Youth and Adult Partnerships-

Let our Voice Be Heard

RIAZ.K.M & THASLEEM SABITH.KAssistant Professors, Government College of Nursing,

Thrissur

• The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place

George Bernard Shaw

Today's work place

• 4-5 generations

• 4 different personalities

• Different genders

• Many cultures

• Personal issues

• Lack of emotional intelligence (self awareness + self management+ social awareness)

• American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in the 1950's

Johari window

1. Open area, open self, free area, free self, or 'the arena‘: what is known by the person about him/herself and is also known by others -

2. Blind area, blind self, or 'blind spot‘: what is unknown by the person about him/herself but which others know

3. Hidden area, hidden self, avoided area, avoided self or 'façade’: what the person knows about him/herself that others do not know

4. Unknown area or unknown self: what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is also unknown by others

Johari window

Consequences of bad communication habits

• Lose respect from co workers

• Lose respect of your superiors

• Affect your profession

• Fired from your job

6 pillars of Communication

• Assertiveness

• Authenticity

• Open mindedness

• Empathy

• Clarity

• Listening

For better communication

• Identify potential consequences

• Acknowledge the bad habits

• Learn and implement better skills

E+R=O

Event +Response =Outcome

• Event (any thing and every thing out side you)

• Response (your thoughts, emotions and behaviors) (response = responsibility)

Barriers of communication

• Biases

• Perception (difference between reality and your perception)

• Cultural barriers

• Physical barriers

• Sociological barriers

• psychological barrier

Three Styles of Communication

• Not expressing honest feelings, thoughts andbeliefs.

• Allowing others to violate your rights.

• Expressing thoughts and feelings in anapologetic, self‐effacing way

• Violating your own rights.

• Showing a subtle lack of respect for the otherperson’s ability to take disappointments

• shoulder others responsibility, or handle theirproblems.

Verbal characteristics• long rambling sentences, beat‐around‐the‐bush• hesitant, filled with pauses, frequent throat clearing• apologize inappropriately in a soft unsteady voice using

phrases such as “if it wouldn’t be too much trouble…”• fill in words, e.g., “maybe” , “er”, “um”, “sort of”• voice often dull and monotonous• over‐soft or over‐warm, quiet often dropping away

frequent justifications, e.g., “I wouldn’t normally say anything”

• apologies, e.g., “I’m terribly sorry to bother you..• qualifiers, e.g., “Its only my opinion” or “I might be

wrong”• self‐dismissal, e.g., “It’s not important” or “It doesn’t

really matter”• self put‐downs, e.g., “I’m useless...hopeless” or “You

know me...”

• Non‐verbal characteristics:• averting gaze, looking down• posture can be slouched, wringing hands• winking or laughing when expressing anger• covering mouth with hand, crossing arms for

protection• ghost smiles when expressing anger or being

criticized• raising eyebrows in anticipation• jaw trembling, lip biting

• Thinking style:• “I don’t count”• “My feelings, needs and thoughts are less

important than yours”• “People will think badly of me or not like me”• “If I say no then I may upset someone, I will be

responsible for upsetting them”

After being nonassertive

• you feel bad

• you feel controlled by other people

• you feel little

• you feel helpless

• Sometimes prone to build up of stress and anger that can explode in a really aggressive manner

• Others often make unreasonable demands of you

• Can get stuck in relationships that aren’t healthy and find it very difficult to change

• Restrict self into other people’s image of a lovable good person

• When repressing anger and frustration this diminishes other more positive feelings in you

• Loss of self esteem

Being nonassertive is not a good way to communicate.

Aggressive

• You stand up for your personal rights and express your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in a way that is usually inappropriate and always violates the rights of the other person.

• People often feel devastated by an encounter with an aggressive person

• Superiority is maintained by putting others down.

Aggressive • Verbal characteristics:

• Strident, sarcastic or condescending voice

• Fluent, few hesitations, Often abrupt, clipped, fast

• Emphasising blaming words

• Firm voice, Tone sarcastic, cold, harsh

• Voice can be strident, often shouting, rising at end

• Use of threats, e.g., “You’d better watch out” or “If you don’t...”

