work hard. persevere. be flexible. chapter ten
TRANSCRIPT
183
Work hard. Persevere. Be flexible.
ChaPter teN
Understanding yourself, setting goals, and planning help build important foundations, but action is required to make your dreams come true. To take control of your life it is necessary to choose and take appropriate action. Take charge. Move forward (or at least move!). A pervasive drive for most people is a belief that they have control over important aspects of their lives. A belief in one’s own academic ability, for example, is a reliable predictor of academic achievement.
Unless people believe that they can produce desired effects by their actions, they have little incentive to act....[Self-efficacy] beliefs influence aspirations and strength of goal commitments, level of motivation and perseverance in the face of difficulties and setbacks, resilience to adversity, quality of analytic thinking, causal attributes for successes and failures, and vulnerability to stress and depression. (Bandura, Barbaranelli, Caprara, & Pastorelli, 1996, p. 1206).
In order to become more determined, motivated, and ambitious and to find the strength to work harder and persevere, we must believe that those efforts will pay off. How can we develop more positive self-efficacy beliefs?
Our expectations about our efficacy are derived from four sources of information—
performance accomplishments, vicarious experience, verbal persuasion, and physi-ological states (Bandura, Barbaranelli, Caprara, & Pastorelli, 1996). We can alter our self-efficacy beliefs by direct action, by the observation of others (role models), through the guidance of people (mentors) we respect who tell us that we can achieve, and through certain physical states such as relaxation.
Taking action always involves an element of risk. The importance of being willing to take a risk is reflected in this story:
Ihaveasituationthatismakingmenervous.Iamtryingtoapplyforajobasapolicerecordsspecialistforthecity.ThesearepeopleIhaveneverworkedwithbeforeandIdonotknowhowaccommodatingtheywillbe.ThisisalsothefirsttimeIhavefilledoutanapplicationforemployment,soIdon’treallyknowhowtomakeitturnoutright.EvenifIgetapprovedtotaketheexamination,Idonotknowwhethertheywilltakethetimetoreadthematerialtomeorwhatwillbeonthetest.Ifallgoeswell,Imightbeworkingforthecitynextterm.Ihavehadmyinsecuritieswhenfacedwithnewsituations,butIhavealwaysbeenabletoworkaroundthem,andithasalmostalwayspaidoff.(collegestudentwhoisblind)
This thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.— Mary Pickford —
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E-Mentoring
Successful people need to advocate for themselves, work hard, and persevere.
Successful adults with disabilities demonstrate a willingness to take risks and are resilient when they encounter setbacks, keeping their eye on the ultimate goal. These individuals are also astute in selecting goals for themselves, choosing careers that capitalize on their strengths. They develop creative strategies and techniques to compensate for areas of weakness. Perhaps the most notable characteristics of this group of individuals are persistence and commitment to hard work.
The idea of working hard and long was not something to be applied occasionally but was simply a way of life. Additionally, persistence was emblematic of powerful resiliency, the ability to deal with failure by not giving up and trying again. (Reiff, Gerber, & Ginsberg, 1992, p. 15)
Young people need to take action in order to reach goals. They also need to learn from their experiences by reflecting on the out-comes of their actions. Through completing the following online activities, participants will learn the importance of
n working hard. n taking risks.
n taking action.n persevering.n learning from experiences, both
successes and setbacks.n communicating effectively.n anticipating conflict and criticism.n using strategies to resolve conflicts in
constructive ways. n comparing the outcome of experiences
with what was expected.n reflecting on experiences in order
to reach higher levels of success in the future.
n making adjustments and being flexible in order to find success.
n being resilient.
The e-mentoring administrator can select appropriate messages from the following examples and send those with titles beginning with Mentor Tip to the mentors only and the E-Community Activity messages to the entire mentoring community. Use these examples to stimulate other ideas for online discussions. It is desirable that, ultimately, most discussions topics come from the mentors and protégés.
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Mentor Tip: Actions to Achieve Goals
Send this message to the e-mentors only.
Subject:Mentoringtipsonactionstoachievegoals
Below,peoplewithdisabilitiessharetheirthoughtsabouthowcaringadultslikeyoucanhelpyoungpeoplewithdisabilitieslearntotakeappropriateactionstoachievegoals.Reflectontheirthoughtsasyoumentoryoungpeopleinouronlinecommunity.
