vw writing sample clr_concise writing

Vera Wallace Writing Sample – Training Materials

Learning Solutions

Business Writing Essentials

Clear and Concise

Writing Tips

# 1

Leader Guide

Author: V Wallace

Vera Wallace Writing Sample – For Review Purposes Only

Learning Solutions Group

Table of Contents

CLEAR AND CONCISE WRITING TIPS # 1 .................................................................. 5

Defining Our Terms .............................................................................................................. 5

Today’s Tips to Promote Clarity and Conciseness ............................................................ 5

Avoiding Run-On Sentences ............................................................................................... 6

Correction Methods............................................................................................................. 6

Run-On Sentences Practice ................................................................................................. 7

Avoiding Jargon ................................................................................................................... 8

Correction Methods............................................................................................................. 8

Example Jargon Corrections ............................................................................................... 9

Jargon Practice – One set of Solutions .............................................................................10

Using Active Voice ..............................................................................................................11

Active voice sentences: .....................................................................................................11

Active Voice – Good Quote ................................................................................................12

Avoiding Passive Voice ......................................................................................................12

Passive voice sentences: ...................................................................................................12

Quick Check ......................................................................................................................12

Active and Passive Voice Identification Practice - Solutions ...........................................13

Real Life Active Voice Example .........................................................................................13

Comparing Passive and Active Voice – When to Use? .....................................................14

Passive Voice – The Problems ..........................................................................................14

Passive Voice – The Positives ...........................................................................................14

Converting Passive Voice to Active ...................................................................................15

Example: ............................................................................................................................15

Active and Passive Voice Practice – One set of solutions ...............................................16



Clear and Concise Writing Tips # 1

In an age when information is so vital to businesses and customers, it is important to communicate that information as quickly and clearly as possible. This Lunch and Learn session provides review and practice of writing techniques that promote clear and concise business communication.

Defining Our Terms

Clarity

Using precise words and phrases to enhance accuracy; avoiding vague or meaningless communication;

Note: meaningless to the intended audience

Conciseness

“Using as few words as possible to say as much as possible”

— Ronnie Moore (Author, Speaker, Communication Coach)

Today’s Tips to Promote Clarity and Conciseness

Avoid run-on sentences

Avoid jargon terms

Use active voice

Avoid passive voice



Avoiding Run-On Sentences

A run-on sentence contains at least two independent clauses (complete thoughts each with a subject and a verb) which are forced together without the proper punctuation.

Example: Jason eats a pound of carrots every day and his skin has turned orange.

Correction Methods

You have several options for fixing run-on sentences:

1) Separate clauses using punctuation

2) Separate clauses using a conjunction

3) Rearrange the sentence (you may add or remove words).

Example Corrections using:

A period Jason eats a pound of carrots every day. His skin has turned orange.

A semicolon Jason eats a pound of carrots every day; his skin has turned orange.

A comma and conjunction

Jason eats a pound of carrots every day, and his skin has turned orange.

A reworded sentence

Because he eats a pound of carrots every day, Jason’s skin has turned orange.

Notes

LEADER NOTE:

SAY: How you fix the sentence depends on how you want the different thoughts to relate to each other, or what tone and rhythm you are trying to achieve.

For example, if you want to completely separate the two fused sentences, then you'd use a period.

If you want to keep more of a connection between the two thoughts, you could use a semicolon.

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample



Run-On Sentences Practice

Please reword these run-on sentences

1. Our operating cost doubled this year our profits increased five-fold.

2. Please call our customer service center at 1-800-555-1234 and advise us of the type of error messages you are receiving and we can then correct the problem.

3. Blue is my favorite color it is the color of the sky and the sea and it reminds me of my favorite insect which is the butterfly.

4. Chloe and Frank will show their presentation using an Omega-63 projector and we will see it at this week’s status meeting.

5. I'll translate the question for you and you can better understand it.

LEADER NOTE: Solve as class

Our operating cost doubled this year, and our profits increased five-fold.

Our operating cost doubled this year. Our profits increased five-fold.

This year, our operating costs doubled; however, our profits increased five-fold.

VW Writing Sample



Avoiding Jargon

Jargon is the specialized vocabulary, acronyms, or idioms used by those in the same work or profession. It is often meaningless to outsiders. Nevertheless, it can be a necessary timesaver in business. Jargon Examples

Terms Meaning

Bandwidth Capacity

Buy in Agreement on a course of action

Core Competency

Fundamental strength

DBA Doing Business As

Facetime To meet face to face

Leverage (as a verb)

To take advantage of

LTV Loan-to-value ratio

Out of pocket Unavailable

REO Real estate owned

RESPA: Real Estate Settlement Procedures Act

Scalablity r Refers to how flexible a system is in response to increases in usage (for example, increases in the number of users to a system; or, in the number of hits to a website)

SCRA Servicemembers Civil Relief Act

Short sale Selling a mortgaged property for less than what is owed on the mortgaged balance to satisfy the loan and avoid foreclosure

VA Veteran’s Administration

Correction Methods

1) Write out full terms or titles instead of using acronyms.

