hufi. It is not easybeing one of a few "people of color" in a pro-gram with those who kno\\. very little aboutyour culture, and do not care to know more.'When they made the references to "primitive"people, "other" cultures, was it me they werereferring to? Of course not. I played the gamequite well, For me, it is a very fine line betweenfalling apart and maintaining the mask, thinkingany second you'Il be found out. You'll be calledout. To be the representative: nigger personified.In the flesh to absorb their pro,ections, theirneeds, their 1acks, their clandestine pleasures,their fears. Not I, for I am the quintessentialBlack faggot. I have learned the game all toowell, I went to the right schools (that is, institu-tions that would validate my right to speak).Traveled to exotic lands, \Wore the right clothingfor the appropriate occasions. Rolled my bigbrown eyes while fluidly oscillating betweenfem/butch positions, my version. Do I leaveonce again, perforrning the once rehearsed, nowperfectecl, performance? One more time. Andsmile. You're beautiful. Has all this been myimagination?

Lyle Ashton Harris