16 - emanuel dimas de melo pimenta · emanuel dimas de melo pimenta 2 0 1 0 482 16 in 1994, i...

KOELLREUTTER - the music revolutions of a Zen masteremanuel dimas de melo pimenta2 0 1 0

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In1994,IcalledonthefirstofSeptember,Thursday,a daybeforehis seventy-ninebirthday, to invitehim for alunch.Iaskedifhewouldbefreeinthenextday.Hetoldmeso.IwasinBrazilforafewdays.WescheduleatimeandinthenextdaysIwenttopickuphim.

Wewent to lunch, as we did at that epoch, at theJapaneserestaurantintheCaesarParkHotel,intheAugustastreet.


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HedidnotknowthatIhadrememberedhisbirthday,orpretendednottoknow. Ineverforgothisbirthdays. If Iwasnotinthecity,Ialwayscalledhim,fromwhereIcouldbe.

Butthatdaywasspecial.Hecompletedseventy-nineyearsoflife.

I offeredhimanother plush puppet and a book.Hewasverytouched.

− You’re the first person to greet me on thisanniversary.-hesaidwithsomeemotioninhisvoice,whichwasnotcommoninhisbehavior.

Hewasseventy-nineyearsoldandwasalone.But itwasnotsomethingunusual–hewasalwaysalone.

− Ihaveagreatnecessityforsilenceandtobealone.Theyareessentialconditionsofmylife.Ineedtimeto


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study,tothink–hesaid.

Idecidedtoorganizeadinnerforhim,fewdayslater,invitingsomeimportantartists.Ofcourse,Iassuredthatnoonewouldknowthatitwasabouthisbirthday.Hewouldbesoembarrassedifpeopleknewabouthisbirthday,thathesurelywouldrefusetogo.But,goingdiscreetly,asifitwasasimplemeetingamongfriends,thatwouldbearealgiftforhim.

Buttherewasaseriousproblem.InolongerlivedinBrazilalreadyabouttenyearsanditwasverydifficulttofindaplacewherewecouldholdthatmeeting.

Noonewaswillingtohelp.UntilsuddenlyaladyIknewsincemanyyears,typicallybourgeoiswithahomedecoratedinaverypretentiousandverykitschway,fullofdecorative canvasesonthewalls,nottomentionthebooksandbottlesofwhiskeytodecoratetheenvironment,verykindlyoffered


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ustohavethemeetingthere.Thatwastheappearanceoftheplace.

Atfirst,Ivacillated.Buttheladywasveryfriendlyandfairlygenerous.Thatwasherworld.Whocouldbeustojudgethepersonalworldwherepeoplelive?Whyarepeoplealwaysfightingamongthemselvesandfullofpreconceptions?Afterall,wouldn’tbe the realworldouressential veryfirst rawmaterial?Don’tweworkforthepeople?Wedon’tmakeourworkforartists,butfortheworld,forthepeople,notmatterwhotheyare!

To Koellreutter – who fought all live againstpreconceptionsofanynature–thathousewouldrepresentnoproblem.

IrememberthatamongtheartiststherewereCláudioTozzi,whowas a great friend ofmine,MaurícioNogueiraLima, who for years was a brother to me, unfortunately


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disappearedsometime later,alongwithmanyothergoodfriends.

Koellreutter dressed a fabulous red Indian jacketembroideredwith colorfigures.Hewas visiblyhappy thateveniing.Therewerealmosteightyyearsofage.

KoellreutterandEmanuelPimenta,SãoPaulo,1999


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But the kitsch appearance of the house stronglyaffectedatleastoneoftheartists,afriendofClaudio,whowasnotable tobestay fora longtime.He toleratedonlyabouthalfhourandleftindespair.

When,morethanmidnight,IbroughtKoellreuttertohis house, he toldmehowmuchhehad enjoyed tohavemetsomeoldfriends,andtohavetalkedsoanimatedlywiththosepeople.

