white - ucd

60% VOTE YES FOR A

WHITEELEPHANT

ISSUE 10 / VOLUME 19 20.04.06

SEE PAGE 3

THIS WEEK2

123

20.04.06

Box 74,Student’s Centre,University College Dublin.Belfi eld,Dublin 4.

[email protected]

Telephone:(01) 716 8501

Online:www.ucd.ie/tribune

Editor Eoin Mac Aodha

Design EditorSimon Ward

Chief Sub EditorRúaidhrí O’Connor

Sports EditorColin Gleeson

News EditorJack Cane

Chief NewswriterOwen Priestley

Features EditorsAlan TullyEileen O’Malley

Health & Fashion EditorCaitríona Gaffney

Music EditorRonan Dempsey

Film EditorKaren O’Connell

Photography EditorAisling O’Leary

Distractions EditorBarry Bowen

Contributors:

Stephen & Gary @ Spectator Newspapers,

Eilis O’Brien@ UCD Communications Offi ce,

Rud, Dan, Ross and Dave for their Gaf, Black-

rock Market, 911, Dundrum, Anto Kelly. And to

everyone who supported the paper throughout

the year. You Know It.

NEWS360% of less than 10% of want a White Elephant they know nothing about. We have a look at the College Budget. All the election results plus the truth about the abortion schism in the Union.

DISTRACTIONS16We shoot the breeze with 8Ball, go and see the Shout out Louds, Have a look at fi lm sequels, advise you how to stay safe on your holidays and still had time to take pictures of some dashing men.

REGULARSFAUSTUSEDITORIAL & LETTERSUCD BALLFASHIONTHE TURBINERUD’S WORLD10 THINGS...THE LUNGEDEAR TRIBUNEDOWN THE LINE

89

11162122

23

24

FEATURES10We have two pages of pretty pictures which encapsulate the year rather nicely. We also have a UCD Ball Preview and an analysis of UCD staff and students during the 1916 Rising

Pete Mahon lets loose about ptoential plans to kick UCD out of the eircom league after his side were robbed in Drogheda. Plus we preview the much anticipated Munster Leinster clash.

TRIBOKU

Special Thanks To:

SPORT24

Ben Blake, Alexa Byrne, , Caitrina Cody, Fionn Dempsey, Dan Finn, Leanne Hughes, Sinead Gifford, Laura Greene, Brenda O’Grady, Megan O’Grady, Roisin Jones, David Hammill, Fiona Hedderman, Kingsley Kelly, Jonathon Kilbane, David McLoughlin, Roe McDermott, Deirdre McGuire, Roz Lipsett, Dermot Looney, Kevin Murphy, Sinead Monaghan, Richard McElwee, Elizabeth-Ann Kirwin, PJ Mullen, Brian Niland, Barra O’Fianail, James Redmond, Harry Smyth, Alex Tierney, Gordin Tobin, Mark Walsh, John Walsh

NO. 28 / HARD

1 9 2 82 5 8 4

3 27 6

7 39 4

5 37 5 4 2

5 1 4 6

NO. 29 / HARD

3 1 53 6

1 7 6 26 1 81 2

7 4 85 1 8 9

9 38 9 5

NO. 26 / MEDIUM

2 5 3 6

4 3 6 2 15

5 7 9 2 6 3 43

5 2 8 9 7

6 2 4

NO. 27 / MEDIUM

8 2 4 97 5 6

6 9 41 6

3 9 7 15 2

6 3 92 1 33 7 6 4

NO. 24 / EASY

2 7 9 11 4

3 2 6 79 5 4 2 6 1

6 7 5 1 2 34 6 5

8 76 1 3 9

NO. 25 / EASY

5 1 9 82

3 8 6 53 4 66 4 5 1

3 8 91 8 2 9

29 3 5

20.04.06College Tribune

3NEWS

Result unclear on new Student Centre60% of students have voted in favour of the proposed new student centre.

Despite this, it is not yet clear wheth-

er the referendum has been offi cially

passed as nobody knows if the required

amount of students turned up to vote.

According to the Students’ Union con-

stitution a referendum like this would

need a 10% turnout in order for a quo-

rum to be reached.

2,700 voters went to the polls. 1,204

students voted in favour of the new Stu-

dent Centre while 793 voted against

amending the constitution to accommo-

date the proposed new Student Centre.

A total 80 votes were spoiled.

According to Returning Offi cer, Mor-

gan Shelley, “To be a valid policy refer-

endum, 10% of the membership of the

Union must have voted.

“Over the next week I will be fi nding

out exactly how many members the

Union has. If there are 20,770 mem-

bers or less, then the referendum will be

quorate.”

In accordance with the SU consti-

tution, the membership is calculated

mostly by reference to the number of

students currently registered with the

University who are studying for degrees

and postgraduate diplomas recognised

by the NUI.

“The value of being quorate is that

the referendum policy would be binding

on all offi cers of the Union indefi nitely.

Otherwise it is just a once-off plebiscite,

which measures the views of the mem-

bers on a particular date.”

Karen O’Connell, 2nd Arts, set up a

‘No’ Campaign opposing the changes to

the Constitution. “I felt so strongly over

the fact that there was no consultation

with students, which is why I made the

effort to give a voice to those who weren’t

in favour of the new Student Centre.”

“Considering this new Student Centre

will be fi nanced by students they should

have a lot more say in how their money

is being spent.”

The ‘No’ side urged students, “If you

don’t know, vote no.” A slogan which

proved successful in the Arts block,

where the ‘No’ side won by a clear ma-

jority.

“No decision has been made as of yet

because Morgan Shelley has to estab-

lish whether or not the quota for turnout

was reached, but I’m happy with how

the ‘No’ Campaign went.”

“The ‘No’ side got lots of support

and I’m really grateful to everyone who

voted and helped with the campaign.”

O’Connell continued.

The ‘Yes’ Campaign in favour of the

new Student Centre was headed by

Gregg O’Neill, chair of the Societies

Council.

Dominic O’ Keeffe, manager of the

student centre project approached

O’Neill and asked him to get a campaign

team together to promote the new stu-

dent centre.

O’Neill enlisted the help of the audi-

tors of the University’s two largest socie-

ties, Simon Wilson of the C&E and Ross

Maguire of the L&H.

Speaking to the College Tribune,

O’Neill revealed that he was very happy

with a result that showed that 60% of

students that voted did so in favour of

the new Student Centre.”

“Reaching quorum is important in

terms of Union policy, but I’m quite con-

fi dent that quorum will be established in

favour of the ‘Yes’ vote.”

According to O’Neill, “There is a grow-

ing need for extra space and facilities to

accommodate the student societies and

clubs in UCD.”

O’Neill cited examples of the Arts

Services not facilitating student activi-

ties,

“The Jazz Soc were not able to hold

their AGM because Arts Services didn’t

want to host the event for the sake of it.

There were rooms available but Serv-

ices wouldn’t let them have a room.”

According to O’Neill it is the smaller

societies that are suffering and the new

student centre would help sustain and

promote them.

“Dance Soc were forced to close this

year because they had no venue to hold

dance classes or rehearsals. They were

prohibited from using the Sports Centre

because they were not a sports club,

and only clubs are allowed use the facili-

ties in the Sports Centre.”

“The smaller societies are suffering

and there has been an increase in simi-

lar situations, this is why we feel that a

new student centre is necessary.

“There are less and less facilities and

rooms available. This will only get worse

as the student population of UCD rises.

With more evening classes, there will be

fewer rooms available at night time for

smaller societies to hold social events in

the academic buildings

“The new Student Centre will be run

for students by students and this was

part of the conditions of my backing the

‘Yes’ Campaign. Student control was an

absolute condition.”

The referendum was necessary to al-

ter the Student Union Constitution due

to the increase of the Student levy which

will pay for the new Student Centre.

White Elephant? 60% vote yes for the new Student Centre

CAITRIONA GAFFNEY

9>EDITORIAL


NEWS

Inhumane funding for Humanities

When it comes to College funding Humanities students fare consider-ably worse than their counterparts with the College of Arts and Celtic and the College of Human Sciences receiving just 13% of total funding.

According to the 05/06 Budget seen

by the College Tribune, the majority

of funding went to practical subjects

with the College of Life Sciences and

the College of Engineering, Maths and

Physical Sciences combining to receive

37% of all college funding.

The money allocated to Business

and Law also felt short with just 6%

going to the future lawyers and busi-

nessmen of the country.

UCD received 61% of their fund-

ing from the government, amounting

to €241million. Total college income

came to €394million with Research

income, Non-residential companies,

conference and commercial activities,

other ancillaries and other projects con-

tributing to this. (See table)

A total of €68 million was received

for research.

The Sciences were rolling in it once

again as The College of Life Sciences

which includes Medicine, Veterinary

science and Chemistry, took in the vast

majority of research funding with 57%

or €38million.

With the other practically minded

College, the College of Engineering

Maths and Physical Sciences bringing

in 25% of total research funding, at just

over €17million.

Once again the humanities failed to

bring in the cash with the College of

Arts and Celtic studies getting a mea-

gre 1% of total research funding while

their counterparts in the College of

Human Sciences did marginally better

with 5%.

The College of Business and Law

also failed to impress, receiving the

same 1% as their more literary minded

counterparts in Arts.

The combined amount of govern-

ment funding received by the College

of Engineering, Maths and Physical

Sciences and the College of Life Sci-

ences superseded all the other Col-

lege’s, despite the fact that they have

less students.

Together, the two Science based

Colleges received 35% of all govern-

ment allocated funding or €88 million.

The College of Business and Legal

and the College of Human Sciences

received a combined total of 21% or

€43million.

Once again the College of Arts and

Celtic studies came dead last, getting

just 8% of all research funding.

One of the benefi ciaries of the budg-

et was President Hugh Brady, whose

offi ce got a 61% increase in govern-

ment allocated funding.

The Presidents Office received

€712,000 more than they did in

04/05.

17% of Total State Funding6% of Total Research Funding13% of Total Budget

nnn

Funding for Humanities(Arts & Celtic Studies, Human Sciences)

Sources of Income 05/06

*Source: UCD Budget 2005/6

Total Income: € 394mEOIN MAC AODHA

Humanities come last in College fundingn

13% of the total College budget was allocated to Humanities

4 20.04.06College Tribune

€1.00Off any large fresh

Fruit juice or Smoothie

On presentation of this voucher expires

end May ‘06

A potentially bitter and divisive referendum could be on the cards in the next academic year as the war of words over the Students’ Union stance on abortion failed to cool this week.

Education Offi cer Jane Horgan Jones called for clarifi cation on the issue and said, “The only way that we can change the non-directive stance that we have in regards to providing abortion information is by holding another referendum.”

Current Welfare Offi cer and President Elect, Dan Hayden confi rmed that he had placed a motion to council calling for a referendum on the issue.

If passed it would mandate the Union to continue its non-directive stance on providing abortion information as well as mandating the Union to lobby on a na-tional level for the provision of abortion services in the State.

The potential referendum would not mandate the Union to include the contact names and addresses of abortion serv-ices in England.

In addition, Horgan-Jones has pro-posed a motion to council mandating the President and future Presidents to ascertain the legality of providing solicited (legal) abortion material in SU publica-tions before a referendum takes place.

Under a 1993 referendum the SU

is mandated to provide information on abortion services both verbally and in SU publications.

However, Hayden maintains that due to a 1995 national referendum it is illegal to print information on abortion clinics and as such the SU cannot have an election on something that is illegal.

Hayden also claims that if the SU were to print such material they would open themselves up to legal proceedings and could lose all the facilities they have worked so hard to get.

This was however, countered by Edu-cation Offi cer Jane Horgan Jones, who made the information available be plac-ing it one her offi ce door, “Any ridiculous scaremongering about ‘losing everything’ should be seen exactly for what it is, completely unsubstantiated and unre-searched rubbish.”

“There’s no chance whatsoever that we could lose any shops, bars, offi ces etc.

“I cannot be sued over this matter. Only the DPP can bring any action against me. Therefore, there is no chance of the Union paying ‘damages’ .You don’t pay damages to the state if they prosecute you.

“The maximum fi ne we can receive is €2,000. The SU probably spend more than that on posters in a month.”Horgan-Jones also clarifi ed that even if there was a case brought against the SU, “Every pro choice barrister in the State would be fi ghting over the right to repre-sent us for free. In fact, two have already offered.”

The issue arose when Class Reps, Kate O’Hanlon and Darren Cogavin, pro-posed a motion requiring Hayden to fulfi l the mandate of the 1993 SU referendum which states that all information on crisis pregnancy options must be made avail-able by the Union.

The motion was defeated but Horgan-Jones argues that Union policy should still be upheld even if it was voted on 13 years ago.

She insists that the decision made at Council is only an indication of how 20 people of 32 felt at the time of voting, and

that it does not overturn the Union policy that has been in existence for 13 years.

Horgan-Jones opposes 32 class reps having the power to decide whether or not information on abortion services should be available to students. “It is ab-solutely right and proper that decisions by referendum can only be overturned by another referendum.

“I feel responsible to uphold Union policy, even if it falls outside of my brief. I would prefer if Dan [Hayden] would do it, but he won’t, so that’s why I’m doing it. I would prefer if they agreed to put it in the Freshers’ Guide, but they won’t, so that’s why it’s on my door.”

“It’s not good enough that that the in-formation is there in Dan’s [Hayden] of-fi ce. It should be in the Freshers’ Guide, not on my door.”

There is a grey area within the law on the provision of information on abortion. Under the Regulation of Information Act

1995, information on abortion services, including contact numbers for clinics, is not permitted in Ireland by means of pub-lic notices or by unsolicited distribution of books or leafl ets.

However, whether SU Freshers’ Guides come under the act was never resolved by the Supreme Court. It is therefore not illegal for the information to be contained in the Freshers’ Guide.

Horgan-Jones admits, “It is not ex-plicitly legal either, but the principle of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ must apply here.”

Whether the information is legal or not depends on whether a court decides if a Freshers’ Guide is solicited information(requested and therefore legal) or un-solicited information (un-requested and therefore illegal).

There is a case for it being solicited, as the information was requested by members of an organisation, and thenput into a publication which is not posted to people, but people choose to take.

On the other side there is also a case for it being unsolicited material as peo-ple who are picking up the guide don’t automatically know if there is abortion information in it. This side argues that in order for it to be solicited every student will have to have asked for abortion ma-terial.

One possibility is for the SU to print a separate pamphlet detailing all abor-tion material to be left at Welfare stations around campus. It is likely that such a pamphlet would be considered solicitedmaterial.

It seems that the only way to fi nd outfor sure whether the guides are deemed solicited or unsolicited would be for UCDSU to print and distribute the guides containing clinic addresses, though not to advertise or promote them, and for UCDSU to be prosecuted and only then could the courts make a judgement.

