week 4 personal statements kent l. barrus pre-professional advisor

Week 4Week 4Personal StatementsPersonal Statements

Kent L. BarrusKent L. BarrusPre-professional AdvisorPre-professional Advisor

Bio 311 - Professional School Bio 311 - Professional School PreparationPreparation

““The difference The difference between the right word between the right word and the almost right and the almost right word is the difference word is the difference between lightning and between lightning and the lightning bug.”the lightning bug.”

-Mark Twain-Mark Twain


Objectives:Objectives: Discuss the elements of an effective personal Discuss the elements of an effective personal

statement.statement. Discuss what not to do with a personal statement.Discuss what not to do with a personal statement. Critique and analyze sample personal statements.Critique and analyze sample personal statements.


Preparing for the essay:Preparing for the essay: Preparatory Questionnaire.Preparatory Questionnaire.

Personal Marketing Inventory.Personal Marketing Inventory.

Log of ideas and experiences.Log of ideas and experiences.

Read others essays.Read others essays.

Learn about medicine through experience.Learn about medicine through experience.


Topics - Selection and Development:Topics - Selection and Development: Description of irregularities in your record.Description of irregularities in your record.

The five common topic areas:The five common topic areas: Your motivation for a career as a physician.Your motivation for a career as a physician. The influence of your family / early experiences in life.The influence of your family / early experiences in life. The influence of extracurricular, work/volunteer activities on your life.The influence of extracurricular, work/volunteer activities on your life. Your long-term goals.Your long-term goals. Your personal philosophy.Your personal philosophy.

Description of irregularities in you record.Description of irregularities in you record.


Attributes Committee Look For:Attributes Committee Look For:Realistic self-assessment

Resourceful

Accountable

Cooperative

Persistent

Resilient

Reserve

Supported

Focused

Active Learner

Flexible

Efficient

Organized

Purposeful

Acknowledging limitations

Seeking help when appropriate

Accepting responsibility for learning

Working well with others

Completing tasks

Accepting disappointment and moving on

Good performance in activities without being distracted by them

Not isolating self from others

Concentration on task at hand

Integrating and applying new information

Willingness to change

Making good use of time

Systematically taking care of business

Setting long-term and short-term goals


The Most Common Essay Mistakes:The Most Common Essay Mistakes: Underestimating the Importance of the Essay.Underestimating the Importance of the Essay.

Using Excessive DetailUsing Excessive Detail

Failing to Make the Essay Personal.Failing to Make the Essay Personal.

Embellishing the Essay.Embellishing the Essay.

Failing to Proofread the Essay.Failing to Proofread the Essay.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: Manifest Destiny – Manifest Destiny –

Any essay that claims, “I was born to be a dentist,” or “Friends always tell me I should be a doctor,” or “At age ten I knew I wanted to be a pharmacist.” Any essay that claims, “I was born to be a dentist,” or “Friends always tell me I should be a doctor,” or “At age ten I knew I wanted to be a pharmacist.”

Spotlight your specific personality, not a destiny that seems larger than you.Spotlight your specific personality, not a destiny that seems larger than you.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: My Contribution to the World – My Contribution to the World –

It is naïve to say that you have your whole life mapped out already. It is naïve to say that you have your whole life mapped out already.

The “When I grow up, I want to be a … and save the rainforest” tells your reader nothing significant about you other then you’re a dreamer.The “When I grow up, I want to be a … and save the rainforest” tells your reader nothing significant about you other then you’re a dreamer.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: The Interpretive Guide – The Interpretive Guide –

Common essay type when one has blemishes on their academic record.Common essay type when one has blemishes on their academic record.

Refrain from telling an admissions officer to “count as significant” a particular item or that something “shouldn’t count”. Refrain from telling an admissions officer to “count as significant” a particular item or that something “shouldn’t count”.

State a problem briefly and then move on.State a problem briefly and then move on.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: The Traveling Resume – The Traveling Resume –

A rehash of your various activities. This is already found in the application.A rehash of your various activities. This is already found in the application.

It’s better to focus most of the essay around a single activity that offers sincere and deep insight into you. It’s better to focus most of the essay around a single activity that offers sincere and deep insight into you.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: The Cute Essay – The Cute Essay –

Videotapes may have been cool for college applications, but professional schools are a lot more serious.Videotapes may have been cool for college applications, but professional schools are a lot more serious.