− YouknowEmanuel...Overtime,webecomemoreandmore isolated. It is the life,my friend... it is thelife...NowrarelyIgoout.Ihavenoonetotalk,noonewithwhomIcanexchangeideas...Tospeakinterestingthings. Next year I will be eighty years old... timepassedtofast!

Atthattime,hewasworkingtofinalizetheoperaCafé,whichhadlibrettowrittenbythelegendarywriterMariode


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Andrade. Itwasaworkthatconsumeda longtime.MariodeAndradefinishedthelibrettoin1942,KoellreutterbeganwritingthemusicwhenhelivedinTokyobetween1974and1975.Hewouldfinishitonly in1996.Twenty-twoyearsofelaboration!

Throughouttheyearof1996,wetalkedmanytimesaboutthatopera.Itwasaremarkablylivelyperiodforhim.Koellreutterseemedtobeveryhappy,alwaysincontactwithmanypeople.

Heseemednotage.Heseemedsimplytohavestoppedin time. He was becoming more vegetarian and, at leastwhen hewas withme, he never exaggerated in alcoholicbeverages.

In early1998, I composed the concertoDifesa della Natura, for a film about JosephBeuys, directedbyMarcoAgostinelliandproducedbyLucreziaDeDomizio,Baroness


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Durini,inItaly.ThisconcertwasdedicatedtoKoellreutter.

Ihaddedicatedanotherconcerttohimfifteenyearsearlier,in1983.Then,itwasanelectroacousticconcertalsousingdigitalsystems,synthesizers,magnetictapes,metallicpieces, small ensemble of metals, dwarfs, speakers anda computer controlled by heartbeats. Theworld premierehappenedatthetheaterSESCPompéia,inSãoPaulo.

EmanuelPimenta,scoreoftheconcert

dedicatedtoKoellreutter1983


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In that sameyearof 1998, a compact discwith theconcertDifesa della NaturawaspublishedinEngland,andIimmediatelysentittoKoellreutter.Oncereceived,hecalledme,sayingthathewasverytouched.

SomecommonfriendswroteortelephonedmetellingabouthowmuchKoellreutterhadenjoyedthatmusic.

EmanuelPimentaconcertDifesa della Natura(1998),

dedicatedtoKoellreutter,performanceattheSwissmountains,

2004


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It was a strange feeling to me, because during allthose years he had always remained extremely distant ofjudgmentsaboutmyworks.

EvenwhenIstudiedwithhim,speciallyatclassesofcomposition,heneverstated thatadeterminedworkwasgoodorbad.Themosthewasablewas toaskhow IhadconsideredwhatIhaddone.

− Myfriend,weallknowwhatishappening.Weaskthenextbecausewearenotabletolistentoourselves.Andsometimeswecannotlistenbecausewetalktoomuch.So,itisyouwhomustansweraboutwhatyoudo.Youmustlearntoknowhowtoanswertoyourself.- hehad said thismany years before, in oneof ourclasses.

Now,hesaid–evenifneverdirectlytome–thathelikedmyworks.Andthatsoundedlikeaninterestingsurprise,assomethingunexpected.


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AfewweeksafterIhavesenthimDifesa della Natura,I visited thecityofSãoPaulo. I foundhimveryexcited, inexcellentshape.

Althoughhehadneverspokeabouthis feelingsandhad avoided judgments of value, when I entered in hisapartmentIrealizedthattwoofthecompactdiscsIhadsentwiththemusicdedicatedtohim,wereintentionallyplacedonthepianoandanotheronthetableattheKremlin–thesmallroomfullofcolorfulplushpuppets–asiftheywereinanexhibition.

Itwasatimidwayofsayinghowmuchhehadenjoyedthathomage.

Whilewewereathisapartment,hedidnotsayasinglewordaboutthecompositionoraboutthecompactdisc–andIdidnotask.


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Onlylater,whenwehadlunch,hesaid,veryshortly,thatheenjoyedthecompositionandthankedagainforthededication.

