02 “Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.”GÉRARD DE NERVAL, FRENCH WRITER AND POET

D o you lose your temper and won-der why? Some of it may be thechanges your body may be going

through. Some of it may be stress. Partof it may be your personality. No matterwhat pushes your buttons, one thing iscertain — you’re sure to get angry some-times. Everyone does. Anger is a normalemotion, and there’s nothing wrong withfeeling mad. What counts is how we han-dle it (and ourselves) when we’re angry.We answer some of your queries...

Is there a way to tame a temper. Why isit considered a challenge? Because angercan be powerful, managing it is some-times challenging. It takes plenty of self-awareness and self-control to manageangry feelings. And these skillstake time to develop.What are two basic thingsto keep in mind if we have abad temper? Self-awareness is theability to notice whatyou’re feeling and think-ing, and why. Little kidsaren’t very aware of whatthey feel, they just have ameltdown. That’s why you seethem having tantrums whenthey’re mad. But teens have the men-tal ability to be self-aware. When youget angry, take a moment to notice

what you’re feeling and thinking.The other basic thing is self-control.It is all about thinking before you act. Itputs some precious seconds or minutesbetween feeling a strong emotion and tak-ing an action you’ll regret. Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to

have more choices about how to actwhen you are feeling an intense

emotion like anger. How do we make up themind to change ourselves?That is the main chal-lenge. Deciding to getcontrol of your anger —rather than letting it con-trol you — means taking

a good look at the waysyou’ve been reacting when

you get mad. Do you tend toyell and scream or say hurtful,

mean, disrespectful things? Do you throwthings, kick or punch walls, break stuff?Hit someone, hurt yourself, or push and

shove others around?For most people who have trouble har-

nessing a hot temper, reacting like this isnot what they want. They feel ashamedby their behaviour and don’t think it re-flects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but onlywhen they want to. If you want tomake a big change in how you’re han-dling your anger, think about whatyou’ll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people?Less time spent feeling annoyed/frus-trated? A more relaxed approach to life?Remembering why you want to make thechange can help.Can lifestyle changes help in managingtemper? Exercise. Go for a walk/run,work out, or play a sport. Research hasshown that exercise is a great way to im-prove your mood and decrease negativefeelings. You may also listen to songs. Mu-sic has also been shown to change a per-son’s mood pretty quickly.

Exercise. Go for awalk/run, work out, orplay a sport. Researchhas shown that exerciseis a great way toimprove your mood anddecrease negative feelings. You may alsolisten to songs. Musichas also been shown tochange a person’s mood

QUERY?These queries were

asked by ex-students fromLord Mahavira School andBlue Bells International

School, Delhi. Have a query?Reach out to us at

toinie175@gmail.com

News You Can Use

LEADERSHIP

How to DEAL WITH ANGER

AUTHENTICITY MAY BE HARD TO DEFINE, BUT EASY TO SPOT. HERE ARE FOUR SIGNS THAT SHOWS...

Authentic leadership is a

hot topic right now, and for

good reason. While defining

authenticity is virtually

impossible, it’s easy to spot the signs

that make something authentic

or inauthentic. Here are four

signs that a leader is authentic

They don’t wear their ‘busyness’as a badgeBeing a leader comes with way too manymeetings, and a lot of people to answer to.But an authentic leader knows to stopwearing one’s “busyness” as a badge. Theyare secure enough to know that peoplewill respect them even when they aren’t

always in back-to-back meetings.

They send out genuineemails, not fake communicationSpotting an inauthentic speechshould be easy by now. They arefull of fancy words that mean lit-tle, and are usually written bysomeone else. The reality: People

don’t read them. Team memberswant their leaders to talk like them,

in words they know and use them-selves. A good leader knows how to pep-

per his/ her communication with an-ecdotes, humour and humility.

