Bury Church of England Productions is proud to present

Aladdin and Friends

All stage directions are in italics.

Scene 0

Enter Lou pushing Andy in the wheelchair, positions him at the side of the stage.

Lou : OK, how about here? Is this all right for you? We've got a good view of the stage haven't we?

Andy : Where are we?

Lou : Well we're at the theatre, We've come to see a play haven't we?

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : Because we picked it out from the newspaper. Do you remember. You said you wanted to see a serious play. . .

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : By one of those famous playwrights like Shakespeare or Shaw or Brecht. . .

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : You said you wanted to broaden your horizons and see something with integrity.

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : Something cultural. .

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : Something that would challenge you to new mental heights.

Andy : Yeah I know.

Lou : And do you remember what you chose?

Andy : What?

Lou : Aladdin.

Andy : Yeah I know.

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Lou : So anyway we're here now and we're going to enjoy it.

Andy : Yeah.

Lou : Even though pantomime is an anachronistic, sexist, outdated, throwback to a music hall tradition that hasn't existed in this country for more than fifty years. Looks across the stage. Ooh look it's starting.

Andy : I don't like it.

Scene 1

Outside Widow Twankey's Chinese Laundry.

Enter Widow Twankey

Widow Twankey: Screeching Wishee! Wiiisheeee, to herself, Where is that Lazy boy. He's getting as Lazy as his brother Aladdin Screeching even more Wiiiiisheeeeee!

Wishee Washee: Almost falling onto the stage. He is wearing trousers that are far too short! Here I am mother.

Widow Twankey: At last what have you. . .stops and does a double take, What on earth are you wearing? How many times have I told you that when you work for an upper class laundry establishment like what ours is. You have to dress proper. You have to look immaculate and elegantly turned out, preening, Like me. Looks him up and down again. You definitely can't wear trousers that have shrunk in the wash.

Wishee Washee: Looking down. Oh these, they didn't shrink in the wash.

Widow Twankey: They didn't?

Wishee Washee: No, I couldn't find a clean pair of my own so I had to borrow these from a Mr. . . . . . insert name of member of staff or pupil ! That's it.

Widow Twankey: Oh, well, they're not suitable. You'll have to find some others.

Wishee Washee: OK, turns to leave

Widow Twankey: But that's not why I called you down here.

Wishee Washee: Stops and turns back It isn't?

Widow Twankey: No, I want to make sure everything is perfect in case the Emperor and the Princess Egg Foo call in on their tour of the town today

Wishee Washee: That would be the young Princess Egg Foo would it? Also known as . . .

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Widow Twankey: interrupting Yes, yes, that's the one. So, have the sheets been washed?

Wishee Washee: Yes Mother.

Widow Twankey: Have the coats been cleaned?

Wishee Washee: Yes Mother.

Widow Twankey: Have the shirts been pressed?

Wishee Washee: Yes Mother.

Widow Twankey: And have those ten pound notes been ironed? To Audience We have a rather lucrative sideline in laundering money. . . And if you think the jokes are gonna get any better than that then you'll be disappointed.

Wishee Washee: Yes, yes, yes, in fact I've done everything you asked me to. So can I please go into town to see if I can catch the parade.

Widow Twankey: Oh very well, but if you see that lazy brother of yours, tell Aladdin that he can't go with you until he's finished his chores. I'm going to go and make myself look even more beautiful, preening again, in case the Emperor and that handsome Chancellor of his do come to call. Exits

Aladdin Climbs out of the laundry basket at the back of the stage.

Aladdin: Has she gone?

Wishee Washee: Jumping, Aladdin, you didn’t half give me a fright. Don’t do that.

Aladdin: Has she gone?

Wishee Washee: Has who gone?

Aladdin: Mother.

Wishee Washee: Yes, she's gone to try to make herself look beautiful, so she could be some time. What are you doing in there?

Aladdin: Having a nap.

Wishee Washee: Looking confused. Oh, pause while he thinks and looks at the basket. That's a funny place to take a nap!

Aladdin: Hits him on the arm. No, idiot that was sarcasm, I was hiding from mother of course.

Wishee Washee: Rubs arm. Why?

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Aladdin: Because I didn't want her to see me or she'd stop me from going into town to see the parade, and I must see the Princess Egg Foo, I simply must.

Wishee Washee: OK but I'd have a wash before we go.

Aladdin: Why?

Wishee Washee: That basket was the dirty laundry. Holds the end of his nose.

Both exit

Scene 2

The Market place

Various traders mill around attempting to peddle their wares.

Abanazar enters and looks around.

Abanazar: Shouting loudly Sneeze! the nearest trader takes it as an instruction and sneezes, this happens each time he shouts it and he is forced to make the same explanation each time. No you see I'm looking for my assistant he's called oh never. . . Sneeze! repeat direction. Sneeze! Finally he looses patience and shouts at the traders. Look I'm looking for my assistant and he's called Sneeze so will you please all stop loudly Sneezing. He shouts for his assistant one last time Sneeze, glaring at the market traders daring them to do anything. When he turns his back one of them coughs. He turns and glares.

Sneeze enters but Abanazer is looking in the opposite direction and Sneeze gets all the way to his side before he turns to yell again.

