understanding each other in marriage
TRANSCRIPT
UNDERSTANDING
EACH OTHER IN
MARRIAGE Make all the efforts to understand your spouse.
Most times, people take each other for granted
and regret later when the spouse allegedly
behaves indifferent.
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1 Peter 3:1-7
‘Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own
husbands, that even if some do not obey the
word, they, without a word, may be won by
the conduct of their wives, when they observe
your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do
not let your adornment be merely outward--
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on
fine apparel-- rather let it be the hidden
person of the heart, with the incorruptible
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
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which is very precious in the sight of God. For
in this manner, in former times, the holy women
who trusted in God also adorned themselves,
being submissive to their own husbands, as
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose
daughters you are if you do good and are not
afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell
with them with understanding, giving honor to
the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life, that your
prayers may not be hindered.’ (NKJV)
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Romans 12:10
‘Be kindly affectionate to one another
with brotherly love, in honor giving
preference to one another;’ (NKJV)
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INTRODUCTION
Conflicts in marriage can be minimized if the spouses made consulted efforts to work on their differences. Most of the times spouses disagree on very petty things that if they had taken time to understand each other, they would easily settle their indifference very fast without destroying their marriage.
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This is my 38th year in marriage. As we were settling down in our first year of marriage, my biggest question was: “How can I understand my wife when she cannot understand herself?”
Most times women are difficult to understand. My wife would state that she has feelings but she cannot be able to explain them. How then would I be able to understand those feelings?
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Now that I am older and much
wiser, I now realize that that was a
very bad statement to be made.
Over time, I have been able to
understand her very well.
This has so much helped to make a
better relationship.
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UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSE
It takes time, energy, and effort on
both of you to gain that knowledge.
But when you do, the reward for the
effort is so overwhelming that it
takes the marriage relationship to a
much higher level.
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PREREQUISITES BEFORE YOU CAN FULLY
UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER
I. We must understand that men and
women are different.
A. Men are not better than women.
Women are not better than men.
B. We are both different, yet both
are needed to complete the
marriage unity. We think so
differently.
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Too often we do not understand each
other of the importance of each other
because we fail to follow the Biblical
principle that enables us to
understand each other.
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C. Marriage is defined as ‘two
imperfect people entering into a
committed relationship, diligently
pursuing intimacy under the loving rule
of God.’
Men and women are different. God
made it that way. Don’t try to change it.
Work with it. Compliment it. It is the
best combination that could ever be
created.
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II. We must understand that the
problem is probably not your
spouse.
IF THE PROBLEM IS PROBABLY
NOT MY SPOUSE, THEN WHO DO
YOU THINK MAY BE THE
PROBLEM? IT MAY BE YOU!
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What are some problems that
can hinder companions from
understanding each other?
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We may lack trust in our relationship.
This is foundational.
We keep secrets from our mates and
fail to give them full disclosure.
When there are problems are we more
concerned about fixing the blame on
our spouse rather than fixing the
problem.
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We do not allow each spouse the right
of veto power in the major decisions of
the family.
We fail to share in the responsibilities
of the home. Who should do what?
We fail to have a good system to
resolve our family conflicts which are
inevitable.
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We are unwilling to take the
responsibility for the mistakes of our
spouses.
We fail to make our relationship with
our spouse our number one priority.
We fail to help our spouses grow or
blossom in their area of giftedness.
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III. We can understand our spouse if we
will implement some very important
Biblical principles.
Scripture: I Peter 3:1-7; Romans 12:10
A. Principle No. 1 - Wives joyfully
accept the authority of your husbands.
Vs. 1
God has given the man to take the role
as being the head of the home.
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B. Principle No. 2 - Husbands willfully
honor your wives. Vs. 7
Honoring is an attitude. Often our
attitude needs changing, but you are
the one that has to change it.
Husbands must be considerate and
respectful of their wives if they expect
to have their prayers answered.
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You cannot treat your wife
disrespectfully and expect God to
answer your prayers.
Husbands treat your wives with
understanding. Respect her and
give high priority to her well-being.
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C. Principle No. 3 - Both of you love
each other with genuine affection.
Romans 12:10
Love each other with genuine affection.
Delight in honoring each other.
Remember honoring is an attitude.
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OTHER BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES THAT WILL HELP
YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSE
.
1. Love one another. - I John 15:12
2. Do not pass judgement on one
another. - Romans 5:8
3. We are to be members of one
another. - Romans 12:5
4. We are to be devoted to one
another. - Romans 12:10
5. We are to honor one another. -
Romans 12:10
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6. We are to live in harmony with one
another. Romans 12:16
7. We are to build up one another. -
Romans 14:19
8. We are to be like minded toward one
another. - Romans 15:5
9. We are to accept one another. -
Romans 15:7
10. We are to care for one another. - I
Corinthians 12:25
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11. We are to serve one another in love. - Galatians 5:13
12. We are not to destroy or hurt one another. - Galatians 5:26
13. We are not to provoke envy in one another. - Galatians 5:26
14. We are to bear one another’s burdens. - Galatians 6:2
15. We are to be kind to one another. -Ephesians 4:32
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16. We are to forgive one another. -
Ephesians 4:32
17. We are to submit to one another. -
Ephesians 5:21
18. We are not to lie to one another. -
Colossians 3:9
19. We are to bear one another’s burden. -
Colossians 3:13
20. We are to abound in love toward one
another. - I Thess. 3:12
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21. We are to comfort one another. - I
Thess. 4:18
22. We are not to hate one another. - Titus
3:3
23. We are to urge, admonish, or
encourage one another. - Hebrews 3:13
24. We are to stir up one another to love
and good deeds. - Hebrews 10:24
25. We are not to speak evil of one
another. - James 4:11
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26. We are not to bear grudges against one another. - James 5:9
27. We are to confess our faults to one another. - James 5:16
28. We are to pray for one another. -James 5:16
29. We are to greet one another with a kiss or mutual affection. -I Peter 5:14
30. We are to fellowship one with another. - I John 1:7
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Seek to understand your spouse. The
more you do, the more he/she will
reciprocate. I always advise that
marriage is not a contract or
competition but it is a relationship.
Relationships are built over time.
Spouses have to work out their
relationships and built more capacity
in their marriages.
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