Abortion referendum looms Will decide if SU continues non-directive stancen

CAITRIONA GAFFNEY

5NEWS20.04.06College Tribune

NEWS

Finance Offi cerA “very happy” Stephen Quinlivan defeated outgoing offi cer Eugeniya Kazakova to become SU Finance Offi cer.

Taking 55% of the vote, Quinlivan

put his victory down to the big votes

in Quinn and Roebuck in his favour as

well as the fact that he was well known

outside the Students’ Union.

The new Finance Offi cer was also

quick to hit back at the naysayers who

felt he only wanted the job to improve

his CV.

“I’ve no previous experience of the

Union and a lot of people were sceptical

of my candidacy, that I was only doing

it for career reasons but I’m genuinely

interested in the Union and students.”

Outgoing Finance Offi cer and losing

candidate Eugeniya Kazakova stated

that she was “sentimental” but ultimately

happy with the campaign she ran.

Kazakova went on to say that herself

and her opponent had raised the bar of

what was expected from a candidate

for Finance Offi cer, particularly in the

professionalism of their manifestos.

Stephen Quinlivan is also running for

auditor of the B and L Society.

Women’s Offi cerThe Students of UCD have a new Women’s Offi cer in the form of Carol-Anne Rushe who raced to victory with 52% of the vote.

Speaking after the vote Rushe was

“over the moon, really, really delighted”.

She also stated “I tried my best and

can’t wait for the year ahead.”

Decisive victories in Arts and Quinn

were enough to overturn a defeat in the

Science block for Rushe to win by 345

votes out of 1,871 valid votes.

When asked about her opponent Lin-

da Phelan, who took 33% of the vote,

Rushe felt “She didn’t really show much

presence.”

Speaking about plans to replace the

role with an Equality and Gender Offi cer,

the Women’s Offi cer elect said that she

was “100% behind the role. Everyone

needs to be included in and I’m going

to do a lot of gender equality.”

Programme Representatives The Faculties of Arts, Science, and Business and Law have four new representatives with Paul Lynam, Chris Bond, Paddy Rath and Jane Tiernan taking the honours.

Paul ‘Dessie’ Lynam topped the pole

in the two seater Arts constituency with

a 33% share while Chris Bond came in

second, after transfers, with 23% of the

total valid pole.

Over in the Business and Law faculty

outgoing B and L society auditor Paddy

Rath blitzed all challengers with a whop-

ping 69%.

While in Science Jane Tiernan took

54% to win easily.

The roles of Programme Offi cer were

created in March when three consti-

tutional amendments were passed,

however a certain amount of ambiguity

surrounds what powers the offi cers will

have and what their roles will be.

B and L offi cer, Paddy Rath recog-

nised this but said “I’m going to provide

representation for my school and work

off my manifesto, promote awareness

of the Union and represent Class Reps

in executive”

This was echoed by the new Science

offi cer, Jane Tiernan who said “it’s un-

known territory. I’m going to work from

my manifesto.”

New Arts Offi cer Chris Bond seemed

to be in agreement with his colleagues

stating “I promise to use the new posi-

tion to implement every promise I made

in my manifesto.”

While Bonds’ colleague in Arts, Paul

Lynam, said “there are a lot of chal-

lenges but I’m very ambitious.”

IT and Communications Offi cerGary Redmond managed to ward off the challenge of Re-Open-Nomina-tions to become IT and Communica-tions Offi cer winning with 82% of the vote.

Redmond was “delighted to be able

to do something in the Union next year”

saying “fi nally there’s someone doing

the job with IT skills.”

The new offi cer also felt that plans to

abolish the offi ce were down to failings

on the part of his predecessors stating

“the job is important, the reason they

were going to get rid of it was previous

holders did little and had no IT experi-

ence.”

Qupping after the result, Redmond

said “don’t worry I won’t be running any

referendums!” in deference to this years’

IT offi cer who was the agent for three

moribund constitutional referendums

earlier in the year.

Gary Redmond will also be Manager

of Belfi eld FM next year.

Irish Offi cerThere was no need for a recount last Friday as Donal O’Sullivan took 87%

of the vote to become Irish Offi cer.O’Sullivan declared himself “over the

moon and really happy that everyone

got out and voted.”

Running unopposed the new Irish

Offi cer was nonetheless “scared” of Re

Open Nominations but felt he ran an

effi cient campaign.

Part of the reason for O’Sullivan’s

vigorous campaign was so that “people

would know what I’m on about for next

year.” A year that O’Sullivan claims he’s

“looking forward to, I’m already formu-

lating new ideas.”

On a high: Chris Bond is elected as one of the Programme Offi cers for Arts

EOIN MAC AODHA

Woman’s Offi cer: Carol-Anne Rushe

Finance Offi cer: Stephen Quinlivan

IT & Communications Offi cer: Gary Redmond

Irish Offi cer: Donal O’Sullivan

Programme Offi cers: Paul Lynam, Chris Bond, Paddy Rath, Jane Tiernan

n

n

n

n

n

The results...

Elections (not very)special

The Musical Show have won UCD’s Battle of the Bands.

The Final of the competition was held

last Thursday in the Student Bar and

was one of the major events held by

the Ents offi ce this year in the lead up

to the UCD Ball.

Five bands with various and diverse

styles of music competed for a top

prize of €1000 and the opportunity to

perform at the inaugural UCD Ball this

year. The groups were the Bravest Kid

in School, The Internet, The Musical

Show, Travega and Morning Hush.

The six piece band The Musical

Show, the fi nal act to play on Thurs-

day, came out as winners on the night.

The fi nal was the culmination of fi ve

weeks of heats also held in the SU bar

in January and February of this year.

Over twenty unsigned bands competed

in the various heats with one selected

each week to go on to the fi nal.

The nights were judged by a panel

of eminent members of the music in-

dustry. Record companies were repre-

sented by Ken Allen from Faction/At-

lantic Records and Barry O’Donoghue

of Sony/BMG. The Irish Music Rights

Organisation was represented on the

judging panel by Keith Johnson while

manager of the Blizzards, Justin Mof-

fat, was also on the lookout for new

talent.

The Blizzards themselves are made

up of former UCD students and have

been seen as a domestic success story

being signed recently to Universal and

who will be playing the UCD Ball next

week.

The judging panel was completed by

music journalist Steve Cummins from

Hotpress and Trevor Dietz who books

bands for the Eamon Dorans venue in

Temple Bar.

This year’s Battle of the Bands was a

major departure from previous years in

which there was no opportunity to play

a college ball and the prize fund was

considerably less.

Outgoing Ents offi cer, Anthony Kelly

was delighted with the turnout by UCD

students to support the night. “It was

one of the busiest nights of the year so

far,” said Kelly, “I hope this is kept up

by future Ents offi cers because it has

brought music in UCD up a level. The

prize is fantastic and I think that it gave

incentive for the bands themselves to

play better.”

The Musical Show will be performing

at the UCD Ball alongside Irish heavy-

weights such as Damien Dempsey

and Bell X1 and some up and coming

groups like the Blizzards and Trinity

College’s Porn Trauma.

ALAN TULLY

All Go for Musical Show


FAUSTUSSODOMISING THE PAST,ERASING THE FUTURE

Faustus would like to take this opportunity to tell you all that he

hates you.

This year has been nothing but an abject disappointment for

him. A seminal pit of abject failure. A disgustingly repulsive conglomera-

tion of bile.

In short, shite.

The year started off so weakly, limping into life with a Freshers’ Weak

(sic) so devoid of scandal it almost made Faustus want to expose himself

in the middle of the Freshers’ tent for the widespread titillation of UCD’s

innocent female Freshers’ and the collective ire of Dickie Butler and his

sunglasses.

Somehow he restrained and managed to soldier on, hopeful that once

the societies had garnered their thirty pieces of silver from the unwashed

they would go back to bitching and infi ghting.

Fausuts expected the new gimps from Quinn to duel it out with the

now non existent C&E society. Faustus never thought he’d say this, ever,

but he’s beginning to miss those duplicitious little buggers. After all, they

were always game for a bit of malevolency, something Faustus holds

dear to his heart.

In comparison, Qshock are about as original as a paedophile in a

playground joke.

Over there up on high in the Union, that bastion of representative

politics, the SU have had a year so full of wilful triumphalism Faustus

has ordered a colonic irrigation in the vain hope that he can be purged

of their lies, damn lies.

In fairness, despite persistent back problems, King Jimmy did a great

job of networking. A tireless worker, the bauld Carroll was persistently ar-

ranging meetings and to his great credit was in contact with an awesome

conglomeration of people, entities and potential partners.

Faustus was shocked though to hear that the woeful abuse the inno-

cent President had received during the year had not put him off politics

and if rumours are true then James Carroll will be Chair of the illustrious

KBC next year. It looks like it could be a race of titanicly epic proportions

with persistent murmurings that Justin McAleese, the very son of our

esteemed Uachtarán na h’Eireann, is set to pin the steam train that is

Jimmy back.

As far as Faustus is concerned, nothing would please him more than

to see a strong KBC in UCD, it’s just what student politics need.

While young McAlese has been training under his homegrown acad-

emy at the Aras, Jimmy has jetted out to the Future Leaders of the World

Conference. Seriously,

Poor old Hayden, however, is beginning to feel the collective ire of

the left, for what is surely going to be a fun fi lled hate fest of an abortion

referendum next year.

Anyone attempting to decipher the amount of various facets beware.

Hayden it appears, is pro choice, but not pro choice enough. The hard left

want him to stand up to the man and print the names and addresses but

Hayden is worrying that he’ll have all his toys taken off him if he does.

Watch this space. It’s going to limp, then jog, burst into a sprint of

acidic proportions, explode in a blaze of infi ghting and then limp slowly

off the agenda.

Enjoy

Fausutus could not also help chuckling during

young Chris Bond’s speech at the election

count, he declared Enda ’bridesmaid’

Duffy to be the standard bearer of stu-

dent activism not least in UCD but across

the country.

Any onlookers noting the Duffster com-

plete with sunglasses and beer

can could not but agree.

And as such another boringly

inept year ends, Faustus looks

forward to the same again +

Spuccers.

Going to UCD was the biggest mistake of my life to date. I never had the career orientation of those for whom Medicine is the automatic CAO choice and whose entire life from the seesaw to the grave was mapped out at age 8.

But come the Leaving Cert I had the vaguest of notions of

studying History and Politics in Trinity for some reason. It topped

my CAO list, followed by three similar courses in her Majesty’s

Inner City Polytechnic and a couple in DIT and DCU. UCD came

ninth and tenth.

Clearly, my results didn’t work out quite as expected. I began a

course in Social Science the week of the September 11th attacks

on the US. Perhaps the timing was fortuitous in a twisted kind

of way. The subsequent invasion of Afghanistan allowed for a

re-emergence of a shadowed anti-war movement in Ireland.

Combined with the run-up to the 2002 general election, the

space for political discussion and debate in UCD was simul-

taneously tolerant and radical. I wasn’t involved in a

direct political group or organisation but the

rumblings of 01-02 were to be met in a

straightforward way with the formation

of the Campaign for Free Educa-

tion group (CFE) in the summer

of 2002.

Again, I stood on the

sidelines – mostly as a

student journalist with

this paper – as an amal-

gam of left wing groups

and activists set in train

the serious shift in po-

litical concentration for

years to come in the

college.

2002-2003 was a cru-

cial year for student activ-

ism in UCD, perhaps the

most signifi cant in decades.

CFE provided a radical plat-

form for change but benefi ted

from indirect infl uences too. The

split in the UCD Socialist Workers’

Party the previous summer had allowed a

number of activists to move away from the con-

trolling infl uence of that party’s leadership and develop

divergent but intelligent politics with others on the left.

Simultaneously, the growth of UCD’s other Trotskyist Group,

Socialist Youth, along with the actions of Labour Party members

and hosts of non-aligned activists contributed to a left dynamic

rarely so evident in Irish politics. Even on this micro-level the left

were to achieve serious results.

CFE succeeded on both a national and college level, attacking

the scandalously lethargic and downright awful Students’ Union

administration of Aonghus Hourihane and his cronies while tak-

ing direct action at USI protests and affecting a shift to the left

in that organisation.

The threat of fees presented by then Minister for Education

Noel Dempsey – at one time blockaded into the newly-opened

Vet Building by CFE – fostered a mood of real anger amongst

ordinary students towards both the government and their own

feckless union.

The landscape was overshadowed by the threat of war in Iraq

and UCD activists were involved at all levels of anti-war activism.

There was direct action at Shannon and protests all over Dublin,

including a sit-down protest in front of the Dáil on Day X – the day

war broke out – comprised almost entirely of UCD students. The

development of Indymedia and the embracing of email groups

allowed better scope for communication and debate.

Confi dence was sky-high and the power of CFE was realised

in the unprecedented swing to the left in the 2003 SU elections.

Three of the fi ve sabbatical offi cers – Paul Dillon (President),

Aidan Regan (Deputy President) and Oisín Kelly (Education

Offi cer) – were prominent CFE activists and swung the balance

of power in the Students’ Union away from Fianna Fáil for the

fi rst time in years.

The story since then has been one of mixed fortunes for the

radical left in UCD. The Students’ Union administration of Dil-

lon, Regan and Kelly was perhaps the most effective in recent

memory; while the ban on the sale of Coke products will be most

remembered (initiated as it was outside of the Students’ Union

administration), there were considerable successes in winning

better conditions for Nurses and Physiotherapists.

Radiographers, for so long ignored by Students’ Union admin-

istrations, were given support in their campaign against com-

pulsory prayer seminars, one of the greatest scandals in recent

times in Irish third level education.

There were innovative campaigns against library cutbacks

– a thousand students taking part in four separate occupations

of libraries in Belfi eld and Earlsfort Terrace – and

welfare campaigns were brought to a new

level by a Welfare Offi cer, Jennifer

Allen, perceived to be on the

right.

The overall ethos of that

Union was one of hard

work, action from be-

low and better com-

munication. For the

fi rst time UCD saw

an Access Week,

a Green Week,

mass attendance

at the USI 10K

charity walk and

involvement by

the Union in Anti-

Deportation activ-

ism.

The landslide elec-

tion of Fergal Scully in

2004 was seen as a seal

of approval from the student

body in a radical, active, cam-

paigning type of Students’ Union.

But the subsequent victories of James

Carroll and Dan Hayden mark a return to the old

type of Union which sees the college authorities and government

as unquestionable partners and the Union as little more than a

service provider. So where now for the left?

The successes of 2002-03 were brought about by a mixture

of a radical background and sustained action by groups of ac-

tivists working together. There are key lessons the left in UCD

can learn from these victories and move towards rebuilding a

student movement in UCD.

The ingredients for change include a conscious effort to move

away from sectarianism; all victories have been won by progres-

sive activists coming together.