• Put downs, e.g., “You’ve got to be kidding...” or “Don’t be so stupid”

Aggressive • Verbal characteristics:

• Evaluative comments, emphasizing concepts such as: should”, “bad”, “ought”

• Sexual / racist remarks

• Boastfulness, e.g., “I haven’t got problems like yours”

• Opinions expressed as fact, e.g., “Nobody want to behave like that” or “That’s a useless way to do it”

• Threatening questions, e.g., “Haven’t you finished that yet?” or “Why on earth did you do it like that?”

Aggressive • Non‐verbal characteristics:

• Intruding into the other person’s space

• Staring the other person out

• Gestures such as pointing, fist clenching

• Leaning forward or over

• Crossing arms (unapproachable)

• Smiling may become sneering

• Scowling when angry

• Jaws set firm

Aggressive • Thinking style:

• “I’ll get you before you have a chance of getting me”

• “I’m out for number one”

• “The world is a battle ground and I am out to win”

Aggressive • Your behaviour will create enemies and

resentment in those around you

• This can result in a sense of paranoia and fear

• If you are always trying to control others it can be difficult for you to relax

• Your relationships will tend to be based on negative emotions and are likely to be unstable

• Aggressive people tend to feel inferior deep down and try to compensate for that by putting others down

• Feelings of guilt and shame

• Decreasing self confidence and self esteem

Being aggressive is not a good way to communicate.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS• SYMPTOMS: Passive-Aggressive behavior implies the unconscious

(out of the person’s self-awareness)

• expressions of anger toward others or self.

• hurt the people who are waiting for them and depending on them.

• Students who turn things in late, are late to classes, miss class because they accidentally slept late, or wait until the last minute to study for exams,

• likely get poorer grades or even flunk out and miss out on the career they wanted.

• show displeasure and walk away

• Intentional Inefficiency

• Addictive Behaviors

Assertive communication

• A way of communicating our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an open, honest manner without violating the rights of others

• It is an alternative to being aggressive where we abuse other people’s rights, and passive where we abuse our own rights.

Assertive communication • Verbal characteristics:

• Firm, relaxed voice, Fluent, few hesitations• Steady even pace, Tone is middle range, rich

and warm• Sincere and clear, Not over‐loud or quiet• Voice appropriately loud for the situation• “I” statements (“I like”, “I want”, “I don’t like”)

that are brief and to the point• Co‐operative phrases, e.g., “What are your

thoughts on this”• Emphatic statements of interest, e.g., “I would

like to”• Distinction between fact and opinion, e.g.,

“My experience is different”

Assertive communication • Verbal characteristics:

• Suggestions without “should” or “ought's” e.g., “How about…” or “Would you like to…”

• Constructive criticism without blame, e.g., “I feel irritated when you interrupt me”

• Seeking others opinions, e.g., “How does this fit in with your ideas”

• Willingness to explore other solutions, e.g., “How can we get around this problem?”

Assertive communication • Non‐verbal characteristics:

• Receptive listening

• Direct eye contact without staring

• Erect, balanced, open body stance

• Open hand movements

• Smiling when pleased

• Frowning when angry

• Features steady

• Jaw relaxed

• Thinking style:

• “I won’t allow you to take advantage of me and I won’t attack you for being who you are”

Being assertive is a good way to communicate.

Tips for Dealing With an AggressiveAdolescent

• No child is always bad

• Respect

• Don’t ignore

• Be positive

• Don’t rationalize

• Avoid a power struggle

• Behavior contracts

• Effective commands

• Set up house rules or classroom rules that must always be followed

• Negative consequences

• Increase ongoing communication and cohesion

• Model effective problem solving

• Teach quick but effective relaxation techniques (deep breathing, counting to 10)

• Develop a list of coping statements to deal with anger

• understanding others’ perspectives, including what others may be thinking and feeling

• Teach the skills for negotiating needs with peers, parents, and teachers

• Autonomy

• Monitoring and Evaluation

• Provide the adolescent with techniques for joining new, positive peer groups and avoiding deviant peer groups and negative peer pressure

Basic Rules of Negotiation

1. Know what you want and why.

2. Plan what you will say.

3. Be truthful.

4. Don’t give up.

“Negotiating is the art of reaching an agreement byresolving differences through creativity”

Types of negotiation

The three ‘Ps’ in negotiation

– Position (power?)

