02 “Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.”GÉRARD DE NERVAL, FRENCH WRITER AND POET

We are our own worst critic” is of-ten a phrase we use to describewhen we, as individuals, are too

hard on ourselves. For most people, it isa natural tendency to always be better,faster and stronger. However, this crazefor becoming better can result in severemental health consequences, especiallywhen it comes to our physical appear-ances. Shreya Duttani a life coach fromGurugram answers some frequentlyasked queries on the issue...

What is body shaming and what arethe problems associated with it? Body-shaming is criticising yourself or oth-ers because of some aspect of physi-cal appearance. It can lead to avicious cycle of judgmentand criticism. How does body shamingmanifest itself? There arethree main ways: 1)Criticising your ownappearance, througha judgment or com-parison to anotherperson. (i.e.: “I’m so uglycompared to her.” “Lookat how broad my shouldersare.”) 2) Criticising another’sappearance in front of them, (i.e.:“With those thighs, you’re never goingto find a date.”)

3) Criticising another’s appearancewithout their knowledge. (i.e.: “Didyou see what she’s wearing today? Notflattering.” “At least you don’t look likeher!”). No matter how this manifests,it often leads to comparison and shame,and perpetuates the idea that peopleshould be judged mainly for their phys-ical features. If it has such harsh repercussions...

why is shaming so common? Whenwe are upset, annoyed, or in-

timidated by someone,why do we resort to crit-

icising people’s ap-pearance? “She’sugly,” can be a go-to de-fence in these situa-tions, particularly dur-ing adolescence and

the young-adult years.In some ways, it feels eas-

ier to shoot for somethingthat will hurt, like targeting

physical appearance, rather thanexpressing what is really going on emo-tionally. Saying, “I’m really hurt by

how my friend treated me,” or “I’m ter-rified of losing this friendship” opensus up and makes us more vulnerable,and therefore feels easier to bury un-derneath the body-shaming commentsthat rush to mind. Is there a way to challenge this notion? Expressing true feelings rather than phys-ical criticism can be a great first step.This is how to do it:

1Practice identifying why you areupset about a situation. For exam-

ple, it’s unlikely you’re mad at a friendbecause she has a pimple and more like-ly that you’re upset about a miscom-munication or feeling of rejection. Prac-tice thinking it, and eventually, verbal-ising it.

2Identify who in your life is body-positive – or even body-neutral.

Spending time with these people can behelpful while you are struggling with yourown internalised body-shaming, and helpyou view yourself – and others – morepositively.

3Confront those who perpetuatebody-shaming.

QUERY?These queries were

posed by students fromVishwa Bharti school in

Dwarka. Have a query? Reachout to us at

toinie 175@gmail.com orlog on to www.toistu-

dent.com

Some video games teach usthe importance of gooddecision-making, planning andcommunicating effectively.That’s only where the learningbegins... Be mindful aboutusing age-specific content

Failure is your friendSome gamers enjoy colourful mobile games, like‘Candy Crush’. Others want to beat a world record. Butwhether you’re casual or hardcore, you will fail repeat-edly. Failure is built into the learning curve. The game teaches you: Overcoming failure is what

makes games addictive inthe first place. Take it in yourstride and bounce back.

You can’t win if you don’t actWhen ‘Starcraft’ came out in 1998, real-time strategy(RTS) gaming took a great leap forward. The game teaches you: The best players don’t giveup easily; instead, they gather resources and spendthem just as quickly. They aren’t afraid to experimentwith their strategies, even if that means an occasionalloss. So, don’t be afraid to take risks in your life. Onceyou have committed yourself to a goal, just go for it!

Meticulousness is rewardingGame developers love crammingsecrets into their codes. ‘TheLegend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time’,for example, has a side quest thatyou don’t know about. The game teaches you: In life,expect surprises and twists...

Cheating isn’t funSometimes we take help when-ever we are stuck. But theenjoyment doesn’t last. Whileplaying ‘GoldenEye 007’ forinstance, we realise thatcheating is an empty victory. The game teaches you:Cheating can only get youmomentary happiness...

Games like Candy Crush and TwoDots can be played by age 8 plus...

*12YEARS

&OVER

Leaders can pick up cues from stand-upcomedians. A report

Start strongThe most important part of any stand-up setis the first 30 seconds. It is in that smalltimeframe that an audience decides if you are worthpaying attention to. A good introduction relates tosomething the entire audience/ class can be a part of.When you take up a job, start off a presentation by estab-lishing that you are on common ground. If you are proposing

a solution to a problem, con-firm you all agree that thereis, in fact, a problem.— BISWA RATH

Deliver with confidenceIf you’re not confident about what you’re doing, itwill be much harder for people to follow you. Thekey to improving your confidence as a leader isthrough practice and repetition. The more oftenyou do something, the easier it becomes and themore comfortable you get. — ADITI MITTAL

Seek feedbackComedy, in a way, is simple. How do you know some-thing is funny? It makes people laugh. Feedback to a

leader is crucial. Stopping to ask your class-mates can guide you in finding what works

and what doesn’t. Then you can worksmarter. Feedback doesn’t have to

come from other people.Tracking your daily progress

can help you find what isand isn’t working for you. —KANAN GILL

Patience is key: AbishMathews taught me — it maytake people time to under-stand your comedy. But youshouldn’t let that dampenyou. The wait time is worth it. — MAANVI GUPTA, class XI,MIS, New Delhi