Moving away from the keyboard wars of ucdsu.net and onto

actual activism, meeting students where they are with sustained

campaigns is crucial. Continuing action outside the narrow prism

of UCD politics is vital too, linking with other activists around

the country to reclaim USI and establish grassroots campaigns

outside the USI structure.

Infl uence within the Union can come with a broad election

platform in elections to UCDSU Council this coming October.

Infl uence in UCD outside the Union can come with support for

staff alienated by Brady’s corporate project and in supporting

the independent media.

2002-03 can’t be repeated, nor should it be. But the new

generation of activists can take heart from previous achieve-

ments in building a better, fairer UCD. I won’t be there to see it

but the biggest and best mistake of my life might just continue

for some years to come.

Remembering 2002-03:A Basis for the future

Dermot Looney leaves UCD once and for all with confi dence in future radicalism

FAUSTUS

COMMENT8 20.04.06College Tribune

LETTERSCAN YOU HEAR THE

WHITE ELEPHANT ROAR?There seems to be somewhat of a democratic defi cit in UCD.

Last Wednesday and Thursday students were asked to vote on

whether they were willing to increase the levy to pay for a new student

centre.

The fact that less than an estimated 10% of students actually bothered

to vote demonstrates the apathy of those attending the university.

In reality only a select few get involved in UCD, be it in societies or in

politics. The majority go to their lectures, go on some society nights out

and get little else out of the college.

There is no magic answer to this and many would argue that they

simply don’t want to be involved in UCD, and obviously that is their

privilege.

This apathy does however, tell us something about plans to build a

new student centre.

There simply is no desire for it.

It will serve the few that are already involved in UCD and do little to

incorporate the outside majority.

We are told that there will be student representation on all facets of

planning. But who are these students? Will they be in touch with what

students want, will they actually care what the majority want or will they

be just self interested hacks?

The centre is not a bad idea per se, it is just not needed.

The front page of this paper carried a White Elephant, it did so due to

a belief that the students have no desire for a ridiculous ‘Parliamentary

Style Debating Theatre’, that we already have facilities for showing fi lms,

that Dramsoc do not need to take students money for a new theatre

and that it should not cost 35million to build a practice room for UCD’s

dancers.

This paper has no doubt that the centre will be a success for the few

but it will not serve the masses, the people who will have to pay for it.

The editor of the College Tribune is male and thus does not feel that he is in a position to impose his views on the issue of abortion.

No male will ever have to carry a child, wanted or unwanted and as

such is not in a position to lecture their views on abortion.

Let us remember that nobody enters lightly into an abortion. Let us

not cast everybody who falls into the wide pro-choice category as mur-

derers.

Likewise let us not cast everyone who falls into the equally wide pro-life

category as right-wing zealots.

In the last number of weeks, the issue has once again boiled over

as the Education Offi cer placed the contact details of Abortion clinics

in England on her door. As the Welfare Offi cer is mandated to do by a

1993 referendum.

This paper would not be so presumptuous as to enforce its views on

this matter to the students of UCD.

It is proposing however, and as a matter of urgency, that a referendum

is held in the fi rst term of next year to decide what the students want.

In addition, every effort must be made to ascertain what exactly con-

stitutes solicited material and whether the Union can legally produce a

pamphlet containing all information on abortion.

Let us remember that not every woman would be comfortable asking

a male or female Welfare Offi cer of their own age for material.

If the students of UCD want abortion information to be made available

in SU publications this must be accepted and adhered to.

If they do not, then the wishes of the majority must be accepted.

Given the polarised nature of the issue, the campaign is bound to

be emotive but every effort must be made to get the largest amount of

students in UCD election history out to vote.

By doing so, the Union can move on, clear in the knowledge of what

its members want.

E D I T O R I A L

MAKE THE PAPER

ABORTION

9DNFJKFJJ29.1.06

Box 74, Student Centre & LG 18, John Henry Newman Building, Dublin 4

Telephone: 01 - 7168501E-mail: [email protected]

The College Tribune reserves the right to edit all letters. The views expressed on this page are the views of the letter writers and do not refl ect the views of the College Tribune.

Letter from the Editor

I would like to thank the following individuals for their help, support and hard work during the last year.

The entire editorial team of Ronan Dempsey, Caitriona Gaffney, Karen O’Connell, Barry Bowen,Jack Cane, Owen Priestley, Eileen

O’Malley, Alan Tully, Aisling O’Leary, Roe McDermott and in particular Simon Ward and Colin Gleeson for the ridiculously long hours

they put in.

Ruaidhri O’Connor for his invaluable input and awesome high fi ves.

Editors Emeritus, Dan McDonnell, Peter Lahiff, Richard Oakley, Peter McGuire, Paul Lynch and Eoghan Rice for their advice, encour-

agement and sound judgement.

Hugh Doherty for his excellent legal advice as well as Dermot Looney for his great contribution.

Mary and Mairtin Mac Aodha for the use of their home and more importantly their support.

Everybody who advertised with the paper during the year as without your contribution there would have been no paper.

Gary and Stephen in Spectator for putting up with some of our ridiculous demands and providing a scandalously good print job.

Aoife Ni Bhrian and Barry Bowen for organising our fundraiser and anyone who bothers to come.

Every contributor who wrote even one article for the paper and everyone who read even one copy.

Finally, all the friends of the College Tribune, from those who called in with tips for stories, those who knocked in for the banter and

those who were simply there.

It’s never been easy but it’s always been rewarding.

Thank you,

Eoin Mac Aodha

Deputy Editor:The Deputy Editor will be expected to deputise for the Editor

whenever they may be unavailable. Responsible for working with

the Editor to ensure the smooth running of the newspaper. Will

be expected to read all articles to ensure a high standard. Will be

required to attend production weekends every second week, where

there could be highly unsociable working hours.

Advertising Manager:The advertising manager will be responsible for seeking adver-

tisements to fund the newspaper. It is a position that would be

incredibly benefi cial to anybody looking to follow Marketing as a

career path. This will involve part-time work during the summer and

throughout the academic year. The work entailed can be carried

out from the College Tribune offi ce where all phone calls will be

paid for.

Design Team:Knowledge of Quark/Adobe Indesign is benefi cial but full training

will be provided. All interested applications are encouraged

News Editor:Responsible for researching, delegating and structuring the news

section in conjunction with the Editor. The News Editor should

be curious about the college and the way it functions. It will be

necessary to investigate and explore all potential news stories,

and to prepare a bank of smaller stories in the case of a bigger

story falling through. It will also be essential for the News Editor

to attend Student Union Council every week.

Features Editor:The Features Editor is charged with devising and suggesting

original and innovative articles. Is required to research articles

and talk to the relevant people when writing articles. Regular

meetings with contributors are also a critical component of the

Features section.

Music Editor:Responsible for distributing albums for review, obtaining inter-

views and compiling interesting features in the section. Will work

in conjunction with the relevant record companies.

Arts Editor:Charged with the maintenance of a section that will include books

and fi lm. Will be expected to ensure that there is at least one book

review and four fi lm reviews in every edition of the paper. Also

must ensure that are suffi cient interviews and features throughout

the section.

Sports Editor:Responsible for organizing the Sports Section. This involves

researching upcoming events and matches while liaising with the

Sports Offi ce. Also expected to obtain suffi cient interviews, while

compiling sports features and news.

Health and Fashion Editor:Charged with overseeing the section with new and interesting topic

for every edition. Topics should be related to students.

Photo EditorResponsible for obtaining photographs for the newspaper. Will be

expected to work in conjunction with the Design Editor.

The College Tribune would also welcome anybody who wishes

to take photographs. This is an excellent opportunity for candidates

to build a portfolio and gain excellent experience.

The Editorial Team is a crucial component of the paper and all members will be expected to attend fortnightly Editorial meetings. All positions provide excellent experience and portfolio opportunities. The College Tribune is a proven step-ping-stone towards a career in journalism and the national press. All members will be in charge of fi lling the pages of their respective section and will be expected to voice an opinion on all sections of the paper in order to ensure progression. Candi-dates interested in all positions should send their applications, which should include a short proposal of ideas they have for their position plus an attached portfolio of previous work to the address below, or alternatively drop into the College Tribune Offi ce beside the Trap in the basement of the Arts Block.

Closing date for all applications is Friday May 26th at 5pm. All applicants will be interviewed.Colin GleesonMailbox 74Students CentreUCDBelfi eld

9EDITORIAL20.04.06College Tribune

REVIEWYEAR IN

YEAR IN REVIEW

“The carpet was black, it smelled like urine, there was writing on all the walls from fl oor to ceiling and on the cabinets, there were holes in the walls and the front door was gone.” Josh Kimball, sub-let his apartment to Irish Students who then absolutely wrecked it.“Sure Daniel Wang, he’s a bit of a living legend” UCD Student Union President James Carroll response to the revelation that Daniel Wang was a fi ctitious character

10

“If there’s a leak in the roof in Roebuck, students don’t care if I’m left or right, up or down, black or white, gay or straight as long as the roof is fi xed” UCD Student Union President James Carroll shares his political ideology with the College Tribune “That the president of one of the biggest universities of Ireland could have such an unbelievable lack of manners” Former Lord Mayor Cllr. Dermot Lacey rails against President Hugh Brady

From left to right: UCD make history to win consecutive Leinster titles, John C.McGinley has a chat, Sports Bar gets sent off and we interview Westlife, the highlight of the College Tribune’s long and illustrious career. The Student Co-Op which aimed to end the rip-off by selling cheap tea and coffee and an irate porter in Dun Laoghaire Rathdown during a protest calling for the centralisation of grants.


Do You LikeSmall Balls?

Small BallFundraiser

18th EmpireAlan TullyDermot LooneyThe Aristocrats

11YEAR IN REVIEW

“Unlike our friends who you’ve just seen there, the rest of us don’t live in a time warp anymore.” Minister for Justice Michael McDowell’s witty response to UCD students protesting at his presence in the College

“We’re just good friends, bit of snoggin, fl oggin, loggin down in Sallynoggin.” Dustin the Turkey explains his relationship with Today FM Presenter Jenny Kelly

“Hugh Brady thinks that everything in the world should make a profi t. UCD should not be there to make profi t it should be there to educate,

and the Vet Faculty, they should be there to train clinicians.” A former UCD academic highlights just one of the problems encountered by the Vet faculty

From left to right; A fi ght during the Freshers’ Ball, UCD gets a swanky and expensive new crest and scenes from the SU elections where Dan Hayden is elected President and all the campaign teams hustle for those last few votes. Stephen Kenny, Clive Delaney, Tony McDonnell and Pete Mahon pose with the League cup before UCD’s two-one loss to Derry in the fi nal while James Carroll leads an SU boycott of an exam in Science


On the 90th anniversary of the 1916 Rising thousands marched to celebrate it, Ged Walsh, analyses the insurrection and the involvement of UCD students and staff, noting that student apathy is nothing new

FEATURES

David Trimble, in his 1992 pamphlet, asked why the revolt in 1916 was called a rising and not a rebellion. He suggests that it was to do with the ultramontane Catholic Church. I suggest that it was because of the amount of UCD. students that took part. Rising and students do not go together.

We must go back to 1913 to illus-trate the point.

In January 1913 the Ulster Volun-teer Force was founded to protect Ulster from Home Rule which they saw as Rome Rule. This was the fi rst Fascist force in modern Europe. It was formed to subject the demo-cratic majority. In Ulster at the time there were 17 Nationalist MP’s to 16 Unionist.

Sir Edward Carson, one of the chief organisers of the U.V.F. was MP for Trinity College at the time.

In November of that year the Irish Volunteers was formed at a meeting in the Rotunda. The enthusiastic stu-dents marched from 86 St. Stephens Green to the meeting to join up. Meanwhile the I.R.B. (Irish Republi-can Brotherhood) was active. It was an illegal oath-bound society led by Bulmer Hobson, Sean McDermott, Pat Mc Carton and Tom Clarke.

They needed to become bona fi de. Nothing changes.

They needed an authoritative, credible man. Eoin MacNeill, Profes-sor of Early Irish History in UCD at the time was approached. He, like all good male academics, discussed it with his wife and consented to lead the newly formed Irish Volunteers.

The number of Irish Volunteers in-creased to 129,000 by May 1914.

The I.R.B. recruited from their ranks and started training camps.

Offi cially, UCD was in a sticky po-sition. The King was still funding the college yet some of the staff and stu-

dents had strong Nationalist views. A strong college corps was trained in the Count Plunkett estate in Crumlin by Capt. Robert Monkeith ( who later landed with Sir Roger Casement in Co. Kerry).

At this time, other members of the staff and student body had volun-teered for service with His Majes-ties forces. By the end of 1916, 450 had donned the British uniform. The idealism and heroism of these men has been shamefully neglected;over-looked by our parochial jingoistic leaders.

Professor of Political Economy at the time was Tom Kettle and he typifi ed the attitude with the lines he wrote before the Battle of the Somme September 4th 1916.

“Know that we fools, now with the foolish dead Died not for fl ag nor King nor Emperor But for a dream born in a herds-man’s head And for the secret Scripture of the poor”

He too died for Ireland. Meanwhile, in the Irish volunteers

the inevitable split was beginning. MacNeill saw the volunteers as

a guarantee to freedom and self-government. For him the volunteers were the national army of a political movement. He did not want to alien-ate the Unionists.

After the war he foresaw 150,000

trained men coming back to Ireland to support his ideal.

Pearse, Plunkett and MacDonagh felt that England’s diffi culty was to Ireland’s advantage and there should be a rebellion.

Thomas MacDonagh was Assist-ant Professor of French in U.C.D.until just before the Rising.

In that fateful Easter week of 1916, and indeed before it, MacNeill was kept in the dark about the plans for a rebellion.

Early in Easter week a document

known as the ‘Castle Document’ was shown to MacNeill. It stated that the Irish Volunteers were to be sup-pressed and the leaders arrested. MacNeill was furious and put the vol-unteers on alert and to resist with force if required. This document was forged by Plunkett and McDermot but it had the desired effect.

On Easter Saturday morning Mac-Neill learned that a rebellion was planned for Sunday, he also learned that a German boat which had Sir Roger Casement and arms on board

had been captured. He decided that mobilisation should not take place. Orders for this were issued through-out the country.

On Sunday a meeting was held by the I.R.B. in Liberty Hall. They de-cided the rebellion should go ahead on Monday. Of course the rebellion would be confi ned to Dublin. Pearse was to have a ‘bloody protest for a glorious thing’.

In all, 64 Volunteers, Irish Citizen Army and Fianna were killed during the rebellion. 14 were executed af-terwards.

20 students took part in the rebel-lion depsite an enthusiastic march in 1913 with 350 participants. The lack of staying power in UCD students is not new.

