1 dealing with difficult people practical strategies for minimizing their disruptive influence on...

1

Dealing with Difficult People

Practical Strategies for Minimizing Their Disruptive Influence On Your Life

Presented By:Shannon Odom

Principal, Joe M. Gillmore Elementary

2

Dealing with Energy Vampires

3

Objectives..

At the conclusion of this workshop, you should be able to:

Identify the major types of difficult people and recognize the behaviors they exhibit.

Develop a plan that works for you in dealing with difficult people.

4

Why worry about difficult people?

• These people are EVERYWHERE! You cannot avoid them entirely.

• Unfortunately, they often hold positions of power.

• Give them a chance and they will make your life miserable.

• You can’t change them, but you can change the way you react to them.

5

What sorts of behaviors are exhibited by difficult people?

• They are insensitive and demanding.

• They are aggressive and hostile.

• They are vulgar and insulting.

• They are hateful, arrogant and demeaning.

• They are rude and uncivilized.

• They are either unresponsive or irresponsible.

• They are dishonest and conniving.

• They are uncooperative.

• They are sensitive, suspicious and intent on placing blame.

• They are stupid and ignorant and blissfully unaware of it.

6

How do THEY make us feel?

• Angry• Resentful• Helpless• Hopeless• Worthless• Frightened• Intimidated• Annoyed• Revengeful• Overwhelmed

• Hostile• Inferior• Threatened• Hurt• Insulted• Frustrated• Used• Hateful• Etc.

• Angry• Resentful• Helpless• Hopeless• Worthless• Frightened• Intimidated• Annoyed• Revengeful• Overwhelmed

• Hostile• Inferior• Threatened• Hurt• Insulted• Frustrated• Used• Hateful• Etc.

7

How do these feelings make us behave?

– Withdraw– Nag– Argue– Give Up– Explain– Try Harder– Plot Revenge

8

Why do they behave this way?

The payoff!

9

The Bulldozer

• They are the bully of the group.

• They know it all.

• Often use threats, sarcasm and intimidation.

• They can be loud or hostile.

• They can be abusive.

• They have the potential to overwhelm you.

10

Fire Hose

• Dampen Enthusiasm• Everything will fail• Negative Statements• Constantly Complaining

11

Sniper

• Excludes key people• Withhold information• Use hidden attacks, innuendos, digs,

non-playful teasing• Wreck havoc and you don’t see them

12

So What Can I Do?

• Label them• Neutralize them• Understand them• Accept them• Inform them• Involve them• Ignore them• Convert them

• Avoid them• Persuade them• Confront them• Rehabilitate them• Discourage them• Isolate them• Punish them• Pray for them

13

Neutralize them…

Why should I?• Removes incendiary

behavior from an emotionally flammable environment

• Reduces their payoff• Reduces the

disruption in your world

• Minimizes your stress

How can I?• Take notes • Avoid eye contact• Comment on their emotional arousal• Ask them what

constructive things they have tried

• Ask them what they want you to do

• Warn them, then hang up or leave

14

Label them…Why should I?• Helps you cope• Helps you realize

they need to be managed

• Lowers your expectations

• Reminds you to detach

How can I?• Monitor your

emotions• Imagine a sticky

note labeled, “A Real Nut” attached to their foreheads

• Pity them• Concentrate on

observing them

15

Confront them…

Why should I?• Disrupts usual

response patterns

• Provides relief from helplessness

• Encourages others to take action

How can I?• Document their

behavior• Line up

witnesses• Give emotions

time to dissipate• Confront in a

calm manner with respect

16

What can I do for me?

• Choose to Eliminate Negative People• Become the Observer• Exercise• Worst Case Scenario• Avoid Heated Discussions• Most Important• Pour Honey• Express It• OIYLI (Only If You Let It)