No pictures, art, photos, or interpretive dance are necessary, or appreciated.No pictures, art, photos, or interpretive dance are necessary, or appreciated.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: Name Dropping – Name Dropping –

If you’ve worked with an important person in your field, ask him or her to write a recommendation for you.If you’ve worked with an important person in your field, ask him or her to write a recommendation for you.

Crafting an essay around who you know doesn’t leave enough room to discuss who Crafting an essay around who you know doesn’t leave enough room to discuss who youyou are.. are..


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: ““I’m Special” – I’m Special” –

An essay that claims, “You probably don’t get people like me very often…” is almost inevitably wrong.An essay that claims, “You probably don’t get people like me very often…” is almost inevitably wrong.

Don’t tell your readers that you are unique, show them through examples of where you spent your time and what you did.Don’t tell your readers that you are unique, show them through examples of where you spent your time and what you did.

Let the readers draw their own conclusions about your uniqueness.Let the readers draw their own conclusions about your uniqueness.


Essay Types To Avoid:Essay Types To Avoid: ““My father, my role model” – My father, my role model” –

While it may be useful to discuss the influence upon your life that someone has had, don’t devote your whole essay to the achievements of someone else.While it may be useful to discuss the influence upon your life that someone has had, don’t devote your whole essay to the achievements of someone else.

The personal statement should be about The personal statement should be about you.you.


Available Resources:Available Resources: Books in P.P.A.C.Books in P.P.A.C.

Internet. Internet2.Internet. Internet2.

Writing Center.Writing Center.

NAAHPNAAHP

Essay Edge.Essay Edge.


Sample Essay #1Sample Essay #1Robert F. Kennedy, during a campaign speech for the Presidency of the United States, said that "Tragedy Robert F. Kennedy, during a campaign speech for the Presidency of the United States, said that "Tragedy

is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live." It was a Friday night, on August is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live." It was a Friday night, on August 28th, 1992, when I was compelled to live that quotation. On the way home from Sabbath services with 28th, 1992, when I was compelled to live that quotation. On the way home from Sabbath services with my parents, two sisters, and brother, our car was struck by a drunk driver, killing my sister Sarah and my parents, two sisters, and brother, our car was struck by a drunk driver, killing my sister Sarah and severely injuring my family. As I lay in the hospital bed, tubes and machines surrounding me, I could severely injuring my family. As I lay in the hospital bed, tubes and machines surrounding me, I could only foresee a life of despondency. Now, five years later, I understand Kennedy's words; my only foresee a life of despondency. Now, five years later, I understand Kennedy's words; my despondency has changed into a strong commitment to help others. Less than a year after the despondency has changed into a strong commitment to help others. Less than a year after the accident, I took a course to become a certified emergency medical technician (EMT), having learned accident, I took a course to become a certified emergency medical technician (EMT), having learned from first-hand experience the importance of basic life-saving skills, I was determined to gain that from first-hand experience the importance of basic life-saving skills, I was determined to gain that knowledge. Once in college, I became actively involved with the Brandeis Emergency Medical Corps knowledge. Once in college, I became actively involved with the Brandeis Emergency Medical Corps (BEMCo), an organization of volunteer EMTs who respond to all emergency medical calls on campus. (BEMCo), an organization of volunteer EMTs who respond to all emergency medical calls on campus. The summer between my freshman and sophomore year, I worked for a private ambulance service in The summer between my freshman and sophomore year, I worked for a private ambulance service in Los Angeles. I found this experience very valuable because it brought me into the inner-city for the first Los Angeles. I found this experience very valuable because it brought me into the inner-city for the first time. I was exposed to individuals who lived on a daily basis with fear and uncertainty about their time. I was exposed to individuals who lived on a daily basis with fear and uncertainty about their health when some of the finest medical technology was just moments away. Intrigued by these issues, health when some of the finest medical technology was just moments away. Intrigued by these issues, I later enrolled in a specialized health, law and medicine program at Brandeis to study possible I later enrolled in a specialized health, law and medicine program at Brandeis to study possible solutions to the problems I saw …solutions to the problems I saw …


