A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes

Presented by Judith Stilz Ogden, J.D., LL.M. MSTCollege of Business

http://faculty.clayton.edu/jogden judithogden@clayton.edu.

What kind of disputes are college students likely to experience?

What kind of disputes are students likely to experience?

RoommatesClubs and organizationsFriends and significant othersClassmatesProfessorsUniversity

departments Family

Is there something different about college disputes? What causes them?

Is there something different about college disputes? What causes them?

1. Competitive Environment2. Diversity3. Non-Academic 4. Academic Discourse

“Conflict is inevitable in higher education, where academic freedom is revered and free thinking is encouraged. It is vital that we understand the conflicts that occur in higher education, and that we learn to deal effectively with them. Lack of understanding of conflict leads to inability to cope with it.”

[Susan A. Holden]

Other causes

We like to be right.We feel threatened by differencesWe think our way is the best

12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES

Identify the root of the conflictAddress the conflict quickly and

effectivelyListen. Listen. Listen.Respect their perspective . Suspend

judgmentAvoid blameCriticize the issue or the behavior, not the

person.

12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES

Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never . . .

ParaphraseReframe (change the view of) the conflictUse "I" MessagesBe willing to be wrong. Take responsibility for

your actionsModel respectful behavior. Treat People in an

adult manner even if their behavior is childish.

A Typical Problem

Identify the root of the conflict

Its important to consider the impact of your conduct on others

Sometimes the issue is about something other than that which makes you angry

Ask clarifying and open-ended questions.

What is this dispute about? How would you make this determination?

Address the conflict quickly and effectively

Don’t ignore the problem. It won’t go away.

Prompt action demonstrates to the other side that you take the matter seriously.

Listen. Listen. Listen.

Important to understand the other side’s story

Good listening is helpful in and of itselfBuilds trust and rapportDeescalates/calmsCreates clarityListening is a precursor to problem-solvingFeels like a “gift”--everyone wants to be

heard

What might happen if Robin and Morgan actually listen to each other?

Respect their perspective. Suspend judgment

We see things differently.We have different information.It’s not just about us.

Avoid blame

Backward looking

During the argument Robin tells Morgan, “The problem is that you didn’t submit your part on time.”

Criticize the issue or the behavior, not the person.

Don’t dredge up ancient historyDon’t make this a personal attack

Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never . . .

Impedes communication.Polarizes.Focus is not on solving

the problem.

Robin and Morgan have always had trouble working together . Robin tells Morgan, “You always do this. You never do your share of the work.” Does this help? What if it is true?

Paraphrase

Restate the concerns of the other side◦Lets speaker know s/he has been heard and

understood◦Receiver makes sure s/he gets it right◦Gives the speaker an opportunity to assess the

message and to modify it

Morgan has to work to get through school, and help support his/her disabled mother. S/he is frequently called into work at the last minute. This is something Robin should understand, and to demonstrate that s/he does, Robin should paraphrase while listening to Morgan’s story.

Reframe (change the view of) the conflict

Redirecting, limiting, or shaping the perception of a message so that it is more constructive

Choosing a positive interpretation

Reframing position to interestReframing a problem to an

opportunityReframing a weakness as a strengthReframing a blame to a needReframing a past to a futureReframing an individual

problem to a shared problem

REFRAMING

Example of Reframing

“You are not telling the truth.”

Reframe: “I am confused by what you are saying because I am hearing one thing from you and another from the other party.”

How could this dispute be reframed?

Use "I" Messages

Send I messages instead of You.Do not make unnecessary accusatory

remarks that will only add more fuel to the fire.

Avoid using "you" while trying to express personal feelings.

For example: Instead of saying, “You don’t know what you are talking about,” say instead, ”I don't understand.”

What kind of “I” messages could Robin send?

Be willing to be wrong.

Take responsibility for your actions.People become annoyed if you cannot

own up to your actions.

Is there anything for which Robin could take responsibility?

Model respectful behavior.

Treat people in an adult manner even if their behavior is childish.

Don’t humiliate.Acknowledge their feelings.Keep your voice calm.Manage your own reactions.

What solutions would you recommend?

CAMPUS MEDIATION

Mediation is often referred to as being assisted negotiation.

It is a voluntary process in which parties attempt to resolve a dispute with the help of a neutral 3rd party called a mediator.

The mediator is not a judge and does not decide who is right.

MEDIATION TRAINING Tentative Schedule

September 6-all daySeptember 7-morningLocation TBD

Can contact me or Office of Community Standards, Phone: (678) 466-5444StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu if you are interested in attending.

PEER MEDIATION

The Office of Student Conduct has established apeer mediation program for students interested inhelping their peers overcome conflict.

The Student Peer Mediator is trained and certified to serve as a mediator at Clayton State University.

The Peer Mediator assists both parties in expressing their feelings and developing solutions in order to reach a mutual agreement.

PEER MEDIATION

If you are interested in serving the Clayton StateUniversity community as a Peer Mediator, contactthe Office of Student Conduct by phone or email.

Office of Community StandardsUniversity Center 250Phone: (678) 466-5444StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu

Peer Mediators are provided with a certificate oftraining and are para-professional members of theOffice of Student Conduct.

MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS

INTERNATIONAL ACADEMY of DISPUTE RESOLUTION

MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS

Brenau Regional Mock Mediation Tournament October 4 & 5, 2013

FIRST PLACE MEDIATOR

A TOP ADVOCACY TEAM

SECOND PLACE PEACEMAKER AWARD- Georgia State Tournament

Organizational Meeting for Mock Mediation Tournaments:

◦August 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm in UC 424