•Thebestwayforanyonetoteachanybodyhowtoassertthemselvesistoletthemdoit.(collegestudentwithTourette’sSyndrome,PanicDisorder,andEpilepsy)
•Keepapositiveattitudeaboutthekids’goals,andencouragethemtomeetthosegoals.Whenchildrendon’tmeetthemthefirsttime,staypositiveandmakesuretheyknowthatit’snotoverandtheyshouldkeeptrying.(highschoolstudentwithamobilityimpairment)
•Offerencouragementtokids,butletthemsometimesfailtogettheirresiliencyinshapebeforetheyareontheirownintherealworld.(collegestudentwhoisblind)
•Ithinkkidsneedtorealizethateveryoneexperiencesfailure....It’showyoudealwithfailurethatisimportant.(graduatestudentwithahearingimpairment)
•Creategoalsthathavebuilt-inflexibility,andallowroomforsometrialanderror.Forexample,whenIdecidedtopursueaPh.D.,Idevelopedabackupplanjustincaseitdidn’tworkout.IfindhavingaPlanAandaPlanB(andsometimesaplanC)reallyhelpsmeadjustwhenonegoalisunattainable.KnowingthatIhavesomethingtofallbackonrelievesalotofanxietywhileI’mworkingtowardmyoriginalgoal.(graduatestudentwithahearingimpairment)
•Helpyourchildlearntonevergiveup.(highschoolstudentwithabraininjury)
•Remindthemoftimeswhentheyhaveaccomplishedsomethingandhowgooditfelt.Andhelpthemfigureoutawaytocompletethetaskbysuggestingalternatestrategiesoraskingthemtocomeupwithalternatemethods.(Ph.D.candidatewhoisblind)
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Mentor Tip: Actions to Achieve Goals (continued)
•Don’tgetover-protective—anddonotletthedisabilitycoloreveryexpectation.(computerscientistwhoisblind)
•Helpkidssetrealistic(butnoteasy!)goals.Helpchildrenwithdisabilitieslearntodothingsindependentlyinordertogainself-confidence.(collegestudentwhoisdeaf)
•Beoptimistic,neverdoubtabilities,bepositive,andchallengekids.Focusonthepositiveaspects,andhelpthemsetgoalsTHEYwant.NEVER,EVERassumetheycan’tdosomething.(collegestudentwithspeechandmobilityimpairments)
•Ithinktheattitudeoffamily,parentsandgrandparents,isveryimportantforhowachildapproacheslife.MyfamilyalwaysassumedIcoulddoalotofthings,andI’vedonequiteafew.Basically,parentsneedtosupporttheirchild,pushtheirchildsomewithoutforcingthechildtodothingsthatarecountertotheirowndreams,beavailablefortheirchildtotalktowhensetbacksoccur,andsoon.Theseattitudesneedtobepresentespeciallyinsocialthingsbecausefailurestheretendtobemuchmorepainfulanddifficulttoovercome.(collegegraduatewhoisblind)
•Parentscanhelptheirkidsacceptresponsibilitybytakingresponsibilityfortheirownactions.(Ph.D.candidatewhoisblind)
•Responsibilitiesmustbegivenandconsequencesmustbefelt.Ifresponsibilityisn’tgiven,achildneverlearnshowtohandleit.(collegegraduatewhoisblind)
•Alwayssupportandadvocateforyourchild,butdon’teverletthemthinkthatitisnottheirproblem.Includetheminmeetingsyouhavewithteachers,doctors,andotherpeople.Thatwillteachthemtoadvocateforthemselves.(highschoolstudentwithalearningdisability)
•Ithinkagoodwaytohelpkidsacceptcriticismbetteristoalwayspresentpositivefeedbackfirst....thenbringintheconstructivecriticism.(graduatestudentwithahearingimpairment)
•Encouragechildrentogetoutandmeetpeople.Theyhavetomakethemselvesknown.Opportunityismuchmorelikelytoknockifitknowstheaddress.(collegestudentwhoisblind)
187
E-Community Activity: Working Hard
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Workinghard
Individualswithdisabilitiescanexpectattimestoworkhardertoreachthesamegoalsastheirpeerswithoutdisabilities.Asreportedbyasuccessfulhighschoolstudentwhoisblind:
•IacceptedthefactthatImustworkharderthanotherstudentstogetthesamegrade.MygradesstartedtogrowgraduallytoanAaverage.