Thatwas a year full of news for Koellreutter. Threeyearsearlierhehadcelebratedeightyyearsofage.InafewmonthsFunarte,theBrazilianNational Foundation of Arts,would launch incompactdiscformatadiskthathadbeenreleased in 1985,withworks dedicated to him by severalcomposers.

The compact disc included a piece by Koellreutter,ItwasConstellations, composed between 1982 and 1983,when Istudiedwithhim. Itwasaconcert forvoice,sevensolo instruments and magnetic tape. His compositionwasbasedonaworkbytheconcreteGermanpoetEugenGomringer, born in 1925, an admiror of the pioneer andcelebrated Brazilian group of concrete poetryNoigrandes.


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Hispoemsaid:Your time my poem / Your time my silence / Your time my dream.Gomringer’sConstellations is aworkwithatransnationalandtransculturaldesign,mergingwordsfrommanydifferentlanguagesaroundtheworld-asalwaysKoellreutterbelieved.

I attended at the world premiere of Constellationsin 1985. It was a concert that had Koellreutter as regent.It caused all kinds of discussions in public. It was a truepolemic.

ThecompactdiscalsohadworksbyWillyCorrêadeOliveira,JorgePeixinho,CláudioSantoro,RicardoTacuchian,Rodolfo Coelho de Souza and Gilberto Mendes with theconcertMy Friend Koellreutter.ThesoundengineeringwasuptothecomposerConradoSilva.

IreturnedtoEurope.


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Fewmonths later, still in 1998, I went back to SãoPaulo.Asalways,wearrangedtohavelunchtogether–andagainattheJapaneserestaurantofthehotelCaesarPark,atAugustastreet,inSãoPaulo.

But this time he asked me not pick up him at hisapartment. We would go independently and meet in therestaurant.

− TomorrowI’llhaveaveryimportantmeetinginthemorning.ButIbelievethatitwillnottakealongtime.Itissomethingveryserious.Iwilltellyouatlunch.Ihopeeverythingwillgowell.Please,thinkpositivelyforme.

I asked about what was of so serious, if I could beusefulinsomeway.

− Tomorrowwewill talk. There is nothing you cando.-itwastheonlythinghesaid.


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Iwasunquiet.Hisvoicewasserious.Whatcouldbesoserious?Wouldbesomenewinvitationforanimportantwork? Some unexpected new challenge? Despite his age,everythingwaspossiblewithhim.Isuggestedonceagaintopickuphim,notmatterwhere.Hedidnotaccept.Iinsistedagain.Andagainherefused.

− We will talk tomorrow. - and he ended theconversation.

In the next day I arrived at the restaurant fifteenminutesbeforethescheduledtime,asIalwaysdidwhenweagreedaplacetomeet.Forthefirsttime,hewaslate.Iwasalittleworried.Abouttwentyminuteslatehefinallyappeared.Hewasfirmand resoluteasever,butwitha serious look,veryworried.

Iasked,verygently,ifthemeetinghadgonewell.Heturnedthefacetothewindow,withalostsight,andmovedthehead.


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− Laterwewilltalkaboutthis...-andI,ofcourse,Idecidedtonotinsist.

HewasvisiblydepressedandIstartedanimatinghimwithavarietyofissues.

WetalkedaboutBrazilianpolitics,onplanetarymacro-economic questions, on philosophy, scientific discoveries,technological revolutions. We lunched and, gradually, hislivelyandalertmoodwasgoingbacktonormal.

ButIcouldclearlyseethatsomethingveryseriouswastroublinghim.

Attheendofthelunch,helookedatmewithaveryseriousexpressionandrevealedwhatwashappening.

− Emanuel, I have a secret to tell you. But it isextremely confidential. Nobody knows and for nownobody should know. You have to keep secret. It’s


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about the meeting I had this morning. - he spokeheavilyandwithlongpausesasifhewasmeasuringhisownwords–I’mjustreturningfromthedoctor...fewminutes ago. I came directly to the restaurant.BecauseofthisIwaslate.You’rethefirstpersonthatwillknowandIdon’tknowyettohowmanymoreIwilltell.IdidsometestsandthedoctorfoundthatIhaveAlzheimer.