ABANAZER: Sne. . . . Turns and almost falls over Sneeze Oh there you are. Where have you been? I've been shouting you for hours.

SNEEZE: Obsequiously, I'm sorry master I've been busy looking at watches.

ABANAZER: Why?

SNEEZE: I've been trying to buy myself a little time.

ABANAZER: I take it that means you haven't yet found the boy.

SNEEZE: What boy?

ABANAZER: Exasperated What boy? Pause, what boy? Even an idiot like you can’t have forgotten. We’ve been searching for him for two months.

SNEEZE: Yes I know, I know but they points at audience don’t know.

ABANAZER: Looks at audience. Hmm. . . They don’t look terribly bright do they? Very well I will explain. We need to find an innocent boy

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SNEEZE: Innocent boy

ABANAZER: . . . .with a pure heart. . .

SNEEZE: a pure heart

ABANAZER: . . .who can enter the Cave of Darkness. . .

SNEEZE: Cave of Darkness

ABANAZER:. . . and retrieve the magic lamp. . . .

SNEEZE: Magic lamp

ABANAZER: to Sneeze. Will you stop doing that. . .clears his throat. . .the lamp, stares pointedly at Sneeze, that will make me the most rich and powerful wizard in the whole of the world. Evil laugh.

SNEEZE: And me the sidekick of the most rich and powerful wizard in the whole of the world. Longer more ridiculous evil laugh.

ABANAZER: If you live that long. Anyway you still haven’t answered my question. Have you found him?

SNEEZE: Oh yes. The boy’s name is Aladdin and he lives with his mother and brother at Widow Twankey’s Laundry.

ABANAZER: Then what are we waiting for. Let’s go there now, the sooner we get him the sooner I can execute my evil plans.

SNEEZE: Evil plans

ABANAZER: I told you not to do that.

Both exit:

Enter Aladdin and Wishy Washy. Aladdin moves to the nearest trader.

ALADDIN: Excuse me, has the parade been past yet?

TRADER1: Ah you look like a very intelligent boy, would you like to buy some of my cloth I only sell the finest silks.

ALADDIN: No, I don’t think you understand, I just want to know if the parade has been past yet.

TRADER1:And I only sell the finest silks rubs fingers together meaningfully.

ALADDIN: So if I buy something you’ll answer my question?

TRADER1: I said you were an intelligent boy.

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ALADDIN: OK, what’s the cheapest thing on your stall.

TRADER1: This silk ribbon, its only two yen

ALADDIN: Two yen but that’s outrageous that’s. ..

TRADER1: Do you want an answer to your question?

ALADDIN: Turns to Wishy Washy. Pay the man.

WISHEE WASHEE Wha. . .Why me?

ALADDIN: Because I don’t have any money.

Wishy Washy grumbles but hands over the money.

ALADDIN: So, the parade?

TRADER1: What you mean that parade there- Points to the entering guards.

Enter the Guards to a short fanfare.

SFX Fanfare.

ALADDIN: Quick lets hide over here so we can get a better view.

Aladdin and Wishee Washee go and hide offstage. Aladdin sticks his head out from low down Wishee Washee higher up they watch as the guards push everyone out of the way.

GUARD2: Clear the way.

GUARD3: He said Move

CHANCELLOR: Make way for our Noble and Powerful Emperor, Ruler of Imperial China, Great and Mighty Wazir. . .

TRADER2: Was here? Don’t you mean he’s here now? ‘Cos if he was ‘ere I think I would have seen him.

CHANCELLOR: No, he is Wazir.

TRADER2: is. . . was. . here? Have you been taking grammar lessons from. .insert name of appropriate class or pupil here.

CHANCELLOR: No, he is Emperor and Wazir.

EMPEROR: Chancellor, haven’t you finished the introduction yet, I’m keen to get on. Walks up beside him and stage whispers. Actually I’m keen to get this over with and back to the palace. Glances around. Some of these peasants are a little smelly.

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CHANCELLOR: I’m sorry, your great and mighty nobleness, I was just trying to explain to this. . .Looks trader 2 up and down and clears his throat. Person that Wazir. . .

EMPEROR: Who was ‘ere.

CHANCELLOR: Sire, I’m sorry nobody was ‘ere

TRADER1: I was.

TRADER2: And I was.

TRADER3: Been here all day.

CHANCELLOR: Looking round, No, well. . .I mean, Look I was simply trying to explain that the Emperor is Wazir.

TRADER2: There you go again is, was, make your mind up.

CHANCELLOR: No you dolt Wazir is a title like Emperor or Ruler.

TRADER2: Oh. . . well, why didn’t you just say?

EMPEROR: Guards. Arrest this man.

Guard 1 and guard 2 step forward and place trader 2 under arrest.

GUARD2: Yes Ma’am. What’s the charge?

EMPEROR: Terminal stupidity, and while you’re at it arrest anyone else who even looks stupid.

GUARD2: Scans the audience. I don’t think we have enough guards for that ma’am.

EMPRESS: Also scans the crowd. Oh very well, just him then, oh points at trader3 And him/ her. Looks a bit shifty to me.

GUARD2: Yes Ma’am.

Guards escort trader3 and trader2 offstage, and then return.

EMPEROR: Can we get on now.

