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CONFLICT RESOLUTION

“Raising the level of understanding and acceptance regarding zoning issues among

residents.”

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Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective

communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

Stephen Covey

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IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

THE POWER OF LISTENING

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THE POWER OF LISTENING

Don’t prepare your answer

5 Stages of Listening:Empathetic ListeningAttentive ListeningSelective ListeningPretend ListeningIgnoring

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Seek to understand before being understood.

Stephen Covey

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IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

USE POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE

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POSITIVE BODY LANGUAGE

Show interest in what they are saying

Maintain eye contact

Have a respectful expression on your face.

Keep your arms open

Be in body alignment with this person

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“BACK TO BACK”

Discuss one the greatest achievements of your life (high

performance experience). Tell your story in detail. Describe what

happened, how it made you feel, etc.

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IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER

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ACTIVE LISTENINGBe fully present

Clarify what they are saying and asking“So I hear you saying...” PAUSE, BE CALM, MODEL THE BEHAVIOR...

Show you understand with non-verbals

Acknowledge and affirm - not their actions, but their character. Show understanding.

I’d like to address your concerns. Is that okay? Educate and answer questions. Ask for buy in. Proceed and repeat.

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ACTIVE LISTENING1: You feel like you are being “singled out”, being treated unfairly, and you are very angry.2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc.

1: Your land has been in your family a long time and you are devastated. You are very upset.2: Your job is to exhibit excellent listening skills. Be an active and a focused listener, use good body language, clarify, acknowledge, etc.

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SPEAKING

Be clear

Use words that encourage communication

IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

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“DOLPHINS AND KILLER WHALES”

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• You must do this...• You will do your...• In your shoes...• I think I understand your viewpoint...• You better...• If you don’t...• You ought to...• It’s your responsibility...• That’s a valid point...• Let me see if I understand what you’re

saying...• Sounds as though you feel demeaned...

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IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

SPEAKING

Use “Intentional Language”

Use “I” Statements

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4 TYPES OF “I” MESSAGES

Declarative: Statements that simply express your needs. “I Feel, I Believe, I Like, I need.”

Responsive: Use these when someone asks something of you, especially when your answer is no. State your answer, plus your reason.“I am unable to meet with you on Friday, because I have already scheduled a meeting.”

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4 TYPES OF “I” MESSAGES

Preventive: You want to avoid a problem from occurring or happening again in the future. State your need, plus your reason for it.

“I really need for you to speak calmly because I am not able to help solve your issues when you are upset.”

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4 TYPES OF “I” MESSAGESConfrontive: Use this when a problem has occurred (perhaps repeatedly). State your feelings, the behavior you have issue with, how it has impacted you.

“I hear you and understand this must be difficult. However, I am bothered by the fact that you are raising your voice, because it seems that you are personally blaming me; and, I can’t accomplish what you need when emotions are high.”

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COMMUNICATE

Communicate in a positive manner even when there is change (not in your control) or conflict.

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HANDLING CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION

• Stop/Breathe/Think• Acknowledge the conflict• Use active listening skills• Use “I” Messages • Be specific and descriptive• Pause and check for understanding• Be respectful• State intentions

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COACHING PROCESSDefine the GOAL: What would like to discuss? What is your goal?

REALITY: What’s been happening? What have you tried so far? What else? What are the obstacles? Is the goal still realistic?

EDUCATE AND PRESENT OPTIONS: I would like to answer your questions and concerns now. Is that okay? I’d also like to explain the process and some options? Is that okay. Proceed

Challenge and request: Do you understand? Is there anything else I can do for you? What are your next steps?

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EDUCATION

Tell people what they need to know “1,000 different times, 1000 different times.”John Maxwell

Complete honesty: Over-communicate

Use different forms of communication media and outlets.

IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

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Presentations: (Tell people what you are going to say, tell

them, tell them what you said.) Introduce yourself and your reason for being

there Explain the what and the why’s. Educate and

inform. Who are you, what is your purpose, who do you serve, etc.

Include stories, not just facts (personalize it) Include audience interaction Ask the three questions: “What worked about

this presentation, where did you get stuck, what could we do differently?”

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SELF CARE

BreathingMeditationVisualizationsExercise/Food/Sleep

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IMPROVING COMMUNICATION

USING COACHING LANGUAGE

WHAT COACHES DO: Coaches ask powerful, open-ended questions, help you clarify your goals, and provide feedback. Coaches make requests and challenge you to put new skills into practice. Coaches help you find direction, motivate and encourage you, and give you insight and techniques by which you can position yourself for success.THE PROCESS: Ask powerful questions, clarify, articulate, use intuition, reframe, request, challengeSAMPLE QUESTIONS: What do you truly want; What’s next? What are the possibilities of that? What’s holding you back? What are the costs of that?

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Take turns being coached on a real issue you are experiencing at work.

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HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

Prepare for the conversation Check your language

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HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

• EXPLAIN YOUR GOAL: There is something I want to run by you. OR I have something I’d really like your help with. Can we discuss it now? If not, when?

• SHARE YOUR INTENTIONS: I’d like to share how this appears to me and I want to understand how it appears to you. If I am accurate, I want to see how we can change things. If I am wrong, I’d like for you to help me understand things better.

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HANDLING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

ASK FOR BUY IN: I am trying to resolve this in the most positive way possible for both of us.

DEMONSTRATE UNDERSTANDING: So what you’re saying is... What you’re feeling is... Have I understood you correctly?

SHARE YOUR REALITY: This is my perception.

SHIFT TO THE COACHING PROCESS

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The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.

Mother Teresa

It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.

Mother Teresa