HiswordswerelikealargemeteorfallingonEarth.

Everythingchanged,allreality,immediately.SuddenlyI was pale. He had tears in his eyes. But still tacit andphlegmaticasever.

Iaskedifhewasabsolutelysureaboutthediagnosis.His appearance was completely normal. During the lunchwehadtalkedonthemostdiverseandcomplexthemes.Innomomenthehadanyleakofmemory.Infact,Ihadmore


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trouble rememberingnames thanhe. I askedhowhehaddiscoveredsomethingsoserious.

− All exams clearly indicates that. Unfortunately,there is nomargin for doubt. Suddenly I started toforgetthings.Itstartedrelativelyquickly.SometimesIleftmyhomeanddidnotrememberwhereIwas,whatIwasdoing thereorwhy Ihadgone toaparticularlocation.Theseoblivionmomentsbegantobemorefrequent and began happening also with smallerthings. I decided to go to a doctor, my friend. Wemadeallexaminations. I’mcoming fromtherenow.Yes...mydearfriend...suchislife...Ineverexpectedforsomethinglikethis...But,howcanweexpectsuchakindofthings?Weneverthinkthatitcanhappentous.

Iaskediftherewasanywayout.Whatcouldbedone?Iftherewasanysolution.Helaughedanddiscreetlysighed.

− Wayout?No...Thereisnowayout.ItiswhatIwill


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haveahead.And isnotgood...notgood... itwillbeverydifficult.Verydifficulttimesahead.Averydifficultend,verysad...

Suddenlyhewasparalyzedandstoodwithloststaringforlongseconds,asiftheworldhadstoppedatthatexactmoment.

Everythingbecamesilence.

Icouldnotsayasingleword,mysoulwasstrangled.Heturnedtomeandsaidasfirmlyasever:

− Yes...myfriend...soitislife.ThereisnothingIcando.It’sterrible.

Weremainedstillforseveralminutesintherestaurant,untileveryonehadgone.Wetalkedatlengthaboutlifeanddeath, about the metamorphoses of life, about dharma,karma,aboutscienceandreligion.


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Fromthere,wewenttohisapartment.ButIdidnotenter. Istoppedthecar illegally infrontofthedoorofthebuilding. Iwentouttosaygoodbyeandhehuggedmeforlongseconds.

Thenewsaboutthediseasehadbeendevastating.

Inthefollowingmonths,wecontinuedtalkingonthephone.IdidnotimmediatelyreturntoBrazil.

Inthoseseveraltelephonecallsheseemedtobeverywell,thesameasalways.Thoseconversationsbecamemoreandmorelonger,asifwelooked,somehow,tocompensatetheinevitablephysicaldistance.

Weavoidedtalkingabout thedisease. I just insistedthatheshouldverifywithhisdoctoraboutthebenefitsofgincko bilobaandalsoofphosphatidylserine,whichthenhe


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didnotknowyet.

Theweekspassedandheseemedmesowell that Iarrivedtoimaginethatsomerevolutioninmedicineinthetreatmentofthediseasehadhappened.

Westartedtoputintopracticetheplansforourjointcomposition.Thereweresomedifficultiesinthebeginning.Hefounddifficulttodoa jobtogetherbeingsofaraway. Isuggestedthatweshouldmaketwoseparatecompositionstobejoinedlater–asIalwaysworked,inspiredbyAntoninArtaud, but, of course, also by John Cage and MerceCunningham.Hechallengedmetofindanothersolution.Weimaginedtomakethecompositioninfragments,sendingitbyfaxorpostservices,eachonefillingwithanewelementat each step. But the human contact, the discussion, thebrainstormingwassomethingfundamentalforhim.

InthisepochhewasguestprofessorattheAdvanced


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StudiesInstituteoftheUniversityofSãoPaulo.

InOctober1999IwascookinginmyhouseinLisbon,waiting for some friends. They promised to bring a veryspecialfriendwhohadarrivedinthatsameday,comingfromBrazil.

