Victim of A Sullied Past Will you still love me despite my impurities?

Gwen Samaniego Mikko Evangelista

Rain Gonzales Neshian Salvatierra

01 February 2010 – 22 May 2010 © sweetrax

All events, characters in this story are fictitious. Any similarities to real persons or events are purely coincidental.

Prologue It was during the summer of my junior year when I first met Mikko. I was fifteen then, and he was seventeen. He had the typical boy-next-door look which makes every girl in the room swoon over him. Rumors about him being a playboy started to spread but I didn’t give a damn. We got close until eventually he started giving signs of liking me too. Most of our friends discouraged me of agreeing to be his girlfriend, but again, I didn’t give a damn. After a year of courting, I finally said yes to him. The moments we spent together were the happiest part of my teenage life—so far. Until that fateful event happened. July 14, 2008 Today, I celebrate my sixteenth birthday with the love of my life, Mikko. I even asked my Mom to allow me to spend the whole day with him. Good thing, Mom likes Mikko as my boyfriend, so she gave a ‘yes’ for her answer. “Gwen,” he said huskily as he buries his head on my shoulders. “What now, love? You’re drunk already.” He finished five bottles of San Mig Light already. His tolerance for alcohol is so low that drinking just three bottles of beer will knock him down. Just like now. He’s talking gibberish. “Gwen, let’s do it.”

“Do what?” “Sex.” See what I mean? Alcohol already consumed his mind. He’s talking nonsense now. “Quit fooling around, love. C’mon, I’ll take you to your room.” “Hmmm.” Somehow, I managed to carry him to his room. Imagine me carrying an eighteen-year-old boy, weighing around a hundred and thirty or so pounds. Imagine the hardship I went through as we go up the stairs. We almost tripped down, but luckily we didn't. God is good; He saved us. “Gwen,” he mumbled as I lay him down on his bed. “Oh?” “Sex. Let’s do it. Now.” “You’re drunk, Mikko. You don’t know what you’re saying.” “I said I want us to have sex.” He suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me down. He kissed me forcefully as if my lips were about to crush. I tried to resist but he’s just too strong for me. I am no match to his strength. “Please, Mikko, don’t do this.” “Shut up, Gwen. I’ve been dying to do this since the first day I met you.” He forced himself to have me. I resisted as hard as I can but I am so small compared to him. “Please stop…” I was crying so hard but there was nothing that I could do. I was violated. By my boyfriend. On my sixteenth birthday. Now tell me, will I ever have someone to love me for who I really am? Will I ever find someone who’ll love me despite of my impurity?

I. Still with him “Gwen, you’re spacing out again.” As soon as I heard Neshian’s voice, I shifted my gaze towards her. She was standing right in front of my table, her hands on her hips. She looks like a mother ready to scold her child for disobeying her rules. “Sorry, Nesh. May iniisip lang.” “Yeah, right. You better hurry up. Mikko’s waiting for you outside.” “Thanks,” I said then fixed my things. “I’m going now.” “Take care, Gwen.” It’s been two years since that fateful day. It’s been two years since Mikko forced me to have sex with him. And it’s been two years since I started living with him. Yes, I am living with Mikko—whether I like it or not. My Mom imposed that decision when she learned about what happened between me and Mikko. Though my Mom knew that something happened to us, she never found out about the truth—the truth that I was raped. When Mikko confessed to my Mom that he touched me, he told her a different story. He made my Mom believe that we both wanted what happened. “There you are, baby.” As soon as I approached him, he pulled me closer and gave me a forceful kiss. If we are at home, this kiss might lead to something else. Good thing, we are in a public place—the school’s parking lot to be exact—I have every reason to pull away. You wouldn’t want to know what he will do to me if I reject him. “We are in a public place, Mikko. Get a hold of yourself.” “Right. We’ll continue this later,” he said as he pull away and enter his car. I was quite shocked to see his friends inside his car. I guess there will be another drinking session at home. “Hi Gwen,” said Rain, Mikko’s best friend. “Hi Rain.” Those were the last words I’ve said as we leave my school and as we arrive in our house. Two years. That’s quite a long time, right? I’ve been carrying this burden for two years now. The only consolation I have is Eliah. He’s such an angel to me. With just one look at him, all my troubles are washed away. If only we could escape this mess. If only… “Gwen, can you buy some beers for us?” “Yeah, sure.” As if I have any other choice. I was about to leave when somebody caught my arm. It was Rain. He was smiling sweetly at me. The way he looks at me, it was as if I were the most beautiful girl in the world. If he knew about what happened to me, will he still look at me the same way as he does now? “Samahan na kita, Gwen.” “It’s okay, Rain. I can manage. Baka hinahanap ka na nila Mikko doon.” “Just let them be. Malalaki na sila. Kaya na nila mag-isa.”

“Aryt, if you say so.” Silence ensued as we walk towards the store. It’s as if nobody wants to speak. As we neared the house, Rain finally broke the silence. “Gwen?” “Hmm?” “Do you really love Mikko that much?” “Y-yeah, I guess so.” I was quite taken aback with his question. I never thought that Rain would talk to me like this. He usually ignores me just like Mikko’s other friends. “Sigurado ka ba sa sagot mo?” “Why won’t I be sure?” “I don’t know. I somehow felt that you’re forced to be with him. Why don’t you leave him instead? Kung napipilitan ka lang, that is.” “Wala kang alam sa mga bagay-bagay, Rain.” “C’mon, Gwen. I may not know a lot about your relationship with Mikko but I can feel that you’re not that happy being with him. Bakit nasa tabi ka pa rin niya kahit mukhang napipilitan ka lang?” “Dahil kailangan.” For Mom, for Eliah. For myself.

II. Lover or toy I left Rain standing outside the gate. I can’t bear to hear more of his questions. His every word pulls a knot in my chest. He was right. I should leave Mikko. The thing is I just can’t do that. I’ve been trying to convince myself for years that Mikko doesn’t love me anymore. He’s just using me. No matter how many times I try to convince myself, I always end up submitting myself under his will. I am under his spell—rather, his lies. I guess I will forever be under his control as long as Eliah’s innocent. “Mikko, I’ll just visit Eliah—” “Nah, stay here for a while.” With his rage in mind, I opted to sit beside him rather than visit Eliah. I wouldn’t want his friends to see what he does to me if he doesn’t get what he wants. “You know my friends, right? Rain, Hunter, Ace, Mark, Glen, and Miguel.” “Hi,” I said timidly. “You are so lucky, Mikko. You have Gwen as you’re girlfriend. She’s a lot prettier than your ex-girlfriends.” “I have standards, Glen. I don’t go for easy-to-get girls.” “I guess it is Gwen that we have to commend here. Buti at napagtiyagaan niya si Mikko!” The boys laughed while I just smiled at Mark’s comment.

“Nah, you’re just jealous `cause you can’t get girlfriends as beautiful as my Gwen here.” “Ay, teka. Hindi yata maka-relate si Rain!” Another bout of laughter enveloped the living room. Unlike the six boys, Rain was just smiling foolishly. From the looks of it, he was just playing along with his friends. It seems like the topic opened a fresh wound in his heart. “Have you had any girlfriends in the past, Rain?” “No, never had one.” “Flings, perhaps?” asked Miguel. “Same answer, no.” “Have you ever been in love?” I can’t help but ask. He looked at me intently and said, “I am, right now.” “Oooooh,” the boys said in chorus. “Then why don’t you court her?” “I’d love to but she’s taken already.” “Then be a third party!” Mikko suggested. “I respect her and her boyfriend. I am willing to wait.” “Wait in vain? C’mon, Rain, don’t fool yourself. Agawin mo na kung pwedeng maagaw!” Rain glanced at me for a while. What’s with him? He’s been glancing at me every now and then. “Go for it, Rain. Malay mo, may pag-asa pala. However, if you’re aiming for my Gwen here, back off, dude. I ain’t giving her away.” “Why would I aim for Gwen, Mikko? I respect you, man. Best friend kita,” said Rain with a forced smile on his face. “That’s good to know. It goes out for everyone, too. Gwen’s mine. I don’t have any plans on giving her away.” “Ang damot mo naman, Mikko! You should share your blessings!” “Nauna ako. I plan to keep her, Hunter. So, back off.” What am I to you, Mikko? Are you really just possessive or you just don’t want your toy to be taken away from you? Am I your lover or your toy?

III. Eliah The boys continued talking about girls, cars, games, and gadgets. Around nine in the evening, they were already knocked down. I can freely go out of the house now and visit Eliah. The boys will surely wake up by tomorrow morning. After fixing the mess in the living room, I changed my clothes and readied the things I need to bring. I went out through the back door so Mikko won’t hear me go out. I was half-running as I go out of the house. I am afraid that Mikko might catch me as I run away from home.

I was three streets away when I slowed my pace down. I was already composed, but then a black car stopped right in front of me. My heart started to beat faster as fear consumed my being. I was holding my breath as the driver’s side’s window rolls down. “`Want a ride?” “Rain!” “O, bakit para kang nakakita ka ng multo dyan?” “H-ha? I thought you’re Mikko.” “He’s fast asleep in your house. Hop in.” “It’s okay, Rain. I can wait for a cab. You can go now.” “C’mon, I really followed you. Ihahatid na kita.” I accepted Rain’s invitation and asked him to drop me at my Mom’s house. As we were on the way to Mom’s house, no one dared to utter a single word. “You want to come in first?” I asked Rain when we arrived in Mom’s house. He just nodded then followed me as we enter the house. I went straight to the second floor and entered the nursery. A smile formed on my lips as soon as I’ve seen my bundle of joy. He was sleeping on the bed with my Mom sleeping beside him. I took my digital camera and captured that moment. I can’t help but admire my little Eliah. He’s the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. I glanced at Rain who was standing behind me and looking confused. He must have been wondering about the baby. I grabbed his hand and brought him nearer to the bed. “He’s Eliah. Isn’t he the cutest baby?” “Wow, he’s like your male version, huh.” “Mom said that too when we first saw him.” “Is he your brother?” I looked at Rain, smiled sweetly at him and said, “He’s my baby.”

“For real?” “Yeah. He’s around eight months old.” “Is Mikko the father?” “Yeah.” I smiled bitterly. Flashbacks of the incident two years ago started recurring. “Does he know?” “Of course, he does.” “Woah. You’re a mom at eighteen?” “Seventeen. I’ll be turning eighteen five months from now.”

“Does Mikko acknowledge the child as his own?” “Yeah, but he doesn’t want Eliah to stay at home. That’s why Mom’s taking care of Eliah.” I lifted Eliah and hugged him. I missed my child. It’s been a week since I last saw him. It feels refreshing and overwhelming to finally hug and kiss Eliah. I wanted to visit him during the past days but Mikko wouldn’t let me. He doesn’t care about Eliah—doesn’t care at all. “Do you want to carry Eliah?” I asked Rain. He’s looking at Eliah lovingly. I can see fondness in his eyes. Fondness that should have been Mikko’s emotion towards his child. “Pwede ba?” “Sure.” Happiness was evident in his face the moment he held Eliah in his arms. I can’t help but wish that it was actually Mikko who was holding Eliah right now. Rain seems more like the father of Eliah with the way he’s holding my baby right now. I grabbed my camera and took a shot of them together. Rain was pleased while my baby looks peaceful. It was picture perfect.

IV. Wounds “Hey, Gwen.” “Hey.” “What’s with the bag?” Neshian was referring to my overnight bag. Well, it’s unusual to bring that kind of bag when you’re having a class for just four hours, but my bag doesn’t contain school stuff. It was full of clothes good for one to two days. “Just some stuff.” “I’m your best friend. Go on, spill it.” I just looked at her and she knew what’s going on. She grabbed my hand then dragged me towards the teacher. “Ma’am, may we go out? Gwen is not feeling well. I’ll escort her to the clinic.” I faked a cough and acted as if I am feeling weak. “Alright, you can go now.” As soon as we got out of the room, Neshian guided me towards the girl’s comfort room. She knew what already happened. “Let me see them, Gwen.” As I take my jacket off, I slowly felt my tears run down my cheeks. It felt as though I've been subjected to the same hell I've been through last night. I could vividly imagine everything that happened last night-- the torment that could only be found in hell. “Binugbog ka na naman niya, ano?” I couldn’t utter a single word. I couldn't seem to do anything but cry as I hold on to the pain I have so

grudgingly kept within my heart. Nesh approached me and hugged me tight. She didn’t say a word. She just let me cry as long as I want. “Stay with me for a night or two.” I nodded as my reply. “Palipasin mo muna init ng ulo ni Mikko.” “T-thanks, Nesh.” When I finally calmed down, Nesh brought me to the clinic where she took care of my bruises and wounds. “O, napano yan?” asked the nurse. “Nadapa lang po ako kahapon.” After nursing my wounds, we decided to skip our class. Instead, we went to our tambayan where I once again reminisced everything that happened-- poured my heart out so much that it hurt. “Why did he hurt you? Napapadalas yata ang pambubugbog niya sa’yo?” “Nahuli kasi niya ako.” “Nahuli?” “He saw me with Rain the other night. He knew that I went out to see Eliah. He was so mad. The next thing I knew, he was already hitting me.”

V. Fears “Rain and I went home at around 11PM. Rain just dropped me off because he has to attend to some emergency at home. I thanked him for coming with me and for taking care of Eliah. He said that he’ll visit Eliah some time because he really liked Eliah. After that, he left and I went inside the house. I didn’t know that Mikko was already awake. Usually, he’d wake up the next day whenever alcohol knocks him down.” “So you’re telling that Mikko saw you being dropped off by Rain?” “Yeah, he was looking through the window pala. As soon as I opened the door, he grabbed my hand then dragged me towards our room in the second floor. I nearly fell while we were going up the stairs because he was in a hurry. His grip was so tight that it hurts so much. He pushed me so hard that I fell on the floor.” Whenever Mikko gets mad, he would often resort to violence. If not violence, then it would be something else. I never had the slightest idea that he would turn out to be the person that he is today. He was the sweetest and most thoughtful guy I’ve known—before my sixteenth birthday, that is. “What did he do next?” “He dragged me up by the hair. It was so painful. He slapped me many times, punched me in the stomach, and whipped me with his belt. I feel like I was in hell when he was doing those things to me.” “What was his reason for hurting you?” “He knew I visited Eliah. Saka, lumalandi daw ako. At sa best friend niya pa.” “Tsk. Does Tita Amanda know about this?” “She doesn’t know anything.” Just like you don’t know that I was raped. Yes, nobody knew that I was raped. I never told anyone about what really happened to me during my sixteenth birthday. It would be a shame if they all knew about it. I’m afraid of what they will think about me. I’m scared of their judgments. “Why don’t you tell your Mom? She needs to know about this so she can protect you.”

“I can’t. She might die.” My mom has a heart condition. Any bad news is fatal for her. When she learned that I was pregnant at the age of sixteen, she almost died. She had a heart attack the moment she heard me say the word pregnant. I don’t want her to go through the same ordeal if I tell her that I am beaten almost everyday. The reason for not telling Mom that I was raped was the same. Mikko convinced me that I should not tell anyone that he violated me. If I do, he would tell Mom about it. He blackmails me. He knows that I am weak when it comes to Mom. He used it for his advantage. I don’t want my Mom to suffer. That’s why I am enduring all the pain in exchange for Mom’s safety. “Oo nga pala. Tita has a heart condition.” “Yeah.” “Anyway, stay with me for the next two days then go back to your Mom’s house for a while. Let Mikko cool down first.” “I guess you’re right. I’ll probably stay with Mom for a couple of weeks. I guess it’s time to stand up for myself. I’ve been living under Mikko’s shadow for two years.” It’s now time to face my fears.

VI. Accidents happen

It’s been two weeks since I left Mikko. Those days were pure bliss. It was completely different from the days I spend with Mikko. Being with my Eliah lightens my day while being with Mikko burdens me.

Today is Saturday and I am feeling nauseous. I’ve been sick since the week started. I don’t know if it’s just flu or whatever. I’m going to have a check up later to see what’s wrong with me. I have a hunch, though, of what might be the cause of this sickness. Maybe, just maybe, I am pregnant again.

KNOCK KNOCK “Ma’am Gwen, may bisita po kayo.” “Thanks, Yaya Jo. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” After five minutes, I got out of my room and straight to the living room to face my unexpected visitor. It was Rain. He’s been visiting frequently to see Eliah. During his visits, we would talk about anything under the sun—from our family to random things. From our talks, I realized that we share a lot of things in common. I can say that we’re close friends already. “Hi Rain! Kamusta?” I said then kissed him on the cheeks.

“I’m doing fine. I missed you already. I mean, you and Eliah.” “Yeah, right. Are you here for Eliah?” “Yup, is he here today?” “He’s out for the moment. Mom brought him to Daddy’s place. Daddy misses Eliah.” “I see. So can I see Eliah’s mom instead?”

“You’re seeing her right now.”

