face lyb asbton harris - new museum digital archive · 2017. 7. 20. · face lyb asbton harris...

FaCe Lyb Asbton Harris Broadway\?'indow The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York January 15-April 11,7993 Doorknob, Venice, Italy Photograph by Lyle Ashton Han'is, 1992 "Mama, see the Negro! I'm frightened!"-Franz Fanon, Black Skins, lVbite Masks Excerpt from The Secret Life of a Snou Queen I long for the relationship we used to have. Isn't it funny and paradoxical the relationship I have with myself now? All this investigating, all this theory, all this investment in how often others will perceive my work. At what point will I be able to produce work for me? At what point will I get over the fear of acknowledging my own needs? How long will I continue to play the games of mastery of the false selP lVhen will the performance end? I long for that. They accused me of narcissism, solipsism, exhibitionism. One told me he could not understand my work because he did not grow up in a Black com mlrnity. !tre1l fuck, neither did I. Another, an instrlrctor, frankly asked what could I expect of him since he was jr.rst a middle-class straight white guy from Santa Montca. I am the "multi, cultural" character personified. I guess what I fear will be exposed is that I hufi. It is not easy being one of a few "people of color" in a pro- gram with those who kno\\. very little about your culture, and do not care to know more. 'When they made the references to "primitive" people, "other" cultures, was it me they were referring to? Of course not. I played the game quite well, For me, it is a very fine line between falling apart and maintaining the mask, thinking any second you'Il be found out. You'll be called out. To be the representative: nigger personified. In the flesh to absorb their pro,ections, their needs, their 1acks, their clandestine pleasures, their fears. Not I, for I am the quintessential Black faggot. I have learned the game all too well, I went to the right schools (that is, institu- tions that would validate my right to speak). Traveled to exotic lands, \Wore the right clothing for the appropriate occasions. Rolled my big brown eyes while fluidly oscillating between fem/butch positions, my version. Do I leave once again, perforrning the once rehearsed, now perfectecl, performance? One more time. And smile. You're beautiful. Has all this been my imagination? Lyle Ashton Harris

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FaCe Lyb Asbton HarrisBroadway\?'indow The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York January 15-April 11,7993

Doorknob, Venice, Italy Photograph by Lyle Ashton Han'is, 1992"Mama, see the Negro! I'm frightened!"-Franz Fanon, Black Skins, lVbite Masks

Excerpt fromThe Secret Life of a Snou Queen

I long for the relationship we used to have.Isn't it funny and paradoxical the relationship Ihave with myself now? All this investigating, allthis theory, all this investment in how often oth-ers will perceive my work. At what point will Ibe able to produce work for me? At what pointwill I get over the fear of acknowledging myown needs? How long will I continue to play thegames of mastery of the false selP lVhen will theperformance end? I long for that. They accusedme of narcissism, solipsism, exhibitionism. Onetold me he could not understand my workbecause he did not grow up in a Black commlrnity. !tre1l fuck, neither did I. Another, aninstrlrctor, frankly asked what could I expect ofhim since he was jr.rst a middle-class straightwhite guy from Santa Montca. I am the "multi,cultural" character personified. I guess what Ifear will be exposed is that I hufi. It is not easybeing one of a few "people of color" in a pro-gram with those who kno\\. very little aboutyour culture, and do not care to know more.'When they made the references to "primitive"people, "other" cultures, was it me they werereferring to? Of course not. I played the gamequite well, For me, it is a very fine line betweenfalling apart and maintaining the mask, thinkingany second you'Il be found out. You'll be calledout. To be the representative: nigger personified.In the flesh to absorb their pro,ections, theirneeds, their 1acks, their clandestine pleasures,their fears. Not I, for I am the quintessentialBlack faggot. I have learned the game all toowell, I went to the right schools (that is, institu-tions that would validate my right to speak).Traveled to exotic lands, \Wore the right clothingfor the appropriate occasions. Rolled my bigbrown eyes while fluidly oscillating betweenfem/butch positions, my version. Do I leaveonce again, perforrning the once rehearsed, nowperfectecl, performance? One more time. Andsmile. You're beautiful. Has all this been myimagination?

Lyle Ashton Harris