By the end of my sophomore year, I knew that I wanted to see for myself and learn more about the By the end of my sophomore year, I knew that I wanted to see for myself and learn more about the effects of diseases on the body. As a result, I took an internship at the UCLA Department of effects of diseases on the body. As a result, I took an internship at the UCLA Department of Pathology, where I began assisting in autopsies. I was able to apply the textbook description and Pathology, where I began assisting in autopsies. I was able to apply the textbook description and organ functions that I had previously learned into their clinical aspects. From this experience, I not organ functions that I had previously learned into their clinical aspects. From this experience, I not only acquired a greater appreciation of how the human body functions, but I also learned that only acquired a greater appreciation of how the human body functions, but I also learned that bodies are more than just organs and series of chemical reactions.bodies are more than just organs and series of chemical reactions.

I have come to realize that there is no deeper way of understanding the human face of medicine than I have come to realize that there is no deeper way of understanding the human face of medicine than to be a patient or clinician oneself. When I was growing up in France, my family and I had built a to be a patient or clinician oneself. When I was growing up in France, my family and I had built a deep-rooted relationship with our family physician. Dr. Celan knew each of our personal and deep-rooted relationship with our family physician. Dr. Celan knew each of our personal and medical history, and with love, attention, confidence, and trust cared for us and his other patients. medical history, and with love, attention, confidence, and trust cared for us and his other patients. I know from the accident that being alone in an emergency room can be very frightening. I also I know from the accident that being alone in an emergency room can be very frightening. I also know that regardless of how may shots of anesthetics I received that night; nothing helped me know that regardless of how may shots of anesthetics I received that night; nothing helped me more and gave me more strength than holding my doctor's hand. A simple human approach can more and gave me more strength than holding my doctor's hand. A simple human approach can bring significant results. bring significant results.

While no activity I take part in will ever bring my sister back, I can and will forever strive for the While no activity I take part in will ever bring my sister back, I can and will forever strive for the strength to take what I have learned from the accident and help others in her memory. I am now strength to take what I have learned from the accident and help others in her memory. I am now starting my fourth year in BEMCo. I have the primary responsibility for our three-person team, and starting my fourth year in BEMCo. I have the primary responsibility for our three-person team, and I am one of two supervisors for the Corps. Every time that I respond to an emergency, I look at the I am one of two supervisors for the Corps. Every time that I respond to an emergency, I look at the patient and see Sarah's beautiful face. I am reminded each time that even if I do not know these patient and see Sarah's beautiful face. I am reminded each time that even if I do not know these patients, they are still as important to someone as Sarah was and is to my family.patients, they are still as important to someone as Sarah was and is to my family.

Sample Essay #1Sample Essay #1


Last Sunday as I came back from the church buses for the children's ministry, one man asked how it Last Sunday as I came back from the church buses for the children's ministry, one man asked how it went and I said good. He then commented, "Well, it's different every week. I've been here seven went and I said good. He then commented, "Well, it's different every week. I've been here seven years and it's different every week," which caused me to smile. How fortunate that it is different years and it's different every week," which caused me to smile. How fortunate that it is different every week. There will never be a loss of finding something to do, or someone new to meet and every week. There will never be a loss of finding something to do, or someone new to meet and listen to.listen to.

When volunteering at Cancer Treatment Center on Mondays, I expect the patient visits will be good, When volunteering at Cancer Treatment Center on Mondays, I expect the patient visits will be good, but I never really know. I do not know if the patient that spoke to me for thirty minutes last week but I never really know. I do not know if the patient that spoke to me for thirty minutes last week about her daughter will even be conscious enough to recognize my face that day. I do not know if I about her daughter will even be conscious enough to recognize my face that day. I do not know if I will encounter hope, hostility, or sadness. I remember one morning I walked into a dim room will encounter hope, hostility, or sadness. I remember one morning I walked into a dim room where a bearded man sat looking into the distance, though looking at a wall. His eyes were where a bearded man sat looking into the distance, though looking at a wall. His eyes were somber and completely lost in the knowledge of his condition. He began to ramble about the news somber and completely lost in the knowledge of his condition. He began to ramble about the news his doctor had given him that he should go home and set his life in order before the cancer totally his doctor had given him that he should go home and set his life in order before the cancer totally took him over. He muttered about this place being his last hope and now he would have to fly took him over. He muttered about this place being his last hope and now he would have to fly home that day. As I left the center, I informed my supervisor of the situation and suggested that a home that day. As I left the center, I informed my supervisor of the situation and suggested that a chaplain be sent to this man's room. That morning I was brought to face the limitations of chaplain be sent to this man's room. That morning I was brought to face the limitations of medicine, and was glad to discern it from a handicap. Medicine is not a perfect field with the medicine, and was glad to discern it from a handicap. Medicine is not a perfect field with the solutions to save the world, but a piece of service to mankind. It addresses those who have hope solutions to save the world, but a piece of service to mankind. It addresses those who have hope for physical well-being as well as those who do not.for physical well-being as well as those who do not.