Surprisingly, the architect and urban planner JorgeWilhelmentered inthekitchenofourhome! Ihadknownhimmanyyearsbefore,inearly1980,whenIwasastudentof architecture.Ourmeeting had been atEmplasa,whichwasacompanydedicatedtodevelopthefirstmasterplanforthecityofSãoPaulo–withwhichJorgecollaborated.

It was a great surprise to meet him almost twentyyearslater,inLisbon,inmykitchen!

JorgeWilhelmhadbeenastudentofKoellreutterattheFree School of Music,createdin1952.


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We talked at length about the political situation inBrazil,abouttheproblemsofurbanviolence,thewidespreadcorruption,oneducation.

Then he commented to have met Koellreutter bychance,daysbefore,walkingatSãoLuizavenue,inSãoPaulo.TheytalkedaboutMozart’sDon Giovanni.Jorgesaidthathefoundhimveryaged,butthathewaswithagoodmemory.

Ofcourse,IdidnottellhimabouttheAlzheimer.But,IwasrelievedtoknowthatJorgeWilhelm’simpressionsweresopositive.Koellreutterwaseighty-fiveyearsold,anditwasnaturalthatheappearedtobeold.

InNovemberofthatyear,IvisitedSãoPauloandIhadlunchwithKoellreutter,asourtraditionwas.

He seemed to be fine. Áurea – who worked at his


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homeinSãoPauloformanyyears–wasalwayspresent.

During our lunch he did not show any problem ofmemory.

− Yes... my friend... I’m feeling very well. In fact, Ialwaysfeltverywell.WhenIhadthose“oblivions”,Iwasnotawareofthem,ofcourse.Thus,evenwhenIhadmemoryproblems, I feltgood.ButnowIhaveto take medication for life and I cannot do certainthings. All my food has changed. Alcoholic drinksarecompletelyprohibitedforme.Manythingshavechanged in my life... many things... I had a smallcerebral ischemia.Thedoctor toldmethatnowthedecadencewillbegin.Hetoldmethatitisinevitable.I’mlivingmylastmomentsofnormalcy.I’llhavetoughtimesahead...andtheyareclose.Thebestistoforget,bynow,ourplansforamusicalcompositiontogether.Fromnowon,everythingwillbeverydifficultforme.


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OfcourseIagreed. Iknewthat ifthedeclinebegan,ourjointcompositionwouldneverexist.

I noticed that since then, about 1999, his publicstatementsandinterviewsbegantochangerapidly,becomingmore spirited. Not only, they have become much morefrequent andhebegan to speakmore intensely abouthispersonallife–somethingverydifferentfromwhathewas.

Itwasasif,suddenly,hehadbecomemoreexpansiveandcontradictorywithmuchofwhathadalwayscharacterizedhimandwhathehadalwaysdefendedthroughoutlife.

His statements and interviews became colorfulwith imagesthatarrived,atacertainpoint,tobechildish,sometimesdenyinghistoricalfacts,sometimesexaggeratingfamilyscenes,includingtactileelementslikejerksorkicks.

Itwasasifhispersonalitybeforedirect,philosophically


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precise, challenging, radical, impassive and apparentlynon emotional, had given place to the figure of an oldplayfulman, fullof inaccuracies,contradictions, superficialinphilosophical terms,with softbehavior,using slangandpopularfiguresofexpression.

Insomemomentshestartedshowingevenanationalistfeeling inrelationtoBrazil–somethingtotallyoppositetowhathehadexpressedalonghisentirelife.

− Allcountries,allcultures,allreligionsandallsacredbooks are interesting and have important values,lessonswecanlearn.Religions,asinstitutions,aswellasStates,onlydividepeople.Whenyougotoadifferentcountry, try to observe what more characterizes it.InBrazil,theyarethetelevisionseries.IntheUnitedStatestheyarethemovies.Eachcountryhasitstypicalformofintercommunication.Ifyouobserveatthesemediaasifyouwereanextraterrestrial,youwouldbeabletobetterunderstandthevaluesofthatsociety.