They’re the same person in theclassroom and the breakroomDo you get a different version of theleader every time you see them? It’sa red flag right there. The leadercan be a smiling, laughing, en-gaging person during class meet-ings, someone everybody likesand gets along with. But is s/hethe same person when you meetthem later in the water coolerarea? Are they inter-acting with otherstudents, or staff ina different man-ner? If so, they

are clearly an inauthentic person, whichwould make for an inauthentic leader.Ideally, one must treat every team mem-ber and staff the same.

They do more listening thantalkingOne of the signs of a great leader ishis/her ability to be a good listener. Onedoesn’t have to have all the answers to

be a good leader; one just needsto ask the right questions. And

not just questions that makeone look smart, but questionsthat make the collective grouplook smarter. A good leaderwould be patient, let othersfinish their speech, even take

notes, and eventually sayhis/her piece.

Former British PM Winston Churchillwould pepper his communicationwith humour and wit

Actor Emma Watson,through her campaignagainst gender inequality,has demonstratedleadership skills even at avery young age

Sunil Chhetri hasreceivedaccolades for hisperformance asthe Indianfootball teamcaptain becausehe is said to bepatient andhumble

Indra Nooyi hasfrequently spokenabout why it’simportant for a leader to beconstantly learning.“Just because you areCEO, don’t think youhave landed,” she had once said

“Real leadership is wheneveryone else feels incharge,” U2 frontmanBono had once said

THAT MADE US SOMEWHAT BETTER PEOPLE

ACCEPTANCE

1Woody was initially apprehensive aboutthe arrival of Buzz Lightyear. While ini-tially a tense relationship, Woody puts

aside reservations, and welcomes Buzz intothe group, and from there, the two quickly

become inseparable.

LOYALTY

2Without question, Woody and thegang are one another’s ride-or-

die. They’ve literally swung off theback of trucks going 50kms an hour forone another. If you watch any one of the

movies, the loyalty is palpable!

CHANGE

3Sometimes plans don’t pan out, andwhether it’s early in the game or late,changes happen that can turn a per-

son’s life and goals upside-down. This wasthe case for Woody too. But he didn’t letthat affect him and his positive attitude.

BELIEF

4True friends want what’s best for us,even if those decisions end up putting

some distance between us. Sayinggoodbye to friends is never easy, but thegood ones tend to understand and want

only what’s best for you.

Most of us havewatched at least oneor maybe all of the‘Toy Story’ series andhave learned a fewlessons, even if wedidn’t immediatelyrealise it...

TED TALKS ON LEADERSHIP What does it take to be a great leader? In a series of talks (available on Youtube),leaders tackle that question from their diverse viewpoints. Here are some takeaways

ENGAGE PEO-PLE’S BELIEFS.

1Start With A Why’Author SimonSinek in this semi-

nal talk says — “Engagepeople’s beliefs aboutthemselves and aboutthe world, and they willbe drawn to you and fol-low you.” How do you dothat? By focusing firston what you yourselfbelieve in and how thework you do grows outof those beliefs. AsSinek says, “Peopledon’t buy what youdo; they buy why youdo it.”

BE WILLING TOLEARN FROMANYONE

5General StanleyMcChrystal is theformer command-

er of the US and inter-national forces inAfghanistan. He ex-plains in his talk, en-tering into warfare in apost-9/11 world meantusing unfamiliar newtechnology and strivingfor ways to build cama-raderie with soldiers.In here, lies a very im-portant lesson... learnfrom everyone.

LET PEOPLE TELLTHEIR OWN STORIES

2 Orchestra conductorItay Talgam usesvideo clips in his talk

to display the vastly-dif-ferent leadership styles ofsome of the world’s great-est conductors. The mosteffective lesson — “in anorchestra, get out of theway and let people do theirown thing. Talgam alsoshares some importantlessons such as — neverlook at others while per-forming. It will just height-en your anxiety,” he said.