I find I cannot go back to my high school days when my dreams of being a doctor simulated visions of a I find I cannot go back to my high school days when my dreams of being a doctor simulated visions of a clean, tidy office full of cute babies waiting to be examined. Several years ago I spent a summer clean, tidy office full of cute babies waiting to be examined. Several years ago I spent a summer shadowing my father during his ENT surgeries. It was my pride that kept me concentrating on standing shadowing my father during his ENT surgeries. It was my pride that kept me concentrating on standing up straight and breathing deep as the sterile surgical smell filled my nostrils and tempted me to collapse up straight and breathing deep as the sterile surgical smell filled my nostrils and tempted me to collapse at the sight of tonsils scooped out like ice cream. It has been these types of experiences that have at the sight of tonsils scooped out like ice cream. It has been these types of experiences that have injected a shot of realism into my dreams and thus changed my perceptions of how it will be in the lush injected a shot of realism into my dreams and thus changed my perceptions of how it will be in the lush fields of medicine and how I fit in. I will work with people who have problems entirely real and more fields of medicine and how I fit in. I will work with people who have problems entirely real and more threatening than my trivial worries have ever been. These people will be of all ages, professions, and threatening than my trivial worries have ever been. These people will be of all ages, professions, and levels of society. They will also need someone in whom to entrust their health, their security. I meet levels of society. They will also need someone in whom to entrust their health, their security. I meet these people every day, and they have no clue that I notice or would like to help. I see the redheaded these people every day, and they have no clue that I notice or would like to help. I see the redheaded man who develops my film at the one hour photo has a limp, and wonder if it is a recurring injury or from man who develops my film at the one hour photo has a limp, and wonder if it is a recurring injury or from a recent accident. My hairdresser says she will give birth in just a month and I sit secretly wishing to be a recent accident. My hairdresser says she will give birth in just a month and I sit secretly wishing to be there and assist in the miracle. My father begins recovery free from a long month of radiation treatment, there and assist in the miracle. My father begins recovery free from a long month of radiation treatment, and I can only pray and hope to love him enough.and I can only pray and hope to love him enough.

I have asked myself again and again if being a physician is really who I am, or if there is something else. I have asked myself again and again if being a physician is really who I am, or if there is something else. After wrestling with this question, I realized that being a physician is not who I am, though it is an integral After wrestling with this question, I realized that being a physician is not who I am, though it is an integral part of me. Growing up under the shadow of my father, his example has shaped my ideology to believe part of me. Growing up under the shadow of my father, his example has shaped my ideology to believe that being an instrument in restoring others to health actually changes lives and this is what I have that being an instrument in restoring others to health actually changes lives and this is what I have grown to be a part of and is irrevocably a part of me. It is through this connection with medicine that I grown to be a part of and is irrevocably a part of me. It is through this connection with medicine that I see my paradigms of the world shift, and wake up to find that each day is different, new, and see my paradigms of the world shift, and wake up to find that each day is different, new, and challenging.challenging.



The most vivid image I have from this past year is that of a twelve year old child running up and The most vivid image I have from this past year is that of a twelve year old child running up and throwing her arms around her pediatrician and giving him a hug hello. Clinically, Violet was throwing her arms around her pediatrician and giving him a hug hello. Clinically, Violet was wasted; immunologicaly depressed, and had the height of an eight year-old and the weight of a six wasted; immunologicaly depressed, and had the height of an eight year-old and the weight of a six year-old. The sores in her mouth prevented her from eating normally; she fed herself through a year-old. The sores in her mouth prevented her from eating normally; she fed herself through a valve known as a "PEG tube" that poked out just northeast of her bellybutton. But now, in the valve known as a "PEG tube" that poked out just northeast of her bellybutton. But now, in the presence of her doctor, she was glowing.presence of her doctor, she was glowing.