CHANCELLOR: Yes, your Great and Mighty Nobleness. I believe it is time to read the proclamation.

EMPEROR: Oh, yes, yes. Uncurls the scroll and reads. I, the Noble and Powerful Emperor, Ruler of Imperial China, Great and Mighty Wazir, do declare my intention, on the occasion of my beautiful daughter Princess Egg Foo’s 18th birthday on Saturday of this week, to seek suitors of suitable nobility and

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wealth to take her hand in marriage. Interested parties should come to the palace on Saturday at 2p.m. with proof of their worth. Rolls up the scroll: Speaking of my daughter where is she?

CHANCELLOR: Why she’s right. . .turns and looks round. . .Well she was here a moment ago. . Guards! They step forward.

GUARD3: Yes sir.

CHANCELLOR: Escort us back to the palace immediately and then return here to search for the missing Princess Egg Foo.

GUARD3: Yes Sir.

The Guards help the Emperor off the stage. The Chancellor takes one last look around and then moves off with a sweep of his cloak.

Aladdin and Wishee Washee and Princess Egg Foo and Char Siu Now enter from opposite sides of the stage, the two conversations happen in pairs cutting across each other.

ALADDIN: Have they gone?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Have they gone?

WISHEE WASHEE: Yes, I think we’re all right.

CHAR SUI: It’s all clear.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Oh, Char Siu I’m so excited, I can’t believe we got away with it. I’ve never been out of the Palace before, not without a heavily armed guard. I feel so free.

CHAR SUI: I know princess but aren’t you afraid we’ll get into trouble?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: No, my father would do anything for me, besides I’ve only got until Saturday and then I’ll be betrothed to some boring old fuddy duddy with lots of money. Until then I intend to enjoy myself and . . .spots Aladdin. .oh my, who’s that?

CHAR SUI: Clearly looking at Wishee Washee. I don’t know Princess.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Clearly looking at Aladdin. Oh but isn’t he handsome.

CHAR SUI: Oh yes princess, he is. Wishee Washee looks directly at her and sees her watching him and gives a little wave, she waves back.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: I wonder who he is? Lets see if we can get closer and find out.

CHAR SUI: Turns back to Princess. What? Oh , of course.

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Aladdin Sighs heavily and kicks an invisible stone. When he realises that Wishee Washee isn’t looking he sighs even more loudly and repeats the kick.

WISHEE WASHEE: Are you all right Aladdin, you look a little down?

ALADDIN: She wasn’t there Wishee Washee, I’ve waited a whole year for her to leave the palace again so I could see her, and she wasn’t there.

WISHEE WASHEE: Who?

ALADDIN: The Princess Egg Foo, of course, I’ve loved her ever since I laid eyes on her, exactly one year 17 days 22 hours and 16 minutes ago.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Did he just say that he loved me?

CHAR SUI: I think he did.

ALADDIN: and now I’ll never see her again.

WISHEE WASHEE: He has noticed the princess who is now standing behind Aladdin. Never?

ALADDIN: Never, and that means that I’ll never get the chance to tell her that I love her.

WISHEE WASHEE: Oh I think you might.

ALADDIN: No Wishee, its over she’ll be betrothed to someone else by Saturday

PRINCESS EGG FOO: But I’ve got until then.

ALADDIN: Turning round to see the Princess. Princess Egg Foo?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: I believe that you just declared that you loved me so I really should know your name.

ALADDIN: It’s Aladdin, but please believe me, I did not know you were there or I never would have been so bold, forgive me.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Oh, but there’s nothing to forgive.

Music begins to play. Song:- I Can Show You The World.

ALADDIN: Could you excuse me a moment princess.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Of course.

ALADDIN: To sound desk. Could we hold the music a minute.

Music stops abruptly.

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ALADDIN: Moves over to Wishee Washee. Quick Wishee, give me all the money you have, I’ll pay you back, but this is important.WISHEE WASHEE: OK. Searches in pocket and hands over some coins.

ALADDIN: Thanks, Moves over to trader 1 Can you sing?

TRADER1: Eh?

ALADDIN: Can you sing?

TRADER1: As a matter of fact I can but. . .

ALADDIN: Good, look, do you see that beautiful Princess over there?

TRADER1: Yes.

ALADDIN: Well here’s the moment in the plot where I’m supposed to woo her with my beautiful singing voice but I can’t sing a note. So I need. . .

TRADER1: You need me to sing for you.

ALADDIN: Nods And I’ll mime and pretend it’s me. Look here’s all the money me and my brother have in the world. Will you do it?

TRADER1: Very well.

ALADDIN: Moves back to princess, looks out to sound desk. OK I’m ready now.

Music plays again. Song: A whole new world.

CHAR SUI: to Wishee Washee. Ahh doesn’t it bring a tear to your eye.

WISHEE WASHEE: Just like Peter and Jordan!!

CHAR SUI: Why do you think Peter was dubbed too?

There are some crashing sounds off stage. SFX

CHAR SUI: Quickly we must leave. It’s the Imperial Guard, they’re searching for us.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: I’m sorry I have to go.

ALADDIN: I don’t know how but I’m going to find enough wealth to come to the palace on Saturday. Here take this he hands her the ribbon. I’ll be there. Wait for me.