Like every time he visits, we spent time talking and kidding around. I had fun talking to him. It was like I’ve known him since forever. I really enjoy his company every time he visits. “Hey, Rain, I’m wondering if you can drop me off to the hospital.” “Right now?” I nodded. “Sure.” So there, Rain dropped me off in the hospital. I went straight to my Ob-gyne to have my check up. The doctor asked for a urine test to confirm my hunch. After a few minutes, the result was out. “So Dr. Ancheta, what’s the result?” “Congratulations, Ms. Samaniego. You’re six weeks pregnant.” Did I hear it right? I’m six weeks pregnant? For real? “Woah. I’m… I’m actually speechless.” The doctor and I talked some more about my current condition. He gave me a list of vitamins I’m supposed to take so the baby would be healthy. After the check up, I went straight to our house—mine and Mikko’s—so I can tell him the news. I want to tell him about it right away. After all, he deserves to know because he’s the father of this child. I hailed a cab and gave the address to the driver. I’m nervous. I don’t know how Mikko will react to this. Will he accept it? Will he get mad? Will he ask for an abortion—which I will surely object? I don’t know. I’m completely clueless. When I arrived, I went inside and looked for Mikko. He usually doesn’t have classes on a Saturday. If he’s not watching TV, then he might be sleeping in our room. I went to our room since he wasn’t in the living room. I was right. He was in the room, sleeping soundly, snoring loudly. He must have been tired. I approached him to have a closer look at his face. I admit, I still find him handsome. I still… love him, though it’s not as passionate as it used to be. “Mikko,” I whispered as I caressed his face. He moved a bit then later on, he opened his eyes. He was shocked to see me. His eyes popped out of its sockets in surprise. “Gwen!” “Hey, I just dropped by to tell you something.” “What is it? Uh… can you just g-go out for a while?” “H-ha? Don’t wo—” “Baby, what’s going on?”

Am I seeing things right? There’s a girl on the bed with Mikko and she’s freaking naked? “G-Gwen, I can explain!” “Oh, gosh! I-I didn’t know you’re here. I’m sorry.” I felt my tears run down my cheeks. Gahd, I can’t believe that he’s actually cheating on me! So after all, I’m

just a toy to him. I’m just a trophy girlfriend.

“No need to explain. I’ll leave you two alone.” I ran as fast as I could. I want to get away from this house immediately. I was blocks away when I felt a

searing pain. I felt a hot liquid dripping down my legs. Oh, goodness, I’m bleeding.

Please, not my baby. A black car stopped right in front of me. The driver got out of the car and assisted me. Due to my blurred vision brought by my tears, I couldn’t figure who is this man. I only recognized the man because of his voice. “Gwen! You’re bleeding!” “R-ra…Ra---in.” Everything went black.

VII. Truth A crucifix and white walls. I must be in the hospital, I thought as I opened my eyes. There was a throbbing pain in my head and an empty feeling in my womb. I held my womb with the thought. My baby’s alive right? “Hey, honey, you’re awake.” “Dad, is my baby okay?” Daddy sat on the bed and stroked my hair. I felt a soothing feeling as Dad continues to stroke my hair. “Shh. Don’t worry about it, honey.” He smiled sadly. “Dad, is my baby okay?” I sounded frustrated this time. “Alright, I’ll call Dr. Ancheta.” Dad went out to call the doctor. As if on cue, Rain entered the room and took Dad’s place a while ago. “Hey, how are you feeling?” “I’m scared, Rain. I’m scared for my baby.” “Don’t be. I’m here for you. Your Mom, Dad and Eliah’s here for you, too.” “I d-don’t know. My baby’s barely six weeks old.” “Sshh. Calm down, okay? We’ll receive the news together. I’ll be here for you.” It’s a good thing Rain is here. Somehow, I feel ready to hear whatever news the doctor will bring. He’s being strong for me, so I will be strong, too. “Thanks for bring me here, Rain. We would have died there.” “You’re welcome. Can I just ask what happened? Why were you running away?” “I dropped by Mikko’s house to tell him the news, but I caught him sleeping with someone else. I was so upset with what I saw, Rain. I wanted to get away from him that’s why I ran away. Then I felt a searing pain and I started bleeding.” “I’m apologizing for Mikko. That guy has some family problems right now. He’s not his usual self lately.”

I was about to say something but then, Dad entered the room with Dr. Ancheta, Mom, and Eliah. “Good morning, Ms. Samaniego. We meet again.” “Let’s get straight to the point, Doc. Is my baby okay?” Rain held my hand and squeezed it tightly. It was as if he’s telling that he’ll be there no matter what. “I’m sorry, Ms. Samaniego, but your baby didn’t make it. You had a miscarriage. I’m sorry.” Rain hugged me and allowed me to cry on his chest. It hurts so much. I lost my baby—my six-week-old

baby.

“Sshh. It’ll be okay Gwen. Eliah’s still here. I’m still here. Your parents are still here. We won’t leave you.”

Those were the last words I’ve heard before I fell asleep. Buti pa si Rain, kahit di ko kaanu-ano palaging nasa tabi ko. Samantalang si Mikko, ginagago lang ako. Sana si katulad na lang ni Rain si Mikko. I was sleeping peacefully until I’ve heard loud voices. I took a peak and saw Mom and Mikko talking. No, more like arguing. They were arguing inside the room. I pretended to sleep so I can hear what they’re talking about. “I trusted you, Mikko. I let my daughter live with you. Pero anong ginawa mo? Ginago mo!Tell me, ano pang ginagawa mo sa anak ko?” “I’m sorry, Tita Amanda. I was just problematic that time. I was drunk!” “I don’t know Mikko, but I’m taking my daughter back. You’re not taking care of her. You’re the reason why Gwen had a miscarriage!” “But Tita…” “But what? You broke the trust that I’ve given you, Evangelista. I’m taking Gwen back. I’m not giving her back to you unless she begs for it.” “Fine! I don’t care.” I heard the door shut. I’m finally free from Mikko. For the mean time.

VIII. Companion It’s been two months since I left Mikko and started living with my Mom. Those three months were enough for me to move on and grieve over my lost child. I wouldn’t have carried on if not for Rain. He helped realize the purpose of the situation. He’s such an angel to me. He’s like a best friend to me now. The last thing I heard about Mikko is that he’s having a vacation in Spain. Mom said he’d be spending the rest of the year with his Dad. His Dad got mad at him for what had happened, so as a punishment, he was forced to go to Spain. Tito Robert, his dad, called me to apologize for his son’s misbehavior. He was utterly embarrassed for what his son did to me. Mom asked me to stop studying for a while. I understand why she did that. A lot has happened and it may take a while for me to recover. I may be physically fine right now, but I am still emotionally stressed. For the past two years, I was battered, I was abused, I was being cheated on, and I lost my second child. That’s

why when Mom and I discussed about stopping for another year, I gladly obliged. I don’t care if I am nearly eighteen years old but I haven’t graduated in high school. It doesn’t matter; what’s important is that I am safe, perfectly fine. April 2010 “Yo!” “What’s up, Rain? Parang kahapon lang nandito ka sa bahay, ah?” Yeah, Rain has been a constant figure here in our household. Our day wouldn’t be complete if Rain wouldn’t drop by. He would stay up until 10PM just to talk to me and take care of Eliah. He doesn’t mind whenever Mom pairs us. He even plays along with Mom’s joke. “I just want to see Eliah and his Mom `cause I like being with them. They make me really happy.”

“Bluff. ” “Oh, nandito na pala ang future son-in-law ko. How are you, Rain?” Mom said then kissed Rain on his cheeks. “Mommy!” “You are such a kill joy, my love. I’m doing great, Mommy—este Tita pala.” “You know what, Rain? I think you should train yourself calling me Mommy. I feel that you’d end up with

Gwen.”

“Mom!” I blushed and I don’t know why. “You know what, Tita? I feel that, too. Nagpapakipot lang `tong si Gwen. If I know, she’s drooling over

me.” “Well, excuse me, Mr. Gonzales, you got it wrong. You’re the one drooling over me!” Hey, hey, hey. Am I seeing things right? Rain is actually blushing? “So cute! Ay, bagay na bagay!” “Mom! Stop teasing us! Saka, in love sa iba itong si Rain.”

“Sa iba or sa’yo?” “Whatever, Mom.” Mom just gave a whatever-you-say-darling look. When I looked at Rain, he was looking at me intently, too. I don’t know why but it’s kinda awkward. “Huy.” “Oh, sorry.” “You like me, no?”

“H-ha?”

“Joke lang. ” “Hey, Eliah’s first birthday was last Sunday, right?” he asked, changing the topic. He’s kinda weird today.

“Yup. April 18. Though, we didn’t celebrate as extravagant as other families do.” “I’m thinking if you want to celebrate it with me. Kasabay sana ng birthday ko.” “When’s your birthday ba?” “Tomorrow.” “OMG! For real?” “Yeah. So, what do you think? You need not to worry about the food and whatever. I’ll cover the expenses for it. I just want to spend my birthday with you, Eliah, Tita Amanda and your Dad if he’s free. It will be in our rest house in Ilocos, by the way.” “Gosh, Rain. It’s too sudden, but how can I say no? It’s very tempting.” “So, that’s a yes, right?” I nodded. He rushed to my side and hugged me. There was a quivering sensation as Rain hugged me. What could it be?

IX. Origin If Rain did not invite us for his birthday, I would not have realized how big shot he is. When we arrived in his hometown here in Ilocos, the natives welcomed us warmly. Everybody there knows him. They greet Rain as if he’s some celebrity. When we were strolling around the streets, some teenagers and kids would shake hands with him or walk with us. As soon as we got back to their ancestral house, I talked to Manang Lupe, their oldest housekeeper. She has been serving the Gonzales Clan for thirty years. “Ana kadi ti maitulong ko kenka?” said Manang Lupe. (Anong maitutulong ko sayo?) “Eh?” “Makataros ka ti Ilokano?” I frowned. “HAHAHA. Ang sabi ko, nakakaintindi ka ba ng Ilokano?” “Ahh, pasensya na po, Manang.” “Ay sus. Ayos lang yun. Pasensya ka na. Tiga-Maynila ka nga pala.” “Manang, can I ask you some questions?” “Tungkol saan, anak?” “About Rain and his family.” “Ania? Ano?” “Is Rain a celebrity here in Ilocos? Most of the people here know him.” “Ah, iyon? Apo ng Gobernador iyang si Rain. Ang ama naman niya, Mayor ng bayan na ito.” “So the whole family is involved in politics?” “Aba’y oo. Kilala talaga iyan dito sa bayan namin dahil ma-PR katulad ng kanyang lolo at ama. Aywan ko kung sasabak rin sa pulitika yan balang araw.”

Manang Lupe and I continued talking about Rain and his family. She told me stories about Rain’s childhood, how naughty he was whenever he stays here, and how many girls had camped outside the house just to have his attention. I also learned that he has an older brother named Ryan who’s now living in the States to practice Medicine. They grew up here in Ilocos but transferred to Manila to study. They would spend their vacations and other special occasions here since both of their parents live here. “Naimbag nga aldaw, Manang, Gwen.” (Good afternoon, Manang, Gwen.) “Naimbag nga aldaw din, Rain. O siya, maiwan ko muna kayo dito ha? Magluluto lang ako ng hapunan.” “Sure, Manang. I’ll just tour Gwen around the house.” “O sige, Naragsak a panagkasangay, Rain.” (O sige, Happy birthday, Rain.) “Agyamanak, Manang Lupe.” (Thank you, Manang Lupe.) Okay, I didn’t understand a word. They were talking in Ilocano and I am illiterate in that language. I only know two languages, English and Filipino. Okay, boo me. I don’t know any other language than that. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked Rain. He was looking intently at me again. “Nothing. Masama bang tumingin sayo?” “Not really. What do you want?” “I have something to say to you.” “What?” “Ipatpategka,” he said then left the room immediately.

He’s not cursing me right?

X. Busted When we had our dinner, everyone in Rain’s family was present—except for Ryan, of course. Now I know where Rain got his pleasing personality. His mom and dad were both cheerful and friendly. From the looks of

it, Mom and Tita Lucy would get along so well. They both have a hyper personality. “It’s a good thing that you invited Gwen and her family here, hijo. I am sure they are enjoying their stay here.” “Of course, dear. Actually, I love your place! I just hope my Gwen here ends up with Rain so I can stay here some time.” “Mommy, nakakahiya ka talaga!” “What’s wrong, honey? I’m just telling what I feel.” “Ay, Amanda, I agree with you. They look together, no?” “YES!” Mom exclaimed with her hands held up high.

Sometimes, I want to ask myself if she’s really my Mom. She butts in too much and I hate it. She’s too nosy and I am always annoyed whenever she imposes her decisions without consulting me. Nevertheless, I love her and I accept her for who she is. Contradicting, I know. “Ma, Tita Amanda, let’s not forget that Mikko and Gwen have Eliah.” “Pabayaan mo na iyon, hijo. I don’t like him for my Gwen. Well, I used to like him but he cheated on Gwen.” “Mikko? Is that Mikko Evangelista? Your best friend, Rain?” “Yes, Mama. The same old Mikko.” “How is he? I haven’t heard from that boy in ages.” “He’s with his dad in Spain. I think he’s going to finish his college education there.” “I see. So, let’s eat dessert! I especially made this cake for my birthday boy. Naragsak a kasangay, my baby boy.” “Thanks, Ma. Ayayatenka.” All of a sudden, the scene at the kitchen earlier popped in my mind. What was that word again? Ipatpatin? Or was it Ipatpatela? Argh, I can’t remember. “Ipatpategka, Rain. I will always love my baby boy. Don’t argue with me, okay? You’ll always be Mama’s

baby boy.” Yeah! That’s it. Ipatpategka! “Excuse me, Tita Lucy. What does ‘ipatpategka’ mean?” “That? Oh, it means ‘I love you’ in Ilocano. Why, my dear?” I love you? Rain loves me? For real? I looked at Rain and he looked flushed. His cheeks were red as a

tomato. “Uh, nothing, Tita, I was just curious,” I said with a big grin on my face. “Excuse me for a while. I think I need to breathe fresh air.” “Excuse me, too. I think I need fresh air, too.” “Ay, habulan?” I disregarded Mom’s comment. I followed Rain as he walked his way towards the veranda. I think he knows that I’ve busted him already. “Ikaw ha. You’re using my weakness to confess to me. Sabi na nga ba, you’re so into me.” “I can’t help it. You’re just too beautiful not to like plus the fact that you’re actually my dream girl.”

“Aww. Too much flattery, Rain. I can’t handle it.” “Sorry if I feel this way. I know you still love Mikko so I’m giving way. Just let me love you from a far.” “Yes I do love Mikko. Or maybe not. I don’t know. Don’t worry, Rain, I’ll be the same Gwen that you know. I won’t change just because you said your feelings towards me.” Yes, I won't change. But what if he learns about my past? Will I have my word? Will he still love me like what he's telling me now?

“Thanks, Gwen. I appreciate it, really. Don’t worry; I’ll try not to take advantage of you. I respect you and Mikko. Just remember that I love you. I’ve been loving you since God knows when. Yun nga lang, naunahan

na ako ni Mikko sa lahat ng bagay.” “He might be my first in everything, but he may not be my last.” “Ipatpategka, Gwen. Kayat ka nga aprusan. Kayat ka.” “Ugh, right.” I don’t know but I could feel the sincerity in his voice. I could actually feel the love that he’s declaring right now. As he speak those words,—though I don’t understand a thing—there’s a warm fuzzy feeling inside me. My instinct is telling me that it will bring good vibes. I just hope so. I just hope he won't change once he knew about my past. For now, I'll cling on to what my instincts are telling me. Translations: Naragsak a kasangay - Happy birthday Ayayatenka, Ipatpategka - I love you Kayat ka nga aprusan - I want to hug you Kayat ka - I admire you

XI. INVITATION Blame El Niño for this hot weather that we are all experiencing now. As much as I want to save electricity, I need to turn on the AC unit on full blast because Eliah can’t stand the heat. He would cry every time I would turn the temperature a notch lower. Right after turning on the AC, I went to Eliah’s nursery to take him and bring him to my room. I used the connecting door that would lead me straight to the nursery. Mom specifically asked the carpenters to do one so I could easily rush to Eliah when he cries. “Ate Gwen, ikaw pala,” said Chammie, Eliah’s babysitter. “Hi. Looks like you and Eliah are enjoying each other’s company, huh?” Chammie had just started working a week after we got back from our Ilocos trip. Mom insisted on looking for a babysitter for Eliah since I have been attending therapy sessions to cope up with my loss. I know it’s been two months, but Mom really wants me to attend those sessions with her shrink. “Ang hyper nga niya, Ate Gwen. Di yata nauubusan ng lakas.” “Masanay ka na. He’s really hyperactive. Good thing he’s cute.” “Ay, agree ako dyan! Siyempre mana sa yaya niya di ba?” “Ikaw talaga. O siya, I’ll put him to sleep first.” Chammie lifted Eliah and handed him to me. Bringing Eliah’s baby stuff with her, she followed me back to my room. I laid Eliah on the bed and surrounded him with pillows. He likes moving around so I put a space where he can move freely. This kid is really hyperactive. I think he never runs out of energy. Nevertheless, I enjoy watching him as he circle the bed. With just one look at his angelic face, all my apprehensions vanish. His charming smile brightens up my day. When all his energy was drained, he finally fell asleep. I rested beside him and decided to take a nap. As I

was about to close my eyes, my mobile started ringing. Fearing that Eliah might wake up, I stood up and immediately answered the call. “Hello?” “Hey, Gwen, it’s me Rain.” “Oh hi Rain. What’s up?” “Nothing much. I’m still in school; my class will end at 5:30PM.” I took a glimpse on the wall clock to check the time. It was just 3:20PM. He got a couple of hours more to go. “Right, so why did you call?” “About that, I was hoping if you could join me for dinner tonight. You can say no if you want or you can bring Eliah with you. Both are fine with me, anyway.” “Wait, are you actually asking me out?” There was a long pause after my statement. “Uh… yeah. But really, it’s okay if you’ll decline my offer.” “I’m not as biitchy as you think, Rain. I’m actually saying yes.” “Alright! I’ll see you at seven. My professor’s here. Bye!” “Bye—” He must be in a hurry; he didn’t even let me finish my word. Unconsciously, I went straight to my closet and started looking for something to wear later. I'm thinking of wearing this one or this one. What do you think? Hey, wait. I'm not really that excited, right?

