Adding color design template

Writing ProjectBy Rebecca WeglarzMeet the AuthorsEmily BaerFull of great ideasMostly kept to herself & her writingVery coachable Jake BrosiusDrawn back & shy at firstSomewhat of a perfectionistFollowed directions very easily BRAINSTORMINGEmily & Jake filled out organizers to get down ideas for their initial storiesEmily: Had a very easy time coming up with ideasIncluded a great amount of detail from the startEven offered ideas for Jake to use in his story!Jake: Very frustrated at first & had difficulty thinking of what he could write aboutThought of things that interested him & settled on a story about baseball

Pre-Conference Writing SampleEmily

A long time ago in a village in Tokyo there was a dog-demon who loved the priestess Lady Kikyo. Naraku loved Lady Kikyo too, but as soon as he found out that her heart belonged to another he wanted to make her suffer. The reason he loved her was because she tended to his wounds everyday. He was beaten up so badly that only one of his eyes and his mouth showed through the bandages. Pre-Conference Writing SampleJake

A long time ago I traveled back in time to play baseball with some of the best baseball players ever like Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson, and Mickey Mantle. We were going to play in the jungle. It was very hard because of the animals. Here we go. Strike one for Babe Ruth. The crowd yelled and screamed you stink.PLANNING THE CONFERENCE Emily:Story line was interesting & creativeLast paragraph intrigues the reader to want to read moreNeeds to be sure to introduce all charactersAdd more detail for understanding

Jake:Very imaginative idea to combine baseball with the jungleNeeds to add more detail with animals & settingVary & lengthen sentences within piece PROGRESSBoth made suggested changes to their writing.

Emily: Introducing characters

BeforeA long time ago in a village in Tokyo there was a dog-demon who loved the priestess Lady Kikyo. Naraku loved Lady Kikyo too

AfterLady Kikyo was a woman who could heal any wound no matter how bad it was, and she was so strong that she could kill or purify any demon. Somehow she was completely human too. Naraku who was Inuyashas brother was completely human and that created hate between the two brothers. PROGRESSJake: Setting details

BeforeOnly one animal included & vague mention of being in a jungle.

AfterHe added in jungle animals, such as a jaguar & ape.First pitch he hit a pop fly to right the outfielder getting ready to rob it when a jaguar jumps out and hits him home run. PLANNING THE MINI-LESSONIn the writing conference I had a separate goal for each student, but for the mini-lesson I had to come up with an aspect of writing that was a common ground for improvement among both Emily & Jake. I considered the 6 traits of writing and other areas that needed some development.

As I looked over both pieces of writing I noticed that each of them needed to be more clear for the reader to understand what was going on in their stories.

Topics I considered:

Visualizing to add detailOrganization strategies

After looking further into their stories, I realized they both needed to start off by improving the way they got their thoughts down on paper & create a picture in the mind of the reader (visualizing) by showing & not simply tellingELEMENTS OF MINI-LESSONIntroduction:-Compliment the good ideas & leads to their stories-What does it mean to visualize or zoom in? Goal is to show the reader a full picture-We want to use exciting, descriptive words-Today were going to explore how we can stop, reread, & think about actions we want to visualize as we writeDiscuss the Process:-Read from mentor book, Willow, & ask students to close their eyes as they listen to what is being read-Show how I visualized parts in my own piece of writing-Try to account for all the senses (what do you see, hear, smell, feel, etc.)Turn & Talk:-Find one part of your story what you think is important for your reader to know a lot about How can you try to stretch this out and add more detail?-Turn to each other & share your ideas on how you visualized to add detail Can one of you share with me?Closing & Review:-Compliment students hard work today -I will be looking to see that you are stopping to visualize & extend your ideasAnticipated Responses & Outcomes:-I will make sure students are applying the visualizing strategy to their own work by closing their eyes & seeing what they are adding to their stories RESPONSE TO MINILESSONStudent ResponseSeemed to understand the concept of visualizing & could apply it to their own stories. At times seemed a little unengaged to activity

My ResponseStudents could have been a bit more engagedI had to tweak parts of the lesson as I went along to help keep them involvedThey demonstrated the concept in their own writing in the end, which I was pleased with

FOR NEXT TIMEI could pull examples of each students piece to keep them more interestedIncrease amount of social interactionhave both students involved & offer suggestions to peersAdd movement that makes lesson more memorableInclude a list of possible descriptive words they could use as a reference

OUTCOME OF MINI-LESSONEmily Before Visualizing:So he drew a 100 ft. troll with ink and he became that troll and attacked Inuyasha hoping to kill him.Emily After Visualizing:So he drew a 100 ft. troll that smelled terrible, had four razor-sharp teeth that were very, very, very yellow, and blood red eyes that seemed to glow with hatred.OUTCOME OF MINI-LESSONJake Before Visualizing:We were going to play in the jungle. It was very hard because of all the animals.The pitcher was going to throw the windup then the giant Ape jumped on the field. He ran around and the game stopped.Jake After Visualizing:We were going to play in the Jungle. We found a huge open space and decided to make our own baseball field in the jungle. We looked all over then finally we looked up and found a tree house in a huge tree. We found people living in the tree and asked them to play baseballThen a hairy scary black giant Ape jumped on the field, he grabbed a bat and started to swing it at the players. The outfielder swung on a vine and threw it to first.

ASSESSMENT/FINAL CONFERENCEEmily

Strengths:Great at adding more detail where neededExtensive depth of story ideaGreat word choicevery advanced

Opportunities for growth:

Organization of pieceputting ideas in proper orderDialogue could be added for interest

ASSESSMENT/FINAL CONFERENCEJake

Strengths:When he had an idea, he ran with itGreat job re-reading piece for understanding

Opportunities for growth:

Work on the way dialogue is added to the storyVary lengths of sentences to add enjoyment