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The Personal The Personal Statement:Statement: Strategies for Strategies for

Supporting StudentsSupporting Students

UC Counselor Conference 2005UC Counselor Conference 2005

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OverviewOverview

• Purpose of statement in UC admissionsPurpose of statement in UC admissions

• Necessary information and skills Necessary information and skills for a strong personal statementfor a strong personal statement

• Understanding the taskUnderstanding the task

• Preparing students to writePreparing students to write

• Providing useful feedbackProviding useful feedback

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Purpose of the Purpose of the Personal StatementPersonal Statement

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Purpose of the Personal Purpose of the Personal StatementStatement

• Part of UC’s comprehensive review Part of UC’s comprehensive review processprocess

• Opportunity to provide information that Opportunity to provide information that supports and augments the review supports and augments the review processprocess

• Enables applicant to make the Enables applicant to make the best case best case possiblepossible for admission for admission

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• Adds clarity, depth and meaning to Adds clarity, depth and meaning to information collected in other parts of the information collected in other parts of the UC applicationUC application

• Completes the application for admissionCompletes the application for admission

• An admission decision will never be based An admission decision will never be based on the content of a personal statement on the content of a personal statement alonealone

Purpose of the Personal Purpose of the Personal StatementStatement

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A Message from UC FacultyA Message from UC Faculty

• While it is acceptable to receive feedback While it is acceptable to receive feedback or helpful suggestions, applicants’ or helpful suggestions, applicants’ personal statements should reflect their personal statements should reflect their own ideas and be written by them aloneown ideas and be written by them alone

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Understanding the Understanding the TaskTask

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The InstructionsThe Instructions

• Three rationale statements and questions Three rationale statements and questions (prompts)(prompts)• Academic achievementAcademic achievement• Potential to contributePotential to contribute• Open-ended Open-ended

• Word limitsWord limits• Two 200-word responsesTwo 200-word responses• One 600-word extended responseOne 600-word extended response

• Choice of extended responseChoice of extended response

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The PromptsThe Prompts

• Rationale statement: provides context Rationale statement: provides context for the responsefor the response

• Question: provides direction of the Question: provides direction of the responseresponse

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Focus on Academic Achievement Focus on Academic Achievement (#1)(#1)

Rationale: Rationale:

• The University seeks to enroll students who The University seeks to enroll students who take initiative in pursuing their education (for take initiative in pursuing their education (for example, developing a special interest in example, developing a special interest in science, language or the performing arts, or science, language or the performing arts, or becoming involved in special programs such becoming involved in special programs such as EAOP, MESA, Puente, or COSMOS). This as EAOP, MESA, Puente, or COSMOS). This question seeks to understand a student’s question seeks to understand a student’s motivation and dedication to learning.motivation and dedication to learning.

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Question:Question:

• [Freshman Applicants][Freshman Applicants] How have you taken How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college?had to prepare for college?

• [Transfer Applicants][Transfer Applicants] What is your intended major? What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the field developed and Discuss how your interest in the field developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement.your involvement.

Focus on Academic Achievement Focus on Academic Achievement (#1)(#1)

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Potential to Contribute (#2)Potential to Contribute (#2)

Rationale: Rationale:

• The University welcomes the contributions The University welcomes the contributions each student brings to the campus learning each student brings to the campus learning community. This question seeks to determine community. This question seeks to determine an applicant’s academic or creative interests an applicant’s academic or creative interests and potential to contribute to the vitality of the and potential to contribute to the vitality of the University.University.

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Potential to Contribute (#2)Potential to Contribute (#2)

Question:Question:

• Tell us about a talent, experience, Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of will bring to the University of CaliforniaCalifornia..

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Open-Ended (#3)Open-Ended (#3)

Rationale: Rationale:

• This question seeks to give students the This question seeks to give students the opportunity to share important aspects of their opportunity to share important aspects of their schooling or their lives — such as their schooling or their lives — such as their personal circumstances, family experiences personal circumstances, family experiences and opportunities that were or were not and opportunities that were or were not available at their school or college — which available at their school or college — which may not have been sufficiently addressed may not have been sufficiently addressed elsewhere in the application.elsewhere in the application.

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Open-Ended (#3)Open-Ended (#3)

Question:Question:

• Is there anything you would like us to Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic know about you or your academic record that you have not had the record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application?this application?