XII. GUARANTEE “Woah, Gwen, you look stunning! That dress suits you perfectly,” Neshian screamed as she entered my room. I asked her to come over so she can help me to fix myself. I am pretty bad in making myself look stunning or whatever. I prefer to keep myself simple, a decent top plus jeans minus make up. “You think so? Don’t I look fat in this dress?” “Of course not! It flaunts your curves flawlessly.” “What about this one?” I reached for my other choice and showed it to Nesh. “Nah, I like the dress. Promise, the black dress suits you better.” Nesh raised her right hand as if she were a witness swearing to tell the truth, nothing but the truth. “I trust you on this, Nesh.” “Do you doubt my skills as a future fashion designer, Gwen? Have a little faith, girl!” I just laughed at Neshian’s remark. To tell you the truth, I really admire Neshian’s abilities when it comes to fashion and make up. I love how a simple tee can look elegant by just adding some embellishments. I adore how a plain face will look stunning with her touch. Just like now, I love how I transformed from a plain looking Gwen to someone I don’t even recognize as me. Knock Knock

The door swung open, exposing my mother. Her jaws literally dropped the moment our eyes met. “Woah, is that you, Gwen? You look so stunning!” Alright, I blushed. I’m not used to receiving that kind of flattery. I hate it when people flatter me too much. I don’t know how to handle those kinds of pleasing words. “Thanks, Ma. You should commend Neshian here. I’m just her masterpiece.” Neshian bowed like a princess giving respect to her queen. “Ay, anak, Rain’s here already. You better go down now. Don’t let him wait.” “Go, girl. I can handle the mess here.” I gave Neshian a tight hug before I followed Mom out the room. As I make my way down the stairs, I felt like a debutante making her grand entrance for her party. I could sense that their gazes were fixed on me. I suddenly became conscious of my moves. “Gwen, you look… gorgeous. Breathtakingly gorgeous, that is.” Rain offered me his hand as soon as I reached the stair’s last landing. “You look dashing yourself,” I answered as I take his hand. “Oh, kids, smile!” Before my mind could digest hat Mom had just said, a blinding light engulfed my eyes. It took a few seconds before I recovered from the flash coming from Mom’s camera. See how nosy and hyperactive my Mom gets whenever she likes what’s happening? Ugh, I hate it. “Mom! Stop it, okay? It’s embarrassing!” I reprimanded her but being the stubborn that she is, she just ignored me. She continued taking shots until she got tired of it. Lahat yata ng angle meron si Mommy! “Oh, you go now, kids. You might be late for your reservation. I'll be in charge of Eliah for now, Gwen. Take care of my only daughter, Rain. I entrust her to you.” “Of course, Tita. I’ll never break that trust.” “Go now! Go!” Rain glanced at me and offered his hand. I gladly accepted it then smiled at him. The look from his eyes says I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. His eyes offer a promise of happiness and care. I admit his promise is tempting but I can’t give in easily. I have a lot of burden to carry—a past that I can’t easily escape, a past that continues to haunt me every night before I go to sleep, a past that cannot be taken for granted. “Shall we go now, princess?” asked Rain, squeezing my hand tightly. If I knew Rain way before I knew Mikko, I would have been the happiest girl in the world. He seems so perfect; he’s every woman’s fantasy. But we can never be. I can never guarantee that his views about me would still be the same once he knew about my past.

XIII. MESSAGE

I was astonished when Rain brought me to my favorite restaurant. I have no idea how he knew about it, but I’m thinking he asked Mom or Neshian about it. Nevertheless, I really appreciate the fact that he brought me here because it has been so long since I last dined here. I was with Mikko the last time I went here.

“So, what do you think of Vallejo’s?” asked Rain as we wait for out food to be served.

“Actually, this is my favorite restaurant. They serve great food here.”

“I agree with you on that. I often drop by here to take out.”

“Their pasta is superb! It’s the best I’ve tasted so far.”

After talking with Rain about random stuff, I realized that we actually share a huge pool of common interests. That may be the reason why I’ve warmed up to him since the day we got to know each other. Anyway, among Mikko’s group, Rain was the only one who talked to me and got interested in knowing me. His other friends would just talk to me to ask for something related to Mikko.

So maybe it's true that I can't live without you. And maybe two is better than one. I immediately took my phone to check who is calling, but then, I noticed that it was an international call. I answered the call, thinking that there might be an emergency from our relatives abroad. Maybe, they can’t contact Mom so they chose to call me instead. “Hello?” I said in a worried tone. “May I know who this is?” My hunch was wrong; it was not an emergency. If it is, then the caller should have answered me right away. I kept on saying ‘Hello’ but no one’s answering, so I decided to end the call. “Who was that?” “I don’t know,” I said then shrugged. “No one’s answering the call.” “It must be a prank call.” Minutes later, my phone started to ring again. I checked to see who’s calling and found out that it was the same caller from a while ago. “It’s the same caller.” “Let me answer it.” I gave my phone to Rain and let him answer it for me. “Hello?” I noticed Rain’s forehead creased as he listened to the other end of the line. The caller must have said something offending or unpleasant that Rain looked like he’s about to punch someone in the face right now. “Are you alright?” I asked Rain as he gave back my phone. He still has the I’m-going-to-punch-someone-right-now look on his face. “I’m fine. The ca—” His words were interrupted by waiter that served our food. I was waiting for him to finish his word but he must have forgotten about it already. All the while we were eating, both of us were quiet. No one dared to open up about the recent phone call as if it were a jinx. Though I wanted to talk about it, I chose to keep my mouth shut and tried to just forget about it. While waiting for the bill, I excused myself and went to the washroom. I was doing some retouching when my phone rang. It was a text message from an unknown number. It wasn’t the same from the international caller. This time, it was from someone here in the country.

+639171234567 05/07/2010 8:30PM You may be with somebody else right now, but remember that I'll do what it takes to be the right one for you. I may be the most flawed person in the whole world but I can always change for you. I’m willing to be a better man for you. I want to embrace you in my arms and never let you go. I love you. I always do.

XIV. SOON +639171234567 05/07/2010 8:30PM You may be with somebody else right now, but remember that I'll do what it takes to be the right one for you. I may be the most flawed person in the whole world but I can always change for you. I’m willing to be a better man for you. I want to embrace you in my arms and never let you go. I love you. I always do. I was taken aback with what I read. Who would send me this kind of message? Rain? Impossible. He could have just told me what he feels personally. Judging from the times we spent together, he was more of the vocal type. Is it Mikko? Probably not. He’s in Spain so he should be using an international number. Unless, he acquired a new number and had its roaming service opened. What if the numbers were just mixed up? Yeah, that must be it. I deleted the message believing that it was accidentally sent to me. I was about to return to our table when I saw Rain waiting for me outside the women’s washroom. “Hey, kanina ka pa?” I asked as I approached him. “Not really. Let’s go?” I nodded as my reply. He reached for my hand as we go out of Vallejo’s together. Since we were near Roxas Boulevard, we decided to stop by and hang out for a while in Manila Bay. Again, it has been so long since I last went here. “The last time I went here was when Mikko and I were still fine, so in love with each other. I know this isn’t the right time to reminisce about our times together but I just can’t stop myself from thinking about it—about how close and tight we were before,” I mumbled bitterly. I looked at Rain and saw him bow his head, avoiding my gaze. I could feel that he was somewhat hurt that I opened a topic about Mikko, his best friend and rival in love. “It’s okay, I understand. After all siya naman ang nauna eh. He was your first love, your first boyfriend, the father of Eliah. If you think about it, he’s got a lot of advantages against me. I don’t even know what I am to you.” “Don’t pull yourself down, Rain. You have many good qualities, too. You’re impossible not to be liked. You are such a good man, every woman’s dream guy.” “I hope you’re not saying those things just to console me.”

“Ang emo mo!” “Ikaw kasi you opened up about you and Mikko. I got jealous.” Woah, how am I supposed to respond to that revelation? I’m really not used to these things so I pinched Rain’s cheeks and said ‘Ang cute mo.’ Lame, right? In a snap, I remembered about a constant thought of asking him about my past. I wanted to know how he would react if he knew about it. I won’t tell him frankly, though. I’ll just be asking hypothetical questions to see how he would respond in each situation. “Can I ask you questions, Rain?”

“Sure, fire away.” I took a deep breath to ready myself for his answers. “What if I’m not really the person that you know? I mean, keeping a secret for example.” “It doesn’t matter anyway. Everyone has a secret.” “What if that secret is very grave? Would you still accept me?” “By grave, how grave do you mean?” “What if I killed someone?” “Then I’ll kill someone too so we both have grave sins.” “What if I’m r-raped?” I stuttered. It’s really hard for me to dig this conversation. I could feel my heartbeat increased it beating rate. “Then I’ll ask my stalkers to rape me too. Honestly Gwen, I don’t give a damn about those things. I loved you for who you are. I accept all your imperfections and whatever grave secret you may have. Love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly. It wouldn’t be love if I’ll be turned off with your mistakes.” “Thanks, Rain.” My heartbeat was slowly going back to normal. I could breathe perfectly now. Right now, at least I know someone is still willing to accept me despite my sullied past. There is still someone who’s willing to love me despite my impurities. “You think too much, Gwen. You should let go of your worries.” I was about to speak when somebody approached Rain. “Rain Gonzales?” “Jairon Villegas?” “Yeah, dude, what’s up? `Haven’t talked to you in a while.” “I’m fine, man. By the way, this is Gwen Samaniego. Gwen, this is Jairon, one of my friends in the university.” “Hi!” I greeted Jairon while shaking hands with him. “Are you Gwen as in Mikko Evangelista’s girlfriend?” “Uh… yeah,” I said, unsure of my answer. Am I still Mikko’s girlfriend? I don’t know. We didn’t have a formal break up, though. “Excuse us, Gwen,” Rain said. After five minutes… Five minutes had passed but Rain and Jairon were still out of no where. I was a bit getting impatient but I had no choice but to wait. I decided to text Neshian while I am waiting for Rain to come back. While I was composing a message for Nesh, I noticed a new message icon. I saved my message as a draft and read the new message. It was a message from the same sender a while ago. From: +639171234567 05/07/2010 9:42PM

I’ll prove to you that we are meant for each other; we are a match made in heaven. Imperfect as we are, I still think you are the most perfect person in the whole world. God sent you to me to fill the voids of my life. You complete me, Gwen. I’d go crazy if I’ll lose you. I love you since the first day we met. It’s creeping me out but it’s warming my heart, too. I want to know who’s sending me these messages. He even knows me. To: +639171234567 05/07/2010 9:45PM May I know who this is? It took a while before the anonymous sender replied back. I admit I am nervous to know who that guy is. From: +639171234567 05/07/2010 9:58PM You’ll know soon. On your 18th birthday. That’s a promise.

XV. REVELATION July 14, 2010 Time surely flies so fast. The next thing I knew, it was already my eighteenth birthday. Today marks the second year of an unfortunate event that happened to me when I was sixteen years old. Today, my anonymous texter will reveal his identity. More than my birthday, I am more excited to know who that person is. “Happy eighteenth birthday, Gwen!” Neshian greeted loudly so I could hear her clearly. “Thanks, Nesh!” I shouted back. I decided not to have a grand party for my birthday and opted to celebrate it in a bar with my family and friends. For me, what's more important is to be with the persons closest to your heart and share the memorable moment with them. The whole VIP section of Club Synergy was reserved for us. Everyone was in party mode; even my parents were enjoying the party. Me? I am starting to fidget while waiting for my anonymous texter's message. BZZT! BZZT! I immediately took my phone and read the contents of the message. I was, well, disappointed to find out that it was just a birthday greeting coming from a friend from school. I really thought my anonymous texter would reveal to me at once his identity. “Hey, Gwen, let's dance!” one of my friends said while tugging me towards the dancefloor. I just went with the flow and danced my heart out there so I could forget my disappointment. Time passed by so fast while I was on the dancefloor. I checked my phone to see the time. Instead of seeing the time, I saw several notifications indicating messages and missed calls. +639171234567 07/14/2010 11:56PM Club Synergy Parking lot. Silver Audi Q7. EMB 528 Audi Q7, EBM 528? Sounds familiar. I rushed to the parking lot right after reading that message. I was hoping I could still see him there. I was half-running when I reached the parking lot. There, I saw a guy leaning on a silver SUV, holding a bunch of flowers on his hands. He stood straight when he saw me approach him. My heart started pounding as my steps were getting nearer him. “Gwen,” he said softly.

“Oh my gosh!” On instinct, I rushed to him and hugged him tight. All along, it was just him? All along it was Mikko?! “I missed you, Gwen. Happy birthday, love.” “Thank you,” I said, teary-eyed. After two years, it was the first time I heard him call me 'love' again and greet me for my birthday. “Shh, don't cry. You've already shed so much tears because of me. I'm so sorry, love,” he said softly as he wiped my tears. “Those messages, what was that for? How long have you been here?” “I went back here just for your birthday. I'll be here for five days. Those messages? I want to tell you I'm learning to be the Mikko you knew back then. Dad made me realize how stupid I've become.” “Good for you then.” “Will you still accept me by the time I've changed?” “We'll see, Mikko. We'll see.” “Happy birthday, love. I love you.” “Thank you, Mikko. I really hope you'll change for the better now. I still like the same old Mikko I knew a few years back.” “I will, Gwen. I'll change for you.”

XVI. FIGHT July 17, 2010 “Thanks for the ride home, Mikko. I'll see you tomorrow.” I leaned forward and kissed Mikko on the cheeks. “I'll walk you to the gate.” Mikko got down the car even before I got the chance to refuse him. I am afraid that somebody might see him and I might get busted for lying to Mom. Except for me, nobody knew that Mikko and I were seeing each other. I kept it a secret from everyone because I was afraid they might tell me to stop seeing him. I just want to make use of the time we are together. I still love him. I still do despite all the pain he inflicted. “Good night, Mikko. Drive safely, okay?” I was about to hug him when all of a sudden, someone rushed to him and punched him on his face. He fell down the road, face down. When Mikko tried to get up, his nose was bleeding already. I dashed to his side and helped him get up. “What are you doing here, bastard?” “Rain!” “You don't deserve him, Gwen. What? Are still in love with Mikko? C'mon, Gwen, he cheated on you!” “Don't act as if you know everything, Rain.” “I don't have to know everything! What you did was foul! You slept with another woman while you still have Gwen as your girlfriend. You were even the reason why she had a miscarriage.” shouted Rain as he grabbed Mikko's collar.

Tears were streaming down my face as I continue to watch Rain beat the hell out of Mikko. Just because of me, the two boys were quarreling. Am I that worth it for their friendship to be tainted with disgust? “Fight back, a-hole. Are you a coward now?” Mikko did not budge even a bit. He continued to accept all of Rain’s jabs. His face was now covered with bruises and wounds. I wanted to get in between them but I was too weak. I have always been weak when it comes to things like this. “Please… stop it already! Rain! Mikko!” I pleaded but it was as if no one heard me. “Coward!” Rain growl as his fist landed on Mikko’s swollen cheeks. Mikko’s plain white shirt was now tarnished with his own blood. A stream of blood was dripping from the corners of his inflamed mouth. His handsome features were now clouded with bruises, cuts, and wounds. Rain, on the other hand, remained spotless—free from any wound or cut. No bruise was evident in Rain’s figure. Mikko did not fight him back. Mikko chose to receive all his punches. I heard our metal gate squeaked open. Moments later, my Dad and one of our male househelp were holding both Rain and Mikko. If not for them, the fighting would have ensued and more of Mikko’s blood would have spilled. “What’s the meaning of this? Are you guys fighting in front of my house?!” No one dared to answer my father’s inquiry. They must be both terrified with the way he delivered his question—authoritative and loud. Even I was frightened with the impact of his voice. It was the first time I have seen and heard him like that. “D-Dad—” “All of you, inside! Now! You better answer my questions or else I’ll wring your necks!”

XVII. HEART-TO-HEART Loud thumps of my footsteps were the only sound audible in my room. I kept pacing back and forth as I wait for my dad to finish talking with the two boys. He wanted to discuss the matter with the boys privately. He asked me to wait for him in my room and we will have our own discussion as soon as he finishes talking with the boys. As I wait for them to finish, I could not deny the growing tension inside of me. How would Mikko and Rain respond to my dad? Will they be alright? Can they answer my father’s question? I know it sounds as if my dad would eat them alive but I can’t help myself but to feel worried about them. I’ve never seen Dad as angry as he was a while ago. I heard a car sped away. I peeked from my room’s window to see which car had gone. It was Mikko’s. From the looks of it, he was in a hurry to get away. There was a tug in my heart when the thought of not saying goodbye to him crossed my mind. Rain, on the other hand, was standing beside his car, looking at the direction of my window. When he saw me, he waved and smiled at me. “I’m sorry. I love you,” he mouthed. Though the distance was a bit far, I swear he mouthed those words to me. I waved at him to let him know I got his message. He waved back, rode his car, and sped away. I was about to lie down on my bed when Dad knocked at my door and entered my room. On instinct, I rushed to him and kissed him on his cheek. My heart started beating loudly as we approach the couch on my room. “How are you, honey?” asked Dad with a blunt expression on his face.

