Wednesday night

seminar

the three week planTonight - Discuss first 3 chapters

Parent your teen as if he or she is a child

Treat your teen as if he or she is an adult

Be inflexible with ‘rules’

January 11th - Discuss Chapters 4 - 6Expect your teen to be perfect in everything

Take responsibility for your teens behavior

Work hard at making your teen your friend

January 18th - Discuss Chapters 7 - 10Provide your teen with everything he or she wants

Make your teen the primary focus of your home

Allow your teen to argue with your or show disrespect

Take responsibility for your teens spirituality and faith

question of the year

“Why is it so hard to parent teenagers?”

“All teenagers are essentially crazy.” - Israel Galindo

question of the year

Psychometric Assessment

Assesses cognition, reasoning, logic, and critical thinking skills in adults

Teens test like a psychoticsubject - someone out of touchwith reality and doesn’t havethe capacity for rational thought

question of the year

So...are all teens insane?Parenting teens is so difficult - because they don’t think/reason like adults. They think/reason like TEENAGERS!

Teens can’t: Anticipate natural consequences of actions Reason like adults Understand that certain rules that govern everyone else on the planet don’t apply to them personally!

3 truths of parenting teens

1. Teens are in transition from childhood to adulthood. Your relationship with your teen needs to transition as well: from parenting to ‘coaching’ and ‘challenging’.

2. Parenting mistakes happen. They are not detrimental to parent or teen. NO PARENT IS PERFECT. Don’t try to pretend you’ve got it all down or that your child does either! Occasional mistakes do not shape us. Consistent patterns of relationships determine personality, attitude, outlook, and behavior.

3. Parents do matter to their teenagers! Teens are watching, listening, and learning from parents - whether you believe it or not. Doesn’t mean we must do everything right. Although times can be exhausting, giving up is not the answer either.

best way to ruin your teen

Parent your teen as if he or she is a child...

Parenting is over by the time a child is seven.

Parenting in this definition is - giving a child things which he or she cannot get from anywhere or anyone else.

as if he or she is a child

Consider these facts:He will have learned over half what he will learn in his life

She will have acquired her basic sense of self

He will have acquired his basic orientation to the world

She will have acquired the basic prejudices she will carry the rest of her life

He will have attained his basic level of self-esteem

as if he or she is a child

Consider these facts:She will have been inculcated with the basic values that will inform most of her life and influence most of her life decisions

He will have developed his basic faith orientation

She will have achieved her basic sexual and gender orientation

as if he or she is a child

The Rule to Follow:Change your parental posture. Coach and challenge your teen.

These two postures allow teaching values and principles about relationships while still letting the teen make their own decisions as they go.

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Treat your teen as if he or she is an adult...

Teenagers need boundaries and this behavior will allow them too much freedom too fast.

We ascribe more maturity and competence to our children than they usually actually deserve.

as if he or she is an adult

Teens think differently for two reasons:

Victims of developmental egocentricity Trouble seeing themselves in other people’s shoes

According to recent brain research, it takes the brain longer to mature than previously thought. Rules apply to me There are serious consequences when I break them

as if he or she is an adult

The Rule to Follow:Your teen is an emerging adult who needs YOU to provide boundaries, limits, and a principled example.

Not only are you legally responsible for them, they are still responsible to you, as their parent. Setting limits is appropriate and necessary for their well-being.

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Be inflexible with rules...

Our goal for teens is to guide them to self-sufficiency and self-discipline.

We ascribe more maturity and competence to our children than they usually actually deserve.

Be inflexible with rules

At this stage, the reason for the rules, are more important than the rules themselves.

Teens will challenge the rules - “All my friends’ parents say it’s ok.”

You know better than your teen...but they must understand the reasoning behind the way we do things in our family.

be inflexible with rules

It is important to be clear about your standards.

Your teen will not always agree...make your values known.

Teens need to constantly hear why you believe a rule is particularly relevant in a given situation.

Principles allow flexibility; rules provide constraint.

“Am I doing the right thing?”

be inflexible with rules

The Rule to Follow:Increase the level of freedom you allow your teenager as it is earned, but coupled with increased responsibility.