Learningtoworkhardcanbeanassetinlife,asexpressedbyonesuccessfulhighschoolstudentwhoisblind:
•SometimesIthinkthatallofuswithdisabilitieshaveanadvantageoverthosewhohavethingscomeeasiertothem.Whateveritiswewant,wehavetowantitandthenworkforit.Thatnecessarydesirepromotesdrivetoaccomplish,succeed,orachieve.Othersaroundusmaybecontenttofloatordotheminimummostofthetime,butnotus.Forus,havingwhateverybodyelsehasisanaccomplishment,andhavingtastedsuccesswewanttokeepsucceeding.
Howwouldyouexplaintoachildwithadisabilitythattheymighthavetoworkharderthanotherchildrentoreachthesamegoalswithoutmakingthemfeeldiscouraged?
188
E-Community Activity: Coping with Stress
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Copingwithstress
Stressmotivatesyoutodothings.However,itcanhaveanegativeimpactonyourphysicalandemotionalhealthifyoudonotcopewithitwell.
Describeasituationthatisstressfulforyouatschoolandthestrategiesyouusetocopewithit.
189
E-Community Activity: Being Flexible
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Beingflexible
Someadversitiesinlifearebeyondyourcapacitytochangenomatterhowhardyoutryorhowmotivatedyoumaybe.Aspointedoutbyacollegestudentwhoisblind:•Thetoughpartaboutbeingdisabledandkeepingapositiveattitude
istorealizethattherearethingsthatyouwanttodothatyouwillprobablynevergettodo.Thiscantakeatollonthemindanddamagetheself-esteemandpositiveattitude.ThebigissueformewhenIturnedsixteen,andevennow,wasthatIcouldnotdrivebecauseofmyvisualdisability.
Onceyouhavesetagoal,itisimportanttobeflexibleregardingpossiblemodificationstothegoalitselfaswellasfindingapathtoreachthegoal.Below,apersonwhoisblinddescribesasituationwhereheneededtobeflexiblewhenstartinganewjob.
•Ihavehadtomakealotofadjustmentswhilegettingsettledintomynewjobasatechnicalsupportspecialist.Thisjobrequiresalotofflexibilityastowhentheemployeesworkandwhentheyhavetimeoff.Inmycase,Ihavehadalsotomakecertainadjustmentsregardingtransportationandequipment.Forexample,Iwasgoingtotakethetraintoanearbystationandthencatchabustomyworkarea.TheproblemisthatthebusletsoffonthewrongsideofthebuildingandIwouldhavetowalkthroughaloadingdockwheretherearealotoftrucksparked.Havingtogetaroundallthosevehicleswouldmakeitdifficulttostayonthepath.Iwouldneedhelpfromasightedperson.Instead,Iresortedtousingashuttleprovidedbythecompany.ItpicksmeupattherailstationanddropsmeoffatthebuildingwhereIwork.
Giveanexampleofasituationwhereyoushouldbeflexibleandonewhereyoushouldnot.
190
E-Community Activity: Taking Risks
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Takingrisks
Takingrisksrequiresthatweacceptthefactthatwemightfail.However,asstatedbyonestudentwhoisblind,“Lifeisnothingwithoutrisk.Riskscanhelpapersonbesuccessfulinthelongrun.”Inanelectronicdiscussion,individualswithdisabilitiessharedtheirrisk-takingexperiences.