“I’m fine, Dad. How did your inquiry go?” “Hey, calm down. I’ve talked to the two boys already. I already know their intentions and the reason why they had a fight.” My heartbeat became faster as I wait for Dad to continue his sentence. “What do you think about Mikko and Rain? What are they to you?” Silence enveloped the room for a few minutes. I can hardly think of what to answer. What do I think about them? “I-I don’t know, Dad. They are both special to me. I mean, Mikko is and will always be Eliah’s father. Though we have a lot of misunderstandings, the fact that he was the first man in my life will never be changed. We will always have a connection through Eliah. As for Rain, he’s special too. He accepted me for who I am. Never did I hear a single word from him contesting me about being a young mom. He is such a good friend. I owe him a lot. He has been there during the darkest moments of my life.” “Do you still love Mikko?” “I do, Dad. I really do. Call me a martyr or whatever but I believe in him. All those misunderstandings, there must be a reason why he did those things to me.” I frankly stated what I truly feel about Mikko. I know he can still change for the better. He can be the Mikko that I used to know—the Mikko that I fell in love with. “How about Rain?” “He’s a good friend. No, he’s the best friend I could ever have. He’s always there for me and never hesitates to help me. If I knew him before Mikko came along, I would have chose and fallen for him. Sadly it didn’t happen that way. There must be some reason why everything’s happening the way it is right now.” Dad let out a heavy sigh before he turned to me. He wrapped his sturdy arms around me and hugged me tight. He planted a kiss on my hair before he spoke. “You’ve grown so much, Gwen. You’ve learned a lot from all the trials that you went through. I am so proud of you. Alam mo, when I was talking to the two boys, I can see conviction in their eyes. Rain was so determined to prove to you that he really loves you.Si Mikko naman, I can see the desire to change in his eyes. I don’t know Mikko’s issues but there was a strong force that tells me that Mikko really wants to be a better man. In fact, the reason why he didn’t fight back when Rain was beating him was because Mikko believes that he deserves all those punches. It was to prove to you that he’s willing to be a better man and he wants to start now. He received all those powerful jabs to show to you that he’s repentant for all his sins.” I found myself crying again because of what Dad’s narrating to me. I didn’t quite expect that Mikko would do that just to show me how regretful he is. I was touched, honestly. “Don’t cry, honey. Four men love you. You should be proud,” Dad assured me as he wiped away the tears on my cheeks. “Four?” “Me, Mikko, Rain, and of course your little Eliah. You don’t have to choose right away. Let them prove to you how sincere they are. Of course, I have to scrutinize them, too!” “Thanks, Dad!” I embraced Dad tighter and rewarded him with a kiss on his cheeks. I’m so lucky to have an understanding father like him. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. “Kung akala mo nakaligtas ka na, you got it wrong, honey. You lied to your Mom, ha. As a consequence, you cannot go out of the house for a week. No cell phone, no internet, no anything that’s related to communication. If Mikko or Rain wants to see you or talk to you, they have to do that here—at home with your Mom as the witness.”

“Aww, I thought absuwelto na ako. I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Good thing I didn’t spoil you.” Dad carried me and laid me on my bed. He tucked me in and gave me a good night kiss. When he was about to close the door, he looked back at me and said, “Sweet dreams, my princess Gwen. Have a good night sleep.” “Good night, Dad. I love you.” “I love you more, honey.” With that, he turned off the lights and closed the door. Ain’t he the coolest dad?

XVIII. HELLOS AND GOODBYES Two days had passed but still, there was no sign of Mikko. He did not meet up with me after the fight with Rain and the talk with Dad. He must be on his way back to Spain. Too bad, I missed the chance to say goodbye to him before he left. I heard a buzz from the sky. I looked up and saw an airplane pass by. Mikko must be one of the passengers of that plane. I closed my eyes and silently wished for his safe journey to Spain. Have a safe trip, Mikko, I thought with my eyes still closed. I remained in that position for a while. I was having a little trip down memory when somebody placed a hand on my shoulder. “Missing him?” I turned to the person who just spoke and saw that it was Rain. As usual, he was smiling at me as if I were the prettiest girl in the world. “Hey! Are you sure you want to hear my answer?” “Would I ask if I don’t want to hear your answer?” “I do, Rain, I miss Mikko.” There’s no need to deny it. I don’t want to lie about my true feelings. It might hurt Rain but it might hurt even more if I lied. “Thank you for being honest, Gwen,” said Rain, not meeting my gaze. He looked up in the sky, in the same direction where I was looking a while ago. “But everyone deserves a chance, right?” “Of course. We all have a chance to be someone we want to be. All we need is to grab every opportunity that comes our way and do something about it.” “Then, will you forgive me for beating the hell out of Mikko? Though, I still think he deserves it.” He was still looking up. Unlike earlier, his expression now is lighter, happier. “Forgiven.” “Will you give me the chance to prove myself? That I am sincere with my intentions with you? That I’ve been loving you for a long time?” He was looking at me intently while waiting for my answer. I, on the other hand, looked away. How am I supposed to answer him with that kind of question? Should I say yes? Should I decline him? What now, Gwen? I tried to take a glimpse of his reaction. There was a hopeful glint on his eyes. His eyes were begging for a

chance to let him prove himself. Should I stick to what I have said earlier? Should I give him a chance that he truly deserves? But if I said 'yes', won't I be betraying Mikko? We don't have a formal break up which makes us still a couple. I'm confused but I have this urge to give him a chance. “Gwen?” I let out a deep sigh before I finally answered Rain. “Alright, I'm giving you one chance. Make the most out of it.” Rain hugged me tight as he kept on saying his gratitude. His words were very reassuring. I feel like I would not regret any moment that I am with him. I just hope it's true. “Thank you, Gwen. You won't regret this. I promise.” “I guess it wouldn't hurt to actually believe in your words.” What will I do if I fall in love with him? What about Mikko? Eliah? What if he learns the truth about me? Will he still love me? Too many what ifs are entering my mind. What will I do if all of my doubts and fears happen? How will I respond? I guess I'll just cross the bridge when I get there. I should just enjoy and savor every moment. After all, what matters right now is the present.

XIX. NEW BEGINNING 2 years later… “Wow, Gwen, you’re like a superhuman! You can handle your baby and your studies very well,” Isabel, one of my classmates this semester, commented. I was sharing some parts of my life with her and Koo, my other classmate and friend. Yes, I am back to school. I am currently a first year college student in one of the prestigious universities here in Manila. I don’t care about what my other classmates say about me being twenty years old but still in first year. Only Isabel, Koo and three other friends know the real situation. “Superhuman? Grabe ka naman. I just have someone to lean on that’s why I’m taking the situation lightly. I’m just blessed to have someone who’s willing to accept me for who I am,” I said proudly. I’ve never been this happy and I am glad that I allowed myself to give that person a chance—that special person. “You seem so in love, Gwen. I hope you end up with him. Kudos to him for doing such a great job in making you happy,” said Koo with a big smile on her face. I can really see that she’s happy for me. “Ehem, speaking of the devil.” I turned to Isabel who’s looking at someone from the opposite direction. I, in turn, looked at the person that Isabel is watching. A big smile started to form on my lips as I watch the person walk towards us. “Hi, girls.” “Hi, Rain!” Isabel and Koo chorused. They stood up and gave Rain him a tight hug. They already know Rain since they’ve met a couple of times already. “Hi, Babe.” I stood up, approached Rain and hugged him. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and hugged me tighter. I’ll never get tired of this. Yes, Rain and I are officially together. We’ve been together for five months now. A lot has happened in two years and one of which is falling in love with Rain. I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made in those times. I think it’s the best decisions I’ve made so far. I’ve never been this happy. I guess falling for Rain made my life even better.

If you’re wondering about Mikko, well, I have nothing to say. I have not heard any news about him since the day he left the country. He never attempted to reach out. I decided to forget him and just move on. It was hard but I’m glad I managed. Thanks to Rain, I was able to move forward. He showed me the beauty of life that is yet to uncover. He taught me how to leave the past behind, to make the most of the present and to hope for a better future. He taught me a lot things and I owe it to him. “I guess Koo and I should leave already. Baka makaistorbo pa kami sa lambingan niyo.” The two girls giggled as I gave them my whatever-you-say look. “Bye, Gwen, Rain. Take care of our friend, Rain,” said Koo as she and Isabel wave goodbye.

“Of course, I will. You don’t need to worry.” “Let’s go?” “Yeah, we should leave already. Eliah’s waiting inside the car.” Some of the students are looking at us as we approach his car with our hands clasped together. I just can’t help but smile at the thought that this handsome guy beside me is mine and I’m his. “Hey, why are you smiling?” he asked, cupping my face with his two hands. I felt warm with his gesture. With his actions, he never fails to make me feel how special I am. “I’m just happy because you’re mine.” Rain smiled, showing a set of perfect white teeth. From his expression, I know that he’s pleased with what he just heard. “If there’s somebody who should really be happy, well, that should be me. I’m really happy that you gave me a chance to prove myself. The best reward that I got was when you finally accepted me and learned to love me. I never thought that I could stand a chance against Mikko. After all, he’s your first love. Thank you for this chance, Gwen. I love you.” He hugged me tight and kissed me on my forehead. “I’m happy, too. You taught me a lot of things, Rain. I owe the past two years of my life to you. I love you, too. I hope this will work better than the last time,” I said, hugging him tighter, wishing that through my hug, he’ll feel how much I mean those words. I love Rain. I really do. I am really hoping that this relationship will work better than my previous one. If there's one thing that I am praying so hard for, that would be wishing that I could spend the rest of my life ith him.

XX. INEVITABLE QUESTION I was doing a research paper on one of my subjects when heard my bedroom door opened. The tiny opening from the door revealed my little angel’s handsome face. There was a big smile on his face as he peeked inside my room. When I smiled at him, he dashed to my side and hugged one of my legs. I, in turn, lifted Eliah and let him sit on my lap. “Hi baby,” I said as I hugged him from behind and kissed his plump cheeks. He turned to me and coiled his hands around me. He gave me a big fat kiss on the cheeks that made me smile even wider than my smile a while ago. “Are you busy, Mommy?” he slowly asked, still embracing me with his small but chubby arms. “Hmm… a little bit.” “Are you doing that for school, Mommy?”

“Yes, it is for Mommy’s school, honey.” “Will I go to school, too, Mommy?” As I look into my child’s eyes, I could see his desire to enter school. At the age of three, he could now read some children’s book and could write his name. He’s fond of watching Barney and Friends and enjoys singing with them too. As a mother, I am proud of his little achievements, but I think, I would have been prouder if I were the one teaching him how to write, to read, to dance, and to sing. Because of school, I have less time to spend with him. I thank Rain for doing the things that should have been mine. Yes, Rain was the one who was taking care of Eliah whenever I have to attend school. Together with Mom, he would patiently teach Eliah how to count, to read, and to write. He treated Eliah as if Eliah was his own son—a feeling that Mikko, his real father, never let Eliah feel. Though Mikko was indifferent to his own son, I never had a second thought to let Eliah know who his real father is. He knows that Mikko is his biological father, and Rain is his second father. My son deserves to know this for he is carrying his father’s name—Eliah Brenn Michael Evangelista III. “When you’re four, you’ll go to school like Mommy.” I showed him the number four with my fingers to indicate what I am saying. He imitated me by showing the number four with his hands, too. “Will I get to see Daddy too, when I am four?” “But you always see Daddy Rain right?” Eliah shook his head hard, stressing out his point. He freed himself from my embrace and tried to reach out to one of the picture frame that was on my study table. “I’m asking about Daddy Mikko, Mommy. Will I get to see Daddy Mikko when I’m four?” he said as he pointed out Mikko’s face in the picture. Honestly, I am shocked to hear Eliah’s question. It is actually the first time that I heard him ask about Mikko. Usually, whenever I tell him about his Dad, he would just nod and walk away. I never thought that he was interested in meeting his real father. “I don’t know, baby. I have no news about your Daddy Mikko.” Eliah looked disappointed with what I just said. Tears were slowly forming on his eyes. It seems that he was anticipating meeting Mikko. “I’ll get to see him right? I’ll get to see him, right Mommy?” said Eliah in between sobs. Argh, I hate it when he cries. It makes me want to do the impossible just to make him happy. “You will, baby. I promise you’ll get to see your Daddy Mikko even before you get four years old.” Yes, I will do everything to grant Eliah’s wish. The only question is where do I start?

XXI. HIS APPEARANCE?

The following day, Rain and I talked about the possible ways on how we could contact Mikko. It’s a good thing that Rain was open to the idea of letting Eliah meet his own father. Just like my opinion, Rain said that Eliah deserves to know who his real father is for Eliah is Mikko’s flesh and blood.

“Have you talked to her already?” I asked Rain as he put down his mobile on the table. He had been calling Doña Althea for five days now. In those five days, she never bothered to answer any of his calls.

Doña Althea Esguerra-Evangelista. Or simply Tita Althea to the people she likes, is Mikko’s mother, my supposed-to-be mother-in-law. The public knows her as a sweet and loving matron, but in truth, she was only affectionate to the people she favored. I was never one of those. She would just talk to me whenever Mikko’s around, a pretentious relationship, I know. She never liked me for Mikko.

If Doña Althea never liked me for Mikko, Tita Amanda loved me to be Rain’s girlfriend. Acceptance is what I need best, especially in my case—a rape victim and a teenage mom. Though they (Rain and his family) still don’t know about me being raped, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I know in my heart that they would still accept me and love me for who I am. Thank God for this kind of people—open-minded and not judgmental. “She’s out of reach, as usual. She’s a busy person, remember? You know, organizing charity programs and stuff.” We tried reaching out to Doña Althea to ask the whereabouts of MIkko and to ask her on how we could possibly talk to Mikko. But I guess we have to give up on this idea. It was a clear sign that Doña Althea does not want to involve herself in this search for Mikko.

“I guess we really have to stick to our last plan.”

“Well, there’s no harm in trying right?”

Our last plan. I don’t know if this one would work but Rain was right. There’s no harm in trying. I might as well give it a shot. If I am lucky enough, Mikko might be able to receive the messages and pictures that I would be sending him. I just hope he still uses his old email address.

That same night, I decided to start sending Mikko some messages. I am hoping that Mikko would receive and read those messages. I just hope he would take time in thinking about seeing Eliah.

Quote

Hey Mikko.

How are you? It’s been a while right? I hope you’re doing fine wherever you are. You know that I always

wish for your happiness.

I know you are wondering why I wrote to you. Well, it’s about Eliah. He wants to see you badly and I hope

you can grant that wish. He said he wants to meet you when he gets four years old. Think about it, Mikko. I

am not forcing you to do this if it is against your will. I just really hope that for once, you can show him that

you are his father and that you actually care for him. It will mean a lot to him.

I hope you get to read this message. I hope to talk to you about this topic soon. I’ll be waiting for your

reply.

Thanks.

-Gwen

--- Months had passed but still, we have no contact from Mikko. Though he does not reply, I continued sending him messages and updates of how Eliah had been for the past months. I just really hope the messages reach him. I was watching TV when a familiar laugh caught my ears. The door burst wide open and two figures emerged from the outside. “Mommy! Mommy!” Eliah said enthusiastically as he approach me. He just got home from the learning center that Rain enrolled him in. Rain and I decided to let him join Rain’s aunt’s pre-school. “Hi, baby! How’s your day?” I asked as I lifted him. Eliah looked so excited. I guess something good happened at school. “It’s okay, Mommy. I really had fun playing with Daddy! I finally saw him, Mommy! I saw Daddy Mikko!” He saw Mikko? How can that be possible? Is Mikko back here in the Philippines? Questions started to invade my mind as Eliah narrated his day with Mikko. “He was waiting outside our classroom, Mommy. He played with me until Yaya Chamie arrived. He’s back, Mommy! Daddy’s here!” Eliah was really happy as he shared his story. It was evident in his face; his aura was glowing. “Really? I’m happy for you, honey. Now, go up and change your shirt. We’ll talk later.” Eliah followed immediately and ran up to his room with his Yaya Chamie. I, on the other hand, called Rain. “Hey, how are you?” Rain said as soon as he picked up the phone. “I’m bothered, Rain. Eliah said that he saw Mikko a while ago. Do you have any news about him?” “I don’t know, Gwen. I’ll try to ask our friends if Mikko did come back recently. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m sure he won’t hurt Eliah.” “I’m not worried about that, Rain. What if someone’s trying to pose as Mikko? You know how some kidnappers work right?” “If you’re worrying about it, then I’ll personally fetch Eliah everyday from his school. Don’t worry now, okay?” “What about your review? Won’t it interrupt you?” Rain is currently reviewing for his Accountancy Board Exams. I just don't want to bother him because this means a lot to him.

“It’s okay, Gwen. Eliah’s safety is much more important.” “Thank you, Rain. I love you.” “I love you, too. Take care, okay? I’ll call you later when I get some news about Mikko.” “Thanks. Take care, too.” I can't help myself but to doubt whether Mikko's back or not. Don't get me wrong. I want Mikko back for Eliah's sake. But what if my thoughts were right? What if some kidnappers want to take my child away? Gosh, I can't even imagine my son being away from me! I really hope it's really Mikko. I really hope. Mikko, Mikko, Mikko. Are you really back or my son’s just too excited to see you?

XXII. COMEBACK

Rain had been fetching Eliah from school for a week now. Eliah kept on sharing that he saw Mikko and played with his dad. In that one week, Rain had seen no trace of Mikko’s existence. That’s when I decided to see for myself whether my son was really seing Mikko or not.

Right after class, I texted Rain that I would be the one to fetch Eliah from school today. He insisted to do the job, but I argued with him and told him to review for his upcoming board exam.

Quote

FR: Rain

You know I can’t argue with you. You’ve always been my weakness, my kryptonite. I’d top the board for you

so you can be proud to have me as your boyfriend. I love you, princess. I’m yours for all eternity. Drive

safely. If I were a wax, I would have melted right now. He never failed to make my heart flutter everytime he sends me sweet messages. After replying to his message, I put back my mobile inside my bag, dug out my car keys, ignited the engine, and drove to Eliah’s school. “Hi, Tita Amie,” I greeted the old lady then kissed her on the cheeks. Tita Amie runs the learning center where Eliah’s a part of. “Hi, Gwen! It is good to see you here. I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you here to fetch your son?” “Yes, Tita. Have you seen Eliah?” I courteously asked Tita Amie. She’s about my mom’s age and she’s Rain’s mom’s sister. “Check the classrooms, dear. I think that’s where I last saw him.” “Thank you, Tita!” With that, I went to the classrooms and checked every room to see if Eliah was there. Panic started to invade my senses when after checking all the classrooms, there was no single trace of Eliah. Where is Eliah? Did the man posing as Mikko abduct him? Or is Eliah just somewhere near the school? Oh, good Lord, please assure me that my son is safe.