Curtain.

Scene 3

Widow Twankey’s Laundry. Widow Twankey is hanging washing/ wringing out

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bloomers.

WIDOW TWANKEY: I’ll kill that Aladdin when I get my hands on him, he’s snuck off into town without doing any of his chores. He’s lazier than . .insert suitable group here. . on a Friday afternoon. When I get my hands on. . . .Abanazer and Sneeze enter as he is speaking. Oh . . erm. . smoothes down frock and straightens hair. Good morning gentlemen and welcome to my fine laundering establishment. What service can I offer you this morning. We do everything from a straight service wash to a full clean and press.

ABANAZER: Good morning my dear lady. My name is Abanazer and this is my assistant Sneeze and I am seeking my dear brother whom I believe lives somewhere in this vicinity.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Disappointed Oh, well I’m sorry. What did you say your name was A Banana?

ABANAZER: Abanazer.

WIDOW TWANKEY: A bandana?

ABANAZER: A. . ban . .az . .er

WIDOW TWANKEY: Sorry, don’t know anyone of that name in these parts.

ABANAZER: Yes, erm, I believe he used our mother’s maiden name, Twankey, and he had a son whom I’ve never met and I believe his name was Aladdin.

WIDOW TWANKEY: My husband’s name was Twankey

ABANAZER: feigning surprise Really?

WIDOW TWANKEY: And I have a son named Aladdin.

ABANAZER: Really?

WIDOW TWANKEY: So that means. . .

ABANAZER: That I am your long lost brother-in-law and Aladdin is my long lost nephew.

WIDOW TWANKEY: But I’m afraid you’re too late to meet up with your brother. I lost my dear husband sniffles years ago.

ABANAZER: Yes, how sad, but my nephew Aladdin, he’s still alive?

WIDOW TWANKEY: Yes, yes he’s. . .

ABANAZER: Good, good, I’m anxious to meet him.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Well I really don’t. . .

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Aladdin and Wishee Washee run in looking behind them.

ALADDIN:. I think we’ve lost them. I . .turns round . Oh, hello mother.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Aladdin, Where have you been ?

ALADDIN: I’ve erm. .

ABANAZER: Never mind don’t worry the boy. Aladdin, Abanazer moves forward and much to Aladdin’s surprise embraces him. So good to meet you at last.

ALADDIN: Who are you?

ABANAZER: I’m your long lost uncle Abanazer and I have a proposition for you. How would you like to earn riches beyond your wildest dreams?

ALADDIN: I. . er. . What do I have to do?

ABANAZER: I simply need you to help me with an errand. Come with me and you’ll never have to work again.

ALADDIN: Thinking. With riches beyond my wildest dreams I could marry the princess. Looks at audience. What should I do should I go with him? Elicits audience response and then ignores it! All right then. I’ll go with you.

ABANAZER: Good, come this way.

Aladdin, Abanazer and Sneeze all exit.

WIDOW TWANKEY: You know there’s something about him I don’t trust.

WISHEE WASHEE: Well I just think Aladdin’s lucky that he’s got an uncle. I wish I had one?

WIDOW TWANKEY: but you’re Aladdin’s brother.

WISHEE WASHEE: I know, I just wish I had an uncle too.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Stupid boy!

Curtain

Scene 4

The dark and creepy cave. Aladdin, Abanazer and Sneeze all stand by the cave entrance. ALADDIN: So, you want me to climb into the cave and find an old lamp and bring it to you?

ABANAZER: That’s right.

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ALADDIN: And if I do that, you’ll reward me with riches beyond my wildest dreams?

ABANAZER: Yes.

ALADDIN: Why can’t he do it? Points at Sneeze.

ABANAZER: Well he would but he has a really bad chest don’t you Sneeze?

SNEEZE: Oh yes, coughs, Really bad.

ABANAZER: And allergies.

SNEEZE: Bad Allergies.

ABANAZER: Why do you think he’s called Sneeze?

Sneeze sneezes

ABANAZER: All that dust down there wouldn’t do him any good at all.

ALADDIN: Looks into the cave And you can’t do it because?

ABANAZER: Bad knees, but you’re young and fit you’ll have no problems.

ALADDIN: Starts to climb and then stops. No, I can’t do it, it’s too dark. It’s worse than a Bush Tucker trial down there.

ABANAZER: Exasperated, Look, I’ll give you this ring, it will protect you from all things that are evil, OK? Hands over ring.

ALADDIN: Holding ring up: It’ll protect me from evil?

ABANAZER: Yes.

ALADDIN: Are you sure.

ABANAZER: Look, you’ll be perfectly safe.

ALADDIN: Well, OK then, here I go. Climbs into cave.

ABANAZER: Can you see the lamp.

ALADDIN: I don’t know, it’s really dark down here. Searches around I can’t see it, I’m going further in. moves away.

ABANAZER: Rubbing hands together. At last Sneeze, I’m going to get my hands on the lamp and I’ll have power and riches beyond my wildest dreams.

SNEEZE: But isn’t that what you promised Aladdin?

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ABANAZER: That stupid boy? As soon as he hands me the lamp I’m going to seal him in that dark and dingy cave forever.