2) Practice writing out or verbally defining every jargon term you use

3) (RADICAL) Do not accept documentation that includes words not found in a standard dictionary or that substitute overused business phrases for an overall concept.

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample



Example Jargon Corrections

1. ABC Financial Inc. dba Quality Loan Services mailed the yearly escrow statements to the customers.

Alternate:

Vantium Capital Inc. doing business as Acqura Loan Services mailed the yearly escrow statements to the customers.

2. To be eligible for the SCRA protection, you must meet these requirements:

Alternate:

To be eligible for the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) protection, you must meet these requirements:

3. We are moving to SharePoint 2012 to simplify future scalability.

Alternate:

We are upgrading to SharePoint 2012 to address our future system needs with significantly more users.

4. This year to increase profits, we are going to focus on our core competencies of delivery within 30 minutes of good tasting pizza.

Alternate:

This year to increase profits, we are going to focus on our organization’s strengths of delivering good-tasting pizza within 30 minutes.

Notes

VW Writing Sample



Jargon Practice – One set of Solutions

Please reword these sentences to remove the jargon phrases.

1. If you hope to get anything done, you'll need management buy-in.

Alternate:

2. Stephanie is out of pocket Monday and Tuesday of next week.

Alternate:

3. I just don't have the bandwidth to handle this today.

Alternate:

4. Jeff managed to get some facetime with the mayor on Thursday.

Alternate:

If you hope to get anything done, you’ll need management to agree with the plan.

Stephanie is out of the office on Monday and Tuesday of next week.

I just don't have the resources to handle this today. (But, I’m going to check with my manager on my priorities to see how soon I can be available to address this matter.)

Jeff met with the mayor on Thursday.

VW Writing Sample



Using Active Voice

Most business writing should use the “active voice” for sentence structure. This type of writing is more forceful and easier to understand. Active voice occurs when the subject of the sentence does the action.

Example: Kyle hit the ball.

Kyle hit the ball subject action

Active voice sentences:

The doer performs the action.

There is usually a done to (i.e., object) but not always.

doer action done to

who or what does what to whom or to what

Our Example

Kyle hit the ball.

who or what does what to whom or to what

Example

Active: They made a payment.

Passive: A payment was made by them.

Compare:

Choice A: The evaluation is generally accomplished through a team effort.

Choice B: We usually use a team for our evaluation.

Which sentence uses the active voice?

Choice B

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample



Active Voice – Good Quote

“Active voice is almost always the shorter, simpler, clearer way to go. It’s the more effective way to keep our readers engaged in the subjects of our memos and letters.

— Write It Right

Avoiding Passive Voice

Passive voice occurs when the subject is being done to the subject. In passive voice sentences, the subject receives the action.

Example: The ball was hit by Kyle.

The ball was hit by Kyle subject action object

Passive voice sentences:

The subject receives the action.

The verb will contain always a form of the verb “to be.” (helping verbs)

The main verb will be written always in the past form.

The sentence will contain often a “by” phrase followed by the doer.

“To Be” Verb Review

Any form of the verb “to be” (is, been, am, was, were,…)

Our Example

The ball was hit by Kyle

object becomes subject action actor becomes object

Quick Check

The loan issue was referred to our attorney.

Which voice was used in the above sentence: (Passive voice)

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample



Active and Passive Voice Identification Practice - Solutions

Use this exercise to practice distinguishing between active and passive voice sentences. Be sure to follow these instructions:

– Place an A next to the sentences written in active.

– Place a P next to those written in passive voice.

– Write the doer of the action in the sentence in the right column.

– If the doer is unknown, write a question mark (?)

A/P Doer/ ?

P 1. The dog is fed by Thomas. Thomas

P 2. The game had been won by ten points. ?

A 3. The stunt man risked his life. The stunt man

P 4. The problem was solved. ?

P 5. Certified mail will not be released without the designated

receiver’s signature. ?

A 6. He left college because his health was impaired. He

Trick A – 1st P – 2nd

7. Mortgage branches must retain original documents for closed loans until authorization to destroy is received from the Records Department.

1st- Mortgage branches 2nd – Records Dept.

Real Life Active Voice Example

Instructions First Draft

Decide whether the following sentences are written in the active or passive voice.

Rewrite

Use this exercise to practice distinguishing between active and passive voice sentences. Place an A next to the sentences written in active. Place a P next to those written in passive voice.

VW Writing Sample

VW Writing Sample



Comparing Passive and Active Voice – When to Use?

This next section discusses the positives and negatives for using passive or active voice.

Passive Voice – The Problems

The negatives with passive voice sentences include:

The sentences are wordy and roundabout

They slow the reader down

They hide responsibility

Often, they are unnatural and dull

Passive Voice – The Positives

Sometimes using passive voice is more appropriate than using active. When you want to be tactful or when the doer is unknown or unimportant, passive voice may be the better sentence choice.

Use passive voice:

When the doer is unknown.

The stadium was built in 1984.

When the doer is unimportant.