Paranoia is freaking me out. I know I should not think about morbid thoughts but I cannot help it! This is about my son! I cannot just put this issue to rest. Once again, I checked all the possible places of where he could possibly be—the classrooms, the comfort rooms, the activity area, the quadrangle. There’s one place left—the playground. Yes, the playground! I was half running just to reach the playground in record time. I was relieved when I saw Eliah sitting on the swing while a man was kneeling in front of him. I felt my tears roll down my eyes as comfort replaced the panic that had set in my system.

“Mommy!” Eliah shouted animatedly the moment he saw me standing two feet away from him. He jumped down from the swing and ran towards me. I was still crying for I could not control the flow of tears streaming down my eyes. “Hi, baby,” I said in between sobs. I hugged him tight as soon as I was able to reach him. God, I feel so reassured, having embraced my child like this. “Why are you crying, Mommy? Did you and Daddy Rain have a fight?”

“”Mommy’s just happy to see you, baby. I was worried because I did not see you in the classrooms.” “Don’t worry, Mommy. I was just talking to Daddy Mikko. Please stop crying, Mommy. Come, Daddy Mikko’s here.” Eliah grabbed my hand and drag me towards the man who was kneeling on the ground a while ago. Though my eyes were blurred with tears, I am certain that my vision is not playing a trick on me. It was him. It was really him.

“Oh, my gosh!”

“How have you been, Gwen?” “You’re back. You are back. I… I can’t believe it.” “Believe it now, Gwen. I am back and I’m staying here for good. Me and a certain someone for that

matter.”

“What do you mean you and a certain someone?”

“I’ll explain later. For now, stop crying will you? You look gross.”

“Shut up!” I feel like a bi-polar, laughing so hard while crying at the same time. The three of us walked together towards a nearby bench. We sat on the opposite side of Eliah, I was on the right while he was on the left. For the first time in three years, we looked like a family. It was the first time that the three of us were really together. And it feels just right. Just so right. “I received all your emails. The messages got me thinking, “Why can’t I be a father to my own child?” It was really a revelation, Gwen. Thank you Gwen, I owe it to you.” “Thank you too, for realizing those things. Eliah really needs you. I’m happy to see him this happy. Whenever he comes home after school, he would always tell me stories about you. At first I don’t want to believe but now, seeing you here, I’m happy.” “I missed you and our son. Sana noon ko pa naisip na magpakatino. E di sana noon pa, masaya na tayong pamilya,” he said, bowing his head down, his lips forming a bitter smile. “We can always start over right?” I said assuringly.

“I hope so, Gwen. I hope so.” “Daddy, why are you sad? Will Tita Krizza come here too just like yesterday?” “No, baby. Tita Krizza went back to Spain this morning. She has to fix some papers then she’ll go back here soon.”

“Who’s Krizza?” Instead of answering my question, he stood up and carried Eliah. “Are you free tonight? I’d like to have a family dinner with the two of you. You and I might as well discuss some important matters that concern our family.” The tone of his voice suggested authority. It was like a rule that should not be broken. “Yeah, sure. I guess it’s a good idea.”

“Yay! Yay! Family dinner! Yehey, I’m having a family dinner with my Mommy and Daddy!” Having my family complete, seeing Eliah this happy, knowing that Mikko accepts Eliah, I could not ask for more.

XXIII. JEALOUSY Mikko brought us to a fine dining restaurant that sits across the Manila Bay. The place had a perfect view of the majestic sun as it fades across the horizon. Memories of the yesteryears started to rush in--memories of Mikko and I as we first told each other ‘I love you.’ Looking back gave a familiar feeling inside my heart. The familiar fluttering of butterfly wings inside my stomach was there, the loud thumping of my heart was audible, and the shivering feeling of giddiness was equally present. Mikko and I. We would have been together for four going on five years now. The ‘what if’ and the ‘would have been’ scenarios flooded my mind as he and Eliah bonded as we wait for our food to be served. I know Eliah is now happy to be with Mikko. I am happy, too, that Mikko was able to accept Eliah as his own child. “Hey, why are you smiling like that?” Mikko commented. “I am just happy to see both of you together. It makes me want to cry, scream, and laugh all at the same time. You don’t know how long have I been wishing for this moment to happen.” “Well, I’m sorry for being such a jerk years ago. Everything has a reason. All those bad memories, I mean,” he said, his lips forming into a frown. “Let’s just move on, Mikko. I know we both didn’t what happened. But I didn’t regret having Eliah.” It is true. If I were to rewrite my life according to my own desire, I would still let that fateful night happen. If not for that day, I wouldn’t have Eliah as my baby, I wouldn’t have an angel to make me happy every time I am sad. He’s a blessing, a miracle in my life. “Me too, but I wish I did it the right way. I wish I didn’t force you.” He had this regretful look on his face. I can now say that he’s back. He’s the Mikko that I once knew, the Mikko that I had once fallen in love so madly with. “Let’s not talk about that, okay?” I said, reaching for his hand on the table. “So, tell me how have you been?” Mikko and I shared of what had happened about us for the past two years. He spent most of his time in Spain in a rehabilitation center that his dad sent him to. He was healed emotionally, and mentally. There he met Krizza, as he says, his best friend, his shoulder to lean on.

“So tell me more about this Krizza girl.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes were telling a different story. “The truth is that Mom and Krizza’s parents want us to get married.” I was left speechless, dumbfounded. He’s getting married with Krizza. There was a pang in my heart as the words he uttered began to sink in. I know I should not feel this way but I cannot help it. I was with him for a long time. He was my first love. He was the first man in my life. He was my first in everything. I am jealous, a bit. “Wow… Best wishes to the two of you then.” There was a long a pause between us. The awkwardness of the moment began to rise up. Good thing, the waiter came and served us our meal. We quietly dined and right after finishing our meal, he took Eliah and me home. When we reached the house, I called Chammie to take Eliah to his room. I wanted to have a word with Mikko. After Chammie arrived, we both got down from his car. I was standing in front of him while he was leaning down on his car. “So I guess this will be the last time I’ll see you as a bachelor?” I said sadly, as a single tear rolled down my eye. He reached for me and enveloped me in a tight embrace. I let loose of all the tears that I’ve been holding back. It was just too sudden. “Shhh, please don’t cry, Gwen. Don’t make this hard for me. It’s just our parents’ decision. Both of us object it. Krizza is in Spain right now to ask for Dad’s help. I know he’s against it, too. Don’t cry now, please? I don’t want to see you cry, love.” Love. He called me love. All the feelings came rushing back to me. I still love him. I still do. No matter how many times I deny it, he’s still the one. I did love Rain, I do. But I guess at the back of my mind, my heart still belongs to Mikko. He’s the only one all along. “W-what about R-Rain?” I whispered in between sobs. “Don’t worry about it. Rain knows everything.” “H-How?... I… How’s that possible?” How could Rain know everything? Rain told me he has no contact with Mikko. What is happening? “Don’t think much about it, Gwen. We’ll make it through, I promise you. Just hang on, love. I know we’ll make it together.” Mikko hugged me tighter. For a moment, the world seemed to stop. It was just Mikko and I, alone in our own world. But then, there will never be a perfect moment. Someone, somehow will arrive and ruin it. Just like now. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, ELIAH BRENN MICHAEL EVANGELISTA? WHY ARE YOU WITH THAT SLUT?” screamed Doña Althea Esguerra-Evangelista, Mikko’s mother, the antagonist in our own love story.

XXIV. REVELATION Doña Althea’s words pierced through my heart like a sword. Painful. I felt dirty. I felt as if I were really a slut—sullied, dishonored, plague of the society. Her words were usual but were powerful enough to make me feel like a shameful woman that should be banished and tormented for her crimes.

“Stop calling her a slut, Mom!” shouted the infuriated Mikko, clenching his fists tightly into a ball. His eyebrows were now forming a line. “Then what is she? A whore?” A smug smile dominated the old lady’s face. She was always like this—so full of herself. She is the high society’s authority, the rule. She never cared about anybody’s feelings and emotions. People bow down before her. No one dared to break her rules. “What are you doing here anyway, Mom? How did you know I am here?” “I am taking you back from that slut. That woman has polluted your mind already. Come on now, Mikko. We have a wedding to arrange.” Doña Althea commanded Mikko like a dog. She sounded like a dog trainer commanding her pet dog to sit, lie down, and play dead. The old woman began to close the distance between us. As she moves closer to us, I could feel Mikko’s grasp tighten. Mikko gently pushed me aside when his mom was just a few steps away from us. “How did you know I am here, mother?” Mikko repeated his words with much intensity. There was a trace of impatience and irritation in his voice. I can tell he did not like the idea of having his mother following him around. “I hired someone to look after you. Is that bad, my son? I just used your suggestion from way back. You know, when you and I had suspected that your father was having an affair with one of my amigas.” The woman shrugged, still with the smug smile on her face. She sure is full of herself. She never cared about anyone, not even her own son. “Don’t drag that old issue back, Mom. Go home, Mom. Let’s talk some other time.” “I won’t go home without you, hijo. I am taking you away from that slut! She’s no good for you! Krizza’s way better than her.” Mikko shoved his mother’s arm when his mom tried to grab him away. His mom was taken aback for a moment but was able to recover easily—in a mad way, though. Her wrinkle-free face was now tainted with creases; her perfectly shaped brows formed an almost one straight line; her lips were pursed by so much anger; and her eyes were blazing with fury. “I love Gwen, mother. I came back for her. I tried to change for her so she can take me back. I intend to build our family—Gwen, our son, Eliah and me. Let us be, mom.” Mikko’s voice was calmer now. He’s trying to reason out with his mother in a peaceful way, but his mother thought otherwise. She was up for a scandalous night. “You are choosing that slut over our family, Mikko? Have you gone insane, my son? That money-sucking whore? Get a life, hijo! You don’t have a future with that immoral woman and her bastard son!” She was screaming her lungs out this time. The high and mighty Doña Althea Esguerra-Evangelista was making a scene and it’s pissing me off. After hearing her words, I bowed down and reached for my forehead. I closed my eyes for the attempt to compose myself and control the anger building within me. I was hurt even more. The wounds she created were getting deeper and deeper. Call me a martyr for enduring all the pain that Mikko gave me, I don’t care. Call me stupid for loving Mikko all these years despite the sufferings, I don’t give a damn. Call me brainless for letting someone like Rain slip away, that I can still take. But calling my son, my little angel, a bastard, that I can’t endure. He’s too precious to be called as such. I am trying to remind myself that she is Mikko’s mother. She should be respected. But one more word—one more foul word—coming from her, I swear, I am going to forget that she’s someone from the high society. I am going to let loose all the anger within me. I am usually the calm one but this time, I can’t let it pass. “Stop it, Mom! You are overreacting already!”

“Hah! So you are siding with that loose woman? Are you even sure that her bastard son is your child? You’ve become a fool, Mikko! Can’t you see through her plans? She’s just us—” “I’m sorry to cut you off, Ma’am, but I think you have no right to accuse me as such. I don’t need Mikko for his money. My parents raised me up as a decent woman. I know about the high society’s so-called etiquette. Sorry to burst your bubble, Ma’am, but I was never a slut! Never did I flirted nor seduced your son! He raped me. Your son raped me!” “How dare you speak ill about my son!” The old woman hurriedly closed the remaining distance between us. She raised her hand and was about to slap me. I closed my eyes and waited for her hand to land on my cheek. Tears are streaming down my face even before Mikko’s mom’s hand reached my face. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for Doña Althea’s hand to land on my face. I heard the metal gates creak, footsteps of about two to three persons running. The moment I heard Mikko’s voice, I opened my eyes and saw him holding his mother’s arm, stopping his mom from slapping me. “It’s true, Mom! I RAPED GWEN! I FORCED HER TO HAVE SEX WITH ME!” I heard a collective gasp coming from the front gate. Mom, Chammie and Rain who was carrying Eliah were all standing there. They were all wearing the same shocked expressions, except Mom whose brows were connected in a line, her hand on her chest. She was slowly kneeling down, still clutching her chest. “MOM!” I shouted and ran to her side the moment her body made contact with the ground. More tears were flowing down my face and blurring my vision. Though blurred with tears, I witnessed my Mom as collapsing to the ground, having a heart attack. “If something happens to Tita Amanda, I swear I won’t talk to you ever again, Mom.” That was the last thing I heard from the surroundings. I was too absorbed by the pain that I am feeling right now. Mikko’s mom insulted me. Mom probably heard the truth about me already. Mom had a heart attack. She had a heart attack because of me. This is all my fault. I can’t bear to lose my mother. I need her in my life. I felt somebody pull me away from my Mom. I resisted. I clung onto Mom tighter, hugged her tighter. I cannot leave her at times like this. She needs me. “C’mon now, love. We need to bring Tita Amanda to the hospital. She needs to be taken care of. She’ll fine, okay?” reassured Mikko. He pulled me up and enveloped me in a tight hug as Rain carried Mom towards the car. “Don’t worry about Tita Amanda, Gwen. I’m going to make sure she’s safe,” said Rain before he rushed Mom to the hospital. I just nodded at him and silently prayed for their safe arrival in the hospital. After a few minutes of crying on Mikko’s chest, we decided to follow Rain to the hospital. During the whole trip, my heart was pounding rigorously; I was restless. I won’t forgive myself if something happens to her. “It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault, Mikko.” I started crying again. This is just too heavy on my part. I saw my mother having a heart attack right in front of me. “Shh, it’s not your fault, Gwen. I guess God wants them to know about our past. Don’t worry, we’ll brave this storm together. After all, I am the root of all this mess. I won’t leave you now. I’ll be here, love. I’ll be here.” Mikko pulled the car into a halt and parked the car in the nearby parking lot. He gathered me in his arms and once again, allowed me to cry my eyes out. Save my mother from harm, dear Lord. Save her. I won’t be able to make it without her. I love her, Lord. Please save her.

XXV. CONFRONTATION It has been three days but Mom has not opened her eyes yet. Her doctors assured us that it is quite normal

since Mom is still coping up and regaining her strength. It was good news, of course, but the thought of Mom being half-conscious makes me shiver in fear and guilt. She had an attack because of what she heard about me. If something happens to her, the blame would be directed towards me. They may not air their opinions but the tension inside the room every time everyone is present is suffocating enough for me not to notice. I am the one at fault. I am the one to blame for all of this. “Sweetheart, you should rest a bit. You’ve been looking after your Mom for more than 24 hours. Take some nap, honey. I’ll take care of your Mom for you,” said Dad calmly while caressing my back. He just got back from the convenience store to buy some food for us. Mom’s hospital room has become our home for the past few days. “It’s okay, Dad. I can still handle myself.” I don’t want to leave Mom’s side. Not when I am the cause of all this mess. “Can we talk then?” A lump began to form in my throat. It was becoming hard to swallow. My nasal airways were becoming narrower as air finds it hard to go in and out. My heart began to pump twice the usual pace as my mind was clouded with questions. Is this the inevitable confrontation? Will they disown me? Will they deny me now as their daughter? Will they still love me despite of being dirty? Will they still love me like the way they used to? Will they treat me as the Gwen they used to know? Dad patted my back and led me towards the couch. I know for sure that this conversation is about me being raped years ago. I sat there stiffly, waiting for my Father to utter his first word. Beads of sweat were running down on the sides of my face to my neck. “Why didn’t you tell us, Gwen? We could have helped you before. Why did you keep it to yourself, anak?” His voice was mild but it was not enough to put my heart at ease. I am scared that Dad might shove everything to my face. I am afraid that he would blame everything to me. “I am so sorry, Dad. I am so sorry.” I broke down. I was never good in confrontations like this. I always end up the loser without even starting the fight. “Forgive me, Dad. I was scared that you’ll reject me. I was scared of what you guys might brand me.” I buried my face in my hands while crying endlessly. Dad just sat there probably looking down on me. He must be disgusted with me already. He must be thinking of ways on how to tell me that he doesn’t want me to be his daughter anymore. But I was wrong. Instead of telling me harsh words, he held me close in a warm embrace. He stroked my back as he mumbled comforting words to stop me from crying. “We will never do that, Gwen. We love you so much, anak. We would have fixed things earlier.” “Sorry, Dad. I was so scared that you might reject me. I was engulfed by my own fears. Mikko threatened me that he’ll tell Mom about it. I was frightened on what will happen to Mom so I never dared to tell anybody about it. I’m really sorry, Dad. I’m really sorry it turned out like this.” Dad freed me from his embrace and wiped my tears away. His eyes speak of assurance, concern, and love. I guess they’re right. You will always run back to your family when things get out of hand. “We will never reject you, honey. You are our only child. Of course, we’ll do everything to make you safe and make sure you’re alright. But please don’t get mad at Daddy when you hear what I am going to say, okay?” My forehead automatically creased after hearing his words. Nevertheless, I nodded and assured Dad that I’ll

listen to him and won’t get mad at him. But one can’t deny the fact that my heart is like racing with a dozen horses and roaring like an angry lion. Dad took a deep breath before speaking. “The truth is I already know about this.” I was… dumbfounded. My jaws dropped literally. I never had a hint that Dad already knew about it. He never said a word nor gave a single clue that he knows something. His actions towards me were still the same as before. We never had an awkward moment when we’re together. To think, Dad became even sweeter to me. How? How come Dad knew all along? Did Mom knew something too? Why did he not confront me about this earlier? “I know a lot of questions are formulating inside your mind right now. Listen to me please, darling?” Dad pleaded while holding my hands tightly. I wasn’t able to speak a word. I was too shocked. All I could do was to nod and to listen to his words. “Do you remember that day when I caught Mikko and Rain fighting in front of our house? We had a serious talk that night. I asked them about their intentions and they were both serious with you. Then unexpectedly, Mikko started telling about that incident. He told me everything that he did to you. I was shocked when he told me that he forced you to have sex with him, beat the hell out of you, he cheated on you. You lost your second child because you saw him with another woman. He confessed everything to us, anak. I admire his courage to confess that. But I admired him even more when I heard the real reason behind everything and heard of his desire to change for the better.” I was too absorbed with what Dad has been narrating that I did not notice that I was crying once again. I wiped my tears and eagerly listened to Dad as he continues his story. “He did everything on purpose, Gwen. He wanted you to hate him. He wanted you to leave him. He did all the bad things that he could think of so you would find him unbearable. He was actually saving you from his mother’s wrath. He told me that from the beginning, his mother never liked you for Mikko. Though it was hard for him, he did all those things for your own sake.” So it was all for me all along. It was all about me. “He flew back to Spain because I asked him to. I told him not meet you unless he hasn’t changed. I salute him because he did so. He was in touch with me all along. I was monitoring his progress. He even asked my permission if he can go back to the Philippines and rebuild your family. Of course I permitted him because I wanted you to be happy. I know Rain is making you happy but it was different when you are with Mikko.” “I feel guilty about Rain, Dad. It was like I used him as my rebound.” “You don’t have to worry about it, anak. Rain loves you so much to the point that he was willing to step aside for his friend. He promised Mikko that he’ll take care of you while he’s still in Spain. He knows everything too and is in touch with Mikko too. I admire both of them, Mikko and Rain. They were able to do those things because of love.” Am I that worth it? They made those sacrifices for me. They did a lot for me already while I haven’t really done anything for them. “We all love you, Gwen. Don’t let your insecurities bring you down. We love you for who you are. We love you because you are our own. We love you despite of all your impurities. All of us are flawed so are we to judge you?” People who does not know and understand the real situation tend to judge us hastily because they let their fickle mindedness prevail. But those people who understands the situation will never do that because they love us and accept us despite all our flaws.