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Preparing Students to Preparing Students to WriteWrite

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Necessary SkillsNecessary Skills

• Think critically: even though students will Think critically: even though students will be writing about themselves, they need to be writing about themselves, they need to step back and look at their experiences step back and look at their experiences from the outsidefrom the outside

• Write analytically: writing analytically Write analytically: writing analytically means answering “why?”means answering “why?”

• Follow a writing process: brainstorming, Follow a writing process: brainstorming, drafting, feedback, revising, proofreadingdrafting, feedback, revising, proofreading

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Important StrategiesImportant Strategies

• Think like an admissions readerThink like an admissions reader

• Choose the extended prompt strategicallyChoose the extended prompt strategically

• Know the difference between a short-Know the difference between a short-answer response and an extended answer response and an extended responseresponse

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You Can Help Students…You Can Help Students…

• Understand the role of the personal statement in Understand the role of the personal statement in the admissions processthe admissions process

• Recognize the relationship between reader and Recognize the relationship between reader and writer writer

• Understand the reading and writing tasks of the Understand the reading and writing tasks of the personal statementpersonal statement

• Use a writing processUse a writing process

• Obtain appropriate feedbackObtain appropriate feedback

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Before Writing, Students Before Writing, Students Should…Should…

• Prepare a writing timelinePrepare a writing timeline

• Complete the UC applicationComplete the UC application

• Use the “Levels of Questions” strategy for Use the “Levels of Questions” strategy for the applicationthe application

• Determine the extended-response Determine the extended-response questionquestion

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Why ask questions of the Why ask questions of the application?application?

• Important to think critically about the Important to think critically about the application’s contentapplication’s content

• Helps students recognize personal and Helps students recognize personal and academic experiences as worthy of reflection academic experiences as worthy of reflection and analysisand analysis

• Connects the issues raised by the application Connects the issues raised by the application to the responses provided in the personal to the responses provided in the personal statementstatement

• Helps students fulfill the reader/writer pactHelps students fulfill the reader/writer pact

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The Reader-Writer RelationshipThe Reader-Writer Relationship

• When readers read critically (as admissions readers will do), they are asking questions, making observations and constructing interpretations of the information they are reading.

• A writer fulfills the pact with the reader by addressing these questions, observations and interpretations in the personal statement. Students can anticipate many of these questions, observations and interpretations by becoming critical readers of their own completed applications.

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Levels of Questions StrategyLevels of Questions Strategy

• Level one: What Level one: What does it say?does it say?

• Level two: What does Level two: What does it mean?it mean?

• Level three: Level three: Why/how does it Why/how does it matter?matter?

• Answers to L1 Answers to L1 questions provide questions provide details in paragraphsdetails in paragraphs

• Answers to L2 Answers to L2 questions are topic questions are topic sentences of sentences of paragraphsparagraphs

• Answers to L3 Answers to L3 questions are thesis questions are thesis statements of essaysstatements of essays

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From Prompt to Topic to From Prompt to Topic to Thesis Thesis

• Understand the key terms in the rationale Understand the key terms in the rationale statement statement and and question question

• Students should know their own questions Students should know their own questions and possible questions readers may raiseand possible questions readers may raise

• Develop a topic — the subject area — that Develop a topic — the subject area — that will be discussed in the responsewill be discussed in the response

• Draft a thesis — a point of view on the topic Draft a thesis — a point of view on the topic that addresses “why” that addresses “why”

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Our question: How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college?

Your topic: The role of Pre-College Academy in academic preparation

Your thesis: Asserts why and how PCA was a significant preparation experience

Question/Topic/Thesis Question/Topic/Thesis ExampleExample

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Determine Response TopicsDetermine Response Topics

• What topic will each response focus on?What topic will each response focus on?

• One topic per prompt!One topic per prompt!

• Is this topic the most persuasive? Does it Is this topic the most persuasive? Does it answer the most pressing questions related to answer the most pressing questions related to this prompt?this prompt?

• The prompt with the most questions associated The prompt with the most questions associated with it should be the extended response.with it should be the extended response.