She didn't get along terribly well with her classmates when she was well enough to go to school. Word She didn't get along terribly well with her classmates when she was well enough to go to school. Word got out that she was HIV+ and the kids around her taunted her about it until she cried. Her mother got out that she was HIV+ and the kids around her taunted her about it until she cried. Her mother wasn't any better. She ignored Violet on her good days; beat her on the bad ones. She told me wasn't any better. She ignored Violet on her good days; beat her on the bad ones. She told me that she would feed her daughter dog food when she didn't feel like cooking. It seemed as if a dark that she would feed her daughter dog food when she didn't feel like cooking. It seemed as if a dark cloud enveloped Violet when her mother would enter the room. But as soon as Dr. K walked in, cloud enveloped Violet when her mother would enter the room. But as soon as Dr. K walked in, that cloud lifted away and was replaced by a sparkling smile that widened her emaciated face. He that cloud lifted away and was replaced by a sparkling smile that widened her emaciated face. He was her friend.was her friend.

During the course of my studies at the Tulane University School of Public Health and Tropical During the course of my studies at the Tulane University School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine I saw a lot of patients like Violet. Some sicker, some healthier. Some older, some Medicine I saw a lot of patients like Violet. Some sicker, some healthier. Some older, some younger. Some richer, some poorer. I studied their charts and, more importantly, I studied them. younger. Some richer, some poorer. I studied their charts and, more importantly, I studied them. Whether I was at their bedside in the hospital, at the busy clinic just a stones-throwaway from the Whether I was at their bedside in the hospital, at the busy clinic just a stones-throwaway from the housing projects, or in a consultation office somewhere in the rural bayous of Louisiana, I learned housing projects, or in a consultation office somewhere in the rural bayous of Louisiana, I learned to listen to patients and absorb what I saw and what they felt. to listen to patients and absorb what I saw and what they felt.



The volumes of charts I examined for my research filled out the blanks in my spreadsheets. My The volumes of charts I examined for my research filled out the blanks in my spreadsheets. My coursework in biostatistics and epidemiology enabled me to analyze the data and look for trends. coursework in biostatistics and epidemiology enabled me to analyze the data and look for trends. The numbers told me that, yes, pediatric AIDS patients' nutritional status does improve with The numbers told me that, yes, pediatric AIDS patients' nutritional status does improve with aggressive nutritional sup- port and drug therapy despite the fact that there is no uniformly aggressive nutritional sup- port and drug therapy despite the fact that there is no uniformly successful treatment for cryptosporidiosis. This research will likely be published. But while my successful treatment for cryptosporidiosis. This research will likely be published. But while my charts and graphs deftly illustrate quantity of life, talking to a patient face to face provoked charts and graphs deftly illustrate quantity of life, talking to a patient face to face provoked thoughts about quality of life. I started to think about which was more important: a patient's serum thoughts about quality of life. I started to think about which was more important: a patient's serum albumin level or his desire to get out of the darn hospital so he can get home and play ball with the albumin level or his desire to get out of the darn hospital so he can get home and play ball with the neighborhood kids. I didn't come up with any answers, just more questions.neighborhood kids. I didn't come up with any answers, just more questions.

After our visit with Violet, Dr. K told me that a smile like hers made him forget all of the bad things that After our visit with Violet, Dr. K told me that a smile like hers made him forget all of the bad things that he'd seen that day, if only for a moment. I believe that the reverse is also true: For a moment, he'd seen that day, if only for a moment. I believe that the reverse is also true: For a moment, Violet forgot that she was dying. She found comfort in the presence of her doctor. The high quality Violet forgot that she was dying. She found comfort in the presence of her doctor. The high quality of care she received came not only from the years of training that her physician completed, but of care she received came not only from the years of training that her physician completed, but also from the person who dedicated his life to making his patients feel well in every sense of the also from the person who dedicated his life to making his patients feel well in every sense of the word.word.


week 4 personal statements kent l. barrus pre-professional advisor

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