Ged Walsh is a local histo-rian and a former UCD student

n

Eoin Mac Neill: Professor of Early Irish History in UCD at the time of the rising

UCD & 1916

Students and Staff Involved...Eoin MacNeill,

Professor of Early Irish History. Tomas MacDonagh

Assistant Professor of French. Patrick Pearse

Lectured in Irish in 1908

n

n

n

Among the Students Involved:Joseph Sweeney, John Joyce, Conor & Eunan McGinley, Eamon Balfe, Frank Burke, Brian Joyce, Fergus Kelly, Desmond Ryan, Peter Slattery, John Kilgallon, John Dowling, Dan McLoughlin, Jim Ryan, Joe Thunder, Joe & Frank Murray.


THE UCD BALL14 20.04.06College Tribune

a

There has always been one thing that Trinity College has been able to lord over UCD, The Trinity Ball. For many years while we have been sitting in a horse stable in the RDS, slaving away at exams and missing the fi rst rays of summer, our Trinity cousins have been having a really big drunken, messy, sweaty party.

Finally the SU have paid at-tention to the fact that students have a penchant for dressing up like James Bond characters and dancing to Fat Boy Slim or Ry-oksopp, and they have this year entered the market.

This week the fi rst ever UCD Ball is to be held on campus and it may be just at the right time.

The Trinity Ball, which was threat-ened with extinction a few years ago is now run by private promoters MCD and ticket prices have inevitably risen.

In previous years the UCD students had to blag tickets for the Trinity Ball off friends and now as a cheaper and hope-

fully superior alternative we can trash UCD at the end of the year instead.

The line up for this year’s event is of the highest quality from the Irish music industry to be spread over three stag-es. Damien Dempsey and Bell X1 will be the headliners and along with acts like the Bliz-zards, Director, Porn Trauma and Repub-lic of Loose. Most of these bands are go-ing to on the festival

circuit this summer so we will get the best of Oxygen and Electric Picnic for €60.

These balls always offer plenty to see and do. Perhaps you might fi nd love, or at least a fi lthy feel up of a fresher behind the Ag Science building. Alter-natively you can go fi nd the people who gather around the fringes of the event doing drugs and later to collapse in a heap in the middle of the dance tent only to wake up later fi nding the party is over and everyone else had piled plastic pint glasses on top of them.

How about organising a dance-off? Or maybe it would be novel to try and instigate a riot during Damien Demp-sey’s set?

In the end though everyone pretty much ends up legless drunk and with a

costly dry-cleaning bill the next morning.

Bring on the Ball.Alan Tullyn

Despite the professionalism that pervades both the music and performances from Director, a humorous realism and sense of modesty endears them as refreshingly attentive and earnest interviewees.

“[O]n a message board, people were tabbing out our songs and then of course Eoin [Aherne, lead guitar] tried to give them some pointers and gave them the wrong key.”

They are an interesting band; rela-tively unknown, they signed to Atlantic records early last year (“…the staff are quite small so it’s almost like, dare I say it, like an Indie label. It’s not one-way, kind of orders sent down”) and appeared on the new band stage at the Oxegen festival (“It was cool, we enjoyed it”).

Since supporting Hard-Fi on their recent UK tour they have been busy recording their debut album, which is provisionally due for release by early next year. They involve themselves in every facet of their work, including the treatment of the video for their debut single, ‘Reconnect’ and the accompa-nying artwork.

Now, with the launch imminent (21st April), they are preparing themselves to complement it with the inevitable spate of live shows, including an ap-pearance at the UCD Ball this Friday.

Unassuming and polite, Michael Moloney (vocals/guitar) and Rowan Averill (bass) frequently fi nish and sup-plement each other’s sentences in an impressively cohesive manner.

They date Director’s origins back as far as their school days, which goes some way towards explaining the pol-ished and experienced air surrounding everything they do.

“I guess we’ve been together for a long time in different forms, we all went to school together” explains Michael, “…apart from Shea [Lawler, drums]…” Averill adds quickly as he continues, “…so we would have been playing together in some form or another. I guess it’s only been in the last two/three years maybe that we’ve been playing as Director”

The single itself exhibits a maturity in song writing that belies their rela-tively short time in the music industry and well deserves the enthusiastic re-sponse it has already met with since it appeared on national radio in the last few weeks.

Listening to it, the fi rst thing that strikes you is its subtlety: the slight-est of fi lls on the drums, the lightest of touches on the guitar, the driving bass and the catchy melody all mould into a song that is not so much hook fi lled as a complete hook in itself.

As the main songwriter, Moloney is

ambivalent about the question of infl u-ences. “[T]here wouldn’t be one band that we’d always be striving towards. That’s what would colour the music. I’d listen to Steely Dan, or Moloko and I’m a big fan of Randy Newman, which defi nitely infl uences the song writing. You could say the Strokes infl uence our music because they have guitars.”

They aren’t in strict agreement that their apparently swift success in sign-ing to a major label was in any way special. Moloney points out that while other bands would get out on the road and hone their skills and songs through

testing them live, Director were con-cerned with perfecting their sound be-fore presenting it.

“I guess we wouldn’t have played a lot of gigs earlier on; we just spent a lot of time in rehearsal just working on songs, which I think is the most im-portant thing, not that the live shows aren’t important, we didn’t exactly play a torrent of gigs.”

Looking ahead to the busy future Moloney is accepting and optimistic; “I think there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing…we’re defi nitely at a stage where we’re just learning how it is.”

Averill, on the other hand, has an ur-gent message. “I remember we played the front square in TCD. We came in and there was water all over the stage. We were like ‘eh, are you sure this is safe?’ So we had to get mops from the canteen and mop it down. So tell them that, in UCD, get mops.”

Director will be playing on the Pit Stage at the UCD Ball and new album Reconnect is out on the 21st. Check them out at http://www.myspace.com/directormusic

A beginners guide...

DirectlyEntertainingMichael Moloney and Rowan Averill of new band Director talk to Ronan Dempsey about making their own videos, doing their own artwork, and cleaning their own stages.

THE UCD BALL 1520.04.06College Tribune

Bus it to the BallBarra Ó’ Fianail talks to Damien Dempsey, one of the headline acts at the upcoming UCD ball about busking, colonialism and Celebrity Jigs and Reels

A couple of drunken UCD students stagger along Dublin’s Grafton Street. It’s a cold, dark night and they’re heading towards a club they’re far too drunk to get into. One of them makes a mad grasp for a busker’s guitar, before running off after his mate, laughing at his own genius. The busker though, is well used to it, and shrugs the incident off with a knowing nod to Paddy Casey, who is plying his trade not far off.

“Times were tough” when Damien Demp-sey’s was starting out as a young busker, there were “no Meteor awards back then. From about fourteen onwards I was singing.” Although when asked if people where listen-ing back then he jokes “no, not really. It took a while.”

It was hard for Dempsey to get a break because he doesn’t necessarily fi t the Louis Walsh, boy band mould. “When I was com-ing up, the industry and charts were kind of swamped, and you really couldn’t get a look in. Pop music and manufactured bands had the whole thing swamped. I felt a bit angry because of this, so I wrote a few songs to get it off my chest.

“Nowadays I think it’s changed a bit, artists like myself are just making our own albums, because it’s so easy to record an album at home now. I think that’s a good thing, it’s empowering artists like me, people who big

record companies wouldn’t necessarily give a deal to because your not going to make mil-lions of pounds over-night.”

Things have certainly gone well for the Dub-lin artist who now has three Meteor awards under his belt, and whose most recent album ‘Shots’, has gone to platinum after entering the Irish album charts at number one.

Damien however, whose primary mode of transport is still the bus, is keeping his feet well and truly on the ground. “For me, it’s not really about winning awards although it’s nice that a lot of people voted for me. If I never sold another album I’d still be doing what I’m doing. The music, for me, is a necessity.”

He’s clearly very appreciative of the success he’s had. When asked if the fame and all its trimmings sat well with him, his clear under-standing of how lucky he has been is refresh-ing. “I don’t mind it. There are a lot worse things I could be doing. My family owns a motor place; they’d be under a car eight hours a day. I ap-preciate not having to work as hard as that.”

Clearly an artist of some depth, he tries to “look at a situation and document it with a song. If I feel strongly about something I’ll speak out against it. That’s what the musicians I was into done, like Christy Moore, Sinead O’Connor, Luke Kelly and Bob Marley. They spoke out against things they felt were wrong. That’s who I’d look up to, they were my teach-ers. I’d consider myself a pupil of these great artists.”

Dempsey’s recent album includes a song called ‘colony’, which critically documents his-torical colonialism but he is more than aware of its contemporary relevance. He feels “it’s still going on today, in Afghanistan, Iraq, Lebanon and Palestine. Those people are sort of being colonised now.

“I felt it was relevant that history was repeat-ing itself, and there are lessons to be learnt from the past, our past mistakes. You can’t be going around to other people’s land and just taking it from them, and killing them then if they try to stand up.”

Also, with songs like ‘Party on’ and ‘Not on your own tonight’, Dempsey is trying to bring a positive message to his audi-ence. He admits that “so many people come up to me, and say these songs have gotten them through some hard times in their lives. I think music can get you through some hard times in your life. I feel I have something to say to the kids, something true you know, in the lyrics.

“Other songs used to help me through hard times so I’d like to think that I was doing the same for other people now, the younger kids.”

Despite his confi rmed celebrity status, Damien wasn’t too sure about commit-ting himself to something like ‘Celeb-rity Jigs and Reels 2’, “I often make a fool of myself dancing around in night clubs but I don’t know about doing it in front of a camera.”

Although the prospect of a good looking female tutor makes Dempsey reconsider “well, maybe with a few pints on me. I’d need the bit of Dutch courage though.”

However, you won’t have to wait to see him as RTE’s next dancing sensation. He’ll be one of the headlining acts at the UCD ball this week. He’s fond of the college, and thinks his past gigs here “were brilliant, some great gigs. It’s defi nitely part of the reason I decided to come back. I can’t wait.”

Damien Dempsey will play the UCD Ball on April 27 and his new live album is out this June

Other songs used to help me through hard times so I’d like to think that I was doing the same for other people now, the younger kids

MUSIC

One of the permanent fi xtures of

Wednesday nights in Pravda on Liffey

Street over the last year is a manic

suit and bowl hat wearing American

getting the crowds pumped up for

Dublin’s latest musical hopefuls.

Keiron Black has been running the

‘King Kong Club’ night since April 2005

with the aim of providing a public plat-

form for anyone capable of strumming

a few chords, beating a drum or hitting

two spoons together in time.

“We deck Pravda out with decorations

and we play the original King Kong fi lm

on the screen with free bananas for eve-

ryone. You can steal one and have it at

breakfast the next morning, for potassi-

um, you know? We have a clap-o-meter

that measures applause, so obviously

the more friends you bring the better

chances you have of winning,“ says the

MC. He then offers a few good reasons

to get involved.

“The winner gets €100 and a chance

to compete in the fi nal for a great prize.

Last year Heather Thompson won and

she got to play the Speigeltent and

headline in Pravda for the Hard Work-

ing Class Heroes Festival and she got to

record at Westlane Studios,” enthuses

Keiron.

“This year we have most of that and

we have a couple of new ideas. The

winner in August would get to play at

Electric Picnic and we would fi t together

a small record deal for them. Tiger Beer

has been really good to us and usually

funds all the prizes.”

Keiron’s history has been one of a

great journey across America and a life

amid Ireland’s rock n roll subculture over

the last few years. Initially born in New

York and raised in Arizona, he moved

to Seattle at the height of the grunge

period.

“That was hilarious,” Keiron chuckles,

“I turned up there to make music, but I

never even knew that Seattle had such

a big rock tradition. I was just chancing

my arm in a strange city.”

He played a couple of bands, The

New Bohemians in the mid-90s and later

with US college radio favourites Idol

Minds. Now based in Dublin he initially

played solo gigs around the city sup-

porting Matt Lunson and Sack, a band

lauded by Morrissey. Then by a twist of

fate Black became Sack’s bassist.

“One day we were all together doing

one of their press releases. The pho-

tographer from Hotpress asked who I

was and Tony, the drummer, said, ‘this

is Keiron Black our new bass player.’

Apparently that was my audition for

the group. Since then we’ve also got

a second guitarist and there is a huge

backlog of songs we’ve been working

on for about a year.”

Apart from his musical endeavours,

Keiron runs three of Dublin’s most suc-

cessful live music nights of the last

decade.

“Be-

fore the

King Kong

Club we started

with The Sunday

Roast. It’s a night run by

John Brereton, Sack’s guitarist and my-

self. Over the last few years we were

based in Bia Bar. We had some awe-

some nights. We had a 24 hour party

there once with acts playing all day and

all night between the beer garden and

the venue.”

“More regularly though, every Sunday

we have four acts showcased. Some re-

ally big names have been involved like

we’ve had Gemma Hayes, Steve Wall,

Declan O’Rourke, Mundy, Matt Lun-

son, and funnily enough James Blunt

right before his single came out,” he

declares, listing the names along with

up-and-coming singers like Chris Morrin

and James Guilmartin.

“Overall it’s a great night for singers,

bands and the audience and I cook roast

potatoes for a homely effect. When we

did the fi rst few in Spi we had to cook the

spuds at the Hub and run them all the

way up to the venue, but it was worth it.

Nowadays the Sunday Roast is based

in Thomas Read’s on Dame Street. Its

getting bigger and bigger.”

For more information on the nights

email Keiron Black at sundayroast@

hotmail.com and kingkongclub1@

hotmail.com

Music For the People, By the PeopleThe founder of some of Dublin’s most popular live music nights, Keiron Black, talks to Alan Tully about King Kong, the joys of roasting potatoes and being a member of Morrissey’s “favourite band” Sack.

I turned up there to make music, but I never even knew that Seattle had such a big rock tradition. I was just chancing my arm in a strange city


BIN it

DISTRACTIONS FASHION 17 FILM 20 MUSIC 18 HEALTH 21 REGULARS 22 THE TURBINE 24

20>

Film studios won’t hesitate to use the ‘sequel’ as a money making toolTHE GREATEST FILM SEQUELS

‘It’s like finding something pretty in a jar of flies’THE SHOUT OUT LOUDS 19>

Pheilim O Neill / 3 ArtsWhat’s the weirdest item of clothing you’ve seen a girl wearing this year? Girls wearing hobos. / What’s the one fashion trend on girls you just don’t understand? Girls wearing fat. / What’s the one thing you think but would never say to a girl? “Any chance of a tug?”

What Men Really WantYou think you know...but you have no ideaThe College Tribune’s intrepid fashion squad hit the concourse to ask the boys of UCD what they really think of the fairer sex

Josh Delaney / 2 ArtsWhat’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this

year? Tracksuit bottoms tucked into ugg boots. / What

fashion trend on girls do you not understand? Orange

fake tan / What’s the one think you think but would never

say to a girl? “You don’t look as good as you think”

Peter Coonan / 2 ArtsWhat’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wearing this year?

