ENGLISH 028Week 3, Day 2

Editing an In-Class Essay

WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?

�In-Class Debate!

�Strong paragraphs

�2 chunk paragraphs

�Paragraph revision

IN-CLASS DEBATE

“Barney” by Will Stanton

1) Why is Tayloe fired? How does the protagonist rationalize it?

2) What really happened to Tayloe? Explain your reasoning.

3) Why did the spelling get so bad by the end of the story?

4) What is the theme of “Barney”?

IN-CLASS DEBATE

The sublime:A feeling where a piece

of writing or nature completely overwhelms

you.

The sublime:Generally natural things- our

brains are more powerful, but these things are

terrifying, displeasing, and scaryà creates a positive

sensation afterwards

The sublime:“Terror …[is] the ruling

priniciple of the sublime”. It is a violent, emotional

reaction."The passion caused by the great and sublime in nature . . . is Astonishment; and astonishment is that state of the soul, in which all its motions are suspended, with some degree of horror. In this case the mind is so entirely filled with its object, that it cannot entertain any other (Burke 58)”.

“Answer” by Frederic Brown

1) What is the theme of the story?2) This story was first written in 1964.

How do you think that affects it?3) To what extent does this story illustrate

the sublime?

STRONG PARAGRAPHS

�What do you know that you need in a paragraph?

�What things make paragraphs stronger?

�What is required for this essay?

THE RESULTS ARE IN…

Strong paragraphs:

� Have 1 core idea

� Have a topic sentence

� Develop enough

� Have logical bridges

� Include evidence

� Have analysis

THE 2 CHUNK PARAGRAPH

� What do you think it is?

� Read the sample paragraph

� Try to identify the different parts

What could it be?!

BREAK IT DOWN!

In George Orwell’s Animal Farm, Boxer represents the working class of Russia. First, Boxer works harder than all of the other animals, as Orwell writes, “From morning to night he was pushing and pulling, always at the spot where work was hardest” (40). Boxer believes in Animalism and is motivated to work harder for this cause than even for Farmer Jones. Also, Boxer’s character reveals that Orwell believed the common workers of Russia were also working harder than ever for little reward. Secondly, Boxer is easily brainwashed by Napoleon and his propaganda, insisting “If Comrade Napoleon says it, it must be right” (Orwell 91). Because Boxer is less intelligent than other animals, Napoleon easily brainwashes Boxer into submission even when Napoleon commits terrible injustices. Consequently, Orwell suggests that the lower class Russian workers were also easily manipulated by Joseph Stalin. In conclusion, Boxer’s character, through his relentless work and gullibility, paints a picture of the much abused, hardworking, and honest Russian working class.

BREAK IT DOWN!

In George Orwell’s Animal Farm, Boxer represents the working class of Russia. First, Boxer works harder than all of the other animals, as Orwell writes, “From morning to night he was pushing and pulling, always at the spot where work was hardest” (40). Boxer believes in Animalism and is motivated to work harder for this cause than even for Farmer Jones. Also, Boxer’s character reveals that Orwell believed the common workers of Russia were also working harder than ever for little reward. Secondly, Boxer is easily brainwashed by Napoleon and his propaganda, insisting “If Comrade Napoleon says it, it must be right” (Orwell 91). Because Boxer is less intelligent than other animals, Napoleon easily brainwashes Boxer into submission even when Napoleon commits terrible injustices. Consequently, Orwell suggests that the lower class Russian workers were also easily manipulated by Joseph Stalin. In conclusion, Boxer’s character, through his relentless work and gullibility, paints a picture of the much abused, hardworking, and honest Russian working class.

2 CHUNK PARAGRAPHSQ: What is a 2 chunk paragraph?

A: A 2 chunk paragraph is a formula for strong paragraphs. The formula is:

topic sentence that introduces the idea or theme of the paragraph.

concrete detail (quote, fact, statistic, or story)

Q: What is a chunk?A: A chunk is 1 concrete detail and 2 sentences of commentary. The detail can be a fact or quote. The commentary explains why the detail is important and how it ties in to your essay’s overall idea.

commentary sentences

concrete detail (quote, fact, statistic, or story)

commentary sentences

concluding sentence that wraps up the ideas discussed in the paragraph and transitions to the next paragraph.

BLACK “BART” BARTHOLOMEW

�Check out this example paragraph

�What do you notice about it?

EDIT EACH OTHERS’ PARAGRAPHS

Look out for:

�Introductory sentences

�Evidence

�Analysis

�Transitions

�Concluding sentences

HOMEWORK

� Edit Essay #1à Due on Monday� 1 blank rubric (available on

website)

� Original, handwritten in-class essay (with my mark)

� Revised, typed, final in-class essay submission