SNEEZE: You mean you lied to him?

ABANAZER: Yes Sneeze, I lied, I am after all Evil am I not.

SNEEZE: Oh yes, very evil.

ALADDIN: There’s something here. Picking up lamp but uncle can’t possibly mean this dusty old thing.

ABANAZER: Shouting into the cave. Have you found anything yet?ALADDIN: Just a dusty old lamp.

ABANAZER: Excitedly, That’s it. That’s it. Bring it here.

ALADDIN: OK, I’ll just give it a quick clean.

ABANAZER: Panicking. No! No, don’t trouble yourself just bring it to me.

ALADDIN: Oh, ok then.

ABANAZER: Pass me the lamp and then I’ll help you to climb out.

Aladdin hands up the lamp.

ABANAZER: At last I have it, it’s mine, mine, all mine.

ALADDIN: Uncle, what about me? You said you’d help me.

ABANAZER: Ah yes Aladdin, I almost forgot about you. Sneeze, seal up the entrance.

SNEEZE: Yes master. Moves object over cave entrance.

ALADDIN: Stop! What are you doing? You can’t do that.

ABANAZER: Oh, I think you’ll find we can. I’m off to enjoy my newfound riches and you will be sealed in there forever. Evil laugh.

SNEEZE: Forever, Evil laugh.

ABANAZER: I told you to stop doing that. Come Sneeze

Abanazer and Sneeze exit leaving Aladdin, alone on stage.

ALADDIN: I don’t like it in here it’s all dark and cold and dingy and there could be anything down here with me. Panicking What am I going to do? How am I going to get out? No, don’t panic Aladdin. Get a grip. There’s nothing down here with me.

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Skeletons come on behind him and walk menacingly toward him.

ALADDIN: To audience There’s nothing down here with me is there? Audience will hopefully yell behind you. Takes Aladdin time to realise what they are saying when he turns the skeletons dodge to the side so he can’t see them- asks the audience again, etc etc. Until Aladdin sees Skeletons. They both jump and the Skeletons run away.ALADDIN: I’ve really got to get out of here. There are scary evil looking things down here. I mean just look at you lot, but how? How can I get out of here? If only I had something. . . plays absently with the ring his uncle gave him spinning it around on his finger. I know. . . Shakes his head. . . . No that won’t work. . . .Finally notices the ring. Of course, uncle said this ring would protect me. I wonder how it works? Maybe it has something written on the side. If I just clean it. . .

FX Puff of smoke.SFX Loud cracking sound.Slave of The Ring appears.

SLAVE OF THE RING: Greetings my master, I am the Slave of The Ring, and I am bound by its power, now that you have summoned me, to grant you three wishes.

ALADDIN: Cool! Does that mean I can wish for anything that I want?

SLAVE OF THE RING: You may wish for anything, and I will do my humble best, but I must caution you that I am not as powerful as my cousin the Genie of the Lamp. Only he can truly give you all that your heart desires.

ALADDIN: Genie of the lamp? So that’s why my uncle wanted that dusty old lamp.

SLAVE OF THE RING: Your uncle?

ALADDIN: My Uncle Abanazer.

SLAVE OF THE RING: He is not your uncle Aladdin. He is an evil and powerful wizard, and if he has the lamp he will stop at nothing to take over all of China. He will try to marry the young Princess Egg Foo so that he can become heir to the throne.

ALADDIN: Then I must stop him, but first I need wealth. The Emperor will not even entertain me without it. I wish for the most valuable treasure on all of the planet.

SLAVE OF THE RING: I can take you to it but you must win it for yourself.

ALADDIN: I will

SLAVE OF THE RING: Very well then.

FX: Flashing lights, Smoke.

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SFX Deep rumbling soundSFX Soundtrack, ‘I’m a Pirate’Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner enter sword fightingCAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Hold on a second. I just need to fix my hair. Straightens his hair out. OK, now where were we. Oh yes. Fight continues.

WILL TURNER: We were fighting for the treasure Jack. Why don’t you just give it up. Everyone knows as the romantic hero I will eventually win both the treasure and the girl. After all this is a Disney movie

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Never underestimate the power of the loveable rogue. You think Elizabeth loves you, but secretly it’s me she likes and it’s me she will eventually be with.

WILL TURNER: Never.

Elizabeth Swan enters and steps between them.

ELIZABETH SWAN: Will, Jack, stop just stop. They both step back warily so that they are on either side of Elizabeth. You two have got to stop fighting over me.

WILL TURNER: Guiltily. Actually we weren’t.

ELIZABETH SWAN: You weren’t?

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: No, we were fighting over the treasure chest, but we could fight over you if you wanted. Grabs hold of Elizabeth’s arm and pulls her towards him. That’s if you wanted.

WILL TURNER: Grabs hold of Elizabeth’s other arm. Leave her alone, I told you she’s mine.

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Really?

Short tug ensues in which Jack and Will tug Elizabeth backwards and forwards until they manage to pull her dress off from either side, to reveal a full pirate outfit underneath.

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Well that was disappointing.

WILL TURNER: Elizabeth you do realise that when we get married you’re going to have to stop running round in pirate gear.

ELIZABETH SWAN: Oh no I’m not.

WILL TURNER: Oh yes you are.