•OneriskItookwhenIwasyoungerinvolveddrivingmywheelchairdownasteephill.Itwascrazy,butIwasadaredevilatthetime.Well,itcostmeascratchonmycheek,butitwasfununtilIreachedthebottom.Ithinkit’sokaytotakeariskaslongasitdoesn’triskotherpeopleslives.(highschoolstudentwithamobilityimpairment)
•ThissummerItookoneofthebiggestrisksinmylife.Iwasgiventheopportunitytoattendtwoeducationalcamps,acomputercampandacamptolearnaboutgovernment.Iwasafraidtoattendthecampsbecausetheyweregearedfornondisabledstudents.Thecomputercampwasthebiggestconcernbecauseofgettingaccessiblebooksandcomputers.Theriskpaidoff.Ilearnedalotfrombothcampsandmadefriendstoboot!(collegestudentwhoisblind)
•AverybigriskthatItookwasmyworkatamuseum.Ihaveverypoorpeopleskills.It’sobvioustowhomevercomesincontactwithme.Iamalsowobblymentallyandphysically—mentallyinthatIamunsureofmyselfandphysicallyinthatIcantoppleatanymoment.Ihadtofacetherisksofdealingwithpeopleandtrippingonsomethingandruiningafragileexhibiteveryday.Theinitialjobwasforclasscredit.Itooktheaddedriskofextendingmyjoboverthesummer.Thataddedtheworryoftransportation.IamhappytosaythatdespitetheserisksIdidthejobandIdiditwell.Igainedfriends,experience,andsomethingtoputonaresume.(collegestudentwithmobilityandhealthimpairments)
•IkeepgoingwhenpeopletellmeIcan’t.IamnotafraidtotrythingsandIdon’tgiveup.MyparentstookmeeverywhereandIdideverythinglikeanormalkid.IhaveagoodfriendfromkindergartenwhoisablebodiedandsheknowsmesowellthatwedoallsortsofstuffthatpeoplemightnotthinkIcoulddo,butwecomeupwithaflexibleplanandwedoit.(highschoolstudentwithmobilityandspeechimpairments)
Describeanexperiencewhereyoutookarisktoachievesomethingyouwanted.Whatwastheoutcome?Whatdidyoulearnfromtheexperience?
191
E-Community Activity: Taking Action
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Takingaction
Agroupofsuccessfulindividualswithdisabilitiesofferedthefollowingadvicetoteenswithdisabilitiesabouttakingactiontoreachtheirgoals.Readthelistandthensendamessagetoourgroupwithastatementyouwouldaddtothelist.
•Nothingworthwhilecomeswithoutrisk.Withoutrisksuccesscannotbeachieved.
•Resiliencyiskeytosuccessinlife.Thingswillnotalwaysgothewayyouplan,butyouhavetobouncebackfromwhateverdifficultiesyouencounterandgetbackontrack.
•Keeptrying.Thingsdon’talwaysworkoutthefirsttimearound.Thinkofotheroptionsforachievingthesamegoal,oraskothers(familymembers,friends,teachers,etc.)forideasonhowyoucanachieveyourgoal.Stretchyourself.Dothingsyouneverthoughtpossible.
•Workatyourownpace,keeppositive,andyoucandoanythingyousetyourmindto.
•Donotpityyourselfforwhatcardsyouhavebeendealt.Ithappened....nowmoveon.
•Thatmomentofinsecurityisworththeachievementintheend.Itisimportanttokeepthatinmindthroughoutlife.
•Keeponwithlifedespiteunfortunateresponsesfrompeople.Toletotherpeoplegetyoudownandmakeyouceasetobeanactiveparticipantinyourownlifeistoletthemwin.Tolivelifepassivelyistodenyone’sfullcapabilityofexistence.Parentsandteacherscanhelp,butthisissomethingyouhavetofindwithin.
•Becreativeandflexible.
•Itisimportanttodevelopnetworkingskills.Almostanyoneyoumeetcanbeaprospectiveresource.Learnhowtomakeandcapitalizeonfriendshipsandfollowup.Ifyoudouseapersonasaresource,callorsendalettertosaythankyou.
•DOIT........DON’TQUIT.
192
E-Community Activity: Learning From Experiences
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Learningfromexperiences
Successfulpeoplelearnfromtheirexperiences.Onceanactionistaken,theyevaluatetheoutcome,and,regardlessofwhethertheoutcomeispositiveornegative,theyaskwhattheycanlearnfromtheexperiencethatwillincreaseopportunitiesforsuccessinthefuture.Afewstrategiesthatcontributetosuccessfullearningfromexperiencesarethefollowing:
•Reflectontheexperienceandtakewithyouthosethingsthatcanhelpyoureachhigherlevelsofsuccessinthefuture.
•Comparetheoutcomeoftheexperiencewithwhatyouexpected.Iftheyaredifferent,analyzewhy.Whatcanyoulearn?Howwillyoumoveforward?
•Compareyourperformancetoyourexpectedperformance.Iftheyaredifferent,analyzewhy.Howcanyoucontinuetoimproveyourperformanceinsimilaractivities?
•Celebratesuccessinternallyandexternally.
•Learnfrombothsuccessesandfailures/setbacks.
•Makeadjustmentsinordertoincreaseyourchancesforsuccessinthefuture.