The freaky Science birds on Science Day in their lab coats. / What’s

the one fashion trend on girls you just don’t understand? Girls who

wear a sick amount of make-up. / What’s the one think you think but

would never say to your girlfriend? “I fancy your aul’ one.”

Anto Kelly & Tom FoxWhat’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this year? Tom: A short skirt on a freezing day. Anto: Boxer shorts under a

skirt / What fashion trend on girls do you not understand? Tom: Tanorexia. Anto: Stripes! / What would you like to see girls

wear? Tom: “Nothing.” Anto: “Your ass does look big in that.”

Andrew Nolan / Computer ScienceWhat’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this year?

Granny clothes / What do like to see girls wear? Baggy clothes / What’s the one thing you think but would never say

to your girlfriend? “I fancy your sister.”

BAG it

SHE’S THE MAN Amanda Bynes’ move to the big screen has been a massive success. Check out this hilari-ous movie about a girl who is transformed into her brother so that she can play on the boys’ soccer team. Once again she shows that, de-spite what society would have you would be-lieve, girls really are better than boys (sic).

CROPPED WHITE JACKETSInvest in a cute short jacket cos’ we guarantee you that they’re going to be huge this summer. It’s always nice to see white during the summer and these jackets are perfect for those long hot summer nights.

EXAMSMight as well be positive about the inevitable. The time has come to face up to the truth and get those heads stuck in the books. Get it over and done with now, rather than having to face them again in August.

THE LIBRARYWhat a pain in the face, not only do we now have to queue to get into the horrible library, but with exams fast approaching, now we also have to do about ten laps of the building to find a decent seat. Ugh!!!

THE WEATHERIt’s supposed to be summer! Would it be too much to ask for a full week of non stop sun, no clouds and no rain, just pure sun? Pretty please!

BEBOSeriously, give it up! There is nothing worse than waiting over an hour for a computer because a room full of losers have nothing better to with their time than stalk other people via Bebo.

Do You LikeDo You LikeSmall Balls?Small Balls?

Small BallSmall BallFundraiserFundraiser

STUDENT BARWEDNESDAY 19TH APRIL - 8PM - €5

with...

18th18th Empire EmpireAlan Alan TullyTullyDermot Dermot LooneyLooneyTheThe AristocratsAristocratsSUPPORTED BY

Donnybrook

Liz-Ann Kirwan checks out the Shout Out Louds and hollers back on a veritable musical love-in

19MUSIC20.04.06College Tribune

“It’s a struggle from start to fi nish to get anything. The Arts Coun-cil doesn’t want to know you; it doesn’t fall into their category of funding. The government doesn’t do enough to push Irish music. U2 are the biggest selling band in the world and they’re Irish. There is some great talent here.”8ball’s self-titled debut was tipped as the best Irish album of 2005. It probably was. If you haven’t heard of them, you’re in a huge majority. Irish bands don’t sink without a trace, or crash and burn.

They don’t have the chance. 8ball have had a top 30 hit in the single chart. Their album was eclectic, but so are The Flaming Lips, so are Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Franz Ferdi-nand and many other bands that are currently lighting up the charts and selling boat loads of records.

Why? Why is Ireland, a country with a rich musical heritage unable to push a native band that’s bigger than The Frames. “Irish people stand back, they’re not as responsive to the music. They don’t get behind it as much.”

Drawing from a huge background of music, Drum n’ Bass (the special-ity of their DJ Cormac who walked in to do some remixing and never left)

to pretty much everything else, 8Ball collaborate to build a huge frame for gorgeous organic songs.

However, dissatisfi ed with the re-ception to their album 8Ball will be looking to change their sound. They’ve moved on from their previous contract and are hoping to come “back with a bang” this summer.

They’re booked for Electric Picnic and Bud Rising, and boast a storming live set. The band incorporates sam-ples, DJing, good old-fashioned gui-tars and instrument swapping to cre-ate a sound reminiscent of Gomez and Beck, as well as the Doves or Elbow.As a band in need of recognition, downloading isn’t seen as a problem. It’s a problem for the industry, not for bands. “Bands themselves don’t re-ally make that much out of albums, the money is made out of touring, un-less you’re at a certain level, like say Metallica. They’re at the level where you don’t need the money and they’re bringing Napster to court. The industry still doesn’t have its’ head around it.”Irish music doesn’t need the bands, it has the same number of people plug-ging away on guitars as the UK, yet apart from BellX1, it’s damn hard to see it. What do they have that we don’t? Nothing, except the willing support of

their Government. Irish music isn’t go-ing to solve itself, it doesn’t need to.Compare this to 8Balls response in Germany, where with a lot of hard work they managed to get two gigs to promote Irish music. The clubs (Old Soviet Union Dancehalls!) we’re literally fi lled to the brim with excited

fans. Playing with David Kitt, who they apparently couldn’t get enough of.8Bll can name the single person who gave them all the help from IMRA. The Irish Times gave them the same rating as the Strokes, but the fact is that the Irish Charts count for nothing.

“You don’t make it in Ireland, you

make the hype machine in the UK. Then people fi nd you are from Ireland. You have to build enough support to tour the UK, to make it in Ireland.”

8Balls eponymous album is out now.

(That means self-titled in case you didn’t

know. Ergo their album is called 8Ball, as

are the band)

n

At their recent gig in Whelans, kicking off the BudRising Spring Festival, Swedish band the Shout Out Louds took the gathering by storm. Their fi rst time to play in Ireland; the band were lively, excited and engaged in their performance.

Opening with ‘The Comeback’, the Shout Out Louds went straight for the jugular, animating the audience as they crushed toward the stage in a wall of worship.

Consisting of four boys and one girl, this veritable music machine hurled out song after song with en-ergy and perfect timing.

Lead vocalist Adam Olenius’ unmistakable love-lorn timbre steered the course from one song to the next, including the hits ‘Very Loud’, ‘100°’ and ‘Please Please Please’.

Playing together since 2001, the Shout Out Louds have developed a seamless cohesion that is not false or studied but natural and progressive. This is an extension of the notion that they are working from a basis where the music they play together is the main focus, and not their image, nor their message.

And perhaps that is the message; things should be natural. This certainly comes across. One look between band members and any minor hitch was rectifi ed with the least amount of fuss or fumbling, as the music continued.

Although, there was one point, as Olenius and Ted Malmros (bassist) tried to move their mics closer together, while playing and singing, and it looked like things were going to go awry with a cascade of mi-crophones and cables. But this was deftly avoided, and with evident humour, the show went on.

Fast-paced as this performance was, it exuded a personality of its own. Essentially, a great sense of friendliness emanated from the band themselves which transferred to those listening; like old friends assembled together.

Afterwards, members mingled with the crowd, in some instances almost overwhelmed by over-zeal-ous fans, but for the most part chatty and relaxed, even if Eric Edman (drummer) complained amicably that he was feeling, “a little sweaty” after it all.

Their début album Howl Howl Gaff Gaff, has been described by NME as “the most instantly likeable album of the year” and this could be expanded to include the band itself.

Those in the crowd who were recent devotees were instantly sparkling with a spirit of immense goodwill towards the musicians. One convert re-marked that the evening had been “the best fi fteen euro I have spent in a long time”, and indeed, in a city renowned for exorbitant prices in all areas of commerce, this performance certainly seemed to be a bargain.

But without focusing too much on the fi -nances, the performance itself was a real treat. Professional and yet individual, these friendly tunesters presented a repertoire of songs in which melody is tightly bound and the lyrics are carried to the listener in a purity and simplicity that is all their own.

Their songs in essence relate to a state of love in which there is that recurring fear that one’s love is perhaps unrequited, or that it will be. It is a simple human irration-ality well conveyed, and thus uplifting.

In a time when so many (often un-worthy) bands are lauded as the new-est sound, and the charts are habitually dominated by soulless fabrications, the Shout Out Louds provide a reminder that there are those who can create good music, make listeners happy and remain un-phased by the inevi-table hype that surrounds being in the limelight.

To sum them up, there is no bet-ter way than by quoting their own words? “It’s like fi nd-ing something pretty in a jar of fl ies”.

Pool’ing Resources, ha ha haKingsley Kelly talks to Ken from 8Ball about an out-dated Irish music industry and the diffi culty in bringing new music to fruition.

A Big Loud Shout Out

Strummin: Three guys playing guitar, one guy on a keyboard and another on drums. Combined they are 8Ball ta da

FILMDISTRACTIONS

Movie sequels can be great, they allow us to see more of characters we have grown to love in an origi-nal fi lm, they expand and build on an original storyline, and they allow impractically lengthy stories like The Lord of the Rings to reach the big screen.

However, they can also, and in a lot of

cases do, serve to absolutely sodomise

the original movie.

The question is, overall, are sequels

worth the bother? Obviously the fi lm stu-

dios which make big bucks from even

the crummiest of them would argue that

they are, but what do we enlightened

movie lovers think?

There is a cruel irony which is inex-

tricably linked with our lives, we always

want, and will always want, that which

will make us unhappy. If we don’t have

it we are unhappy because we want it,

and when we get it we inevitably discov-

er that the grass is, ultimately, always

greener on the other side.

Not to get all Sylvia Plathish on you,

this dark ceiling does have a star, all

you have to do is have no expectations

whatsoever, or even better, have awfully

low expectations, and then you won’t be

disappointed. You might have noticed

however, that those things which you do

look forward to, tend in a lot of cases to

end up being, well, rather shit.

In this way movie sequels might be

seen to be rather representative of life

in general, that is, the ones we look for-

ward to generally disappoint us.

The fear which the release of Basic

Instinct 2 has placed in the hearts of

those who loved the original is then, far

from surprising. Although, reservations

aside, you can be sure it will be those

same people who are fi rst in line at the

cinemas to see it.

Although Basic Instinct was probably

a fi lm more suited to home viewing than

a packed cinema.

The fi lm which shot Sharon Stone into

the big league, would, you might think,

hold a particularly sacred spot in the ac-

tress’ heart at least, yet she agreed to

make a second one. While it could be

argued that she may well have wanted

to make this fi lm because of the regard

in which she holds its predecessor the

more cynical, and perhaps more plau-

sible view would be that her motivations

were mainly fi nancial.

Looking at the anecdotal evidence,

there have certainly been a lot of cases

of blatant fi nancial exploitation of good

quality fi lms by way of making a se-

quel, with the sole aim of making more

money.

Take the shockingly shite Cruel Inten-

tions 2, high up in the running for the

worst fi lm of all time.

To actually call the sequel a ‘fi lm’

would be generous, especially after

Cruel Intentions, which offered so much.

It had a group of young actors which

have gone on to prove themselves in

Hollywood, and a script that saw the fi lm

develop a massive cult status following

its DVD release.

Even the soundtrack was impressive

with songs from The Verve, Placebo and

The Manic Street Preachers. Basically,

its clear the project had a lot of effort and

care behind it.

And then came its supposed prequel,

and even the studio from which it came

couldn’t argue that it was anything but

a lazy, excruciatingly limp, waste of reel,

albeit an effective way of making more

money from the original fi lm’s popularity.

Unlike the earlier work, it lacked anyone

in the cast who might loosely be referred

to as an actor, and the ‘script’ may well

have been written by a troubled, gothic,

and wholly untalented teenager.

To be fair, if all sequels were as bad

as that one, they wouldn’t last very long

as a concept as nobody would pay to

see them anymore. Bringing up Cruel

Intentions 2 then, is perhaps unfair

to sequels generally, as it is certainly

scrapping the absolute southern most

point of the barrel.

However, it does illustrate the point

that fi lm studios won’t hesitate to use

the ‘sequel’ as a money making tool. So,

caution is advised and we must handle

these movies with extreme care.

To strain the metaphor to its absolute

limits, those events which we don’t ea-

gerly anticipate, can provide the happi-

est of surprises when they do grab our

attention. Like, for example, bumping

into, and scoring, the entire female cast

of Sin City (Jessica Alba twice).

In the same way movie sequels which

you never really held out much hope for,

because the original didn’t exactly set

your world alight, can pleasantly sur-

prise you.

The use of Final Destination as an

example here may upset a lot of people,

as the original was quite popular.

However, it was intended to be scary

and it wasn’t. Not to be macho, when

it comes to fi lms, this student is a big-

ger bitch than Graham Norton, but it’s

doubtful that fi rst installment had too

many people working away on their fi n-

gernails.

The second installment however, re-

ally managed to have the desired effect.

All pretences of it being a horror movie

were dropped and they went into over-

drive with their exotic methods of killing

off their characters. You tell me you’ve

seen a guy get sliced into three differ-

ent pieces by a fl ying fence before, no,

didn’t think so. The fi lms’ merits can be

quantifi ed by the amount of times those

who have seen it have discussed the

wonderfully gory deaths with their fel-

low fans.

So then, even if the original fi lm was

a little dodgy, the sequel can be pulled

out of the bag. However, such instants

are so rare that they probably wouldn’t

be suffi cient to save the sequel in the

eyes of fi lm fans if they were the only

ones of any merit.

Neither would fi lms which are made

up of one central story but split into more

than one movie in order to make them

practical, save face for the sequel.

One could not consider The Two Tow-

ers or Return of the King sequels in the

true sense of the word for they are in no

way independent from the original Lord

of the Rings. The same could be argued

with the fi rst two Godfather movies and

more recently Quinton Tarantino’s Kill

Bill duo. For a fi lm to be a true sequel it

must be produced after its predecessor

has been completed.

Admittedly however, there are excep-

tions to this ‘curse of the sequel’, and

good fi lms can come in more than one

installment. We will all have our own ex-

amples here, but classic movies such

as My Girl or Home Alone have shown

that given the right ingredients, fi lms can

last the distance. Although in the latter’s

case, producing a third installment was

probably going that bit too far.

Ultimately, bad fi lms in themselves are

any harm, so in theory we could always

just pick out what we consider to be the

good sequels and ignore the others. The

problem however, is the negative effect

these follow up duds have on their pred-

ecessors. Bad sequels don’t necessarily

damage the original but when they do,

the effects can be shattering.

Who now would still claim to love the

Matrix, after Reloaded and Revolutions

have come to destroy any intelligence

or respectability the fi rst installment had.

The eagerness with which the latter two

fi lms were anticipated is testament to the

regard in which the original was held,

and the evaporation of the last shreds

of regard for the collection is testament

to the effect which bad sequels can po-

tentially have.

Likewise, who would believe that way

back when, in 1970, the Oscar for ‘Best

Film’ went to the original Rocky fi lm.

That collection of fi ve, and soon to be

six, scandalously similar movies which

we all love in theory but wouldn’t watch

if they were on television, started off as

a project stamped with the Academy’s

highest accolade.

At the end of the day, fi lm corporations

will continue to make sequels in order to

make money on the back of the suc-

cess of original works. These sequels

will continue to be very hit or miss, be-

cause the industry will know that, even if

they’re fi lth, they’ll make money.

