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I\novr\f-hcntoFold'ErnWant to be one of life'swinners? Stop tryingl You'llbe a lot healthief maybewealthief and altogetherhappier. MARTHA BEcKon the power and theglory of giving up.

C A L I - M Y f R I L , N D B I : ' l ' S Y"Best-y" for two reasons: f i rst,

because she 's one o f the bes t -beloved people in my l i f-e, andsecond, because anything she

tries, she does better than anyone elsein the world. The one thing that oc-casionally ruffles our mutual affectionis that we're both rather competit ive,in the sense that i f you wonde redaloud which of us could most quicklyremove her own gall bladder withk i tchen implements, Besty and Iwould be fighting for steak knives be-fore the words left your mouth.

That doesn't bother me, though,

because I 'm less compet i t i ve thanBesty If someone'\Mere to rank us onnoncompetit iveness, I would defi-nitelywin.

Anyway, one January- resolutiontime, goal t ime, gotta-shed-holiday-weight time-Besryand I joined somepals at a spa, planning to refocus, get inshape, prove that when the going getstough, the toughgetgoing. Instead, '

I L L U S T R A T I O N S B Y G U Y B I L L O U T

od+Ja)c)U

(d

that week taught me to honor 'W.C.

to think ofit. Sometimes, though, despite The mechanism that helps people

Fields's profound statement "If at first heavy medication, the memory returns quit appropriately, Miller and Wrosch

you dont succeed, try agaifl.Then quit. unbidden, and I hear again the yoga in- discovered, was not wisdom but dejec-No use being a damn fool about it." The structor's cofirment,'(The keyto success is tion. People who are trying in vain even-thing is, science supports this. Contrary persistence. Quitting is failure." My mind tually get depressed about their ongoingto conventional wisdom, the ability to reacted to this with numb acquiescence - failure, and those who respond to this de-quit easily makes us healthier-and I'dhearditsooften,afterall.Butmybody pressionbyquittingwhenitfirstappearswealthier- than does leechlike tenacity silently screamed, "Not always!" enjoy all kinds of benefits.

Tirrns out my body was right. I didn't think about this scientifically

I Quitters'Win and Recently psychologists GregoryMiller during that yoga class-though I experi-XTinners Quit andCarstenWroschsetouttoinvestigate enced it subjectivelywhen the teacherAfter settling in at the spa, Besty and I the mental and physical health of people guided us into a shoulder stand. The poseconsidered the activities being offered who resist quitting, and of those who caused my body to quake violently withthe followingday ffi exhaustion as myworkout shorts

. . o h , l o o k ! ' ' s a i d B e s t y . . T h e r e , s - - - ] : ' \ . t ^ r u f e [ b a c k a r o u n d m y p e l v i s a n d m y

a m o r n i n g h i k e a t 5 a . M . ! ' ' , J g w g a z e w a S f o r c e d u p w a r d . G e n t l e"Great!" I said, trying not to - --.-' Y '

*-.i\.W reader,youcannotimagineaghast-show horror. If Besty .oi,ld h",rl -'r--._\

| ---- -\\.JW lierview:The depressionevokedby

herself out of bed and frolic ath- - t. _ \l](

\ :...\*\;v-\NJ

:l:^f:lT::':l_:l'-.,"1.y "f -yherselt out ot bed and trolrc ath- - r.-

--.- .lS .\ .

-..\. \ \i\\. \

tne geratlnous conslstency oI myletically in the middle of the night, _

'-- - -.*,.. 'r

. \ \rq: thighs beggars description.

then, dammit, so could I. -\\ \ \ \ \ \ ". I should've quit right then. I

,, 'We'l lbebackintimeforwater . -.. ' \,ra. ' ..\ \ i .

\ l , \ \. would have, if Bestyweren't so

aerobics," said Besty. ,'a;na g{tgr .,

\ tt,"

\ \ \\ at \ competitive.ae rob i cs , " sa idBes ty . 'Anda f te r . ' \ ' t ' n \ \ \ \ \ \ compe t i t i ve .

;1ffitl,',:"'tineand"thenkick- *\ \\

\ =- \\ rrheeuittingBonu>= S"Fun ! " I echoed .Then lhea rd

\ l \ . \ I f t ' t \ \ ' . \ t \ The fac t t ha t l con t i nuedw i th themyownvo i ce , l i kea t ra inw i thno \ \ \ \ ' t \ \ 1 ' . . \ t \ c l assexemp l i f i esmyapproach to1"fi:;lx'#JJnT;,1'::*" h\

ffifi{#,,iffi"Cool!" said Besty "I'

?;|hxil";;*,f,\1exhausting, recondite competition. problems as well as physical ones.Besty walked faster than I did on T -_ _ | - That's right-quitters prosper notthehike,becausel'-";;;;;; Leafnlng tO qult onlyphyircallybuttinanciilyi n g p e r s o n . T h e n I e d g e d h e r o u t i n l . | ) . . Y | _ . ^ J � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � �*.igttt training. Kickboxingwas a Wnlle yoUfe not anead lS One dent learns about the "sunk-cost

draw-her kicks were higher, butshe's tall, which must be considered.Bestygot more praise from the Pi-lates coach, but I got more inJazzer-cise. After seven straight hours ofstrenuous exercise, I felt as thoughmymuscles had been taken apart, scoured,then badly reassembled by a team of evilstudent nurses. Besty still looked fresh.Pert. She looked really pert.

"Ready to call it a day?" I asked."'Well..." Besty said. "There's still an

advanced yoga class before dinner."I looked at my schedule. Dammit!