ELIZABETH SWAN: Eliciting audiences help. Oh no I’m not. Keep this going as long as you want.

ELIZABETH SWAN: Look I’m sick of the pair of you. If you want to fight for

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me, you’ll have to fight with me. Three way fight ensues to reprieve of ‘I’m a Pirate.’ They fight off the stage.

ALADDIN: I don’t have to fight them for the chest do I?

SLAVE OF THE RING: No, but you might have to fight him.

Davy Jones enters.

ALADDIN: Gulping. Who’s he?

DAVY JONES: I am Davy Jones, son and if you want my chest you will have to fight me.

ALADDIN: What. . His voice squeaks in fear so he has to start again. What’s in the chest?

DAVY JONES: That be the greatest treasure in all the world- the still beating heart of me, Davy Jones.

Aladdin turns to look at the slave of the ring.

ALADDIN: Accusingly. That’s not much of a treasure. That won’t win me the princess.

SLAVE OF THE RING: Shrugs. It’s not my fault the scriptwriters in the Disney Movie exaggerated. I told you I wasn’t very powerful.

DAVY JONES: Moving forward menacingly. So son do you want to fight me or shall I just give you the black spot.

ALADDIN: Slave can you get me out of here?

SLAVE OF THE RING: Only if you use one of your wishes.

ALADDIN: OK, I’d better wish for somewhere safe. I wish I was back home.

FX Flashing lights, Smoke, Curtain.SFX Crackling sound.Scene 5

Widow Twankey’s laundry.

WIDOW TWANKEY: It’s getting late and it’ll be dark soon I hope Aladdin’s uncle gets him back before it goes too dark.

FX Flashing lights, Smoke, Curtain.SFX Crackling sound.

Aladdin and The Slave of The Ring appear.

WIDOW TWANKEY: What on earth. . .? Aladdin! And erm. . .What’s

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happened? Where’s your uncle?

ALADDIN: Oh, mother it was terrible it turns out evil Abanazer isn’t my uncle at all. He was just using me to get his hands on the magic lamp that holds a powerful genie, so that he can marry the princess and become the most powerful wizard in all of China. Fortunately he left me with a magic ring and I used my first wish to try to get the greatest treasure on all the earth away from some scary pirates but they were too scary so I used my second wish to come back here. Aside And that insert appropriate class here. is how you do a plot summary.

WIDOW TWANKEY: So hold on, your uncle isn’t your uncle?

ALADDIN: No, never was.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Hmm, I was a bit suspicious because your father was an only child! And he now has the magic lamp?

ALADDIN: Yes and control of the Genie. We’ve got to stop him before he manages to kidnap the princess.

Wishee Washee runs in.

WISHEE WASHEE: Mother, mother you’ll never guess what? Oh hello Aladdin.

WIDOW TWANKEY: What?

WISHEE WASHEE: It’s the Princess Egg Foo, she’s been kidnapped.

Everyone reacts with shock

ALADDIN: Oh no, I’m too late. Abanazer has her.

WISHEE WASHEE: Abanazerazer? I thought he was just Abanazer? And where is he? And why are you back? And, pointing at Slave of the ring, who’s she?

ALADDIN: Well, it turns out evil Abanazer isn’t my uncle, he’s an evil and powerful wizard and. . .oh never mind it’s a long story. The important thing is that we have to rescue the Princess.

WISHEE WASHEE: From?

ALADDIN: From Abanazer of course.

WISHEE WASHEE: Because he has her, oh , I get ya now! Pause I can’t.

ALADDIN: Why not?

WISHEE WASHEE: I’m washing my hair, sorry, no rescuing princesses from evil wizards whilst me ends are all split.

ALADDIN: Looking appealingly at widow Twankey. Mother!

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WIDOW TWANKEY: Now don’t be silly Wishee, your hair can wait. You have to help your brother to rescue the Princess. To Audience. Who knows she might put in a good word for me with that handsome chancellor.

WISHEE WASHEE: Do I have to?

WIDOW TWANKEY: Yes.

ALADDIN: Good come on there’s not a moment to lose.

They start to head off the stage, The Slave of the Ring follows.

WISHEE WASHEE: Who is she?

ALADDIN: Long story, I’ll explain as we’re going along.

Curtain

Scene 6

The Market Place. The Chancellor enters followed by the guards.GUARD 1: Left, right, left right left right halt, Right Wheel, Atten shun!

CHANCELLOR: Now, I have brought you here because it is very important that we do everything in our power to find and rescue the Princess. You, points at guard 2.

CHANCELLOR: you will help me put up posters offering a reward for information about the Princess. You points to guard 3 go and start questioning peasants. Guard 3 exits.

CHANCELLOR: Ok, I’ve got the poster and the nails. Do you have the hammer?

GUARD 2: Yes sir.

CHANCELLOR: OK, I’ll hold the poster and you hit the nail.

Guard 1 unfurls the poster and puts the nail in place. Guard 2 hits his hand before he can get it out of the way. Guard 1 reacts jumping up and down.

CHANCELLOR: Oww Oww Oww. What did you do that for you idiot I wasn’t ready.

GUARD 2: Sorry.

