why women don’t ask: finding your inner voice › mwlawyers.org › resource › ... · why we...
TRANSCRIPT
MEN WOMEN
BRAIN MATTERS• Emotions up to 50% heritable
• Men larger brains, women more connections
• Amygdala - heighten responses to danger: larger for men so they create safety by competing while we do it by connecting
• Larger prefrontal cortex in women, combined with more estrogen, make us better at conflict management. We compromise, men compete.
• Anterior cingulate cortex (worrywart center) - cautious and collaborative
- Audre Lorde
“We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs. If we wait in silence for that final luxury of
fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us.”
WHY WE SHOULD BE ASKING• Men initiate salary negotiations 4X more often
• When we do ask, we ask for 30% less money then men do
• Men apply for jobs when they have 50 - 70% of the qualifications. Women closer to 100%.
• Overqualified and over prepared
• End the stereo type of “B” for speaking up
• Are we much better then the bully when we don’t speak up
• Avoidance leads regret, set the example
• When you get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach
LEADS SEQUENCE
• Listen & Learn
• Explore the Emotion
• Attitude Adjustment
• Do Something
• Script a New Story
LISTEN & LEARN
• Silent or violent?
• Notice when you lose your courage
• Listen to those your respect and to hose who do speak up.
EXPLORE THE EMOTION• Describe to someone a situation and tell them how you
feel about the situation.
• What identify am I most concerned of risking?
• Am I competent?
• Am I a good person?
• Am I worthy of love?
• What story is creating these emotions?
• Have your feelings or they will have you!
• We should be more afraid of silence.
• Conflict can be a good thing
• What is the value you can bring?
• Challenge the illusion that what you’re feeling is the only right emotion.
• Think of it as an act of love.
• Skill - we work & speak when tired so why not when unsure or afraid?
DO SOMETHING• What do you want? -
practice asking
• Share the feeling
• Problem solve
• State what concerns you
• Speak for yourself with others in mind
• Apologize when appropriate & mean it
SCRIPT A NEW STORY, SUPPORT YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE
• Listen from the inside
• Differentiate between the commentator in your head (be a “good girl”) and the pit in your stomach
• Don’t Turn it Off, Turn it Up
• Not about controlling other rather about share what is important to you
• If you can’t be first, be second
• Get a mantra: Joan of Arc
• Meditation: “no one is above me or below me”
• Faith: “we are all equal in the eyes of…
You’re Entitled!!!
Shannon L. Alder
“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation
you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear
and regret.”
THANK YOU!!
NAN GESCHE