Selectoneofthestrategieslistedaboveandtellabouthowyouhaveapplieditorcanapplyitinthefuture.
193
E-Community Activity: Learning from Work Experiences
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Learningfromworkexperiences
Everyexperienceinlifeoffersopportunitiestolearn.Forexample,studentsenrolledininternships,cooperativeeducation,volunteerwork,andotherwork-basedlearningprogramsgainvaluableexperiencesthatcanhelpthemobtainandsucceedinfuturejobs.Inanonlinediscussion,peoplewithavarietyofdisabilitiesdiscussedthevalueofwork-basedlearningexperiencesthatoccurredwhiletheywerestillinschool.Partoftheirdialoguefollows.
•IhadaprojectmysenioryearofcollegewhereIbuiltandmaintainedawebsiteformychurch.I’mstillmaintainingitevenaftercollege.Itletmegainexperience.ItisimportantforANYstudenttodothis,anditisespeciallybeneficialtopeoplewithdisabilitiesbecausetheysometimesneedmorehelptoovercomeemployers’biases.
•Employerswanteducationandexperience.
•Workinghasgivenmemotivationtoreturntoschoolanddoitwellthistime.ForfouryearsI’vebeenworkingentry-levelpositions,andInowhaveabetterunderstandingofwhereIwanttobeinlifeandthe“direction”thatIwanttotake.IalsofeelthatIhaveabetterunderstandingofthejobmarketandhowthingsworkinahighlycorporateenvironment.IwisheveryonecouldfeelthemotivationandexcitementtolearnwhatIhaveafterfouryearsofpovertyand$5.50-an-hourjobs.
•Interpersonalskills,communicationskills,andawarenessofone’sstrengthsandlimitsarejustsomebenefitsthatcanbegainedthroughwork-basedexperiences.
•IwasanexecutiveinternwithalocalmeteorologistduringmysenioryearinhighschoolandthenworkedfortwosummersfortheAssistantStateClimatologistofColorado.Theseexperiencesstrengthenedmydesiretogointoatmosphericscienceresearch.Ialsolearnedthatconnectionscanreallyhelpyougetajob!AndIpracticedarticulatingmyneedswhennecessary.
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E-Community Activity: Learning From Work Experiences (continued)
•Ihavesomeprettystrongviewpointsaboutwork-basedlearningexperiences.Ididonelastsummer,and,eventhoughitwasfrustrating,ittaughtmesomelessonsthatIwouldnothavelearnedotherwise.Firstofall,Ilearnedthatweneedtobeabletofocusonmorethanonetaskatatime.Second,Ilearnedthatonecanusuallydosomethingthatonesetsone’smindto.
•Work-basedlearningexperiencesgiveyouachancetopracticeanddevelopworkskillsthatarenottaughtintheclassroom(personalinteractionwithothers,teamwork,learninghowtotakecriticism,etc.).
•Aninternshipgivesstudentsachancetoproblem-solvehowtheywilluseortransferanaccommodationusedinschooltoaworksetting....inanonthreateningenvironment.Youlearnwhatworksforyou,andyoulearnwhatdoesn’tworkforyou.Youmayhavegoodexperiencesorbadexperiences,butinmyopinion....thebadexperiencesaresometimesmorevaluablethanthegoodexperiences.Andit’sfun!
•Mysenioryear,Ihadaninternjobatalocalnewspaper.Myinternshipwasn’tapayingone,butIgothighschoolcreditforitsinceIdiditduringschoolhours.Ifyougetpaid,great,extracashwon’thurt,butifnot,it’sstillgoodtojusthavetheexperience.
•ThisyearhasbeenthefirsttimeI’vebeeninawork-basedlearningopportunity.Iwasintroducedintoworkinginacorporateenvironment.I’velearnedtobemoreresponsibleandindependent.
Describeaworkexperienceyouhavehad—paidorunpaid;longorshortinlength;atschool,athome,atacompanyorjobsite—andtellwhatyoulearnedfromtheexperience.
195
E-Community Activity: Understanding the Value of Work Experiences
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Understandingthevalueofworkexperiences
Work-basedlearningisanimportantpartofaperson’seducation.Belowisalistofreasonswhyworkexperienceisimportant.Itwaswrittenbyasuccessfulpersonwithadisability.Thinkabouthowwhatissaidappliesordoesnotapplytoyourlife.