CHANCELLOR: All right let’s try again. This time I’ll nod my head when I’m ready. Don’t do anything until I nod my head. Got that?

GUARD 2: Yes sir

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CHANCELLOR: Here we go then. Unfurls poster, positions nail and then nods. Guard 2 nods back so he nods again etc. He lets poster roll up. What are you doing now?

GUARD 2: You said don’t do anything until I nod my head, so I didn’t.

CHANCELLOR: But I nodded my head?

GUARD 2: But you didn’t tell me what to do when you nodded your head.

CHANCELLOR: Sighs heavily. Right, OK I can make my instructions clear enough for even you to follow. So, don’t do anything until I nod my head. When I nod my head you hit it. Got that.

GUARD 2: When you nod your head I hit it.

CHANCELLOR: That’s it, good. OK, here we go again. Unfurls poster, positions nail and then nods.

Guard 2 hits him on the head and he falls over. Guard 1 jumps up angrily off the floor.

CHANCELLOR: Why you. . .

Chancellor chases guard 2 off the stage.

Enter Donkey from Shrek singing along to Daydream Believer.

DONKEY: Oh my buts it’s good to be me, and it’s good to be alive and it’s especially good to be both. Darn it but if I aren’t the handsomest, most intelligent, best looking talking animal in the entire kingdom if not the entire world and I’m witty too and. . .What’s going on over there.

The Chancellor enters talking to Albert.

CHANCELLOR: You know that other guard is incompetent. He can’t even put up a poster. I think you may be in line for a promotion.

GUARD 3: Thank you sir.

CHANCELLOR: I mean, how are we ever going to rescue the Princess from that evil Wizard Abanazer if no one knows she’s missing.

GUARD 3: We could go on Crimewatch sir, do a reconstruction of the kidnapping.

CHANCELLOR: Looking at him, good idea, shame television won’t be invented for about 1000 years. Come, come we’d better get these posters up ourselves.

They exit.

DONKEY: Did they just say what I thought they said? The Princess kidnapped,

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KIDNAPPED? Not again, I can’t go through that again, rescuing her single handed from tall towers and fiery dragons, I mean I almost got my ass. . .ets fried not to mention those big teeth, and I can’t just rely on my amazing good lucks and boyish charm to win over another Dragon the next one might really. .

DIRECTOR: Stop, Stop, look I’m sorry Mr Caunce but I’m going to have to stop you there.

DONKEY: Why, what’s wrong?

DIRECTOR: Well, there’s all the ad-libbing for a start. It doesn’t say anything about you being the handsomest, most intelligent anything in the script, nor does it talk about you rescuing the Princess single handed last time. In fact, that’s not even true is it?

DONKEY: Yeah, well I suppose Shrek was there but. .

DIRECTOR: But nothing, we’ve had this discussion before. There is no ad-libbing in a Bury Church Production. We stick to the script don’t we. .insert name of appropriate pupils here, turning back to Donkey. So stick to the script and let’s have a little more drama, a little more passion. Go from your line- kidnapped.

DONKEY: Seriously over acting on the first word. KIDNAPPED? Oh no the princess can’t have been kidnapped again. What will Shrek do? He and I will have to go rescue her and it will be terrible just terrible sobs, so, so terrible.

Shrek enters.

SHREK: Why Donkey, whatever’s the matter?

DONKEY: Oh it’s terrible Shrek, it’s the Princess Fiona, she’s been kidnapped again and now we’ll have to go rescue her and. . . .

SHREK: What are you talking about, Princess Fiona’s here with me.

DONKEY: Really?

Princess Fiona Enters.

PRINCESS FIONA: Yes, Donkey I’m here.

DONKEY: Princess Fiona, it is you! I’m so glad, and now we can. . .but hold on a minute. If its not you that’s been kidnapped then who. .

SHREK: Oh no.

PRINCESS FIONA: It must be another Princess and the only other Princess around here is . .

ALL: Princess Egg Foo,

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PRINCESS FIONA: and she’s so young.

DONKEY: At least it’s not our problem. I mean we can get out of here now right? because I really fancied trying out this new wine bar. . . .

SHREK: Reproachfully, Donkey.

DONKEY: Looks from Shrek to the Princess and back again. We gotta help rescue her huh?

PRINCESS FIONA: Of course we do.

SHREK: We are animated heroes after all.

PRINCESS FIONA: Come on let’s see what we can find out.

They head off.

DONKEY: You know, sometimes this being a hero gig really sucks.

Curtain.

Scene 7

The Dungeon of Evil Abanazer's palace.The prisoners are sitting around looking miserable. Princess Egg Foo stands with her head in her hands, crying.

CHAR SUI: Don’t get upset Princess, I’m sure that we’ll get out of here.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Wiping her eyes. Do you really think so Char Sui. Abanazer is so rich and so powerful and so evil. I don’t think he ever means to let us go.

PRISONER 1: You’ll never get out of here.

PRISONER 2: There’s no way to escape.

PRISONER 1: There’s only one way out. Feet first, it’s the only way.

Princess Egg Foo starts crying again.

CHAR SUI: You can all shut up. Don’t listen to them Princess. We will be rescued. A handsome hero will come along and rescue us they always do.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Do you really think so. Do you believe there are still some heroes about?