Us fi lm lovers will just have to con-

tinue to ignore the bad ones, appreciate

those wonderful few which do surprise

us, and mourn for the original works

which are fatally tainted by their sloppy

seconds.

Barra Ó’Fianail asks whether sequels are just another way for jaded movie companies to make a quick and lazy buck or a valid and constructive form of fi lmmaking

Film studios won’t hesitate to use the ‘sequel’ as a money making tool. So, caution is advised and we must handle these movies with extreme care

Repetition or Encore?


It’s only a matter of days before the exams start, and for most students the only thing getting you through the late nights of last minute cram-ming are the thoughts of freedom. Whether you and your buddies are heading Stateside, trekking through remote parts of South America, or volunteering in a developing country the best way to enjoy the experience is to stay safe with the following helpful travel hints.

First things fi rst. Before leaving for

your chosen destination photocopy

your passport and airline tickets. Keep

a copy for yourself and a second copy

to leave at home with your parents. In

the event of either items being stolen

this will make getting a replacement

easier. Do not carry your passport to-

gether with your tickets; always keep

them separate from each other.

Travelling to foreign lands can be

a cultural experience. For those of

you visiting more tropical locations

this summer there are a multitude of

vaccinations you must avail of. Before

travelling consult your doctor to see

which vaccinations are required for

your intended destination.

While abroad enjoy the local culinary

delicacies but note the following pre-

cautions regarding food and drink.

Food Safety Precautions

Eat fruit you can peel by your-self and don’t eat from street vendorsBeware of ice-cream from unreli-able sources and boil unpasteur-ised milkAvoid shellfi sh, salads and raw vegetablesAvoid dishes containing raw eggs or under cooked meat / fi shTry to eat fresh hot cooked foods. Choose thinly cut slices of prop-erly cooked meats.

Water Health TipsAlways use bottled water, even for brushing your teeth. Don’t gargle in the shower Avoid ice in your drinksCheck seals on bottles before drinking. If in doubt, use carbon-ated waterClean the bottle neck before you drink from it or use a strawBe safe in the knowledge that minerals and local beers are usually safeIf trekking through remote areas and bottled water is unavailable, boil it, treat it, fi lter it or leave it.

Many tropical diseases are picked up

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through bites from infected insects.

Malaria, Dengue Fever and Japanese

B Encephalitis are all mosquito borne

diseases. It is important to avoid get-

ting bitten by insects.

Malaria is a disease that can kill.

The incubation period is 10-28 days,

but can last as long as, and longer

than, 2 months. The main symptoms

of include: fever, sweating, shivering

and headaches. If you suspects that

you may have Malaria seek medical

advice urgently. This applies even if

the symptoms begin to show a year

later.

The best way to avoid getting bitten

is to cover up with long and loose fi t-

ting clothes once the sun begins to set.

Insect repellent on exposed skin will

also help, but make sure not to spray

on your face or apply to eyelids or lips.

Clothing may also be treated for extra

protection. Insect repellent containing

35-55% DEET is most preferable and

there is also a high-quality natural re-

pellent called Mosiguard.

Perfume, aftershave and deodorant

also attract insects. Try using the non

perfumed variety to deter the little bug-

gers. Sleeping in an air conditioned

room or under a mosquito net will also

help. Nets should be tucked in early

in the day and can be treated with in-

secticide for extra protection. Special

outdoor nets are highly recommended

for camping.

Swimming SafetyStatistically, most accidents occur in, or around, water. Becoming familiar with local currents, tides, rip tides and safe swimming zones is recommended. Chlorinated swim-ming pools are usually safe to swim in, but it is never advisable to swim after a heavy meal or after you have been drinking alcohol.

Do not swim in fresh water rivers

and lakes in Central Africa, Arabian

Peninsula and parts of South East

Asia, unless it has been confi rmed

that there is no schistosomiasis (Bil-

harzia) present in the water. Beware

of jelly fi sh and sea urchins. If you do

stand on a sea urchin, try to remove

the entire spine.

SunsmartSunburn is never fun, so be sure to bring plenty of sunscreen and use it! Apart from getting burned, over exposure to the sun can also cause permanent skin damage and in later life lead to skin cancer. Damage to the skin builds up over the years-that means damage to the skin in one year is added to damage done in previous years.

Take extra care if you have pale or

freckled skin that doesn’t tan or burns

fi rst, then tans. If you’re hair is natu-

rally red or fair and you have blue or

grey eyes, you should also be careful

of the sun. People with a large number

of moles should also ensure extra pro-

tection for their skin when exposed to

those harmful UV rays.

Again, like the mosquito bites the

best way to avoid sun burn is by cov-

ering up. Wearing a fashionable wide-

brimmed hat will protect your neck,

shoulders and face from the dangers

posed by the sun. Shirts with a close-

weave will also block out the sun’s

dangerous rays.

However, you can also cover up

with sunscreen. Use a sunscreen

that has a sun protection factor (SPF)

15 or higher. Be sure that it has UVA

and UVB protection. The higher the

SPF number, the greater protection

provided. Apply thickly and evenly 20

minutes before going out in the sun

and reapply every 2 hours or more if

you have been in the water or sweat-

ing.

The parts of your body that are not

used to sun exposure are likely to burn

more easily. Take extra care of your

nose, ears, neck, bald patches, hands

and feet. Remember, the only safe tan is a fake tan.

Avoid being in the sun between

11am and 3pm. This is when the sun

is at its strongest and likely to cause

the most skin damage. If you must be

out during these hours, shelter under

a parasol or in the shade.

Don’t forget your eyes, they are the

window to your soul and also need to

be protected! Wear sunglasses that

give high protection against UV rays.

Check out the label and note the stand-

ard: BS Standard (BS 27 24 19 87) or

European Standard (EN 1836).

Tips for female travellersAlways carry tampons- When your monthly fl ow visits you, the last thing you need is to be caught out in a foreign land without any tampons. And even if you don’t need them, someone else will be only too relieved to use your emer-gency stash.

Bra pockets- Most of you reading

this would never have considered your

wonderbra as a place to hide your as-

sets, I mean valuable possessions.

Bras with demi pockets can hold more

just than padding! In the worst case

scenario where you do get mugged

and are asked to empty out your

pockets, having money hidden away

in your bra could save your trip. Simply

remove the pads and slip the money

inside the pockets to out smart those

nasty thieves. Don’t keep your travel plans a

secret - Sometimes it might feel right

not to tell anyone where you are going.

However, it is in your own best interest

to keep your friends informed of your

whereabouts at all times. If you are go-

ing to be travelling from place to place,

always inform and update at least one

person of the information on your ac-

commodation, travelling partners and

general plans.

Hotel SafetyThis is an important tip whether you are travelling alone or in the company of others.

Use only your fi rst initial when checking in Avoid a room on the ground fl oor or on the same fl oor as reception. If you feel that someone is watching you or following you don’t be modest, return to the front desk immediately and alert security. Leave a television on even if you are going out. Never leave your key where someone can see your room number.

Protecting Your PrivacyDo not become a friend of the friendless. If you are travelling alone

avoid talking to any dodgy people.

When a man comes up and asks you

- 'Is this your fi rst time in _______?', it

is the fi rst step in sizing you up. Say,

“NO.” And then get away from him.

That’s not to say that everyone who

travels alone is out to get you, but

for the sake of safety, avoid a Brigid

Jones situation whereby drugs are

planted in your bags and you have to

spend the rest of your days in some

Thai prison awaiting death.

BON VOYAGE!!!

n

n

n

n

n

HolidayhealthIf a little time is spent on some careful planning, the experience of travelling can prove very rewarding. For those of you lucky enough to be leaving Ireland this summer, Caitríona Gaffney has some very helpful hints

21HEALTH20.04.06College Tribune

It’s been emotional ladies and gentlemen, but this article will mark the end of my College Trib-une career and also my last tie with UCD. Many of you won’t care, most of you aren’t reading and those who are will have stopped by the time this paragraph has ended.

As an eighteen year old youth, wet behind the ears and slightly overawed by the sheer greyness of the Belfi eld campus, your trusted columnist began life in college in-auspiciously.

He has seen many things happen, both within and without the confi nes of the campus. On his second day, men fl ew planes into the Twin Tow-ers in New York and some weeks later, the War on Terror hit UCD when people in white jump suits in-vestigated suspected anthrax in the Admin building.

He wasn’t in the bar when a stu-dent got a blowjob during Fresher’s Week but he knows thousands who were. He was there on the bar’s greatest day, the euphoria from Ire-land’s qualifi cation for the World Cup

in Japan-Korea leading to the staff closing the bar.

He remembers his fl irtation with the political world during those awe-some few days in 2003 when Paul Dillon and Aidan Regan were elect-ed in a massive swing to the left and in the tide of emotion, he felt that he was on the political track.

Having been kicked out of Coy-ote for chairing the President elect around on his shoulders, it was all downhill in a political vogue. Reality bit. Things didn’t change and politics really is quite dull once the election is over,

He moved on, living in Merville and meeting new people. He drank lots, studied little but came out on top. He likes to think he beat the system. Perhaps it’s just that the system isn’t very good and is quite easily beaten.

With that stunning victory over the man, his degree secured, he chose not to conquer the world but to re-main and do a Masters that took up a monumental two hours of his week. He grew old in UCD. UCD grew old to him.

Where once he couldn’t walk from Merville to the Sports Centre without stopping for chats on several occa-sions, the trip from Glenomena was made in minutes.

The faces were unfamiliar, the girls too young to fancy. On gradua-tion night the familiar faces from the library resurfaced, only heightening the fact that college had moved on.

Viewing the college from the eyes of the student media is an interest-ing way to do it. Things that seemed important and interesting two years

ago are now insignifi cant. Your columnist and his con-temporaries exchange raised eyebrows and knowing glances when it sees second years being dragged into Students’ Union poli-tics, They know better now.

They know that when it comes to applying for jobs your degree means very little, particularly when it comes from the Faculty of Arts. The fact that you got involved counts for a lot.

It’s scary to realise that one day we’ll probably be looking at James Carroll TD, watching Michael Clark on Questions and Answers. At least we can take comfort from the fact that Dave Curran will always be the SU Deputy President.

The trick to UCD is the ability to escape. It’s a comfortable place, a trap from which your own self-impor-tance is easily infl ated. If you stay too long you end up disconnected from everyone. Older than all the students you try and befriend but unable to relate to people your own age who have jobs.

Your columnist had a go at retiring

before; disillusioned with the paper he hung up his boots. He’d like to think that his return has been pro-lifi c, that it resembles Alan Shearer. In truth, a modest man that he is, it is more like Maradona’s ill-fated sojourn at Sevilla. Unspectacular.

He left UCD some months ago but like a smell, he lingered. The end of the College Tribune’s year heralding the departure. Like most students, it’s clear that in two years time no one in UCD will know who he is, It’s a cyclical place.

More prominent people than him have been forgotten and could prob-ably return, anonymous to a popu-lation who were whippersnappers when they strolled around Belfi eld.

Thus, he must bid his readers adieu. It’s been swell, and those of you patient enough to put up with this self indulgent piece of writing are to be thanked and applauded. I’d have turned the page paragraphs ago.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT...UGLY PEOPLE10

An ugly person is more likely to be a right wing fascist than a good looking person. Also note the manner in which they have taken over the Fianna Fail party.

Everybody knows that most paedophile’s are ugly. There’s no smoke without fi re

It’s a well known fact that ugly people think a certain way. It’ s usually disgusting and sick and involves sordid scenarios with half dragon-elves and Xena Warrior Princess.

Ugly people think differently to us attrac-tive people and in general they’re all sick.

Ugly people should act a certain way. They should not pretend they’re good looking. There is abso-lutely nothing worse than an absolute bouwler who thinks she’s hot. The same probably applies for an ugly bloke.

The only thing worse than an ugly person trying to be funny is an ugly paedophile telling a joke about a child he molested.

In all honesty it’s a lose-lose situation for the aes-thetically inept. Dress like you wish you were good looking and you look both ugly and like a spa. Dress ugly and you look even uglier. As noted lose-lose, it’s nature’s way of telling you that you’re a minger.

Ever watch an ugly person jump? It’s a heinous crime against jumpers everywhere and defi les the decades of good work done by the jumping com-munity. These people have no shame

Ugly people have a repulsive way of sitting. Sprawled across the chair they mock us good looking people as if saying ‘you can’t afford to get in a fi ght with me cos’ I could damage your pre-cious looks and I don’t care if you do the same

back cos’ my face is already a wreck’.

It’s not pikey, in comparison pikey is an ancient and rich language. Ugly is an abhorrent mix of pseudo-intellectualism and gankish American sci-fi programmes. Note all ugly people have to at least pretend to be smart because if they don’t they’ve got nothing

THEIR POLITICS10

THEIR PAEDOPHILIC TENDENCIES9

ONES THAT THINK THEY LOOK GOOD 7

THE WAY THEY TELL JOKES6

THE WAY THEY DRESS5

THE WAY THEY JUMP4

THE WAY THEY TALK2

BY EOINMAC AODHA

THE WAY THEY THINK8

THE WAY THEY SIT3

THIS WEEK

LEAVING COLLEGE

He drank lots, studied little but came out on top. He likes to think he beat the system. Perhaps it’s just that the system isn’t very good and is quite easily beaten

REGULARS

Minger, Bouwler, In bits, in batz, wrote off, wrecked,

Ag Science student. These are just some of the

words to describe ugly people. The reason there

are so many of them is this is a particularly salient

issue that needs to be stamped out.

Visit www.eradicateuglypeoplefromucd.com and

sign our petition to have all ugly people banned

from UCD.

Remember being ugly isn’t a choice. It’s wrong.

THE WAY THEY LOOK1


RUD’S WO

RL

D

BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

TRIBUNEG U I D E

L U N G E

THE

TO THE

# 9: GOODBYE

Dear Tribune,

I am utterly appalled in the manner with which our ‘great’ leaders have glorifi ed the wanton violence of 1916 for their own political means.Those men were essentially terrorists who wilfully engaged in violence when there were various options available to them.I’m all for taking anything off the Shinners which threatens to give them political legitimacy but violence should never be legitimised.Likewise the preposterous show of strength by the Irish Army reminded me more of a vain attempt to rouse national pride reminiscent of North Korea than a supposedly neutral democracy.

Yours,Oliver Cromwell

Dear Oliver,

I think you’ve got the wrong letters page. The address you’re probably looking for is Geraldine Kennedy, The Irish Times, Fleet Street.

Dear Tribune,

I’m a Vets student and I have a problem.Over the past while I’ve been doing my rotations in the hospital and I’ve grown quite fond of one of the patients.She’s got beautiful, soft skin and a graceful personality. I’ve never seen anybody else carry themselves they way she does. I know I shouldn’t have these feelings but I do and I can’t stop them. I know it’s ethically wrong, I really do, and that I’d be kicked out of my course if anything happens but I’m in hell at the moment.