Dammit!Dammit!"Shall we2" asked Besty like a kid on

Christmas morning.'Absolutely!" I gagged. "Vouldrt't miss

it!" That class lasted approximately aslong as the Pleistocene epoch. I trynever

4 8 r a r u A R Y 2 o o 8

of the best financial andlife skills vou can master.

throw in the towel when facing unattain-

able goals. The second group-the quit-ters -were healthier than their persistentpeers on almost everyvariable. They suf-fered fewer health problems, from diges-tive trouble to rashes, and showed fewersigns of psychological stress.

In another study, which followed agroup ofteenagers for ayear, subjectswho quit easily had much lower levels ofa protein linked to inflammation thandid their more tenacious peers. Thismade them less likely to develop manydebilitating illnesses later in life.

fallacy," though virtually no one re-members itwhen making spendingchoices. The sunk-cost fallacy is auniversal human error. It refers toour tendencyto throwgood moneyafter bad, trying to justifr our mis-

takes by devoting more resources tothem. For example, a gambler who's losta small fortune is likely to stay and keephemorrhaging cash precisely becausehe's losing. I m doun $to,ooo, the thinkinggoes. 1 bave to keep playing until I get itbach-tbis rotten luch can't go onforever.This is how human psychologyworks.

It is not how realityworks.Agambler is no more likely to win on

the 5ooth roulette spin than on anyoftheprevious 499. But a huge amount ofeffortgoes into attempts at redeemingthings-l e m o n c a r s , I c o N T T N U E D o N t t e n 5 o l

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AnolonThe Do'lt All Knrfe

I c o p r r N U E D F R o M c e e t 4 8 ] m O n e y - P l t

houses, horrible relationships, wars -

that just arent working. Learning to quitwhile you're not ahead, when the dull oozeofdepression tells you things are not goingto get any better, is one ofthe best finan-cial and life skillsyou can master.

This should have occurred to me wellbefore Besry and I hit that yoga studio. Itshould have occurred to me several yearsearlier. when I first realized that she wassimply better than I was at everything.But even after a thousand failed at-tempts-and even though I once acruallytaught at a business school-I forged on.

I How to QuitMoving from shoulder stand to trianglepose, I was hit by two things: a back spasmand the realization that though I wasreadyto quit, I didn't knowhow I'd neverpracticed quitt ing. I didn't know theright path out of the room, the right fa-

cial expression, the right way to give up.So there I stood, befuddled, trying to

touch my right foot with my right handwhile bending sideways, when I heard acomplicated thumping from the otherside of the studio. By rolling my eyes farback into my skull, I sawwhat had made

the sound. Besty had toppled from tri-angle pose directly into corpse pose.

She seemed too tired to speak, butfrom her feeble movements, she mighthave been trying to signal something-perhaps that she wished to be rinsed. ButI took my own message from her exam-ple. In that moment, I saw with greatclarity that (to paraphrase poet ElizabethBishop) the art of quitting isn't hard tomaster. \J7e can always just go limp.

That's something any toddler intui-tively knows. For instance, when mydaughter Katie was 3, she said she'd just

met "that fatlady next door." I told herthat was wonderful, except that it was bet-ter to refer to "the fat lady'' as Mrs. Ellis.

"Xfhat if I forget?" Katie asked."I7ell, honey, then I'll remind you."Katie thought for a minute and asked,

"'What if I refuse?"That, frankly was a stumper. I had no

real way to force my daughter- or anyoneelse - to continue doing something shesimplyrefused to do.

So, how do you quit doing somethingwhen depression, inflammation, and

financial disasterloom? Ifworst comes toworst, tust stop. The formalities will takecare of themselves. I'm not advocatingthis, but if you stop showing up at work,they'll fire you. If you refuse to act mar-ried, your spouse will eventually driftaway or file for divorce. It's far betterkarma to be up-front and honorableabout quitting. I'm just pointing out thatyou always have the power to quit some-thing at a physical level. In other words:Corpse pose is always an option.

This applies to everything, including(stay with me here) the process of quit-ting itself. Ifyou're trying in vain to quitsomethingyou do compulsively like over-spending or smoking or macram6, tryquitting the effort to quit. As therapistslike to say "What we resist, persists," andthis is especiallytrue ofbad habits. Imag-ine trying not to eat one sinfully deliciouschocolate truffle. Got it? Okay now imag-ine trying to eat ro,ooo truffles at onesitting. For most ofus, the thought ofnot-quitting in this enormous way- indulgingourselves beyond desire- actually damp-ens the appetite. It's a counterintuitivemethod, but if the "I will abstain from..."resolutions you make each year are utter,depressing failures, you might quit quit-

ting and see what happens. !7hen myclients stop unsuccessful efforts to quit,they often experience such a sense ofre-lief and empowerment that quitting be-comes easier-it's paradoxical but true.(Try it before you dismiss it.)

I didn't knowwhat made Bestyhit thefloor of the yoga studio. I assumed she'dsimply misplaced her center ofgravity dueto having lost so much weight in one dayBut I was wrong. She'd had enough-andher giving in to the force ofgravity had aliberating effect on me. I found myselfshuffling toward the dooq and as I did,my depression lightened. I'd stumbledacross a transformative resolution I'd keepall that year: to quit when I was behind,without shame or self-recrimination. Itwas a watershed moment in my life andin my friendship with Besry She was fit-ter and more determined than I was, andeven when it came to quitting, my friendhad done the job first, and best.

Dammit. l0

Martba Beck is tbe autborofThe Four-DayWin(Rodale).

ffi-

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