CHAR SUI: Don’t you?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: I used to but. . .maybe.

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SFX Music: Holding out for a Hero.Song:- Holding out for a hero.

Abanazer and Sneeze enter cutting off the ending of the song.

ABANAZER: What’s all this racket? Singing about heroes Princess? Well, I’m sorry but even if there were any about they’d be too late to rescue you, for we are to be married this very day.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Married, never, I will never agree to it.

ABANAZER: Oh, I’m sorry, did I give you the impression that you had a choice? Bring her Sneeze.

SNEEZE: With pleasure.

Sneeze grabs hold of the Princess by the arms and moves her towards Abanazer.

SFX Loud crashing and a roaring sound offstage.

ABANAZER: Sneeze, go and find out what on earth that was.

SNEEZE: But I’d much rather stay and guard the Princess couldn’t you go and. .

ABANAZER: Sneeze!

Sneeze reluctantly lets go and heads off muttering.

ABANAZER: Don’t worry Princess I’m sure this is just a temporary delay to our wedding plans.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: It’s not the delay that’s worrying me.

ABANAZER: Sneeze!

Sneeze reenters out of breath

SNEEZE: Yes Master.

ABANAZER: Have you found out what’s going on?

SNEEZE: Yes, but you’ll never believe me.

ABANAZER: Try me.

SNEEZE: There are two ogres and a donkey attacking the East gate and a Dragon is breathing fire into the courtyard over the South wall and. . . I’m not sure I believe this myself, but there’s a giant gingerbread boy with frosted buttons attacking the West gate.

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ABANAZER: You’re right I don’t believe you. Get out of my way while I check this out. I will be back soon Princess.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Don’t hurry.

Abaneezer and Sneeze exit

CHAR SUI: See Princess I told you someone would come to rescue you.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Two ogres, a donkey a dragon and a gingerbread boy, its hardly your standard heroes is it? I was hoping for someone a little more hunky.

Aladdin, the Slave of The Ring and Wishee Washee have entered behind her.

ALADDIN: Will I do?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Turning. Oh Aladdin, you came to rescue me. They embrace.

CHAR SUI: Oh Wishee Washee you came to rescue me. She moves to embrace him.

WISHEE WASHEE: No, I just came with Al. . .She puts her arms around him Yes, Yes that’s right I came to rescue you.

SLAVE OF THE RING: I hate to break this up but we’re not out of here yet, and you used up your last wish for me to get you here.

PRISONER 1: Feet first it’s the only way.

ALL: Shutup.

ALADDIN: Yes, we need to get out of here before Abanazer gets back. He takes the Princesses hand, Come on this way.

ABANAZER: Not so fast Aladdin.

ALADDIN: Speaking very slowly. Come on this way.

ABANAZER: Very Droll, but you’re not getting away from here that easily. Your distraction was good but you can’t hope to defeat me alone

ALADDIN: Oh but I don’t, that’s why I brought them.

Guards appear with swords drawn pointing at Abanazer’s throat. Sneeze is ushered in by another guard.

ALADDIN: Now hand over the lamp.

Abanazer reluctantly hands over the lamp.Aladdin takes it from him and rubs it.

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FX Flashing lights, loud bang.Genie appears.

GENIE: I am the Genie of the lamp. Your wish is my command.

ALADDIN: So I can wish for anything I want?

GENIE: Anything.

ALADDIN: First I wish for the Slave of the Ring to be Free

FX, Flash, smoke, Slaves Amulets drop off SFX bang

GENIE: It is done.

ALADDIN: Now I wish for riches beyond my wildest dreams.

FX

GENIE: This castle and all its contents are yours.

ALADDIN: Good, now there’s something that you can’t help me with. Turns to the princess. Princess, will you marry me?

PRINCESS EGG FOO: Of course I will Aladdin.

ALL: Ahhhh

ALADDIN: And now we must get you home so that I can get your father’s blessing and we can have a proper celebration.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: What about Abanazer?

ALADDIN: He can stay here in his own dungeon.

ABANAZER: I would have got away with it if it wasn’t for those darn ogres.

ALADDIN: Lock him up. Sneeze too.

SNEEZE: Hey no, I haven’t done anything, I was just the sidekick I. . .

ABANAZER: Shut up Sneeze.

ALADDIN: Now Genie take the rest of us back to the Emperor’s palace for our celebration.

FXSFX

Scene 8

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Emperor’s palace.

EMPEROR: Isn’t it wonderful my beloved daughter to be married to the richest man in the kingdom. And he’s handsome too. Where’s the chancellor he should be preparing for the ceremony.Looking around Ah, there he is and he appears to be running away from someone.

Chancellor enters followed closely by Widow Twankey who manages to grab him.

WIDOW TWANKEY: Oh there you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere you handsome chap. Who would have thought it my Aladdin marrying the princess and I. . .

Aladdin and the Princess enter.

ALADDIN: I think we’d better rescue the chancellor or the wedding will never happen. He rubs the lamp.

FX SFX Genie Appears.

PRINCESS EGG FOO: I think it’s time to start the festivities and I think everyone needs to join in.

GENIE: OK

Entire cast moves on to stage as music starts.

Finale song Don’t Stop Me Now- McFly version- audience participation.

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