I just wish they hadn’t started taking humans into the hospital to alleviate the health crisis.

Yours in Despair,Barry Bowie

Dear Barry,

For a minute there we though you were going to say you were in lover with a cow, or a horse or even a chicken and we were going to call you an utterly

depraved sicko. We’re not

going to that now though.

What you need to do, is wait for her to get better and bam hit it up. If she’s got something nasty it’s better you don’t go near her anyway and if she doesn’t happy days she’ll be better quicker.After all the service in the Vets hospital can’t be any worse than the national ones.

WARNING: LUNGING CAN BE DANGEROUS

This is emotional. The last ever lunge. It’s over. It’s gone.

We’ve done our best, we really have. We feel we’ve tried

to educate our loyal lungers in the best way possible. We’ve

been told that people didn’t get this, that it wasn’t making

sense to the ordinary student. We didn’t care.

We’ve been self indulgent, we’ve used words even some of

the academic population didn’t understand. We don’t care.

If one student got the score as a result of this article, used one

of our lunges on a night out, we feel it’s been a success. This

wasn’t populist, but an act of public service journalism.

We’re not sure if anyone even read our little fortnightly treat but

it’s clear that in sentiment, originality and awesomeness it was unsur-

passed. It was a succulent feast. A little piece of magic in the world of

the mundane.

You see, lunging is important. The naysayers say that it objectifi es women,

but when they bat their eyelids at unsuspecting men in nightclubs, they encour-

age the lunge.

Within the ranks of the College Tribune, The Lunge has felt ostracised, victim-

ised and hurt. It’s colleagues, perhaps resenting the unsurpassed vocabulary, have

turned. Jealousy, envy and insecurity reigned. It is only through the strength of will

and character that the Lunge was not cut and replaced by pictures of nice boys as an

extension of the Health and Fashion section.

The Lunge came out the other side. It feels vindicated, refreshed and

re-energised.

The Lunge recognises that you’re never too old to lunge, just that

it gets harder to fi nd willing compatriots. We’re not ruling out future

lunges mind, we’d never do that, it’s just that lunging goes hand in hand

with a college education and once you leave you’ll never have the same

opportunities again.

The Lunge is a little sad about this but always knew it could never

last forever. It lunged with the best of them, tried as many moves as

possible and won some and lost some. Throughout, it never forgot the

cardinal rule of the lunge, you’ve got to be in to win.

In its time it pulled off some amazing lunges, daring and innovative

and sometimes far ahead of its time, The Lunge has led the way for

those who value all that a third level education stands for.

From the Palace, to Fireworks, to D2 to 92 to an occasional foray in

the Student Bar, The Lunge has been there, mixing it up and terrorising

and titillating young women in equal measure.

It can therefore hold its head up high, safe in the knowledge that its

memory will always live on through the women dotted around the coun-

try, and indeed more exotic climes, who will regale their grandchildren

in generations to come of that fateful night they encountered the full and

terrible beauty of The Lunge.

23REGULARS20.04.06College Tribune

The fi rst case of bird-fl u has been

reported in the Agricultural Science

building in UCD.

The case is believed to have occurred last

Friday when a woman unknowingly entered

the building.

The rurally inclined edifi ce has tradition-

ally been a male only zone and a female

has not entered since an aborted attempt

in 1983 to hold a knitting class.

Ag Science students are allergic to wom-

en and develop fl u-like symptoms upon any

contact.

It is not known what the girl was doing

in the building although after an extensive

trawl of the building Services eventually

found her at the reception area.

The woman who is know only as Case 0,

was brought to Donnybrook Garda station

and charged under public order charges.

Speaking to the Turbine, Case 0 said, “I

just can’t get my head around it all. I didn’t

mean to hurt anyone. I was just going home

and I remember someone told me they had

a fi ne collection of wood from all around the

world in there.

“The next thing I knew this alarm went

off and there was a fella writhing around

on the ground and foaming at the mouth. I

went to help him but then someone started

shouting at me, something like, ‘haven’t you

done enough damage, you jezebel’.”

The student, who is named Mossy and

likes drinking in the Portobello bar is be-

lieved to be recovering.

The fact that authorities were able to fi nd

Case 0 made their job a lot easier according

to Michael Murtagh, a man, and leader of

Irelands response to bird fl u.

“The fact that we had her, like, in custody,

made all of our lives a lot easier. So Mossy

will be grand and he’ll back supping pints

in the Porto in no time. Or maybe Coppers,

that’s up to Mossy.”

“As for yer wan, we’ll wait and see but she

won’t be wandering off to look at collections

of wood anytime soon, we can assure you

of that, surely.”

Unsubstantiated rumours have defi ni-

tively informed the Turbine that Hugh

Brady is planning to build a force fi eld

around Ag Science to ward females off.

Provisional plans include a crack team of

Ag students wearing their county colours

armed with crucifi xes at the entrance.

Not an ApologyThe Turbine would not like to take this

opportunity to apologise to Ag Science

students for continuous jibes about their

cleanliness, sexual prowess and looks.

The Turbine stands by these generalisa-

tions.

Hugh we love youThe Turbine would like to take this op-

portunity to tell Hugh we love him and

we think he’s great and that he shouldn’t

listen to what anyone else says that he’s

perfect the way he is and that he’s right,

change isn’t always down to an inferiority

complex or the need to accommodate for

something.

High Five Hugh

INSIDEA sentimental goodbye: Page 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

TURBINETHE VOLUME XIX ISSUE X

It’s Satire, Stupid!

ST

ILL

ON LY

31p

AG SCIENCE GOES CA-CAW

UCD Ball kicked into neighbour’s garden.Gambling: My Wayne Rooney shame.Belfield Park’s attendance drops as man forgets to bring dog.

Bebo owners launch inquiry into person who hasn’t joined.

The CIA have placed Ireland along-

side Iran, Syria and North Korea

on their Axis of Evil after the 1916

commemorations in Dublin.

A senior source in the Bush Whitehouse

said that this type of glorifi cation of terror-

ist violence rendered Ireland an unattrac-

tive proposition.

The US have already grown tired of Ire-

land’s concerns over the transportation of

prisoners or their ‘extraordinary rendition’

through Shannon.

According to an National Security Coun-

cil document seen by the Turbine, the

“march demonstrates the Irish Govern-

ments lax attitude to terrorism and their

tacit approval of it.”

Senior sources in the Pentagon have

confi rmed that the move is an attempt by

the US to distance themselves from Ire-

land.

One source claimed, “we are in a war

against terror, the men who perpetrated

1916 were terrorists and the Irish govern-

ment are as a result condoning terror. We

can not be associated with any country who

condones terrorism.”

Another senior source declared, ‘Ireland

is now damaged goods. The only thing they

had going for them was an airport and a

government who never questioned us. Now

they’re international pariahs.”

When told of the news by the Turbine,

Taoiseach Bertie Ahern was having a pint

of Bass in Fagans.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadine-

jad has condemned the US decision and

offered a hand of friendship to Ireland’s

beleaguered leader.

Some Irish people are concerned as to

the consequences of being a rogue state.

UCD students have protested that they

won’t be able to buy clothes in Abercrom-

bie or travel on J1 visas.

Brian Ormonde refused to comment.

IRE-LAND OF ROGUES

British Army marches down O’Connell St. for a true 1916 Commemoration.

Bench warm after a substitute stands up.

Entire Irish Army Turn out in Force for 1916 March Page 9

New Ally: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defends rebellious Ireland

Weather: or not?

25SPORT20.04.06College Tribune

DOWN THE LINE

What sports lover isn’t relishing the prospect? A European semi-fi nal in Dublin. Contested by two Irish teams. One is considered representative of bloated bour-geois extravagance, the other a down to earth symbol of union and togetherness.

Limerick and South Dublin may exist

on the same map, but they are poles

apart. Economically, socially and even

linguistically it’s hard to fathom that

these places are a part of the same

nation.

This clash means so much. It offers

so much. From personal clashes on

the pitch to the battle on the terraces.

The fi erce passion of Munster against

the supposed laissez faire approach of

the Leinster brigade.

It’s a dichotomy of Irish sport and

is up there with the All Ireland fi nal in

terms of stature and resonance. The

Ryder Cup may take place in Kildare

this autumn, but in terms of actually

affecting the Irish public, the seismic

clash in Lansdowne Road offers so

much more.

Tickets couldn’t be harder to get if

they had chastity belts on. It’s cap-

tured the imagination. Munster fi lled

Lansdowne for their game with Perpig-

nan without much help from the Cata-

lans. Leinster are based a fi ve minute

walk away. Even hosting it at Croke

Park wouldn’t satisfy demand.

On the pitch you have internation-

al players in almost every position.

You have crucial battles. Both sides’

strengths lie in different places. Lein-

ster have the best backline in club

rugby, Munster’s pack is a phenom-

enal force.

You’ve got intrigue in nearly every

position. How will Reggie Corrigan et

al stand up to the Munster front row?

Will Brian Blaney manage to get the

ball past Donncha O’Callaghan and

Paul O’Connell at line out time?

Who will Munster pick to face Brian

O’Driscoll in the centre? How do they

propose to stop the Felipe Contepomi

inspired backline? These questions

won’t be answered until 5pm on Sat-

urday, but they continue to titillate and

fascinate nonetheless.

In one way this is almost an Ireland

trial game. With Jamie Heaslip grow-

ing in stature every week of the sea-

son, it will be interesting to see how he

copes with the abrasiveness of Mun-

ster’s back row forwards. Heaslip has

legitimate claims on the Irish number

eight jersey, he faces the old master

and the incumbent on Saturday. He’s

looked the part before and this could

cement his claims.

Having conquered Toulouse in their

own backyard, Leinster face a very

different proposition at Lansdowne.

Instead of the hands of Yannick Jauz-

ion, they must contend with the legs

of David Wallace. They must stop

Munster’s driving maul, vie with their

nous and trickery and Ronan O’Gara’s

ability to pin them back.

Leinster’s reputation as fancy Dans,

unable to compete when the going

gets tough is a myth. Anyone watching

Ireland’s victory over England could

never question the drive behind Shane

Horgan, Brian O’Driscoll’s love of com-

petitive physicality and the will to win

of Malcolm O’Kelly.

It enthrals, it entices, it beckons.

Eighty minutes of Irish sportsmen at

their peak. Eighty minutes of cross

cultural warfare. Eighty minutes that

will last a lifetime in terms of bragging

rights.

Leinster have suffered at the hands

of Munster’s epic relationship with the

Heineken Cup in terms of their com-

parative performance and a perceived

lack of heart. The talent lies in Lein-

ster, but the competitive beast resides

in the South, or so goes the myth. At

times, the Leinster fan found it hard

to argue. Last season, 47,000 peo-

ple attended an eighty minute silence

as their team turned up and stepped

aside allowing Leicester to stroll into

the semi fi nals.

The next day, Munster travelled

to San Sebastian to take on what

seemed like the entire Basque nation

when they faced Biarritz but their cour-

age, strength and defi ance in defeat

was in stark contrast.

Times have changed. Michael

Cheika and David Knox have been

like a fresh summer’s breeze hitting

Sandymount Strand, Declan Kidney

has gone southwards and has kept the

Munster gravy train on track.

Anyone watching Leinster’s fi rst

Celtic League game against the Os-

preys this season quite possibly won’t

remember it. It was a dreadful, error

strewn affair in a half empty stadium

but the only thing of note was the away

side’s belief in their attack. They may

have failed to execute, but they tried

things anyway. It was a notable depar-

ture and as the season has progressed

this philosophy has born fruit.

They are now a changed team. Their

esprit de corps and joie de vivre fi t well

with their fans chanting Allez les Bleus.

The Australian coaches have brought

about a French style revolution. Lein-

ster attack from everywhere.

At crucial stages this season they

have scored from within their own 22.

They’re almost more dangerous when

they’re on the back foot. Munster might

know their opponents inside out, but

Leinster still have an unknown quan-

tity whereby they can spring an attack

from the unlikeliest of sources.

Without Barry Murphy, Munster look

blunt. They will front up and will hope

to simply keep the ball. Their defence

is excellent, but when Leinster faced a

similar proposition in Bath, they blitzed

the English side.

It’s all set up, it has everything and,

your columnist has his ticket but, no he

doesn’t have any spares. This week

will be a media frenzy like no other.

Neither side is inexperienced enough

to be distracted.

Munster have the heart but in the

Heineken Cup, that heart usually

breaks at the fi nal stage. Leinster have

all the ingredients and have been an-

swering their critics all season, but you

feel that only the Heineken Cup will

silence the doubters.

It would be cruel, if not crushing for

Munster to watch their eastern foes

win this competition. They’ve consist-

ently been contenders but the feeling

persists that the bridesmaids may yet

end up being old spinsters, while the

tearaway teenager will fi nally blossom

this season.

Whatever happens, it will be a mas-

sive game. If you have plans for next

Saturday, cancel them. If you haven’t

booked your fl ights to Cardiff, book

them. An Irish team will be in the

Heineken Cup Final either way. The

only issue is who the bragging rights

belong to.

Ruaidhri O’Connor looks forward to the Heineken Cup clash of Munster vs Leinster. A game guaranteed to excite

Barry Murphy: How will Munster fare without him?

An awesome proposition

They are now a changed team. Their esprit de corps and joie de vivre fit well with their fans chanting Allez les Bleus

Without Barry Murphy, Munster look blunt. They will front up and will hope to simply keep the ball

SPORT26

He says he’s not upset or angry. But he certainly isn’t coming across that way. Perhaps he’s just keen to differentiate between his feelings about the team’s performance and all thve other stuff that has been going on. But at least he’s getting it out of his system.

“The more I talk about it the more I get it

off my chest. The more I talk about it prob-

ably, the more I loosen up,” continues UCD

manager Pete Mahon. “It was just a disap-

pointment last Friday coming out of there. It’s

just taking me a little bit longer than normal to

get over this defeat. It used to take me about

a week at one time and then it used to take

a couple of hours, but that one last night, it’s

just taking me a bit longer than usual.”

Mahon’s side came away from United

Park last Friday night on the wrong end of a

one-nil defi cit, and it would seem to be play-

ing on the Dubliner’s mind. “Maybe because

I’m sitting down fucking writing these match

reports and everything else, maybe I’d be

better off getting out for a walk and getting

away from it. Ah it’ll be fi ne in the end you

know.” His breathing beginning to return to

something like normal now for a moment

at least. But he’s passionate. He loves the

game and he loves the club. And that’s why

he’s upset.

The FAI are due to make an announce-

ment during the coming summer regarding

the details of this restructured eircom League.

Mahon has expressed his worry at the strong

rumours that are circulating in various eircom

League circles, about the potential of a 16-

team Superleague emerging.