WE HAVE LOLLIPOP MOMENTS

3Years ago, leader-ship educator DrewDudley gave away a

lollipop and profoundlychanged someone’s lifefor the better. And that’sthe whole point of his en-gaging talk. We allchange each other’s livesall the time and most of-ten we never even knowit. It’s both frighteningand empowering to thinkof leadership not as amystical skill only a fewof us possess but assomething we all do, allthe time.

IT TAKES NEWSKILLS

4Even though there aremore leadership pro-grammes than ever be-

fore, leaders are seeingalarming failures, reportsRoselinde Torres, MD of aconsulting firm. Today’sleaders need to be able towatch and distill trends sothat they can see the futureand prepare for it. Second,they need to develop rela-tionships with people verydifferent from themselves.And third, they must bewilling to abandon prac-tices that have been suc-cessful in the past.

Seeker: Is it possible to behappy always?■ BK Sister Shivani: Wecan create happiness everymoment, all our life. It is achoice to make. Happinessmeans a comfortable stateof mind. It is a feeling cre-ated by our thoughts. It isexperienced whenever wecreate the right thought.When our thought is good,we will feel nice. That is hap-piness. Our every thoughtdecides whether we feel hap-py or unhappy. Most of uslook for happiness in mon-ey, position, possessions, suc-cess and relationships. Eachis only a stimulus to whichwe respond with positivethoughts, and they result inhappiness. To be happy al-

ways, we need to internalisethese truths:1. Happiness is independentof people and situations. Itdepends on the thought wecreate about our situation,

even in the most challeng-ing circumstance.2. Happiness is not in ac-complishments. It is not tobe postponed until our goalis reached.3. Happiness does not comefrom possessions. Every-thing physical is designed togive physical comfort. ■

BK Sister Shivani is aBrahma Kumaris teacher

Certainly the most de-structive vice if you like, thata person can have, more thanpride, which is supposedlythe number one of the car-dinal sins - is self-pity.Self-pity is the worst possibleemotion anyone canhave. And the mostdestructive. It is, toslightly paraphrasewhat Oscar Wilde said abouthatred, and I think actuallyhatred’s a subset of self-pityand not the other wayaround — ‘It destroys every-thing around it,except itself.’

— Stephen Fry

http://www.speakingtree.in

P V Vaidyanathan

Gratitude has tremen-dous power, and itcan take us from a

low point in life to a highpoint, very fast. Since welive in a vibratory uni-verse, where everything isvibrating, and the higherwe vibrate, the better ourlives become, we are alwayslooking to raise our vibra-tions. One of the quickestways to raise our vibrationis to shift to gratitude.

The moment we are

thankful for what we haveright now, we feel ease andhappiness.

The mind will always tryand show us lack, to keep usin misery and victimhood.But with a slight awarenessand mental effort, we canchoose gratitude every mo-ment, and feel better,whichin turn, by the law of at-traction, starts bringing usbetter events and circum-stances. You don’t have to bereligious to say thanks. Youjust have to be aware that

everything that you have,can be taken away from youin a second and that factshould make you grateful.For all of us, our entire lifecan be compared to a boatjourney down a river of life.

On one side of the boator on one bank of the river,are ‘things that could be bet-ter’ and on the other sideare ‘things that could beworse’. And we get tochoose which side we focuson, every moment. That isour free will; somethingthat existence has blessedevery human being with.■

THE EFFICACY OF PRAYER SELF-PITY

You make known to me

the path of life; in your

presence there is fullness

of joy; at your right

hand are pleasures

forevermore.Psalm 116:11

✥You aren't your work,

accomplishments,

possessions, home, your

family...your anything.

You're a creation of your

Source, dressed in a

physical human body

intended to experience

and enjoy life on Earth. Wayne DDyer

✥Life is a great big canvas,

and you should throw all

the paint on it you can. Danny KKaye

Festival Of Life

GRATITUDE BRINGS HAPPINESS

SACREDSPACE

Happiness means acomfortable state of mind,created by our thoughts