XXVI. Eliah Brenn Michael Evangelista, Jr.

Right after talking to Dad about some pressing issues about my life, Rain came and clarified many issues concerning our relationship. On that same day, we parted ways, wishing each other well. There were no hard feelings involved since we now both know the real score between us.

For the past months that we've been together, I have learned to love him more than a friend. Yes, I did but my father was right. It was far different from the times I had with Mikko--the earlier stages of our relationship though. I may be contradicting my own words before but this time I am sure. I love Mikko more than other guy in this world.

I gave my thanks to Rain for taking care of me while Mikko was away. If I were him, I would have given up from the beginning. I could not dare to look after the one I love for the sake of another. Worse, for the sake of my rival. He is someone worthy to build a statue for. He is such a selfless man. I wish all the best for him. After all, he deserves it.

The following day was pure bliss for us. Mom finally woke up from her three-day slumber. The first person she called was me. I immediately rushed to her side and hugged her tight. I bombarded her with my apologies to the point that she jokingly shoved me away becuase she was getting stressed up again.

Doctors told us that Mom was doing fine and in a span of one-week max, we could already bring her home. True enough, just two days ago, Mom was released from the hospital and was able to go back in our house in Makati City. Though we have to hire a private nurse to take care of Mom and to assist her as she tries to walk normally again.

Things are going back to normal. Mom is recovering, Dad is working again. Rain is preparing for his upcoming board exam. He still comes by during his free time to play with Eliah. Eliah is keeping company to her grandmother since school's over. Everything is well again except for one thing. Mikko and I haven't resolved our issue regarding his arranged marriage with Krizza.

“You okay?” asked Mikko while squeezing my hand tight. The truth is I am nervous but with his gesture, it somehow lessened the fidgety feeling. We are on our to Doña Althea’s house. Mikko’s Dad and Krizza had just arrived from Spain the other day and they all agreed to talk to Doña Althea about this issue.

“I’m fine. I’m just a bit nervous. I don’t want another accident to happen, if you know what I mean.”

Mikko gently snaked his arms around my waist and cuddled me tighter, closer to his body. Due to the proximity, I could hear the natural beating of his heart. Hearing his heartbeat regulated the rapid beating of mine. “I’m sure Dad can persuade Mom to cut off the agreement. Let’s leave this thing to adults and Krizza okay?”

“I hope this turns out right.”

“It will, love. Just keep the faith.”

We met up with Krizza and Mikko’s dad at a café near the Evangelistas’ mansion in Quezon City. They were both there when we arrived. Though it’s my first time to meet Krizza, she welcomed me with a warm hug.

In the few minutes that we talked, I can say that she’s a very nice person. One would not have awkward moments with her. It’s no wonder she and Mikko got along and even became best of friends.

“I hope we can get to know each other more. You can visit our house anytime you want,” I offered Krizza before hopping inside Tito Mike’s car. Since Rain and I took a cab going here, his dad asked us to ride with him as we go to their house.

“Thank you, Gwen. I hope you wouldn’t mind if I visit your place often and keep on bugging you about pregnancy issues.” Krizza smiled timidly, her cheeks were as red as a rose in full bloom.

I squealed in delight as soon as the message registered in my mind. She’s actually pregnant! I rushed to her and hugged her tight. Oh the joys of being a mother.

“Of course I’d love to!”

“Jung-su finally got it right! Congrats, Kai.”

“Wait, who’s Jung-su?”

“He’s my boyfriend, Gwen. He’s staying in Seoul right now. I’ll be flying there in two months’ time.”

Tito Mike cut our conversation and told us to go. I was too overjoyed that I actually forgot our real intention. We really need to talk to Doña Althea as soon as possible. It’s not just for me and Mikko, but also for Krizza, her boyfriend and her baby. It would be unfair for them if Doña Althea would push through with the wedding.

---x-x-x--- The Evangelistas’ abode on La Vista Subdivision in Quezon City speaks of elegance and luxury. Two security guards watched over the five hundred square meter lot. The metal gate automatically opened as soon as the bumper of Tito Mike’s car crossed over the sensor located a meter far from the gate. Fine marble consisted the flooring of their front porch. Doña Althea stood there with might as we watched us ascend the steps of her precious porch. She was leaning on the wooden door while one of her maids was fanning for her. “To whom dol I owe this visit, my dear Mike? It’s been a while, darling,” greeted the Evangelista family’s matriarch sarcastically. “Don’t I have the right to come and visit my own home, Althea?” Tito Mike answered with supremacy. It was like he was marking his territory. After all, he was the one who worked hard to build this dwelling. He definitely has the privilege to come here anytime he wants. For the first time, I saw the almighty Doña Althea back off. She turned her back to us and went straight inside her comfort zone. I guess Mikko’s right. With his Mom’s reaction to Tito Mike, I’m sure the old man can pull us out of this mess. We followed Tito Mike in and sat on the couch. Mikko’s parents were both standing across each other, giving one another a scornful gaze. Tension was starting to fill the room as the staring contest between the two older Evangelista ensued. No one from the three of us—Krizza, Mikko, and I—dared to speak out of fear. After a few minutes or so, Mikko’s mom broke the deafening silence.

“What is your business here, Mike? Why did you bring that woman inside this house?” Of course, she was pertaining to me. She was even pointing her finger towards me. She was avoiding my gaze though. I felt like I was feared like Medusa, turning every person that meets my gaze into a rock. “I’ll go straight to the point, Althea. I do not like the fact that you took over your son’s life! You even brought innocent people in this mess! Let them be, Althea. They’re big enough to decide for themselves. Don’t take away their freedom to choose whoever they want to spend their life with!” Tito Mike’s words were calm but powerful. He was not shouting but one can feel the vigor in voice. “Hah! Are you saying that out of experience, Mike? Are you saying this because I never allowed you to marry your mistress?” A mocking smile appeared on her face. She’s ridiculing her own husband. How dare she? She never really cared about anybody’s feelings but her own. “Don’t dig up the issues of the past, Althea. This is about Mikko’s life! You don’t know how affected he was with you taking over his life!” “Changing the topic aren’t you? Why don’t you tell your son how much of a bastard his father is? Why don’t you let your son know that you asked for an annulment just so you could live with your mistress?” “Then why don’t you tell your son that you begged me not to file that annulment because you were afraid to lose all this wealth? I gave in to your selfish whims and left Mikko’s full custody to you because I thought you’ll take care of my son. But I was so wrong, Althea. That was the gravest mistake I’ve ever done. You used Mikko to secure your status, Althea.” “W-what are you taking about, Mike?” Doña Althea’s words trailed off. Confusion and denial was written all over her face. “Do you know why Mikko raped Gwen? Do you know why Mikko beat up Gwen every time he comes home from this house? Do you know why Mikko cheated on Gwen and slept with another woman? It was all because of you, Althea! He obeyed you all his life but you never gave a second look at him. He rebelled against you but you never knew. You know why? Because you are so full of yourself! All you think about was how to maintain your status. Of course, Mikko’s your sure pass so what you did was to command him. You are his mother so he followed you everytime, but when the time came that he wanted you to look at him, you ignored him. You neglected your own son, Althea. He did all those misconducts because he thought you would finally care about him but you never did. You never did.” Mikko started shaking in his seat. His mouth was shut tight, his jaw was clenched. His fists were molded into a rigid ball. He was crying. Tears fell down from my eyes as I gathered him in my arms. He was searching for his mother’s attention all along. “He did the things that would make Gwen hate him because you wanted him to leave her. Though it was hard for him to do so, he still did. You might be his mother but you don’t have the right to interfere with his life like that. Give your son some breathing space! You’re suffocating him with your self-centered whims. You even dragged Krizza into this chaos. Let the children decide for their own. If you badly want to tie up with Krizza’s family, then go marry her parents!” I looked up and witnessed Doña Althea cry. She was sobbing quietly. She was actually forcing herself not to cry. Up until this moment, she still has her pride on top of her vocabulary. I noticed Krizza slowly standing up nad began saying, “I’m sorry, Tita Althea. I know Mom and Dad had already agreed to you about my marriage to Mikko. However, I cannot let that happen, Tita. Not at this time. Not when I am carrying the child of someone whom I dearly love. I don’t want us to break apart, Tita. I love Jung-su so much. Please, Tita, cancel the preparations for the wedding. I know this will hurt your ego but please understand, Tita. Love is much more important than a bruised ego.” Doña Althea hastily wiped away the beads of water that were slowly gliding on her face. She took a couple of deep breaths and shook her head. She was obviously disappointed with what had just transpired. She threw me a sharp glance but when her gaze shifted towards Mikko, her eyes softened as if asking for forgiveness. Too bad, Mikko wasn’t able to catch a glimpse of her mother’s expression for he was still leaning on my shoulders, crying his heart out.

Doña Althea once again, took a deep breath then declared, “Do whatever you like. I don’t care anymore.” Right after giving her short speech, she walked away and headed for the grand staircase. In a few seconds, she already vanished from my line of sight. Tito Mike closed the distance between us. He patted his son’s back, assuring Mikko that everything is fine now. He help Mikko stand up and guided his son out the house until we reached his car. I waved my goodbye to Krizza and promised to keep in touch. As we travel back home, Mikko fell asleep on my lap. “Don’t worry about Althea, Gwen. Just give her time. I know she will eventually accept the things that had just happened. I’m apologizing for her—for all the damages that she had done. I’m sorry, Gwen. Thank you for keeping up with Mikko and loving him despite of everything. It means a lot to a father like me. He’s been through so much. Thank you for still being by his side.” Tito Mike smiled genuinely at me. I answered back wholeheartedly with a smile. “It was worthy loving your son, Tito Mike. We’ve been through a lot, yes, but it didn’t break us apart. I love him with all of my heart and I don’t care whether he’s perfect or not. What matters is I accepted him as he is and loved him because he is Mikko.” “My son is so lucky to have you, Gwen.” I just gave the old man a courteous nod and a sweet smile as I try to wake Mikko up. I said my thanks and goodbye to Tito Mike before Mikko and I got down from his car. Mikko would be staying with us for the mean time, for how long I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. We both went straight to my bedroom and slumped on my bed. Good thing it was big enough for the two us. Mikko must have been tired that the moment his body made contact with the bed, his eyes shut down, and his body systems went into a deep slumber. I, on the other hand, remained awake and full of energy. Everything is starting to be fine now. We can be together now. No one will stop us anymore from being together. After all the hardships that we’ve been through, we managed to stay strong together. I know this will work out. We’ll be together `til infinity. “Mikko, love,” I whispered then moved closer to him. I brushed off the hairs that blocks my view of his gorgeous face. This is the face of the man I love. I will forever love this man despite of all his flaws. Now I know why God has purposely let us to be together. God gave him to me as my other half because I will fill in all his flaws, and he shall do the same. His weakness will be my strength and my weakness shall be my strength. I was not the only victim in this game. He was the real victim. He was a puppet of his mother. He was moving because of his mother’s will, not of his own will. He was able to do those horrible things to me so I would end up hating him. So I could leave him because his mother does not approve of me. He did those things because he thought he could experience the love he had been longing for from his mother. All along, a mother’s love. I kissed his forehead tenderly then whispered, “I’ll let you feel all the love that your mother had deprived you of. I will pamper you with all the love you need. I love you. Forever will.”

XXVII. FIRST LOVE

I was awakened by the gentle caress on my cheek and by the soft feel of warm lips on my forehead. I slowly opened my eyes and caught a glimpse of him—the man I love the most. A warm smile freely materialized on my lips. I lightly tossed the velvety covers of my bed that was keeping me warm during the night. “Good morning, love,” he said dearly. He reached for my hand and held it tight. It was as firm as if he was too frightened to see me vanish in thin air.

“Good,” before continuing my greeting, I glanced at the alarm clock sitting on top of my bedside table—it was a quarter past four am,“ morning too, love.”

With his free hand, he sought for my cheek and then pinched it tenderly.

“Hey, that hurts!” I complained, rubbing my hurt cheek. Fine, I was just exaggerating a bit.

“Sorry, I can’t help it. You’re cute kapag bagong gising.”

I pouted. He’s obviously fooling around. What’s with this guy? Did he just come here to kid me?

“Argh, stop doing that!”

“Doing what?” I was clueless, really. What have I done?

“Pouting,” he said while pointing to my lips. “Makes me want to kiss you.”

Just a while ago, he was fooling me. The next minute, he was flirting with me. I know something’s up. He must be here to ask something from me. Oh, he never changed. Just like the same old Mikko. Nevertheless, I love him.

“Alright, what do you want?” I sat straight then crossed my arms over my chest. To finish the I-know-something’s-up look, I raised my eyebrow and the right corner of my mouth. I made a quick glance at the alarm clock sitting on my bedside table. It was screaming the numbers four, one, and five. It was freaking 4:15 am!

“Aww, you caught me. You know me so well. I’m flattered.”

“C’mon, cut the crap. What brought you here? It’s a quarter past four in the morning. This must be

important or else I’ll wring your neck, seriously!” I’m not mad. I’m just acting up.

“It’s Eliah’s birthday today.”

I dug my journal under my pillows; I quickly turned to the page where the bookmark was left. Oh, goodness gracious. “I forgot!” I blurted out. I buried my face in Mikko’s shoulders. Gaah, it’s embarrassing. I really did forget that it’s our son’s birthday. The past few days have been stressful and I have not fully coped up yet. What kind of a mother am I? Forgetting her son’s birthday? Tsk.

He lifted my head then pulled me out of the comforting warmth of the blanket. He pushed me towards the door of the bathroom inside my room and said, “Go, take a bath. I’ll pack your things for you.”

I turned to him and raised my eyebrow. What does he mean by that?

“Just go okay? Leave the packing and everything to me.”

Argh, what in the world is happening?

--x-x-x-- After about an hour of flying in the air, the plane finally reached our destination. As it turns out, Mikko conspired with everyone in the house to not tell Eliah and me about our supposed trip to Bohol. And it worked. I only knew about it when we were about to board the plane going to Tagbilaran City.

“You’re one sneaky little boy,” I said, punching him lightly on his arm.

“It’s a surprise, Gwen. Surprises are supposed to be kept as secrets. It wouldn’t be a surprise anymore if it’s spilled already. Knowing you, you’ll blurt it out as soon as I’ve told you about it.” He smirked. I was about to turn away from him but he immediately caught my arm. He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me for some seconds.

“What?” I finally broke the silence going on between us.

He cupped my face then brushed away the strands of hair that were covering my face. Our foreheads touched. “Pikon,” he said, sticking his tongue out.

“You are so mean,” I frowned. He is always like this—taking advantage of my temper. I was about to move away when I felt somebody was tugging the hem of my dress. I looked down and saw Eliah smiling from ear to ear. He raised his arms, motioning us to carry him. Mikko took the honor and lifted his son. “Happy birthday, Eliah.”

“Thank you, Daddy.” Eliah hugged Mikko and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. “Can we go now, Daddy? I want to see the tarsiers already! Please, Daddy?”

“Alright, my baby boy’s excited so let’s go!”

After waiting for our luggage, we went straight to the airport’s arrival area and waited for the hotel’s service van. Mom, Dad, Chammie and Luisa, mom’s private nurse, were with us too. They were sitting on a bench near the exit gate while waiting. Mikko and Eliah, on the other hand, were busy taking pictures around. What a vain father and son.

When the van arrived, Eliah squealed and scurried towards the vehicle. He’s really excited to see those tarsiers. Mikko was feeding Eliah stories about those nocturnal species during the whole plane ride. No wonder Eliah’s this excited to see them.