The restructuring is a result of the Genesis

report for the eircom League, which states

that radical reform is required for the League

to survive. The Strategic Management Con-

sultants, Genesis, have said that radical

reform of the eircom League is required to

secure its future.

Teams are to be “invited” into the league

based on criteria that has yet to be released

and is not due to be released until July, de-

spite that fact that the league season is al-

ready underway. Mahon claims that he has

already learned from another club that if it

comes down to a vote on which clubs are to

stay, that “UCD wouldn’t get the vote.”

Mahon now goes on to speak about his

suspicions that there are secret meetings

UCD boss Pete Mahon speaks to Colin Gleeson and fumes about the threat that hangs over the future of his club, while looking to fulfi ll his last ambition in football- to defeat the Genesis Committee

Mahon’s “last “My main concern is that we get “My main concern is that we get as high up the table as we can and as high up the table as we can and make it as difficult as we can for make it as difficult as we can for this Genesis committee, whoever this Genesis committee, whoever they are, these faceless men. they are, these faceless men. Maybe they issue these licenses in Maybe they issue these licenses in a nice little hotel with lovely four-a nice little hotel with lovely four-course meals”course meals”


27SPORT

being held behind closed doors within

FAI Headquarters. Plotting to construct

a new league without the presence of

UCD. “I’m just hoping, and the feeling’s

fairly confi dent, that if the ball bounces

for us, we’ll give this Genesis committee

some headache.

“And that’s my one ambition left in

football at this moment. To get so far up

the table. Nothing would give me more

satisfaction. Because I know for a fact

that there’s clandestine meetings being

held and phone calls being made and all

to set up this new era for football.

“There’s no more we can do, only keep

competing with these so-called big clubs

who, by the way, don’t even have hot

showers in the dressing room after the

match in this day and age of Uefa licens-

ing and all this shit that I keep hearing

so much about and you keep hearing

about the threat hanging over UCD and

all this crap. But I’m glad to see that the

nod and the wink mentality is still alive

and thriving in the eircom League. That

sounds like sour grapes now but it’s

not. It’s a reality. Our players came in

off the pitch last Friday in Drogheda and

there’s no hot water to have a shower.

Now come on.

“I’m around in football a long time, I’m

around the League of Ireland scene for

over forty years and going back to when I

was playing, the one thing we had after a

match was a hot shower, that’s happened

to us twice this year now. All this show-

boating and beauty contest type talk you

hear about the grounds, and we’re doing

this and we’re going to do that. We want

this crowd in the league and we don’t

want that crowd in the league.

“Make the designs when everything’s

on the table. And all these clubs who

have voted for change. See will they still

vote for it in July. And if they do good

luck to them. I mean it’s a joke that we

still don’t know and won’t know until July

whether there’s relegation or promotion.

But what are they waiting for? What’s the

big secret? Are they waiting to see who’s

down the bottom of the league?

“So what’s the criteria we’re all going

to have to match to let’s say be invited

into this Superleague? I guarantee you

that when the schoolboy leagues start for

the under-tens next August, the teams in

that league will know whether there’s rel-

egation or promotion. Here’s what’s sup-

posed to be the top league in the country.

I mean there’s nothing wrong with the

league, it’s the administration.

“My main concern is that we get as

high up the table as we can and make

it as diffi cult as we can for this Genesis

committee, whoever they are, these

faceless men. Maybe they issue these

licenses in a nice little hotel with lovely

four-course meals, their hot showers

and their hot towels. If they had to step

into a cold shower after ninety minutes

of giving good entertainment and good

value, maybe their mindset might change

then.

“But then again, how could it change

because these people never played

football. They never kicked a ball in an-

ger, they wouldn’t know whether it was

pumped or stuffed. And these are the

people making decisions that will affect

a lot of players in this country, a lot of

managers, a lot of families. I’m fearful

of what might happen if there’s one so-

called Superleague with sixteen teams.

What’s going to happen to the rest of

them?”

“I would imagine that last night in

Drogheda, there were people from the

eircom League there, being wined and

dined in good fashion up in Drogheda.

Lovely tea and sandwiches and all for

them all at half time, next would they have

a little drink and all that kind of stuff?

“The basic requirement for me includes

proper washing facilities after the match. I

think that’s only fair. And Roy Keane was

right. Football is all about suits. There’s

so many people in there and so many dif-

ferent blazers, they don’t know which one

to wear, whether it’s the Leinster Senior

League, FAI, eircom League, they don’t

know which one to wear.

“When you take the whole package,

when you take everything into consid-

eration, the set-up in UCD: no late pay-

ments, no bounced cheques, every com-

mitment being honoured, travelling fi rst

class to matches. Now we really have no

excuses and I’m not making excuses but

I am happy in the knowledge that we are

doing all that is possible to get success.

Now I’m sure that other managers that

have been in UCD before me and they’ll

tell you the exact same thing.

“I mean we trained again last Saturday

in Belfi eld. The Sports Centre was closed

so we had to use the facilities over at the

Bowl. The facilities are absolutely brilliant.

And I’m looking at what we were in last

night. So with all this new era for football,

a new dawn, a new beginning, ground-

sharing, upgrading stadiums and all this.

It’s all cosmetic. Do you mean to tell me

for one moment that Bohemians are go-

ing to ground share with Shelbourne? I’d

be amazed. Why should they?

“All this talk is to smooth over this tran-

sition or whatever they’re going to do,

that’s my opinion. But when it all comes

down in the end, people want power.

I’m in football for the right reasons. I’m

in football because I love the game. I’m

not in football so I can sit in the Director’s

Box in Tolka Park or Lansdowne Road

or wherever.

“I’ve never got anything out of football.

The two things I’ve got out of football

are enjoyment and heartbreak. I never

got any freebies, brought here, brought

there, I don’t want them; I don’t want

to be part of that. I want to be part of a

club where things get done right, for the

right reasons and in our case for football

reasons. There’s people in UCD been

working their balls off every week to keep

this show on the road, and some people

say well it’s not a very good show, well

I’ll tell you one thing, it’ a well-run show.

I’m just hoping.”

The former Bohs boss was adamant

that UCD have every potential to go

from strength to strength in the coming

seasons. And they are already putting in

the groundwork in order to achieve this

goal.

“But if anybody tells me that we can do

more, I mean our coaching and our train-

ing I would say, and I don’t really know

any other clubs, I mean I managed Bohe-

mians myself in a full-time situation and

I would say that our coaching and our

training is on a par with anybody.

“We have facilities, we have good play-

ers, we have some very good players

and we’ve a lot of young players, now

young players need to be told the right

things, they need to be shown the right

way, and then they need time, also with

an input from themselves of course. Now

we’re getting all that I think.

“The only thing I’m despondent about

is the result last night. And if I’m coming

across in a negative tone or a despond-

ent tone, I’m not. I’m still just disappointed

over the result. And maybe that’s defl ect-

ing away from the positive stuff but I know

the positive stuff as well I think.

“It’s just frustrating when we were so

near last Friday again and the ball went

the wrong side of the post, but we’re get-

ting there and these young players here

are the best young players around. And

we have some very exciting scholarship

applications already for July. So that en-

courages us.” It’s like he said though.

All he can do is hope. And only time will

tell perhaps.

But then again, how could it change because these people never played football. They never kicked a ball in anger, they wouldn’t know whether it was pumped or stuffed

Roy Keane was right. Football is all about suits. There’s so many people in there and so many different blazers, they don’t know which one to wear

Ex-UCD boss Paul Doolin did the busi-

ness at half-time in the home dress-

ing room as his side came out for

the second half with all guns blazing.

The goal came shortly after the restart

when the ball broke for James Keddy

on the left who crossed the ball into

the penalty area where it was met with

precision by Bradley.

The away side almost grabbed an

equalizer in the dying moments when

Darragh Ryan’s cross rattled the

crossbar after deceiving goalkeeper

Dan Connor. The ball fell at the feet of

Sammon but he couldn’t dig it out from

underneath him.

After the match, UCD manager Pete

Mahon was furious about the result.

“Sick. Fucking sick. That was hard to

take. That’s just about ruined my whole

fucking Easter weekend to be honest. I

felt very confi dent about that match last

night, maybe that’s overstating it, I felt

confi dent about the game.

“Even though we’d a few setbacks

before the game, I felt we were going to

get something from the game, certainly

not lose it. I had a good feeling about it.

Maybe it was because they were com-

ing down from the high of the Setanta

Cup, top of the league, playing at home,

cocky enough; I think they were there

for the taking. It was set-up for us, no

question at all about that. I had a good

feeling about it and that’s what makes

it more disappointing than usual.

“It’s just a disappointment because

we just can’t seem to cross that fi nal

hurdle. I suppose really, I’m just writing

my match report here, and I’m saying to

myself that we could’ve got a draw from

that game at the very least and that

would’ve been ok, that would’ve been

a totally different mindset and way of

thinking on the situation, but as I said,

the result knocks it back a bit now.

“They got behind us once for the goal,

Darren Quigley made one save in the

fi rst half, after that they had one shot

from Bradley over the bar, one more

shot from Glen Fitzpatrick that went a

million miles wide and I can’t remember

them really hurting us after that. And

this is a full-time team, massive money

being poured in there, sugar daddies all

over the place. And it’s that extra little

bit of quality that money buys.”

Top Drogs frustrate studentsCONTINUED FROM PAGE 28

ambition” to defeat Genesis

Quickly taken: UCD aim to get on terms with Drogheda


SPORT CLASH OF THE TITANSDOWN THE LINE PAGE 25

MAHON FURIOUSINTERVIEW PAGE 26

The AIB League play offs may be beyond them this season but UCD didn’t look like they had nothing to play for at the Belfi eld Bowl as they went down valiantly to the champi-ons Shannon.

College will be ruing missed op-

portunities as Eoghan Hickey went

close with a number of kicks and the

forwards turned over a huge amount

of ball in excellent fi eld position at key

times.

The Limerickmen’s penchant for

opportunism was on display in great

measure as they scored two tries from

within their own half.

The fi rst came as half time beck-

oned, College’s Eoghan Hickey ex-

ecuted a smart kicked off following a

Dave Delaney penalty. However, with

Kevin McLaughlin storming up, Shan-

non centre Andrew Thompson side

stepped and found himself in acres

of space.

As the cover closed, Thompson

switched with Brian Tuohy and the

winger fi nished well in the corner.

Delaney slotted the conversion and

UCD relinquished a lead they’d never

regain.

Shannon fi nished the job in bizarre

circumstances. They stole the ball in

their own 22, and instead of looking

to touch, out half Delaney launched a

cross kick towards Donnacha Ryan.

Hickey looked to have the situation

under control, but was unceremoni-

ously shoved out of the way by the

towering second row who collected

and ran eighty yards to score. Dela-

ney was unable to add the two but the

away side had put suffi cient daylight

between the sides.

College will be disappointed as they

had the majority of the fi eld position

and possession throughout but they

failed to convert and failed to protect

ruck ball.

Shannon had gone in front earlier

on two identical penalties from just

inside the UCD ten metre line gave

them a lead.

College went in front after 25 min-

utes, Kevin McLaughlin making hard

yards before Brian O’Riordan went

left and fed hooker Conor Geoghegan

who barrelled over in the corner with

men to spare outside. Hickey added

the conversion from the touchline.

International referee Allain Roland

added a touch of glamour to proceed-

ings and he was called into action af-

ter a half an hour. Shannon Prop Les

Hogan hit a ruck with such ferocity

that he left Ken Kennedy prone on

the ground. He came from the side

and was very high but it seemed a

little harsh when the referee issued

the yellow card.

The Students failed to capitalise

and Hickey may be ruing his decision

to go for touch after 36 minutes. The

ensuing line out came to nothing and

when they look at the fi nal score line,

these small moments will come back

to haunt them.

They did score an enthralling team

try minutes later, one that spanned the

pitch and went through the hands of at

least ten players in the build up.

Morgan Hickey-Crowe came off his

wing and used his searing pace to

break through the cover. UCD swung

right and Geoghegan popped up on

the wing, cut inside and offl oaded to

his captain Kevin Croke.

The number eight appeared to

knock the ball on, but Louis Burke

was allowed to continue. The ball was

swung wide and Shannon were split

open. McLaughlin found Niall Kearns

who crossed the line. Hickey failed to

add the conversion.

College lost the ball and their mo-

mentum from the ensuing kick off and

weren’t to score again until New Zea-

lander Richie Mandeno grabbed a late

consolation.

UCD: McCarron, Grissing, Kennedy

(Fanning, 40), Kearns, Hickey-Crowe,

Hickey, O’Riordan, Hall (McGovern,

51), Geoghegan, Doyle, McLaugh-

lin (Costello, 60), Mandeno, O’Brien

(Blaney, 45), Burke, Croke (c)

Shannon: O’Donovan, M Tuohy,

Thompson, Cahill (c), B Tuohy, De-

laney, F McNamara, Hogan, Cronin

(Hickey, 70), G McNamara, Ryan

(Keane, 70), O’Brien, Noonan (Pat

O’Connor, 47), Padraic O’Connor,

Keogh.

Shannon squeeze through

Former Arsenal midfi elder Stephen Bradley struck two minutes after half-time to send UCD packing and Drogheda United four points clear at the top of the eircom League Premier Division last Friday night at United Park.

Bradley showed why he attracted the

interest of west-London club Fulham

and newly promoted Reading before

Christmas as his fi ne strike propelled

the Boynesiders to their fi fth one-nil win

of the season.

Captain Tony McDonnell returned

from injury for the students and was

partnered in central defense by Brian

Shorthall after Conor Kenna and Alan

McNally were both forced out through

injury. Conan Byrne made way for Gary

Dicker in midfi eld, which was Pete

Mahon’s third change from UCD’s 4-1

thrashing of Bray Wanderers the week

before.

Last Saturday’s goal fest was a dis-

tant memory set against the rather dull

proceedings of United Park, with the

Students appearing to have left their

goal-scoring boots in Belfi eld. Admit-

tedly, Drogheda’s watertight defense

has yet to concede a goal this season

and they have looked good in recent

weeks as they prepare for this Satur-

day’s Setanta Cup Final showdown with

Cork City.

The home-side eeked out the result

despite the absence of regular strikers

Declan O’Brien and Mark Leech. College

started well and caused problems for the

Drogheda back four. The fi rst opening

came after seven minutes through the

infl uence of Pat McWalter as he fed the

ball to the in-form Conor Sammon who

blasted his shot just wide.

Drogheda’s fi rst real chance came

about after the half hour mark when

their playmaker on the night, Bradley fed

Sami Ristilla at the edge of the box from

just inside his own half. Darren Quigley

had to be at his best to turn the Boyne-

sider’s fi ne effort around the post.

Top Drogs frustratestudents

COLIN GLEESON

UNITED PARK

UCD 0Drogheda Utd 1

RUAIDHRI O’CONNOR

BELFIELD BOWL

UCD 17Shannon 21

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