•ItcanhelpyoufigureoutwhatyouDON’Twanttodo.Alotofpeoplegothroughtheireducationwitharomanticvisionofwhatcareertheywillpursueaftergraduation.Theyoftenpicturethemselvesasprepared,havingtakennumerouscourseswithintheoccupation’ssubjectarea.Theyareoftenverydisappointed.Youmaynotalwaysenjoythe“practice”aswellasthe“theory.”Ihavemetallsortsofpeoplewhohatedtheirjobsbutlovedtheirmajor.
•Itcanhelpyoudeterminewhichaccommodationsworkbestforyou.Theaccommodationsyouuseinschoolmaynotworkattheworksite.Yourtechnologymaynotinterfacewiththeemployer’s.Youneedtobecomeamasterofyouraccommodations.Work-basedlearninggivesyoutheopportunitytopracticeaccommodatingyourself....Whenyouareapplyingforyour“realjob,”youwillknowwhataccommodationsyouneed,aswellaswhereandhowtogetthem.
•Itoffersalow-risk,nonthreateningopportunitytodiscloseyourdisabilitytoanemployer.Disclosureofdisabilitycanbeanerve-wrackingprocessforboththestudentandtheemployer.Interviewsforinternshipsandotherexperiencescanhelpyoutryoutwaysoftalkingaboutyourdisability.
•Youcanapplywhatyou’relearninginschooltoareal-worldsituation.Thismakeslearningfunandoffersawholenewperspectiveonthesubjectarea.
•Itenablesyoutolearnandpracticeskillsnotlearnedinatypicalclassroom.Youcansometimesgetacademiccreditforit.Youcansometimesgetpaidforit.Youcannetworkwithpotentialfutureemployers.Youcanprovetoanemployerwhohasneverhadanemployeewithadisabilitythatyouarecapable,thuscreatingafuturepositionforyourselforopeningthedoorforafriend.
•Youmighthavetheopportunitytoworkwithstate-of-the-artequipmentnotavailableoncampus.EmployerswanteducationANDexperience.Justadegreesimplywon’tcutit.Ifyouwantajobwhenyougraduate,thisisthebestwaytogetexperienceinyourfield.
Whydoyoufeelitisimportanttohaveworkexperiencebeforecompletingschool?
196
E-Community Activity: Being Resilient
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Beingresilient
“Resiliency”istheabilitytobouncebackandkeeptryingafterfailuresorotherdifficultsituations.Successfulpeopleareresilient.Theydon’tletthesmallstuffgetthemdown,andtheydon’tgiveupwhenfacedwithsetbacks,failures,orotherdifficulties.Theylearnfrombothsuccessandfailure.Below,successfulyoungpeopleandadultsdescribehoweventsandpeopleintheirliveshelpedthemlearntoberesilient.
•WheneverasachildItoldmyparentsthatIcouldnotdosomething,theyremindedmethatIcoulddoitaslongasIbelievedinmyabilitytodoit,andtheyusuallywereright.IfIdidnotsucceed,myparentspointedoutalternatemethodsforachievingthegoal.Now,IammotivatedtocontinuetotrysomethingaslongasIcanthinkofotheroptionsforcompletingthetaskathand.WhenIrunoutofoptions,itissometimestemptingtogiveup,butIhavealsolearnedthatnewoptionssometimesopenupwithtime.(Ph.D.candidatewhoisblind)
•TherehavealwaysbeenthingsI’vewanted,andIcouldn’tgetthemifIdidn’ttryagainonceIfailed.Thatwastruethroughoutschool.Inmath,Ihadtodomanythingsbyslowermethodsthanotherkidsused.Forexample,inprecalculustheyallhadgraphingcalculators,butIcouldn’tuseone.IdidasmuchoftheworkasIcouldbecauseIwantedtolearn,Iwantedgoodgrades,andIwantedthatclassonmytranscriptforcollege.(collegegraduatewhoisblind)
•Whathelpedmetoberesilientwastheneedtosurvive.Ididn’tattendschooluntilthefifthgradeduetonumeroussurgeries.Thefirstfewdaysintheclassroomattheageofelevenwereashock.Thephysicallyandmentallyhandicappedsoonlearntoignoretheslingsandarrowsofmisfortune.Ileadaverynormallifedespiteabirthdefectinthelowerspine.Thepeopleinmylifewhotoughenedmeincludedmymother,myuncle,adoctor,and,fromtimetotime,anunderstanding,compassionateteacherinhighschoolandcollege.(retiredcounselorwithmobilityimpairment)