Honest feedbackWhat matters in life is hon-est feedback about yourperformance. Always hangout with a friend who willcriticise when necessary.— VIHAAN CHAUDHURY, class VI, DPS, Noida

Prepare ahead: Standup comics have taught meto be well prepared underall circumstances. Younever know what surpriselife will throw at you... — SHARANYA PATNAIK, classXI, MIS, New Delhi

Be sure of yourselfIt is extremely difficult todo a stand-up act.Comedians say that withconfidence half the battleis already won. As a leaderwhat you need is to takethe first step and leadyour team. — DHAIRYA AGARWAL, class XI,Vishwa Bharti Public

Respect people’s timeThe biggest sin in comedy is going over yourallotted time (called “blowing the light”). Whenyou, as a leader consistently show up late toclass meetings, you’re saying: “I think I’m

more important than you” and “Idon’t respect you. ”Respect peo-

ple’s time and they’ll respectyours (and you) for it. — KENNY SEBASTIAN

Give credit where credit is dueThe cardinal sin of stand-up comedy is stealing material. As aleader, to take credit for what other people have done is notonly dishonest, it’s limiting for both you and your team. Yourteam doesn’t get the proper recognition they deserve, and you

don’t showcase your ability to inspire your team to great results. — KUNAL KAMRA

WH

AT I

LEA

RN

T

This is the per-fect excuse to

give stand-upcomedy atry, or atleast watchsome of your

favourite comediansonline. You won’t justbe having a laugh,you’ll be on your wayto becoming a leader

STAND-UPLEADERSHIP

It seems easier to shootfor something that willhurt, like targetingphysical appearance,rather than expressingwhat is really botheringyou. So get to the rootof the problem –remember that peoplecan’t be judged by theirphysical features

FAQs on BODY SHAMING

From the counsellor

How can we cope withchanges? They come real-ly fast and sudden, and hitus hard. I can barely han-dle them and feel my con-fidence shatter. How am Isupposed to regain con-trol over my emotions?

Archita Nath, 13 years■ Deepak Chopra: I thinkyou may be talking indirectlyabout the physical and psy-chological changes of enter-ing puberty.

It is unfortunate that youregard these so negatively, feel-ing overwhelmed and con-fused. All people have gonethrough what you are experi-encing.

It is a transitional time, andI wish more young teenagerscould talk openly about what

is happening and how theyfeel. Because of your dismayedtone, it is especially importantthat you find someone older to

talk to in an honest way. Some-times in a conservative fami-ly setting, that is a challenge.

There are those who willunderstand and help; at thevery least they will listen toyou, which is importantright now. I’m sorry if I mis-interpreted your questionand you are speaking of oth-er changes. ■

Deepak Chopra is a New Age Master

“And you say thatRamesh was cured of in-

somnia by suggestion?”“Yes, purely suggestion. Hiswife suggested that since hecould not sleep, hemight as well situp and amuse thebaby. It worked.”

“And I suppose this is mod-ern art I’m looking at?”“No, that’s a mirror.”

Heading in the wrong direction? God allows U-turns.Kindness is difficult to give away because it keepscoming back.

http://www.speakingtree.in

Shakti Durga

Each of us has anintuitive capacity todiscern the energy of

any given situation despitewhat other people might besaying. We do have innerwisdom and a sense ofwhat is true.

Wouldn’t it be marvel-lous to have an innate senseof what’s right and what’swrong, what’s the right wayforward, what’s the right de-cision, should I do this,should I do that? We’re alllooking for answers. Some-

times, we find wise advisorsto help us. Any kind of spir-itual mentor, guide, teacheris going to be good. Also, weourselves are at the deepestpart of self, the best guidefor knowing what’s right forus.

The pitfalls you’ve gotto watch out for, which isdelusion essentially, is liv-ing inside the bubble of themind that we’ve createdthat’s out of touch withwhat’s actually going on in

the rest of the world. Un-til recently, intuition has

not been a popular word.However, I feel that the timeis coming when people un-derstand that the intuitivemind is a very importantpart of our overall psycheand that the more we’re intouch with it, the better weget on with other people, themore we’ll discern good op-portunities when they’recoming our way, the morewe’ll be spirited in our life,and the more connectedwe’ll be with our soul. ■

POWER TO INTUIT

It is a transitional time, and Iwish more young teenagers

could talk openly about what ishappening

‘TALK IN AN HONEST WAY’IT WORKS

MODERN ART?

BUMPER STICKERS

SACREDSPACE

Changing Seasons

Do not take this materialworld so seriously

because it is alwayschanging. Something

terrible that you take soseriously today is going to

change tomorrow.Radhanath SSwami

✥A time to weep, and a timeto laugh; a time to mourn,

and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 33:4

✥When you are transitioning

to a new season of life,the people and

situations that no longerfit you will fall away.

Mandy HHale

✥All the trees are losing

their leaves, and not oneof them is worried.

Donald MMiller

LEADERSHIP

*13YEARS

&OVER

*14YEARS

&OVER