Since we arrived in Tagbilaran around ten in the morning, we decided to take the countryside tour. Mikko had already hired a driver-slash-tourist guide for us. By eleven, the driver had already arrived and drove us to our first destination.

---x-x-x--- “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, happy birthday. Happy birthday to you,” we sang in chorus as the birthday boy enthusiastically claps his hand waiting for us to finish our song. Once we’re done, his mouth formed an ‘O’ then rapidly blew the four blue candles on his chocolate cake. “Aww, you haven’t wished yet, baby.”

“It’s okay, Mommy. Papa Jesus already gave me the best birthday present ever,” Eliah stated with conviction. “May I ask what is that?”

“One big happy family.” My baby boy stood up on his chair then wrapped his tiny arms around my neck.

Truth be told, I am surprised with his answer. He’s too young yet he understands.

My tears were on the brink of falling. I tried hard to resist the urge to let all the drops of tears fall. I was touched with my son’s words. And I am happy that we are able to give him what he really wanted. A family.

Thank You, Lord, for granting my son’s wish. I could not ask for more.

“Can we eat now, Mommy? I want spaghetti!”

“Sure thing, honey.” Chammie took Eliah from me to assist Eliah while he eats. I, on the other hand, went out to have a feel of Bohol’s warm breeze. My feet led me to the shore of the crystal clear Bohol beach. The gentle blow of the waves against the fine white sand was music to ears. I lay down to see a better picture of the heavens.

Party music from the nearby crowd was loud but it did not affect the serenity that the place was giving me. I had a chance to ponder on the things that has happened to me for the past four years. I realized how love could be so powerful, how love could change the course of our lives.

“Emo moments?” The familiar voice made me rise from my pseudo bed. I glanced back to confirm my hunch. “Hey,” I said. He sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel butterfly wings fluttering inside my stomach. My heart was beating rapidly as if a thousand horses were competing in a race. “Just thinking about some stuff.”

“What are you thinking?”

“The past,” I mumbled, playling with the buttons on my long-sleeved polo. The proximity was sending shivers down to my spine. I never thougt that I am still capable of feeling this way—giddy and gay—considering that I am turning twenty in three months.

“What about it?”

“Wala naman, I was reminiscing about four years ago. I realized na madrama pala ang buhay ko. Imagine, in a span of four years, I was raped, I had a child, I was beaten, I was cheated on, I lost my second child, I left you, I met another guy, I was branded as a slüt, I almost lost my mother, I dumped the perfect guy for the bad guy, I got my family back.”

“And it was all because of me.” There was a tinge of sadness and guilt in his voice. I looked back and soothed his crumpled face. Yes, everything was rooted at his faults but those mistakes were triggered by something bigger. “I haven’t asked for forgiveness, right?”

He did not wait for me to answer his question. He stood up and brushed the sand that got stuck on his pants. Then, he looked at me lovingly and offered his hand to me. Without a doubt, I accepted his hand. He

rested my arms on his shoulders. With his free hand, he took his phone from the pocket of his pants and started pressing the keys. After a while, a bittersweet love song filled the air.

Saigono kissu wa Tabako no flavor gashita Nigakute setsunai kaori Ashita no imagoro ni wa Anata wa doko ni irun darou' Dare wo omotte 'run darou' The moment he circled his arms around my waist, I felt protected. The way he holds me right now was different from the way he does before. This time, he was handling me with care as if I were a sculpture worth millions. You are always gonna be my love Itsuka dare kato mata koi ni ochitemo I'll remember to love You taught me how You are always gonna be the one Imawa mada kanashii love song Atarashi uta utaeru made We danced with the sea singing the song for us. We cuddled as the cold wind blew. We kissed with the moon and the stars as our witness. Tachidomaru jikan ga Ugoki dasou to shiteru Wasuretakunai koto bakari Ashita no imagoro ni wa Watashi wa kitto naiteru Anata wo omotte 'run darou' “I am so sorry for everything I’ve done, love. I did those because I wanted you to leave me. I wanted you to hate me because I was becoming a jerk. I badly wanted to prove myself to my mother. I did the worst just to please her. I caused you pain. You suffered because I was so blinded by my goal to prove myself to the mother who was never one to me.” His eyes speak of sadness, guilt, and longing. Sadness, for all the bad things that has happened; Guilt, for being the reason of this mess; Longing, for the love that he never experienced from his mom. “But I guess I am one lucky man. You still love me despite of all the troubles that I’ve caused. These past few days, I kept asking myself, ‘What have I done for her to love me this much?’ I am thankful to have you and to hold you this close, Gwen. I thought I’ll never be with you again. Insecurities over Rain ate me whole. I thought you’d choose him over me, considering the gruesome things I did to you. But I guess luck is on my side. You chose me, you’re here with me. This time, I’ll be better. I won’t hurt you again, I promise. Let’s start over, Gwen. I love you, love.” You will always be inside my heart Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara I hope that I have a place in your heart too Now and forever you are still the one Imawa mada kanashii love song Atarashii uta utaeru made You are always gonna be my love Itsuka dare kato mata koi ni ochitemo I'll remember to love You taught me how You are always gonna be the one Mada kanashii love song yeah Now & forever ah... I cupped his face and made our foreheads touch. “I love you. It has been you all along. You effortlessly captured my heart with your enchantment ever since the first day we met. And now, I can't even spell the word forever without you. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life without you in the picture. You made me believe and trust in love. We may have faced a lot of trials but it just made us stronger. So don’t ever doubt my love for you.” “You don’t know how happy I am after hearing you say that. You uplift my weary soul, Gwen. I am lucky to be loved by you. I really won’t mess up this time. If I do, you can wring my neck anytime. Thank you, Gwen. I love you.” The song ended but we remained in our position. We continued dancing though the only music we could

hear was the song of the sea. I moved a little so I could see his face—handsome and perfect. For a moment, my hand seemed to have a mind of its own. It voluntarily caressed his cheek. I looked up and saw him looking at me fervently. His eyes speaks of unrelenting love and passion. He copied my move, stroking my cheek gently. Then, he gently planted soft kisses on my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, and my cheek. Once again, he looked at me intently before his lips landed on mine. For a while, we forgot the world and minded our own. The moment our lips met, tiny fireworks exploded inside my system. His kiss gave me an idea of heaven here on earth. The kiss we are sharing right now could not be explained by a simple word. It was as if I am being kissed for the first time again. And I would not trade this feeling for the whole world.

XXVIII. SURPRISES I was outside one of the school’s main building, waiting for a free cab to drive me home. Most of the cabs were occupied since it was dismissal time. I was about to hail a cab when my mobile phone rang. My hands dived inside my bag to search for my phone. Quote

Rain Gonzales

091750041**

Calling Immediately, I answered Rain’s call. I haven’t heard from him in a while. He had been so busy from his board exam last month. His whereabouts, I have no idea. He was only keeping in touch with Mikko and he doesn’t even leave a single message for me. Maybe because he’s still trying to cope up even though he told me he was fine.

“Hey, long time no talk, Mister,” I greeted him as soon as I tapped the answer button on my phone. Somehow, talking to him casually is awkward. After all, we shared some intimate moments in the five months we spent together as a couple.

“I miss you, Gwen.” There was a long pause before he spoke again. “I know it’s awkward but I’m just being honest.” “You are always the honest one, Rain.”

“Thank you, Gwen. It means a lot coming from you.”

“Where are you anyway?” I asked. I really have no idea where he is right now.

“Look across, the black sedan.” I did what he told me. A black BMW was parked perpendicular to where I am standing. As if in slow motion, a man descended from the car. The man was talking to someone on the phone and was walking his way towards my direction.

My jaw literally dropped when the man from the car stopped in front of me. Oh my God, it was Rain! I was not able to move a muscle when he flashed that familiar lopsided grin.

“Kung hindi ko lang alam na in love ka sa best friend ko, iisipin kong patay na patay ka sa’kin.”

"Rain!" Still in awe, I rushed up to him and hugged him tight. I don't care if many people would see us like this, but hey, I missed this guy, alright.

"Happy birthday, Gwen," he said, hugging me back as tight as my hug for him.

I moved away a bit and looked at him in the eye. Then, I smiled, the sweetest as possible."You remembered. Thank you, Rain."

"How could I forget you? You are the world to me, Gwen. Err, you were actually."

Looking at him, I could say something has changed in him. He was vibrant. I know he usually is but it was overflowing this time. His aura was exuding brightness, even brighter than during the times we were together. Looking at him now, he looks like he's... in love.

I am so happy for him. I don't want him to be locked up with his feelings for me. Maybe, the time that we were away from each other has been good on him. If not, he would not look as vibrant and handsome as he is right now. Maybe, the days he spent alone gave him enough time to cope up with reality and to accept the things that we can never change. And maybe, during those moments, he found the girl that would really be for his taking.

"What's with the look, Gwen?" I was looking at him with a big stupid grin on my face kasi.

"Nothing, I'm just happy. So tell me, who's the lucky girl?"

He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards his car. He even opened the passenger's side's door. What a gentleman he is.

"Buckle up. I'll tell you about her on our way to your house."

So there really is a special girl in his heart now.

--- "She's not the prettiest woman I've ever seen but there's something in her that makes me look back at her. There's more to her as her face suggests. Her eyes were commanding me to get to know her more. And so I did. Right now, we're in this sort of 'it's complicated' thing. I want, rather we both want to take things slow. There's no need to rush things. We have the whole world ahead of us."

All the while Rain was narrating these things about his girl, a wide smile was plastered on his face. It cannot be denied that he is happy and contented now.

“You seem happy, Rain. Good for you.” I meant what I said. Of all people, he is truly the one who deserves to be loved.

“When will I meet her?”

He looked at me with excitement. His eyes were like stars, twinkling and giving off light.“Now.”

The car pulled into a halt a few blocks from house. Many cars were parked along the street of our place. I glanced at Rain with a questioning look but he just shrugged. We got down his car and walked our way towards our residence. The house was bright with lights and party music was playing loudly. I shot another inquiring look at Rain, but again, he just shrugged.

We were about to enter the gate when I saw a beautiful woman standing by the metal gate. She waved in our direction and started walking towards us. Rain walked past me and welcomed the girl with a hug. I guess she is his special girl.

“Gwen, this is Alyssa, my girl. Alyssa, this is Gwen, my ex-girlfriend and my best friend.”

Rain was right. She might not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but her sweet smile and her chocolate brown eyes will enchant you. It was like a magnet, attracting you to come up to her and get to know her better. It must be the reason why Rain was shot by cupid.

“Hi,” Alyssa greeted eagerly. She extended her hands to me for a handshake. I accepted it then hugged her afterwards. It may seem awkward for the ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend to be together, but actually, we get along. While talking to her, I discovered that we have many traits in common. And I am sure that she and Rain will last long, if not forever. I wish both of them well.

--- The bright lights, the line of cars parked along our street, the party music were all part of the surprise birthday party that my friends with Neshian as the mastermind had given me. My friends from elementary, high school, and college were there. My close relatives also attended the said event. My parents were there; Rain and Alyssa, and even Rain’s parents were present too. But the most important persons in my life, Mikko and Eliah, were not there.

“Nesh, have you seen—”

“I think you should change your dress,” she commented, cutting my words. Though confused, I just went with the follow. I followed her towards my room. She made me sit in front of my vanity mirror. I just sat there, watching through the mirror how she rummaged my clothes.

After a while, Neshian finally settled with a black and beige combination. She pushed me inside my bathroom and asked me to change into the dress that she chose for me. Again, though confused, I obeyed her instructions.

Neshian carried out her magic on me again. The moment she put down the brushes, the comb, and the hairdryer she used, I was stuck on admiration. The woman I am seeing now in the mirror was different from the Gwen I used to know.

“Is this what I get for drinking three shots of tequila?” My forehead creased out of disbelief. The reflection on the mirror, is it me or is it just a hallucination?

“You really are beautiful, Gwen. No doubt about that. Now, let’s go!” Neshian cheered then snatched my arm and escorted me out of the room. Seriously, what is the catch with the people today? They have been dragging me to here and there since Rain fetched me from school.

“Where are we going?” I asked Neshain as we occupied the back seat of her car.

“Relax, okay.” She turned to her driver and said, “UP Sunken Garden, Mang Johnny.”

What in the world will we do in UP Sunken Garden at this time of the night?

--- I felt the car stop. We must be in UP already. Of course, I have no idea what is happening since Neshian had blindfolded me the instant that Mang Johnny had hit the gas. Nesh told me that for this day, the journey is not important but the destination is what matters most.

“Careful,” she uttered while helping me get out of the car. She guided me as we walk down the ramp. The last time I remember, there was no ramp in this field. The ground only has tree roots, grass, soil, and more soil.

“Nesh?” I voiced out as her hand vanished from my grasp. My heart began pounding deafeningly as the seconds pass by. My knees were wobbling, as I cannot sense any person within my reach.

Instead of letting paranoia kick in, I convinced myself to focus on the surrounding. I inhaled deeply. I continued the process until every bit of distraction has been wiped way.

Once again, I tried calling out Neshian's name, hoping that she was just playing a prank on me. A glint of hope rushed through my veins when a warm hand touched mine. But instead of Neshian's big and slender fingers, small and chubby ones held onto my hand.

“Eliah?” “Shh, we’re not supposed to talk Mommy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby.” I zipped my mouth then I heard Eliah giggle.

Eliah became the eyes I was deprived of at the moment. He cautiously directed me to a certain place in the field. A fresh and sweet scent filled the vicinity, hinting of flowers. I sensed a huge bulk behind me. The person was untying the blindfold. Moments later, my eyes had adjusted with the light.

My vision was welcomed by a bunch of red roses and a candlelight. It was Rain. He was holding a bouquet of red roses on his right hand while a lit candle on the left.

“I know you’re surprised to see me here. I know, too, that many questions are entering your mind right now. But those things would be answered later. Just listen to me first, okay?”

I nodded in response. I am receiving too many surprises for my birthday, isn’t it?

“I have accepted my defeat from the day I agreed to take care of you while Mikko was away. I wanted to fight for you but there are things that cannot be changed. Like your love for my best friend Mikko. The only

consolation I had was the time you said ‘yes’ to me. It may have not lasted long but rest assured that I’ll treasure everything. You will always be my best friend, Gwen. I love you, best friend.”

Drops of tears escaped from my eyes. I was so moved by Rain’s words. He had been so selfless for the past four years. He had sacrificed a lot for the sake of his friend, his brother. I really, really hope that Alyssa would be the one for him. He deserves all the happiness in the world.

“Thank you, Rain. You’ve been a very good friend to me. I’m sorry for breaking your heart and leaving you for Mikko. But it’s all in the past now, right? I hope you find happiness with your new girlfriend. I hope you two will spend the rest of your lives forever. I know she loves you so much. Don’t ever let her go, okay?” I said in between sobs. I closed the distance between us and hugged him tight, not minding the flowers and the candle he was holding.

“I won’t, Gwen. She’s my life, my world, my universe now. Some people may think she is just a rebound girl, but she isn’t. I love her as she is and I am happy to be with her.”

“Good for you, Rain. You deserve someone like her.”

“Thank you, Gwen. Hey, I gotta escort you to your next post. Happy birthday, Gwen.” He freed himself from my hug and tied the blindfold over my eyes again. Slowly, we walked over to my ‘next post.’

After a while, the blindfold was once again untied. This time, my parents welcomed me with another bunch of flowers and a lit candle. They did not utter a single word. Instead, they just smiled and led me towards a big white screen, and together, we watched an AVP.

The whole time the video was playing, I was bawling my eyes out. Looking back at the past is really a touching activity for me. Watching my old self made me miss those times that the only problem I had was to pick a color for my coloring book.

When the whole video was done, the first thing I did was to hug my mom and dad. I felt like a child when my mom had to wipe away the tears that were streaming down my face. Oh, God, how I miss those times. A silent wish escaped from my mouth.

“Sometimes, I wish I was a child again so I would be everybody’s princess, giving joy to her Mom and Dad.”

“Shh, you will always be our little princess, Gwen. Mom and Dad loves you. Remember that okay? We love you so much, honey,” said Dad as if his words were a caress.

“I love you, too, Dad, Mom.”

“Hush now, dear. You will always be Mommy’s greatest gift from God. You’re grown up now but you’ll always be Mommy’s little girl. Though it is hard on Mommy and Daddy’s part, we’re letting you go, anak. We know you’ll be in good hands.”

My mother’s words confused me. Letting me go? But why? What is this all about?

My train of thought was put on hold when I saw Mikko emerged from a white cloth that was separating the whole field into two. He was walking towards our direction. His gaze was fixed on me; he was wearing a bright and wide smile on his face. Like the others, he, too, was holding a bunch of flowers—this time, tulips, my favorite—and a lit candle.

“Can I have a moment with my lady?”

My parents took the privilege to answer for me.

“Take care of my daughter, Mikko. Treat her like a precious crystal that you are afraid to lose. Love her as much as we love her.”

“Yes, sir. You can count on me. I’ll take care of our princess.”

Mikko took my hand and held it tightly. Together, we went to where he came from a while ago. Shadows of glimmering light reflected through the thin white covering.

He cupped my face then looked at me intently. His eyes were shimmering with joy and excitement while mine was revealing confusion and nervousness. He captured my hands and brought them to his lips. He planted a gentle kiss on the back of my hands—a gesture I always find sweet.

“I love you, Gwen, you know that right?”

“Of course, I do. I love you, too.”

“I’m so happy to have you here with me. I never thought that we’d go this far. You are a dream come true for me.”

“I’d never want to wake up if everything that’s happening now is just a dream, Mikko.”

“Don’t worry, everything that’s transpiring right now is the reality. Can I ask you one question, though?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“How does the sound of ‘spending the rest of your life with me’ appeal to you?”

“It’s one risk that I am willing to take.”