•IwasmotivatedtoreachforhigherstandardswhenIlostmysightfouryearsago.Itmademetryharderandforcedmenottopitymyself.Myvisionteacherpushedmetogiveitmyall.Hemademe
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E-Community Activity: Being Resilient (continued)
believeinmyabilitiesandmyself.Heraisedmyself-esteemandpushedmeintotakingthespecializedhighschoolexam.Withouthim,IwouldnotbeinthepositionIamnow.Heplayedanintegralpartinmyhigherstandardsbeingreached.(collegestudentwhoisblind)
•JoiningandparticipatingintheDO-ITprogramwasprobablythemosthelpful.Theydidmorethanjustteachmeaboutonlinecommunications,etc.Theyhavealsohelpedmesolveproblemsthatwerecollege-andcareer-related.(collegestudentwhoisblind)
•Saywhatyouwillaboutspite;it’sagreatemotion.Myparentsneverbelievedinme(I’msurethatthey’dsayotherwise,buttheywouldbelying).Theydon’ttrustme,andtheyreallydon’tcarewhatIdo,solongasitmeetstheirpreconceivednotionsofwhoIam.SoIdecidedtosucceed,nomatterwhat,justtospitethem.(collegestudentwithmobilityimpairment)
•Theprimarysourceofanyresilienceinmeisextremehopeforthefutureandasenseofmission.Inthis,myfatherplayedalargepart.Whenhegetsgoing,Idoubtthereisanyonecapableofmorepassionandexuberance.(collegestudentwithamobilityimpairment)
•Beginningwithcatechismandmymother’sinsistenceonreadingBiblestoriestomeandmybrother,Ifastdevelopedatheologicalgroundingforsubsequentresilience.(collegestudentwithamobilityimpairment)
•Adultstaughtmethatlifeisfullofobstaclesandhurdles.SometimesImakeitoverthehurdlethefirsttimearound,sometimesIdon’t.Ilearnedtoacceptfailureandtolearnfrommymistakes.IusewhatIlearnedtohelpmegetoverthehurdlethenexttime.Ilearnedthatfailureisnotalwaysabadthing.Infact,that’showwedevelop,bylearningwhatworksandwhatdoesn’t.(graduatestudentwithahearingimpairment)
•Onesourceofresilience,thejoyofdiscovery,Iinheritedfrombothmyparents.EarlyinmychildhoodIwascontinuouslyencouragedtolearn.Andasaquirkintheirgenerallytraditionalparentingstyle,theyneverpressuredmeormybrothertoachievehighgradesinschool.ThusIdevelopedthisjoyintrinsically,fromtheinsideout—somethingthatisextremelyimportant.(collegestudentwithamobilityimpairment)
Howhaveparents,siblings,friends,mentors,teachers,orotherpeopleinyourlifehelpedyou(orNOThelpedyou)learntoberesilient?
198
E-Community Activity: Affirming Success
Send this message to the e-community of protégés and mentors.
Subject:Affirmingsuccess
Successfulpeoplelearnfromtheirexperiences.Below,successfulpeoplewithdisabilitiesshareadviceonlearningfromtheirexperiencesastheyworktowardachievinggoals.
•Findsomethingthatyoudowell,andusethatasasteppingstonetosucceedinotherareas.
•Never,evergiveuponyourdreamsandgoals,nomatterwhathappens.Liketheysay,“Ifatfirstyoudon’tsucceed,try,tryagain!”Justbecauseyoudon’tmakeitthefirstorsecondorthirdtimedoesn’tmeanyouwillnevermakeit.Everytimeyoudon’tmakeitwillmakeyouastrongerpersonandwillmakeyouwanttoreachyourgoalsevenmore.
Readeachofthefollowingaffirmationsofsuccessfulindividualsandreflectonwhetheritappliestoyounow.
•Iamresilient.
•Icanhandlethingsthathappentomeinapositiveway.
•IcompareoutcomestowhatIexpected.
•IcomparemyperformancetowhatIexpected.
•Imakeadjustmentsbasedonoutcomes.
Selectoneofthestatementsthatisnotalwaystrueforyounowanddescribeoneexampleofwhatyoucandotomakethisstatementstrongerinyourlife.