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ALL but CICADASA dissertator’s haiku, tanka, and senryu:
STEPHANIE S SHIH
All but Cicadas.
03
A dissertator’shaiku, tanka, and senryu:
All but Cicadas.
Stephanie S Shih
iii
The following poemswere composed over the courseof thesis writing,
mostly during the summerof two thousand and thirteen.
Preface
Text and interior illustrations© 2014 Stephanie S Shih
Cover illustrationMagicicada septendecim
R.E. Snodgrass(in the public domain)
1
Grad school has sucked allthe words out of me.I am left with just three lines.
I.
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A dissertator’scries crash silent upon thestone-eared committee.
II.
5
Sometimes I think ofall I haven’t yet finished.*hyperventilates*
III.
To do list
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Abstract accepted!Crap—now I actuallyhave to do the work.
IV.
On conference abstracts
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Dear natural data:Why am I so constantlycleaning up your mess?
V.
Corpus work
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When my statisticsconfirm my hypothesis:Victory is mine!
VI.
The white whale
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I kinda want tokick you if your articleisn’t on the net.
But I guess I’ll settle forjust not citing you instead.
VII.
Research in the digital age
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Furiously slow,I deconstruct, reconstruct.Writing over and
over and over and o-ver and over again. Sigh.
VIII.
Writing a frustrating section
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Committee meeting.Like winter: bone-chillinglycold, and far too long.
IX.
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The literatureis too vast. Cannot poss’blysummarize it all.
That god for inter alia,e.g., and (my fav) et seq.
X.
Literature review
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The literaturewritten before is vast. But,let’s get to the point.
XI.
Literature review, 2
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“Schedule your defense!”“Just turn in a crummy draft!”“Revise it later!”
XII.
Imperatives from the advisor: 8 August 2013
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Once, I asked Kie Zuraw howshe does it all. Her one tip
for academicsurvival: “Lower all ofyour expectations.”
XIII.
How to (A reverse tanka)
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Richards, to me: “Youdon’t finish a thesis. Youjust run out of time.”
XIV.
Norvin Richards,on finishing dissertations
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MFK Fishersaid: “Let your words go. They’ll soonbe wrapped ’round dead fish.”
(Or, they’ll soon be scratch paperfor drawing OT tableaux.)
XV.
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Dear Frank Harrell: Thanksbut no thanks for rms.Bring back Design, please?
XVI.
Technological unadvancements
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Why is it alwaysthat coffee I drink at 9never hits ’til 3?
#superhypercaffeinatedexpialidocious
XVII.
The drip
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Emails from colleaguesabout music and cronuts;Citing stats papers;
Mottled light; working outsidewith a good friend from SD.
XVIII.
Things that make me happywhile dissertating: 16 August 2013
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“Bake something stickyfor your committee, so theywon’t be able to
utter their criticisms.Caramel should do the trick.”
XIX.
On surviving the dissertation defense(advice from Nathan Schneider)
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Sunday, 6am:Morning stillness, outside andon my gchat list.
XX.
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Wondering if mycommittee will throw a fitif I don’t report
p-values for mixed models?It’s the principle of it.
XXI.
Re: Douglas Bates
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Fifty-four pages(single-spaced), and still not done.One-chapter thesis?
XXII.
The never-ending chapter, 1
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Fifty-five pages(single-spaced), and still I’ve gotthree whole sections more.
XXIII.
The never-ending chapter, 2
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Fifty-six pages,Section 6.3.4.Deep breath, and... ...go!
XXIV.
The never-ending chapter, 3
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A wondrous thing, thisfull night’s sleep! I’d forgottenwhat it’s like to dream.
XXV.
On sleep
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Trees fall in silence.I do not exist betweenthe moments with you.
XXVI.
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Facebook photos fromcolleagues of cronut shops named“La Cornetteria.”
XXVII.
Things that make me happywhile dissertating: 26 August 2013
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I don’t understandpeople who work on trains. Trainsare for day dreaming.
XXVIII.
BKY → DAV
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Rob pointed out thatChapter 4 is a thesiswithin a thesis.
XXIX.
Inception
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While I sleep, the elvesin my computer test mymaximal random
intercepts and slopes for me.Thank you for your hard work, elves.
XXX.
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Flat tire, burst pipe,travel logistics, and stillno housing for Fall.
XXXI.
Dissertation distractionson a Friday morning
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Med school friend writes threepages in the time I writeone paragraph. #sad
XXXII.
Speed
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Today’s diversion:argument on facebook re:“kugelhopf ” spelling.
XXXIII.
Google-hupf
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Worried cause I don’thave a theoreticalimplementation.
XXXIV.
Upon hearing Matt’s defense
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It’s quite hard not tofeel like a constant failurewhen I’m thesis-ing.
XXXV.
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Incomplete drafts andincomplete thoughts and incom-plete senryu and
XXXVI.
Not finished yet
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Why, hello, awesomepair of designer jeans fromthe start of grad school.
(Seriously, I should patentthis thesis weight loss diet.)
XXXVII.
Perks of the dissertation diet
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in which I’ll now pulla dissertation out ofthin air in a week.
XXXVIII.
The magic trick
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As Jen Hay once said,“Don’t worry. We specializein miracles here.”
XXXIX.
Upon hearing that I only have48 hours in which to produce a full draft
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That glimmer of gleewhenever I spot typosin published papers.
XL.
Scholarly Schadenfreude
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Cake, and grief counsel,will be available atthe end of the test.
#parallelsbetweenPortalanddissertationwriting
XLI.
The cake is a lie.
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It’s “100 wordsor fewer.” *not* “100words or less,” damnit!
re: the LSA abstractnotification email.
XLII.
Every. single. year.
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You never know whatyour dissertation’s aboutuntil the very end.
XLIII.
It’s true what they say
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Model convergence,A finished chapter, and newsfrom the job market.
XLIV.
Dear Santa, My Christmas List:
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Clues your talk was good:Mark Liberman’s there and saysafter: “Hey, good talk.”
XLV.
LSA 2014
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I would not make agood academic becauseI. HATE. REVISIONS.
XLVI.
Reason #2394871927
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So desperate tofinish that I’m listeningto Miley Cyrus.
XLVII.
Can’t stop
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Relief : the one and only emotion I feel upon job success.
XLVIII.
The meat market
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No matter how greatthe accomplishment, meritstill can’t buy one love.
XLIX.
Unfortunate fact of life
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Filed! In one word,How I plan to celebratehaving finished: sleep.
L.
On Pi Day, 2014
And now, the sequel:(Euphemistically)The Merry Stroll to Tenure.
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