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Weshould,allus,becitizensoftheworld,freefrominter-socialorinter-culturalconflicts.Thereisnoplacefornationalismorpreconception. - Koellreutterhadtoldmethatabouttwentyyearsbefore.

Now, after the late 1990s, people with whom hechatted and even some experienced interviewers seemednot to notice his new boundaries between fantasy andreality–evenbecauseuntilthenherarelygaveinterviews,especiallywhentheytargetathispersonalhistory.

InJanuary2000IcalledhiminSãoPaulo,fromLisbon,whereIwasliving.Heseemedtobewell.Butitwasaveryshorttalk.

I had spent several days in December and January,attheSeychellesislands,writingthebookJohn Cage – The Silence of Music,andafterabriefpassage inLisbon, Iwasconstantly traveling between Italy and Switzerland for


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concertsandexhibitions.

That large quantity of trips made me not talk toKoellreutteruntilthemonthofAprilof2000,whenIwentbacktoSãoPaulo.

Icalledhimtoschedulealunch,asusual.Butheseemedlost, very vacillating. In themiddle of our conversationbyphone,he forgotwho Iwas.Heaskedwithwhomhewastalking.ThenheknewagainwhoIwas, like ifawavehadrescued his memory. It made me very sad. Even so, wearrangedourlunchfortwodayslater,onaThursday.

I knew that Jorge Wilhelm would love to be withKoellreutteragain.IcalledJorgeandwearrangedlunchforalltogether.

Dulce Cabrita, dear friend, great Portuguese mezzosoprano, who worked very closely with the composer


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FernandoLopesGraçathroughouttheentirelife,wasalsoinSãoPaulo.Joanna,Jorge’swife,verygentlyinsistedthatwewereallinvitedforlunchattheirhome.

Confidentially,ItoldJorgethatKoellreuttersufferedofAlzheimer.Itwasmydutytotellhim.Hewasveryattentiveand insisted that we should keep everything as we hadplanned.

On Thursday, twentieth of April, I went to pick upKoellreutterathisapartment,asI’ddonealongmanyyears.As always, I rang the bell and took a few steps back. Butnow,forthefirsttime,thedoorwasquicklyopenandwhoappearedwasnothe.Áureawaswhoopenedthedoor.

Whenthedooropened,Icouldseehimintheothersideoftheroomfixedstaringoutthewindow,seatedatthetable,whereformanyyearsI’dstudiedwithhim. Hiseyeswerelost.Heworeaturquoiseblueshirt,and


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akindofsmockmadeofsilk.Herose,walkedtowardme,grabbedmyshouldersandlookedatmelongandintently.

Itwasa shaky look.His lipswereno longer straightandrigidasbefore.Theyweresofter,moreflaccid.

− It’ssogoodtoseeyou...itisgoodtoseeyou.-herepeated-Howlongwedonotseeeachother?Twoyears?Twoyearsalreadypassed?!

Iwasdeeplyembarrassed,notknowingwhattosay.«Yes, two years!» - Áurea summarized, as to put an endtothematter.Maternally,sheseemedtobeveryattentiveabouthim.Sheverifiedifhewaswelldressed,ifhehadnotforgottenanything,ifhisclotheswereneat.

KoellreuttershowedavacillatingsmileandIcouldseethathehadalready lost someteeth.Hestaggereda little.Áureawaseuphoric– she toldhewasclosedathome forweeks.Virtuallynoonecalledhim.


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However,hisgeneralappearancewasverygood.Andsoon,hismemoryseemedtoreturnandhewasthesameKoellreutterofever.

− Howyourwifeandyourdaughterare?Youshouldcome here more often! - he spoke with the firmdeterminationsocharacteristicbefore.

Wewentdownby theelevatorand I couldsee thatoneofhiseyesweredull,asifitwasslightlystainedofwhite.Mylookdidnotpassunnoticedtohim.Heexplainedmethathehadcataractsinbotheyesandthathehadalreadybeenoperatedononeofthem.