He did not respond to what I have said. Instead, he stood behind me and tied the blindfold once again. We walked a little before he untied the cloth that was covering my eyes. Though he untied the blindfold already, his hands took over the place where the blindfold was.

Slowly, he took his hand off from my eyes. It took me a while to adjust my vision.

“Oh, my God!” Those were the only words that left my mouth after seeing that breath taking, jaw-dropping confession. Candles were laid out all over the other half of the field. It spelled out the words, “Will you marry me, love?”

I looked back at Mikko with my tears streaming down my face. I can’t believe it. He’s asking me to marry him. “Four years ago, the memory of your sixteenth birthday was horrible, gruesome and whatever negative adjective you might think of. But this time, I want to erase that negative thought in your head. I want to make your twentieth birthday, the day you’ll never forget. I want to make everything right, Gwen. I want us

to start over. Let’s rebuild our relationship as husband and wife, love. Will you spend the rest of your lifetime with me?” he declared while offering me a diamond ring.

I don’t know what to say. It was as if my voice was robbed off from me. But actions speak louder than words right?

I closed the distance between us and sealed everything with a kiss.

--- July 14. Twenty years ago, my Mom spent five grueling hours of pain and fear on this day. She exerted so much effort to provide a life for a little seedling growing inside of her. On that day twenty years ago, a healthy seven pound baby girl was born. The little girl was named Guinevierre Grace Samaniego. That little girl was I. July 14. Four years ago, I chose to celebrate my 16th birthday with the one I love, Mikko. Everything was going well until that dark memory of the past happened. The one I loved forced me to let him have a feel of my body. I resisted but he was too strong compared to my fragile body. On that day four years ago, I was raped by my very own boyfriend. July 14. Today, I just turned twenty years old. At a young age, I have been through a lot of trials and hardships in life. Though I have been tested over and over again, I remained strong for those sufferings taught me how to stand up again. And for some reasons, I am still with my boyfriend, loving him even more. A martyr, I know. I tried to leave him but he's a drug I can't resist. And today marked the day when I promised him that I’ll spend the rest of my life with him. A promise that I am sure I will never break.

XXIX. PROMISE OF FOREVER May 22, 2014 My love there’s only you in my life. The only thing that’s right. I have committed a million mistakes in my whole life. Most of it was because of impulsive decisions and hasty judgment. Oftentimes, I let my emotions control me and take over my reasoning. But if you ask me, the best decision I have made in my entire life was when I agreed to spend the rest of my life with him. It was the right thing to do. After all the storms that we have encountered, we could finally get a chance at happiness. At last, our family would be complete, living under one roof—happy and contented. My first love, you’re every breath that I take. You’re every step I make. Today, every breath and every step that I am going to make will lead me closer to him, closer to the promise of forever that he has to offer. Every stride leads me nearer to the paradise that we will build and expand together. As I march from behind the doors of the cathedral, there awaits the man who will show me the meaning of forever and eternal love. And I want to share all my love with you. No one else will do. From this day forward, I will shower him even more with love and care—the love and care that he never experienced from his own mother. From this day on, what is mine is his, and what is his is mine. From this instant, we will share the times of joy and sorrow together with none of us backing down. We will brave all the storms that will come our way. I know we can do this together, as husband and wife. I believe in him as much as he believes in me. I love him and I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life without him.

And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, they tell me how much you care. Oh yes, you will always be my endless love. The cathedral doors swung open and revealed its timeless interiors. Light traversed through the stained glass windows, adding wonders to the elegant marble structure. Large chandeliers, white tulips, and white calla lilies lined the path towards the altar. Most of the pews were occupied by the primary and secondary sponsors and guests—all dressed in formal attires with a touch of white and gold. I looked up at the crucified image of our Lord. I beamed then uttered a simple prayer of thanksgiving. If not for His guidance, we would have not made this far. If not for His divine Will, this would have not happened. My father clutched my arm gently. I glanced at him; he smiled sweetly at me then he tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ears. Happiness was manifested on his face and so was on mom’s. Though she had been sobbing since we arrived at the cathedral, I know for sure that those were tears of joy. When a soft and sweet music filled the air, it was our cue to begin walking down the aisle. My gaze was locked on the man waiting for me at the altar. He was wearing a big and bright smile on his face; his eyes were twinkling in delight. It was as if our eyes were glued to one another. I was smiling the whole time I was walking closer to him. “Take good care of our dearest princess, Mikko,” my father commanded as we reached the first pew where Mikko, alongside his best man, Rain, was standing. “I will, Tito. I love her so much,” Mikko declared with so much conviction in his voice. In his words, I could feel the love that he had just promised. “Call me Dad, son. From now on, I’m your father too.” “Thank you… Dad.” Beads of water clouded my vision. It was touching to hear Mikko call my father ‘Dad.’ For me it was a sign that my parents accepted Mikko as my husband, my partner in life. “Don’t you ever cheat on my only girl, Mikko. Please don’t do anything that could hurt her. If problem arises, don’t hesitate to call us for help. Love our baby Gwen, son. I entrust her to you. I believe in you, Mikko. Don’t ever break my trust or else I’ll skin you alive!” said Mom in between sobs. Though she was crying, she still managed to crack a joke. “Thanks, M-Mom. Don’t worry, I’ll give her back if she gets irritating.” Mikko chuckled a bit then winked at my direction. I punched him jokingly on his arm as my response for his joke. I know he would not do it. I know he loves me very much. Mikko asked for my parents’ blessings then he hugged them afterwards. Tito Mike, Mikko’s father, approached us. He gave me a tight embrace as a sign of welcoming me to his family. “Please widen your patience for Mikko, Gwen. Understand him as if he is a little boy lost in the woods. You know how hard life had been for him. Continue loving him, Gwen. He really needs you. He sure is lucky to find someone as selfless as you.” “No need to worry, Papa. I’ll take care of him, that’s for sure.” For the last time, my parents and Mikko’s dad hugged both of us and welcomed us into the family. As we walk towards the altar, Mikko took my hand and held it tight. For the last time as Guinevierre Grace Samaniego, I looked at him straight in the eye. There I found the love that I was looking for. In his deep-set eyes, I found the attention that I am wishing for. In his eyes, I found the eternal paradise of overflowing passion and unconditional love. In Eliah Brenn Michael Evangelista Jr.’s eyes, I found forever.

Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one Our lives have just begun “Gwen, do you take Mikko here present to be your lawful husband according to the rite of our Holy Mother, the Church?” I looked at our clasped hands before answering. “Yes, Father, I do.” “Do you give yourself to him as his wife?” “Yes, Father, I do.” I was his from the every beginning. It would be a great honor to be with him for the rest of my life. “Mikko, do you take Gwen here present to be your lawful wife according to the rite of our Holy Mother, the Church?” Mikko did not answer right away. Instead, he looked into my eyes for about minute. He was staring at me as if he was memorizing every line and every feature. He heaved out a deep sigh before he finally answered. “I do, Father, with all my heart.” While he was expressing those thoughts, he was looking intently at me with a gorgeous smile on his lips. He squeezed my hands as if reassuring me that he will never leave me hanging and that he loves me with all his heart. For a while, I thought he would back out for the last minute but it seems that he was just savoring the moments. Right, we should take our time. We have the world in our own hands. “Do you give yourself to her as her husband?” “Yes, Father, I do with all my heart and soul.” “Now please say together,” “Grant us, O Lord, to be one heart and one soul from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Just like what I had promised earlier, I would be with Mikko in times of sorrow and in times of joy, in times of weariness and in times of liveliness, in times of progression and in times of deterioration until God Himself sets us apart. I would be with him, my love, every step of the way. I know he will be with me too because I trust his promise to our Lord. One body, one heart, one soul. Our lives as Mr. and Mrs. Evangelista have just begun. Forever. I'll hold you close in my arms I can't resist your charms “Gwen, I love you. Today is a very special day. Long ago you were just a dream and a prayer. This day like a dream come true the Lord Himself has answered that prayer. For today, Gwen, you as my joy become my crown. I thank Jesus for the honor of going through time with you. Thank you for being what you are to me. With our future as bright as the promises of God, I will care for you, honor and protect you. I lay down my life for you, Gwen, my friend and my love. Today I give to you me.” Gently, he placed on my left ring finger the symbol of our unending love. “Mikko, I love you. I prayed that God would lead me to his choice. I praise Him that tonight His will is being fulfilled. Through the pressures of the present and uncertainties of the future I promise my faithfulness, to follow you through all of life's experiences as you follow God, that together we may grow in the likeness of Christ and our home be a praise to Him.” I can’t help myself to cry as I state my vow. These are not tears of sadness but tears of joy. I am the happiest woman in the whole world today. I used to dream about this moment, but it is all coming true. I will forever cherish this day—the day I officially became the wife of the man I love the most.

Every word that came out from my mouth was filled with love. Every word I uttered was full of promises that intend to keep. The minister continued the ceremony. And when he presented us to the public as husband and wife, Mikko embraced me tightly as if he never wants to let go. At that moment, I never wanted to let go, too. I would forever choose to be enveloped in sturdy arms for it gives me that warm and secured feeling—the feeling of being loved. And I would never trade that feeling for anything in this world. “You may now kiss the bride.” In one swift motion, Mikko scooped me by the waist and made our foreheads touch. “I love you, Mrs. Mikko Evangelista.” He leaned down and kissed me passionately, not minding all the people who’s watching. And love, oh, love, I'll be a fool for you, (I'm sure, you know I don't mind. Oh, you know I don't mind) “Do you know why I paused for a while before I said ‘I do?’” inquired Mikko as we were on our way to the reception venue. “No, enlighten me please?” “I was hesitating.” His face was serious, void of any emotion. “Eh?” He burst out laughing then pinched my nose lightly. That was when I realized that he was just fooling me. I thought he was sincere when he said that. Judging by his face, his act was really convincing. “Gotcha! I was just joking, love. I was actually mesmerized by your beauty a while ago that’s why it took me a few seconds before I finally answered.” “Hmpf, bolero!” He chuckled again then took me in his arms. I felt him plant a soft kiss on my head. I snuggled closer to him, leaning on his chest. I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. 'Cause you, you mean the world to me Oh, I know, I know, I've found in you my endless love “I love you.” “I love you too. Ikaw lang. Always and forever.” “Your existence is the sole reason for my own existence. You are the eternity for me, Gwen. Thank you for loving me.” “You are the world to me, Mikko. Thank you for choosing me, for loving me still.” And, yes, you'll be the only one 'cause no one can deny this love I have inside And I'll give it all to you, my love, my love, my love, my endless love On this day, May 22, 2014, our supposed sixth anniversary as a couple, we promised to one another to spend our lives forever, together. On this day, in front of our Lord, we made a solemn pact to build a family of our own and to never break apart. On this day, we shared to you one special moment in our lives.

Thank you for being with us, for sympathizing with us. But this is not the end. It is just the beginning. The beginning of our lives as husband and wife. “I love you, Guinevierre Grace Samaniego-Evangelista. I love you as who you are. I love you despite of your flaws.” I hugged him and kissed him on the lips. “I love you even more, Mr. Eliah Brenn Michael Evangelista Jr. I accepted you as who you are. And I will forever love you despite your dirty past. Despite of our sullied past.”

EPILOGUE “Careful, baby! Don’t swim on the deep part, okay?” I shouted as my seven-year-old little girl jumped off the pool. I slumped back at the pool chair then continued reading Paolo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes. “Mommy! Mommy, look at me!” cried my baby girl, Ana. She was in the middle of the pool with her elder brother, Eliah who is now fifteen years old. Eliah was teaching Ana on how to do the back float. My little girl was learning fast for she was able to cross half of the pool already. I stopped reading to watch how my little girl has progressed. “Good job, Ana! You’ll be one heck of a swimmer someday. That’s for sure.” “Thanks, Kuya!” Ana hugged her brother as soon they got out of the water. One thing I like the most about Ana and Eliah is that despite their age difference, they really are close to one another. I have never heard them fight or shout at each other. “Mom, you should enroll Ana in a swimming class. I’m sure she’ll love it.” “Your Dad and I will talk about it once he comes home from Spain, okay?” “Yehey! Thanks, Mom!” Ana sat on my lap then hugged me tight. I planted a soft kiss on her forehead as a response. It seems that Eliah was sort of jealous so he sat beside me and hugged me from the side. This is what I love about my kids. They never hesitate to show me how much they love me. it’s a good thing that I trained them to be like this. Receiving a kiss and hug from them erases all my worries away. The three of us was in that position when Ana’s godmother and Eliah’s godfather came. Alyssa and Rain arrived together with their eleven-year-old boy, Axl. Alyssa was three months pregnant with their second child. Both of them were wishing that it would be a girl this time. They have been praying so hard for this baby since Alyssa was having a hard time conceiving. “Hi Ninang Gwen!” greeted Axl as soon as he approached me. He gave me a big, fat kiss on the cheek before he went off with my two kids. “Axl is growing so fast,” I commented. Rain and Alyssa were sitting side by side on the pool chair adjacent to mine. Alyssa leaned back at the chair’s backrest while Rain was sitting on her side, playing with his wife’s fingers. Three months after Rain introduced Alyssa to me, Rain announced to us that Alyssa has been conceiving their first child. Every one of us was happy to hear that news. Well, everyone except for Alyssa’s parents. The news came as a shock to them because they were sort of the conservative ones. But later on, Rain charmed his way to Alyssa’s parents’ hearts. The two got married four months after Axl was born. You see, they even got married ahead of us. “Yeah, he’s currently five feet three inches. Imagine his humongous height at the age of eleven.” “Are you giving him some sort of growing pills?” The couple laughed at my joke. “Blame Rain. He’s been feeding all kinds of food to Axl these days.”

“Hah! He should be like his father, honey. Like father, like son,” Rain smirked. Alyssa just laughed it off. These two really get along well. Both of them are funny in their own ways. The three of us are having a nice chat when somebody pressed on the doorbell. Our house helper was fast enough to open the gate. Two similar looking teens emerged from the metal gate. The teens were dragging their Mom inside our house. “C'mon Mom! Ninang Gwen is waiting for us! You don’t want to be late for her birthday!” “Rae, it’s not your Ninang’s birthday, today.” “Eh? Then what’s the celebration today?” “Nothing, she just wants us to eat lunch with her today.” “Oh, I thought it’s her birthday.” Krizza approached me with her twins in hand. Ren and Rae kissed me, Rain and Alyssa on the cheek. After that, they ran inside the house to search for the three other kiddos. “My twins are becoming naughtier each day,” complained Krizza. She emphasized her complaints by washing her face with her hands. I feel for her. My kids are getting even more mischievous everyday. “ We feel you, Kriz. You are not alone.” “I hope they grow up fast!” “But I’m sure you’ll miss them once they’re adults already.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll just wish Jung-su’s home already. I can’t handle the twins alone.” Jung-su was drafted to serve the Korean army. Krizza still does not know the exact year when Jung-su will be home. For now, she is raising Ren and Rae alone. Though alone, I think she is doing a great job in raising her kids. She is actually a wonder mom. We do not know how she manages to be a nurse and at the same time, a mom to her kids. Alyssa and I look up to her. The four of us chatted about parenting, work, and other grown up stuff. I cannot believe it. Ten years ago, we were just talking about school stuff and other childish topics. Now, we are actually taking about ways on how to raise our kids, which school should our children study, what food should we feed our babies. We are all actually grown ups now. All of us are in our early thirties now. Time flies so fast, isn’t it? We were eating lunch inside when all the house helpers ran outside. Krizza positioned behind me to cover my eyes with a large handkerchief. She, together with Alyssa, guided me to stand up and walk. For sure, this is another surprise. This is always their trick if they are going to surprise me. Warm, sturdy arms enveloped me into a hug. A familiar manly scent filled my nose. I know this person. I know him for sure. “Mikko!” “Hello, love,” he whispered after untying my blindfold. I hugged him tight as my response. Mikko had to stay in Spain for a month to help Papa in our family business. When he called me two days ago, he told me that he would be back by next week. But oh, well, surprise, surprise. He’s back. And I am happy. We were near the dining room’s entryway when we heard a loud thump from the second floor. I dashed to where the fall came from to see what was broken. I spotted my daughter, Ana, kneeling in front of the shards of glass scattered on the floor. “Eliah, what happened to Ana?” I asked my eldest son while stroking Ana’s back to calm her down.

“We were racing towards the TV room when she accidentally bumped into the flower vase.” I hugged my baby Ana tightly to comfort her. She was bawling her eyes out, maybe due to the fear that I will reprimand her. “I’m s-sorry, M-Mommy. I d-didn’t mean t-to break y-your favorite v-vase. I-I’m sorry, M-Mom. P-please don’t h-hate me.” I continued stroking my baby’s back. I whispered to her comforting words that somehow lessened her sobbing. “Why would Mommy hate you, baby? It’s something trivial. Mommy can always replace that broken vase, honey.” “I-It’s your f-favorite v-vase, M-Mommy. Please don’t get mad at me. Please don’t hate me.” “Stop crying, Ana. Mommy won’t hate just because you did something wrong. But promise Mommy that you’ll be careful next time and that you’ll not repeat the same mistake again, okay? I love you, baby, for who you are.” Ana nodded then hugged me back tightly. Nobody’s perfect. Everyone in this world commits mistakes at some point in their lives. Faults happen to teach us to stand up and to learn from it. Sometimes, these scars are what makes us beautiful. In my life, I have been scarred too many times. But these wounds thought me a lot in life. I learned to stand up and to be brave. Though scarred, my loved ones proved to me that it doesn’t matter. They loved me despite my flaws, my shortcomings. They loved me for who I am. Loving is not all about being perfect for another person. Nor is it about being perfect just to be loved. Remember, we all commit mistakes. We must learn to accept each others’ flaws in order to understand and to fully love the person we are with. After all, love is about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.