The materials were shipped on Wednesday.

When the doer is better left unsaid. (When using tact or conveying bad news.)

The payment was received with an over 30-days past due status.

VW Writing Sample



Converting Passive Voice to Active

Here are five steps you can use to change a sentence in passive voice to active voice:

1. Identify the subject

Ask: “What is the real subject or actor in the sentence?” (Write this down)

2. Identify the verb phrase

Ask: “What action is taking place?” (Write this down)

3. Change the passive voice subject into the object of the sentence.

Remember: You are moving the passive voice subject from the beginning of the sentence to the end of the sentence.

4. Remove the helping verbs (the “to be” verbs)

5. Change the past tense verb to active form.

Example:

Passive Sentence

The report was written by Jay.

Active Construction:

Jay was wrote the report.

subject active verb object

VW Writing Sample



Active and Passive Voice Practice – One set of solutions

Please reword these sentences to change passive voice into active voice.

1. The practice of monogamy is observed by storks.

Alternate:

2. The house will be built by the construction crew in five months.

Alternate:

3. The game had been won by ten points.

Alternate:

4. The parade was attended by over 25,000 people.

Alternate:

5. More products and services are provided by our organization than any other mortgage servicing company in Texas.

Alternate:

Storks observe the practice of monogamy. Storks practice monogamy.

The construction crew will build the house in five months.

Over 25,000 people attended the parade.

Our organization provides more products and services than any other mortgage servicing company in Texas.

The team won the game by ten points.

VW Writing Sample



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Solutions

Run-On Sentences Practice

Please reword these run-on sentences

1. Our operating cost doubled this year our profits increased five-fold.

2. Please call our customer service center at 1-800-555-1234 and advise us of the type of error messages you are receiving and we can then correct the problem.

3. Blue is my favorite color it is the color of the sky and the sea and it reminds me of my favorite insect which is the butterfly.

4. Chloe and Frank will show their presentation using an Omega-63 projector and we will see it at this week’s status meeting.

5. I'll translate the question for you and you can better understand it.

Solve as class

Our operating cost doubled this year, and our profits increased five-fold.

Our operating cost doubled this year. Our profits increased five-fold.

This year, our operating costs doubled; however, our profits increased five-fold.

Solve as class Please call our customer service center at 1-800-555-1234 to advise us of the type of

error messages you are receiving. Then, we can then correct the problem.

Blue is my favorite color because it is the color of the sky and the sea. The color also reminds me of my favorite insect, which is the butterfly.

Chloe and Frank will show their presentation using an Omega-63 projector. We will see it at this week’s status meeting. At this week’s status meeting, we will see Chloe and Frank’s presentation. They are going to use the latest Omega-63 projector for this viewing!

I'll translate the question for you so you can better understand it.

VW Writing Sample



Jargon Practice – One set of Solutions

Please reword these sentences to remove the jargon phrases.

1. If you hope to get anything done, you'll need management buy-in.

Alternate:

2. Stephanie is out of pocket Monday and Tuesday of next week.

Alternate:

3. I just don't have the bandwidth to handle this today.

Alternate:

4. Jeff managed to get some facetime with the mayor on Thursday.

Alternate:

If you hope to get anything done, you’ll need management to agree with the plan.

Stephanie is out of the office on Monday and Tuesday of next week.

I just don't have the resources to handle this today. (But, I’m going to check with my manager on my priorities to see how soon I can be available to address this matter.)

Jeff met with the mayor on Thursday.

VW Writing Sample



Active and Passive Voice Identification Practice - Solutions

Use this exercise to practice distinguishing between active and passive voice sentences. Be sure to follow these instructions:

– Place an A next to the sentences written in active.

– Place a P next to those written in passive voice.

– Write the doer of the action in the sentence in the right margin.

– If the does is unknown, write a question mark (?)

A/P Doer/ ?

P 1. The dog is fed by Thomas. Thomas

P 2. The game had been won by ten points. ?

A 3. The stunt man risked his life. The stunt man

P 4. The problem was solved. ?

P 5. Certified mail will not be released without the designated

receiver’s signature. ?

A 6. He left college because his health was impaired. He

Trick A – 1st P – 2nd

7. Mortgage branches must retain original documents for closed loans until authorization to destroy is received from the Records Department.

1st- Mortgage branches 2nd – Records Dept.

VW Writing Sample



Active and Passive Voice Practice – One set of solutions

Please reword these sentences to change passive voice into active voice.

1. The practice of monogamy is observed by storks.

Alternate:

2. The house will be built by the construction crew in five months.

Alternate:

3. The game had been won by ten points.

Alternate:

4. The parade was attended by over 25,000 people.

Alternate:

5. More products and services are provided by our organization than any other mortgage servicing company in Texas.

Alternate:

Storks observe the practice of monogamy. Storks practice monogamy.

The construction crew will build the house in five months.

Over 25,000 people attended the parade.

Our organization provides more products and services than any other mortgage servicing company in Texas.

The team won the game by ten points.

VW Writing Sample

vw writing sample clr_concise writing

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