That quick response, the presence of mind and hisability to understandwhat Iwas thinking, easedmy fearsthathewouldhavebeendefinitivelyanddeeplyisolatedbythedisease.

I had left the car in a parking lot near there, a few


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streets away. Luciana preferred to stay closed inside thecar, fearing assaults,whichweremanyand violent in thatregion.

On the way to the parking lot, Koellreutter walkednormally, with relatively safe steps, like in other times.Before,heranahead–anditwasdifficulttofollowhissteps,whichwerefullofenergy.Now,weweresidebyside,Ialwayspayingalotofattentiontoallhismovements.

When we reached the parking, Luciana – alwayswonderful–leftthecarandIrealizedthatKoellreutterwasverytouched.Theyhadnotmeteachotherinaboutfifteenyears!Itwasliketomeetagainalovedfriend,someoneofthefamily.

OnthewaytoJorgeandJoannaWilhelm’shome,hesaidveryexcitedthatoneofhissonswaslivinginEngland.MargaritawouldhavedefinitelymovedtoTiradentes,Minas


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Gerais,wheretheyhadcreatedafoundation.Ashewastellinghisnewshealsoasked,fromtimetotimeandrepetitively,howlongwehavelivedoutsideBrazil.

- Howlongagoyouweremystudent?- Abouttwentyyearsago.-Ianswered.- Itisnotpossible!Itseemslikeyesterday!- It’strue...-Iansweredsmiling.Infact,alsotomeit

seemedtohavebeenyesterday.- Where are we going now? - his question was

baffling...- We are going to lunch with Jorge Wilhelm. Do

yourememberhim?-Iasked.Thedaybeforewehadtalkedaboutthat lunchandJorgeforseveralminutes.

- Yes,ofcourse.Hewasmystudent.- His wife, Joanna, is a brilliant psychoanalyst. - I

added.- So she is verydangerous! - he jokedopeninghis

eyesandlaughingheartily.


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We stopped at a traffic light for long moments.Alongsideitwasasmallimprovisedstandofastreetvendor,surroundedbycolorfultoys,andplasticballoons.

Koellreutteradmiredamazed,almosthypnotized,thatexuberanceofcolorsandshapesthatpassedunnoticedtopeoplewalkingonthesidewalk.

Unexpectedly,averydirtywoman,withmattedhair,handsblackofgreaseandgray,scarsonthearmsandface,wearingoldandtornclothes,almosttoothless,approachedby pasting his face to the glass of the car, right next toKoellreutter,askingformoney.Thewindowwasclosed.Helookedsurprisedatherasifhewasachild,naivelysmiling.Thewomanmadeall kindsof gesturesandhe foundveryfunnyandinnocentthatdramaticscene.

JorgeWilheimwaswaiting at the gateof his home.


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ThemeetingwasclearlyanemotionforKoellreutter.Jorgehadbeenhisstudentaboutfortyyearsbefore.

Dulce Cabrita had already arrived. Initially all us satinthelivingroomandtalkedaboutamenitiesonBrazilandPortugal.

I looked at Koellreutter and, in some moments, itseemedmethathewasnotunderstandingwhatweweretalking.Butsuddenly,heseemedtotuneinandmadeajoke,withsomeverykeenandwittyobservation.

Joannacarefullywatchedhim.

Howmuchhehadchangedinsofewweeks!

However impressiveand tragic, itwas fascinating toseehowhis shutdown from theworldwasnot linear andgradual.Ithappenedinleaps.Hewasturned offandcame


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back. When he returned, it was not by half. When wasreconnected to theworld,hewasableof insights,of verycleverandcomplexinterventions.

Thoughwecouldseethose‘disappearances’,everyonetreatedhimwithgreatwarmth,affectionandattention-asifnothingofstrangewashappening.

Koellreutterwas immenselyhappy.Andwewerealldeeplymovedbyhisvisiblehappiness.