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Short-Answer Short-Answer StrategiesStrategies

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Readers Want…Readers Want…

• Responses that get right to the pointResponses that get right to the point

• Specific, concrete examples and languageSpecific, concrete examples and language

• Adherence to word restrictionsAdherence to word restrictions

• Responses that complete the applicationResponses that complete the application

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Tips for Short-Answer Tips for Short-Answer ReponsesReponses

• Avoid irrelevant Avoid irrelevant background background informationinformation

• Understand meaning Understand meaning of key wordsof key words

• Ensure that response Ensure that response addresses what the addresses what the prompt asks forprompt asks for

• Make sure each Make sure each sentence advances sentence advances the argument the argument

• Avoid a collection of Avoid a collection of facts or examplesfacts or examples

• Use concrete details and Use concrete details and make them clear, rich make them clear, rich and meaningfuland meaningful

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Extended-Response Extended-Response StrategiesStrategies

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Readers Want…Readers Want…

• Organization and clarity, provided by a Organization and clarity, provided by a persuasive thesis, analytical topic persuasive thesis, analytical topic sentences, well-chosen examplessentences, well-chosen examples

• A response that supports and completes A response that supports and completes — by clarifying and contextualizing — the — by clarifying and contextualizing — the information in the applicationinformation in the application

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Thesis StatementsThesis Statements

• Concession (optional)Concession (optional)

• AssertionAssertion

• ReasonsReasons

• SignificanceSignificance

• The “but” to the “yes”The “but” to the “yes”• Although…Although…

• The argumentThe argument• This…This…

• The synthesis of The synthesis of supporting pointssupporting points• Because…Because…

• The “so what” of the The “so what” of the argument; implicationsargument; implications• As a result…As a result…

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Sample Thesis — Prompt 1 Sample Thesis — Prompt 1 (Extended)(Extended)

Although my school does not offer Although my school does not offer Advanced Placement Spanish,Advanced Placement Spanish, I wanted to I wanted to master Spanishmaster Spanish so that I could enrich my so that I could enrich my understanding of the literature of Latin understanding of the literature of Latin America and prepare for my eventual America and prepare for my eventual career goal of becoming a diplomat.career goal of becoming a diplomat. I I prepared on my own for the Advanced prepared on my own for the Advanced Placement Spanish exam, and as a result Placement Spanish exam, and as a result have become a more disciplined and have become a more disciplined and engaged student in all of my classes.engaged student in all of my classes.

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Sample Thesis — Prompt 2 Sample Thesis — Prompt 2 (Extended)(Extended)

Although I do not plan to major in veterinary Although I do not plan to major in veterinary science,science, my experiences raising and caring for my experiences raising and caring for animals have helped me understand how animals have helped me understand how important animals are to human well-being.important animals are to human well-being. Because I have seen the result of human Because I have seen the result of human disregard for other forms of life, I am better able disregard for other forms of life, I am better able to appreciate the importance of ethical treatment to appreciate the importance of ethical treatment for all.for all. As a result, I will be able to contribute my As a result, I will be able to contribute my knowledge of animal preservation and my skill knowledge of animal preservation and my skill as an organizer to the campus environment.as an organizer to the campus environment.

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Sample Thesis — Prompt 3 Sample Thesis — Prompt 3 (Extended)(Extended)

Although my parents are now both Although my parents are now both employed,employed, my family has had to struggle in my family has had to struggle in order to survive.order to survive. I am the oldest of six and, I am the oldest of six and, because our family income does not because our family income does not support us adequately, I work part-time to support us adequately, I work part-time to provide food and shelter for us. Working provide food and shelter for us. Working has taught me to stay disciplined and to has taught me to stay disciplined and to use my time appropriately.use my time appropriately. As a result, I As a result, I have been able to maintain high academic have been able to maintain high academic achievement while supporting my family.achievement while supporting my family.

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Writing ProcessWriting Process

• Brainstorm using levels of questionsBrainstorm using levels of questions

• DraftDraft

• Get feedback — give readers at least a Get feedback — give readers at least a week to respondweek to respond

• Revise for organization, clarity and Revise for organization, clarity and meaningmeaning

• ProofreadProofread

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How to Give Feedback to How to Give Feedback to StudentsStudents

• Request the application and the personal Request the application and the personal statement, not just the statementstatement, not just the statement

• Ask students to provide you with a list of Ask students to provide you with a list of questions they would like you to answerquestions they would like you to answer

• Comment on ideas and the level of Comment on ideas and the level of persuasiveness, not grammarpersuasiveness, not grammar

• Help students find readers who resemble Help students find readers who resemble their target audience their target audience

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Additional Resources for Additional Resources for StudentsStudents

• Online UC Personal Statement Tutorial for Online UC Personal Statement Tutorial for Students at Students at www.ucgateways.orgwww.ucgateways.org

• Six lessons that guide students through Six lessons that guide students through brainstorming, drafting, getting feedback and brainstorming, drafting, getting feedback and revisingrevising

• Activities to help students start early and stay Activities to help students start early and stay on taskon task

• Developed by EAOP admissions preparation Developed by EAOP admissions preparation specialistsspecialists