– Perspective (empathy)

– Problems (solutions)

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.Indira Gandhi

Negotiation Skill Steps• Face the other person.• Look in the eyes of the other person.• Use a good voice tone (not too loud or whiny).• Use a good facial expression.• Use good body posture (straight or relaxed).• Use good listening skills.• Ask for what you want.• State the reason why you want it.• Thank the other person if he or she agrees to the

request.• Suggest a compromise if he or she does not agree.

Criticism

• Keep in mind that

• criticism deals with behavior – things you say and do – not your personality

Criticism

• If there is truth in the criticism, agree with it.

• If you have made a mistake, acknowledge assertively what you did.

• If somebody continues to criticize you when it is not necessary, ask him what it is exactly that you are doing that bothers him.

AcceptingCriticism

• Stay calm – don’t get angry and upset.

• Ask what specific things I can do to improve my work.

• Thank the person for the feedback.

• Say that I will make the changes.

Taking Responsibility forOne’s actions

• Don’t blame someone else.

• Say that I made a mistake.

• Ask how I can correct it or say how I will correct it.

Being realistic About one’sCapabilities

• Admit that there is a problem.

• Listen to advice from others.

• Say what I will do.

• Thank people who give me advice.

If not assertive during criticism

• “Nice person”

• “complainer with oneself”

• Clinging Vine – who clings to others and expects them to stick up for your rights and intervene on your behalf

• Silent Victim – who has resigned herself to lack of needed services because “there’s nothing I can do about it”

If not assertive during criticism

• Fairy Princess – who expects everything to happen

• Waiter – who waits for something someone promised

• Bombshell – who fires angry missiles sporadically

• Scaredy Cat – afraid that “if I make trouble they’ll get back at me”

• Appeaser – who compromises your needs because “if I ask for too much they won’t give me anything”

• Sellout Self-advocate – who makes deals with bureaucrats to get services for himself and pressures others not to rock the boat

Disarming

• Diffuse the energy of the person confronting you

• Move the discussion in more productive manner in the right direction

• Thanking confrontation

• Finding truth in the criticism

• Validating feelings

• Giving undeserved credits

• Accepting more responsibility

Disarming statements

• “What a relief”

• “You are right”

• “Thank you for bringing that up”

• “I appreciate the feed back”

• “Thank goodness finally someone finally said that out loud”

• “Its refreshing to hear some one actually speak his or her mind”

• “People tell me that sometimes”

Youth and Adult Partnerships

• Provides opportunities for youth and adults to work together

• Excellent learning opportunity for both groups

• Adults work with youth as equals in the partnership (not do activities to or for youth)

• Benefits of youth involvement:

– Youth recruit other youth more effectively than adults

– Youth have a fresh perspective

– Youth have access to information

– Youth gain self-esteem and new skills.

– Communities gain new source of potential leaders

• Benefits of youth involvement:

– New role models are formed.

– Negative youth activities are reduced.

– Adults learn they don’t need to be responsible for everything.

– Adults better understand youth and become re-energized.

– Youth better understand adults and the roles they play.

Tips to develop effective YAP’s

• Don't expect more from youth than you would from an adult. Youth have busy schedules and deadlines too.

• Treat youth as individuals. Don't ask one youth to represent all youth.

• Encourage youth & adults to work as equal partners with balanced voices.

• Respect youth as having a significant contribution to make and do not view them only as program beneficiaries.

• Don't interrupt. Allow youth the chance to finish their thoughts.

• Help the group feel comfortable with each other and overcome the initial anxiety.

• Outline expectations and responsibilities of youth and adult members. Establish a set of shared values, such as respect, equality, openness, listening, and trust.

• Work toward outcomes that address real issues and needs of youth & community.

• Allow youth and adults to learn together and explore beneficial new program ideas.

• Take joint responsibility for decision-making, identifying issues, planning, and implementing plans.

• Provide challenging and relevant roles for participation in the organization.

• Evaluate results and give positive reinforcement. Allow time to reflect on the work accomplished.

Overcoming Barriers to Youth Service

• Discuss organizational “mindset” so that adults and youth working together is a productive and enjoyable experience for both groups

• Advise adults about “dos and don’ts” on how to work with youth, and youth on how to work with adults

• Hold open discussion about stereotypes that adults and youth have of each other

• Lead exercises to practice “shared power”

• Train various age groups appropriately

• Provide clear definition of roles and responsibilities for both adults and youth

• Include youth in meaningful decision-making processes

• Be sensitive to logistics such as the availability of transportation, suitable scheduling, and snacks

Thank you