KoellreutterandJorgeWilheim,SãoPaulo,2000


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Thelunchwassimplywonderful.Joannahadpreparedaveritablebabette’s feast.Westartedwithafinesouffleofhaddockandfigs.Followedbybittersweetbeets,caramelizedonions,maniocflourwithwalnuts,wildriceandmeat–thatsurely was delicious, but as a vegetarian, I did not havetried.

Not only a brilliant psychoanalyst, Joanna also is agreatartistofthecuisine.

Withoutwe had planned or said awithout a singleword,wefeltintheairthefeelingthatsuchformidablelunchwasafarewellmeeting,thecelebrationofalifetime. Inhismomentsof lucidity,Koellreutterwasbrilliant,asalways.Inthemomentshewasturned off,itwasasifhewasalone,inanotherworld,inanisland.

Thelunchwentoverwonderfully,inpeaceandjoy.


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Onleaving,Jorgeaskedhimafewquestionsaboutthepast. Inoticedthatthistime,thattheoblivionwaspartial.Koellreutter was able to remember some things but notothers.Thus,thefluctuationwasnotlinearinallsenses.

Itwasalsointerestingtoobservethatatagiventime,Koellreutter himself practically justified his absences ofmemoryasifhewasfullyawareofthemandastheywereanaturalprocess.

− Iamnotable.I’msorry.Itisasithappens.SometimesIlosemymemory.SometimesI’mnothere.ButthenIcomeback...-hesaidjoking,withgreatsympathy.− Iunderstand...Iunderstand.-saidJorge.

That dialoguewas very unexpected forme. Despitehis“oblivions”therewasaninteractionandaframeworkformutualidentity.

Finally,therewerethefarewellsandenteredintothe


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car–Luciana,Koellreutterand I–becausewewould takehimbackhome.Intheway,hewasaskingmerepeatedlyifIreallyknewwherehelived.

− Canyoudomeafavor?-heasked.− Ofcourse!− Could give a big hug to Augusto de Campos forme?− Ofcourse,withpleasure.− Do you know where I live? Because recently Imoved.NowIliveatSãoLuizAvenue...

HehadmovedtotheapartmentatSãoLuizAvenueaboutthirtyyearsbefore!

− Didyoumakeyourhomework?− But!Iamnolongeryourstudent...− Youarenot?!

AndIhadtoexplainhim,calmlyandcarefully,thattimehadpassed,thathedidnotremember,butthateverything


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wasokay...Atsuchmoments,heseemedtobeveryinsecureandlost.

Hefloatedbetweenconsciousness,unconsciousnessandmomentsinthepast.

HansJoachimKoellreutter-photobyEmanuelDimasdeMeloPimentainSão

Paulo,2000


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Wecouldnotparkthecarinfrontoftheentranceofthebuildingwherehelived. Itwasnotallowed. Istopped,again illegally. Iwentout tosaygoodbye.Wehugged.ButwhenItoldhimIwouldnotleavehimuntilhecameinandIsawitbeingaccompaniedbythedoorman,Koellreutterwasagainlost.Atthatverymoment,henolongerknewwherehe lived,whichwasthebuildingwherehisapartmentwas-eventhoughitwasexactlyinfrontofhim.

Withallcare,asifitwassomethingnatural,Ipickeduphimbyhisarmandtookhimtothebuilding.Iaskedtothedoormantoaccompanyhimtotheapartment.

Suddenly,hewasplungedintoanemptiness–whichdid not happen at any moment before during our longlunch.

LaterIcalledÁureaaskingabouthowhewas.Iknewthateverythinghadgonewellandthathewascalmandvery


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happy.

Theywereveryimpressivemoments.Iwasverysad.Deeplysad.

ThefollowingSaturdayIreceivedacallfromSauloDiTarso–whoIhadnevermetbefore.HewasconcernedaboutKoellreutter’shealth.

16 - emanuel dimas de melo pimenta · emanuel dimas de melo pimenta 2 0 1 0 482 16 in 1994, i...

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